Chapter 2

KC flopped down onto her couch and leaned against her friend as he put his arm around her.

"So, what did you find out from the others?"

"As far as what actually happened that day, nothing." She sighed heavily. "But if you mean more about what we think is going on, plenty."

"So they are hiding something."

"Um hum. Most definitely keeping secrets. I even told them how broken Jon is, but Ponch won't let them talk, which leads me to believe he's covering for Jon. However," She sat up and smiled slightly, "I think if any one of them is going to break their silence, it's going to be Bruce."

Danny pondered this bit of information and spoke his thoughts as he played through the possibilities.

"Nelson huh? Youngest member of The Four Musketeers, the D'Artangon type. Been on the force for five years now, and they still call him 'rookie'. Older brother Bobby moved up north but he still tries to prove he's just as good or better than his brother. He's definitely got a 'little brother' complex, and the fact that people tease him about his boyish good looks and short stature doesn't help matters. Never partnered with Baker, but had Poncherello as a training officer and partner for about a year. He certainly looks up to the others, no pun intended, and he's probably caught between doing what's right and following the lead of more seasoned officers. What about McLeish, since Poncherello is obviously spearheading this adventure?"

KC had to laugh in spite of the seriousness of it all. "I didn't know you knew Bruce so well. But I have to admit that your assessment is pretty spot on. I'm not too sure about Steve, he's a lot like Jon in that he's intensely private. He is very realistic, though, and pragmatic. That could work in our favor, especially since he's partnered with Jon before and may want to help him because of that partnership."

Danny scratched the stubble on his chin. "But then you would think that Poncherello would be the first one to stand by Jon's side, unless Jon is covering for him and the others are trying to protect Ponch."

KC put her head in her hands and groaned. "Oh please don't start with your circular reasoning again, Danny."

"I won't because it's too late and even I'm too tired to try and make it work. But I will say that while you were on the phone with them, Jon started talking to me and made a very interesting comment. Well, not so much a comment as a plea. He grabbed my arms and said, 'Please don't make me choose between my partners. I can't do it. Please.'"

KC blinked in shock. "'Choose between his partners?' What the heck does that mean?"

Danny sighed and rubbed his tired eyes roughly with his fists. "Well, it sounds like he's covering for one and the other doesn't like it. His morals are being tested and it's tearing him apart. At least that's my best guess."

"Now I'm glad I decided to bring Getraer in on this," she said. "I told him a little about what happened tonight and asked him to help me confront the other three."

"I dunno Kace…"

"Trust me Dan. After what we've been through with Jon tonight, we need help getting answers. Joe is going to invite them all over to his home tomorrow and then I'm going to show up and turn it into an in-home session. I already have an appointment scheduled with Steve tomorrow at three o'clock, and I know you're supposed to see Frank and Bruce so I just decided to combine the appointments and hold them in the home of their sergeant, that's all. They trust him and are comfortable in his home, but it gives no one 'home field advantage' as it were."

Danny smiled and shook his head. "You always surprise me, and I'm proud to work with you. And by the way, Dr. Wexler is very impressed with what we've accomplished with Jon tonight."

"Wait. You called him already? I thought we'd call together."

"I figured since you were calling the Three Musketeers, I'd give Wex a call. I mean, he is the head of our department after all." She stuck her tongue out at him. "He agrees that we need to gently force the issue with the others in light of Jon's breakdown, but they have to open up on their own. He'll stop by tomorrow morning to assess Jon's condition and then we'll go from there. And speaking of morning…"

He gave a huge yawn and stood up, pulling KC up as well and started walking her toward the bedroom to check on Jon. He was fast asleep and had not moved from the position Dan put him in. KC looked up at her coworker, the question obvious in her eyes, and he answered it.

"I think that given he came to you in a crisis, that you should be the one to stay in here. I know what you're thinking, but don't worry about it. Wex already gave his approval. Anyway, I'm here, and if you're sick enough to take advantage of him in the state he's in then I'll fire you myself and hang you out to dry so fast you won't know what hit you."

KC smiled and shook her head, cheeks pink with embarrassment of the teasing insinuation. He loved making her smile when she was nervous and Dan put his arm around her.

"You just sleep on top of the bedspread and I'll go get that pink and yellow quilt out of the front room to cover you with. Satisfied?"

"I guess…"

Danny placed both hands on her shoulders and looked down upon her sternly.

"Kassandra Catherine Roberts. It is my professional opinion that this man needs the non-threatening presence of a woman if he wakes up in a panic. He is under the covers, you will be on top of them. I am exhausted and if I don't get some sleep soon…"

"Okay okay. Go get the quilt."

-0-

Eight am came entirely too soon and KC awoke to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and two male voices in her living room. She quickly put on her robe and walked into the living room.

"Well good morning, sunshine."

Doctor Wexler was sitting in her grandmother's brocade wingback chair, talking with Dr. Altman, and KC just stood there in a not-quite-awake-yet daze.

"Uh oh, deer-in-the-headlights look," Dan said as he approached her with a cup of steaming coffee. "Kace, we talked about this last night, remember? I brought him up to speed on the situation."

KC took the blue mug from him and crossed over to the couch, sitting down on the edge of the cushion. She breathed in the comforting scent of the brew, then took a sip.

"A penny for your thoughts KC," he said in the rich baritone that always had a calming effect on people.

"I've seen a lot of breakdowns in my career Carl, but this is by far the worst I've experienced."

The counselor shared Jon's breakdown with her superior and how difficult it was to help him through it because both she and Dan knew that Jon's rational side was fighting with memories of the war in Viet Nam and that he was not coping with whatever really happened in the warehouse. The fact that he was hiding something was obvious, and was confirmed last night with her conversation with Ponch.

Dr. Wexler listened intently to the counselor as she described the officer's breakdown, taking notes along the way. She was very thorough and professional as always, but he could hear the strain in her voice held up his hand to silence her.

"Thank you, Kassandra. This is a very disturbing trend. Very disturbing indeed."

"What do you mean, 'trend'," Danny asked.

"Deputy Shane Kordela had a similar episode two days after the raid. Not nearly as severe, mind you, but it was a breakdown nonetheless."

"Jon's not the only one?" The fear and hope in KC's voice were reflected on Danny's face and Dr. Wexler heaved a sigh.

"No, he's not. From what our senior staff has been able to gather from officer accounts, it seems that the kidnappers did their very best to rig the warehouse to act and feel like the jungles of Viet Nam, and they did a damn good job of it: We know windows were painted black so there was limited light coming in; it was a hot day and the building was humid, and they all had protective gear on similar to something a soldier might wear."

The doctor and counselor nodded, and Danny said, "Well, that would certainly explain Officer Baker's flashbacks."

They discussed things for a few more minutes before Dr. Wexler was taken to check on Jon. The officer was so exhausted from his ordeal that he appeared to be sedated, which made things easier for everyone. Once both doctors compared notes and conferred about a treatment plan, they got Jon into KC's car and went to the hospital. Knowing Jon's aversion to medical facilities and not wanting to upset him, the trio had decided to have Dr. Wexler brief a couple of nurses on the situation and then come out to KC's car with a mild sedative for Jon. He was then put in a wheelchair and taken up to the psychiatric ward.

Once he was settled in, Dr. Wexler led the other two into the fourth floor conference room.

"I apologize for being late," he said to the assembled group as they walked in and the three took their seats. "CHP Officer Jon Baker had a breakdown last night and went to Counselor Roberts for assistance. She and Dr. Altman supported him during his collapse, and the counselor spoke to his partner, Officer Poncherello, getting as much if not more information from what wasn't said as what he actually told her."

"So, Counselor Troi did it again, huh," Dr. Maxine Brown said with a genuine smile. "Good for you Kace."

"In light of Officer Baker's episode, I firmly believe that the kidnappers were not simply after Officer Daniels, but wanted to destroy as many officers as they could- physically, mentally, and emotionally. It's no secret that many soldiers leave the service and become peace officers, and that they don't readily share the horrors they witness. And those who watch a fellow officer flashback to the war fear that their friend will be taken off the force, so they don't share everything they know or hide facts. We think the kidnappers counted on this."

Nods and murmurs of agreement floated around the room, and small groups started having discussions about their various patients.

"And now," Dr. Wexler said after a few minutes, "let's see what we can do for your Deputy Sheriffs and LAPD officers to get them through this as well."

-o-

After the meeting, KC and Danny went to see how Jon was doing. The sedative hadn't worn off yet so they were pleased to find him fast asleep.

"See, nothing to worry about," he said to the counselor with a smile. "Now, seeing as it's almost eleven o'clock, you need to get out of here and go talk to the three musketeers and break'um."

KC chuckled. "Yes sir! But gently, of course."

"Of course," he said with a wink and settled down in the padded armchair. "I've cancelled my appointments for the day and I'm going to stay with Jon. And catch up on some reading." He held up a very thick book.

"Ooh, Lord of the Rings. I love that book. Well," she said with a deep sigh, "I'm off."

-0-

KC stood on the Getraer's front porch for almost two minutes before finally knocking on the door. Betty greeted her, purse in hand. "Hello Counselor Roberts. Thank you for allowing Joe to be a part of this."

"I'm glad he offered," she replied and stepped into the entry and pointed to Betty's purse. "Is it that bad?"

"Huh? Oh, no! Well, maybe… I just figured I'd step out and let the five of you have some time alone. I'm going to take the boys to my mom's for the afternoon, and possibly even stay for dinner, so take all the time you need."

"Thank you, Mrs. Getraer."

Betty took KC's hands in her own. "No, thank you for being there for Jon and for the others." She gave the counselor's hands a squeeze. "Just head down the hall and turn left. You can't miss them."

KC closed the door behind the sergeant's wife and headed into the living room. When she rounded the corner she had to hide a smile at the scene before her. Ponch and Steve were sitting on the couch and Bruce was in a low chair, all three looking like reprimanded schoolboys. The sergeant was sitting on the piano bench and stood when he saw her.

"Counselor, thank you for coming on such short notice."

He told them this meeting was his idea. Thank you Joe!

She took his proffered hand and answered promptly, "You're very welcome, sergeant. It actually worked in our favor, since Dr. Altman has had to cancel all his appointments today to stay with Jon at the hospital."

Three heads snapped up at that and the tension level raised two notches. "Why is Jon in the hospital," Ponch asked with suspicion.

"It's standard procedure when someone has a mental breakdown to admit them for observation and assessment for forty-eight hours," she replied coolly. "When I told you last night that Jon was broken emotionally and mentally, I wasn't kidding. He could barely speak because he was either vomiting violently or sobbing as if his heart was breaking. Care to explain why?"

The sergeant's eyebrows almost shot off his forehead in surprise but he managed to keep quiet. He had been warned that he was simply an observer, but KC still felt badly that she couldn't tell him everything ahead of time. This was not going to be an easy day.

Ponch licked his lips and glanced nervously at Bruce and then to Steve. Bruce's right leg started bouncing and Steve's hands were clenching into fists and then relaxing, clenching and relaxing. But no one spoke. KC stood in front of the couch and looked at Bruce on her right.

"Officer Nelson, do you have any information that might shed some light on the subject?"

Bruce glanced at Ponch and KC saw the older officer's jaw clench and eyes widen slightly in a silent demand for the younger man to stay quiet. Her suspicions were confirmed and she turned to Ponch.

"Frank, who are you covering for? Dr. Altman and I need to know what really happened that afternoon or we can't help Jon recover, do you understand that?"

She could see the internal struggle in his dark eyes, but also a persistent stubbornness that refused to believe that he could trust her.

"He's gonna be fine, he said so." He leaned forward, resting his forearms on his legs then quickly sat back up as if in pain, adjusting the sleeve of his dress shirt to cover his wrist. This did not escape the counselor's trained eye, but she did not comment on it.

"Really? Well based on what Dr. Altman and I experienced with him last night, I'd beg to differ. He had a mental and emotional breakdown, Frank. He said, 'I killed them… kill to protect Mitch… Bruce is down.' Who's Mitch, anyway? And the kicker was, 'Don't make me chose between my partners.' Does that sound like someone who is 'going to be fine' to you?"

"What?" The sergeant couldn't keep quiet any longer. "Choose between… No. Nelson, Poncherello, McLeish, this has gone far enough. I am ordering you to come clean or I'll have no choi-"

"No Joe," KC turned to face him. "You can't just order someone to-"

"The hell I can't," he shouted. "I've got a man lying in a mental ward because these three jokers won't tell the truth and let us help Jon or them!"

"He thought I was-"

"Nelson," Ponch's warning carried a subtle pleading tone as well.

Now we're getting somewhere, the counselor thought as she pointed at Getraer and then to the piano bench and stood there until he obeyed. She squatted next to Bruce's chair and looked up into his frightened blue eyes. She saw a stubbornness there similar to what she saw in Frank's eyes, and also a maturity that surprised her. He's not as 'young' as they think he is. We've all underestimated him as an officer and a man.

"Bruce," KC spoke in a firm but gentle tone, "When you first gave your account of what happened, you said you were trapped under a beam and ceiling debris and the other three had to free you, correct?" He nodded and his right leg started its nervous bouncing again. "Was it really as simple as that?"

Steve shifted his position and sucked in sharply, placing his left hand against his side while Ponch seemed to absently rub his right forearm, tears forming yet not enough to actually fall. Joe walked to the couch and sat down beside Ponch, placing a hand on his knee.

"Frank, you have to trust us," Joe said gently. "No one is going to lose their job over this unless you continue to lie to yourself and us. We know you are protecting someone, but right now you're doing more harm than good for him and yourself. Dr. Altman and Counselor Roberts can help you all work through this if you'll let them."

The stubborn silence prevailed for ten seconds. KC left Bruce's side and sat on the arm of the couch beside Steve. Normally she preferred to be at or below the patient's eye level, but this time she was asserting her authority. A new idea had popped into her head and she used the height to give her unspoken leverage.

"McLeish. I know you and Poncherello were both partners with Jon and have his best interest at heart. I know he is a senior officer to all three of you, and based on past reports in your files, you have all deferred to his judgment in the past, letting his word be the final say on things. Did Officer Baker make a unilateral decision for the four of you that you're not comfortable with?"

Looking back on this moment later that evening with Danny and Dr. Wexler, KC would say that this was her most impressive 'Troi moment' yet.

Shock and relief mingled on Steve's face. "Jon made us promise…" he said and looked at the others, waiting for someone to stop him.

Ponch leaned back and exhaled loudly, running both hands down his face. It wasn't supposed to be like this! Protecting your partner shouldn't be this difficult. "I promised Jon we … Damnit!" He sat up and looked at Sgt. Getraer. "He's not gonna be pulled for this?"

KC answered him, "I can't promise that, Frank. What I can promise however is that we will do everything in our power to help him deal with whatever the issue is and move toward putting him back on duty."

"He was just trying to protect me…" Bruce's voice quivered with emotion, "He kept calling me 'Mitch' and said he wouldn't let them kill me."

The counselor turned back toward Bruce asked softly, "What do you mean, 'he wouldn't let them kill you,' Bruce?"

Ponch and Steve both held their breath as Bruce took a moment to find the courage to speak. "Jon attacked them," Bruce said quietly as he pointed at the others. "He tried to kill them."

KC's thoughts went back to last night, and all of a sudden, everything made perfect sense. She looked over to Steve who was still holding his side. She understood now and knew why they had kept silent. It wasn't simply the fact that Jon had experienced a flashback but that he had actually attacked two of his closest friends. She was now becoming very concerned about the way Frank held his arm and Steve was struggling to find a comfortable position.

"I remember someone shouting, 'Bomb!' and then the next thing I know I was pinned by some beams and debris," Bruce said softly. "McLeish was closest to me. He started to lift a beam when I heard this, this roar and then he was suddenly gone. I couldn't see what was happening, but I knew the three of them were fighting…

Plaster and drywall dust was everywhere, making it hard to see, let alone breathe. Ponch had been knocked against the wall by the small explosion and was momentarily dazed. He could hear McLeish talking to Nelson and as he sat up, he heard a primal yell.

"Jon! What the hell are you doing?" Ponch watched in shock as his partner tackled McLeish hard.

"Don't touch him you bastard! You've killed enough of us already and I won't let you take Mitch too!"

Jon was sitting on top of his former partner, throwing punches at his chest and face like a fury. Steve started fighting back and was able to briefly wind his assailant with a sharp punch just below the protective vest above his groin. He shoved Jon backwards and rolled over into a crouched position, ready to defend himself.

"Jon, its Steve McLeish. We're friends. Don't…"

"No! I won't let you kill him," Jon bellowed and charged again before Ponch could reach him.

"What's going on, Ponch," Bruce called out.

"Baker! Jon get a grip," Ponch yelled as he grabbed his friend by the left arm and turned Jon towards him. He was face to face with someone he didn't recognize: an angry, frightened, desperate man whose eyes were hard and cold. Ponch was so shocked by what he saw that he was completely unprepared for the right hook that knocked him to the floor.

Steve's mind raced as he tried to figure out how to calm Jon down. It was obvious words would not work, but he didn't want to hurt his friend either. When Jon sucker-punched Ponch, Steve realized that he had to subdue him as if he were a suspect resisting arrest. When he turned his attention back to Steve, the officer stood up and held his hands up, palms out about shoulder level.

"Look, Baker. I don't know what you think is going on here, but no one's going to hurt you or Bruce."

Blue eyes blazed with cold hatred and Jon muttered something that sounded like Vietnamese, then started to circle around to his right.

For the first time since this began, Steve was truly afraid. This was not the Jon Baker he knew and this man frightened him. Everyone at the station knew Jon had been a Marine in 'Nam, but he never talked about it. He wasn't sure if Jon was reliving something that happened or had just completely snapped, but either way this man was dangerous.

Steve glanced over at Ponch who was slowly sitting up, and then started to talk to Jon again, keeping the man's focus off of Ponch. But Jon simply charged him again.

Though still woozy, Ponch started toward the two men, but then changed his mind and went over to Bruce. He thought that if he could get him out, then Jon would calm down.

"I need you to help me anyway you can, Nelson. Can you push that piece up?"

Even though Jon was smaller than Steve, he was much stronger than his former partner expected and Steve doubled over when Jon landed a hard punch to his side that the vest didn't protect. He saw stars as the stabbing pain seared his consciousness, causing him to sway on his feet.

"You won't kill anymore today," Jon hissed as he pulled Steve back up and shoved him into the remains of the wall, completely winding the officer.

There was a noise behind him to his right and Jon turned to see a dark haired form leaning over the youngest Marine in his unit… the only other survivor of the blast. He released his hold on Steve who slid down the wall as he tried to catch his breath and Jon didn't give him another thought as he grabbed the knife from the back of his utility belt and quietly crept toward his prey.

The pain was intense. Steve could barely breathe as he lay on his side, leaning against the wall for support. He watched Jon draw his knife and desperately tried to get enough air in his lungs to warn Ponch. Jon was about five feet from his partner when the warning finally came.

"Knife…"

Ponch spun around just as Jon slashed at him. The knife connected with his right forearm just above the wrist. He attacked again, this time in a swiping motion across the mid-section and Ponch jumped back but stumbled on debris and fell backwards. Jon was on top of him in an instant slashing at his arms and chest almost blindly, and Ponch found himself fighting for his life against his best friend.

"Jon, don't! He's not the enemy," Bruce yelled over the two combatants as he struggled to move the beam pinning him down. "McLeish help him, I can't move this damn thing!"

Steve struggled to his feet as Ponch grabbed his partner's knife hand, trying to disarm him. Steve took as deep a breath as he could and grabbed Jon by the back of his collar, spun him around and punched him the jaw. It stunned Jon long enough for Steve to plant his fist firmly in the same small section of ribs Jon had hit him in.

While Jon was doubled over Steve disarmed the officer and quickly put him in a restraining hold, keeping him bent forward.

"Ponch, you okay," Steve asked, his breathing labored.

The reply was hesitant and slow in coming. "Yeah, I think so…"

"It was like something straight out of the Twilight Zone, Sarge," Steve said quietly. "I had to do it. I had to stop him before he…" his guilt and fear were almost as tangible as Jon's had been the night before and it hurt KC's heart to watch them relive it.

Getraer turned to Steve. "You did the right thing, McLeish. You have nothing to be ashamed of or feel guilty for, do you understand me?"

He nodded slowly, but Joe could see the doubt in his eyes.

KC motioned for Steve to scoot to his right so she could move from the couch arm to the cushion below, and he winced at the movement. She gave him a stern but concerned look and then carefully pressing her hand against his side. He jumped at her touch but stayed as still as he could as she felt where Jon had hit him.

"Lift up your shirt. I need to see it. And you," she pointed at Frank, "roll up your sleeves." She was quiet and serious, very much all business. "These injuries should have been tended to the day they happened, not four days later. And just how the hell did you avoid the hos…"

She couldn't keep the shocked gasp inside as she saw the ugly bruise on Steve's side. And judging from the amount of pain he was in, she thought he might have at minimum a fractured rib. Right about that time, Joe got a good look at Ponch's arms.

"My God, Frank!"

He held the officer's right arm out so KC could see as well. There was one deep cut on his forearm that Ponch had bandaged as best he could, and several more cuts all over both arms, some worse than others but all were angry red reminders of the other day.

"Oh, Frank." KC took hold of his left hand and looked into grief-stricken eyes.

There were a few moments of silence before Steve spoke, voice husky with emotion.

"Bruce was the one who snapped him out of it. He told me to bring Jon over to him…"

"Let him go, Steve."

Bruce sounded a lot more confident than he felt and he prayed his idea worked. He looked up at Jon and called to him.

"Jon, its Mitch. Help me please. Get me outta here. I'm, I'm hurt." He wasn't so sure that last part was a good idea, but it was too late to change it now.

Jon heard the young marine calling to him and saw his friend trapped underneath the debris. He knelt down beside him and took Bruce's hand.

"I got 'um, Mitch. Those VC bastards won't hurt you again."

"Jon, I'm Bruce, Bruce Nelson. We work together for the California Highway Patrol."

Steve and Ponch couldn't see Jon's face, but his body language was more than enough. His back stiffened and he tilted his head to the right as if trying to process the information, and then shook his head. Bruce persisted.

"Yes, Jon. You're not a Marine anymore; you're a cop with the CHP. I really am trapped under this stuff and I need you to help me. Please."

Jon couldn't focus for a moment and rubbed his eyes. The rage and fear were draining away and he looked again at the trapped man, confused.

"Bruce?"

"Yeah, Jon. It's me. Help me outta here."

Steve paused and looked over at Ponch, hoping he would continue, but he stayed silent.

KC saw the look and gave a little push. "And then what happened?"

Ponch cleared his throat and tried to speak, but nothing would come out except a strangled gasp.

"Don't force it, Frank," KC said gently. "I know it's unreal and frightening to be attacked by someone you're close to. Take your time, and don't fight the tears. The sergeant and I give you permission to cry; it's the strongest and bravest thing you can do right now."

As odd as it sounded, Ponch felt a flood of relief when the counselor said that. There was just something comforting in hearing someone acknowledge his feelings.

"We stayed behind them, waiting until we knew Jon was back with us again. He ah, he moved the beam and Bruce was able to drag himself out. Jon started looking around and saw the two of us. We didn't move. He got a funny look on his face when he looked at me, and then saw my arms…"

No one picked up the thread and the silence started to become uncomfortable. KC made eye contact with the sergeant and gave a small shake of her head, hoping he understood what she meant. As a counselor, she found it most difficult to wait out a prolonged silence but knew it was necessary to build their trust. She knew they weren't done and her discomfort wasn't nearly as bad as theirs.

"He looked like he was going to be sick," Ponch finally said after almost two minutes.

Steve nodded, "He looked at the three of us and said, 'What did I say to you?' Nelson told him about being called Mitch and Jon nearly collapsed. Grief-stricken is the best description, but that barely even covers it."

"That's when he said that we couldn't breathe a word of this to anyone," Bruce continued. "Said to lie about our injuries, and when Ponch started to question him he became belligerent. 'I'm not going to lose everything because of this! I'll talk to someone at the VA… I'll be fine.' And then he broke down."

They spent another twenty minutes sharing before KC felt they'd had enough. She told Getraer that the three of them would be on leave for another four weeks and she would let him know about Jon. Then she turned back to the officers again.

"Guys, look at me." She waited until they all made eye contact before continuing. "I know you won't believe this right now, but you still need to hear it; look at me- You did not betray Jon. You are not weak, or stupid or crybabies or any other nasty, derogatory labels or names you can come up with. You watched a close friend relive a nightmare and you became players in it. There is no shame in feeling frightened."

She had their undivided attention, and she saw a glimmer of hope in Frank's eyes as she spoke. Maybe these three will actually take my words to heart and make the healing process easier for themselves. She smiled inwardly at the thought and finished up her little speech.

"And I know that you all feel guilty for various reasons: not recognizing the signs in Jon, if there were any, not being able to help your friends, or for various actions you had to take to defend yourselves. But I need you to understand that it's okay. Don't beat yourselves up about it. Feel it. Embrace it. Grieve through it and then let it go. You can't change it. It happened and it's done. We will work through this together and you will heal. And that's a promise."

Getraer watched his men as the counselor spoke and saw a subtle change in their demeanor. All three had looked so depressed and beaten, and each one looked away from her when she listed off the reasons for feeling guilty about things. But as they listened to what she said, they seemed to gain some hope and confidence, though not a lot. But it was enough.