Chapter 5 - Trust
Mamoru cursed for what had to be the fifth time that hour when he discovered someone had double-parked, locking his car into its space. The fates were just not with him today. He had spilled coffee over his government paper five minutes before the deadline and his professor had refused to accept it on time. Two hours later his chemistry lab had literally exploded in his face sending acid and broken glass everywhere. It had taken an hour to clean up to his TA's satisfaction. And now, he couldn't leave.
He glanced at his watch and cursed again. He was already five minutes late to his date with Usagi. Not only was she the only thing he had to look forward to for the rest of the day, this would also be the first time seeing her in five excruciating long days.
He took a few deep breaths attempting to calm himself. This wasn't a big deal. He could handle this situation no problem. He threw his messenger bag into his car then glanced up and down the parking garage's aisles for witnesses. Luckily, the lot was filled only with the inanimate cars.
Satisfied he was alone, he quickly transformed wishing, not for the first time, that his disguise was a little less conspicuous. Then he used his supernatural strength to push the offending car out of his way.
Satisfied that he had enough space to get out, he detransformed, jumped into his own car, and sped away.
He arrived at the café only twenty-eight minutes late in total and slipped into the booth opposite his favorite blond with relief.
"Where were you?" she demanded icily.
His eyes jumped to hers in startlement at the true anger that pulsed from her form.
"I'm sorry Usako," he said sincerely. "I got here as soon as I could."
She nodded, but remained stiff.
"Usako…" he said again gently. "What's wrong?"
She closed her eyes and he panicked when she began to cry.
"Usako…?"
"I'm sorry," she said contritely. "It's just when you didn't show… I just… I thought... I mean, we've barely spoken all week," she babbled through her tears.
"Usako," he said soothingly, wishing in that moment that he could touch her. Another three weeks had passed and they were still no closer to solving his 'nightmare problem' as the senshi had taken to calling it. "I didn't mean to be distant. Things just… exploded all at once. Thinking of being here with you was the motivator that got me through the week. Tell me what I can do to make it up to you."
"I only need to know one thing," she said carefully.
He nodded. "Name it."
"Do you still want me?" she asked, biting her lower lip.
"Spirits Usako, of course I do!" he snapped, his own anger bubbling to the surface. "What kind of question is that?"
"Mamo-chan, I thought I was okay," she sobbed. "But really I'm not."
"What are you saying?"
"You really hurt me. And that doesn't just go away."
"Usako…" he pleaded, "You know why… It wasn't real."
"It was real! For me, it was completely real," she countered harshly.
The pain in her eyes killed him. After his ruse he couldn't really be angry with her. He had put her through hell. But her doubt, even though he understood where it was coming from, struck him to the core sharper than any blade.
"You don't trust me anymore," he said sadly.
"I do!" she insisted. He shook his head.
"You want to," he countered, "but you don't."
She did not contradict him. His chest tightened. He closed his eyes against the his own pain.
"I understand what you did and why. It was almost sweet," she finally said staring at her hands.
"But it doesn't change what happened or what you felt," he finished for her. He looked at her intently willing her to look back up. She didn't. He swallowed hard before offering, "Do you want me to leave you alone?"
"No!" she objected, jumping forward to clutch his hand. When the vision struck, he forced himself not to react. It was his own penance for all the pain he had caused her.
"So what do you want to do?" he asked.
"I don't know," she admitted. "I just wanted you to know where I was, that I may freak out again. That I need you to be patient with me."
"You want to go slow," he said stoically.
She nodded.
"Whatever you want Usako," he reassured. "I will wait all of eternity."
He vowed to himself never to be late to a date again.
…
Motoki was taking orders, when he caught Usagi taking her normal seat at the bar. He quickly confirmed the orders, turned them into the kitchen before he approached the petite blond.
"What can I do for my favorite customer today?" Motoki asked, not commenting on Mamoru's conspicuous absence.
"I'll take my usual, Motoki-oniisan," she said with a small smile. It did not reach her eyes.
"Are you okay Usagi-chan?" Motoki asked even as he began preparing the double chocolate milkshake with extra cherries.
Usagi glanced at him, startled. "Am I that obvious?"
"Only to those that know you best," he reassured. "So are you?" he asked again when she didn't respond.
She sighed. "I don't know."
He waited for her to elaborate, but she did not.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he prompted.
"I dreamed and begged and prayed for Mamo-chan to take me back. But now that it's happened…"
"Things aren't the same," he filled in when she trailed off.
Her head jerked up in surprise at his immediate understanding. And she nodded.
"I know that he loves me, but…"
"But he hurt you," Motoki filled in again.
She nodded and she closed her eyes against tears.
He took her hand. "You'll get through this Usagi-chan," he told her confidently. "You both will and you'll be stronger than anything, afterward."
"Are you speaking from experience?" she asked.
He blushed. "Guilty as charged," he confirmed. "But we got through it. And if we mere mortals can do it, I'm sure the destined lovers Sailor Moon and Tuxedo Kamen won't have any trouble," his whispered conspiratorially.
He had to give her credit. She tensed only for a moment and he wouldn't have noticed had he not been watching for it.
"What are you talking about Motoki-oniisan?" she asked, suddenly all innocence.
"Nice try Usagi-chan, but you can give it up the act."
She glared at him unhappily.
He laughed.
"You weren't supposed to know," she whispered. "We never wanted you to suffer that burden."
"It's not a burden, Usagi-chan. It's an honor," he told her honestly.
She blushed.
"So have the attacks stopped?" he asked to disguise her discomfiture.
"Mostly," she reported. "But even when they appear they're not an issue anymore. We have learned how to combat them."
"That's great news!"
She nodded in agreement, but did not seem happy.
"Is something else wrong?" he asked.
"The nightmares haven't gone away," she said sadly.
"Ah," Motoki said knowingly. This was probably the real problem – the real reason his friends could not connect the way they had in the past.
"Everytime I forget and touch him, he tenses up. He tries to hide it – he thinks I don't notice. It's not fair that my touch is painful to him. I can't be what he needs me to be."
"Usagi-chan, Mamoru-kun loves you. He's with you because he loves you and not for anything that you can or cannot do for him. And sometimes, love means he has to be patient. He knows that."
"I don't understand it! We figured it out! Why do they keep plaguing us?" she demanded of no one.
"I don't know Usagi-chan," he said with sympathy.
"I keep envisioning him Setsuna everywhere I go," she admitted. "She could hold his hand or cuddle up against him. And I wonder why he stays with me," she confided with tears in her eyes.
"There was never anything between them. Mamoru used her as a shield only. She could never comfort him the way your mere smile can."
"How can you be sure?" she asked pleadingly.
"You should go see her Usagi-chan," Motoki suggested.
"What?" the blond objected. "That seems totally awkward and inappropriate. I mean, wouldn't it be awkward for you to go visit one of Reika-chan's ex-boyfriends?"
"Usagi-chan, I have it on good authority that Setsuna was never interested in Mamoru anymore than he was in her. And, that your situation is more than abnormal. She would not take any offense if you were to visit her."
She nodded. "Maybe I will. Where do I find her?"
Motoki scribbled down some directions on a napkin.
She contemplated the napkin, her eyebrows furrowed together in concentration. Motoki smiled at the look, so rare on the young girl's face.
"Thank you, by the way," Motoki whispered, interrupting her musings.
She brought her eyes up to his questioningly. "For what?"
"For all that you do. You're amazing Usagi-chan," he wanted to thank her for the all the times she had saved his life. For the time she had saved Reika's, but he suspected she didn't want him to treat her any differently.
"Motoki-oniisan," she cooed. "You're the best big brother anyone could ever ask for. Thank you for listening to me today."
And she seized him in a hug across the counter.
"I try!" he said laughing.
…
Mamoru strolled through the automatic arcade doors whistling pleasantly. The happy tune died on his tongue as he watched Usagi throw herself across the counter to embrace his best friend. His body tightened in irrational jealousy.
"I try!" his friend said laughing.
Mamoru knew there was nothing except friendship between them. He was actually thrilled they got along so well. He always had been. He just hated that their interaction served as a painful reminder of how much he couldn't be there for her.
His friend saw him then and immediately pulled back smiling apologetically. Mamoru did not like the expression even as he appreciated it.
"Am I interrupting something?" Mamoru asked, keeping his voice carefully light.
"Mamoru-kun! I didn't expect to see you today," Motoki greeted.
"Neither did I," Usagi said, turning toward him with a bright smile of her own. He drank in her presence. She leaned toward him and time seemed to stop. He lifted his eyes towards hers. For that moment everything was perfect again.
Then her dazzled eyes cleared as she remembered herself and pulled away, the moment shattered. He sighed and they both took their regular seats. He was both grateful and depressed by her restraint. He knew that she was trying to be considerate, that she had wanted to kiss him. She was trying to spare him the pain of the vision. But it was hard not to feel it as a physical rejection – hard, not to think of his own shortcomings in not being able to be close to her.
Motoki gave him a pained expression and passed him his usual hazel blend without comment. Mamoru gulped the drink gratefully, watching Usagi from the corner of his eye as she bit her lower lip unhappily.
"Usako, might we go for a walk?" he asked, suddenly feeling the need to be alone with her.
She slumped with what he hoped was genuine regret.
"I'm sorry Mamo-chan. I can't. I have other plans this afternoon."
His mind flashed to a certain dark haired youth, but he forced himself not to ask. He trusted her completely. He had to. It was the only way to get through this.
"Oh," his voice sounded small even to himself.
"Maybe tomorrow?" she suggested.
"I'm helping Motoki move large boxes tomorrow," he said regretfully, sending his friend a pleading look.
"Actually, Usagi-chan," Motoki jumped to his rescue. "If you're free, Reika could really use a second opinion in some of the decorations. She's trying to 'comfortize' my bachelor pad. Her words, I swear. So you're absolutely welcome to join us," he invited.
"You don't have to take pity on me Motoki-oniisan. I know you haven't seen Reika in weeks. I don't want to intrude."
"Usagi-chan, I'm taking pity on Mamoru-kun," Motoki corrected. "He'll be the intrusive one if you're not there to drive him to distraction. Plus, I'm asking you to help me move! What romantic sessions are you going to fracture?"
"Well, okay then," she said with a grin. "I will see you tomorrow then, Mamo-chan," she said with genuine delight. His mood lifted a little. "I really should be going now," she said gently.
He watched her go regretfully.
"I love you Usako," he called after her retreating form. She waved back in acknowledgement. He kept staring at the door for a long moment after she disappeared.
"Are you okay?" Motoki asked breaking his silence.
Mamoru shrugged, turning back to his friend.
"I'm sorry," his friend said.
"It's not your fault," Mamoru assured.
"No, I meant that I'm sorry for earlier."
Mamoru looked up in surprise. "What are you talking about Motoki-kun?"
"I saw your face when you walked in."
"It's fine Motoki-kun," Mamoru insisted dismissing his own jealousy with a wave, "I just…"
"You didn't need the reminder that you're the only one that can't touch her," Motoki filled in.
Mamoru closed his eyes against the words. Truth cut deep.
"It's good though. At least you can be there for her," Mamoru forced himself to say.
"I'm sure she feels my brotherly shoulder, is a poor substitute for yours."
Mamoru nodded.
"When does Reika-chan arrive?" Mamoru asked, changing the subject. What he really wanted to ask was where Usagi had gone. He assumed Motoki knew, but he respected his friend's desire to not serve as a spy.
"Tonight!" Motoki exclaimed, allowing the subject change. "I'm going to pick her up at the airport at eight."
Mamoru smiled at his friend's excited anticipation.
"I'm sure you'll have a good time," Mamoru said, gulping down the last of his coffee. He couldn't talk about this right now. "I have to go. I'll see you in the morning at Reika's storage unit."
And he walked away from the counter.
"Mamoru-kun?" Motoki called after him. Mamoru turned back.
"She's visiting a friend," Motoki told him. Mamoru felt grateful for the bone, but his insides still writhed uncomfortably.
"You going to tell me who this friend is?" Mamoru asked.
"Just that it's not Kou Seiya."
Mamoru grinned. "Thanks Motoki-kun! That was all I needed to hear."
"I know. See you tomorrow!"
"Can't wait!" Mamoru called back with a wave.
…
Setsuna heard the knocking and smiled, knowing that Motoki had finally come through for her. She had been waiting so long she thought he had forgotten. She had actually contemplated implanting a compulsive suggestion in his subconscious.
She opened the door immediately and smiled at the petite blond before her. Her princess writhed her hands in nervousness.
"Tsukino-san, I've been expecting you," she invited warmly. "Please, come in. What can I do for you?"
"You have?" the other girl repeated in surprise.
"Yes," Setsuna confirmed, but did not elaborate. That explanation could come later.
"I… umm…" Usagi began, and then she laughed. "I'm sorry Meioh-san. I don't know what I'm doing here. I'll just…"
"You know exactly what you're doing here," Setsuna interrupted blocking Usagi's path back toward the door. "So go on," she encouraged. It would have been so much easier to just give the girl answers, but she had to work this all out herself in order to break the hold of this nightmare on the Terran prince.
"I guess… Motoki-oniisan said that I should come see you," she explained in a rush. "He said that Mamoru was never interested in you, but… seeing how kind, understanding, and intelligent that you are, it's hard to see why he would choose me," she finished with a dejected sigh.
Setsuna's smile never faded. "Honestly, Motoki-kun would know better than I. Wait here, I have something to show you."
"What do you mean?" Usagi called after her.
"I mean, that Mamoru-kun hardly spoke two words to me. It was Motoki-kun he confided in during all the time we were supposedly 'dating'," Setsuna called back, retrieving a particular napkin form her desk.
She moved back to the living room and handed the 'sketch' to her princess.
Usagi drank in the sight of the scene.
"Did he give this to you?" she demanded.
Setsuna shook her head rapidly. "No, in fact he seemed intent on hiding it from me. It revealed too much about how much he was thinking of you."
"How do you know this has anything to do with me?" she asked, her blue eyes never leaving the drawing.
"I have seen the original," Setsuna explained. "You are featured quite prominently in it."
"You've been into his bedroom?"
Setsuna laughed. Of course Usagi would seize upon that one little detail.
"Tsukion-san, listen to me," Setsuna said instead. "Mamoru-kun and I were never really dating. He invited me out to places to make it look like we were. He took my hand exactly once when your friend, Hino-san I believe her name is, was storming over to our table demanding an explanation. It was then, that I realized that he was putting on a show – for your benefit. That was the extent of our physical relationship. Emotionally, we're just good friends. It will always be that way. Assuming, of course, that you're okay with it."
"But you continued seeing him," the accusation was clear.
"I did," Setsuna confirmed.
"Why?"
"Because he was in a dark place and I was scared for him. He had cut himself off from almost everyone that was important to him. He needed my help," she explained seriously.
Usagi nodded carefully, "But…"
"Besides," Setsuna interrupted with a smile, "I couldn't let a girl who was truly interested in him get in there and truly muck things up, now could I?" she said with conspiratorial wink.
The blond girl couldn't suppress the smile that formed. "So you really don't feel anything for him?" she asked again.
"Nothing more than friendship," Setsuna reassured.
"Thank you Meioh-san, for being willing to talk to me. I didn't mean to make things awkward for you."
Setsuna smiled gently wishing more than ever that she could reveal herself to the compassionate princess before her. But it wasn't time yet. Soon though. "Your formality is the only thing that feels awkward. Please, call me Setsuna."
"Thank you Setsuna-chan."
…
Reika opened up another box, hoping that this was the one she was looking for. Her feet were cold from walking across this hardwood floor. She had already been through three other brown boxes, but they had all turned out to contain only clothes, which Usagi was already dutifully hanging up in the closet only a few feet away.
Reika pushed the box away in annoyance when it proved to be nothing more than sheets. She would really have to a better job of labeling the boxes in more detail next time she moved.
She approached an entirely different pile of boxes and tore one open at random and gleefully seized upon the floor rugs. She had been looking for her slippers, but this would work almost as well.
"Usagi-chan, what do you think?" Reika asked the other girl, holding up the two throw rugs. "Blue or green?"
"Huh?" Usagi asked startled. "Oh sorry Reika-chan. I was zoning out. Umm… green. Definitely green."
"Green? You sure?"
"Yeah! Green is Motoki's favorite color," Usagi told her.
Reika looked up at the girl in surprise.
"It is?"
"I thought it was. Isn't it?" Usagi asked uncertainly.
"You know," Reika said with a laugh, "I have no idea. You're probably right. Green it is," she said throwing the rug down on the hardwood floor.
"It looks great," Usagi said without enthusiasm. Reika frowned. She hadn't seen the girl in awhile, but she seemed unusually depressed.
"Usagi-chan, you seem down. What's wrong?"
"Nothing," the girl responded quickly. Too quickly.
"Something with Mamoru?" Reika asked gently unwilling to let it go that easily.
The girl blushed.
"Do you want to talk about it?" Reika invited at the obvious confirmation.
"There's nothing wrong, Reika-chan. I love him and he loves me… I know he does. I understand all that he did, he did to protect me," the girl explained. Reika raised an eyebrow at the news. Usagi was leaving out a lot of details. The girl probably assumed that Reika knew the whole story from Motoki already.
"Ah, he hurt you to protect you. So now you are having a hard time trusting him," Reika said sympathetically, understanding the situation only too well.
"That's just it," Usagi ground out in frustration. "I do trust him. I trust him with my life. I trust him to support and to always take care of me."
"But not with your heart," Reika concluded sadlly. No wonder Mamoru had seemed so distant this morning.
"I want to," Usagi insisted. "My head knows that he wouldn't ever break it, but my heart hasn't caught up."
"It will," Reika assured the younger girl.
"How can you be so sure?" Usagi asked wistfully.
"Usagi-chan, can I tell you a story?" Reika asked, taking a seat on Motoki's bed. She gestured for Usagi to join her.
The girl nodded, abandoning the box of clothes slowly taking her own seat.
"During my junior year of college, I applied for a six month internship on a dig in Egypt. They rarely took undergrads so I didn't expect to actually get it, but it was a site that I was writing my undergraduate thesis on so I had to shoot for it."
"You got it didn't you?" Usagi asked excitedly. "They'd have been fools not to take you Reika-chan!"
Reika couldn't help but smile. Usagi's sudden enthusiasm was contagious. "Yes, I got it. Motoki and I had been dating for about a year at the time. I didn't know what to do. He was fantastic – I knew that I loved him, but I didn't know if he would want to do the long distance relationship. I also knew that if I was successful, it wouldn't be the last time."
"How did he react?" Usagi asked.
"I never told him," Reika confessed. "I didn't want to put him through the stress of a relationship. I thought it would be better if he could have someone who could be with him all the time and not just half of the year. I thought it would be easier on him to just break it off. I think I also feared my heart would shatter if he actually said no."
"So you just disappeared?" Usagi whispered, tears forming in her eyes.
Reika nodded. "I didn't even tell him I was leaving. I just wrote him a long letter telling him that I loved him and that I wanted him to be happy."
"I take it this didn't go over well?"
"He was furious! And to make matters worse, I was working on a dig out in the middle of the Egyptian desert and he had no way to contact me, so he couldn't even tell me he was furious."
"So what happened?" Usagi prompted when Reika trailed off.
"He showed up at my dig site four months into the excavation!" she exclaimed.
"In Egypt?" Usagi exclaimed in disbelief.
"I know! It was crazy!" Reika agreed. "He threw the letter in my face and asked me if I really meant it when I said I loved him, or if I was just trying to be gentle in breaking up with him. He's younger than me you see, and thought maybe someone more mature had caught my eye."
"Which is just ridiculous," Usagi commented. Reika smiled.
"He told me that if I loved him I should have discussed it with him. At least given him a choice before I just vanished. He insisted that seeing me for only half the year every year was better than none of the year. He was also angry that I thought he wouldn't do anything and everything to support my career."
"I assume you got back together," Usagi said, gesturing to the haphazard stacks of brown cardboard boxes.
"Well yes," Reika confirmed. "But it was hard at first. Being apart for so long makes things slightly awkward when you finally get to see one another again. And he was still angry that I hadn't trusted him. And his distance hurt me as well."
"So what fixed it?" Usagi asked, rocking herself back and forth to hide the urgency of which she needed an answer.
Reika shrugged. "It wasn't any one thing. Just time really. As I came to him with similar situations and planned with him how we would get through it, he came to believe and understand that I really did trust him. Which allowed him to be closer to me. Creating a delightful cycle of growing trust and love. It just took time."
"How much time?" Usagi asked petulantly.
Reika laughed. "Usagi-chan, I don't know how long it will take. But I do know that you both will get through this."
"How can you be so sure?" Usagi asked.
"Because every time Mamoru enters a room you still turn toward him. You want to run into his arms. You hold yourself back for whatever reason, but your first instinct is to comfort him, to greet him with a kiss. It's completely unnatural for you not to do so."
"I hate not being able to touch him," Usagi confirmed.
"This tells me that your heart wasn't broken," Reika said with a smile. "Only bruised. And Mamoru-kun, with a little help from father time, is the one that will heal it."
…
Motoki and Mamoru had just finished bringing in the last of the boxes from the truck when the girls finally came down the stairs.
They each unsealed boxes and began sorting them into, urgent and less urgent categories. Mamoru found mostly kitchen related items, which he delivered to the dining room table. He didn't want to make the kitchen unusable by placing boxes all over the counter tops.
Usagi seemed to be shooting shy looks his way. Though he couldn't be certain because everytime he looked at her, she looked away. But Reika smirked knowingly, while Motoki suppressed laughter. He definitely was not imagining it. He felt very much like he was under a microscope. But Usagi was smiling. He took that as a good sign and forced himself to relax.
"Usagi-chan," Motoki called when Mamoru discovered a wok. "Mamoru-kun was just about to make us all some lunch."
Mamoru started. This was the first he was hearing of it.
"I really think he could use your help," Motoki continued. "He can be a bit clueless in the kitchen at times."
Usagi glanced at Reika and gave his blond friend a knowing look.
"Alright Motoki-oniisan," she agreed happily. "I would be delighted to supervise Mamo-chan in the kitchen. We wouldn't want lunch to be burned afterall," she said dryly following him into the kitchen.
"I take it that by supervise, you mean watch me do all the work?" he teased playfully even as he opened the refrigerator.
"Quiet you," she growled, throwing a hand towel at him. He caught it easily, chuckling. "Motoki-oniisan knows I'm hopeless in the kitchen. Can't you see it was a ploy? He wanted some alone time with Reika-chan! They haven't seen each other in months!"
Mamoru suspected that wasn't the only reason, just an added bonus. Motoki was far too gracious a host to isolate his guests for purely selfish reasons. But he certainly had no objections to Motoki's ulterior motives. Not in this instance.
"So what do you want for lunch, Usako?" Mamoru asked.
"What are our options?" she asked enthusiastically, peering over his shoulder into the fridge.
"There's actually a lot to choose from. I think Motoki-kun stocked up to prepare for Reika-chan's arrival."
She glanced through the drawers and shelves of the refrigerator before throwing her arms up in frustration.
"Oh, I don't care," she said. "Make whatever. I'm sure it'll be delicious. I'll sit here," she said hopping onto a stool, "and supervise."
Mamoru smiled before diving into Motoki's ingredients figuring if his friend had been saving something he should have said something. He filled two pots with water and placed them on stove to boil. He added seasonings to make a soup base for one of them and then began slicing up some scallions, mushrooms, cabbage and shrimp while he waited for the boiling to start.
"What did you decide to make?" Usagi asked curiously.
"I'm just making a soba noodle soup. Figured it would be fast.
Just that moment, delighted laughter floated past them from the other room. Usagi and he shared a knowing smile.
"I don't know Mamo-chan. I don't think Motoki-oniisan is counting on fast," she said delightfully.
Mamoru grinned, coating the preheated wok with a small amount of oil.
"Do you want to help Usako?" he asked.
"I don't know," she said nervously. "It already smells really good. I really don't want to ruin it."
"You can't ruin it while I'm standing right here. Come here," he ordered.
He dumped in the mushrooms and they hit the oil with a satisfying sizzle.
"Here," he said, handing her the wooden spatula. "It's simple, all you have to do is push the food around the pan, occasionally flipping it over so both sides get heated."
She complied, staring at the browning mushrooms with intense focus.
He laughed.
"Why are you laughing at me?" she demanded.
"I'm not!" he said defensively.
She starred at him flatly.
"Okay, I am," he admitted. "You just looked like you were concentrating so hard."
"This was your idea Mamo-chan!" she declared waving the spatula in his face. "You know I am hopeless in the kitchen. If you're just going to laugh at me, I want no part."
"You're doing fine Usako," he reassured. He tossed the shrimp into the pan with the mushrooms. "And now the shrimp needs your attention."
She went back to stirring, this time her lips curled downward in a pout. He grinned with suppressed laughter. He added the noodles to the now boiling water before turning back to her.
"Now flip each piece over," he directed.
She did so and slowly her pout transformed into a slight smile. He added the cabbage.
"Now, it'll be done when the cabbage starts to wilt."
"How will I know when it's starting to wilt?" she asked.
"You'll know. It just gets more flexible," he explained. "It doesn't take long."
Mamoru meanwhile, strained the noodles before rinsing them in cold water to stop the cooking process. There was nothing worse than overdone noodles.
"Mamo-chan, I think it's done," Usagi called. He looked over her shoulder.
"Looks great Usako," he encouraged. "Now, dump that into the soup pot."
He followed suit with the cold noodles.
"How long do we have to wait now?" she asked.
"Just a minute or so," he explained scavenging the kitchen for bowls.
"Really? That's it?" she asked in disbelief. "No wonder I always burn everything," she mumbled under her breath.
"It's hard to burn soup Usako," he commented.
"Trust me, it's not impossible," she countered. He chuckled.
He lined up the four bowls on the counter and began filling them with soup.
"Would you go ask Motoki-kun where he's planning on us all eating this?"
"Why can't we just…" Usagi asked. She stopped mid question as she no doubt saw that the table was covered in boxes. "Oh."
"Motoki-oniisan!" she called as she darted out of the room, "Where did you…" she cut off with an audible gasp.
"Usako?" Mamoru called after her, slightly concerned. When she didn't respond he followed her.
Across the room inbetween stacks of boxes, his oldest friend was on one knee with a diamond ring held out to his girlfriend. She had a hand over her mouth in shock.
"I had this whole romantic evening planned," he was saying to her. "But being here with you for the first time in what feels like forever, watching us meld our lives together… I just… couldn't wait. I was hoping that I'd be able to see you wearing this before the day was over. Nishimura Reika, will you be my wife?"
The auburn haired lady threw herself at the blond man, her arms encircled his neck as she kissed him.
Mamoru looked away from the couple to his golden rabbit. She stood with tears in her eyes at the scene, her hand covering her own mouth in glee. He longed for the day when he could ask her the same question.
Her eyes darted to his and he offered her a small smile. She met his eyes for a moment with a small smile of her own before she quickly looked away with a blush.
He couldn't ask her yet. Neither one of them had completely healed yet, but her blush told him that they had made so much progress. He could content himself with waiting. She was more than worth it.
And in the meantime, he didn't have to imagine what she would like in her wedding dress. He already knew.
"So that's a yes?" Motoki asked with vulnerable eyes.
"Of course it is Toki!" she exclaimed took the ring from his hands and tried it on her left hand. Usagi squealed quietly in excitement.
"What took you so long?" Reika demanded playfully.
Motoki blushed.
Mamoru took pity on him and decided to rescue his friend. He stepped forward and clapped Motoki on the back.
"Congratulations Motoki-kun! You've earned yourself the second best woman in the world!"
"We'll have to agree to disagree on the count Mamoru-kun," Motoki disagreed.
"Mamo-chan!" Usagi scolded at the same time. Motoki and Reika laughed as they looked at one another in the eyes all over again, positively glowing.
Mamoru turned innocent eyes toward Usagi. "I won't take it back," he whispered without a trace of remorse.
She turned a delightful shade of red before turning back to their friends.
"Motoki-oniisan, thank you for allowing us to witness this beautiful moment. Please forgive Mamo-chan's rudeness. He can be a bit of an idiot at times."
"You and I both know it Usagi-chan," Motoki said, never taking his eyes of his new fiancé. "But that's what he has us for – to force him to see sense when he's being particularly thick-headed."
Reika laughed.
"Anyway," Mamoru interrupted loudly. "If you're all done laughing at my expense, we'll going to take our soba outside, get out of your hair, and let you celebrate. Should you get hungry, there's ready made food on the counter."
The newly promised couple nodded gratefully.
Mamoru gave Reika a hug before leaving, "I'm so happy for you Reika-chan. You're right that this was a long time in coming. Congratulations," he whispered.
"Thank you Mamoru-kun," she whispered back.
Mamoru and Usagi departed with soups in hand. They did not go far – just settled down on the stairs right outside Motoki and Reika's apartment.
Usagi immediately began slurping down the soup happily.
"So I take it you approve, even though you had a hand in its creation?" Mamoru asked as he sipped the broth carefully.
She nodded enthusiastically. "But don't get too used to me doing anything in the kitchen," she warned. "Without you guiding my hand, I still think I'd be lost."
He laughed again, but immediately sobered as he picked up the second layer to her statement.
"Usako?" Mamoru asked when they had fallen into silence.
"Yes, Mamo-chan?" she said around a mouthful of shrimp.
"I know things aren't the way they used to be, but…"
"Mamo-chan," she interrupted. "You don't have to try so hard. I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere," she promised with a smile.
He smiled back, his heart lighter than it had been in months.
…
Making one meal together a week had quickly become a tradition. Though now, six weeks later, Usagi had asked if they might make a dessert instead. He used the request as a golden opportunity to teach her to make cookies, in the hopes that he would never have to suffer through a bag of blackened sugar cookies again.
The endeavor had been an amazing success. Or at least he thought it had. Usagi was now looking mournfully into her teacup.
"What's wrong Usako?" he asked.
"I still have cookies," she said simply.
"I fail to see how that is a problem," he said with a smile tugging at the corner of his lips.
"We're out of tea," she whined.
He stole the teapot out of her hands and quickly refilled it before placing it on the stove to be reheated. Moments later, she was happily sitting across from him once again with a cookie in one hand and a steaming cup in the other.
She said nothing as she munched her way through the sweet confection. Then she was looking at him with those sad puppy eyes, biting her lip in a fashion that drove him to the edge of sanity.
"What is it now?" he asked, grinning.
"I'm out of cookies."
"Don't you think we've had enough?"
"But I still have tea!" she objected. This time she moved to the kitchen herself. And he listened to her rummage around the kitchen. He followed her and watched as she dropped another twelve balls of cookie dough onto the baking sheet.
"Usako! This is too many!"
"You can never have too many cookies Mamo-chan!"
"Five minutes after these are done you're going to be saying we don't have enough tea!"
"Probably," she agreed.
Fifteen minutes later, she couldn't get the words out of her mouth. Everytime she tried, she just burst into uncontrollable laughter. And he couldn't help but join her. This did not prevent her from running into the kitchen to make more tea.
During her absence he managed to get himself mostly under control again taking careful measured breaths to battle what had become painful bouts of laughter. That is, until she returned. One look at her tea filled cheeks and he exploded into laughter all over again.
Unfortunately for him, she did as well, spraying the whole room with jasmine tea. They spent the rest of the evening sneaking sips of tea and bits of cookies inbetween fits of laughter. He had long ago stopped trying to figure out what exactly was so funny. His cheeks hurt from smiling so much. Not that he could manage to string enough words together to voice this complaint.
In a seemingly impossible moment, they actually managed to run out of tea and cookies at the same time. His surprise suppressed his mirth in that instant and he looked up into Usagi's eyes. She returned the stare for a long moment and he felt himself frozen in her gaze.
"I love you, Mamo-chan," she whispered.
Suddenly, laughter was the furthest thing from his mind. He had to close his eyes against the tears that suddenly wanted to fall.
"What's wrong?" she asked urgently, her voice full of concern.
"Nothing!" he reassured hastily. "That's the first time you've said it since… well, you know."
She looked at him in shock. "No," she objected in disbelief. "That can't be true. I've said it," she insisted.
He shook his head with a smile. "No, that was the first time."
She looked straight into his eyes.
"I love you!" she said again. "I love you! I love you! I love you!"
"I love you too, Usako." And more than anything in that moment, he wished he could touch her, but if he did that would bring on the vision and he most certainly did not want to poison this moment.
"Spirits, I wish I could touch you," he whispered.
"Well, now that that's fixed, I think I have a solution to your nightmare problem."
They both leapt to their feet in startlement at Sailor Pluto's sudden presence before them.
"Who are you?" Usagi asked.
"Setsuna-chan!" Mamoru exclaimed simultaneously.
"Setsuna-chan?" Usagi repeated. "You're a Sailor Senshi?"
Pluto bowed her head gracefully. "I am Sailor Pluto. It's a pleasure to meet you again princess and under much better circumstances."
"You've had a solution, all this time?" Mamoru demanded.
"I wasn't holding out on you Mamoru-kun. It wouldn't have worked until now."
"What do you mean?" Usagi asked.
"You had to rebuild your love and trust in one another. Any trace of doubt or fear would have made the nightmare come true."
This pronouncement sobered Mamoru immediately.
"So what do we have to do?"
"Take my hands."
They both eagerly stepped forward.
…
The scent of roses surrounded them and an orchestra played softly in the distance. Setsuna was nowhere to be seen. Instead, they were surrounded by satin covered chairs decorated with red ribbons and bows, framed by rose vines woven through white lattice. Mamoru felt himself tensing automatically. It was too easy to picture a bride coming through that living archway only to fall to her premature death.
Had Setsuna brought them into the nightmare?
He glanced at Usagi. She nodded to him stoically and he instantly relaxed. He could face this – if she was here with him he could face anything.
At that moment, a man dressed in a white tuxedo appeared before them. A man with midnight blue eyes and dark hair.
"Took you long enough," his older self chided with a huge smile as they approached.
"You were the one that sent the nightmare?" Mamoru accused.
The other man nodded. "It was necessary to save the future."
"From what?" Mamoru asked in confusion.
"Everyone had fears Mamoru, but your fears are particularly dangerous."
"I don't understand."
The king from the future sighed.
"You have abilities as the Terran Prince, a connection to the earth. Most of them would have remained dormant had you never recovered any memories of Endymion, but once you did, you began coming into your powers.
"Unfortunately, you haven't been trained," the other man continued. "This wouldn't have been a problem if you weren't also alone."
"He's not alone," Usagi objected.
"That's not what I meant Usako," the other man said gently with a small smile. Mamoru scowled at the use of the endearing nickname. His older self smirked. "You are the last of the Elysian Court."
"The Shittenou…" Mamoru realized. "They were supposed to be with me if I recovered my memories."
His older self nodded. "They were supposed to be with you, balancing out or absorbing your powers until you learned to control them. They were actually beginning your training in your dreams, but you came into your powers too quickly. And dreams are… not the most direct method of communication."
Mamoru frowned. That fact hadn't prevented this man from sending him the worst vision he ever experienced repeatedly.
"What is all this training supposed to teach me?"
"You are connected to this earth. It's so much more than just a hunk of rock in space as you're beginning to learn. It has a life force all of its own. And you are a channel for that life flow."
"I don't understand."
"Don't you? As I said, your fears are dangerous. It hasn't been youmas attacking your princess. It's the very earth itself responding to your fear."
"You mean, by concentrating on that fear…"
"…you were bringing it into existence. The Earth was responding to your thoughts. She will always respond to your thoughts so you have to master your fears and emotions. You exist always as a channel. All earthlings do, but for you, as the prince of the earth, the effect is extremely magnified.
"This fear of losing her has been with you for a long time. As you came into your connection with the planet, you began unknowingly to summon more spirits to do your bidding, which in turn caused your fears to grow."
"Which resulted in more spirits," Mamoru concluded. The revelation sent chills down his spine. If he had continued as he had been they would eventually have been up to their ears in malicious spirits.
"Which is exactly what happened in the original timeline."
"The original?"
"You never resolved your fears, but the attacks increased so gradually that none of us noticed the pattern. Over the centuries the spirits multiplied until we couldn't manage it anymore and Usagi was not the only one affected."
"I didn't mean…" Mamoru began to object.
"It's understandable that you would fear for her," his future self said caressing her face. "She is so young… completely innocent."
Usagi blushed. Mamoru felt his ire rising.
"Don't touch her," he growled.
"My apologies," his older self said, but he didn't sound remotely contrite. He seemed amused.
Mamoru supposed that it was rather ridiculous to be jealous of oneself.
"That it is," he older self agreed with another superior smirk.
"I didn't say anything."
"Doesn't mean I don't know what you're thinking."
"You seem to have me at a disadvantage."
"Not for long."
Mamoru was not at all certain he liked this conversation. In fact, he knew he didn't.
"So you sent the nightmare… to train me? That doesn't make sense. The nightmare made the fear worse!"
"Exactly. We accelerated the growth of the fear to make the attacks happen more quickly so the pattern could be noticed. We made it so big that you could not possibly ignore it. The only way for you to survive, the only way for Usako to survive was for you to let go of the fear. Choose love instead."
"How did you know it would work?"
"I didn't," the king said bluntly.
It was a sobering statement.
"But I had to have faith that your love was strong enough," the king said softly.
"And if it hadn't been?" Mamoru demanded.
"I had to choose love over fear," the man in white told him. "Same as you."
Mamoru considered this.
"Thank you," he finally said.
"You'd do the same in my place," the man said with confidence. "Now, if you'll allow it, I need to speak to your little rabbit," he said with a devilish smile.
Mamoru wanted to object, but he felt ridiculous.
"Usako," the older man said enveloping her hand within his own. "Walk with me. I have much to tell you."
Mamoru watched himself walk away hand in hand with his beloved as Mamoru had been unable to do in months. He glared at the back of his own head as his other self whispered secrets that caused Usagi to smile and blush in turn. He clenched his fists.
It's you, he kept repeating to himself. It's you.
When she giggled he nearly lost it. But before he could charge forward, the man dressed in white turned back around to face him as Usagi ran into his arms so hard he almost fell over.
"Usa…" he began. She smothered whatever he had been about to say, planting her lips fiercely over his own.
He tensed automatically expecting the vision, but when nothing came he relaxed and allowed himself to enjoy her scent filling his senses like a rose in fullest bloom for what felt like the very first time.
She was the one to pull away first, gasping. He released her lips reluctantly. He would have suffocated before he chose to let that kiss end. He kissed her again.
"What did he say to you?" he managed to ask inbetween kisses.
"Ah-ah-ah," his own voice interrupted. "You can only know when you're on the other side of this conversation."
"And how will long will that be?" Mamoru asked still clutching Usagi in his arms.
The other man shrugged, "Another millennia or two."
"What?"
His older self smirked even as he faded away.
He now stood standing alone with Usagi.
"You won't tell me, will you," he said. It was not really a question.
She bit her lip as she grinned mischievously, clearly telling him no.
"I wouldn't want to spoil anything for you," her eyes sparkled like the ocean as the sun set.
"I love you, Usako."
"I know," she said coyishly.
"You know?" he growled, pulling her closer, secretly delighted and annoyed at the same time at her playing hard to get.
"Yup!" she said playfully.
She did not resist as he trapped her against him. He enveloped her lips in his own, once again delighted that there was no accompanying nightmare. It still felt like he was kissing her for the very first time.
He pulled away first, and stared straight into her eyes.
"Marry me, Usako," he said.
Her playful grin vanished as she stared at him in shock.
"You're proposing now?"
"I am," he said seriously, falling to one knee, relinquishing all of her except one hand that he pressed to his lips. As he did the dream shifted and they were in the garden on the moon, the fountain bubbling in the background, the water glistening in the light reflected off Earth. Roses in full bloom surrounded them on all sides. Usagi looked around in amazement, her eyes sparkling in childlike wonderment.
Mamoru noticed none of it – his eyes only for the princess of his dreams, his beloved. She was his whole life if he was honest with himself.
"There's one other thing we have to do first," she said with a smile.
"And what's that?"
"Pick out an omiyage!"
"So that's a yes?" he asked, wanting to hear her say it.
She laughed. "Yes Mamo-chan! Did you ever doubt it?"
"Well, I haven't exactly been the best boyfriend lately."
She smiled. "I'm sure you'll be the best husband."
"How do you have so much faith in me?" he asked.
"I have to. I would be lost without you," she whispered.
"You were almost lost because of me," he growled.
"But I wasn't," she insisted. "Our love was strong enough to overcome your fear. I don't know what better way you could express your love."
"I can think of a few other methods that I prefer," he insisted pulling her into another kiss.
She laughed delightedly.
Now that he could touch her again, he didn't know how he was ever going to let her go.
…
A/N: The tea and cookies scene is inspired by my sister. It's a true story!