Ichigo Kurosaki didn't mind being dead. It wasn't much of a change from when he was alive. His dad came to visit. His sister Karin could see him and Yuzu was cued in on the whole deal.

So, being a captain wasn't all that bad. Besides, he had his sidekicks and plenty of postcards to send out with the daily warnings from around Soul Society.
The only thing he was missing was his girlfriend who ran off to live with the Seven Dwarves.

"Ishida, isn't this gripping?" Ichigo asked, putting his feet on his nice wooden desk.

Ishida looked up from where he was sewing one of the many holes in Ichigo's other pair of socks. "What is?"

Ichigo held up his newest 'Danger Postcard.' "This headline! The Espada Live!"

"And…" Ishida couldn't help but be unimpressed. "Everyone knows that by now."

"Well." The Captain of the Third Company frowned. Why did Ishida seem so upset? Today, Ichigo actually gave him a job called, 'keeping everyone's clothing looking neat'. "Because, this card has a list of things to do if you run into an Espada."

"And what are those?" Ishida sighed. How many holes could Ichigo's socks have? He didn't even want to try and count. "Fight to the death?"

"No." Ichigo replied, a smug smile on his face. "One. Fight to the death. Two. Offer them candy and hope they go away. Three. Play dead. Four. Make them cookies. Five. Run away. And only do this unless it's a last resort. Soul Reapers don't run away."

"Candy and cookies?" Ishida scoffed, recalling the latest letter from Orihime. "I don't think that will get you anywhere. If anywhere, you will just make them mad."

"How so?! This is a brilliant list! And cookies are good!"

"Um." Ishida reached up with his hand and fixed his glasses. "According to Orihime, the Espada do not like normal human foods as they seem to find it disgusting. She tried to make a cake for Ulquiorra-"

"Don't say that name in here!" Ichigo cried, still crushed over the fact that the main girl character liked some Emo guy more than the hot, all powerful and overly attractive main character. (Who just happened to be Ichigo.)

"Okay. She made cake for the Espadas and they liked the gesture, but kindly refused. So, if the Espada don't like Orihime's cooking, why would they like cookies and candy? Made by second-rate cooks you Soul Reapers make."

"You didn't just say that!" Ichigo gasped, leaning over the desk and into Ishida's face. "DId you?! Are you implying that Qunicies cook better than Soul Reapers?!"

"Yes." Ishida replied, wishing that Ichigo wouldn't yell at him at such close range. "I did. For a matter of fact."

"That does it!" The Captain of the Third Company wasn't going to be out cooked! Especially as the main character! "We are going to have a cooking battle. Right here! Right now! You and me, Qunicy!"

"Not right now." Ishida held up a very stitched up sock. "I am not done with the stupid work you put me to!"

"It's not stupid!" Ichigo cried, "Clothing is very important and you are the only person who can sew!"

"Why don't you learn, then?! I am not your mother!"

"You're my kinda brother! Get sewing!"

"Why you-"

"Hey."

Ichigo and Ishida turned their heads to see Chad standing in the doorway of the Captain's office. "What?!"

Chad sighed. The two had been fighting again. They had been fighting much more since they learned they were kind of related last week. (Because Ichigo's mother was in the Ishida Clan before marrying Isshin.) "Guys. Meeting."

"What?!" Ichigo cried.

"Now?!" Ishida wasn't going anywhere until he got to quit his stupid job.

'Yes. Main meeting hall." Chad replied, gesturing over his shoulder out the open door. "Right now."

"Okay, okay…" Ichigo sighed and with a step forwards, made his way to the large meeting hall where all of the other Captains where standing, talking among one another. "So! Old Man Yamamoto, what is this all about?"

"Kurosaki, Ichigo. Please take your place with the Captains. We are all here to witness the cooperation of Hueco Mundo's Tyrant Queen who has offered to hand over one of her own subjects until Yumichika is returned to us."

"And?" Ichigo made a face at Renji who was standing next to his Captain who looked all to serious for his own good. "This is good because?"

"Harribel has finally agreed to obey the order of Soul Society and I hope she continues to do so as I am making it a priority to take control of Hueco Mundo."

"That does seem reasonable." Ichigo scratched his head, thinking. "They are evil after all." And they took my to-be girlfriend.

Yamamoto nodded approvingly. Kurosaki was a wonderful addition to the 13 Guards. "And, is she here?" He asked Toshiro who was standing near the two large doors.

"Not yet-she is here." The small Captain replied, seeing a tall woman with yellow hair appear just outside. At her side was a man with long blond hair and a smile on his face.

Torshiro was not sure if the smile was a kind one or that of evil intent.

"We have arrived." Tia Harribel announced, walking boldly into the meeting room with Yylfordt trailing along behind her. "I hope we did not keep you waiting too long."

If only Circci didn't insist on kissing him for as many days he would be gone, we would have gotten here sooner… But whatever…

"Not in the least, Harribel."

Tia frowned at Yamamoto's casual address. "Queen Harribel."

"I refuse to address you as such, Hollow."

"I." Tia closed her eyes, wishing for just an ounce of Szayel's sassy tone. He didn't use it very often, but when he did, it scared people out of their socks. I am going to have borrow some moves as well, if you don't mind. Tia put her hand on her hip. "If you think I'm some kind of simple hollow, you are sorely mistaken, doll. "

Yes! She cried, seeing Yylfordt's eyes go wide as he realized what she was using. I got it down!

"I am a Vasto Lorde, and I demand that you address me with respect!"

AHHH! Yylfordt screamed inside as his Queen impersonated his brother to an A. Tones, hand gestures and even a little smirk. It's scary! Circci!

"Um. I see." It was Yamamoto turn to frown, stroking his beard in thought. "Do you have the leverage we requested?"

"Yes." Tia returned to her normal monotone, but strong voice. "I do. And to say the least. How you treat him is how we shall treat Yumichika in return. Kill or purify him, refuse this deal and your Soul Reaper will be eaten."

Yamamoto opened his mouth to speak.

"By me, personally." Tia wanted this to be as clear as day. "Is that understood?"

The First Captain did not like the way this hollow spoke in the least. But he had no choice but to obey. "Understood." He turned his attention to Yylfordt who was more scared to Tia than he was of all the Soul Reapers in the room.

What she did was just freaky! Plain freaky!

"Come forwards, Hollow and-"

"Do I have to intervene again, gal?" Tia asked, sliding right back into her impersonation. "That there is Yylfordt Granz and I demand that you address him as much respect. Are we clear on the facts, doll?"

AHHH! This is creeeeppy!

"Yes." Yylfordt composed himself the best he could before taking a step forwards. "I am the Fifteen Numeros, Yylfordt Granz and I am thankful for your-"

"Wait a minute…" Renji cut in, the name finally ringing a bell. "Don't I know you?"

"Do I know you?" Yylfordt glanced to his left to see the red-haired Soul Reaper standing behind one of the Captains. "I think…I do…"

"Karakura town." Renji muttered, trying to place the face in front of him with a name. Was this the guy who dressed up as Aizen? If only Renji was not forbidden to talk of his mission to Heuco Mundo."…Maybe…what's is your Zanpakutō's name?"

"Name?" Yylfordt raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"What is…he or she called?"

"He or she?" This was getting more confusing all the time. "My sword is just…a… sword. It doesn't have a…wait a minute! You think that my sword is like your sword and has a magic spirit inside, don't you?"

"Yes?" Now, Renji was confused. "Doesn't it?"

Yylfordt glanced at his sword hanging on his left hip. "Nah. It doesn't. It has no soul like it's owner and so, doesn't talk. In fact it is really just my previous form created into a sword. But yea. I did have a name back in the day. We Hollows change names more than the average Soul Reaper. So, yeah. My name was Del Toro after I changed it from Yylfordt Granz… and then, I had to use my old name in Los Notches again. Might change it back though."

"Del…" Renji froze. "No way! You're that…Arrancar that I blasted out of the sky! How the hell are you still alive?!"

"Um." Yylfordt tried to think of the best way to explain. "In short, the Fourth Wall was broken halfway through the Bount Arc and I slipped behind it at the last second."

Renji looked at him like he was mad. "Fourth wall?"

"Yes." Yylfordt pointed over his shoulder at the large duct tape patch hanging in the sky. "That's the fourth wall. It was fixed before the Battle of Karakura Town and please, don't break it. We don't want to get sucked out of our own world, do we?"

Renji glanced at the large patch job. "Now you say that, I remember why you were dress as...never mind…But what is out there?"

"Our readers." Yylfordt replied, not liking how Telsa used them to blackmail him in the Bonus Chapter of the last story. "And they are sick, evil creatures!"

"How… so?"

"You don't what to know what comes into their heads… nasty slash fiction!"

"Ugh… Okay." Renji didn't even want to go there. "Anyhow, It's very interesting we have met once again, Yylfordt."

"Um…" Since he was somewhere new, why not use his favorite name instead? "Can you possibly call me Del Toro?"

"Sure? Why?"

"Because my common name was given to me by someone I highly dislike."

"Aizen?"

"…Nah… Worse. Anyhow. Queen Harribel, anything else you want to say?"

"Nothing, Del Toro." She switched names with ease. In her personal opinion, she liked the name she had now, but she could understand Yylfordt wish to be called by his own creation. "It is all settled."

"Great?" Del Toro glanced around the room of Soul Reapers, suddenly nervous over the fact that Tia would be leaving him alone with these hollow-killers.

"Can you get me something to do around here? I don't really want to sit in a Jail Cell…"

"True." Tia nodded, "And you will not be sitting in a cell. As how ever they treat you, Yumichika will be treated as well."

"Are ya sure?"

"Yes. And, if any of you captains find it fit to give him a temporary job in one of your companies, I highly recommend him. Well trained in the way of the sword and rather intelligent."

"We will take those into account." Yamamoto scanned the lines of captains. There had to be someone who could watch over this Hollow until Yumichika was returned. "And volunteers?"

No one moved.

"All those who refuse will have to watch over Yachiru."

All hands flew into the air.

Author's Note: And so The Fourth Wall Returns! And Tia scares the heck out of Yylfordt! I want to see her impersonate a few more of the Espada. Like Nnoitra. I am sure she can swear. So, the whole sword/name thing is sorted out! And so, Nnoitra was in fact, at one time, called Santa Teresa and so forth. Have you noticed that an Espada's sword disappears after they release it? Heh.

More on my own idea of Hollow Evolution later!

And not all slash fiction is evil. Just Granzcest. Because it's wrong and ick! They are actual brothers!

I don't want to write a whole rant here... so I'll just stop.