Author's note: This is kind of a filler chapter. Sorry guys. Lots of brooding and Stefan being introspective. Just bear in mind, it's less than than 24 hours since Elena chose Damon so he's entitled to a bit of wallowing.

Stefan drove until he got bored with the scenery whipping by; sick of the monotony. He pulled into the next town scouring it for a hotel or bar. He found one that looked seedy enough; somewhere he could sit disconsolately in the corner and drown his sorrows. Stefan walked in taking in the interior; scouting out the other patrons. Many of them looked downcast or broken.

He was had definitely come to the right place.

Stefan made his way to the bar and ordered a shot of whisky. He downed it in one. Asked the bar tender to leaver the bottle. The man nodded, not judging him and giving him a knowing smile. Stefan frowned as the man turned away;

Understands me, does he? He doesn't know how it feels to slowly watch the love of your life gradually fall out of love with you and in love with your own brother.

Stefan hated how bitter he sounded;
Why couldn't I be more like Klaus or Damon? Wreak havoc and destruction when they felt upset or betrayed? Would certaintly be more fun. I would even settle for being one of those guys who suffered through their anguish and heart break in resigned and dignified silence.

To hell with that. My girlfriend declared herself to my brother less than twelve hours ago; I'm allowed to brood.

Stefan then proceeded to leave the bar to sit in a corner as planned, to continue to simultaneously drink and brood. As he slowly yet diligently made his through the bottle he reflected how his life seemed to follow a certain pattern; heartbreak or ripper phase than subsequent detox by Lexi. Repeat.

Yet Lexi wasn't there. Nor was Caroline.

Caroline who possibly had feelings for Klaus; he could sympathize. He knew from the start that something was off about Katherine; she had this mystery about her. She was intriguing and dangerous. Yet he had been drawn in. The same thing was happening with Caroline and Klaus. He only hoped that it turned out better between those two than it had between he and Katherine.

Of course it will. Katherine had strung them both along and then turned them both. She left town leaving them to transition without her. Caroline on the other hand was already a vampire and she knew all about Klaus' history.

Klaus had done terrible things. Hadn't they all? Damon had toyed with Caroline when she was human and terrorized them all. Caroline had killed those witches to save Bonnie. Elena and Jeremy had killed Kol. Matt killed Finn. He killed Vicki. They were all guilty. it was because of this that he sometimes allowed himself to care for Klaus. Klaus had had his moments; he genuinely cared for his family and for Caroline. He almost considered him a friend.

We did have fun in the twenties.

Through his slightly inebriated state, he realized he was glad to have a legitimate reason to contact Klaus again. Perhaps they could even take another road trip. He would rather it be with Lexi but it was all a means to an end.

Stefan wondered idly what Lexi and Klaus would make of one another. Lexi had been watching him from the other side but she had never met him. She would have seen his anger and his impulsiveness. She would have seen his twisted idea of brotherhood on their ill fated hybrid mission. She would have witnessed his gradual change as he slowly started to fall for Caroline.

I have the feeling she'd feel the need to address all of the negatives first. Lexi had a tendency to hold grudges; she still hadn't forgiven Damon.

Stefan smiled ruefully, thinking about how easy things would have been if he could have fallen for Caroline at some point. If he had been remotely romantically interested in any of the blonde vampires in his life; Rebekah, Lexi, Caroline. Rebekah was too high maintenance. Caroline was his best friend. Lexi was his oldest friend. But none of that mattered because they weren't a certain brunette teenager he'd saved from that bridge.

Stefan gritted his teeth, angered;
Why did his thought always have to return to her?

Stefan thought of her when he woke up and she was the last thing on his mind when he tried to sleep at night. He loved her. He always would and it would kill him.

It wasn't just losing her; it was the sting of losing her to Damon. He and Damon had finally repaired their relationship. He had become a better person. A better person that Elena had ended up with. He hadn't just lost her; he'd lost his brother. Eventually he'd forgive them both but that day was not now. It was not now and it was not in the foreseeable future.

Stefan rose from his seat, placing a few bills on the bar before leaving with the almost empty bottle in tow. His vampire constitution meant that he wasn't as drunk as he would have liked; he welcomed the idea of oblivion. To just forget.

He didn't want to feel.

The temptation to flip his switch had never been more overwhelming than it was right now. The freedom it would bring; he could feed again. Indulge in human blood. Guilt free. No more cravings. No more reigning it in. No more bunny diet. He could do whatever he pleased. The only downfall being that Lexi usually bought him back when he was at his most destructive. If he were to turn it off, he would lose sight of his objective. He wouldn't get her back. In turn, he wouldn't turn it back it would be emotionless forever.

"Would still be a lot easier than having to sift through all these bullshit emotions!" Stefan roared, throwing the bottle against the alley wall. It made a satisfying sound as it broke into a thousand pieces. A fitting analogy for how his heart felt of late.

Stefan heard the bartender shout from inside. He quickly vamped back to his car. He needed to get a grip on himself. He needed to focus. He needed...Lexi.

Stefan gripped the steering wheel tighter taking a few deep breaths, calming himself. Staying here was not helping. He decided to drive through the rest of the night. He'd stop after dawn at whichever motel was closest. Maybe grab another bottle to help him sleep.
Mind firmly made up, he pulled out a mixed CD he hadn't listened to in a while. Lexi had made it way back when. He remembered how annoyed she had been at the phasing out of tape players in cars. He chuckled, remembering how she had gone on in the same fashion when records were replaced.

One of things he missed most about Lexi was her sense of humour. She was quirky. She had this tendency to make him laugh; to make him quit being so melancholy. Which meant that her mixed CDs were usually incredibly upbeat. He loaded the cd, smiling as Bon Jovi blared through the speakers.

Classic Lexi.

XX

Stefan awoke groggily the next morning; he regretted the bottles of whisky. He wasn't as hungover as he would have been had he been human. However it was still unpleasant. But there was more; he couldn't remember the particulars but he vaguely recalled phoning several people. He usually didn't drunk dial. He recalled Lexi once telling him during one of their stints apart that whisky tended to have that effect.

Stefan prolonged checking his call history. He got up, grabbed some water and showered. He couldn't delay it any longer. He scrolled through his call history; a 15 minute call to Caroline, a failed call to Lexi's old number and four calls to Elena. The duration of the first three suggested that he had hung up before it had properly connected. Yet the fourth had a duration of five minutes. He couldn't remember the conversation.

Stefan groaned; he had this knack of being either upbeat and charismatic when drunk or melancholy bordering on downright depressing. On the very rare occasion, it would be an disturbing blend of the two. It was unpleasant. Or so he had been told. Lexi had said a few of her best memories had been when she had witnessed him like that. He had this feeling that last night would have fallen into that category.

Stefan was tempted to text Elena and ask what they'd talked about. Instead he decided to take the roundabout route. He called Caroline instead.

"Stefan, two calls in less than twelve hours? Are we sober this time?"

"Unfortunately yes. I don't suppose you happen to know what I talked to Elena about last night? Or, this morning I guess?"

"Um, I was with her last night when you called... So was Damon"

"Joined at the hip already"

"It's gross. Are you ok?"

"it's fine. Tyler back yet?"

"No. I totally thought he would be by now. Guess he just got caught up"

Stefan could hear the doubt in her voice.

"Klaus did force him out of town and into hiding. Probably takes a while for him to get back from wherever he was hiding out"

"I guess..."

"About the phone call Caroline?"

"Stefan... Well, I think you kind of compared her to Katherine what with the whole dating both brothers vibe. But then you'd switch to saying you missed her. The good news is, you didn't beg her to take you back or tell her she made the wrong decision which of course, she did".

"Thanks, Caroline".

"You know what you need to do? Just stay positive. Not positive but..."

Stefan could tell she was grappling but in typical Caroline fashion, she wasn't going to give up.

"Well, no more drunk dialing, k?"

"I'll try to remember that"

"Bye, Stefan. I miss you"

"Miss you too."

Stefan hung up, slumping backwards on the bed.

The sooner I get Lexi back, the better.