Chapter 3

Sam is driving around in a stolen car. He feels terrible about stealing it, but it's old anyway. It sounds like it hasn't even been taken good care of with the noise the engine is making. Unlike Dean, Sam still has some sense of morality when it comes to grand theft auto.

He knows he'll need to ditch the car soon, though. He just wants to get out of Oregon first. He doesn't know where to go. He considers calling Jody, but doesn't. Dean might get it in his head to call her as their living friends are very limited.

Sam debates whether he should keep hunting. He's not fond of continuing on alone, but he knows he can do it. Sam might not be as strong as Dean, but he is definitely a capable hunter.

He's just afraid that it will tip Dean off to his whereabouts. Although they always keep a low profile, there is a possibility of being recognized.

After some more thinking, he decides he's not going to look for hunts. If Sam happens to be in a city where there are strange occurrences, he'll take care of it. He won't go out of his way though.

Sam wants to stop and get some sleep, but pushes off his fatigue to put more distance between him and his brother. Just like he said in his letter, he knows Castiel will be searching for him. Even with the anti-angel sigils, Castiel will eventually be able to locate him. It's better to put as much distance between him and Oregon as he can.

As he's driving on a highway with very few cars, he lets his mind wander. He remembers the first time he looked at his brother in a way that wasn't brotherly.

Sam was fifteen and Dean nineteen. Dean was already sexually active, Sam knew. Living with Dean in such close quarters, Sam was far from naive. Sam might have never done anything himself, but that didn't mean he didn't know how it worked. Although for awhile, he thought Dean was strictly a ladies' man. When he found out the truth, it unlocked his less than normal feelings.

Sam had never seen any kind of homosexual act until one day when he was fifteen. He was supposed to be out all day at the library to work on a big project with his partner. When his partner canceled at the last minute, Sam had worked by himself for awhile, but decided to call it a day early. He wasn't going to do all of the work. After all, he wouldn't be at that school long enough to benefit.

Sam had walked into the small house they were staying at this time around. He went to the room that he shared with Dean and got an eyeful of Dean fucking some dude.

Sam had been too shocked to leave. He doesn't remember making any noise, but he must have with how fast Dean moved away from the man.

Sam does remember the man whining for Dean to continue, not caring that there was a very impressionable fifteen year old standing in the doorway. He also remembers noticing Dean's muscles. He remembers the red nipples and wanting to bite and lick them.

Sam was spurred into action and ran out of the house after shaking himself out of his fantasy of what Dean's lips might taste like.

Dean had found him pretty quickly and begged Sam to not tell Dad. Sam promised. Dean had asked if he was okay with it, and Sam realized that Dean wasn't aware of the fact that he liked guys as well as girls. He knew it was the right time to tell Dean the truth, but Sam didn't. Something still kept him from being honest. He did promise Dean that he was not homophobic, but would prefer to not catch his brother in the act again. Dean promised it wouldn't happen.

What Sam didn't tell Dean was that the image was burned into his brain for eternity. Except the other guy wasn't there. In place of the guy he never learned the name of, the guy he doubted Dean had known the name of, Dean was fucking Sam. Dean was marking Sam, making Sam feel so good.

It was the ultimate jerk off fantasy for Sam and it never went away. Sam hoped his unnatural desire would fade when he went to Stanford. Sam even felt optimistic when he met and fell in love with Jess. The optimism died in the fire along with Jess and his normal life. As soon as he was on the road with Dean again, the desire came back tenfold.

More than once, he thought Dean might know the truth. He would catch Dean looking at him oddly, but there were never any confrontations where Sam was called a disgusting freak. He figured it was all in his mind.

When Sam met Castiel, he found someone he could love. Of course, what would an angel of the Lord want with the 'boy with the demon blood?' Castiel would be tainted if they ever did anything. Even with the self-incrimination, Sam was glad. Although Castiel could never sully himself with Sam, it was a lot more okay to be lusting over and fall in love with someone so unattainable than it was to be lusting over and be in love with your older brother. Castiel was out of reach, but more okay.

Sam is brought out of his memories when he sees a car up ahead swerving. Sam sees that the car is heading towards him and jerks his wheel in the other direction.

Just as Sam thinks he's going to miss the car, the driver turns the wheel straight at him and barrels into the car he's driving. He bangs his head on the steering wheel as the car flips over. He's still conscious, but barely.

Suddenly the car stops and Sam thinks, it's over. I'm going to live. It's just then that he realizes he's upside down.

He manages to get the door open and slide out of the car. He crawls away, wanting to get as far away from the car as possible. He sees the other car flipped over and wonders if the driver is okay.

He tries to find his cell, but can't. Suddenly there's an explosion. The car that hit him is on fire. If the driver had survived before, he's dead now. As if the explosion triggered something, the car that Sam had been in explodes as well.

Sam wishes for Dean more than anything. He wants Dean to take charge. He looks to the road and hopes that someone saw and had called 911.

When he tries to stand up, he realizes he can't. He tries to move his left leg, but can't. Sam fights down the panic. It might just be a broken leg. Sam knows though that it's more than that. If his leg was simply broken, he'd be in excruciating pain.

There is nothing. There is no pain, no numbness. He can't even move his toes. Sam is scared. He doesn't know what to do.

"Hey!"

Sam quickly turns his head and sees a girl running towards him. He sees her car parked on the shoulder.

"Are you okay?"

Sam gives her a look. "No, something's wrong with my leg. I need a doctor."

The girl nods. "I called 911. Can I do anything for you?"

Sam almost asks for her cell. He wants to call Dean, but there is a reason why he left. Just because he's injured, it doesn't mean he wants to go back. Then again, Castiel can probably heal him. Still, he's not ready to face them. Sam shakes his head no.

Suddenly he sees a familiar demonic black smoke and he knows this wasn't just an accident. It isn't the first time a car he's driving was hit by a demon. He still remembers what happened last time.

Sam is already dragging himself away as the demonic smoke enters the girl. He knows if this demon attacks, he has no way of defending himself. He doesn't have the demon knife on him or even any holy water. He can't run and he's completely defenseless. Not a good combination.

He prays for a quick death at the very least. A blow comes from behind and his world goes dark.