Visitor
"It's good to see you up and moving around again Bella. Last time I saw you were catatonic," he says with a laugh.
I glare at him. He sure is making light of the situation. I'm happy my depressive state amuses you handsome stranger.
"Yeah well, losing my mind didn't seem like the best option at the time so I went with catatonic," I answer bitterly.
He eyes me warily. "I suppose."
"Look this witty banter is all amusing, and I enjoy conversing with a handsome stranger as much as the next person, but unless you tell me who you are in the next 2 minutes, I'm going to get my father's gun."
He grins slyly at me at my little statement and proceeds to look me over. "Well, we wouldn't want you to arm yourself... especially since I'm the one who brought you out of the forest."
"What are you talking about," I said confused.
I don't remember anything that happened in the forest after I blacked out, I only remember waking up in someone's immense arms, and then being placed by a fire. After that, I went on my 6 month hiatus from life. Could he really be the one who saved me from the lions, tigers, and bears of the woods?
"Who are you?"
"My name is Sam Uley... your rescuer," he smiles proudly.
I roll my eyes at his statement, "Well, I'd hardly call you my savior. All you did was pick me up and put me in front of a fire."
"A fire? There wasn't any..." suddenly he stops talking. "Well anyway, I was just coming by to see how you were. I've been told that you'd turned into a mute hermit and I wanted to check on you."
He narrows his eyes at me.
"Ya know, it's unhealthy to be so upset over someone, especially a Cullen," he spits with disgust.
The area where my heart use to lie thuds painfully. Just hearing that name hurts. Why did I wake up again? Oh yeah, to become a whole person again.
"I appreciate your concern for me, but I'm alright," I say with hopefully some conviction. The look on his face says otherwise.
"I'm sure you think that, but trust me, you look bad," he says flatly.
I wait for him to add more to his remark about my appearance, but he simply stares. I don't respond to it.
"Well," he asks impatiently.
"Well what," I snap.
"Are you going to ask for my help, or are you just going to stare at my handsome face? Oh yeah, I heard that remark."
Sam isn't going anywhere and I'm not due to fall into another session of brooding until, so I humor him.
"Alright I'll bite, how are you going to help me? Is this phase 2 in your plan to rescue me," I ask sweetly.
He laughs, though it sounds curiously like a bark. "I guess you could say that. One of the elders in my town needs some help around the house with cooking and cleaning and I've heard from Charlie how good of a cook you are. I figured you could use a change of scenery." He shrugs his shoulders as he leans forward on the couch, as if trying to make the statement nonchalant.
I stand, just to feel like I'm taller than him even if it is only for a few moments. "And what if I say no," I ask.
"Then I'll come by here every day and make sure that you are not moping around over some bl- I mean some boy," he says curtly.
"I don't have much of an option, do I," I ask as I run my fingers through my hair and scrunch my face.
"No, not really," he beams.
"Fine. When do I start?"
"Soon. He needs someone to come over and help him clean his shed and make dinner for him and his son."
"His son? You mean to tell me this guy has someone there already and he still needs help? What kind of jerk wouldn't help his own father?"
Sam just smiles wider. All this constant bickering is making me fume. My hands are twitching, begging me to do something. I clench my fists together so that I don't do something rash—like hit Sam in the face.
"His son has, prior engagements that he must attend to, so he can't help out like he wants," Sam answers simply.
What could a person possibly have to do that he can't put off to help his dad? What kind of selfish fuck does that? Oh right, I did that.
"I think its BS, but alright I'll go. I'm assuming I have to drive to La Push? We're not taking your mode of transportation are we? "
His face loses all color. He stares at me with a worried expression. "Wh- What do you mean?"
"I mean obviously you didn't drive here. What did you do, bribe someone to drop you off at my house?"
His shoulders slump and he looks relieved about something, but what? "Actually, I was in town, and close by so I decided to walk."
"Walk?! Town is almost 8 miles away from my house. You walked 8 miles!" I ask stunned
"I enjoy being one with nature. Now are we going to sit here or are we going? Billy shouldn't be kept waiting."
Sam grabs my hand and begins to pull me out the door. I stop, well, I try to stop. He's still barreling along to the front door.
"Wait," I say. "I have to leave Charlie a note."
He sighs, but nods his head. I quickly jot down that I'm going with some guy named Sam to La Push, and that I would call him later. We walk out to my beat up old truck and I quickly climb in, getting behind the wheel. I look up at him in the small cab. He takes up too much room. I squirm uncomfortably in my seat.
"Well aren't you going to tell me where it is?"
"You don't know how to get to La Push? Billy said he knew you hadn't been on the res for a while, but was sure you knew how to get there." He shakes his head and chuckles.
"Calm down. I was just kidding. I know the way," I say, cranking up the truck.
Sam sits back in the seat. Clearly annoyed, but I ignore him and continue on to the road. The name Billy sounds familiar. I wonder if it's the same Billy who use to own this truck.
"Hey Sam," I begin
He looks over at me strangely. "Yes?"
"Billy. This wouldn't be Billy Black would it? The guy who gave me this truck," I ask.
He grins. "The one and only. He can't get around like he use to since he's in a chair now and Jake..." he stops himself again.
What is it that has him so wound up? Jake- Jacob is he in trouble? Did something happen to him?
"Is Jacob alright? I mean he hasn't gotten into something he can't handle has he?"
I don't know why, but for some reason I care if he needs help.
"No, nothing like that, just teenagers being teenagers. You know how that goes," he says as he looks at me knowingly.
No, I wouldn't know how teenagers are. I've always been off kilter and nothing like my peers, but since I've decided to live again, I guess I can try to find out what it means to be a real teenager, too.
The ride to La Push was oddly quiet. Sam did not offer much conversation and I didn't supply much myself. Once in town Sam gave me directions to Billy's house. He told me Billy was expecting me and from now on I should come to La Push right after school – ugh I forgot about that. It's only January, still a semester of classes to get through. Junior year or not this is not a time I want to remember. We pulled up to a small house with an old car near the back of the house and a shed back towards the woods. Sam hopped out of the truck while I gingerly climbed from the cab. He walks toward the house and I follow. He knocks before walking right in. How rude; it defeats the purpose of knocking if you're just going to walk in right after the knock.
"Sam, good to see you," a voice says from somewhere inside the house.
"Billy," Sam answers back.
I guess Billy doesn't share my view on mannerisms. I shrug and follow inside the house. When I set foot inside the small living room I see that it's not overly messy, it just has a lived in look, but I can tell that for someone who cannot get up and move around how this can be a challenge for him. I inwardly curse at Jacob for leaving his dad like this. There's nothing that important to leave him on his own. Except maybe a nervous breakdown. The sound of rubber moving across a tiled floor takes me from my anger when I see the warm tanned face of Billy Black. His long black hair is pulled back and his dark eyes are taking me in. Most likely assessing the damage, as everyone has these past months. He stares briefly before he gives me a warm smile. I try my best to give him at least a lukewarm one, but it barely got above freezing.
"Bella! It's so good to see you here again. It's been too long," his voice booms from him and I laugh, I forgot how strong it is.
"Good to see you again too, Billy," I said
"I hope Sam wasn't too rash with my invitation to help out. I just need a little help here and there. I can't offer you much but I'm great company," he says.
"Oh no, Billy you don't have to pay me. I would love to help you." This is first sentence I've said that has some strength behind it. Since Jacob is off doing who knows what, I'll be here for him.
"Thank you Bella. I appreciate that," Billy smiles.
He turns to Sam, "Emily called. She said to be back at the house when you get a chance."
Sam smiles, and I can tell it's involuntary. "Well, I better be on my way... Bella you'll be okay, Billy will tell you what he needs. I'll see you two later." Sam quickly runs out the door, and I turn to Billy and smile.
"So what's first?"
Billy asks me to help clean up the living room and the kitchen. A simple enough task. I eventually tell him to let me clean by myself. I give him the task of supervisor to tell me where certain things go, or how he likes for things to look.
After a few hours, the living room and the kitchen is spotless. I ask Billy if he's hungry and he smiles. I know from living with Charlie that it's a resounding yes. I look through the refrigerator to see what my options are. Meat, juice, eggs, milk, and sodas. I look in the cabinets and find no canned vegetables. I do luck up and find a sack of potatoes and a bag of shucked corn. I can work with this. I wash my hands and begin to prepare my work area. I tell Billy he can wait in the living room and that I'll bring him something in a little while. I put on a pot of water for the corn to boil in and grab some ground beef to make a meatloaf. Nothing too fancy, I don't want to make Billy wait too long. I season the meat and add the eggs and the breadcrumbs. I look for a pan for the meat when I hear the door open and close with a bang. I hear Billy speaking to someone, but because I'm knee deep in pots and pans I can't make out what they're saying.
I find the pan I'm looking for, and a baking sheet for the potatoes to roast on when I feel someone is in the kitchen with me. I quickly stand and start to turn, when my foot slips from under me and I begin to lose balance. The person quickly comes to my side to steady me.
"Careful," the deep voice says.
"Sorry," I mumble as I move to the stove. I keep my back to him in fear of causing more damage to my body or to my ego.
"It's okay, no worries," he says.
I cut up the potatoes. I toss some oil and rosemary on them and put them on the baking sheet before I put them beside the meatloaf in the oven.
"I didn't mean to scare you, I heard you in here and I was curious."
"Curious of who's in the kitchen? Why would you be," I say with my works leaking sarcasm.
"Well you never know who'll come by and cook dinner and leave. Gotta make sure they make the right stuff," he laughs.
I look up and I'm met with warm brown eyes set in a deep tanned skin. There is long black that rests on his shoulders. I feel my hands twitch wanting to touch the luxurious mane. He smiles at me and I'm privileged to see a set of beautiful white teeth. I continue to stare at him more closely, with raised eyebrows. He smiles and lowers his head...
"Jacob!"
"Hey Bells," he says.
I drop everything and close the space between us, I hold my arms out and he hugs me.
"I didn't expect to see you," I say.
"What would make you say that? I do live here," he replies.
"I mean you're away a lot so I didn't think I would see you so soon," I explain
"Away? Why would I..."
Billy came into the kitchen and the sentence was cut short.
"Something smells good. What's cooking," he asks, ignoring the fact me and Jacob are still embracing.
Although Jacob doesn't let me go, he turns, still holding my waist. His touch is unfamiliar, but the warmth of his hand is welcoming. I hadn't realize I was so cold.
Cold like them
I stiffen and my heart begins to pound. I take deep breaths to calm down the beating in my chest but it's not working. Jacob runs his hand along my arm, trying to comfort me. I was doing well for the most of the day, not thinking about them. Keeping myself busy so I wouldn't have time to focus on this heartache. Billy looks at me with a worried expression and Jacob pulls me closer to him. He leans forward and whispers in my ear "Shh shh it's alright Bella. You're okay, everything's alright."
I try to believe him, but my mind just won't let up. All my nightmares come back at once. The emptiness, the loneliness, everything I knew that would happen did. All of those harsh realities scream at me. You're nothing! Why would he want you? He could never love you. I gasp trying to keep from going under. Jacob pulls me back into his arms but my arms are stuck by my sides. He begins to rock me slowly still reassuring me with his words of comfort. He rubs small circles into my back. My heart starts to beat normally, again. I sigh and put my arms around Jacob's waist, it's a safe haven.
"I'm okay," I whisper
Jacob pulls back to see my eyes. "Are you sure?"
I look up at him, I see his worry and concern for me. I give a small smile. "Yes" I say
He moves back, but before he lets me go I feel his face in my hair and a small pressure behind it... he kissed my hair. The small affection touched me and I look at him surprised. He tries to look away before I see his cheeks deepen with a red tint. Billy coughs. I look to him, forgetting he was in the small kitchen.
"Sorry Billy, I was supposed to bring you something."
I quickly turn and grab the salad I made before I went looking for the pots and pans. He shakes his head.
"It's alright. Just want to make sure you're okay," he says
Why couldn't I just keep it together? Was half a day without cracking up too much to ask? "Get a grip," I say in my head as I mentally shake myself.
"Really I'm okay. It's nothing," I say trying to shake off my mini panic attack.
Jacob moves to my side and I notice that my hands are slightly shaking. He takes my free one and puts his hand with mine. The shaking slows to small tremble.
He smiles at me. I look at him gratefully. "Dad that game should be back from halftime, want to see if your team is any better?" he said
Billy looks from his son to me and back again before he gives a small nod, and goes back to the living room. Jacob waits until his dad is out of earshot before he speaks.
"You feel okay," he asks in a quiet voice.
I nod, not trusting my voice right now. He looks at me intently before he squeezes my hand.
"I'll be in the other room if you need me."
I nod again, feeling like a small child. I quickly remember the bowl and I thrust it toward him.
"Here give this him for me," I strangle out. I close my eyes, my voice sounds rasp and breaking.
When I look at him he doesn't look at me strangely or with pity, just with kindness and concern. He nods at me and then I remember he's probably hungry as well. I make him a bowl of the salad hand him it to him. He chuckles and walks over to the bowl with the rest of the salad. He takes the smaller bowl and dumps the contents back in the larger one and grabs two forks and a bottle of dressing.
"Thanks," he said as he walks into the room to join his dad.
I stare back in shock; surely he can't eat all of that and still be hungry. Minutes later I hear the fork hitting the bottom of the bowl and I'm suddenly reminded that I'm dealing with a very large and very hungry teenage boy. I head back to the fridge and grab another package of ground meat and prepare a second meatloaf just to be on the safe side...
I checked on the first meatloaf and saw that it was ready, along with the potatoes. I took the food out and found some plates. Soon I heard shuffling and then Billy and Jacob appeared in the doorway.
"Food's done," Jacob asked, with pleading eyes
I laughed a strangled laugh, and nodded. Jacob made quick work of the setting his father at the table before he came to my side and ushered me into a seat. I looked at him strangely, wondering what he was doing.
"You made the food. It won't be right to have you serve it as well. Plus you've been working all afternoon. You deserve a break," he says as he smiles at me.
I was about to tell him that I don't eat meat when he spooned some potatoes onto my plate, and put a glass of tea in front of me. "I didn't forget that you're a bunny," he said winking at me. Billy laughed as he began to eat.
The conversation was light and full of laughter; surprisingly some of that laughter came from me. Billy continued to tell me stories of Jacob and his sisters when they were younger. Jacob grimaced in all the right places, but I could tell that he didn't mind the ribbing. Charlie called while I was cleaning up the table and Billy told him to come by and they would go find some dessert since I cooked dinner. Charlie got there quick, which made me think at first that he was closer to here than to our house, but then I remembered all the privileges that come with driving a squad car.
After some light conversation he and Billy left and it was just me and Jacob. He helped me do the dishes, I washed and he dried. While acting out his toweling duties, he started talking about Billy.
"I love that man to death, but he gossips like an old woman," he said.
"He's just providing entertainment, beside it's nice to hear about your sisters. You don't get to see them, often do you?"
Jacob looked away. "No, with one away at school and another raising a family, it's hard to see each other."
I nodded my head understanding, being an only child I don't know the fondness of having a sibling, but I've always wanted one, someone to spend time with, and someone to grow up with and share secrets. I looked at Jacob then and thought he was somewhat like a brother to me. He noticed me staring and smiled. Okay maybe not MY brother, but somebody else's, someone with no relation to me at all . . .
"Earth to Bella? Anyone home in there," he said, tapping the side of my head.
I shook out of my daze and went back to washing. I don't know what's wrong with me. I've been around Jacob before, why am I staring at him? Because he didn't look like this a year ago. My subconscious told me. Thank you, thank you very much.
"So, are you okay with this," he asks suddenly
"Okay with what?"
"Okay with coming here and helping my dad around the house. I don't know what Sam told you to get you here, but I'm glad that he did," he said honestly
That was when I remembered why I agreed so easily, anger started to rise again from earlier. I scowled at him and practically threw the wet dish at his head. He caught it with enough grace to put a ballerina to shame.
"Yes I am okay with it. Unlike some people I can help others out."
"Uh, okay?"
"Okay? That's all you have to say?"
He looks at me oddly and moves on "Yeah I guess so. Anyway I'm glad you're going to be here through the week. It will give us a chance to catch up. I've missed you Bells."
He looked at me from the corner of his eye and all the fire in me died when I saw his face. Although he was trying to hide it I could see the sadness and anger in him. He was upset with me for not coming to La Push like I promised when I first moved here. Charlie once told me that he hoped to see me and Jacob spend more time together. I didn't think much of it until now.
"I'm sorry Jacob, I got caught up in... other things. But I'm here now, and we can do stuff." I winced. What was I talking about? I'm just two side steps from a straitjacket. I'm in no place to be socializing with the general public. I need a few more days out in the woods before mingling with the common folk.
He must have seen my cringe because his next words followed "We don't have to do anything crazy. We could just hang out here for a while. I'm not into the whole 'high school' scene."
I breathe a sigh of relief. I'm glad someone else understands.
"I'd like that. Thank you"
"No problem. I just want you to know that you're safe here and can always come here if you need a place to go, or someone to talk to," he says as he turns to me and stares me in the face.
"I remember how you looked when Sam brought you out of the woods that night. I was so scared for you, you looked..." he closed his eyes. "Remember, I'm here for you Bella."
He returned to his drying duties.
We didn't speak anymore until Charlie came in with two bakery boxes and a case of beer.
"I hope you saved room for dessert," he says.
"Always," Jacob laughs.
I look at the three men in front of me and wonder how I'm going to get through the days with them. Jacob brings me a small plate and we all have dessert. Though my heart is still heavy, the pain is starting to dull.