I wrote this while listening to Icona's "I Love It!" I hope you do too .
Now the word "fun" had a different definition for Princess Azula than it did for just about everyone on the planet. Kuei was pretty sure of this before he witnessed any of the insanity that transpired that night, and yet, he couldn't bring himself to say 'no' to any of it. Azula had awakened more than feelings of love in him, she had awakened curiosity. He wanted to know what made this strange woman tick, what filled her with seemingly endless boldness, why she was so different from every other woman he had ever met.
The King had always been a perfect gentleman, an upstanding individual. He made bad decisions, sure, but he never engaged in anything untoward, mischievous, or even forceful. Azula clearly had, and he was desperate to know what inspired her to behave this way, what gave her the courage to do so. He was sure that not all of it was evil. It couldn't be, even if she didn't' want to admit it to herself.
So when, she (much to his disappointment,) crawled off of his lap, threw open the doors to her closet and began to chuck every single bit of its contents out the window of her stateroom, he was horrified and intrigued all at the same time. He watched as pictures, clothing, old toys, and weapons sailed out the window with wild abandon.
"My therapist said something about a 'moral purging' the other day," Azula related casually in the midst of her fit, "and I didn't really understand what she meant until I woke up just now!" Another armful of stuff followed by the sound of crashing and the disgruntled quacking of turtleducks careened onto the courtyard.
Dominatia bellowed up to the window in query.
"Dominatia, we're having a bonfire!" Azula exclaimed to her bison as she hung her head out the window. "Just not right away, I have to find….Ahhh here it is!" The princess exclaimed as she unfurled a scroll.
It was a rather large picture of a little baby balancing on a table, his diaper halfway down his bottom. "Zuzu was so cute when he was little!" Azula declared with an odd sort of nostalgia in her voice.
Kuei chuckled, his laughter bursting equally from his nose and mouth. "That's…Firelord Zuko?"
"Why yes, when he was little. This is all I wanted. I'm going to burn the rest." She casually rolled up the scroll and then tucked it under her arm as she trekked over to the window to shout further instructions down at her bison.
"Burn all of your things?" Kuei asked, somewhat flustered. "Dearest, are you sure you want to do this?
Azula turned back to Kuei, her eyes large, her mouth partway open. "Did you…Did you just call me a pet name?"
Kuei nervously tugged at his collar and nodded.
To his surprise Azula smiled. "Well Sweetie if you want to be as barftastic as the Avatar and his girlfriend, then by all means go ahead. You'll forgive me, Your Majesty, if I just stick, with…well Your Majesty." She shoved the scroll at him. "Hold this."
"What are we going to do with it?"
"You'll see."
Forgetting that he was an accessory to an escaped psychiatric patient, Kuei helped Azula fake her sleeping form in her bed using old blankets and several strategically placed pillows. Then, the two of them snuck from the window's ledge onto Dominatia's fluffy head. The bison lowered them to the ground and then hunched expectantly, her tongue lolling out as she panted with excitement. Dominatia always knew when Azula was up to something fun. She bellowed a question at her lord.
"Well of course we'll get to that Dominatia, just not right away. We're going to fix the royal hall first. Then it's the sake."
Dominatia sniffed impatiently but was willing to assist so long as she had the promise of a treat later.
The palace was dark and still but strangely peaceful at this time of night. The only people up were the soldiers guarding the outer walls. Everyone within was off in dreamland. There were a few lamps glinting off the rich mahogany walls, but mostly moonlight guided the way for the two miscreants into the royal or 'historical hall' as some liked to call it.
Dominatia squeezed through one of the courtyard archways and into the hall where the portraits of Firelords hung, silent historical markers of a proud nation.
Kuei couldn't help but appreciate the artistic style of the Fire Nation painters, which was somewhat esoteric with the exception of the current Firelord's painting. Zuko had opted for a more natural, true to life style, a frontal portrait that captured every dip and flaw of his face, including his infamous scar.
Azula was looking at a different portrait, one three Firelords before Zuko, with flaming subjects at his feet. Her eyes were large and distant, her fists were at her side, and her lip was trembling despite her defiant posture.
"Are you all right?"
She startled. "Fine," she lied, and to distract Kuei she honed in on her brother's portrait. "Now I told Zuzu to make sure they got his good side, and what does he do? A full frontal portrait with that hideous scar and all!" Azula clicked her tongue disapprovingly as she grabbed the scroll from Kuei. "I'll just have to fix that. Dominatia hoist me up!"
And soon a smiling infant Firelord hung in place of the stately portrait, baby chub butt and all.
Kuei was laughing out loud. "You are delightfully evil!"
"I see nothing evil about this. I'm doing him a favor." Azula said in all seriousness, then dismounted Dominatia and cocked her head at her handiwork. "See, now I much prefer baby Zuzu to barbequed Zuzu. Don't you?"
Kuei had to admit that he did. Dominatia also mewled her approval.
Their next stop was a large wine cellar adjacent to the kitchen where Zuko kept his best sake and spirits. Dominatia couldn't fit, but put her eye to the door, its brown depths wildly focused on the prize Azula was raiding.
"I see you out there Dominatia, and you're not going to make Kuei and I work any faster! If anything you're slowing us down!" Azula growled as she handed another case of wine to the King. He was surprised how light it felt in his arms. Why hadn't he hit the gym sooner?
Dominatia rolled her one visible eye then hunkered down outside the doorway while her lips fit together in an impatient bison scowl.
"Is she always this eager around alcohol?" Kuei asked in all seriousness.
Azula rolled her eyes. "She drinks because she has issues," Azula whispered, putting another case of wine at the foot of the stairs for them to carry up in a moment.
The King chuckled. "What kind of issues could a bison possibly have?"
"She won't mate, for one thing. She's scared of being in a relationship for another. That's why I went after the book. It's supposed to have all of this information on how to deal with bison…" Azula's eyes widened with sudden realization and Kuei reached out to catch a large jug of sake that was slipping from her hands. She looked at the King imploringly. "I lost it didn't it?"
Realization dawned on the Kuei. "No, I was looking at it earlier. I left the book under my chair at your bedside. Do you want to go back to your room and look at it?"
Azula let out a breath. "No." Her eyes narrowed. "There will be time for that later."
The King smiled as she hoisted a case of wine up on her hip and traipsed casually up the stairs. He couldn't help but notice the curve of her legs as she strode. He knew he had a stupid grin on his face as he watched her; he didn't care.
When they emerged they noted Dominatia was on her side and had turned over the handsome dinner table in the adjacent dining room. Three of the legs were gone, and the beast was 2/3rds of the way through the fourth, chewing it off.
"Dominatia!" Azula scolded.
The bison looked at her wide eyed and dropped the table down. Then she sat up on her haunches, sheepishly hung her head and flipped the table on its right side with her robust tail. It now sat about 12 inches off the ground instead of 40. The thick table legs lay next to her haphazardly, marred by bison tooth marks. Her large eyes darted to the ground as her ears fell back against her giant head.
Kuei cocked his head at his love's therapy animal. "Is she all right?"
Azula pursed her lips. "I'm not sure," she said in all honesty. While Dominatia did like a good chew, it wasn't in her nature to destroy furniture without Azula's encouragement. Then again, she did like to torment Zuzu, almost as much as she did. The matter warranted watching, and she tossed Dominatia a pretty blue flask with flowers.
The bison eagerly guzzled its contents down.
"I'm beginning to think you have a real problem, Dominatia. How are you going to have any babies if you're a raging alcoholic?" Azula chided. "They'll all come out with Bison Alcohol Syndrome!"
Dominatia stuck out her tongue at Azula, then resumed ingesting her favorite vice.
Kuei snickered. "Bison Alcohol Syndrome? Is that a real thing?"
"You know I'm not sure," Azula said, setting her hand to her chin as she studied Dominatia.
A moment later they loaded the drinks for their bonfire up on her saddle. "Dominatia be a dear and wait outside, would you? There's just one more thing I need to get; we'll be out shortly." She grabbed Kuei's hand as the bison lumbered outside, hiccupping a little.
"Where are we off to?"
"The Armory."
Azula's favorite room was only a few halls away, but nowhere that Dominatia could have fit. The Bison Lord made quick work of the locks with her bending and threw open the large double doors. Then she lit a trough lining the wall. The fire spread in a U around the mirrored room, and a great collection of armor suits, shields, spears, bows, arrows, maces, and swords were soon glinting in the blue flame. Up armored tanks and retired war balloons were also parked behind the suits.
On the very back wall was a great collection of crown jewels of the Fireladies and ornaments worn by the past twenty Firelords along with a few pieces of their surviving royal dress.
Kuei let out a low whistle that echoed in the darkness. "Wow, this is…"
"I know," Azula turned to him, her eyes glistening a little. She put a tentative hand on Kuei's chest and the King fought to suppress a shiver. "It's perfect isn't it?"
"Perfect for?" he breathed, hoping he was not too obvious.
Azula licked her lips. "This room is perfect for one thing and one thing only…playing hide and explode!"
"Hide and explode?"Kuei was a little disappointed but not surprised.
"Oh that's right!" Azula misinterpreted the fall in his voice. "My apologies! I don't imagine they play that in the Earth Kingdom. Well here," she handed him a few matches along with a couple of packets. "Now here's what you do…"
Hide and explode, despite being a childish game, actually turned out to be a lot of fun for Kuei. The object was to hide, and then distract your seeker by lighting little packets of gunpowder away from your stealthy retreat. Thus, the explode part. The armory, with its vehicles and weapons and museum-like layout provided a perfect environment for the King and his wayward lover to chase each other. Azula searched first, and Kuei, being relatively new at this game, was easily found.
When it was Azula's turn to hide Kuei found her behind the historical display, wearing her grandfather Azulon's robe. He tried to pull her into a gentle kiss, but she whirled before he could get a good handle on her and donned Azulon's head piece.
"Look, I'm FIRELORD Azula!" The Bison Lord declared as she stepped up before the mirrors.
Kuei procured a bow and then clapped as she made several exaggerated turns. Unable to keep up the charade, she dissolved into a laughing fit on her fifth turn, and then haphazardly tossed the robe to the floor; the crown was halfway off her head when Kuei grabbed it from her. Still laughing, she leaned into him. "You know it's funny. I once wanted to be Firelord more than anything, and now…well now…"
She whirled out of his arms and then viciously roundhouse kicked the stand displaying Sozin's items. It fell against the one before it, and like dominoes the displays all surrendered, one after another until not a single tribute to Firelords past was left upright.
Azula's laughter abruptly ceased, and for a moment one could have heard a pin drop in the hall.
Sensing something was off, Kuei looked down at his girlfriend. He noticed her eyes, which had been full of mirth only a second ago were now cold and fixed on Sozin's headpiece.
He was about to say something when the Bison Lord walked towards it and landed her foot forcefully on the object, as though trying to crush it. A second later she was gliding over to something in the corner, and she emerged with an armful of small rockets.
The coldness was gone from her eyes, and she was smiling gently at Kuei again. "These fireworks were supposed to be for my coronation as Firelord, but I banished my munitions experts before they could launch them." She shrugged, as though what she had said was the most casual thing in the world. Then she turned to the door and walked out of the armory with the rockets still in her hands.
Kuei followed her.
# # # # #
The bonfire of Azula's memories lit pretty easily. The flames burned blue at first then gradually dissolved into red as her things were consumed.
There were always small fires burning in the courtyard of the palace, so one more wouldn't be noticed. Besides, there really wasn't all that much stuff. For having been the culmination of Azula's childhood, a princess' childhood no less, Kuei noticed that the pile was relatively small. Strangely, it was mostly weapons. A few toys, but they were almost like the toys one would give a boy, tin soldiers, small drums, and they melted in the crackling flames.
Azula watched it all with a pensive and peaceful look on her face, as though what she was doing was the most healing thing in the world. Kuei guessed that it probably was.
He poured them both a glass of wine and she accepted with a smile. Dominatia finished off the rest. They sipped in a long but comfortable silence until Azula asked him: "Why aren't you afraid of me?" She was staring into the fire when she asked him this, and her voice was small, wavering, as though she herself was afraid of the answer.
Kuei cleared his throat, and looked at the bonfire for several moments, considering her question. At long last he admitted: "I don't know. Even when you held me captive back in Ba Sing Se, I wasn't afraid of you."
Azula was floored. "You're kidding, right?" she deadpanned.
"No, I'm not kidding. You didn't scare me. You actually fascinated me. You had that flame to my neck, and I kept thinking 'now how is she doing that? That's remarkable.' I'd never seen a firebender before ,much less one that could wield blue flame. I knew you wouldn't' kill me. I'm the King, I'm too valuable." Kuei relaxed and crossed his arms under his head as he laid back against the earth.
Azula shifted a little, not sure how to take the flattery.
The King grinned inwardly. He had her where he wanted her. "I'm not afraid of you, Azula. I never was and I never will be.'"
"You don't think I'm a monster?" she asked with a squeak.
Kuei looked at her, adjusting his glasses. He had her out of her comfort zone, but that was where most healing took place, at least, according to Dr. Ping. He pushed her further out of it: "No. I think you're a very naughty young woman in need of a hug and several spankings." Kuei paused. "Unfortunately for me, we'll have to wait on the spankings."
What they didn't have to wait on was the launch of Azula's coronation rockets. Once the bonfire had burned out and the spirits were consumed Azula suggested they get right to it, right next to Zuzu's window of course.
"Won't he wake up?" Kuei asked.
"Probably, but you can run, can't you?" Azula asked, setting the rockets on their stands.
Kuei grinned broadly with affirmation , and she returned his expression. He knew right then and there that they were connecting on a deep and spiritual level, a level where mischief and unparalleled fun also played.
The rockets went off without a hitch and Azula and Kuei ran across the rooftops to Azula's old room.
"Dominatia, hide and go to sleep!" Azula hissed as the two of them dove into the window, and the bison flew off obediently.
Across the courtyard, Kuei just caught sight of her very disgruntled brother screaming out the window, his voice unintelligible next to the squeal of the rockets. "He's up," Kuei noted nonchalantly, "and he doesn't look happy."
"Zuzu's never happy!" Azula giggled into his robes and the King just held her. He knew she loved the affection, and he rather liked it himself. He propped her chin up in order to steal a kiss, but the tears streaming her face stopped him. "Are you all right?" Kuei asked. "You look like you're in pain."
Azula's eyes were wavering slightly. "I think the narcotics are wearing off," she choked out.
The King scooped her into his arms and made his way to her bed. "Now, dearest you're going to have to listen to me from now on when I tell you you're overdoing it."
She didn't chastise him for the pet name this time. She drew her arms around his neck and buried her face in his robes, sobbing just a little. Some of the tears were from the pain; most of them were in disbelief that someone would actually care this much about it.
Kuei tucked his lover into the blankets and Azula looked at him with large eyes as he tried to make her comfortable. Then he slipped something under her arm.
"See it's right here," he told her as the Air Nomad volume was tucked under her arm. "There's a note in there also for you later I wrote. I'll tell the nurses on the way out that you need another dose."
"You're leaving?"
Kuei straightened. "I'll be back in the morning."
"It is morning," Azula yawned.
"All the more reason for me to leave."