Disclaimer: nothing mine but the angst. The cast is shared between Conan Doyle and the BBC fanfictioners (errr...screenwriters, but really that's what they are: they're writing AU/AT of Conan Doyle's works). Now officially AU but the Johnlock romance isn't canon anyway
Angelo's delivery boy grins, promising John that his date will find the meal to be a 'veritable love poem'. The misconception makes him awash with nostalgia.
"You didn't protest," Sherlock drawls when it's safe, inordinately pleased with the fact.
"It was easier than to explain that my best friend was just resurrected," he replies.
John wonders why is he doing this to himself. Not lying – omitting. Now he has a golden opportunity to finally say it.
Right, because Sherlock has already shot him down like lightning once. If he's rejected over Italian food again, John will be put off pasta for good, and that would be a pity. Of course, John has realized that he's in love with his best friend. He doesn't lie to himself anymore. Denial became impossible at the same time that it became pointless, or so John had thought. Only now he has a second chance. Or does he?
John has not changed since Sherlock rejected him. (Hell! If anything he is older and more damaged.) If his friend wasn't interested before why should he be now? So what if maybe the detective seemed more emotive earlier – more easily rattled. John still knows better than to presume a full 180° turn about in feelings.
It's the first time that Sherlock was "friendzoned", and he doesn't like it one bit. It is good, certainly, that John still considers them friends (best friends, even). Sherlock didn't delude himself into thinking that was a given. And if he had mistaken their relationship for granted, John's initial,violent reaction would have disabused him of that misconception. Going back to friends is really all he had allowed himself to hope – he's realistic. The lack of John's customary "I'm not-his-date reaction" gave him hope. A sneaky, vicious hope reared its head. And now, being put back in his place hurt.
So Sherlock just nods. It's easier, he too didn't really want to let Angelo know that he's back right now. He takes the plates. He's eating with John after a successful case and it has to be enough. (Even if it isn't.) He might as well get used, well, re-used, to this. Oh ow he hates Moriarty right now for forcing his eyes to open to his own atrophied (or so he'd believed) heart's true feelings.
They're eating, but much more subdued than the usual post-case dinner. They're not high on adrenaline. (The rush dissipated much more quickly than usual). They're both lost in their own heartaches and half reeling in the sheer disbelief that the sentence of eternal separation has been remitted. They can escape their living hells. They're still not in heaven, will have to face a quite painful purgatory, maybe, but the previous fractured existence they called life has ended. It's not another dream.
John's mobile rings – a ridiculous sappy tune – and Sherlock forces himself not to curl his lip. If she survived long enough to deserve a special ringtone, she must be more than just a number in the endless list of so-called 'girlfriends'. She must somehow be important. Then again, without Sherlock to break them apart, John's love life might have more naturally flourished.
"No Mary, I didn't get hurt...I forgot our date...Yes, I know that I'm not helping my cause. But he's back...You know who, Mary. Him...No, I've not relapsed. Don't cry. You won't need to have me sectioned. I promise."
Sherlock has no idea how to feel. That not even the delivery boy's words failed to reminded John of this Mary, is flattering, of course. That he's still 'he' for John, no specification needed, makes his heart soar. But the way John tries to appease his girlfriend is just as annoying as in the past. Perhaps more because now he knows why he used to find it so blasted irritating.
When he hears the threat of sectioning, he snatches the phone out of his friend's hands. "One would think that trusting one's partner would be a requirement for a romantic relationship. Of course John is being honest, though I have no idea why. It's Sherlock Holmes speaking, in case you haven't figured it out yet." He hangs up.
"Sherlock!"John's voice isn't furious. Not even entirely angry. It sounds like he's almost comforted by Sherlock once again causing a row with his partner. But surely the detective is reading him wrong, hearing what he wants to hear, because the next thing to come out of the doctor's mouth is, "I meant to ask her to marry me."
It's a low blow, and devastatingly hurtful, but Sherlock manages to school his features into perfect indifference, hiding the anguish. At least he dearly hopes so.
"If she's worth it she'll forgive you. Today was all my fault anyway," he assures John a few moments later, when he trusts himself to talk and not wail.
He wants to do what he does best, break them up and ruin John's love life, but he can't, can he? He already needs all the forgiveness the doctor can possibly spare. He can't make his friend angrier. John can always take back his 'friends still' choice. Sherlock left, and John moved on. It's good for him. It's healthy. Healthy has never been Sherlock's area, and he can't make himself be happy for it.
He wants to ask John when he intends to formally get engaged and if they plan to live together after that. How long does he have? He's just back. He can't give John up again so soon. It's not fair. He doesn't ask. Living like Damocles is bad enough. Living with this countdown to a Johnless state inside his head would be too much.
"Not fault. It's the best thing that happened to me in years, Sherlock. One of the few things you must never dare to apologize for," John quips.
He has no idea why he's told Sherlock of his aspiration. He hopes that Sherlock will notice the past tense – well, Sherlock notices everything. Was he falling into old behavioural schemes and using Mary – who certainly didn't deserve it – like every girl before her to keep Sherlock blinded to his real feelings? The doctor still wonders how he managed to do that – and blind himself on top of it – when each and every one of his girlfriends figured it out sooner or later. Jeannette said it best, but then again, she was a teacher.
And now he has to break up with Mary. He thought she could give him a normal life, but he's gotten Life – real life – back. She would never tolerate always being second. Rightly so. That will be awkward to explain after his earlier declaration. He refuses to lie and push the blame on her.
Sherlock smiles blindingly at his words. John might not have realized it, but he's just ranked his return over meeting this Mary. Maybe he doesn't mean it, but Sherlock still can't keep the happiness down.
John smiles back reflexively. God, he's missed this.
P.S. I apologize for mistreating Mary now and in the future to everyone who's fallen in love with her after season 3, but I promised Johnlock and intend to deliver.