Heh... heh. Hi guys... So it's been a while.
I know, and I'm sorry! Life is just insane, as I'm sure you all know. (Unless you're twelve or younger, than you're probably just clueless.) I won't bother you with my plenteous and lame excuses, just read and enjoy! To make it up to you, a little bit, though, this chapter is around twice as long as my previously longest chapter!
Please review! Reviews really do help me update faster. Sometimes I just need a nudge! Thank-you for reading and again, my apologies! Also, since I wrote this on my Ipod it is in the weirdest format, so please forgive the awkward paragraphing.)
Chapter 10
Lily awoke to the sunshine caressing her face lightly through her window. Smiling to herself, she rolled out of bed, yawning and stretching out her legs. Her ankles and knees cracked loudly as she stood. She glanced at the large package by her bedside. She looked away. Then she looked at the package again. What? She certainly didn't remember it being there when she went to bed. It was a lumpy sort of package, wrapped with white gift paper, and there was a small piece of parchment attached to the green ribbon around it.
She picked it up and read the note quietly to herself.
"Lily," it read in James's recognizably fine, loopy print. "You brighten my day every time I see you. I simply wish to brighten
yours. With love, James." She unwrapped the package eagerly, her heart thumping erratically. What could James have gotten her? She tore away the wrappings to reveal a box of great, fat, Chocoballs with strawberry mousse and clotted cream; a long, thin box full of her favorite sugar quills topped with a single daisy. There was also a box of lemon tea bags and a large piece of what appeared to be blank parchment. She picked up the parchment and gasped in surprise. As soon as her skin made contact with the parchment, thin ink
lines began to spread like a convoluted spider web from the point of contact. Colors blossomed across the center of the page, then with increasing speed they started forming a shape, as though an invisible artist was sketching on the parchment over her shoulder. She watched as the lines of ink slowly transformed into a girl that was unmistakably her. It was beautiful; the colors and shading were
precise and incredibly realistic. She was curled up on an armchair by the fire in the drawing, reading a book. She realized that James had duplicated her perfectly, down to the holes in her ratty old sweats she wore at the time. She must've been so absorbed in her
book that she didn't even realize James had been sketching her. A ridiculously large grin spread over her face as his signature scratched itself out on the bottom right corner of the paper.
He had drawn this, for her. She knew she would keep it forever as she hopped up from her bed and started dancing around her dorm. She couldn't help it! She was just so happy! She jumped up and down a couple of times, mentally screaming and doing her best not to laugh out loud. She twirled around the room for a minute and then collapsed back onto her bed, gazing at her picture lovingly. She hugged it to her chest gently, and hung it up on the wall next to her bed. She admired it for a while,
thinking of the effort James must have put into not only drawing it for her,
but for doing those special little charms on it too... He'd even gone
through the trouble of submerging it in photo potion so that it moved! She covered her mouth with her hands to keep from squealing. I have to find James and thank him, she thought. But maybe I should brush my teeth first.
Lily flew down the hall twenty minutes later, skidding to a stop in front of James's door. She was freshly showered, clothed,
and teeth thoroughly brushed, heart beating inexplicably fast. She raised a hand to James's door and knocked gently. The door opened. James stood there, looking, as usual, glorious in jeans and olive colored t-shirt. His pitch hair was ruffled even more than usual, still damp from the shower and his eyes were a sparkling emerald color, reflecting the tone he was wearing today. She beamed and threw her arms around his neck. He froze, startled, for a second before twining his arms around her waist and pulling her to his chest. Her heart thudded against his loudly. It was the first time she'd ever truly been with James like this. It felt so right; it was as if this space in his arms existed simply for the purpose of her holding her. She just wished she never had to let go.
"And to what do I owe this
pleasure?" James asked huskily, his breath tickling her ear.
"Your present." she breathed in reply, trying to inhale as much of his scent as possible. His fresh pine-scented body wash and aftershave were still fresh on his clear, clean skin. Being so close to him was intoxicating. Let go, Lily, don't be a fool! her brain screamed at her.
"Did you like it?" he smiled as she reluctantly pulled away from him. For a second she stiffened, thinking he was referring to thier embrace, but a moment too late she realized he meant his gift.
"Y-yes." she stuttered. The picture is beautiful. You're an incredible artist."
"Thanks." He said modestly, smiling down at her. She realized she was still only a few inches from him. She could still smell him. It was very distracting.
"Chocoballs, sugar quills, the tea, the daisy?" she asked, attempting to control her mind's wild thoughts. "Where did you get all that stuff?"
He looked at his watch.
"It's only 6:30, so I think I have time to show you..." he said thoughtfully.
"What?" Lily asked.
"We'll just have to make it a short trip." James nodded to himself. "And I'd suggest a cloak." She cocked her head at him inquisitively,
but he merely shooed her off to her room. She flew back into her room, grabbed a cloak and a hat for good measure, and flew back out to James, who was leaning against the wall outside her doorway, looking like a male model. It pained her to admit that she'd jump into the Black Lake if it meant being with James.
"You're a bit high strung today, aren't you?" James smiled down at her.
"Just a tidbit full of energy." she rocked back and forth on her heels. "Where are we going?"
"You'll see." He said, rolling his eyes at her impatience. "Come on." He led her down the spiraling staircase and through their painting, then headed downwards, James muttering to himself. "One eyed witch or mirror? The witch leads right
into Honeydukes, which surely isn't open at this ungodly hour... but fourth floor mirror... could risk getting caught, but it's shorter, so in actuality, it might be safer..."
"Are you talking to yourself?" Lily asked quizzically.
"Yes." he replied, unashamed. "Talking to yourself is a valid way to problem solve."
"Or a valid way to convince me that you're mad." she replied. He chuckled.
"Best of both worlds, then."
"Where are we going?"
"My out-loud problem solving has determined that we are going to the fourth floor." he declared. They jogged down a set of stairs, only to hear Peeves down the hall, singing a rude rendition of the school song.
"HOGWARTS, HOGWARTS, DIRTY, SMELLY HOGWARTS-"
James grabbed her hand and dragged her into the nearest broom closet. He looked down at her apologetically once the
door was shut behind them. "Sorry about this." he said in a whisper, indicating the minimal space between them. "Running into Peeves
could deter our mission." She could still hear Peeves singing as he passed their hiding place. She and James were almost chest to chest in the tight space. The top of her head barely reached James's chin, so she looked up at him.
"It's okay." she whispered back. "I don't mind." She mentally slapped herself as a smirk spread
across James's face. "I didn't - oh, you know what I meant." He chuckled softly.
"I think we're safe to leave now." he said, peeking out the broom closet door. "Unless..." he raised his eyebrows suggestively, "you'd rather stay here..." She huffed, and strode out of the broom cupboard, her dignity somewhat impaired by getting her foot caught on the handle of a wooden bucket. "Oops, sorry." James covered his mouth, obviously trying not to laugh. "I forgot, no flirting."
"Strike one, you get a warning." she said. He grinned at her pathetic attempt to look stern.
"Come on, then." They strode down the corridor, took a left, a right, and went down another hallway. James came to a halt in front of a large, ornate mirror hanging on the wall, looking slightly out of place among all the paintings.
"Hullo Mr. Potter." a pallid, weary looking wizard with wispy white hair greeted him from a neighboring painting.
"Hey, Edrick." James greeted the man nonchalantly.
"This is the first time you've taken a girl out of the castle..." The wizard looked at Lily dolefully with his dull gray eyes.
"We're going out of the castle?" She asked incredulously.
"Ah, so you're kidnapping her." the old wizard said wisely.
"I'm not kidnapping her." James rolled his eyes and ran his fingers along the right edge of the mirror.
"Then why doesn't she know where you're going?" the wizard asked faintly, not really sounding interested. A faint click sounded
from the side of the mirror.
"See you later, Edrick." James said as the mirror swung open to reveal a passage. James's head turned right and left, searching for awry students, grabbed Lily's hand and pulled her through carefully, then closed the mirror behind them. The passage was dimly lit by flickering torches, glinting off the glossy stones that tiled the walls of the passage. It was tall enough so that James could stand up straight, but she knew if he raised a hand he could touch the top of it easily. They looked at each other through the dim firelight.
"This is cool." she said breathily, acutely aware that James's hand was still enveloping hers. He smiled crookedly at her.
"Shall we go on, then?" he asked, eyeing her with an almost wary expression. It may have been nothing, but it seemed to her that there was a slight double meaning in his words.
"We shall." She couldn't help but smile wryly back at him. They set off down the passage at a leisurely pace in silence, but she was sure their thoughts were on the same wavelength. She was holding hands with James Potter. And enjoying it. And praying that he wouldn't let go. She should do something, to make sure he knew she didn't want him to let go of her.
But did she want him to know that?
He liked her, right?
Or was he just a flirt?
Did he just like a challenge, and once she fell for him he would leave her broken-hearted in the dust?
James's words echoed around in her head as she surveyed every contour of his beautiful face.
"If you're not ready for a break-up, you're not ready for a relationship. But when you find the one you'd die for in a heart-beat, jump in with everything you have."
Would she die for James?
Sure, they had become friends… but would she die for him? She tried to imagine if Voldemort emerged from the shadows and pointed his wand at James right now. Would she jump in front of him and take the Avada Kedavra?
I would, she thought, as she looked at James out the corner of her eye. I couldn't let such an innocent, kind, gentle, person die. She gave an involuntary shudder at the thought of James lying spread-eagle on the ground, lifeless. I couldn't.
She laced her fingers through his so that they were more securely attached. He flashed her a wide grin, and squeezed her hand gently.
"Are we going to be back in time for classes?" she asked, squeezing his in return.
"We might have to jog back." he shrugged. "But we'll make it." There was a long moment's silence.
"James?"
"Mhm?"
"Can you tell me about yourself?" she blurted out the words without really thinking. He looked at her thoughtfully.
"Why?"
"Because a perfectly acceptable way to get to know someone is to ask that question." she said, hoping he
couldn't see her blush in the dim lighting.
"Hmm." he said, thinking. "What kinds of things do you want to know?" Anything, everything. I just want to listen to your voice.
"What was the scariest moment of your life?" she asked, raising an eyebrow at him questioningly.
"Oh, Merlin." James raked his free hand through his hair. "Hmm... there's been a lot of things over the
years..." he wrinkled his nose. "Oh, I know! This is not the most interesting thing, or the most daring, or stupidest thing I've ever done, but it was easily the most terrifying moment of my life. So. It's like this." his eyes glinted mischievously as he began his tale. "It's
first year, right? Me, Sirius, Peter, and Remus were all young, carefree, and innocent,"
Lily snorted.
"Well, for the most part." he shrugged. "So we discovered this secret passageway on the sixth floor,
behind that portrait of Otis the Oddball. And we're walking down the passageway,
thinking it will lead to the grounds or something, when we end up in
McGonogall's office!" She looked at him in surprise.
"Why would there be a secret passageway into McGonogall's office?" she asked disbelievingly.
"I'm thinking that Dumbledore uses it for their little secret nighttime visits." James nodded seriously. She laughed.
"Okay, go on."
"So we walk in, all excited to see where it had led, and right there is McGonogall herself, sleeping at
her desk! So we're just going to turn around quietly, and leave before she caught us. Easy enough, right?"
"And...?"
"And then Peter tripped and fell into her rubbish bin." Lily gasped.
"She gave this funny sort of spasm, and sat straight up, her eyes wide and glossy looking as though she'd been Imperiused." James said, shuddering. "She rose out of her chair, and started walking towards us, drool dripping down her chin." Lily couldn't help but scoff. She highly doubted McGonogall had ever drooled in her entire life.
"No, honestly, you should have seen her, Lils, it was like she was in a trance or something!" James looked at her with wide,
honest eyes.
"What was wrong with her?"
"She was sleepwalking!" James cried. "It was the most terrifying moment of my life! Imagine McGonogall coming after you while she's asleep!" he shuddered again. Lily's laugh reverberated off the stone walls; she knew it must have been horrifying for the
group of eleven year olds.
"Sleepwalking people freak me out too." she admitted. "Did you know that sleepwalking is considered a disorder?"
"Did you know that having nightmares is considered a disorder?" James countered.
"Well that brings my total number of disorders up to two." she muttered, scratching the back of her head.
"You sleepwalk and have nightmares?" James asked, looking at her with concerned eyes.
"Yes." she said, blushing. "But I hardly ever sleep walk anymore... Madam Pomfrey has me taking a
mild sleeping draught every night. Sometimes, it doesn't help with the nightmares though." she shuddered.
"What do you have nightmares about?" James asked, squeezing her hand again.
"Usually about Voldemort." she admitted, very distracted by James's fingers, which seemed
to mold to hers perfectly. "Sometimes I dream that he's taken over the Wizarding world and he's the new headmaster of Hogwarts..." she decided not to mention that Severus usually posed as a Death Eater in these dreams, bowing at Voldemort's feet. "Usually I dream that he kills off all the muggleborns at Hogwarts one by one. Sometimes, in my dream, I run into the room of requirement, to hide, but when I go in, it's a maze, and follows me, I can hear him chasing me, and I'm screaming, but no one can hear me... and then... I wake up." She stopped, embarrassed by her rambling. "They don't sound as scary
when I explain it out-loud."
"It sounds horrible." James said sympathetically. She smiled at him.
"It's all right. We'll make it through Voldemort's uprising. He's only a man, right? He has to die sometime." James bit his lip.
"That's the thing, Lils, I'm not sure he's even a man anymore."
"What else could he be?"
"I don't know." James sighed. "But that's what scares me the most." They walked quietly down the passage for a while, lost in their own thoughts. Their footsteps echoed, unnaturally loud in the lone tunnel. They glanced at each other occasionally through the dim
light of torches that lined the walls, exchanging somewhat exhilarated smiles.
"What do you want to do after school?" Lily asked suddenly. He looked at her thoughtfully.
"I'm thinking about being an Auror, but since my family is somewhat... er, well-off, I kind of hope to join the Order of the Pheonix." Lily knew the Order of the Pheonix was a non-profit organization that fought against Voldemort. The order wasn't considered part of the ministry, but they accepted anyone who was dedicated to fighting against the dark arts and able to help. "I can't think of anything
I'd rather do than fight against Voldemort." he said determinedly. "What do you want to do?"
"Pretty much the same thing. I need to fight to protect innocent muggleborns like me. I can't imagine a better way to do that than be in the Order, or be an Auror. In all honesty though," she whispered. "If I worked as an Auror I'd be too afraid that Voldemort would infiltrate the Ministry... So I'd rather work in the Order. Of course, my parents don't like the idea, since it's not a paying job,
and it would be dangerous..."
"Yeah, my parents aren't too keen on the idea of me joining the Order either." James nodded solemnly. "But they understand if that's what I need to do, I have to do it. They're very supportive."
"My parents are supportive, but they're muggles." Lily said, frowning. "They have a harder time
understanding the war that's waging against Voldemort right now. They don't see it like we do."
"Isn't it difficult?" he asked, frowning. "Having your parents being muggles and all? I mean, you sort of
live in different worlds..." She sighed.
"My parents are mostly okay.
They do their best to understand what the Wizarding world is like. They even get the Daily Prophet while I'm away at school so they can keep up with what's going on outside their non-magical realm. But my sister is where the problem lies."
James maintained a politely interested expression that kept her talking. "Jealousy and anger, separation... I think having one magically gifted child in the family mostly causes dissent among siblings." she sighed again. "I'm just glad I have only one sibling, so I'm not shunned by, say, four or five siblings that hate me because I get all of this," she motioned around to their surroundings. "while they're stuck at public school."
"Public school? James raised an eyebrow at her.
"It's school for muggle kids." she explained patiently. "But it's not like
Hogwarts, because you go there everyday, for several hours, and you go home
every evening." James looked startled.
"That's so strange!"
She laughed. "I suppose to you it would be."
"Here we are!" James said.
They seemingly had reached the end of the passageway. She wasn't sure how they were going to get out. The dirt and rock wall appeared to be very solid, but he pulled out his mahogany wand and tapped on the stone wall smartly. The stones wiggled and moved aside, creating a square hole in the wall. The light was almost blinding after the trip through the dank tunnel. James climbed through, ducking his head, and helped Lily through.
"Wow!" she said in awe, squinting from the sudden brightness of sun and snow. They were standing on the sloping ground that was usually used for observing the Shrieking Shack. She looked back at where they'd come from to see the hole rapidly closing on a inconspicuous hill on the land.
"Can you go back that way?" she asked.
"Yup." James replied.
"And this is the answer to your question."
"This is how you bought all that stuff?" she asked. "You just sneak out of school and wander
around Hogsmeade?"
"Basically." he nodded cheerfully. "So where do you want to go?"
"Oh, I don't know." she said, startled. "Where do you want to go?"
"Well, I, personally, am a bit hungry." he said, patting his flat stomach. "You in the mood for
breakfast?"
"Sure." she said easily.
"I know just the place." They strolled, hand in hand towards the bright village of Hogsmeade Lily was glad that James had told her to bring a cloak. The November air was icy, and the light dusting of snow cold beneath their feet. Everything looked so clean and beautiful in the morning. There were few people out due to the early hour, and the sun was just beginning to peak over the horizon, casting a pinkish hue upon the snow and reflecting off the glistening window panes of the shops.
"It's beautiful, isn't it?" she breathed softly. James turned to her as though he were going to say something, but seemingly changed his mind. She gave him a puzzled glance, but he merely flushed and continued to walk.
"Here we are." James said after a few minutes. They had reached a small diner with a large sign out front labeled, "Batty's Bewitching Bakery"
"I've never been here before." Lily commented mildly.
"I come down here for breakfast sometimes if I'm tired of school food." James said. She understood how
that could happen. "Here, they serve some stuff we don't
get up at school. I hope you like baked goods." James said, opening the door so that a bell tinkled softly over their heads as they entered. It was a very quaint sort of bakery; the smell of delicious pastries wafted over them the moment they stepped in. The pale yellow walls gave off a very homey and bright sort of atmosphere. There was a cheerful looking woman behind the counter with frizzy blonde hair, who was chatting animatedly with a pancake-eating man. The bistro wasn't busy, but an elderly couple sat
in a near corner, and from the sound of it, were arguing over a piece of toast. There was a group of middle-aged witches sitting gathered around a table, gossiping over a copy of Witch Weekly, and looking very out of place, two young
men dressed completely in jet-black dragonhide.
"I suppose you would prefer a seat
by the window?" James speculated, leading her over to a round, high table with two stools.
"How do you know everything?" she exclaimed in amazement. She did like to sit by windows. How he knew this,
though, she had no clue.
"I see, I listen." James said simply, pulling out a stool for her.
"Thank-you." she said politely as he softly released her hand and sat down across from her. She
wasn't tall enough that her feet touched the floor so she tucked her feet in-between the rungs of the chairs. A vase of bright yellow flowers sat in the center of the dark mahogany table with two menus. James picked up his and opened it. She followed suit. From the looks of it, they had every bread product imaginable: soft and buttery croissants, hazelnut puffs with whipped chocolate mousse,
choux pastries filled with light raspberry cream and gooseberry tarts powdered with sugar.
"What should I get?" she asked,
at loss. "There's so much to choose from!"
"Hmm." James eyes scanned the
menu. "Well, their crepes are good, the muffins are spectacular, and the French
toast is to die for." She looked over the menu again.
"I think I'll get a cranberry-orange muffin with vanilla glaze and
lemon zest." Lily said after she'd looked down the list. "I've never heard of that combination before, but it sounds splendid."
"Alright then." James set down his menu and cleared his throat. "One cranberry-orange muffin with tea and the strawberry crepes."
Two loaded plates appeared in front of them.
"Sorry, I should've asked if you wanted tea." James said apologetically. "But since you don't
drink coffee..."
"It's fine." she waved him off, wondering again, how he knew that. "Aren't you getting a drink?"
"Water please." James said to his menu clearly. An iced glass of water appeared in front of him.
"Cheers." he said, picking up his fork and digging into his plate of hot crepes. Lily picked up her own fork and cut her enormous muffin in half. Steam rose from the moist, pink hued center so the scent of orange and cranberry wafted over her. She took a bite and an array of colorful flavors exploded on her taste buds.
"Merlin's beard!" she exclaimed. "This is amazing!" James laughed at her wide-eyed expression.
"Do you want to tray a piece of crepe?"
"Sure," she said. James loaded his fork with the creamy strawberry crepe and waved it under her nose.
"Smell that?" he grinned. She inhaled the beautiful scent of fresh strawberries and sweet cream.
She took a bite off of his fork daintily. It was even better than she expected.
"That's really good." she said mildly. Her insides were exploding, though
she was sure it had nothing to do with the food. The plump witch from behind the counter
bustled over, smiling. "Hello my dears!" she
said, eyes sparkling. "I'm Batty. I own the place, but you should know that, since the sign out front is enormous! I wanted it smaller, but my son insisted. 'Big signs attract big business, Mum.' Well goodness me, maybe I don't want a big business, ever think of that, hmm? But I enjoy running the place. I love people and I love baking, why not open a bakery, right?" She said this all very fast. "Anyways, it's always good to see such young couples here," she beamed at them. "And so in love, too! Why, you two must be fresh out of school!" Lily balked.
"It does seem like just yesterday we
were students!" James smiled charmingly at her, not missing a beat.
"Darling, just darling…" the witch gave an exuberant nod. "So do you two have everything you need? Find anything
unsatisfactory?"
"Oh, no, we're great, thanks
Batty." James waved a hand airily. Lily didn't trust herself to speak; she
would probably just stutter and blush, so she just smiled and nodded like an idiot.
"All right, well let me know if you need anything, anything at all!" she gave them a heavily eye-shadowed wink and bustled off back to the counter.
Lily looked at James and blinked several times.
"She's friendly."
"Quite." James grinned. Young couples so in love? She supposed that would be what they looked like from the outside. But what were they really? Lily starting eating her muffin again, and tried not to stare at James. It was difficult. With the bright sunlight reflecting off the snow, she could see each tiny line on his perfect face. All she wanted to do was gaze at him, and memorize every slope and ridge of his
visage. Of course, there were other ways to familiarize herself with the planes of his body... but that was an entirely different matter.
"Why are you looking at me like
that?" James asked, staring back at her self-consciously. She blushed.
"It's nothing, I just..." she sighed as she looked deeply into his eyes."It's just that you've... changed."
"That's a good thing, right?" he asked, his eyebrows high on his forehead.
"Yes." she said, grinning.
"Most definitely. I'm just wondering... what made you change?"
He took a sip of water and looked at her thoughtfully.
"A multitude of things, I suppose." he said finally, after taking a bite of crepe. "For one, I grew up." he sipped his water again. "I finally managed to get out of that egocentric stage of puberty where you think you're better than everyone else."
"It took long enough." She teased.
He stuck out his tongue at her.
"Still have some maturing to do, I see." she laughed.
"I suppose I do still have a ways to go." he shrugged. "But other than growing up, I just sort of realized
that hexing people for no reason was idiotic, that playing with that snitch was obnoxious," She nodded vigorously in agreement.
He chuckled, "and that I really am no better than anyone else."
"That's not true, though" Lily said without thinking. James looked bemused. "You – you are better," she said, trying to explain. "Better than a lot of people I know. You're really... a good person, on the inside... Even if it took a while to show on the outside." she said, flushing again. He looked at her with such a tender expression;
Lily thought she would melt into a puddle.
"So are you, Lils." he said after a moment. "You have this way of seeing the good in someone, sometimes when they can't even see it themselves." His eyes bored into hers. She couldn't blink. "I can't thank you enough." he said quietly.
"For how much you helped Remus. " his voice was slightly hoarse with emotion. It was incredible how much he really cared about his friends. "He thought no one, especially a woman would ever accept him, now or in the future. He thought he would never marry, or even date! He thought he could never, ever have a child. But you showed him that there are people out there, no matter how rare,
that will accept him. And I think it gave him hope for a real relationship with someone one day, just by being his friend." Lily gulped.
"I didn't realize I affected him that much." she said softly.
"That's what I mean, Lils." he smiled at her. "You don't even know the affect you have on people." He shook his head. "On everyone you come in contact with. You're incredible." his words seemed to seep into her very soul, banishing every stubborn, angry, and harsh part inside of her. She felt as though her soul cleansed by his very gaze. She took another bite of muffin, gazing out the window pensively. This was unbelievable. Here she was, on a crisp Monday morning, sitting at a restaurant eating breakfast with James. No matter how she looked at it, she could not get around the fact that this was a date. Or was it? He didn't technically ask her out on a date... so was it one? Or not? Jumping in, Lily, she reminded herself. Don't think technically.
"Thank-you." she smiled.
"You're welcome." he replied, eyes sparkling. "So now you know what changed in me... what about you?"
"What about me?" she asked, taken aback.
"Oh, come on, Lily. I'm not the only one who's changed." he looked at her expectantly.
"Fifth year, you were very, er...self-assured, somewhat irascible, and kind of..."
"Uncivilized, heartless, and
harsh?" she suggested, knowing all of these options were true when it came
to fifth year.
"Well, I mean, that's a little extreme..." James looked at the ceiling awkwardly. She laughed.
"No, I was, it's true." she sighed. "You were obnoxious, but I was cruel. Why did you even like me
then? I was a horrible person!"
"You weren't horrible." he said breezily. "But I really don't know, Lils, honestly." James's black hair became even more chaotic as he shook his head. "I've always been drawn to you. It's hard to explain." She looked at him intently. The gold in James's eyes flickered and glistened in the bright sunlight. He smiled crookedly at her. "I could get used to you looking at me like that, Lily. It's a lot better than this." He put on a grotesque expression in imitation of hatred. She laughed.
"I am pretty sure I've never made that facial expression in my entire life!"
she said defensively.
"Okay, how about this one." He scrunched up his nose as though he'd caught a whiff of dung and narrowed his
eyes at her.
"Admittedly, I may have made that expression at you before." she sighed in defeat. James dropped his haughty
imitation of her.
"Try every day for six years, Lily."
"Granted."
"You have to admit that was a good imitation." he smiled.
"I wouldn't know." she replied quirking an eyebrow at him. "I don't usually glare at myself in
the mirror."
"Really?" he grinned. "I was under the impression that all females spend as much time as possible in
front of a mirror."
"Not all females." she rolled her eyes, thinking of the past six years spent in the company of other teenage girls, "Though many."
"Why are girls so obsessed with their appearance?" James asked suddenly, his countenance earnestly bemused. Lily wrinkled her lips in thought. It was a good question that she'd often asked herself over the years.
"I suppose it's because in every girl -" she began, sharing the conclusion she had come to, "sometimes buried deeply inside, and sometimes shallowly planted for everyone to see - there's this want for attention, a longing to be coveted, a desire to be beautiful, and a need to be needed. We feel as though we can accomplish all of that by being physically alluring."
"Why though?" James asked, visibly struggling to understand. "Why do they try to get all those things through being pretty? Being beautiful doesn't last forever. Being beautiful doesn't make you successful or liked in the long run. Why is it so important?"
"Well," Lily said objectively. "Being attractive can get you places in life."
"How so?"
"Well, people aren't usually rude or impatient with you if they're marveling at your appearance." She shrugged. "You
get your way more often, especially when it comes to men, and doors swing wide open for you in life when you're glamorous and beautiful."
"Are you speaking from experience?" James's hazel eyes sparkled.
"No." she blushed. "Observational learning."
"You do know that you're beautiful, don't you?" James asked her, taking a bite of crepe.
Her insides abruptly shifted position. Of course, her whole life people had told her she was pretty. Her parents, her friends, even people in the food market or at her teachers at elementary school. Listening to people tell you one thing all your
life tends to make you believe it's true. I'm not overweight, she thought fairly. I
have nice skin and shiny hair and bright eyes. Sure I have flaws, but people aren't made to be perfect. She always thought that if everyone were perfect, everyone would look the same. There would be no character to appearances. She didn't mind that her bottom lip was a little too big for her top lip, that freckles were sprinkled across her skin, (so pale she was almost albino) or that her hips were wider than most of her friend's put together. That was just part of who she was. Without those little things, she would just be a pretty person with no personality.
"Mmm." she smiled vaguely. Did James really think she was beautiful? Of course
he does, she told herself. You've known that since fifth year. But
then it didn't matter. She hadn't cared then. Now she did. So she had changed.
It was a very strange moment that she came to realize that. She had truly
changed these past couple of years. It wasn't only James.
"Well, you are." James said, watching her expression in interest. "Stunningly so."
"Thank-you." she said simply, unable to express the bubble of joy that had swelled over her heart. So are you.
"What?" James looked up from his food and stared at her, puzzled.
"Nothing." she muttered quickly. Blast it all, she had said that out loud? She took a large bite of muffin so he couldn't interrogate her. A large grin spread across James's face and he raised an eyebrow at her suspiciously. She blushed furiously and became
very focused on the task of stirring her tea. You blithering fool, she mentally abused herself. You bloody idiot! Why can't you keep your mouth shut?
"So..." she said, scrounging
for something else to talk about."Did you do your Transfiguration homework?" James rolled his eyes at her desperate subject change.
"Yes." he said "Did you?"
"No." she replied sheepishly. "I still can't get the hang of it." Currently in Transfiguration they were working on turning large pieces of furniture into animals, or more specifically, turning their class desks into farm animals. Lily was having a
lot of trouble getting past the house pet stage. She could easily turn her desk into a dog or cat, but when she tried a sheep or a cow, she usually ended up with an inanimate lump of wood.
"I could help you." James said. "I managed to turn my bed into a rhinoceros last night."
"You turned your bed into a rhinoceros?" Lily repeated weakly.
"Yup." James replied, looking proud of himself. "And I didn't even let it destroy anything!"
"Well." she said faintly. "That's... impressive. Where was I when you did this?"
"Sleeping?" James shrugged.
"What if it had rampaged through the walls and trampled me?" she asked.
James's brow furrowed. "I wouldn't let that happen." His countenance looked almost insulted. His voice was so honest, it was almost strange. He wouldn't let anything happen to her. He would protect her.
Merlin, how long had it taken her so long to see the real man inside of James? The mature, protective, kind and sensitive man inside? She took another bite of muffin, feeling completely at peace with the world around her. This was her happy place. Here with James, stomach full, warm, and doing something rebellious. Oh yes, this was the life.
"Glad you came?" James asked, speculating her facial expression with ease.
"Yes." she replied honestly. "When do we have to go?" James looked at his watch.
"Five minutes ago."
"Well that's a problem."
"Indeed." he grinned and stood up. "I would suggest skiving off, but I know you won't, so we should
probably go."
"Okay, she said, polishing off the last of her breakfast and hopping off her stool. "I'm ready." She dug a hand in her pocket and
retrieved a pile of sickles. She was just reaching to set them on the table when a hand grabbed her wrist. Bloody hell, how did he do that? A second ago James had been sitting across the table, and suddenly his face was inches from hers, his warm fingers enclosed over her wrist. He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Yeah, I don't think so."
"Why not?" she asked breathlessly, staring into his endless eyes.
"Because."
"That's not a very good reason."
"Just let me." he said, in such a way that told her the subject was closed. Usually she would have been more stubborn about
things, but James's eyes were flickering in a manner that was very overpowering.
"Fine." she said at last. "But at least let me tip."
James glared at her. She glared back. The
corner of James's mouth twitched upward. She cracked a grin.
"Fine." James rolled his eyes,
exasperated. She threw down a few sickles and he left a Galleon on the table. James
took her hand again as if it were the most natural thing in the world. The bell
tinkled over their heads as they left the shop and Lily breathed in the crisp, cold air. They headed back up to the Shrieking Shack at a quick pace.
"Thanks for taking me to breakfast." Lily said cheerfully.
"My pleasure." James replied, smiling. "Didn't give you much of a choice, did I?"
"Not really." she shrugged. "But I enjoyed it all the same."
"Me too." James smiled down at her. It suddenly struck her how very tall he was. Tall and handsome. Not to mention muscular. She was a very lucky girl indeed. James checked his watch nervously. "I don't want to rush you," he said, "but we'd better hustle if we want to be on time." She lengthened her stride to match his, a slightly difficult feat, seeing how his legs were so much longer than hers.
"You're an only child, right?" Lily asked. It had occurred to her that James knew almost everything about her, but she knew so little about him.
"Yup." James said cheerfully.
"Do you ever wish you had siblings?" she asked curiously.
James shrugged. "Sometimes. More than once
I've wished that I had an older sister, to give me advice on, you know, how to woo the ladies and stuff."
"Woo the ladies?" Lily giggled, thinking that he was doing just fine even without a sister's advice.
He grinned. "Yeah... but I've always wished I had younger siblings too, to look after. I love kids, so I've kinda missed out on that aspect of life."
He loved kids? Of course he did. He was perfect.
"Do you want kids?" James looked at her expectantly.
"Mmhm." she said, nodding.
"How many?" James's eyes sparkled. "Eight? Ten?"
"Merlin, no." Lily laughed. "I think two or three would be good." James nodded.
"Three seems like a good number." Lily suddenly had a vision of a young boy - a boy with untidy black hair, tall and thin like James,
but with her green eyes. She shook herself. This was not a healthy train of thought.
"Sometimes I wonder what's going through
your head" James said, pulling out his wand. She flushed. As he whispered an incantation and the side of the hill opened up.
"Sometimes it's better if you don't know what other people are thinking." She said, following James into the passage.
"True." James conceded. "But it doesn't stop me from being curious."
Lily just gave a noncommittal hum.
"A knut for your thoughts?" James
offered.
"Just thinking about the future." she said half-truthfully. "Wondering if I even want to raise a child in such dark times. The ministry can pretend, but, I mean, we know Voldemort is this close," she indicated a tiny space with her fingers. "To infiltrating the ministry. What then? How are you supposed to raise children?"
"'Happiness can be found even in the darkest of times, when one only remembers to turn on the light." James said
sagely. She raised an eyebrow at him. "Something Dumbledore said to me once," he said, shrugging. "But I find it to be true. The ministry, the Order, and Dumbledore are still fighting…" He looked deeply into her eyes.
"There's always hope. You just have to find it."