Last chapter, guys! And a really short one as well, so you can get this over with quickly ;) I'm so thoughtful.
OH OH OH BTW: There's a little drawing up on my dA account for all you lovelies, to thank you for reading! Everyone who favourited, followed, and reviewed this story has their username on it. I'm Cortex- Aire if you want to take a look! The name is rather obvious- hint: it's got "Asking For Disaster" in the title ;)
I'll PM you all if I decide to put a poll up for a sequel. IF!
Chapter Nineteen (EVEN THOUGH THE STUPID CHAPTER COUNT SAYS IT'S 21): A Short Concluding Chapter
They arrived back at the HQ to a hero's welcome.
"Where the [CENSORED] have you lot been?!"
"Who the [CENSORED] is the guy with the purple tunic?!"
"Why the holy hell is Link with you?!"
"What on this good sweet earth have you got in that box?!"
"How the sweet singing [CENSORED] did you not notice that Ganondorf has been impaled with the Master Sword?!"
"WHAT?!" everyone screamed in unison, and whipped round to look at their master. Ganondorf looked down at himself in terror, and his face arranged itself into a puzzled frown.
"Duh? There's no Master Sword anywhere! Is it up my butt?"
"Heh heh... Sorry 'bout that." the author giggled nervously as everyone approached her ominously. "Uh, only a joke guys...!"
Onox raised his axe above his head and chopped the unfortunate girl clean in half.
"Onox?! When did you get here?!" Shadow exclaimed.
"The author's given everyone a pretty hard time over the course of this story and deserved him to go out in the goriest way possible, despite her playing no other part in the story at all, so through the magic of the Plothole Fairy I teleported here to turn her into sashimi." Onox replied. Ganondorf chuckled, apparently enjoying the violence.
Vaati set the box down on the floor and proceeded to explain to a half- interested crowd of onlookers (that is, those who weren't watching Cortex being neatly diced) their plan to unleash the ChuChu race upon Hyrule once again. Of course, the creatures would have to be genetically modified so that their goo wouldn't aid Link in any way as it did in Twilight Princess.
(A/N: I could never scoop it up fast enough- I'd have my bottle ready and my sword out and everything, but every time that elusive "Scoop" prompt appeared my nunchuk would magically go haywire. My sister once filmed me screaming at the screen "CHU GOO! CHU GOO! OH, WHAT THE HELL HERO, IT'S OVER THERE! NOOOOOOOOOO, IT'S GOOOOOOOONE!" as Link jogged around cheerfully in a constant circle. Ah, I'm thick.)
Everyone agreed that since the Kuroi were completely out of evil plans so far- the most recent ones had included kidnapping Princess Zelda, breaking free of their seals, breaking other ungrateful villains free of their seals, and going "Moooo ha haaaaa!" a lot (all quickly voted against because they were the now somewhat hackneyed plotlines of NEARLY EVERY ZELDA)- that letting ChuChus run free was a much (well, slightly) more imaginative way to wreak havoc across Hyrule.
"We will finalise the plans over the next few weeks, and then we will dispatch some Kuroi to plant them in various public places. They will recreate themselves endlessly until the whole world is covered in blue, green, and yellow gloop!" Vaati announced proudly, to enthusiastic applause.
"They make babies HOW FAST?! Jeez, they must have more affairs than [REMOVED BY LAWYERS]!" came a voice from the back.
It took Vaati a long time to explain ChuChu reproduction.
While he was doing that, a box from South Wales arrived at a house in Kent, situated by the coastline. If anyone had been watching said box, they would have noted that it wasn't very docile- there seemed to be a lot of screaming and swearing coming from inside it, and it was jumping about rather a lot.
"WHAT DO I EVEN HAVE TO DO WITH THIS [CENSORED] STORY?!" it screamed.
"Oh, shush." the harrassed employee of Author's Stupidity Inc. replied, picking it out from his truck and hurling it down the stairs. "The author just got chopped to pieces! Technically this means I'm out of a job. You're my last delivery... what a day."
It was early morning now, and the loud banging as the box slammed against the door woke many of the neighbours.
"Oh, what a life..." Dark muttered as he sat squashed up inside the tiny area. "This story has stunk all the way through! That Shadow Link has taken my limelight for the LAST TIME!" His face lit up as he began to scheme. "Well, no more... I am the superior Link, after all. Let us hope there is a sequel! Let us hope that the author takes Shadow to the underworld with her! And I will take his place, exalted and brilliant, and neither Vaati nor Ganondorf will ever be able to compare to my-"
He heard a door open. To his surprise and utter horror, he felt himself and the box rise off the floor.
"Hello Darky!" came a voice. "I've been expecting you..."
"NNNNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Vaati, Shadow, Vio, and Ganon sat upstairs sipping heated Chu Goo in Ganon's chamber. They were exhausted and battle- worn, yet relieved that their quest was finally over. In the dim red glow of Ganon's mood lighting, they each made a silent vow to themselves that they would NEVER get roped into another journey like that ever again, for good or evil. Well, all of them except Vio, that is. But he hadn't really enjoyed travelling with the three other Links either. He was glad that he could return to the dark side now that the saviours of good were finally extinguished. He had always felt at home here.
"Well, I suppose I'd better get back to the Fire Temple." Shadow sighed, draining the last dregs of his Goo and stretching lazily across the sofa. He got up and adjusted his tunic. "Here's hopin' we never have to do anythin' like that again, regardless of how much the author enjoyed writing it."
Ganon nodded. Then he froze. "Hey... Shadow, you didn't leave the mirror in the care of the Hinoxes, did you?"
"Naah, Veran looked after it." Shadow replied.
Right on cue, Vaati's phone burst into a loud rendition of "O Fortuna". He whipped it out and raised the eyebrow not covered by his fringe. If he even has eyebrows... Nobody had noticed them before.
"I've just recieved a message from Veran titled Re: Hinoxes. Let's see..."
It read:
VAATI HELP ME
I FRGOT SHADOW DOESNT EAT CUZ HES A SHADOW AN ALL THAT
AM STARVIN
WILL EAT HINOX
HINOX NOT VERY FILLING
I'M DEAD
Shadow looked relieved. "D'awwww, she even got rid of the Hinoxes for me. You two are the perfect match, Master." he said, patting a spluttering Vaati on the shoulder.
"Why are you spluttering, Vaati?" Vio asked, concerned.
"Veran's- dead- you- numbskull! And the- goo- went down- the wrong- way- you- numbskull!" Vaati choked.
Shadow rolled his eyes, unconcerned, and proceeded to regurgitate the key he had swallowed for the temple all the way back at the start of the story.
Wiping it on his tunic (and ignoring Vio's disgusted expression), he got off the sofa and bowed deeply to each of his comrades in turn. "I hope we meet again, y'all. I'm always in the Fire Temple if ya need me... all on my own... miming to Britney Spears..." His voice trailed off and he turned sadly to the door. Vio leapt up, spilling his Goo over the carpets. Ganondorf scowled ("That was a priceless 7th century weaving! Sacrilege!").
"Shadow, I'll go with you!" he yelled. Shadow turned round, eyes wide.
"Really? Ya would? Just like old times?"
"Just like old times! C'mon, it'll be great! You can reintroduce me to the Mirror all over again, and Tingle can intrude the palace all over again, and we can scheme to usurp Ga-"
"Yup, sounds good!" Shadow said quickly, taking Vio's arm and throwing him out the door. He looked back at Vaati and Ganon.
"No yaoi, Shadow." Vaati warned.
Shadow looked ill. "Believe me, there won't be."
And with that he teleported away, taking Vio with him.
There was a long silence in the room after that. Vaati and Ganondorf had never really been on speaking terms except to discuss urgent matters for the good of the Kuroi. Now their work was done, there didn't seem to be any need for them to talk to eachother. Instead, they sat and glared at eachother wordlessly, as they had always done. Just like old times.
After an unbearable ten minutes, Ganondorf finally spoke. "I suppose our journey hasn't really improved our relationship since you're so stupid."
"No." Vaati replied.
There was silence once again.
Another ten minutes later, Ganondorf spoke again. "So, I suppose after you've finished your plans for the ChuChu invasion, we've got to find some Kuroi to do the dirty work. Some STUPID Kuroi."
"Yup."
Silence.
"Anyone you got in mind, Master?"
"Well, strangely enough, I've been having a think about it. I've decided who I want to go on the next mission."
Vaati noted that Ganondorf had become much more well- spoken and intelligent over the course of their journey. Perhaps intelligence really did rub off, he thought smugly.
"And..." Ganon paused. "I can only really think of three Kuroi who would be up to the task. Three Kuroi who will always worship how awesome I am, who have brains a lot smaller than mine, who always get things done in their own stupid and useless way no matter what the author does."
Vaati leaned forward with half- interest. "Go on. Who would that be?"
"Well, the choice is obvious. Me, you, and Shadow...!"
THE END
YEEESSSSSS! IT'S DONE! IT'S DONE! FINALLY! ...What do I mean "finally"? Jeez, it's only been 2.5 months... That's a long time to me!
Thank you ALL for your amazing support- I was really nervous about this story because it was my first fanfiction, but the reception it's recieved has been really encouraging! =3 Some people may count this fic successful, and some may not, but all I care about is that there are people out there that enjoyed it! =D
A huge thank you to:
Shadow Rinato
Swamp Dragon Princess
JesusDoesNotLoveMe
SpiritofSilverWater
SoulXSilverII
Elegia Dark
kdldvs
eeveelover1824
Lady GhiGhi
cutiecreeper
GhiGhi2857
shadowlinkhotnes
*bows to each one in turn*
FINAL MENTIONS! Although reviews are still appreciated... I'll probably update this chapter to add you in.
Swamp Dragon Princess: I have completely lost track of the date in Hyrule now. I think it's gone back to the middle of November... But I can't be sure... We'd better ask the Goddesses when they finally stagger out of the pub!
Now, what do you mean about the modem cave paintings? *hugs lovely 56 Kbps modem* You're the last of your species, my little one! And you should be PROUD of it! There, there... There's been a lot of memes about a song by someone called "Skrillex" that sounds like a dialup! I've never heard it... must someday.
D'awww... well there's always the chance of a sequel! *cough* NEXT CENTURY *cough*
Undoubtedly there was a lovely little chime. Or a voice going "Every little helps!" I'm not sure the Gerudo could have possibly carried Ganny all that way though... If they had collapsed and died in the middle of Hyrule Field, he would never have got back to his adoring legions of warriors! Gasp!
Or I just didn't think of it at the time XD
If I do a sequel, I sincerely hope you'll co- write with me! I need your help!
Thank you sooo much for reviewing to the last chapter! ^^
SpiritofSilverWater: Oh yeah, he's probably lost even more Rupees now. He's going to end up skint and relying on Vaati to buy him a house when he's older.
Aww, do we have someone who's not very sympathetic about Dark's plight? I never used to like the guy either... but I've warmed to him a bit ;)
Hmm, we'll see! Vio most CERTAINLY better keep his hands off! I'm not writing yaoi anytime soon!
Thank you very, very much for reviewing to the last chapter... I'm so happy :)
eeveelover1824: I'm very glad! Thank you for the favourite and follow! I assume you're one person that wants a sequel, at least... I'll back you up! I enjoyed writing this so much that I'd really like to write a sequel! But of course, that's up to the readers... gulp ^^;
As I said, any words you don't understand, feel free to PM me and I'll give you translations. Or if you just type "American equivalent of (word)" into Google search, that should do it. I can't remember if I told you this, but when your review came through it was midnight. And I had a very nice night, thank you ^^
Lady GhiGhi: Apologies, forgot to mention you last chapter! I'm so thick... durr XD
Hrm, which method would I use...? Probably the "farted on", just to make his death as miserable as possible! Especially as "force- feeding heart potion" would actually INCREASE his life... wouldn't it? *muses* I probably put something stupid about heart potion at the beginning of the story though, so I'll give you that.
Ganny votes "farted on" as well!
Update : SoulXSilverII: Awwww, thanks =3 And I hope I heal too! How could Hyrule cope without me?
I'm sure the crazy quack doctor from Twilight Princess will run on and bandage me up now. Or perhaps Vaati will take pity on me... Hey Vaati! Vaati? ...Vaati?
Well, this is it! Goodbye everyone, and don't forget to check out said drawing! Fare thee well! I'll miss you! Kiss kiss!
Have an AMAZING year, and I hope you all return for the sequel someday ;)
-Yours, Cortex