I decided to do something a little different in this chapter. We are going to start out by reading a dictation of Dr. Ping, concerning Azula. A dictation is basically the patient's story, what you did for them, and why. I tried to make it a little funny while explaining what is going on with Azula and what some of the challenges are with her. You will notice it says "3rd dictation," which means Dr. Ping has done others prior to this one and has been treating Azula for quite some time, they just weren't important enough for me to include.
3rd Dictation of Dr. Ping, Earth Kingdom Psychiatrist, M.D regarding Bison Lord Azula
Date of Service: Twenty fifth of May
History of Present Illness:
The Bison Lord, AKA Princess Azula, AKA Ilah Shar, is an unpleasant nineteen year old Fire Nation Female with a history of depression, anxiety, paranoid schizophrenia and "being a sociopath," who has been under my care for almost three weeks now. After trying her on a combination of antidepressant, antipsychotic, and an anxiolytic for the past two and a half weeks I am pleased to report that her clarity and function has improved greatly. She is no longer hearing disembodied voices, imagining insects, or seeing blood. If I did not know her as my patient and just met her on the street, I would never have guessed that she is a depressed schizophrenic. In fact, her functioning is at such an optimum level that she managed to sneak out under the watch of my nurses and train the King's guard unchecked for a full two weeks before it was discovered that Ilah Shar, who she claimed to be, was in fact a fictitious alias that Azula used in order to gain access to them.
She was reprimanded of course, although General Fong thought it might be a good idea for her to continue to train them. Apparently, the rumors of her being an exceptional warrior are not overrated. It is more likely that these rumors are underrated as the King's guard made exceptional progress during the time she drilled them. I will have to be very careful with her, as she is extremely intelligent, and with her history of lying I must take care in accepting what she says at face value.
Which brings me to the challenges we are facing. While we have achieved tremendous success, there remains some stubborn elements of her illness. One such element is a Kyoshi Warrior Version of herself that "pops up randomly," per Azula and encourages her to "Kill the King." Another stubborn element is the dead Fire Nation Monarch Sozin who is, to quote the patient: "always there, extremely irritating," and "every time I kill him he comes back." Azula claims that she has killed him "About six times" in the past two weeks despite the fact that Sozin has been dead for over a hundred years now.
The monarch Sozin also wants her to kill the King and rule the Earth Kingdom. When I ask Azula if she wants to do this, she denies any such desire. In fact, this was her motivation for training the King's guard in the first place. Again, quoting the patient: "I did it to protect his Majesty from myself and my hallucinations." She believes that she is extremely dangerous; I agree with her.
Despite her faults, she has been compliant with her mediation, sometimes complaining if the nurses are late with it. Her therapy bison have been a great help in watching her despite the fact that they encouraged her debauchery with the King's guard. I reprimanded the bison and I have increased my nursing staff to prevent further incidents. His Majesty has also been informed. He was not angry after learning what she had done; he remains devoted to her in spite of everything.
I requested her therapist Unarqa and her medical records from the Fire Nation a couple of weeks ago and have yet to receive anything. As a result I am treating her blind. I am hopeful that the Firelord will respond soon with the material that I need to give her proper care.
Review of Systems and Physical Exam:
Azula appears healthy in all body systems with the exception of her mind. Her forearms are healed, and I have discovered no new mutilations. She has no complaints other than the two hallucinations as described above, and has very adamantly denied any homicidal or suicidal ideations.
Assessment/Plan:
1. Paranoid Schizophrenia- Increase antipsychotic by 10 mg daily. I am hopeful that this will terminate the two hallucinations that are causing her such distress.
2. Major Depressive Disorder without Suicidal Ideations- Continue same dose of antidepressant. She has a significant amount of self-loathing which she will need therapy to work through. I am hopeful that Unarqa will be here to help her soon. If not I may assign another therapist.
3. Generalized Anxiety Disorder(closely related to #1)- This is in no short supply with Azula; her hallucinations are making her very anxious. I am doubling the dose of her anxiolytics; she will be receiving these twice daily instead of once daily.
4. Sociopath(QUESTIONABLE)- At this point, I question the veracity of this diagnosis. Azula states that her Fire Nation psychiatrist told her she was one, but I am not so sure about this. She seems to have a great amount of empathy and love for the King, which is difficult for a sociopath to achieve. Her actions over the past two weeks appear be motivated by love. For now, I will leave this diagnosis on my dictations but label it questionable.
5. Bilateral Forearm Lacerations(RESOLVED)-These are healed completely. Continue to monitor for any new mutilations or cutting.
# # # # # #
Dr. Ping presented his dictation to the Earth King at breakfast after seeing Azula for her weekly evaluation. The psychiatrist had a very candid, but hopeful take on Azula's condition.
Apparently Azula had opened up to Dr. Ping at this week's evaluation more than she usually did, and the physician was able to finally get some answers and a good idea of where they were headed. No Azula hadn't recovered fully. Elements of her schizophrenia were being very stubborn. Yes, she was still a nasty and unpleasant human being, and she remained an extremely dangerous one.
But she was a nasty, unpleasant, and extremely dangerous human being who was fiercely motivated…by love.
With each word Dr. Ping spoke, Kuei's demeanor physically brightened. The reasons for her nasty behavior were suddenly very clear to Dr. Ping, and he was happy to communicate this knowledge to Earth King Kuei. Not only was her motivation for training the King's guard clear, but it was very romantic, in a Para-military sort of way.
After finishing breakfast Kuei thanked the doctor profusely and made a bee line for the barn. The nurses guarding the entrance bowed as Kuei approached.
He entered the structure around midmorning. It was three days after Azula's little incident with the guard was discovered, but she still was sleeping in. She looked deceptively angelic in the morning light and Kuei's heart physically ached when he looked at her lately. He wanted so badly to hold her, see her smile, and to crack sick jokes with her at the expense of others.
He had kept his distance over the past few weeks, trying to give her the space she needed to recover, let her figure out if she really wanted to be with him anymore. After how fiercely she had pushed him away, Kuei was beginning to have his doubts.
After the doctor's analysis, however, Kuei felt much more confident that she did, she was just terribly afraid for him, more so than she was for herself. That fear was driving her abrasiveness and attitude. As he saw her sleeping there across the room, he felt an insatiable urge to reassure her. He sidled over to where she was sleeping and the bison acknowledged him with yawns. Bosco raised his head and then rolled over onto his side in sleepy abandon. The animals loved hanging out with Azula; it gave them an excuse to sleep.
The King sat on the edge of her bed and ran his hands down the length of her back and her midnight hair. She had exquisite hair; it was soft, black, and absolutely gorgeous. The more he touched her and it, the more the aching within him intensified, and he found he couldn't stay away from her anymore. He wanted to hold her and kiss her and taste her, even if she did end up biting him. The pain would be worth it, just to have her in his arms again. He was starving for her.
So Kuei did a very un-Kuei-like thing and climbed into bed with an unmarried woman. She was laying on her side, so he slid his arms around the front of her and pulled her into his body to spoon her. His nose rested in her midnight tresses.
The instant Azula felt him pressed up against her, she was so shocked she blew her 'I'm-sleeping-no-really-I-am' cover. "What are you doing?!" she demanded and she captured his wrists to pry him off of her.
Kuei instantly clamped down around her, fighting her with his physique, which had improved significantly over the past couple of weeks. Body building had not only given him an outlet for his stress, but it had increased his tone as well. "I'm holding you!" he declared and he flipped her around so that she was facing him. One of his arms pinned her just above her buttocks, the other stayed her shoulders and he crushed her to him. His mouth found the sensitive underside of her neck, the spot he'd discovered in his throne room, and he devoured it firmly, forcefully, his lips and tongue caressing the sensitive contours as he made his way to her ear. He also bathed this with affection, in spite of how she struggled against him. "I'm holding you, you insolent shrew," he growled, "and there's nothing you can do about it!"
Azula fumed in spite of the wonderful warm feelings shooting through her body. She was reminded not only of the throne room but also of her first meeting with Dominatia. It wasn't the first time someone had hugged her against her will, and somehow both times hadn't been as bad as she'd imagined.
She was flushed, red, nervous, and extremely angry. But at the same time she also felt so good. Her mind screamed that she should be fighting him. Then again, her mind had concocted all kinds of untoward things over the past few weeks, so she really couldn't trust her mind. Instead she trusted her body. And her body was absolutely loving the contact. What was it about his arms that turned her to absolute mush? She moaned in spite of herself.
Kuei loved that sound. He had only heard it a few times, and already he was becoming addicted. He licked her earlobe again. "I know what you did," he whispered. "I know all about it. More importantly, I know WHY, even if you don't."
"I had to," Azula breathed, trying to put malice into her voice in spite of her moans "Your guard was…ahh!…pathetic!"
Kuei chuckled. "So why should that concern you so much?" He was kissing her neck again and Azula felt the pull to him increase a hundred fold. Before she knew it, her arms were pressing him back against her and she sought out his lips.
The next thing she knew her back was against the bed in complete surrender. Her mind was turning to absolute mush, which Azula actually welcomed. She was sick to death of her malfunctioning mind. Let it mush away; then at least for a while she wouldn't have to deal with it.
Kuei broke the kiss and was at her ear again. "Don't worry, I won't make you answer me honestly. After all, you've been telling me you loved me for the past two weeks, just not with words." He broke away from her ear at this announcement then looked at her with his searing green eyes, a victorious grin on his lips.
Azula swallowed, and then her jaw unhinged. Her eyes darted back and forth in their sockets as she studied him, which was a waste of time because the studious part of Azula's mind was still in a passion induced coma.
Kuei kissed her forehead chastely to change the mood from seductive to loving. Then he moved out from on top of her and settled next to her in the bed. "I'm going to hold you now, and you're going to let me," he declared as he pulled her into his body.
Azula sputtered a little, but gave up on physically fighting him. "This is…highly inappropriate, you know."
"Yes, it is. So hurry up and get better so I can marry you, then it won't be," he purred, planting chaste little kisses along the crown of her head.
Azula stilled at that confession. Her face went further into his chest as she considered what he just said. A fair amount of disbelief and something else….something strangely happy fluttered through her. After several minutes of being unable to think of something not gushy and still Azula like, she settled for: "You make me insane."
Kuei laughed out loud at that one. "Dearest," he said, still laughing, "You were insane long before I got to you."
# # # #
Three days later, much to Dr. Ping's relief, Zuko arrived with Unarqa and Aang. All three were able to confirm that yes, Azula was insane long before Kuei met her; she probably was a little nutty even back when she had thrown Kuei in jail and seized his kingdom for the Fire Nation.
As Zuko offloaded several stacks of papers from Appa, Aang had asked him, jokingly, why he had brought along the library.
Zuko explained that these were Azula's medical records including her hospitalization at the Asylum and several years' worth of outpatient treatment. Zuko handed the thick stacks down to a very eager Dr. Ping who loaded them into a cart for his review.
"These will help tremendously," the psychiatrist said. "You have my thanks, and the thanks of His Majesty. Your Lordship should know His Majesty remains devoted to Azula and quite madly in love with her. Please make yourselves at home in the courtyard, and His Majesty will join you all shortly there." Dr. Ping bowed and then left with Unarqa to discuss the challenging psychiatric case that was Azula.
Aang looked over at Zuko. He was slack-jawed and wide eyed. He pointed an accusatory finger at his friend. "You said Azula was dating someone in Kuei's court. You didn't say it was Kuei!" And this was true; the whole way there, Zuko had kept Aang guessing. It had been entertaining to watch the Airbender squirm.
"Kuei's the head of his court."
Aang head palmed. If he had any hair, he would be pulling it out right now. "Zuko! Something this good you KEEP FROM ME?! I mean, you can't make this kind of crack pairing romance up! This is…this is TOO GOOD! Why?!"
Zuko shrugged, "I figured they would break up, and I didn't want to spread the news in case they did. Besides," Zuko redirected as he cracked a smile very much at odds with his melodramatic demeanor and even more melodramatic scar. "Didn't you enjoy the surprise?"
Aang scowled at him. "Never try to be funny again, Zuko," he deadpanned "It doesn't look good on you."
# # # # #
"This is unfortunate," Unarqa related as she sat down in Doctor Ping's office. The physician poured tea for her and himself as the therapist started to share her knowledge with him. "Azula hasn't hallucinated in quite some time. Her last real hallucination happened a few months before I came to work with her."
"So you're not an expert on her hallucinations?"
Unarqa shook her head. "She's always been paranoid, anxious, a little depressed, and very self-loathing, but I can't tell you anything really about her hallucinations. Firelord Zuko warned me that she used to see their mother all of the time. There was about a two week period where she went off her medication on a whim; but her bison quickly corrected the situation and I never saw her when she was out of control. In truth, I have never dealt with her while she's hallucinating. "
"What about her psychiatrist in the Fire Nation, Dr. Shar, is it?"
Unarqa nodded. "He last saw her couple of months ago, but he wouldn't be able to tell you much either. You see, after her condition worsened at the Asylum, Firelord Zuko was extremely displeased with the staff there and he fired most if not all. Dr Shar has only been treating her for the past two years."
Dr. Ping sighed and slumped into his chair. He glanced over at the four thick stacks of paper awaiting his attention. "It seems then that I have my work cut out for me."
Unaqua smiled empathetically. "May I suggest you concentrate on the pile from the Asylum?" the therapist said hopefully.
# # #
"So if you were going to kill me, how would you do it?"
Azula was facing away from the King, but she frowned at the question anyway. His arms were around her just like they had been the past few days, and his face was in her hair, breathing in her scent. They were lying in the bed, fully clothed. He was holding her again, just like he said he would, every day until she was better. "Your Majesty enjoys some very nontraditional conversation topics."
"You're so afraid of killing me and so convinced that you will," Earth King Kuei stated as he held her. "I might as well know what's coming to me."
"I…I'm not sure how I would do it," Azula answered. It was actually the truth. The thought of killing him repulsed her. She tried to push it out of her mind as much as she possibly could. The last thing she wanted was to ruminate over the details.
"Really? I find that hard to believe. Come on, give it some thought. Just for fun, how do you think you would do it?"
Azula turned toward him in the bed. He was grinning from ear to ear; he looked positively giddy, and as always, completely unafraid. "Homicide is your idea of fun too?" she asked disbelievingly.
"Of course, just because I don't engage in certain acts doesn't mean I don't think they would be fun." He brought her hand to his lips and kissed it, never breaking their shared gaze.
Azula blushed lightly. Something told her he wasn't' just talking about homicide.
"Do you want to know how I would kill you?" he asked her.
Azula's blush deepened. She nodded.
"Very well then," Kuei acquiesced. "I'd push you off a cliff."
"Wouldn't work," Azula said with a fair amount of satisfaction, and she turned away from him so that they were spooning again. "I can firebend and fly short distances. Ask Zuzu, he tried that already."
"Hmmm, what if I strangled you?" And as he spoke he slid his left hand up her neck, gently stroking the pulse there.
Azula gulped. "It might work, but I have a nasty habit of coming back to life when I shouldn't. You Majesty should stab me."
"Stab you? That's a little messy, isn't it?"
"Yes, but if you Your Majesty stabbed me, then you could exsanguinate me. That way I cannot avoid death. I told you," she craned her head to look him in the eye, "I have a nasty habit of doing that."
Kuei nuzzled against the side of her head and whispered into her ear "What you call a nasty habit, Dearest, I call a fortunate one. There's no one on this earth whose hand I would rather die at than yours."
"Sire," a member of the King's guard, who had been watching the couple in the corner of the room for safety, put his hand on Kuei's shoulder, interrupting the tryst. "The Firelord and Avatar Aang have arrived, along with the Bison Lord's therapist."
Kuei nodded in acknowledgement, then kissed the crown of her head. "It seems I'm needed, Dearest." He got out of the bed and strode to the door. Bosco ambled after him.
Azula sat up and frowned at him. "And why can't I come? That's my brother and therapist, you know."
Kuei smiled at her. "I'll bring Zuzu and Unarqa to you after they've had some refreshments. Dr. Ping wishes you to stay here for the time being until your disease is more under control. Not to worry, though Dearest," He winked at her, "General Fong is trying to convince him otherwise."
Kuei blew her a kiss before shutting the door.
Someone else blew her a kiss also. Someone wearing Fire Nation royal dress who was standing in the corner and had been standing in the corner for the past few mornings, watching the lovers. "He's right you know," Sozin said, "we are going to have to figure out how to kill him."
Suddenly Azula saw Dominatia rear up beside her and prostrate herself between Azula and the wall.
It took a second or so for Azula to catch onto what was happening to her beloved Bison. Once she did, Azula still didn't get it 100% right. "You can see him too? Oh Dominatia, don't' worry! Your hallucinations are brought on by alcohol withdrawal, not schizophrenia; they'll go away soon."
Dominatia was alone with her Lord that morning. The other three bison had gone out for a flight, and she was glad for that fact. She looked at Azula, dumbfounded, and then smacked her to the ground. She growled various bison obscenities and frustrations before pulling Azula protectively into the crook of her arm. Her teeth remained bared at the wall.
"Congratulations on quitting by the way…" Azula managed as her bison tried to squeeze the stupid of her.
Meanwhile, Sozin continued to stare.