BPOV
I could still hear Alice bitching when I hung up on her.
"E, the limo has been waiting for a half hour," Burly, linebacker, security guy shouted from the other side of the door.
"On our way, Em." Edward called out.
I was still searching the room for my panties.
Where the hell did those fuckers get to?
They should've been by my boots, but they were pulling a fucking David Copperfield on my ass.
"What are you looking for?" Edward questioned, running his hand through his hair.
"My virginity. I think I lost it in here a few minutes ago." I responded straightfaced.
He turned white as a fucking sheet. I thought he was going to pass out.
I busted up laughing. That look was almost better than his sex face. Almost.
"Don't worry your pretty peen head. You're about seven years too late to be the holder of my V-card."
"Fucking hell Bella! You scared the shit out of me."
"Just keeping you on your toes Cullen," I replied, still feeling like I was on some panty theft edition of Punk'd.
He let out a noisy breath behind me, impatient. "Bella, I have to go."
"So, go!" I told him, bending over to look under his bed and to give him a peek.
He chuckled and leaned over me. My black lace thong was swinging off his finger, dangling in my face.
Fucker.
I tried to snatch it from him but he bunched them up in his hand quickly, keeping them just out of reach.
"Give me those," I demanded, reaching for them again.
"No! Keeping these is like driving my fucking victory lap."
I rolled my eyes, "We just fucked. You didn't win Daytona."
"Felt like it," he muttered.
"What?" Please tell me he was not getting sentimental.
"Nothing. I need to leave," he shoved my thong into his front suit pocket.
"You're not seriously going to walk into the Beverly with my panties in your pocket?
"Oh, yes I am."
Well, at least my panties were making it onto a carpet instead of covering up the landing strip that was left of mine. My panties had moved up faster in the world in fifteen minutes then I had in the last four years.
I had fucking thong envy.
"Whatever. Keep them, jerk off with them, use them as a gag. I really don't give a shit," I said getting my purse and slipping on my boots.
"I was going to keep them without your permission," he replied smugly.
Oh that bullshit was not going to fly.
I bit my lip and shifted on my feet and started twirling my hair a little bit, just to give that air of naïve little girl
"I guess this is a bad time to tell you that I'm not on any type of birth control," I responded, batting my eyelashes and pouting just a little bit.
I could smell the fear rolling off of him and his green eyes widened considerably. It took everything I had not to fucking laugh.
"Bella, um..shit..." he craned his neck towards the window and started rubbing it.
I lost it then. "Are all actors as gullible as you?" I laughed.
"That's not fucking funny!" he yelled.
"It's a little funny," I chimed, "besides, I didn't see you offering to suit up for the game there, Slugger."
I grinned at my inside joke. Shut up. It was funny and you fucking know it.
"Not that it's any of your business, but I didn't have anything to suit up in."
My jaw dropped for like the third time that day. "You're telling me Edward Cullen, Hollywood playboy, seen with a different woman every week is completely out of rubbers?"
"Yeah, well don't go spreading that around," he muttered to the ground.
What the fuck was this? Something wasn't adding up, but I decided to let it pass.
"So, you're covered right? I mean not that we could do anything about it now but..." he trailed off.
Who was this person and where was the real Edward Cullen? He was acting like a scared little boy.
"Yes. I'm covered like Ft. Knox with trained assassins and snipers at the front. Should I be worried?"
I turned the question back on him. "About what?" he asked exasperated.
"Like if you just passed me a raging case of gonorrhea or herpes. I'd like to schedule my visit to the free clinic quick and I'd have come up with a classy alias to use."
"What kind of demented person do you think I am?"
"Jesus, relax it's just a fucking joke. You on the rag or something?"
He tried to hide his smile, "I just don't want you reading all that shit and thinking that..."
A booming knock came again. "If you're not out here in three seconds I'm going to drag you out dressed or not," security guy's voice bellowed.
"Better go superstar. Sounds like the natives are getting restless."
He smiled and nodded. Opening the door and guiding me out of it.
Edward followed me down the stairs. No doubt checking out my ass again. I wondered if his obsession with it had gotten better or worse since he'd actually touched it?
I smirked. Worse. I could just feel his gaze burning holes in my thinly veiled ass.
Big, burly, security guy was standing by the front door with his head bowed.
He looked familiar and not just from earlier. "Have I met you before?" I questioned him.
"Yeah, I was the one who let you in," he informed me bashfully, looking anywhere but at my face.
Obviously he had heard us. What a fucking child. Like I'm sure he hasn't heard those noises coming from that room like a million times.
"Look! Edward might have fucked me senseless, but not stupid. I meant you look familiar from somewhere else."
Edward introduced us then. "Bella Swan, my body guard and brother-in-law, Emmett McCarty."
"Nice to meet you," he offered meekly, still not really looking at me.
"You too," I said not offering my hand, being that he probably wouldn't take it. "So you're Rosalie's husband?"
"Yeah," He smiled and relaxed a bit. "I'm her better half."
"So why don't you do security for her?"
It was a fair fucking question. You'd think he'd want to guard his wife from all the pervs who tried to cop of feel of those double-D milk jugs.
"I do. Sometimes. But she says I get on her nerves. She said she'd rather take a bullet than have to deal with my ass for too long."
I shrugged. "I guess I could see that. You'd probably get on my nerves too."
Though my vag is now indebted to you for life for allowing me access to the all-star peen.
"I can see why you like her E. She's a spitfire," Emmett joked.
Edward gave Emmett a glare of warning and started ushering us out the door. "And she screams like a fucking porn star," Emmett added, laughing behind us.
Edward shook his head "Shut the fuck up Emmett."
"Only when warranted," I replied, flashing a sexy grin at Edward. He raised his eyebrow and gave me a half smile. As if to say, "you're fucking welcome."
"And who the hell says I'm not one?" I shot back at Emmett.
"Because your tits are too small there Jenna J," he joked back.
"But they're real," Edward whispered into my ear. I smiled, but was kind of concerned by the little gestures he'd been making.
"Hers are too now," I whispered back. He gave me a how-the-fuck-do-you-know-that look. I rolled my eyes.
"She's so fucking yesterday," I started in on Emmett, "Amateur porn is the highest grossing branch of that industry. I could be hosting a nightly web show of me finger fucking myself and I'd be a god damned millionaire. Jameson tits or not."
Edward growled. I'm not sure if the mental image pissed him off or excited him. Emmett just put a hand over his mouth and tried to muffle his laughter. He started punching Edward in the shoulder.
Fucking boys. Didn't matter how old they got, they were still fucking juvenile when it came to some shit.
I started walking over to my car. My baby. My Cooper-S convertible with the chili red paint job and the bitchin' custom rims. The complete sport package, GPS, Sirius and a custom license plate reading
BMS 13. The top was down but it was black. I almost never put it up, unless on the rare day it rained, cause momma was havin' none of that on her leather seats.
"Nice ride," Edward commented, snickering.
"I know you are not hating on Coop," I said throwing my shit in the back.
"Coop? You've named this travesty of a car? And not very originally, I might add."
"Hey Cullen, the license plate has a message for you," I told him. Getting in.
He stepped back and looked down. Looking over the letters confused, "Your initials?" He quizzed over the back seat. "What does the M stand for?"
"Me," I said simply.
His brow furrowed.
"Your middle name is 'Me'?"
"I didn't say they were my initials." Though they were, but Slugger didn't need to know that.
"What the hell does it stand for?"
I flashed him a wicked kiss-my-ass smile and started the engine. "Bite me shithead."
A huge fucking smile broke across his face and he headed of towards the limo. I had to turn around so I could go back through the gate, but the limo was still sitting there.
What the fuck? Weren't they late?
I revved Coop's engine and the back door of the limo swung open.
Edward stepped out and rounded around the trunk of the limo to my driver's door.
"You think of more mean things to say about my car?" I teased causally.
He shook his head. "Roll down your window."
Okay weirdo.
I did as he asked, still fucking confused. He leaned over the door and started kissing me. Not just kissing me, his tongue was practically fucking my mouth. I could swear he was imprinting cinnamon into the ridges of my teeth and on my tonsils. His hand went under my dress, and into my bra and copped of feel of my right tit and pinched the nipple before he pulled back and smiled the full on panty dropping smile.
I would have dropped mine had they not been in his pocket. I might have swooned a little bit.
I said might have.
Then he put on a shit eating grin and walked back towards the limo.
"What the fuck was all that about?" I yelled. Angry because he had started my fucking cooch car without taking her for a drive. Bitch does not like to be teased.
"Check your bra!" he called out, standing by the door of his stretch.
He fucking pulled an inception of my bra instead of my mind. There was a small piece of yellow paper shoved in it. It looked like a post-it note that was folded up.
I unfolded it. It only had two words printed on it.
Repeat performance?
And his number
The limo sped away then.
"Chicken Shit!" I screamed, as the driver peeled out.
Only in fucking "la la land" could this shit happen.
I went to his house to drop off an overpriced suit and he ended up leaving with my panties in the pocket of said suit.
I thought about his note the entire way back into work. I knew it was past five, but during award shows we always had some type of catered viewing event so we could watch the stylists' creations walk down the runway.
What. The. Fuck. Ever. I just wanted to get my eat on. I was fucking starving and the food was free.
I checked myself in Coop's mirrors. I looked ok. No major make up issues, not that I wore much. I brushed out my hair so it didn't have that telltale "I just got fucked up against a wall" rats nest at the back and returned the note back into my bra. He must've liked what he had in order to ask for more.
Right?
My vag nodded in agreement. Reminding me that I no longer had panties on. I knew she liked it.
I walked back into the heavy glass doors. A bunch of people were chatting in the hallway munching on different things. I felt like they were all staring at me. Like Emma Stone in Easy A when she shows up to school in that black bustier with the red 'A' she attached. Except, I was sans panties and felt like I had a huge fucking neon sign on my head that said "freshly fucked by E.C."
I strutted that fucking walk.
Boy I will be your sexy silk.
Wrap me around, round, round, round.
I'll be your pussy cat licking your milk right now down down down.
I should have been wearing my Ray Bands and that black titty booster.
I would have filled it better anyway...just saying.
I found my way to the food table and loaded up my plate. Before I could take a bite, the annoying little pixie came out from the conference room.
"Bella! You made it back!" She squealed.
I nodded. And practically swallowed a celery stick whole.
"Red Carpet Pre-Show started thirty five minutes ago!"
"And I care because?" I responded through limiting chewing.
"God Bella, could you please just for once pretend like you give shit about the industry. Or at least the clients."
"Sorry, Alice. I'll behave," I weakly apologized. I tore into a chicken wing.
She nodded. "The last time I talked to Tanya she said Edward still hadn't gotten there."
No, I would imagine not. He was too busy stuffing propositions into my titty cage.
"I dunno what to tell you Alice, I showed up and gave him the suit and left. I'm not responsible for anything other than that."
"How did he look?"
Did she not catch my earlier lie? Or was she just drunk on Globe?
"I told you before. I have no fucking idea. I didn't stay. He was acting like a total fucking dick."
You'll notice that most of that sentence was true. Except that his dick was totally fucking me.
My cooch jumped up and screamed Fucking suffer bitches!
I tore into my turkey wrap and started chugging some water. Alice was watching me strangely.
"We all know Edward can be temperamental," she said absently, still eyeing me.
"I thought you stopped at In-n-Out?" she asked, taking a sip of champagne.
Fuck. How did I get my ass out of this one?
"Oh God Alice! it was so disgusting! I don't even want to talk about it," I winced, trying to look sick.
"You love In-n-Out, Bella!"
Yes. I. Do. And the burger place isn't bad either * Doing a mental rimshot on my kick ass drum set
"I had just sat down when you called, but after we hung up, I lifted the top bun off to put mayo on, and there was a fucking band-aid in it!" I believably soured my face. Thank you Mr. Bennett for teaching me that little trick.
"Ewwwwwww!" Alice squeaked out like a girl.
I knew that shit would get to her.
"Did you at least complain? Did anyone get fired? Did you beat the hell out of someone?"
"It was just a burger," I shrugged. " I just pitched it and left. Obviously their quality has gone down."
"You didn't complain? At all?" she quizzed.
And this ladies and gentleman is where I should have lied through my fucking teeth, but I spaced.
I shook my head, "Not worth it."
Alice narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips, like she was trying to see my insides.
I put a huge cherry tomato in my mouth and looked away from her.
Shit Shit Shit.
I would have been raising hell at that place. I would have demanded to speak with the manager and thrown that fucking burger at the pimple faced kid who made it.
Alice's phone started to ring.
Damn you's a sexy bitch, a sexy bitch.
Damn you's a sexy bitch, damn, girl.
Thank you David G. and Akon for saving me from my epic fail fuck up.
"Tanya!" Alice answered so quick I didn't get to hear the rest of the chorus.
Time to quickly leave the building before I could put my foot any further in my mouth.
I was almost to the door. This fucking close.
"He is? He does?" Alice turned and caught me like a dear in motherfucking headlight stare. I think my eyes flashed gold.
"Bella! Get your ass over here!" she shouted.
No! goddammit-motherfucking-son-of-a-cumchugging-bitch.
I slinked back over to her, dreading what was coming. Because it wasn't nearly as good as Edward cumming, or me for that matter.
See? Even when I'm in trouble my dirty mind doesn't shut off.
"Bella! Tanya says that Edward Cullen just got to the Beverly and he looks fantastic in the Armani."
Yes. This I already knew.
"I'll tell her Tanya. We will. Okay, bye baby!" Alice giggled, hanging up.
"Bella. Everything must've gone better than you thought. She said Edward looks incredible and that he seems really happy and personable. She's crediting you with that."
I had to stop my eyes from popping out of my head.
She should be crediting my kegal toned vag with that.
"That's great Alice," I said, going to the door again. "I'm gonna go for the night, okay?"
"No Bella! You have to stay and watch this with me!" she whined. "I know he's an ass, but aren't you even a little curious?"
"Not the least little bit Alice."
Since the look wasn't nearly as appealing with his pants up.
She rolled her eyes. "Let's go Bella," she commanded, dragging me by the arm.
"Alice! Did you go deaf in the last six seconds? I fucking said 'No'!"
Demanding little pain in my ass. If she wasn't my boss I would have decked her.
I sat around in the chairs of the conference room. The huge flat screen was turned to the pre-show and a bunch of the interns were sitting around the table eating and talking about who had already been on and who was coming up next.
"Cullen should be coming up shortly," Alice yipped excitedly to the room. A bunch of the girls giggled and were making little squeaking noises.
That fucker doesn't come up short in any meaning of the word. My thoroughly stretched and satisfied cooch could verify that right now.
I felt like I was hiding a huge fucking secret and watching him walk on, in that suit, was just somehow going to out it to everyone. Like he was going to be wearing the same invisible sign, "I just got some pussy." Not that he didn't wear that sign all the time.
I felt the note in my bra poke me. What the fuck was I going to do?
"Ahhh! Oh My God! There he is!" one of the interns screamed out.
"Oh, Bella! Tanya was right! He looks fantastic!" Alice exclaimed. She clapped her hands and started bouncing up and down in her seat next to me.
I gave her a small disinterested smile.
"Do you see his hair?" one of the interns exclaimed. "He's got sex hair!"
He so fucking did. I internally ruffled my nails on the front on my shirt. My vag blew the smoke off her gun and grinned.
"That's funny, he kinda does," Alice acknowledged quietly.
I nervously bit my lip. Leave it to Alice to grow extraordinary perceptive since my return from Sluggers house.
He smiled that panty dropping smile, flashing those pearly whites for the cameras. I swear the blonde haired, horsed faced interviewer creamed herself.
"Oh Edward! Who are you wearing? Is that Armani?"
"Yes. It is indeed. Good eye, Caroline."
She blushed. "Well, thank you."
"So Edward, your fresh off your last film. Which was extraordinary by the way."
"Thank you. I appreciate that," he grinned.
Backstory: it was a film adaptation of a really wonderful novel. He seems to do a lot of those roles. Not that I had been paying attention.
"Do you have any projects lined up?" horse face prodded.
"A few. However, there's one I'm incredibly passionate about," he said tapping his pocket deliberately.
Oh. My. God. The panty pocket. Was he fucking talking about me?
"Oh, you have to dish doll," she grilled, slapping him playfully.
"I can't say too much about it, but after what seems like ages of back and forth, it appears I've finally convinced them how much I'd like to co-collaborate. Majority of the deal was sealed tonight actually. I'm just waiting for the final call back."
"Well, that sounds very exciting," she beamed.
"It definitely is to me," he said looking right at the camera.
He left the stage then and I checked the fuck out of my body.
I closed my eyes and shook my head a bit. That did not just happen. He did not just tell the world in so many words that he is excited about fucking me again. I was wavering between beating the shit out of him and wanting to call him right that minute.
"God, he looked so happy. Wonder what the hell got into him?" One of the interns started yammering like a valley girl.
"Maybe it was who he got into." The short blonde, Cassie quipped back.
And I giggled.
I. fucking. giggled.
Alice looked at me, narrowing her eyes. I put my hand over my mouth and didn't breathe or look directly at her, but I could see her out of the corner of my eye. She was piecing something together.
For the love of bat impersonating peens don't let her be figuring this shit out.
She started glancing at the TV and then at me and then back at the TV. With each pass her eyes got wider and so did her mouth.
Traitorous motherfucking giggle.
And then she let out a scream I thought only fucking dogs would be able hear.
I quickly covered her mouth, told the interns she was having a psychotic episode, and dragged her by her muffled mouth into her office.
A/N: Want to say a big THANK YOU for all those who reviewed/favorited/or subscribed to alerts for this! So what are you all thinking? I'm dying to know opinions:)
Thank you to all my girls who are shamelessly pimping me out I flove you!
Chapter 3 will be posted this Fri. then I imagine it will be a once a week update.
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