BPOV
The following day I sat in Alice's office and gave her a rundown of what had happened, except I gave her the PG-13 version. Her virgin ears couldn't have handled the NC-17 rated one.
"T.M.I. Bella!" she shrieked out, during my play by play.
"Fucking hell, Alice! All I said was 'Run by snatch tickle.' Have you always been this big of a prude?"
"I don't want details. It's bad enough to know it happened in my office," she shook her head.
"Oh, get the fuck over it will you? I've got bigger fucking problems to worry about than your softcore porn stage!" I exclaimed, waving my hand at the sparsely furnished office.
She pursed her lips and looked around. "Yes, it must be difficult to know that your pictures had such an effect on him, he came down here claiming he can't get enough of you!" she said sarcastically.
"He's addicted to my honey hole," I corrected her. "Well actually, he said pussy."
Tulip was not fucking amused.
"So? Yesterday just shows how weak he really is! You have all the control still."
"You are not in control!" Tulip barked. She sounded a little too much like Samuel L. Jackson for my liking. Bitch was starting to fucking lose it.
"Whatever. I really don't fucking care, if he still wants to pull his egomaniacal bullshit and is so hard up for a fucking phone call. He can keep on waiting."
"You're so stubborn!" Alice responded exasperated.
"You're the one who told me to put him on my fucking 'do not call list'! That's how this whole fucking thing started!" I yelled back at her.
"Which you did. And he sent you flowers."
"Yeah, telling me how much he enjoyed my Tulip," I muttered.
She rolled her eyes.
"Then you send him naughty pictures and he shows up here, and tells you he's addicted to your girlie bits. Sounds like he's seriously hard up."
"That makes no fucking sense. He's got a fucking line of pussy around the goddamned block."
"The forbidden fruit always tastes the sweetest Bella. You're denying him and he's not used to that. He's used to women just throwing themselves at him and breaking down his door. You're a challenge for him and he likes it."
"He seemed pretty pissed when he left yesterday Alice."
"Of course he was. He thought his gestures were going to make you cave and call him, and it didn't."
"And I'm still not going to. Maybe it's all for the fucking best. It was just a fuck and some teasing. I'm sure he'll be over it by the time SAG awards come around."
She gasped. "You're telling me you don't want to see him again?"
I knew my brain didn't want to see the twat teaser again. My actions over the last week and a half had been completely against my principles. I fucked the enemy. And then played head games with him. As fun as that was, I was still kind of horrified at the fuckery that I had involved myself in.
"Not unless he fucking begs. I'm not giving him that kind of power over me."
He fucking wanted me.
You fucking want him too you stubborn disillusioned masochist.
Goddammit! This is an A to B conversation, C your way the fuck out of it.
Stupid fucking subconscience.
Since I knew he didn't beg and I certainly wasn't going to dial those digits. The reunion of Tulip and Slugger just wasn't gonna happen.
Tulip got down on her fucking knees like a pathetic tramp, pointed to her pictures of Slugger, and blubbered like a bitch.
Sexy Silk
"I fucking hate this place Alice," I whispered over the table to her, while were sitting at Spago.
Spago.
Even the fucking name was pretentious. The spot where tourists hoped to rub their star-obsessed elbows with anyone they could meet. They scarfed down their overpriced, undersized portions of Wolfgang's au courant (Yes, I know this fucking phrase much to my chagrin) creations while the waiters bullshited about who was selling their fucking screenplay to the Weinstein brothers.
Alice had insisted I come to lunch with her. It was a Saturday, but because the fucking SAG's were the next day, I had to come in to work. It was fucking strange. Alice was is overdrive mode all week trying to get shit ready and plan with Jessica, Angela and Tanya about what they had in mind for different clients. Normally, the day before and the day of an award show, nobody left the office, let alone went out to lunch.
She glared at me and scrunched up her nose. "You needed to get out of the office. You haven't been acting like yourself for the last few days."
"I've been acting fine," I replied.
I knew that was a fucking lie. I was quiet. Between the award season rush-around and the bullshit I had gotten myself involved in on the night of the Globes, my inner bitch was too preoccupied to make an appearance. My outer bitch had to take over, and she's too fucking polite for her own good.
"Yes, which is strange for you. You didn't even make fun of Lauren when she came out of the bathroom with the front of her skirt completely soaked," Alice remarked taking a drink of her Pellegrino.
"What are you fucking talking about? I asked her if she had forgotten her fucking Depends and offered to go to the pharmacy and get her some," I snickered.
"Exactly. The Bella I know would have taken a picture with her phone and posted it on the internet, then told Lauren she's supposed to douche the inside of her cooch not the outside of her skirt."
I pulled my head back slightly and looked at Alice, in total disbelief. "Shit Alice. I think you've been hanging around me too long. You're picking this fucking force shit up way too quick. Are you gonna turn all Luke Skywalker on me and try to smite me down?"
"No way baby. You still have complete rule over Bitchland, it just seems lately that you've abdicated your throne."
No fucking way. I twirled my scepter, sat back in my throne and smacked my jester across the face.
And right on cue, as if someone was fucking trying to test my reign, fucking Edward Cullen walked in with some dolled up, leggy redhead.
"What the fuck is he doing here!" I shrieked at Alice.
The bitch was fucking back. And she was madder than hell.
I started bludgeoning the jester with my scepter.
She turned and looked, noticing that Edward and the voluptuous red head had been seated a few tables down. His back was turned to us.
So much for fucking heroin. That boy needs to share his fucking detox program with that Lohan chick. She'd be fully fucking recovered in a few days.
I was so calling his ass out on this. Then I was going to forget about his bullshit and move on with my life.
I pulled out his number from my purse.
Yes, I still fucking had it. Though now when I was done, I was going to give it to the obsessed bitches who led his fucking fan club so they could call him incessantly until he changed his number.
I texted him a quick message. I could hear Alice asking me what I was doing, but I ignored her ass.
Apparently your fucking detox went well. Is a redhead like Crystal Meth or more of an LSD?
I hit send and slammed my phone down.
Why the fuck do you care? It's not like you wanted to see him again anyway.
It's not like you gave him a fucking choice.
He could have begged. He knew my terms. He couldn't have wanted it that fucking badly.
Shit. I was sitting here having a one sided conversation with myself. No more watching Fight Club before bed. Though I still wanted to go fucking Tyler Durden on that bullshitting motherfucker.
You should have known better than to believe his fucking bullshit anyway.
"What did you just do?"Alice asked me as the waiter came over.
He passed out Alice's salad and my soup, smiling with some fucking fake smile he must have picked up at the learning annex's free drama workshop. He was fucking ogling my girls while he did it. I glared at him and then turned stiffly away.
Get a clue you fucking douche and stop looking at my tits before I wipe that smile off your face and make you one testicle lighter.
"I texted the asshole and asked him what his fucking drug of choice was this week," I informed Alice opening my crackers.
The place was suddenly extremely crowded, it's like he brought people in with him.
"Please tell me didn't just do that!" Alice begged, glancing over her shoulder. Edward looked at his phone then and the redhead waved to Alice.
What the fuck?
"Who's your friend there Alice? Are you trying to make friends with everyone that twat teaser fucks? Your number of Facebook friends is already off the fucking charts!" I stated, stirring my soup and starting to blow on it.
Alice looked back to me. "Edward is staring over here now!" she smacked my hand, ignoring my question.
Tulip perked up and so did my subconscious.
"So fucking what?" I responded, not looking up.
"You really shouldn't have done that," Alice chastised, peeking behind her shoulder. I joined her in a brief glimpse. Edward had turned back around and it looked like he was messing with something.
"Why the fuck not? I was perfectly polite. I wanted to see if he went with an upper this time."
Who even makes that fucking kind of analogy anyway? Who does he think he is John Mayer?
"Because she's his agent, not his flavor of the month, " Alice giggled.
"And how the fuck would you know that?"
"Victoria and I have known each other forever," she answered causally, stabbing into her salad.
Some form of fuckedupedness was going on, but I couldn't put my finger on exactly what.
My phone vibrated hard against the table.
Damn. I should think of a more vag central location to store that thing. It seems like such a waste of vibration for it just to be sitting there.
He responded back. This should be fucking interesting.
I wouldn't know. I haven't had the pleasure. She's not my type and I'm certainly not hers.
"What's going on?" Alice quizzed, scared. I waved her off and started typing back.
What? The playboy has a type? I just figured if it had an ass, some tits, and a muff -it was fair game.
He looked up to me and smiled. Then looked back down and started typing again.
Buzz.
She prefers the company of other muffs.
No fucking way.
Lesbian?
Buzz
With a capital fucking L.
I laughed. He couldn't be serious, but I still wanted to mess with him.
Aww... Too bad kimosabee. You should get pointers for your next conquest.
He looked up and frowned at me.
I don't need fucking pointers. Let me demonstrate?
He smirked at me from across the restaurant and raised his eyebrow.
I rolled my eyes and started typing again.
Who says I'm not getting a clit lick right now?
The waiter came over and asked us if everything was alright and ogled my titties again before turning away.
Buzz
Because I'm not under the table.
Tell the waiter, if he fucking looks at your chest again, I'm going to end up in jail and he's going to spend the next six weeks with his jaw wired shut.
Did he just threaten to break the waiter's jaw? Tulip was pulling on my skirt and licking her lips.
Jealous? I guess I shouldn't tell you the valet kid is underneath the table eating at the y.
Buzz
You're full of shit.
I glanced at him from under my lashes and glared at him.
Am I? I think I could make it fucking believable.
He looked back to me, raised his brows expectantly and sat there waiting and wearing a "you don't have the fucking guts" grin.
Fine. I'll give the doubting fucker a show that he'll fucking dream about.
I ran my tongue over my lips, closed my eyes and took my spoon and sucked on it like it was a fucking blow pop.
Except, I knew it wasn't fucking gum inside his candy stick. Slugger was going to be busting out with something sweet and sticky though.
Then, as I slowly let the spoon slip back out of my mouth and over my bottom lip, I let out a moan that would make people think I was getting a good tongue bath underneath the table.
Meg Ryan may have been able to fake an orgasm, but I could fake a fuckawesome muff dive.
He narrowed his eyes and swallowed hard.
That's right fucker. Enjoy this little bit 'cause it's the last fucking show you're going to get from me.
I ran my hand through my hair and leaned back a little. "MMMMmmmm... This is so ahhhhmazing," I moaned out loudly and gripped the table with my spoon in hand.
"Bella! People are starting to stare!" Alice yelped, and started slinking in her seat.
I gave her my "I so don't give a shit smile". The more the merrier.
"Mmmmm...I just," I panted, "didn't know it could be this...unnfff...good," I gasped out.
Alice, sank even further down in her chair. More people started murmuring and pointing.
I faked one more extremely loud moan and threw my head back and panted. My chest heaving.
He was fucking drooling. He made Coojo look like he had a little spittle.
Alice kicked me under the table and gave me that "if you keep this up your ass is shit-canned" look.
I sat up a bit and looked around at the staring diners. "I'm so sorry," I started my fake apology, "Who knew the onion soup would be that orgasmic?"
Everyone was still staring, and a few people were laughing.
I pouted my lips and smacked them together a couple of times before my eyes caught his and I winked at him, blew him a pouty air kiss, and then flipped him the fuck off.
A few of the blue hairs gasped. I had a couple of wolf whistles, a standing ovation, and I thought our waiter was going to have a fucking heart attack.
I looked back over to Edward and he was laughing and so was the redhead. Most everyone else had turned around and resumed their scarfing.
My phone buzzed again.
Is that an offer?
I pouted my lips, shifted the girls so they were front and center, pulling down my shirt just enough to give him a hint of my red strapless bra and mouthed three little words.
You fucking wish.
The corner of his lips curved up in half smile and his hands ran through his hair as he turned back to Victoria.
I sent him one last text.
You know what I want to hear.
I excused myself to go the restroom and to make sure he got a good look of my ass. After I took care of business, I finger brushed through my hair and checked myself out in the huge mirror. I looked pretty damn put together for someone who just put on the performance of a lifetime.
I should have been a fucking drama major. I want my Oscar now.
*crocodile tears* *dabs eyes* I'd like to thank God, The Academy, and my mom for blessing me with righteous fucking titties and no fucking shame.
I opened the bathroom door completely prepared to walk back into the restaurant to make him suffer a little more, when a pair of strong arms reached out from behind me and grabbed me around the waist.
I thought for a split second I was going to have to start pulling out my limited Kung Fu moves, but then I smelled the cinnamon and felt a familiar set of lips on my neck.
"You were seconds away from having an elbow to your sternum, Cullen," I told him in a steady voice, despite the adrenaline that was coursing through me.
"That was an epic fucking performance," he complimented, running his mouth over my neck.
"What do you want?" I managed to ask, though I already knew.
"You know what I want," he responded, grinding a rock hard Slugger into my ass.
"I didn't hear the magic words," I reminded him.
He sighed against my neck. "Please Bella," he whispered.
Holy shit.
"What? I didn't quite hear you," I prodded, pressing right back into him. I knew I was pushing my luck, but this was too good of an opportunity.
He turned me around, his green eyes blazing. "I already said it once, I won't say it again," he cautioned, with a sharp edge to his hushed voice. I started eyeing him, trying to decide if this is what I really wanted. His initial question ringing in my head.
I could practically hear Tulip pleading, not that she hadn't already made her desire known. The bitch was already setting up for Sluggers upcoming return to the batter's box.
He looked around the empty hallway and decided I had taken long enough to respond to his half assed attempted at begging. He skimmed his lips over mine and then dove in for the kill. His tongue thrust into my mouth, darting all over the place like he fucking owned it.
I pulled my mouth away, "Is this your idea of begging?" I teased.
"I'm not begging. You called me first," he smiled and ran his hand up my thigh and pulled me against him, I groaned and closed my eyes when the tip of him met my sweet spot.
"I texted. There's a difference," I corrected, breathlessly. I grabbed his ass and shoved my tongue energetically into his mouth and my other hand into his hair.
He pulled back this time. "Fucking semantics," he puffed out. He was resting his forehead on mine.
"Meet me," he pleaded, opening his eyes.
"Where?" I asked. It's not like we could just go outside together. The paps would have a fucking field day.
"The parking lot next to the Beverly?" he offered.
I laughed, "Seriously?" It was only like a half mile away and the place was practically deserted when there wasn't anything going on.
He nodded his eyes were filled with lust and affection. Affection? My stomach flipped.
What. The. Fuck. Was. That?
"I'll park on the edge of the back lot by the trees," he relayed, taking a deep breath
He gave me a cinnamon seared kiss and took off out the back.
I sprinted back through the dining room and got to my table quick. Fucking Flo Jo couldn't have caught my ass. I noticed Victoria was now sitting with Alice and they were whispering as threw my phone in my purse and threw some money on the table.
"Everything alright, Bella?" Alice asked giggling.
Peachy-fucking-keen.
"Uh, fine, gotta go."
"Why? What's going on?"
I'm overdue for a Grand Slam and I'm not talking about the fucking Denny's breakfast.
"Something came up. I'll be late coming back to work," I told her, walking away.
Both of which were totally fucking true.
"Tell Edward I said 'Hi'," Alice called. I whipped my head back and glared at her.
She and Victoria were busting up laughing. They were in on this shit together. I had been played like a fucking PS3, and presumably so had Edward. I didn't know whether to thank them or smack up their pretty faces, but it was going to have to wait.
"Bitches," I yelled out before exiting. I would deal with their co-conspiring asses later.
I got smart this time and discretely took off my panties and threw them in my glove box. I wasn't going to need those soaked fuckers anyway, and I didn't want to sacrifice another pair.
Coop's tires squealed as I whipped out of the parking lot and down Wilshire Blvd. The way I was driving down that road I could have been a stunt driver for the Italian Job. My name should have been fucking Stella. I would have driven over motherfucking stairs, and into train tunnels too, in order to get to that lot.
My iPod was playing Paramore and it echoed in the car as I drove like a bat out of hell.
Whoa, I never meant to brag
But I got him where I want him now
Whoa, it was never my intention to brag
To steal it all away from you now
But God, does it feel so good
'Cause I got him where I want him now
And if you could then you know you would
'Cause God, it just feels so
It just feels so good
Tulip was fucking throwing a ticker-tape parade, complete with confetti and Slugger shaped balloons, in anticipation.
I drove into the parking lot, towards the trees that were actually on the other side of the fence for the L.A. Country Club. I had no idea what fucking car he was in. I scanned the fence quickly, that's when I saw him leaning up against a black Aston-Martin Vanquish.
I laughed as I pulled in next to him.
"Very inconspicuous," I mocked, when he met me at Coop's door.
"You know what Handsome Rob says,' There's not a lot a girl won't do in the passenger seat of one of these things,'" he justified, climbing in the passenger seat of the Vanquish grinning and leaning the seat back.
So he had seen that movie. I wondered if he could pull off a British accent a la Jason Statham. I shook my head. All that pretty and a British accent would be too much to fucking handle. I hoped I wouldn't accidentally scream out Rob this time.
"Let's find out," I offered, getting in and straddling him as I closed the door.
The car was still running and the music was still pumping through the speakers.
Am I more than you bargained for yet?
He crossed his arms and pulled his shirt over his head, exposing every built line of his chest and abs.
I ripped off my shirt and threw it in the back, while he undid his pants and boxers and slid them down over his hips, throwing me slightly off balance. Slugger had been sprung and was on fucking high alert.
"Are you sure you want to fuck in your car?" I asked, trying to steady myself.
"Bella, I would have fucked you in the middle of Spago, but I didn't want pictures of your pussy all over the net tonight," he explained wrenching up my bra, and going to work on my tities.
We're going down down in an earlier round
and sugar we're going down swinging
I didn't fucking care. If it's good enough for Britney it's good enough for me.
I lifted up my skirt and moved myself over him, my knees wedged into the fold of the seat. I lowered myself on to him, taking on all of him in one fluid motion, my pelvis slamming into his.
I'll be your number one with a bullet.
A loaded God complex cock it and pull it.
"Mother of fuck, Bella," he groaned, loudly over my moan of pleasure.
I licked around his chest through his little patch of chest hair and teased his nipples with my teeth while I rode him like a fucking pro, even with the limited space.
Tulip was squeeing, like she'd just been followed back on Twitter by someone famous. She caught Slugger in a death grip, and threatened him with violence if he ever left again.
I'm just a notch in your bedpost, but you're just a line in a song.
"Is this what you fucking wanted?" I quizzed cockily.
"Fuck yes," he grunted out, gripping my hips.
I was working him slow, enjoying the view of him underneath me completely under my power, my tits bouncing along with the motion of my hips. I licked up his neck, along his adam's apple and around his jaw, letting him almost slip out of me entirely before slamming back down onto him.
He let out another hoarse moan. "Jesus fucking Christ."
I started moving faster gripping his hair. He opened his eyes. Fucking smoldering deep green. The same look from last time flashed in his eyes.
"Do you know how incredible you look riding my cock?" he asked through staggered breaths.
I could barely think or speak, I was already starting to round home. "Tell me," I breathed out.
"So... fucking... beautiful," he affirmed forcefully in between my movements.
He started circling my clit with his thumb and it immediately sent me over the edge. I continued riding him through my orgasm and I was barely aware that he had cussed a fucking blue streak while he came. I was too busy screaming in octaves that I'm sure could have sung backup for Mariah.
I collapsed against him, still breathing heavily.
"God we have to do that again," I said into his chest, thoughtlessly.
Fucking shit Tulip! Stop throwing your voice!
"I was hoping you'd say that," he replied and lightly kissed my forehead.
He still wanted to tap this? I just didn't fucking understand it. Tulip looked at me and asked if I was stupid, before smiling and doing a cartwheel.
We got ourselves untangled, found our shirts and straightened everything out before we got out of his car.
Tulip was snoring with a fucking smile across her lips.
He walked me over to Coop and I opened the door.
He stopped me from getting in by grabbing my hand. "When can I see you again?" he asked, timidly.
Tulip sat straight up in her bed and screamed "whenever the fuck he wants!"
"That depends on if you can keep your mouth shut. I don't want your fellow leading men thinking they can start passing around a sign-up list."
He glared at me for my comment and then relaxed again, "I'll keep my mouth shut," he confirmed.
"Can you?" he challenged. "I think a few people would be interested to know that you just fucked me in my car."
I rolled my eyes and pulled my hand away. "Oh, you mean I shouldn't sell my story to E!"
We both laughed and he grabbed my hand again. "Alice already knows." I confessed.
"So does Victoria," he confided.
"I figured that out when I left. She and Alice were yucking it up at the table."
"I thought as much," he sighed heavily. "Obviously Emmett knows, so I'm sure Rose does too."
"So, we know we won't talk, but Alice is a fucking chatty bitch. I might have to put a muzzle on her for a while. Hannibal Lecter style."
He chuckled. "You still didn't answer my question. When can I see you again?"
I smiled wide and let go of his hand. "As soon as you call me, Slugger," I told him smirking.
"Slugger?" he questioned, his forehead scrunched up.
I let my eyes linger on his crotch. He gave me a wide smile and stepped closer and placed a tender kiss on my lips, his eyes staying on mine for a beat longer than necessary. My stomach flipped again.
Must be the nasty Spago crap turning around in there.
He starting going back to the Vanquish and I called after him. "Don't you wanna know what I call mine?"
He smiled widely and opened his door, "It's Tulip," he confirmed knowingly over the roof.
I smiled and got into Coop. As he drove away, I reviewed my new situation and the rule that went along with it.
The first and only rule of fucking Edward Cullen is you don't talk about fucking Edward Cullen.
A/N: Just an FYI: The lot where B&E got their freak on has a parking structure and tons of cars and is supposed to be sporting some new condos or something soon, but this is fiction so I ask for leniency.
I have nothing against Spago...Bella does, so take it up with her.
As always a huge thanks goes out to twopeas (my awesomesauce beta) and her wicked skills cause w/o her this would be a huge mess. :) And to everyone who has been reviewing and or reading or tweeting me with love- I appreciate it tremendously!
I don't know how much longer I'll put the movie references, but here goes nothing.
Movies References: The Negotiator (1998, F. Gary Gray)
The Italian Job (2003, F. Gary Gray)
Fight Club ( 1999, David Fincher)
When Harry Met Sally (1989, Rob Reiner)
I think there was a few others, but those were the main ones.
Oh, and I have a new blog up for S.S. and E.R. Jsyk: jlho stands for Jelly Lovin' Hoor. (lmao)
http:/jellylovinhoor(dot)blogspot(dot)com/
I'll try to put the teasers up there in addition to sending them out to those who review:)
Reviews make my heart feel super happy. (Kai Lan rocks j/s)
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