Rick in the Night
By
UCSBdad
Disclaimer: I even asked my wife. I do not own Castle. Rating: K. Time: Later in Season Six.
"It's midnight and I'm still wide awake." Kate said as the credits on the TV screen rolled.
"Duh! You were up all last night on a case and when you finally got home at 9 AM, you were still so wired on coffee and adrenaline, I couldn't get you to bed until nearly noon."
"You could have gotten me in bed if you really wanted to." Kate teased.
"To sleep. You needed to sleep. And now we're still up watching my old movie DVDs. How did you like that one?"
"I remember watching it on TV years ago. I didn't like it them. But now…"
"I know. Alexis and I have watched it a million times. Not bad for 1939."
"I shudder to think what it'd be like if they made it today."
Castle laughed. "The Munchkins would be zombies, Dorothy would be a hot babe in skin tight leather, armed to the teeth, Toto would be a genetically enhanced wolf…"
"Young girl goes to a strange land, kills a woman, meets up with three bizarre strangers to kill again." Kate said with a laugh.
Rick looked at her seriously. "And I know who you identify with in this."
"And I know who you identify with."
"Tell me."
Kate shook her head. "You first."
"You're Dorothy. Off with her three partners to right the wrongs in Oz. Beware, witches, Detective Kate Gale is on your tail. Or should that be t-a-l-e?"
"You always were about the story."
"And who do I identify with?"
"Obvious. You're the wizard. The man behind the screen making everything happen. Find that clue, Nikki. Undress her, Rook. Get that confession, Heat. Write that article, Jameson. You're easy Castle."
He smiled at her. "Maybe not as easy as you think. I'm actually torn between two characters."
"Oh, here's the complex Castle. Do I need to peel the layers away?"
"I love it when you talk dirty, Detective Beckett."
She laughed. "Tell me then. Who else do you identify with, besides the wizard?"
"The Cowardly Lion."
"Kate nodded. "Okay. The lion is funny and he's not a cop. I can see that."
"That's your take?"
Kate shook her head. "Not at all. I don't get you associating yourself with the Cowardly Lion at all."
"It reminds me of what my cowardice in the past has nearly cost me."
Kate looked at Rick. He was being serious, she thought. But she didn't understand the reference to cowardice. "It must be something before you met me, then. You're no coward, Castle."
"Oh, but I am, Beckett."
"No, I've seen you face death in gunfights, bombs, beating up professional killers to save me. No, I don't see any cowardice in you. What happened?"
"Remember when we first started working together, I got an offer to write a series of three James Bond books? I sat down and made a list. James Bond or Nikki Heat? First was financial. Bond was a world-wide franchise, there wouldn't be just books, but possibly movie scripts, promotional tie ins, the financial side was better than anything Nikki could match. There was fame. Sure, I'm well known as the author of the Derrick Storm series and Nikki Heat, but Bond? That would put me on a whole different level. Then there was personal. My dad, although I didn't know it, handed me Casino Royale at the NY Public Library. That started me reading, really reading a lot. And when I read, I gradually said to myself, "I could write." The very start of my writing career was a Bond book."
"And for the Nikki Heat books?" Kate asked, getting more and more curious.
"Detective Kate Beckett."
"And…?" Kate asked,
"That was it. What was fame and fortune compared to the remarkable Kate Beckett? It was no contest. Nikki won and Bond lost."
Kate crawled up into Rick's lap and kissed him. "That is so very sweet, but where does the cowardice come in?"
"I wanted to tell you that I wanted to continue our partnership and do another book at the Heat Wave launch party, but I knew you'd be mad, and I made a mess of it. I wanted to tell you again when we were in the hotel where Mrs. Talbot lived, but I was too afraid of your reaction to get it out right. I just sat there hoping for a miracle and one arrived. And you were furious with me."
Kate nodded. "I was furious because I wanted you to stay because you liked me, not because it would be good for your writing career. I thought you didn't care for me. Going through your agent made it seem like I was some sort of afterthought. A clause in the contract: Arrange for me to shadow female detective. You do know I loved the Nikki Heat book and I wanted you to stay, right?"
"Yeah, I know now. But not then."
"If that's all there was…" Kate began.
"Oh, we haven't even gotten started on the depths of my cowardice. Do you remember when you started dating Demming?"
Kate assumed a puzzled frown. "Demming? Demming? The name does sound vaguely familiar."
"I should have told Demming and you that I was interested and that I was prepared to fight for you. Instead, I did nothing."
"You did invite me to the Hamptons."
Rick nodded. "I should have told you that I was doing more than being the generous author to his muse. I should have told you that you intrigued me, fascinated me and that I wanted to know you better. No funny stuff, I just wanted to be with you. And then I showed up with Gina. My God, what was I thinking? I was married to her before. I mean it's not like I didn't know what she was like. Later, Esposito told me you had broken up with Demming to go to the Hamptons with me. I couldn't have felt worse. When I came back to the city, I should have called you at once. But I was afraid to."
"Why?"
"I had visions of running into Mr. and Mrs. Demming, their three lovely children and their dog, Spot Demming. I couldn't face it."
Kate smiled. "Three children? Over the summer? Are you sure that when you had that certain chat with Alexis about sex, that she didn't confuse you? Give you some bad information?"
Rick shook his head. "When you told me you'd broken up with him, I should have said something to you. My relationship with Gina was already in its inevitable death spiral. But I was afraid."
"Rick…" Kate began.
He held up his hand. "Let me finish. It gets worse from here. Next was Doctor Motorcycle Boy. I wanted to tell you that you had two suitors, if you wanted me. But you looked so damned happy with Josh, I was sure you'd just tell me to get the hell out of your private life. Probably tell me to get out of your life entirely. So, I did nothing."
Kate kissed him softly. "Before you get too upset, please do remember I love you and no one else."
"I know. But next comes my two biggest screw ups. Richard Castle, the Wizard of Bad Timing, tells the woman he loves that he loves her after she's been shot. Then, when you said you didn't remember anything of it, I still did nothing. Oh, I don't mean I should have told you that first day there in the hospital, but after you broke up with Josh, I should have said something. You know, "Hey, Kate, I'm in like with you." Or something.
"Castle…" Rick put his hand up to stop her again.
"Then I finally told you I loved you to your face. When I told you about Smith and the deal Montgomery made. You were furious. Okay, you had a right to be. But what I did was unforgiveable. I walked away from you. You were facing a conspiracy that was trying to kill you and I just walked away from you. I left you facing death without me. I will never forgive myself for doing that. Never."
"You were told to go, remember? I told you to leave. I said we were over." Kate said softly.
"Yeah, like you telling me something ever stopped me before."
"Are you done?"
Rick nodded.
"Okay, my turn. For four years you dealt with a badly damaged, very fragile woman who could hardly function as anything but a cop. I wasn't capable of responding to you on an emotional level. But I'll tell you one thing, Richard Castle, you didn't have to tell me that you loved me that day at the cemetery. I knew long before that you loved me. Just as I knew that I loved you. You call what you did cowardice? I call it love. Every day you came in with coffee for me, you smiled at me and made me smile and you made me happy and you intrigued me with your bizarre theories. And every day you did that, I knew that I was loved and that I had a man I could love in return once I had sorted out my very many problems. And I do love you. Very soon I will be your wife, and then the mother of your children, and I will love you till the end of our days. And the man I love is a very brave man.
"Wow!" Rick said softly.
"And let me tell you about my fears. I have been terrified of losing you for years. I knew we were friends and partners and I left it at that. I could have told you how much I care for you. I could have said, "Rick, I love you." I could have held your hand, hugged you, kissed you, or done a thousand thinks to let you know how I felt. But there was always this tiny fear in the back of my mind that you really didn't care for me that way and that's I'd lose what we had. And that fear is still there. Even now, with the wedding date set, my dress bought, the venue booked, and everything else, there is still this tiny fear that one day you'll suddenly realize that you're Rick Castle and that I'm just a cop. And I'll be banished forever from the Wonderful Wizardly World of Rick Castle and be sent back to Auntie Em, Kansas, and a black and white life. Nothing could be more horrible to me. You have no idea, Rick."
"Oh, I do. For years I've been imagining I'd be sent off to Beckettless Land, the land of the Living Dead Dreams. That would be just as bad."
Kate giggled. "We should stay together then."
"Agreed."
"Becketless Land? Does it have zombies?"
"The brain eating zombies are in the nice parts. You don't want to know about the bad parts."
"Maybe you'd be saved by a hot looking babe in tight black leather?"
"With a genetically modified wolf the size of a horse? And a katana, a samurai sword?"
"Probably with a Glock. But with a sword as a backup. The babe would need a partner, you know.
"No, she'd need a husband and two partners. She'd need an ex-Special Forces cyborg with no heart, and a mythical Irish sprite who'd scare away animals with his brainless fashion sense."
"And her husband would be…"
"The Extremely Lucky Lion."
"You know, I think I'm ready for bed."
"Are you tired?
"Not yet."