The next time I woke up it was light out, the morning sun was sweeping through the slats of my blinds. My iHome was playing to wake me up.

Been there, done that, messed around.

I'm having fun don't put me down

I'll never let you sweep me off my feet.

So, I knew it was roughly nine am. I had the next two days off, and I was going to need them in order to deal with the situation that I currently found myself in.

"Morning beautiful," Edward murmured, while kissing my neck and tracing his fingers across my hip and ass.

Slugger was already awakened by morning revelry and was pressed firmly into my back.

"Hey," I greeted groggily. I felt his fingers trail up my stomach and I laughed and slapped his hand.

I hated being tickled.

"If you want to put those fingers to better use move them lower," I coerced, trying to guide his hand towards Tulip.

"I need a morning workout and this would bring a whole new meaning to the term 'finger exercises," Tulip yipped and put on her yoga pants.

"I think I like this reaction more," he admitted, tickling me again and throwing his leg over mine, pinning me down.

I started squirming and giggling, while trying to push him away.

The amount of girlie bullshit going on here was way too fucking much for so early in the morning.

"Edward knock it the fuck off or your ass is going to get a golden shower," I warned through my laughter, realizing I had to pee.

"I think you could find a better way to stake your claim on me then that," he countered brushing his thumb over my necklace.

Is that what he thought he was doing with the necklace staking a claim on me? I snickered to myself. This is Edward Cullen, he goes through women faster than the Glee kid's change songs.

"Tulip already has sole custody of Slugger," I reminded. "Unless you want to get him a tattoo to make it official?"

I got out of bed and opened my drawers looking for a bra and panties.

"A tattoo of what?"

"Something simple. Tulip's Bitch will fit well enough."

"I'm not getting a tattoo on my cock."

I laughed. "You fucking pussy! It's a just a few thousand needle pokes," I goaded.

"You won't be happy until you fucking have my blood in a vile around your neck. Will you?"

I looked down at my necklace. "So, is that why you gave me this?" I asked deciding now was a good time to find out what the fuck he was thinking. "Because you're too chicken shit to bleed?"

"I gave it to you because I wanted you to have it," he answered simply, but it wasn't genuine, it's like he was holding something back.

"Thanks," I responded. "I like it."

He flashed a wide cocky grin and leaned against my headboard. "I know."

I rolled my eyes. "Have fun jerking off you douche," I called as I shut the bathroom door.

After I had taken care of my teeming bladder, I started the shower and tried to get the water somewhere in between freezing and scalding hot. I looked around and noticed I didn't have a towel.

Fuck, they were in the laundry basket.

I opened the door and had to hold back a laugh. Edward was sitting there in his boxers with my copy of Edward Cullen "fap monthly" and my long neglected silicone friend.

"If you're hunting my fap aids down like easter eggs, I'll save you the trouble and pull my Rabbit out of my sock drawer," I said, walking over to the laundry basket.

"That issue came out a fucking year ago!" he growled pointing at it.

Jesus. What the fuck was his problem?

"Very good, Captain Obvious. Did you know your name is on there too? And some cheesy fucking pun of the movie you were in?" I retorted, confused.

"You wanted me then. You were thinking about me while you were fucking cumming on some piss poor battery-operated substitution!"

"So fucking what! It's not like I'm the only one. Like all those bitches you fucked around with weren't clit tickling themselves to various versions of Edward Cullen porn?"

"I don't give a shit about them! I made it pretty fucking clear that I wanted you, and you did nothing but shut me down. Why?" he questioned hotly.

This boy seriously needed to blow his load in the morning or he was one cranky fucker.

"Why does it matter? We're fucking and having fun now."

"It's fucking matters to me!"

Fine. He wanted a fucking answer I'd give him one.

"Hmmm. How do I put this without coming off like a total bitch?" I paused for affect only, "Oh wait, I can't. You're a notorious manwhore, Edward!"

He clenched his fist and his nostrils were flaring. "Okay, this stops right fucking now. You above anyone, should know that the bullshit in the fucking tabloids is just that!"

"So you're telling me that Slugger hasn't tapped enough pussy to rival Tiger and Jessie James combined?"

"I've had my fair share of women Bella, but not anywhere near the pussy count that everyone thinks."

"Why do I not believe you?"

"Because you believe the lie," he said despondently. "Just like everyone else," he added looking away from me and running a hand through his hair.

Holy fucking shit.

Knowing what I knew about the way shit was spun and distorted in this godforsaken industry, why had the thought never occurred to me?

I started laughing. "I'm not really sure what to say here, Edward. I mean, why bother confessing to me?"

"Because I fucking care about you Bella, and I don't want you thinking that I'm some asshole!"

My laughter stopped.

I must've been hearing things.

"I think I had some crazy stuck in my ear. What the hell did you just say?"

"I said I care about you," he said quietly.

Fucking goddammit

Stupid fucking boys.

I care about you too Edward, in a 'your dick is really awesome' kind of way.

"So what the fuck does that mean to you?" I questioned, irritated that he had to fucking go down this road.

"It means I want to be more than just fuck buddies."

Of all the fucking batshit crazy things I had ever heard.

"Jesus fucking christ Edward! You couldn't be like every other morally depraved Hollywood douche!

No of course not! I had to start fucking around with one that actually had a conscience!"

Suddenly, everything was starting to make sense. His weird behavior on Globes night, the necklace, his bizarre fucking looks.

The boy had a fucking crush on me.

Yeah, because you don't have any fucking feelings for him at all. My subconscious barked.

Oh, Eat Me! You passive aggressive bitch! Why the fuck couldn't you have figured that out a little sooner?

Not my fault! You we're busy listening to Tulip while I was screaming to you and you fucking ignored me!

"That's because I'm more fun you cockblocking bitch!" Tulip snarled.

God! My vag and my inner monologue were fighting! How much longer before I went entirely crazy and started killing people according to what sin they committed?

Fuck. My. Life.

I had feelings for him.

"I don't do more Edward. In fact, I don't even do the fuck buddy thing. I made a one-time exception for Slugger," I groaned, wrapping the towel around myself and walking away.

"So make another exception," he countered, following me.

"Hey Paramore! It's not that fucking simple," I responded, thoroughly pissed.

"Why the fuck not? Jesus Bella! All I'm asking for is a chance to get to know you better!"

"We already know each other pretty fucking well," I argued.

"You know that's a lie, Bella."

He was right, but I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing that.

"Whatever Edward," I said turning off the shower and stomping into the entryway gathering up my clothes and trying to throw on my shirt.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm getting the fuck out of here."

"This is your place," he chuckled darkly.

"So fucking what? I'm going for a drive and you better be gone when I come back!" I cautioned straightening out my shirt and searching for my keys and my skirt.

"Looking for these?" He asked holding my keys out, a fucking holier than thou smile stretched across his face.

Motherfucker.

"Give me my keys or your balls will be a distant fucking memory!" I growled trying to snatch them away, but missing.

His lips curved into a wicked grin, then he darted around me to the kitchen sink, where he dropped my keys into the disposal.

"Have you lost your fucking mind!" I shrieked, as he reached his hand out to the switch to turn it on.

I thought Charlie Sheen had the market cornered on crazy.

"Say you're not going anywhere, or I'll make sure you won't," he said moving his finger around the switch.

"Unless you're going to whack my legs with a sledgehammer. I can still walk you idiot!" I huffed and went towards the door.

"Then I'm walking with you," he asserted, grabbing my keys out of the drain and walked over to start putting on his dress shirt.

"You can't fucking walk with me! It would take like take ten seconds for someone to recognize you! Not to mention you look like your trying to pull off a Danny Ocean."

"Those are your choices," he said triumphantly.

I was not fucking doing this anymore. He thought he was so fucking smart? I was going to leave him in the dust wondering where the fuck his manhood went.

In what I thought was a slick fucking move, I reached out and grabbed his arm, thinking I was going to pin it behind him and take my keys. I was surprised when I ended up in the exact hold I was attempting to put him in.

And to top it off I was turned the fuck on. God. That says all kinds of S&M shit about me.

"Chains and whips excite me," Tulip sang cracking her whip and telling me the safety word was apple.

"Let's try this one more time," he started, his voice low and deep, and sexier than fucking hell.

Tulip was decked out in leather, chained to her bed and begging for Slugger to spank her for being a bad, bad girl.

"If I let you go, will you stop acting like a fucking child?" he continued, losing his grip minutely.

"Fine," I agreed through gritted teeth. He let me go quickly, and I turned to face him.

Why the fuck did he want to escalate this so much? Things were going just fine until he found that goddamned magazine.

Mental note: Learn to hide all porn, dildos and vibrators where snooping fucking actors can't get their hands on them.

This was completely uncharted territory for me. I hadn't done anything more than a fuck-and-run since high school and now I was contemplating doing it under the radar of the entire American public?

I needed to make a list of all the reasons this was a fucking really bad idea.

"What the fuck do you want from me, Edward?" I asked, not really sure what he was getting me into.

"I told you Lambert, I wanna get to know you. However you want to go about doing that?"

"So you..what...want to fucking date me?" I quizzed, swallowing hard. I had uttered the "D word".

Date is a four letter world in my fuckawesome vocabulary.

"Your words, not mine," he smirked. He started nipping at my mouth, moving his lips in a slow sensual pattern as he caressed my cheek.

I pulled my lips away. "Then I'm retracting the word. And if we're doing this we're doing it on my terms."

"Which are?"

"No labels. It is what it is," I clarified.

"It's called dating," he responded and stared kissing me again.

I pulled away, panting. "You're a huge pain in the ass. You know that right?"

He nodded and smiled against my neck, failing to keep his I-fucking-win laugh from bubbling up.

"And when... whatever we're doing... ends, I'm not giving you pity sex and I'm writing a fucking tell all and getting rich."

"I wouldn't expect anything less," he assured and started to kiss around the shell of my ear and tease the lobe with his tongue.

Tulip was wailing out her own version of Back in the Saddle Again on her vintage Les Paul.

My heart did that fucking speeding up thing again. Like it was driving through the toll both in the Fastrak lane during rush hour, passing all the other bitches by while flipping them off and laughing.

I thrust my tongue into his mouth and threaded my hands into his hair. His mouth moving in sync with mine, his usually strong cinnamony taste was almost non-existent, but the taste of his mouth was still all kinds of spicyawesomeness.

I was moving my hands down to unbutton the few buttons that he had managed to do back up, when I felt a sharp pain in my foot. I thought it was my imagination, but when I put my foot back down pain shot up through my leg.

"Fucking son of a goddamn bitch," I groaned, trying to examine my foot.

There was a piece of glass stuck in it. It must have come from one of the pictures last night. I didn't think any of the glass had actually been dislodged.

"Shit are you okay?" Edward asked trying to steady me, as I pulled it out.

"It's just some glass," I said holding it up. It was about the size of a quarter. "No big deal."

"You're bleeding."

"Yeah. And?" I laughed, trying to hobble away to throw the glass into the garbage.

He immediately picked me up and sat me on the couch.

"What do you think you're doing?" I questioned still holding the glass. He took it from me and disappeared into the kitchen. I heard water running.

"Do you have any band-aids?" he called out.

"They're in the first aid kit in my bathroom," I answered, "but I don't need one."

He ignored me and went directly into my bathroom and came out a few seconds later, with my limited first aid supplies. He sat on the coffee table across from me and gingerly picked up my foot.

"Just because you played a doctor in a movie once, doesn't mean you can fake a medical degree," I teased, as he started looking at my foot like he knew what he was doing.

"You might need stitches."

I laughed at his assumption. "I don't need stitches! Paranoid much?"

"Bella, my dad is a doctor. I think I know something about this," he said fishing out the tube of Neosporin.

How could I forget. Carlisle Cullen, chief pediatric surgeon at Children's of L.A.. His career and work completely overshadowed by those of his two children.

"Edward it's a small fucking cut. Just hand me the antibiotic and relax."

He rolled his eyes, and swabbed it on himself. He was so focused it was almost funny.

"You better be careful there Dougie you don't want to put wrinkles in that pretty face." I smoothed over the lines of concentration forming in his forehead to accentuate my point. He smiled as he placed the band-aid on.

The moment was extremely intimate. I was trying not to let it affect me, but my damn heart was going seventy-five in a school zone and zipping over and around double yellows.

"Am I going to be okay? Or should I fill out a power of attorney?" I questioned sarcastically, trying to shake off the accelerated heart motions.

"I think you're going to need extensive physical therapy," he smirked and started kissing up the inside of my leg.

"Hell to the motherfucking yes!" Tulip squealed and pulled on her white thigh highs and adjusted her nurses hat. "Paging Dr. Slugger. There's a code pink and we need you in here STAT."

"I'm going to need to get a second opinion," I responded bringing his face up to mine, and letting my lips brush his.

"Is that a fact?"

I nodded. "Yes. I don't trust doctor's," I confided, kissing along his stubbled jaw.

"Good thing I'm an actor then," he replied with a grin, shrugging off his shirt.

"I don't trust actors either," I admitted.

His words from earlier came back to me.

Fuck. I was making so many exceptions today I might as well throw out my rule book.

"Bella..." he started.

"I'm making an exception," I stated, running my hand through his tangled mess of bedhead.

"Because I'm exceptional?" he prodded, running his nose and lips along my neck.

My head fell back, allowing him more access. "No, because you're relentless and against my better judgment, I happen to fucking like you."

"That works too."

My iHome was still playing by my bed.

We wont say our goodbyes you know it's better that way

My shirt went back over my head and then his hands were on either side of my face, locking our quickly moving mouths. Our tongues and lips crashing and melding together, while our hands gripped and tugged at one another trying to get impossibly closer.

He slowly moved his hand to the base of my neck and his kissing intensified as he carefully glided us to a prone position on the couch.

We won't break, we won't die, it's just a moment of change.

His lips moved over my heated skin teasing me in wickedly delicious ways. Over my extremely sensitized tits, around my collarbone and up to my ear.

"You're beautiful Bella," Edward echoed his same compliment, but the inflection was different. It shot straight through me, and had Tulip floating around with water wings.

The little licks and sucks Edward was leaving around my body caused me to shiver and spasm. I brought my mouth back to his and sucked on his bottom lip, while my hand snaked down and grasped Slugger , stroking him, my thumb grazing over the tip briefly before gliding back down. My speed and pressure increasing in slow spurts.

"You're too fucking good at that," Edward groaned, and tried to catch a breath as he removed my hand.

His boxers were kicked off, and Slugger was T-minus thirty seconds to launch.

Edward's hand cupped my left tit pinching and teasing the nipple with his thumb and forefinger, before running his tongue on the underside. His mouth trailed along the center of my chest to the other breast and repeated the actions. His hips were grinding into me. Slugger kept brushing my clit and teasing Tulip with every motion.

"If he keeps this shit up I'm gonna need a fucking boat," Tulip griped.

I started sucking on his neck, leaving incessant kisses and gentle bites and grinding back into him, urging him forward.

I figure there's nothing to lose.

He slid into me slowly, not taking his eyes off mine. His fierce green eyes fluttering only slightly while he filled me.

His stare was too intense. I closed my eyes, my heart was thrumming like a damn crack addicts, while our rhythm built steadily.

"Slugger and I are learning the congo drums," Tulip squealed.

Our bodies pressed together, while our hips rocked and I pulled him close. I fisted my hands into his hair and kissed every part of his face and neck I could reach.

You changed my philosophy, I'm never gonna let you pass me by.

I didn't mind that for the first time in, maybe ever, I wasn't in a race to get to the land of ahhs.

"What are you doing do me?" I murmured, in a voice I didn't recognize. It was wanton and needy and so not me.

"Showing you how fucking beautiful I think you are baby," he rasped, changing his angle.

He started moving faster as I opened my legs wider and braced my leg against the back of the couch.

His expert mouth went back to my nipple and he teased it with his teeth and gently tugged on it while his thumb circled my clit.

"So close," I breathed, as I felt myself climb.

I started clawing at him, my nails of my right hand scratched down his neck and back, and my left were digging into my couch.

"You're so fucking hot when you cum Bella."

I was lost to all the sensation, his voice and his unrelenting tag team assault on Tulip had completely wrecked me.

"Fuck, Fuck, Fuuuck Edward, God!" I yelled as I came, clenching, digging and writhing utterly possessed, and lost at the same time.

My orgasm triggered his and I watched his face, completely engrossed in pleasure with his eyes tightly closed, and his lips slightly parted.

I seriously wish I could freeze frame that look. It was fucking hotter than hell and knowing that I could make him do that, made it indescribably better.

He fell next to me on the couch and started kissing on me as I ran my fingers through his hair. Our breathing was normalizing slowly. Our bodies cover in sweat and sex, both of us completely blissed out.

"This would have been a whole lot easier if you were a shitty lay," I told him, as he kissed my forehead.

"Sorry babe, not possible."

"Did you just call me babe?"

"I could call you my girl instead?" he smirked.

"I could tell your Hollywood ass to take a long walk off a short pier," I retorted.

"You could, but you won't. You like me remember?" he responded, flashing the panty dropper and raising his eyebrows.

"Only on days you have me cumming like that," I conceded.

"Then we shouldn't have a problem." He smiled and stood up to put his boxers back on.

"Cocky fucker," I seethed, throwing a pillow at him.

"You know it, babe."

Dammit!

"I'm starving do you mind?" he asked opening up my fridge.

"Unless you want to eat mustard or mayo you're not going to find much in there," I told him getting up, my cut stinging a bit.

"Don't you ever cook? Or eat?" he asked looking briefly inside my barren fridge.

"Never, and often," I answered, motioning to the stack of takeout menus on my counter.

He frowned at me as he closed the fridge door again.

"What?" I shrugged. "Not all of us have time to sit on our ass and watch Food Network," I joked.

"We're going to my house, we can get something on the way," he offered authoritatively, grabbing my keys.

"I have to shower first and you are fucking a day late and a dollar short if you think you are touching Coop," I said trying to grab my keys back.

Edward ignored me and started putting on his Danny Ocean outfit.

"Edward, if you want to live to see..."

"Hi, It's Tulip! Since Bella is running her damn mouth off again you wanna know a secret? Slugger and I are dating and he got this really bitchin' tattoo of a Tulip! Isn't my man awesome?"

**Sexy Silk**

A few hours later we we're sitting around his kitchen table surrounded by an After School Special, Smac and Cheese and an order of Disco Fries from Kitchen 24. I had finished most of the fries and half of the Smac and Cheese by myself.

"How the hell do you eat like that, and still look as fucking sexy as you do?" Edward asked dunking his grilled cheese into his tomato soup.

"It's called exercise. You know that thing that you go to the gym for?"

"So what do you do?"

"I skate and..."

"As in roller?" he cut me off.

"As in on Venice Beach," I elaborated.

He laughed. "You're a roller girl wannabe?"

"I'm not a wannabe, assmunch. I've got mad fucking skills," I responded, twirling my tongue around the tip of a french fry before bitting it.

His eyes narrowed. "We talking full on California gurl? Bikini and Daisy Dukes?"

"Fuck no," I answered. "Well, not those fucking cut off things at least," I corrected, taking a drink of my tropical smoothie.

"The bikini top is mandatory, can't get arrested for indecent exposure again."

"You were arrested?"

"Yeah, but I wasn't charged with anything," I laughed.

I once again thank my mom for my awesome cha chas.

He cocked his eyebrow at me and gave me an I have to hear this fucking story expression.

I rolled my eyes. "To make a long story short. The arresting officer liked what he saw and let me off with a warning," I shrugged.

"You seem to have that effect on men," Edward responded, with a scowl.

"What? I can't help it that all of you have pussy seeking missiles that lead you around and command your decisions."

"You think that a guy can't make a decision without consulting his cock first?"

"Eighty-five percent of the time a guy thinks with only his dick."

"And the other fifteen percent?

"They're asleep," I deadpanned.

A wary expression crossed his face, like he had some argument for what I was saying.

"Edward seriously, even if you aren't a poster boy for the thirty-one flavors of snatch club, your decisions about who you want to pursue aren't made by this," I said knocking on his head.

"You're right, they're not," he smirked. "I think it's made by another organ."

I shook my head realizing what he was talking about.

"Don't get all fucking sappy on me Cullen. If I wanted that syrupy fucking bullshit I would have ordered pancakes."

"Better get used to it, I'm pretty fucking sappy Kitten," he shrugged and put on a shit eating grin.

He did not just fucking call me that.

"Do you have a fucking death wish? There's only one pussy here and her name is Tulip," I corrected, with a laugh.

"Say my name, Say my name," Tulip sang. "And it's not fucking Kitten or any variation thereof dipwit!"

"I'll find one that fits Beautiful, " he returned smugly and began gently kissing me.

"I think you already did Hollywood."

A/N: So some of you guessed semi-right! Awesome job:) I loved hearing all the guesses- you guys are far more inventive than me! You guys are amazing- S.S. has broken 500 reviews * throws confetti* and *bows at your feet* THANK YOU!

Don't worry- the slut brigade will get their comeuppance in good time.;)

Kitchen 24- is a block away from Hollywood & Vine – never been- food has wicked cool names.

Check them out kitchen24(dot)info

Fandom Fights Tsunami is raising money for Japan. I've signed up to contribute a piece and will be doing a Sexy Silk outtake. There are many other AMAZINGLY talented authors signed up as well please please please go donate!

You can read all the details at fandomfightstsunami(dot.)blogspot(dot)com

Thank you To Twific Database for pimping this out so hard last week! Very much appreciated! (Link to interview will be on the blog)

And to 107yearoldvirgin for reccing this on chapter 13 of FAP- Wonderific Story- Wardo and Bunny are epic and I can't thank her enough for sharing all of her amazing stories with us. She's taking a step away from fandom and just wanted to let her know she will be missed, but that we understand.

Posting schedule: I'm trying to post once a week. As you know RL tends to take over at times, but I'll try never to go over two weeks and that's the best I can promise. * Ducks out of the way *

As always reviews tickle my pink and float my boat and I love them all- the smiley faces, jelly belly flavors or just a simple "that was hot" or "can't wait for more";) -see what a review hoor I turned into? lol.

Happy Early b-day shout out to my wicked awesome beta I flove you bb! * smooches *