A yacht.
The fucker had charted a yacht to take us to Catalina Island at sunset.
Don't most people who do this dating shit go to the movies, or dinner or something?
Shit. When I was in high school, a date consisted of a groping session behind the music room, a questionable slice of pizza, and a package of sour skittles from the cafeteria.
I was completely out of my element Donny.
What the fuck was I thinking?
I can't believe I agreed to let him pick out what we did. I hadn't been on a boat since I was ten and had no desire to ever be on one again.
"Ahoy! Slugger is pulling back into port," Tulip squealed putting her bikini on.
Damn. Tulip had a point, fucking around on a boat might be kind of fun.
Fucking fun or not, it still wasn't me. It was the most fucking pretentious thing I had ever heard of and I knew it was going to turn an awkward night into a fucking nightmare.
I decided to text him and tell him that anything that involved leaving dry land was off the table.
Hey Ahab. Your Moby Dick better be happy staying on dry land tonight. I don't do boats.
Who the fuck told you?
I had a fucking psychic vision. Who the fuck do you think, Chatty Kathy? Alice.
We're still going...you'll like it. ;)
How the fuck did he know what I would like?
Sam I am! What part of no boats did you not get? Not near L.A., not in the S.F. Bay, no fucking way!
I'm leaving now. See you in a while.
I was so fucking pissed that I decided to leave an hour early. He just fucking ignored what I told him. He thought he had control of this?
I was going to blow him off. That would fucking teach his ass.
"No Goddammit! You're cutting into time with my man, take a fucking Valium and chill the fuck out!" Tulip roared.
I walked out of the office and saw some guy sitting on a black Ducati, his face hidden by a full helmet.
I was getting a non-discrete eyeful as I walked to Coop. Dark-washed jeans and black motorcycle jacket.
Tulip was purring in tune with the motorcycle. "Hey baby, How you doin'?"
I heard the chirp of Coop unlocking just before I heard the bike rev its engine. Its tires made a god awful squealing noise, as the rider flipped a bitch and parked right next to me.
The melodramatic motorcycle God lifted off his helmet. Fucking Edward.
Holy motherfucking sex on wheels.
Tulip started gasping for air and moaning for Slugger, before she fucking flatlined.
"Where the fuck are you going?" Edward yelled, jarring me out of my overt eye fuck.
First, I'm going to try to put my fucking tongue back in my mouth. Then, wherever the fuck you want. I'd live on the goddamned boat if it meant I could watch him on that fucking bike.
"Crazy. Wanna come?" I asked, pursing my lips.
"You were going to stand me up?" he asked with a grin, shock in his voice.
"You were going to make me go on a fucking boat."
He started laughing. "You think that sounds remotely like something I'd do?"
"Until a few days ago, I thought you used Slugger like a pussy divining rod! How the hell am I supposed to know?"
"All the more reason to do this Bella," he coerced.
"So I can learn how to fuck with dangerous people's heads?"
"I know how girls fucking gossip," he sighed. "Did you think I was actually going to tell anyone what the hell we were doing? Plus, I wanted to see your ass squirm."
"Hollywood, it's a good thing you look as smoking fucking hot as you do right now, or I would be beating the shit out of you with your own goddamned helmet!"
The side office door swung open, we were about fifty feet away, but I could tell it was Jessica and she was headed out to the lot.
I glanced back to Edward, who was wearing a wide grin and holding out my helmet. "I'll only put mine back on if you put yours on," he taunted.
Fuck! Stuck between a Slore and Hollywood's cocky secretive crap.
I grabbed my helmet and put it on with a grimace. He quickly put his back on as I jumped on the back, I wrapped my arms around him and we took off.
Between the fucking vibration, being forced to hang onto him and the fucking leather he was sporting, I was surprised I didn't cum before we made it halfway down the street.
We cut up the 101 for a while through the hills and ended up pulling up outside of a sports bar in Burbank.
"Is this more of what you had in mind?" he asked after taking off his helmet.
"It's a fucking public place."
"Really? Hadn't noticed," he joked.
"You're not worried about being harassed?" I questioned, as he helped me off the bike.
He rolled his eyes "No, Em and I come here all the time. The owner and I are friends."
Convenient.
I huffed. "Let's do this Hollywood, before I change my mind."
**Sexy Silk**
The place was practically dead, just a few grey hairs sitting at the bar and a small group at one of the pool tables.
Luckily, he had enough sense to pick out a table in the back corner.
"You brought me to Burbank to play pool?" I laughed.
"No. I brought you here to kick your ass at pool," he smiled and started racking the balls.
"You're fucking dreaming Hollywood. I spent most of my free time in college at a fucking pool hall."
"Then we should make this a little more interesting."
"What'd you have in mind? Since, your ass is going to be handed to you, I want to know what I'm going to win."
"Simple. Every ball you knock in you get to ask me a question and vice versa."
"Don't you have enough people interviewing your ass? Besides, I know a fuckload more about you, than you do about me."
"You only think you do," he argued. "At any rate, I don't think I'm going to be sharing much anyway."
Stupid overconfident boy.
"Too bad you're not gonna get to ask me shit," I smirked and picked out my stick and started chalking it up.
"We'll see," he answered. "You wanna break?"
I snicked. "Hollywood, I break your balls every chance I get. You go ahead." I motioned for him to continue.
I normally would have been standing behind him, checking out his ass, but I had a better plan.
Don't I always?
I waited until he was just about ready to shoot and flashed him the girls.
Not only did he miss entirely, but the cue ball bounced off the table, onto the floor and next to my foot.
I tsked him and bent over to pick up the ball.
This was almost too fucking easy.
"On second thought...it looks like you could use some help," I insulted, playfully.
"So, that's how you're gonna play this? Cheat by distracting me with your tits?"
"I'm not cheating. It's not my fault if you can't handle your stick under pressure." I then bent down to try to break, but he grabbed me around the waist and traced his tongue around the shell of my ear.
"Turnabout is fair play, Beautiful," he breathed, before leaving a lingering kiss on my neck.
"I have two words," Tulip growled. "Fuck. Pool."
I placed my cue on the table and pushed him against the wall. I pushed my tongue into his mouth and ground my hips into his a couple of times before gently grazing my teeth over his bottom lip and pulling away.
"Unless you intend to fuck me on this pool table, I wouldn't do that again," I warned and tapped his cheek condescendingly.
He whispered something which sounded like "fuck me" while I turned back around and made a decent break.
Why he would rather play this bullshit game as opposed to fucking was beyond me.
"He just wants you to know him as well as Tulip knows Slugger." The smug bitch was on her soap box again.
"Slugger's favorite season is summer, he's funny and likes to cuddle," Tulip giggled like a school girl. She pulled out her picture of Slugger and drew a heart around him with glitter pen.
"Look he sparkles!" Tulip squeed.
What self-respecting woman would want a sparkly peen?
Tulip flipped me off and called me an "underserving peen hater" before running off to carve her and Slugger's initials into a tree somewhere.
I ended up getting the one ball in on the break.
"I guess this means I get a question and you're stripes."
I didn't know what the fuck to ask. I thought about it for a minute while lining up my next shot and missing.
"Your first snatch tap?" I wanted good material for my tell all.
"Shit, you don't waste any fucking time."
"Would you prefer I ask you your favorite color first? Or your favorite book? Bullshit like that?"
"No, that one is fine. You want fucking details?"
"If it was your first time down the pussy canal, I doubt there's that much to tell," I shrugged.
"Then why ask?"
"Just wanna see your ass squirm," I responded, mirroring his words from earlier.
"10th grade, during a fucking kegger with a girl named Emily," he finally responded.
"Emily and Edward. How fucking cute," I pretended to gag myself and laughed. "Did you get her name before or after?"
He shot me a sideways glance and rolled his eyes. "Before. We'd been dating for a while."
He sank the twelve in. "Same question."
"I've never tapped snatch." If he was going to just re-ask my questions, I was going to fuck with him.
"You know what I fucking meant."
"Okay, 11th grade, while I ditched school with my boyfriend at the time. The fucker wouldn't stop bothering me about it, so I finally just said 'what the fuck ever' and let him go to town."
"You've had a boyfriend before?" he nearly choked on the words.
"Back when I was young and stupid. Why?"
"Learn something new every day," he replied, looking at me like I just told him I had a third fucking nipple.
**Sexy Silk**
We ordered a few beers and some nachos while we questioned and shot our way through our first game.
By the end of my second beer, I was getting a nice fucking buzz. Which is just pathetic and meant I had not gone out drinking nearly as often as I used to.
By the middle of the second game I had learned that he fucking hated clowns and was scared shitless by It when he was a kid. I called him a pussy and kept telling him I had a balloon for him. Among other things, I managed to deduce that he's got an unhealthy obsession with video games, he owns four cars excluding the bike and he'll do anything on a dare.
Mental note: Dare him to watch It and not piss his pants.
He learned that horror movies are fucking funnier than hell to me, and might as well be in the comedy section. He also learned my favorite color is whatever the fuck color I am wearing that day, but mostly red. That my favorite book is the Great Gatsby. That snacking on french fries and vanilla ice cream is the best fucking thing on the planet next to sex. And when I was sixteen, I managed to get my belly button pierced in Seattle, but when my parents found out, they threatened to take my car if I didn't remove it.
What the fuck ever. I kept it in for another two weeks before it got infected and I was forced to take it out anyway.
I also noticed that his shots seemed to be getting a lot better as the game wore on, and mine were somehow worse. Fucking Sammy A was messing with my mad stick abilities.
In a very selfless move, I used one of my questions to play fucking matchmaker for Alice.
I had just pocketed the three. I still had four balls on the table and he only had the eight left.
"Any single friends?" I quizzed.
"Looking to trade up?"
"Depends, are they all afraid of bullshit T.V. movie clowns too?" I laughed.
He shook his head, "Should not have told you that." He leaned against the table, using his hands as a brace.
"Oh yes, you definitely should have. It will be great fucking material for my book," I teased.
"That a fact?" He gave me a dirty, but harmless look.
"I'm fucking kidding," I backtracked. "Alice, wants to know about a hook up."
"Oh," he smiled. "I'll have to check."
"Better make sure he's deaf. Alice is nice, but she's a fucking yapper."
He laughed, "She's not that bad."
I took a shot at the seven and missed. "Her perkiness is fucking exhausting, but whatever."
He walked around the table and grabbed his cue. "Last ball of the game, think I'll up the ante for this one," he told me running his free hand along the smooth wood of the table.
I rolled my eyes. "Just spit it out and cut the dramatic bullshit, you're not on the clock."
"If I sink this...which I will," he confirmed with a smirk, "then you'll tell me why you don't normally date."
He was never going to make this shot. His cocky attitude was a fucking cover. And, that wasn't any of his fucking business.
"Go for it, you'll fucking scratch and I won't have to tell you shit," I smiled.
"You think so?"
"Those were fucking lucky shots. This will actually take some skill. Which you don't have," I said leaning over the table to give him a glimpse of my tits.
He licked over his lips and smiled slightly while blatantly ogling my girls then, focused back on his impossible shot again. With a fluid movement of his right arm, a fierce clack and a thud, the eight ball landed in the corner pocket.
Fuck.
"Do you regularly hustle the women you date? No wonder you're not a frequent snatch ride holder."
He just smiled an I-so-fucking-own-your-ass smile. "Anytime now."
"Because I fucking don't," I answered succinctly.
He glared at me. "I was hoping for something a little more elaborate."
"You should have specified."
"I'm specifying now."
"Too fucking late, I already gave my answer."
He ran he hands through his hair. I could tell he was frustrated. I was being a first class bitch and for the first time, I actually felt bad about it.
"Jesus, give the boy a break! He's not asking for your fucking life story! My smug little bitch of a subconscious had popped up again. "You agreed to do this after all."
That little obnoxious pain in the ass was becoming more fucking annoying than Tulip.
"I resent that." Tulip huffed. "You're upsetting Slugger and I will fuck your shit up if you mess up what we have going!"
Goddammit alright fine!
"It's not on the list," I rushed out before I thought better of it.
"List?"
"Yeah, I have a list. And dating is not on it."
"It sounds like a really limited list."
I took a sip of my beer. "Well, some of us can't fall ass backward into the highlife. Some of us have to be a gopher to the people who get your asses photo ready."
"So being a gopher is on the list?"
I gave him an are you fucking stupid look.
"Yes, because running out to get Alice tampons in the middle of the day just makes my life fucking complete."
"I'm going to pretend I didn't understand what you just said," he said shaking his head.
"You weakling, you're getting defunct over the word tampon?" I was getting a little drunk, which was a bad thing for me. I was an honest and horny drunk.
"Moving on," he ushered. "Obviously something happened to have you leave out any plans for a relationship."
"No." I said simply.
He frowned.
"Well, not to me anyhow," I clarified. "I had these two roommates in college, we shared an apartment. They were both older than me. Toni, the flirty, confident one was always out at night. She'd come back home the next morning with a smile on her face, after getting fucked by some random guy that she'd never called back. She prided herself on it. No strings, no heartbreak. She graduated the top of her class and is now working as a set designer on Broadway."
"And the other?"
"Violet, the shy sensitive one, she would always date and be on the phone with the guy like twenty four hours a fucking day, giggling over all the cutesie shit they did. Then it would end. Sometimes she'd break it off because he wasn't paying enough attention to her, but more often than not, he would end it and it crushed her. She would be this sniveling fucking mess for days, lamenting over some douche or another and draining my entire fucking ice cream stash, while she watched old romantic movies to torture herself further."
"What happened to her?"
"She's divorced and living in the valley, working two menial jobs," I admitted. "So to answer your question, I don't want to be the sniveling bitch eating up all the damn ice cream, because I got too fucking attached for my own good and end up living in the valley, busting my ass for something completely unrelated to what I want."
"You wanted to be the one who kept her shit together and never made any real emotional connection with anyone."
"Something like that," I confirmed, gulping down the last of my third beer. "But you make it sound like it's a bad thing. Relationships gum up the works and are fucking distracting."
"That's one way to look at it," he exhaled.
"Then your ass comes along and fucks everything up."
"I fucked everything up?" he laughed.
I nodded. "I'm sitting here on a date with you spilling my guts like a fucking insecure little girl, because somehow you managed to sneak your ass past all my goddamn defenses."
Fuck. Time to shut myself up now. "Alright Hollywood, I'm drunk and you're out of balls," I ribbed. "I think that's a wrap."
"Maybe, I was the only one who was meant to get past them."
I looked up at him to deliver my retort to his fucking cheesy line, but my words died in my throat.
He was being sincere, and the look in his eyes was so fucking disarming I had to look away.
I spent my whole life trying to avoid moments just like this, in order to keep myself focused on my list and getting what I wanted, but the only thing it had ever afforded me is a dead-end job and a lot of fucking bitterness.
The juice totally wasn't worth the squeeze.
Fuck, I had way too much to drink. I was starting to become introspective and compassionate.
"Shut the fuck up Hollywood," I giggled and looked away.
Stupid fucking beer.
"I don't think I will, I think you like that I've gotten past all your defenses." he asserted, brushing my arm.
"What part of shut the fuck up did you not get?" I laughed.
"The 'shut up' part is pretty damn confusing."
"You're such a fucking smart ass," I retorted shoving him playfully.
"I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say."
He was singing quietly into my ear. It took me a second to figure out he was singing along to the music playing the bar.
He was running his lips long my neck and shoulders in between lines of some rock remake of The Promise.
Tulip had come back and was wearing her "proud groupie whore" t-shirt and flashing a sign that said "I'll do anything to get backstage."
"I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be, but if you wait around a while I'll make you fall for me," he continued, kissing around my neck and brushing his lips over mine, but not exactly kiss me.
"I have an all-access pass bitches! Move the fuck out of my way and no one gets hurt!" Tulip screamed, trying to get through the crowd.
I was losing my fucking mind. All this intimacy bullshit was fucking with me big time, then he has to start using the fuckhawt sex voice while singing in my ear.
I felt like Kevin Spacy had just gimped out of my office after I bought every line of his bullshit story. I knew I was going to kick myself in the ass when I started looking around and I realized I had been snowed, but right then, I couldn't have given a shit less.
"You're too fucking charming for your own damn good, Edward."
Did that just come out of my fucking mouth?
"Don't expect me to keep the filter up when I have liquor in me!" My soapbox toting bitch slurred.
His eyes widened as they caught mine and then melted over in a haze of green satisfaction. "Maybe."
"Definitely," I affirmed as I pulled his mouth to mine, seriously trying to shut myself the fuck up.
We started making out against the wall by the bar until someone shouted at us to get a room.
I yelled "fuck off" very politely before dragging him outside and back to the bike. Thankfully, we had parked in the back and it was now completely dark. There was only a soft yellow glow from the security light on the corner of the opposite building.
"You ready to go?" he asked smirking.
"I'm ready to party like a motherfucking rock star bitch! Where the fuck is my man? Let's get this show on the road!" Tulip screamed.
Bitch gets mouthy when she's drunk.
He started the bike and looked at me expectantly because I was just fucking standing there.
"What are you doing?"
I decided to make my intentions very clear and straddled the bike facing him. My tongue was immediately back in his mouth, darting all over like it was trying to learn how many fucking taste buds he had.
He brought me onto his lap and his insistent mouth went to my neck while one of my hands went up underneath his jacket and the other crept into his hair. His hand roved up under the hem of my shirt and his thumb grazed my perked up nipple through my super thin bra.
I was fucking panting just from that and started grinding myself into him needing some friction. His hands were cupping and kneading my ass.
Our mouths continued to move against one another. His hand went up to the base of my neck and he took control of the kiss while the bike vibrated underneath us.
My skin was super heated from the mixture of alcohol and groping session, but rapidly started to get cool and wet when his lips began trailing down my neck.
Fuck. It had started raining. Rain in So-Cal. Wasn't that a sign of the apocalypse?
My shirt was getting more damn see through by the second, and rain was starting to drip down my face.
Well at least my outer clothes matched my wet fucking panties.
Tulip dug out her "Slippery When Wet" floor signs and called for Slugger to run through the puddles with her.
"Do you want to stop?" he asked, though I could tell from his voice that he really didn't want to.
"It's just some fucking water," I breathed dismissively.
He was starting to undo my pants when I saw something out of the corner of my eye. Actually someone. The fucker had a camera.
"Shit," I yelled pulling away.
"What the fu.." I turned Edward's head in the direction of the leering picture whore.
"Fucking James, goddammit!" Edward, yelled, turning off the bike and walking quickly over to where the fucking peeping asshole was standing under an awning.
"You know his fucking name?" I whispered.
"Unfortunately," Edward replied grabbing my hand. "His name is James Caffy, fucking leach."
"Cullen, such a nice night." James greeted, as Edward and I approached him.
"Hand it the fuck over Caffy."
"No chance Cullen. You know how much these fucking pictures will get me? I could live off the profits for six months."
"Too bad you'll be spending it in a motherfucking body cast, you fucking parasite!" Edward yelled.
"Are you threatening me Cullen? I could have your ass arrested for that. It's called harassment," James antagonized.
"You fucking hypocrite!" Edward seethed. "I'm not the one standing out here in the goddamned dark taking blurry pictures that won't be worth more than a few hundred dollars!"
James shifted a bit. "They're clear as fucking crystal, Cullen."
Edward smiled confidently while the rain dripped off the back of his jacket and down the side of his face.
"If they were, you wouldn't be standing here. Your sleazy ass would already be selling them to the highest fucking bidder."
James huffed and glared a Edward a minute. "Five grand, right now. Cash."
"I've only got three," Edward smirked.
Fucking shit. I suddenly felt like I was watching a damn drug deal.
"Done," James answered reluctantly and took the memory card out of his camera.
Edward took out a huge fucking wad of cash from his wallet and held it just out of the assholes reach.
"Card first," Edward demanded.
James sneered and handed it over and took the cash.
"Pleasure doing business with you Cullen," James chuckled as he walked away.
"Asshole," I yelled.
The fucker just saluted me as he climbed back into his car. I took note of his license plate. It'll be a crying shame when all his fucking tires are slashed and "dickwad" is keyed into the side of his pretty little BMW.
"I would have bailed you out you know, if you wanted to kick the fucker's ass instead," I said turning back to Edward, my arms folded over my chest.
He chuckled. "I know, Beautiful."
"This is what it's going to be like, isn't it?" I blurted out as Edward ushered us back towards the bar.
"I'm sorry Bella, we should have just left and..."
He had just fucking saved our asses from being front page news and he was apologizing for some asshole that he had no control over.
This was part of who he was, and what his life entailed and I suddenly realized I wanted to be in it.
I could add dating Edward to my list and not throw off everything, we'd just have to be more careful.
I turned and gave him a heated kiss to silence his apology. "You're worth the squeeze, Hollywood."
A/N: Alright let me have it- another chapter with no nookie...I think I'm going soft... Nah.
Def will be back next chappy or I think Tulip and Slugger might possibly beat the shit out of me. Or at least Tulip will.
Thank you so much for all the reviews/story reccs, tweets, adds and pimpage – appreciate it so much!
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The song in the bar that E was singing was The Promise remake by New Found Glory original by Il Divo
And "The juice being worth the squeeze lines" we're paraphrased from "The Girl Next Door (2004)
Reviews rock as you know-even if you hate it- I wanna know...cause...well then I can laugh at you. j/k.