BPOV
"You fucking owe me for this Alice," I grumbled, as she finished zipping me up.
She had been unsure about a certain dress and she was having trouble visualizing if the client she was thinking of for it would look right. Then she had the insane idea that since the chick and I were about the same build, I should try it on.
"This looks alright," she sighed, sounding discouraged.
I rolled my eyes, lamenting the fact that I had ever agreed to step foot in a three thousand dollar dress, let alone let her play this fucked up version of dress up.
The dress didn't look bad per say, but it definitely wasn't my style. As talented as Zac Posen is, this purple frilly dress wasn't doing shit for me.
"There you've seen it. Am I fucking done yet?"
"Just one more? Please?" she pleaded. "I think even you'll like this one."
Fat fucking chance.
"Last one Alice," I conceded, trying not to clench my jaw.
She squealed and ran to one of the racks of the showroom and pulled a garment bag from near the back.
In the blink of an eye, I was quickly donning her next choice.
A black strapless Elie Saab with a plunging neckline and a slit up to my thigh.
Alice blinked a couple of times, before she found her voice. "Oh my god Bella, you look amazing," she said in an awed whisper.
I huffed. "That's great Alice. Is this episode of 'What Not to Wear' fucking over now?"
"No! You have to look!" she squealed, pulling me over to the mirror.
I had to give Alice some credit, she knew what the fuck she was doing. I did look like I was ready to walk some red carpet. Even though I would never be caught dead in this dress, I still looked pretty damn hot.
"You're fashionista royalty Alice, now would you please help me get the fuck out of it?" I asked fumbling for the zipper.
There was no answer.
"Alice!" I yelled. "Where the hell did you go?"
Where the fuck did she disappear to?
I started to go for the zipper again, when a pair of hands clasped mine and stilled them.
"Leave it," the familiar voice whispered.
A small smirk stared back at me in the mirror along with a set of smoldering green eyes. He was wearing a white dress shirt with a black tie and pants. Where the hell was he doing here dressed like that?
"Edward what are you doing here?"
"Staring at an insanely beautiful woman," he said wrapping me tightly in his arms.
Good fucking answer.
"I let Alice play dress up, but the pixie ass abandoned me and now I'm stuck in the damn thing."
"I think I can help you with that," he said smiling against my neck and kissing around my shoulders and exposed back.
"What the fuck Edward? There are interns all over the place," I warned, as I lost my ability to think.
"Your point is? Do you know how long I've wanted you?"
Did I even have a fucking point? My head was too fucking cloudy with thoughts of him ripping this fucking dress off and throwing me down on the table. He was acting like we had never screwed around before.
"Alice is going to be back any fucking second," I tried again, as his lips went back up my neck and his tongue flicked at my earlobe.
Fuck it. If he was so intent on doing this now, even though someone could conceivably come around the corner in seconds, then I wasn't going to stop him.
"She can watch for all I fucking care," he growled, his eyes were more intense than I had ever seen them, determination and fierce desire coursing through them.
Jesus mother fucking christ. What the hell had gotten into him?
He was on the verge of being scary, but I wasn't complaining. In an instant, I was sitting on the table as he stood between my legs and started kissing me and groping my tits.
I quickly loosened his tie, and began undoing his top buttons and brought his face to mine. His hands felt different as they canvassed my body. They didn't match the intensity of his words and it felt almost awkward.
And his kiss was completely off, it felt guarded and unnatural like he was holding back.
I tried to open my mouth to ask him what the hell was happening, but he was now sinking in front of me and started running gentle kisses up my leg as the slit fell open and exposed more of my leg.
As his mouth reached my inner thigh, my breathing increased and my head lolled back. I was waiting for him to get my panties down or rip them off, but there was no movement.
He suddenly stood and look ashamed, bowing his head. "I'm sorry, I can't do this. I...I hope you can understand."
I was completely exasperated with his bullshit. I was going to demand he explain what the fuck was going on with him when I heard voices, lots of them.
Something that sounded like "Cut" and then a bunch of mumbling and a few shouts. There was a whole group of people just standing there watching us. It was a filming crew, some of them were moving toward us.
"Edward what the fuck is going on?" I yelled sitting straight up, looking around.
"I totally fucked that up. Sorry," he laughed.
I didn't know what the hell was happening. I felt like I was on a bad acid trip.
"What do you mean? You fucked what up?"
"That line. I totally fucked it up. Hell, I fucked up most of the scene." He smiled and started rubbing his neck.
"What fucking scene? What the hell are you talking about?"
He looked at me strangely. "Are you alright? You seem really rattled."
"Of course I'm fucking rattled you idiot! One minute you're calling me your girlfriend and the next we're on some fucking set?" I shrieked. I was losing my shit so bad I was shaking.
"Uh, I think we need a break," he called to the director. He nodded and returned to whatever he was doing. Edward looked back at me, concern in his voice as he spoke. "I think you should go decompress, obviously this is confusing you. Just because we're playing lovers in the movie doesn't mean it translates into real life." He was swallowing nervously. "It's all just an act," he joked uneasily and started walking away.
"Stupid son of a bitch!" I yelled as my eyes shot open.
I looked around and was relieved and pissed in the same instant. I was in my bed, with the covers thrown off and it was just starting to get light outside.
What the fuck was that about Pita?
"Dreams are not my department," she mumbled and pulled her 'do not disturb' sleep mask back over her eyes.
I tried to settle myself as I wrapped my blanket back around me. I flipped my pillow over and slammed my head on top of it.
Stupid fucking dream. I was kind of grateful Edward had opted to go home rather than spend the night because I might have punched him out if I had woken up next to him. Lucky for him, and his face, he decided to go home because he wanted to meet Jasper at the airport early this morning.
I was just drifting off to sleep again when my landline rang. Who the fuck would be calling me so damn early?
I sure as fuck was not getting out of bed for some telemarketer bullshit.
No I do not want to refi my non-existent home you cold calling bastards.
My machine picked up and played my message. "This is Bella, I'm off corrupting the masses, leave me a message and I might get back to you."
I expected whomever it was to just hang up and let me get back to sleep, but they fucking had to open their mouths.
"Isabella Marie! This is your mother!
Shit. Full first and middle name. What the fuck did I do? And why did she think it was okay to use it like I was in trouble and a teenager who she just caught with a cigarette?
Not that I had an experience with that particular situation.
Why aren't you answering your cellphone?
Because it is 6:35 Mom and I've already filled my quota of being completely fucking confused for the morning.
Bella! I know you're there pick up!
"No fucking way," I mumbled and crushed my pillow over my head and groaned into my mattress.
She stopped her rant for a couple of seconds and started whispering.
"Oh god. He's there isn't he?" she said her voice going up into a squeal towards the end.
"Oh god, okay um. Well, I make this short then and I expect full details, I love you. Call me!" she gushed.
What the fuck? Did I just wake up on a fucking Twilight Zone episode? Where the fuck was Shatner freaking out about something being on the wing of the plane?
This morning was starting out way too fucking bizarre. I would have gladly traded Bill Murray and his Sonny and Cher daily wake up call for this.
One minute my mother was pissed to hell, then she sounded like she was a high school girl who was begging to hear the latest gossip. Nothing she said made any sense in my sleep deprived state.
I got up and made my way over to the answering machine and hit the play button, then walked over to the fridge to grab a bottle of water. I was rubbing my eyes and downing the water, while the message played over again.
What the fuck was she going off about? On the second time through, key pieces of what she was saying clicked into place, and panic started to set in.
Oh, God! He's there isn't he? The girlie I'm so excited that I think my head is going to explode voice. The early morning wake up call.
By the third time of playing it, I had run for my cell phone and was in the swift process of turning on my laptop.
I had ten missed calls.
Most of them from my mother, three from Edward, and few from Alice.
I listened to the one voicemail from Edward.
Bella, don't panic but I'm pretty sure our secret is out. Publicist gave me the heads up. Fucking parasite caught us in the pool last night. Fuck. I'm sorry. I'm gonna fix this...call me.
Oh fuck me. Of all the stupid motherfucking shit in the world to get caught doing, mauling your movie star man-whore labeled boyfriend was right up there at the top.
"This isn't even the first time," Pita reminded sleepily.
Shut it Pita.
I went over to my laptop and did something I had never done in my life. I went to TMZ and nearly fucking died.
There were pictures of Edward and I from last night in the pool with my hand in his hair and our lips locked.
Holy fucking shit!
No, no, no shit!
Trusted source says the two have been spotted together multiple times.
Is Edward Cullen off the market? A friend close to the couple says yes.
A friend my ass! Their fucking imaginary friends.
They even had my name. How the fuck did they get my name?
It wasn't just TMZ either, every fucking celebrity gossip site had the same fucking pictures.
They were divided on whether I was the next pussy in line or whether there was something more going on.
Fuck. This was so not happening. The entire fucking country not to mention my parents had seen these fucking pictures and there wasn't shit I could do about it.
This was epically fucking bad. I knew we wouldn't be able to avoid this forever, but I was hoping we'd have more time than this. How the fuck did they even know where the hell we were?
It was only when my cell vibrated in my hand that I realized I was crushing it.
I looked down realizing who it was. I didn't know if I was going to be able to talk and make any fucking sense.
"Edward?" I answered.
"Bella, have you seen the..."
"Of course I've fucking seen them! The whole goddamn country has!" I yelled, cutting him off.
I knew it wasn't his fault, but I so wasn't ready to face this shit yet.
"Look, I fucking know alright?" he barked back. "This is not how I wanted this to happen."
He sounded defeated and angry.
"I'm sorry. I know this isn't your fault, but I am freaking the fuck out," I justified starting to pace.
"It'll be fine, Beautiful. Okay? I already have a plan."
"Well, unless you have a goddamned time machine Marty, this shit is pretty much already in the works," I responded trying to get a grip.
I felt so incredibly stupid. I didn't really give a shit about the pictures or what the fuck the rags were saying, but that they had taken a private moment of my life and had put it on display. I refused to take that shit lying down.
Thank fuck we had only had a grind off in that pool and I did not go full on Showgirl. I would have given Charlie a fucking heart attack.
"It's going to be fine. We're just going to spin it exactly the way we want to," Edward assured.
"What is there left to spin Edward? Half of them think I'm your next twat stop, the other half think were dating."
"Well, at least half of them got them right," he chuckled, but I could hear the tension.
"Hooray for small fucking miracles."
"Bella, within a few days everyone will know that we're together, and that you're my girlfriend. Are you ready for that?"
Shit. I had just gotten used to the fucking word hours ago and now we were going public on a huge fucking scale.
"No, Edward I'd rather have everyone think I was a fucking hooker you picked up on Sunset," I retorted.
"Nobody is going to think that," he promised.
"This is fucking insane," I mumbled, closing my eyes.
"I know. All I can do is fix it."
"You knew being with him wasn't going to be easy," Pita reminded.
So not the fucking time.
"Hash it out with your spin doctors Hollywood. I've got to get to work."
**Sexy Silk**
It took all of thirty seconds for Alice to run from her office and pull me inside.
"That didn't take long did it?" Alice sighed.
"This is Hollywood, we're lucky it took as long as it did," I groaned rubbing my temple and flopping down on the chair in front of her desk.
"Don't let it get to you. At least you looked hot," she smiled.
"Yeah, I wonder if my mom thought so too?" I asked sarcastically.
"Oh shit, she's seen them?"
"She's the first person I heard about it from!"
Alice started laughing.
"I don't see anything remotely fucking funny Alice."
"Jessica and Lauren are going to flip out. I'm just imagining the look on their faces," she giggled harder.
I smiled for the first time that morning. "Slut two is still on leave for a few more days. That bitch is going to need something stronger than Xanax now."
"What were you thinking doing something like that in public?" she quizzed still laughing.
"I was thinking I wanted to get caught humping my boyfriend in a pool so Perez Hilton would have something to talk about."
"Boyfriend?" Alice squealed.
I nodded and smiled.
"So where is your partner in crime?"
"Hopefully returning from LAX by now," I said looking at my watch. "He wanted to go to breakfast with Jasper."
Alice's eyes got wide. "Really? Jasper is in L.A. now?"
"Yes, along with about four million other people," I laughed. "What is your deal with him anyway?"
She looked shocked. "Have you seen him?" she asked with that dreamy I so think about him while I finger myself look.
"Yes, up close and personal."
"Shut up! You have not!" she yipped. "What was he like? Tell me everything."
I knew there was a reason I neglected to mention meeting him.
"Alice, you have got to be fucking joking."
She was so excited she was practically vibrating in her chair. "Why are you so tight lipped, Bella? You already have a boyfriend. Now, tell me details about my future one!"
I scoffed. "It was all of like three seconds. He was very polite, mentioned something about Edward being in trouble before he excused himself."
"That was a good night," Tulips sighed. "The Voyeur bathroom fuck buddy pact. Slugger and I have come such a long way."
"Yeah, you've managed to get your respective owners photographed while you two assholes tried to mount each other!" Pita said disapprovingly.
"Drama queen." Tulip spat and rolled her eyes.
"Shameless peen stalking bitch." Pita responded, shoving Tulip.
"Uptight cockblocking prude!" Tulip yelled pushing Pita into a mudpit.
"He just seems incredibly sweet and he's got that cute accent," Alice purred.
"Since you sound like you are seconds away from having a fucking Jaspgasm, I'm going to go start working."
**Sexy Silk**
It was closer to noon when I answered a phone call I wished I hadn't. "Denali Inc. Alice Hale's office, How may I..."
"Bella?"
Dammit mom.
"Mom, you're only supposed to call me at work if there's an emergency."
"Seeing my half naked daughter in a pool sucking face with Edward Cullen doesn't count?" she yelled. "And then you don't call me back and I have no idea what to tell your father, who by the way thinks you were part of some Hollywood orgy and..."
"Holy shit mom! Would you just fucking breathe? It's nothing that fucking sinister! Stop jumping to conclusions!"
"Please start filling in the blanks before your father has a coronary! He's already threatening to fly down there and drag you back home. He could do it Bella, he's still got friends on the force and..."
Good fucking luck with that. I would have to be in a damn body bag before I went back to the fucking town for anything other than a visit.
"Mom! Seriously, you have got to stop talking before I can explain anything! Do we have to go over how conversations work again? One person talks and the other person stops talking to listen!"
She took a deep breath. "I'm listening, Bella."
"We're dating mom," I admitted quietly.
"Really? Are you sure?" she giggled and started doing that high pitched girlie squeal.
"He's my fucking boyfriend mom, yes I'm sure!" I said shaking my head at her juvenile display. I could almost see her dancing in the kitchen, while my father looked at her like she had lost her damn marbles.
I'm surprised the delighted squealing didn't shatter the glass doors of the office. I held the phone away from my ear in hopes of salvaging some of my hearing.
Holy clusterfucking shit! This day could not get any worse.
"You did not just say that!" Pita scolded, "Don't you know that is the one fucking thing you don't think or say when things are going shitty? Just like the people in horror movies are never supposed to say 'I'll be right back'. If you were the big titted chick in the slasher flick your ass would be the first to go!"
"Is that phone even plugged in? Or are you trying to sell your delusional story to one more gullible moron?" Lauren sneered standing next to my desk and tapped her foot.
"Case in point," Pita motioned to Slut one.
You've got to be shitting me.
"Fuck off Hobag. I don't have time for your jealous bullshit today," I hissed covering up the receiver of the phone.
"Who did you have to sleep with in order for them to publish this crap?" Lauren questioned holding up her iPad and pointing.
"Mom, I have to go. I'll call you back later," I said quickly, hanging up before she could answer back.
"Are you fucking blind? It's pretty self-explanatory!" I shot back at Lauren.
"There is no way, any part of this is true! I mean look at you! He wouldn't have touched you with a ten foot pole. Who did the pictures for you? They're really good at photoshopping, I'll give you that."
"Fuck you Lauren!" I spat. "Don't you have to go act stupid somewhere else?"
I was not in the mood to sit here and build up her fucking shattered self esteem.
"How much did it cost you? I mean, more than a few thousand? Would he cut me the same deal?" she asked sheepishly.
And she thinks I'm the fucking delusional one?
"Lauren! You don't know what you are fucking talking about! I swear to God if you don't shut the fuck up I am going to staple you to the wall and cut off every last one of your goddamned extensions!" I screamed.
Her eyes narrowed and she leaned forward, placing a hand on her hip.
"You can live in your fifteen minutes of undeserved fame you catty bitch, but we both know the truth, Edward Cullen has never fucking touched you!"
I heard a throat clear and footsteps coming towards us then. It was Edward. His mouth set into a hard line and his arms folded, his eyes gave Lauren a seething stare.
It was hotter than fucking hell. If we hadn't already been front page news, I would have been jumping him right there an then.
"Am I interrupting?" he quizzed frostily, still glaring at Lauren and then his stance softening as he glanced at me.
"Um, no Mr. Cullen," Lauren said bowing her head and turning beet fucking red. She turned around and sat at her desk then, pretending to shuffle some paperwork around, but I could still see her glancing over.
I looked at him, and for the first fucking time in I don't know how long, I was nervous. I had no idea how he wanted to handle this.
I decided to play the professional card since Lauren was sitting right fucking there.
"Hello, Edward. Tanya is out at the moment, and Alice is in a meeting. I can tell them you stopped by or take a message."
He raised his eyes brows and a wicked grin spread across his face.
"Hey Beautiful, I forgot to give you something last night," he said suavely, grabbing my hand and pulling me up from my chair.
Lauren's head snapped up and her eyes looked like they belonged on one of those fucking animae cartoons.
"What?" I asked, confused as all hell as to what he thought he was doing.
"This," he smiled, bringing his mouth to mine. His kiss was fiery and intense. It sent cinnamon shockwaves throughout my mouth and had Tulip thinking she was caught in a flash flood. I whimpered when his tongue went into my mouth, it continued to dominate mine and he cupped my ass and pulled me close.
I heard Lauren gasp and sputter from across the hallway.
I flipped her off with my right hand before fisting it into his hair, while kicking up my frenching another notch.
You wont get this kind of fucking spice on Emril.
"'Bam Bitch!" Pita yelled.
After a few minutes of tonsil hockey, we pulled apart to breath and realized the entire fucking office had come to a standstill near my desk.
Angela had a huge grin, the interns were gossiping like bitches, Lauren looked like she was about ready to faint. Alice was shaking her head and giggling, while leaning against her door.
"Everyone is fucking staring," I whispered.
"At least we're dressed this time," he shrugged, smiling.
"Was this part of your plan, Hollywood?" I laughed softly. "Our pool escapade hasn't garnered us fucking enough attention? You had to pull an Officer and a Gentleman at work on me?"
He raised his eyebrows and curved his lips. "We could always take it a step further." He winked and looked towards the door.
"No fucking way Mayo," I argued quietly. "I've still got another hour before lunch and you're not an officer in any sense of the word." I said running my hand down his chest.
"I'm not a gentleman either," he whispered and kissed just below my ear.
"Okay show is over! Go back to your lives people! Slugger and I are late for our Port Townsend hotel romp!" Tulip said authoritatively.
"I wanted to run my plan by you. Do you have a minute?" he added.
Everyone was still looking at us, gawking like we were a fucking car wreck on the freeway.
"Yeah, sure. I think it's time to move this to a less crowded location though," I said looking around.
"Alice, can we borrow your office?" Edward asked. I grinned at the memory of the last time we were in there alone.
"Keep the door open," she warned in her you so better not be doing perverted things in my office again voice.
I rolled my eyes and shut the door anyway. "Keep off of my desk!" Alice called.
"No promises Alice," I called, "it looks pretty sturdy." I laughed and smirked at Edward.
He gave me a halfhearted laugh. "Another time, definitely."
"So what's this grand plan Edward? I think we're fucked six ways from Sunday, but I'm open to suggestions"
"I think that we should just be seen together and not deny anything, just tell people were dating and it should blow over quick."
I snickered. "You pay your publicist came up with that shit? Is it that much of an original concept in Hollywood to tell the truth?"
"Well, she didn't really think of it as much as I told her that's what the fuck I was doing whether she liked it or not. She's pretty pissed at me right now."
"Over what?"
"Bella..." he breathed heavily and sat down. He looked ashamed and kind of pissed. I figured it out then.
"An available, random fucking Edward Cullen is easier to market than a taken one," I summarized.
He nodded and started talking. "She went fucking crazy. Her suggestion was actually to keep my mouth shut, distance myself from you, and be seen with the daughter of the director of the new film. I told her that I wasn't doing any of it and that I wasn't going to play the fucking games anymore."
I didn't want him to fuck with what he had going for him, just to shelter my virtue or whatever the fuck he thought he was doing. I had already been seen macking on him in a pool, the ship had fucking sailed.
"Edward, you've been playing it for years, if you have to do it to keep your career going, I completely under..."
"She even suggested that if I wanted to go the 'respectable man' route, that she had plenty of more suitable women that she had in mind," he muttered like I hadn't spoken. "She started yapping about the next Brangelina or some bullshit. I fucking fired her after that."
I gasped. "Wait! Why?" It seemed like a good suggestion to me. Even though I didn't fucking like it, I knew how this shit worked and was prepared to deal with whatever I had to.
"Bella, she would rather have you look like some one night fuck than for me to admit that I'm with you. I don't want someone like that representing me in any way."
"Edward you can't just..." I started.
"I sure as fuck can!" he yelled. "It's done. You're my girlfriend and anyone that can't handle that or doesn't like it can go fuck themselves."
I'd never seen him that pissed before. It was fucking hot, but I didn't know if I liked the reason behind it. I mean he just fired his fucking publicist because of me and was intent on handling this all on his own.
"You don't have to do this to protect me. As long as we know the truth who gives a shit what everyone else thinks?"
"I do. I don't want you to have to be labeled as something you're not. And, I'm tired of hiding and sneaking around, I want people to know we're together."
"I suppose that will be better than my mother thinking I was in a poolside four-way at the Playboy mansion," I laughed.
His eyes got wide. "Fuck, I didn't even think about...do your parents know? Have you talked to them?" he quizzed nervously.
"I think I've placated my mother enough. I told her you were my boyfriend and I lost all the hearing in my right ear. "
He had a cocky smile on his face. "I'm hoping that means she likes me."
"That would only be because she's never met you," I quipped.
"We can fix that too," he offered hopefully.
I could see that fucking meeting now. Renee would fucking giggle like a little girl until she passed out and Charlie would make sure he was cleaning his Smith and Wesson.
Not to mention, I have never brought a guy home to my parents. Ever.
"One step at a time there Hollywood," I diverted, hoping he wouldn't mention it again. "How do you want to get rid of the pool slut tag?"
"Well, we could start by me taking you outside."
"How is that going to change anything?" I questioned.
"Considering there are a handful of paps stalking this place, I figure it'll start us off pretty well."
"Why are those fuckers outside?"
"They've been following me around all morning. Between our pool pictures and me firing my publicist I'm kind of a big deal right now," he snickered.
"They think you're going to pull a Tom Cruise," I joked.
"They're just waiting for me to start touting fucking Scientology and jumping couches," he answered looking at the floor and then back at me with a half smile.
"Okay you two. Times up," Alice interrupted, as she walked in peeking through her fingers.
"Guess that means we don't have time to clean up the jizz stains on your couch," I replied, looking at her.
The horrified expression on Alice's face was followed closely by a blush that turned her whole face red.
"Alice you are too fucking easy," I teased.
"Oh my god! Just get out before I am forced to burn all my furniture."
Edward was trying to stifle his chuckle. "Hey Alice, before I forget, I'm having a party at my place next weekend, I was hoping you'd come. Jasper is looking forward to meeting you. "
Alice lit up and quickly composed herself. "Thanks, I'll be there," she smiled sweetly. "If he is half as gorgeous as he is in pictures then you and I might be even Edward," she answered, looking between the two of us with a confident expression.
"If you're done playing Singled Out, I'd like to get our asses in gear," I interrupted. "This shit isn't going to get any easier."
"Where are you off too?"
"We just have to go outside and give the paps a show, so those fuckers will go away. Right?" I assumed, looking at Edward.
"Not exactly. I think it's going to take a while Bella, they'll probably be following me most of the day and I'd like to be able to have you with me." He definitely had something more up his sleeve but I couldn't pinpoint exactly what it was.
I looked at the clock on Alice's desk. "I still have forty-five minutes before lunch and I just used ten of my fifteen in here," I tried to justify.
"Oh please Bella, like we stick to labor laws around here. You should go and spend some time with your boyfriend."
A megawatt smile spread across Edward's face at Alice's words.
I fucking did not want to go outside and deal with those assholes. Mostly because I was afraid I was going to beat the shit out of one of them. I would have no way to know which one of those fuckers was there last night, but if I ever found out who the fucker was I was going to Lorena Bobbit his junk.
"I don't want to leave you in the lurch Alice," I said through gritted teeth.
"What lurch? It's quiet today and you haven't taken a day off in...Have you ever taken a day off?" she asked me suddenly.
"Yes!" I hissed
"When?" she smiled slyly. She was enjoying this way too much.
"Two years ago," I muttered. "I had the flu."
"That settles that then. Take the rest of the day off."
"Alice, I don't have the time, there are all kinds of emails, I still have to get that gaudy fucking broach couriered over from..."
"It can all wait, I'll see you tomorrow," she laughed, trying to dismiss me.
"If I end up on ET because I beat the fuck out of one of those dimwits, I'm telling Jasper you were born a man!"
"Have fun, Bella," Alice responded through a laugh, not looking up.
I glared at her letting her know very subtly that I would be back to claim her head.
Edward was grinning from ear to ear as he guided me out. Everyone had scattered and the hallway was empty.
"You really don't want to be seen with me, do you?" He laughed, sounding wounded.
I exhaled loudly. "It's not you," I explained. "I just really cannot stand those fuckers right now."
"I know and you have every right to be pissed off. I should have handled this differently and I am really sorry it came to this," he apologized. I could hear the remorse and exasperation in is voice.
"It was bound to happen sometime, but I'm not going to pretend I like it or don't want to beat the holy hell out of them," I responded glaring out the door.
"No one is asking you to," He started rubbing my shoulders. "I'm thinking maybe they did us a favor though."
Come again?
"I don't know about you, but in my fucking dictionary, a person taking pictures of what we thought was a private moment is not a favor, but a fuckover for the all mighty dollar," I argued.
"True, but after this is cleared up I get to show you off." He brushed my cheek with his fingers.
"Flattery will get you everywhere," Pita swooned.
"Is the glass always fucking half full with you?" I asked, smiling.
"Basically. I'm a pathological optimist," he replied with a chuckle.
"That's funny. I'm a realist."
"Hasn't anyone told you that reality bites?" he deadpanned.
I rolled my eyes. "Are we done referencing Gen-X rom-coms now?"
"If I can't impress you with my optimism, maybe I can dazzle you with my extensive knowledge of mineral water," he smirked.
"Evian is naive spelled backwards Hollywood," I groaned, and leaned my head on the front of his chest.
He started smoothing my hair and tracing his fingers around the small of my back. "Bella, if you don't want to go out there I'll understand, but I really think the best way to stop the bullshit that's being said about you is to put our relationship front and center. "
I knew I was going to eventually come out of this building to go home, and if going out with Edward was going to put all this shit to rest and justify him firing his publicist then I supposed I could handle it. He was my fucking boyfriend after all, I was going to have to get used to this crap.
"Not to mention you are the total fucking envy of bitches worldwide and this will just drive the knife in further." Pita laughed.
You may have the pretty figure head, but I've got what those bitches really want," Tulip snarled.
"Alright," I conceded. "I suppose there are worse ways to spend an afternoon than with my sexy boyfriend, getting stalked by paps."
"Such a hard knock life Beautiful," he replied kissing my forehead.
"Don't even start with show tunes, I don't have enough insults," I teased grabbing my purse.
"You ready?" he asked hesitantly.
"We're walking outside to your car, I think I can manage. They're just taking pictures not blood."
He gripped my hand as we walked out the door. And at least eight people were immediately on us snapping away and questions flying.
"Edward did you really fire your publicist this morning?"
"Is this the girl from the pool last night?"
"Are you dating?"
"Yes to all three," Edward answered hurriedly as he ushered me into the car.
Some of them were calling out my name like they fucking knew me. These fuckers didn't know me from Eve.
I wanted to scream at them and tell them to get lives or push them the fuck out of the way. Hadn't these assholes heard of personal space? How the fuck did anyone deal with this shit?
One of them was practically stepping on my toes. If this was something I was going to have to endure, then I was going to make damn sure these fuckers knew their place.
"I'm sorry do you know me?" I asked politely to the overstepping fucker. He shook his head and kept snapping. "Then don't pretend like you do!" I said souring my tone. "Just because one of your fucking cronies had the nerve to take pictures on private property doesn't make it open season for you. I have no problem with you taking them now, but you better leave me some fucking space to walk before I start going Sean Penn on your ass," I growled pointing at him.
The guy looked like he was about ready to piss his pants or cry. I was hoping for the latter.
"Run and hide asshole. Run and hide," Pita growled.
Edward was biting his lip to keep from laughing, as I got into the passenger seat and he sped to his door.
"That was a little intense," I mumbled, watching them continue to snap shots as he got in.
Edward was looking over his shoulder and trying to back out."I want to lie and say you'll get used to it, but you never really do. You just tolerate it, or in your case you tell them in no uncertain terms to back off and scare them shitless," he laughed. "You do know you're going to now be labeled as the mentally unstable, possible pill popping girlfriend now right?"
"Whatever works Edward. I don't want those fuckers to fear the reaper, I want them to fear me, " I responded.
"Well, that guy definitely does."
My cell rang as we grove put of the parking lot. I huffed as I looked at the screen.
"Jesus mom, give me five fucking seconds." I mumbled as I unlocked it to answer.
"Is that your mom? Put her on speaker so I can talk to her. "
I gave him my best over my dead fucking body look.
"Okay then I'll just have to call her personally," he shrugged, giving me a sideways glance and a mischievous look.
"You wouldn't fucking dare."
He raised his eyebrow and a devious smirk tugged at his lips. "You know I will."
Oh hell no. I could not allow Edward and my mother to have a private fucking conversation without me present. After Renee stopped screaming and hyperventilating she would ultimately tell Edward every last damning story she could think of complete with mom editorial of the most embarrassing details.
"Dammit. You play dirty," I responded with a glare.
"I don't know any other way, Beautiful," he smirked.
"Hi Mom," I answered, still looking at Edward.
"Bella, why did you hang up on me?"
"A bitch at work was giving me shit so I had to shut her ass down."
"Bella, language!"
Edward snickered from beside me. "Who was that? Bella where are you? I thought you were at work?"
"I'm in a car mom. I left the office for the afternoon," I informed her.
"Bella you're not supposed to be driving while talking. There are laws now you could get a ticket and..."
She would be worried about shit like that.
"Mom! I'm not driving, Edward is," I said looking up at him.
"Hi Mrs. Swan," Edward spoke up. "Sorry I'm not able to do this in person at the moment, but I just wanted to say hello and also explain that despite what some the tabloids are portraying, I'm taking very good care of your daughter."
"Kiss ass!" I whispered, smacking Edward in the arm.
"Oh, um I certainly uh hope so. Thank you for um telling me," she responded. Her voice was so fucking squeaky at the end, I thought she was trying to pass for a munchkin.
5...4...3...2...1
Cue half-assed muffled screaming and giggling.
"Now I know where you get your vocals," he said quietly, rubbing his ear.
"At least mine are for a worthy fucking cause," I grinned, and immediately took my mother off speaker.
It took me ten more minutes to calm her down enough to breath properly and another five to assure her that I would call her later that evening so we could talk.
"She seems nice," Edward commented after I hung up.
"She is, in that coo coo for coco puffs way," I laughed and shook my head.
"You're lucky to have her," he said poignantly.
"I know and I am," I admitted, knowing that he was right. The fact that his mother was gone put things into perspective for me somewhat. As annoying as mine could be, I was still grateful and blessed to have her. "I just need her to take herself down a notch sometimes," I added trying to lighten the mood.
"A decibel or two would be good," he agreed, with a snicker. "Hopefully, by the time you take me up to Washington to meet them she'll calm down a little bit."
"Hopefully," I answered vaguely, looking out the window.
Shit. He really wants to meet my parents? Where the hell did he grow up? In a nineteen-fifties sitcom?
Here we were in twenty first century L.A., being stalked by photogs because we got caught messing around in a fucking pool, and he was more worried about meeting my parents?
Where was all this noble boy next door act when he was fucking me up against the wall in his room?
The boy needed to stop watching Leave it to Beaver reruns on T.V. Land and maybe switch it to classic 90210 once and a while.
Who would have thought Kelly would hook up with Van from Fastlane?
"So since we're giving your mom some time to adjust her noise level, what do you say to meeting my father today?" he asked with a sideways glance.
"With all this going on? Don't you think we'd better give it a couple of days?"
"Bella, we can't put our lives on hold for the fucking press, he really wants to meet you, and now would be as good a time as any."
He had a point. I wasn't going to let those fuckers control what the fuck I did and it seemed really important to Edward. This must have been what he had in mind, earlier. Although I wasn't sure if the day after me getting caught grinding on his son was a good day to be introduced, but I was letting Edward make that call.
"Alright Hollywood, let's go for it."
A/N:
So they've finally gotten "caught"- I know this didn't advance time in the story very much, but this is kind of what I always pictured happening. I hope it lived up to some of the expectations?
Next chapter is obviously the meeting with Van...uh I mean Carlisle. ;) And Whatever else I decide to throw in...;) Def. An A&J meetup.
Thanks everyone profusely for your reviews, tweets and reccing can't believe this little story had over a thousand reviews- you guys rock my socks so much!:)
To my beta- the bestest friend and most awesome lady-I flove you and cannot thank you enough for all your help and hard work. You're a rockstar bb:)
Port Townsend: on the Olympic Peninsula of Washington State-where some of Officer and a Gentleman was filmed. I have no idea why I know this...
Used lots of lines from: "Reality Bites"
Oh, and I don't live in L.A. used to spend a few weeks in the summer there as a kid, but I consult Google a lot so if I screw up a locale or info- I'll be blaming the Big G.
I have nothing against show tunes or Evian...mostly.;)