I apologise that it ahs taken me so long to apdat but life got very hectic, anyway hop you enjo this chapter and please REVIEW

I do not own Downton Abbey or any of its characters

Her heart yearned to see him, even from just across a crowded room, just to know that he was ok, physically at least. It had been a week since their horror of a conversation out in the field, where she tearfully told him the truth about Kamal Pamuk. Tomorrow they left for London for the summer season, she so hoped that she could see him at least once before they left.

After he had left in the field, after their conversation she stood their staring at the house for hours, Anna had come looking for her in the late afternoon. She remembered that conversation clearly….

Anna approached Mary calmly as she spotted her standing out in the middle of the field. Then she saw it, for the second time in all her years working for Lady Mary, she saw her cry, Lady Mary Crawley was openly crying in the middle of the field.

"Are you alright Milady?" Mary jumped so startled when she heard Anna's voice loud and clear right beside her. She hadn't seen Anna approach her she had just been so out of it she had almost forgotten about the rest of the world existed. Mary had been so consumed by pain since Matthew had left her standing in the field that somehow she had drifted into another universe just filled with pain.

"No Anna, I'm not alright." Mary hurriedly tried to wipe away the tears that were dripping down her face. The effort of course was useless they kept coming, no matter how many times she tried to wipe them away. Forgetting herself for a second she put her hand on Anna's shoulder, before pulling her into a hug. Anna Shocked for a second just stood there, before breaking out of her shock and wrapping her small arms around Mary.

After a couple of minutes Mary slowly pulled away and stood in front of Anna. Mary couldn't help but think about how lucky she was to have Anna, not just as a lady's maid but a friend, a true friend like her.

"What happened Lady Mary?" Anna's brown eyes were filled with sorrow and concerned as she looked at Mary's tear stained face. She knew it must have been something really horrid to have made Mary react in this way.

"I told him Anna,….. I told Matthew the truth…. I told him about….. the night …. the night Pamuk died." Mary words were as strained and broken as she struggled to get her breath back. Anna looked at her shocked for a second before her face changed to an expression of kindness and understanding.

"Come on, let's get you inside" Anna put an arm around Mary's shoulder and slowly lead her back to the house.

Since then Anna had looked after Mary, given her a shoulder to cry on and reminding her that everything would be alright one day even if it doesn't seem so at the moment.

Her family had asked if anything had happened between her and Matthew, and if that was why he had not come by for the past week, every time they did she tried to change the subject. Her mother of course knew the truth but had somehow managed to keep her mouth shut about it and she hadn't asked about it either, to which Mary was quite thankful for.

For the past week Matthew had been in somewhat confused state, he wasn't sure whether he was angry or sad or whether or not he had a right to be either. Mary's confession had really thrown him. He hadn't been up to Downton for fear of what he would say if he were to see Mary, he didn't want to ever say something he would regret to her, whatever their situation.

His week had been filled it polite chit chat with his mother and long walks through the town. He had been so distracted, trying to muddle through everything. He didn't know what to do, what to think. There were a few things however that he was sure of he just wasn't sure how to tell anyone, but he hadn't yet been able to put the feeling of these things into words himself. So for now he would just have to continue to struggle with his own mind.

"Matthew whatever is the matter, ever since you went to see Mary last week, you have been so distant" Isobel had been so worried about him she had never seen him like this before. He just seemed so distant and sad. She so hoped that he would let her help him, she knew if he just talked to someone about what was going on it would help.

"I'm sorry mother it's just…. She told me something and now I have to figure out how I feel about it." Matthew looked at the concern and the worry that had been etched into every cell of her kind face. He had always hated it when he had caused her to worry, especially after his father had died. But there simply didn't seem to be a way for him to avoid doing it to her this time, she would have to accept that he was strangling with something that he felt she couldn't possibly help him through this time and he knew that's all she wanted to do, help him through whatever it was.

"I'm going for a walk in the town, I shall see you at luncheon, try not to worry about me so much, mother" with that Matthew donned his hat with a heavy sigh bent his head and headed out the door, the crisp morning air sent a shiver down his spine as he walked through the gate and into the town.

It often amazed him that he felt so confused and small, yet the rest of the world just kept going as if nothing at all had changed. But it had changed, Matthews world had changed due to one simple conversation, with one of the few people in his world that had always seemed so full of truth and clarity to him. But that wasn't the truth at all, the world he thought he knew was no longer yet everything seemed to remain the same.

There were moments in his confusion when he felt relief almost about what she had told him, she was no longer in his eyes the straight backed Lady Mary Crawley that said it was a joke the first day the meet. She was no longer the heiress that sat so high without a single kink in her armour, which he used to be almost afraid of speaking his true mind to. No, she no longer was that high up heiress, her armour had a kink and yet the part that scared Matthew and confused him the most was that that imperfection that was now there somehow made her even more perfect in his eyes.

He just simply didn't understand how finding out her biggest secret could do that.