EPOV
The sound of Bella calling my name woke me up from some fucked up dream where I was a womanizing journalist in Paris one minute and some asset manager in the back of a limo in New York the next.
There was something about some guy named Bellamy, a bottle and sunglasses, but I lost all the details when Bella started moaning.
She had attacked me more times than I could count recently. Not that I was complaining, but apparently her subconscious didn't think she was getting enough because I knew those moans.
Pregnancy hormones had turned her into to a sex addict and I was in no hurry to get her into any type of rehabilitation program.
The energy it would have taken her to complete a twelve step I could put to much better use.
She wouldn't last seven days, let alone seventy. She was in extraordinarily good company, since Slugger was all to happy to be her enabler. She was like a woman possessed, but her constant preoccupation with my cock, along with filming and every fucking other thing that could come up, kept distracting or interrupting me from my goal.
I was going to propose to Bella.
There was no question in my head, I knew she was it for me and I wanted to make it official as soon as possible. I had already gotten the ring designed and tried to propose a handful of times, but each time, I either talked myself out of it or got interrupted by one thing or another. I took it as a sign that I should probably wait and do the right thing by asking Charlie for his blessing. At the very least, I figured he would show me some leniency when I told him Bella was pregnant and not kill me on sight.
Asking him over the phone was tactless, although doing that way would probably only ensure me another few hours before the FBI kicked in my front door and dragged me off to some unknown location to torture me to death. I knew that I wanted to do it in person, so when Bella told me she wanted to wait until she was in her second trimester to tell her parents about the baby, I decided it would be a great opportunity to allow us to do both.
The small, tiny, insignificant detail was that I had no way to justify to Bella why I was inviting her parents to California, without tipping her off to what I was planning to do.
I was taking my life in my fucking hands anyway by proposing, adding her parents to the mix wouldn't make me any more dead.
With her hormones inciting riots and taking totalitarian control over her, it was too hard to gauge her landmines anymore, but I was guessing her stance on marriage hadn't changed all that much and touching on it could blow up in my face.
Walken's character from the Deer Hunter was less mindfucked than I was dealing with a pregnant woman in Los Angeles.
Russian Roulette would have been an less dangerous endeavor than handling a hormonal Bella.
She moaned again, and shifted in her sleep, a smile on her flushed face.
"At least it was me she was dreaming about," I thought as I listened to her. Slugger was urging me to wake her up with a live version of whatever her subconscious was entertaining her with now, but before I could make a move, she woke up.
She looked startled and confused, maybe it wasn't a sex dream at all. Maybe she was having a nightmare.
I read that women can cum in their sleep while their pregnant, which shocked the hell out of me.
I think I've read more about pregnancy and babies than Bella has. The amount of information out there on everything pregnancy and baby related was overwhelming. It was only when the hormones really took over her entire fucking being and I started to think I might need to do some type of exorcism, that I really started to look through all of it. It helped me realize that she was actually normal, and that holy water and a crucifix wouldn't be necessary.
Not yet anyway.
She finally explained her dream was vivid and started checking my teeth, saying something about a cleaning. She seemed really embarrassed, which raised my curiosity, wondering what she could possibly have been dreaming of that had her that unsettled. After grabbing her and keeping her next to me, she started explaining about some demented vampire dream, in which I had apparently bitten her.
I thought she had to be kidding. I never pegged Bella for fantasy role player, unless she was the succubus and I was the unwitting victim.
I could think of worse ways to die.
She had the same look in her eyes that she did every time she was about to attack me. That oh my god please come fuck me look that I had come to know so well was staring back at me. Her deep brown eyes pleading with me to play along.
Fuck. She didn't have to ask me twice.
I tilted her head back, elongating her neck and skimming my mouth up to just below her ear before I bit gently, then added a little more pressure.
The moan and the exclamation she made caught me off guard. She was really fucking into the whole vampire thing. I had the brief thought of getting a hold of some episodes of True Blood and try to figure out the appeal.
I joked with her about it, but she become completely offended and took off down the stairs. I felt like shit for making her cry, but it seemed to be happening more and more. Any innocent or offhand comment could make her cry and I should have known better than to run my fucking mouth.
Or speak at all.
I got up a few minutes later, and put the ring in my pajama pocket. I don't know what made me bring the ring downstairs considering she was pissed at me. Actually, her hormones were pissed at me.
Stupid fucking hormones.
I went down fully prepared to apologize for upsetting her, but as I got to the steps I heard a muted crash and Bella yelling. I got into the kitchen to see Bella picking up pieces of pineapple.
She was a crying and pissed off, throwing the chunks into the garbage. She was in my tee shirt, which she refused to sleep without, because she couldn't get enough of my scent. Which I didn't know if I found creepy or cute.
Was that supposed to be a compliment?
As long as she didn't tell me I smelled like fucking honey, lilacs and sun or something.
What fucking guy would smell like that?
I hurriedly started scouting the fridge for more pineapple, knowing Bella was probably right about us being out, since she seemed to know exactly what and how much of every type of food we had in the house.
I offered her the apple in lieu of the pineapple, and it brought the most beautiful fucking smile to her face and her laugh echoed in the kitchen. Then when when she started twisting it and told me about the game that went along with it, the opening that I had been waiting for just presented itself. It didn't matter what letter she ended up on, because in that minute, watching the sun starting to come up and the little smile on her face as she twirled the apple, she had never looked more beautiful and I had never been so sure of anything in my entire life.
I knew Bella's parents were coming in later in the day, and that I really should ask Charlie first, but if she flat out refused me or killed me after I did, his blessing wouldn't have much use to me.
When she started to cry after I asked her, and not imminently fly into a tirade, I thought I had misinterpreted the timing, but I wanted to marry her and I had taken enough time waiting, timing and plotting for something that should be so simple.
Maybe this isn't what she envisioned? Not that I thought Bella envisioned a marriage proposal of any kind. Or maybe her hormones had brought her body up to Defcon 5 and she had no control.
She looked more shocked than angry. I couldn't help doubt what I had just done and the way I had gone about it, wondering if I just loaded the bullet into the chamber and handed the gun to Bella and her hormones.
Shit, you just proposed to her in the kitchen, could you be any more unromantic or stupid.
There are fucking knives within reach for godsake you douche!
So much from keeping her away from sharp objects.
She didn't make a move for the cheese grater in attempt to shred my balls at least, so I thought I was in good shape.
Was she having doubts about me?
I expected her to start ranting or throwing things, but she didn't move, in fact, I could tell she was fighting to hold her tongue.
Which scared the hell out of me.
I opened my mouth to attempt to convince her to not over think this, but she silently asked me to stop.
I could almost see the thought process going on behind her eyes.
It's too fast.
You're fucking insane.
It's not going to last.
You're fucking insane!
When she finally answered that I didn't have to do this. It took everything I had not to be pissed off at myself. I had been planning the how and the words and the place, her reaction and counter measures to the jujitsu she was sure to start busting out, but I never once thought of this scenario.
I should have known that's how it would look.
I refused to let her answer deter me. She had to know this came from a real fucking place, her having my child was just part of the equation. I decided to tell Tic Tac a story, knowing she would hear it and I would hopefully tell her everything she needed to know and give me everything I ever wanted.
I worked my magic, said a prayer, and pulled the trigger.
I heard a soft "click" when I slipped the ring on her finger and the beautiful girl agreed to be mine. Marveling at how I wasn't dead and thinking I owed Damon a fucking fruit basket. I had gotten way more than her number, and I loved those apples.
Later, I reloaded the gun and told her I had invited her parents to Los Angeles, that's when my life flashed before my eyes and Bella's screeching deafened me. Luckily, Bella was a sex addict and I was her dealer, so it wasn't long before her shrieks turned back into moans, and she was blissfully strung out on E.
Click.
**Sexy Silk**
Four hours and thirty minutes later, I was waiting for Charlie at Musso and Frank's. I spent a large amount of time trying to figure out how to tweak what I was going to say to him, now that the situation had changed and Bella and I were already engaged.
The effects of her high slowly wore off and her threats of castration and sodomy with hot, sharp implements started up because I was leaving her alone with her mother. It didn't necessarily mean she wouldn't still marry me.
Being the optimist that I was, I was going to keep telling myself until I believed it.
Enjoy that optimism when Tic Tac is an only child and you're a fucking eunuch.
It's only a few minutes after I'm sitting there that Charlie showed up. Looking weary, but gruff and serious.
You loaded the shot, time to spin the cylinder.
He shook my hand, greeted me briefly and quickly took his seat.
Before I could really say anything, the waiter started listing off the house wines, and Charlie immediately cut him off.
"Do you have beer?"
"We have some wonderful imported..."
Charlie interrupted again. "No. No imports. Sam Adams will work just fine."
I ordered the same and Charlie flashed me a lukewarm smile as he left. I suddenly felt like I was doing a Sam Adams commercial, but instead of being some ass kissing corporate climber, I was the ass kissing future son-in-law and father of his grandchild, who was mentally hoping that he didn't have a fucking concealed weapons permit.
"Did you and Mrs. Sawn have a nice flight?" I broached, wondering how the hell I was going to breaking into by the way I'm marrying your daughter and we're having a baby. Travel seemed like a safer subject.
"It was alright as those things go. I hate flying," he explained shortly.
"Renee mentioned that, I'm glad that you could make the trip though," I responded genuinely. "The weather is really nice right now."
You've had how many fucking weeks to prepare for this and you are making conversation about the weather?
Charlie narrowed his eyes, sizing me up and rested back in his chair for a minute, before leaning forward and putting his hands folded on the table.
"So Edward, did you want to cut to the chase before he tries to push a salad on me? Or were we going to keep pretending you asked me to fly eleven hundred miles to talk about the weather right through desert?"
Definitely no doubt where Bella got her no bullshit tolerance from.
Fuck. Might as well start with the simpler of the two.
"Well, I had been hoping to ask for your consent to ask Bella to marry me."
He gave me a disbelieving look, exhaled and rubbed his hand over his chin while he apparently deliberated. "Impressive kid. Your folks have taught you pretty well. So you want me to... what...give you my blessing or something?"
"That's what I had been intending," I skirted.
"Do you think you're good enough for her?" he asked me point blank.
That was surprisingly blunt.
This is Bella's father.
The waiter came back then, giving us our drinks and listing off specials, before we told him we would need a few minutes to decide. I was grateful for the opportunity to stall and really think about how the hell I was going to answer.
Was there any way to answer this question without sounding like I was reading from a fucking script? Because answering honestly was going to sound like I was only telling him something he wanted to hear.
A thought flashed into my head of years from now when I would presumably meet my daughter's boyfriend. When she was thirty or I was medicated because I would probably kill any pimple faced fucker that even breathed wrong near her.
Nobody would ever be good enough for her.
"No I'm not, and nobody ever will be, but I'd like to try to make her happy and be her husband for as long as she'll have me."
He looked me over again and settled back in his seat. "Kid the world looks at you differently, because of what you do...because of your name. Some of those women think touching you is some damn..." he trailed off grasping for words. "...religious experience... and they have stars in their eyes over it."
"I think that's an exaggeration..." I trailed off, knowing that when it came to some women, that was absolutely true.
He shot me a pointed stare, that said, good answer even though I know you're full of shit. "That's how you should think of my daughter."
My answer was immediate. "I already do."
Charlie nodded stiffly. "I've made peace with what you do, because Bella has and because you've shown that you're not like your peers, but one slip and they will be prying your remains off those inlaid star streets, understood?"
Made peace? I wasn't a fucking hit man or mass murderer. When I started offing people with pens and televisions, then maybe he could talk.
I held my fucking tongue though, knowing that arguing the point wasn't going to help my case.
"Yes Sir."
"That is, if Bella doesn't take matters into her own hands. In which case, I'll help her bury what's left of you."
I nodded quickly, breathing in deeply and getting ready to reload the gun a final time.
He smirked and relaxed slightly. "As long as you can convince Bella and she says yes, you can have my blessing, for whatever it's worth."
"Thank you, Sir."
"Given the circumstances, you can call me Charlie."
"Thanks Charlie."
"I take it you're intending on asking her soon?" his question broke my thoughts.
I swallowed thickly. "I asked her this morning."
He started looking me over again. "She didn't shoot you, so you're off to a good start. What'd she say?"
"She said I didn't have to," I mumbled before I realized what I had said.
Fuck. Did you want to shoot your own fucking foot before you stuck the gun to your temple?
"You two haven't dated very long," he tried to explain Bella's hesitation. "Bella thinks with her head not her heart first. She's all logistics and risk assessment, she's not ruled by her emotions."
Except for when she's pregnant. I mentally corrected. Then pineapple falling on the floor, or the last Twinkie in the box could start her crying in seconds.
"That's true, but I quickly got her to say yes," I confided.
The real boom hadn't even been lowered yet and my nerves were shot to hell.
Bad analogy.
I picked up my beer and started taking a drink to stop the dryness in my throat.
"She could do worse," he smirked and took a swig from his bottle, before placing it back down. "How far along is she?"
I started choking, coughing loudly a few times before I could breathe again. I started running through how the hell he would have known and briefly wondered how much longer I had to live before Special Forces smashed through the window to slaughter me.
"How...How did you know?" I asked in a strained voice, dumbfounded.
"Kid, you're pasty, fidgeting and can hardly look me in the eye," he explained with a slightly smug expression. "You look you're in an interrogation room and I'm pressing you to confess to a murder. Now, I may have been a cop, but it doesn't take police force training to detect when something is off."
So much for putting on a smooth front. Some fucking actor you are.
"And for the record..." he grinned widely, although somewhat menacingly. "You just told me."
Boom.
**Sexy Silk**
BPOV
Four hours and thirty minutes later, I was opening my front door to my mother. I had managed to not slice up Edward like a fucking tomato from a Ginsu commercial, but I was still pissed that he did this shit behind my back.
I was half tempted to start a fucking rumor that he had some kinky flower sex fetish.
Let the Hollywood Reporter take care of the rest.
"I'm not even going to dignify that with a fucking response," Tulip huffed.
I had taken the ring off, wanting to break Renee in slowly to this whole fucking engagement/baby combo deal and to give my hearing a few last minutes of use, before I went fucking tone deaf from air horn mimicking screams.
Edward, that fucking traitor, convinced me it would be better to keep his plans of meeting them separately intact. There was something about a dividing and conquering, but I couldn't be sure because he had just divided my legs and conquered me...again. The stupid fucking hormones and Tulip had signed a pact and were all too happy to silence Pita's rambling's in order to score some time with Slugger.
I think Edward was hoping Charlie would shoot him after the words "knocked up" and "engaged" came out of his mouth, and he wouldn't have to deal with my mother's screaming, and subsequent psychotic episode where she could possibly hyperventilate, fall and hit her head on our coffee table, and knock herself out cold.
Then again, I might have gotten the better end of the deal if that happened.
She walked up quickly, while whipping her head around. Her awed smile growing ever wider as she got closer to the door.
"Bella!" she squealed, her arms outstretched as she reached me.
"Hey mom." I returned her hug, hoping she couldn't immediately tell anything was different. Even though Tic Tac was only about the size of a lime, I still felt like she'd be able to sniff me or something and know. It's not like she could smell "engaged" on me.
"She's your mother, she'd be able to tell if you were even thinking the word baby or wedding. Tread lightly bitch," Pita warned.
"You're paranoid!" Tulip chastised. "Next you'll think everyone is coming to get you!"
"I'm not sick, but I'm not well," Pita admitted.
"Oh my God! This place is so huge!" she started in, jarring me. "The driveway alone is bigger than our house in Forks, and the yard! Do you have gardeners? Of course you do, but it must be a lot of work to keep that hedge so well manicured and that gate is just something else and..." the driver placed her bags at the door, giving me a look of empathy and rubbing his ear as he left.
"Mom!" I interrupted. "Did you want to come in or stand out admiring the shrubs all day?"
As she smiled and came into the house, Pita started setting up her soundproof booth and cussing out Edward for inviting my mother here.
Why didn't I get that fucking concealed weapons permit again?
I'd be sure his name was mentioned in that remembrance montage at the Oscars, it was the least I could fucking do.
"You don't really want to hurt him," Pita reminded. "Not mortally anyway, maiming is sounding better though."
"Oh wow! Would you look at this place?" she squealed. "It's like Robin Leach is going to walk in here and start explaining every detail! Oh Bella, it's just gorgeous, Baby."
I jumped at the term of endearment. Fuck did she know?
Renee's delighted squeal echoed off the fucking walls. "I just cannot believe it! My little girl is in love and happy, living in a mansion and dating Edward Cullen!" She hugged me again.
"Thanks," I mumbled. "It's home."
"Oh and you have a pool?" she exclaimed, almost pressing her face against the glass door as she gaped. I imagined the fucking woman for the Mervyn's commercial standing there going "Open. Open. Open."
I could practically hear the Beverly Hillbillies theme song that I'm sure was playing in her head.
"Swimming Pools. Movie stars," Pita mumbled
"Would you look at this kitchen?" she shrieked, losing focus again as she detached herself from the patio door and began wandering towards the kitchen island. "Have you gotten any better at cooking? I really should have tried to teach you more, but you had no patience for it said it was a cliche for a woman to be in the kitchen. I guess you have a personal chef now who caters to whatever you want, so you really don't need to know, but I think you should try to make Edward something just to let him know you can cook because..."
Oh my fucking god! Doesn't she fucking need to breathe? Please tell me my rambling wasn't going to get this epically bad after I had the baby.
"Mom, we don't have a chef. Edward cooks and if he's not here, it's pretty fucking easy to get something delivered," I informed.
"Oh." Her face fell. "It's just that's it's so big and it seems a shame to let it go to waste. Maybe now since you're not working you can take some classes? It really isn't that hard to learn! I could give you my lasagna recipe and you could practice that and..."
I hadn't told her about the job with Irina yet either.
"I'm actually going to be extremely busy here in the next few months," I corrected. "I have a new job."
"Or three," Pita amended.
Her eyes glowed. It was creeping me the fuck out the way she was looking at me. "Really?"
"I'm going to be working on a film mom. Assistant designer." She started walking towards the dining room again and I followed her.
I wanted to fucking kill Edward for basically ambushing me with her and not having the fucking guts to even be here.
"He may be a causality of your dad's Glock right now," Pita reminded.
"Oh Honey, that's so exciting! It's what you've always wanted!" she squealed and hugged me.
"Yeah," I agreed. Though now that I was thinking about it, it seemed like such a minimal thing that was coming to pass in my life.
"So, it's just us girls for a while since your father and stud boyfriend are meeting up. Let's talk!"
"Did she just call our fiance a stud?" Pita groaned and shivered.
"No much to tell," I lied, chickening the fuck out.
She looked me over, like she was trying to x-ray me for something.
"Do you want something to drink?" I asked, hoping to get out of whatever full body scan she was trying to perform.
"Sure, do you have water?"
"Might be hard to come by," I answered sarcastically.
She was shouting something about tap, and no bubbles unless we had a certain brand, but not mineral because...at which point I tuned out and start gathering up the different kinds of water we did have to let her fucking pick.
"I think your grandma has lost her fucking mind Tic Tac," I whispered, running my fingers over my tiny bump, as I placed a bottle of Perrier water on the island.
I caught the slightest glimpse of something out of the corner of my eye. My mother had been fucking standing behind me in the entryway and the look on her face was unmistakable.
Her hands were covering her mouth and her eyes were wide and searching mine, as she shook where she stood "Bella, why..." she gasped. "Did you say Grand...? Why were you...?"
She was trying and failing to articulate words. This was first.
"Are you...?" she tried again, but didn't finish.
"Tic Tac's outta the bag now," Pita shrugged.
"Bella?" She took a couple of unsteady steps forward "Did you just talk to your stomach? You're not... Are you preg..." she started in on the word, but bit her tongue. "Why were you talking to your stomach?"
"Mom, let's just go back in the dining room, sit you down and..."
"I am not moving from this spot Isabella Marie until you answer my question!" she interrupted in a sterner tone than she had ever used with me.
I took a deep breath, knowing the moment was upon me and I was out of time. "Yes, I'm pregnant Mom, now stop..."
I didn't get to finish, because the air-raid siren was put to shame while my mother jumped, squeezed me like a fucking boa constrictor and deafened me in one instant.
I hoped my kid cage was protecting Tic Tac's little earbuds from his grandmother's glass shattering shrieking
"You're pregnant? You're really pregnant?" She had my face in both of her hands and was giggling hysterically with tears in her eyes that were slowly escaping. "My baby is going to have a baby?"
Her slow tears turned into full on waterworks "Oh Honey, you can take the girl out of the town...I never thought I'd see the day! If Edward was here I would just..."
"Oh god. Please don't finish that sentence!" Pita pleaded.
I don't know why, but seeing her so happy caused me to start in with the fucking water works too.
"I'm so happy you're here," I admitted.
Stupid fucking hormones.
"How far along are you? Are you taking prenatals? Do you have a doctor? What about your diet? Are you eating enough fiber? Because when I was pregnant with you I swear I had these hemorrhoids that.."
"Oh fuck mom," I groaned. "Enflamed ass tissue is number one on the top five things I never want to talk about with you."
"I was just trying to help you Sweetie, because you are going to need it."
"Well, let's start with anything else," I pleaded.
Alright, I don't want to upset my...grand baby." She started crying again passed a hand over my stomach.
"Who the fuck do they think we are? Buddha? We aren't going to bring them good luck!" Pita complained.
She was acting like he was some fucking golden child or something. He was to me, but I was his mother, I had an estrogen infused reason to believe he was going to be a kick ass little guy.
He was related to me after all, and I was pretty fucking awesome, even if I was slowly becoming my mother's daughter, and was fully acquainted with the insane side of the crazy tree. I was hoping the insanity wouldn't leach into Tic Tac too much. Maybe Edward's genes would act as a temper, and actually balance the kid out enough so we didn't have to name him Damien.
"You know his nanny is going to off herself way before his fifth birthday," Pita informed.
"Oh, no. I'm not doing all this work so some weak ass bitch can raise him! I don't care if the kid has a triple six birthmark on his fucking forehead! This is all for you Tic Tac!" Tulip ranted.
"Well, that secures my theory a little more," Mom said, through little gasps as we both started to calm down.
"What theory?" I asked, still trying to choke off my stupid tears.
"Why Edward asked your father and I here," she answered with a mysterious grin. Like she had some fucking secret that I didn't know about.
"Why do you think that is mom?" Like I didn't fucking know.
She smashed her face up, like she was debating answering me, but I knew my mother and she couldn't keep a secret for anything.
She did a little bounce and clapped her hands. "Well, I don't want to get your hopes up, but I really do think, Edward had every intention of..."
"Jesus mom! Just spit it out," I interrupted, exasperated. I already knew what her hunch was, because the proof was tucked in a cabinet behind me, nestled in a little black box.
"I really think he's going to propose." She whispered the last word like it was a secret and looked around.
I rolled my eyes. I knew she was going to scream. I knew I wasn't going to be able to escape it.
"Mom, Edward doesn't believe in marriage," I answered straight-faced.
"What are you doing?" Pita screamed. "She's finally gone off the deep-end. The hormones have taken over my last strong hold."
"Resistance is futile," Tulip affirmed.
She flashed me a patronizing look. "Are you sure you're not thinking of you?"
"No, we had a long talk. He told me flat out that he thinks the institution is ancient and he'd rather gouge his eyes out with rusty nails and I agreed with him completely."
"Yeah, he's not so fucking golden now is he?" Pita snickered.
She chewed this over for a minute, her eyes focusing on nothing in particular as she tried to work through it. It was amusing to see the she better be fucking joking look flash across her face. At least I could have some fun with her before I lost my hearing.
"Really mom, I'm pregnant." She squealed a little before I could finish and clasped my hands my hands in hers. "It doesn't mean we have to run to the altar like it's fucking required. They're not going to put me into the stockades or something."
"Oh Bella, I think you're wrong about Edward, I know I don't know him well but..."
"Really Mom? You really think he would propose? We've been together for a few months," I questioned in a disbelieving tone, casting her an eye roll for good measure.
"Well, it's absolutely possible Bella," she insisted.
"It's laughable, actually. My life isn't some fucking Lifetime movie or something," I countered, opening a bottle of water.
"Well, why else would he call us, and insist we come down? Is he..not happy about the baby? I know you well enough to know you didn't get pregnant on purpose, because you told me you never wanted children, which crushed me every day and made me think that I'd never be a grandma, but maybe he thinks you did it on purpose to trap him and if he thinks that, then he's honestly not good enough for..."
"Mom!" I interrupted again. "He's happy about the baby! He knows I had no intention of trapping him."
"Oh, well good," she asserted smoothing out her hair a little.
It was time to stop fucking with her, before she assumed something she would probably regret, and I would find fucking hysterical.
"You can't have such a fucking fairytale mind set," I chastised. "He may be an actor, but this isn't a movie. People have different ways of doing things now, and I'm not some fucking teenager in an eighties movie."
"You've been really unsuccessful with keeping your mouth shut young lady," Pita snickered.
"We won't even get into shutting your legs," Tulip grumbled.
"Bella, I'm not naive and I'm not as old fashioned as all that, but I have just have this feeling that I'm right," she replied defensively.
It took everything I had to keep a straight face. "Right mom, and to stick with your cliched storybook assumption, how do you think he would do it?"
"Well, I don't know...I'm not..."
"You think he would pick the most random, but somehow perfect fucking moment to spring a huge ring from nowhere?" I questioned, seemingly upset.
"Bella, I don't know, but..."
"And when I told him he didn't have to ask just because I was pregnant, he would sit me down and tell the baby a story about how we met and how perfect we are for one another, making me cry and rethink what I truly wanted," I continued cutting her off, my voice dripping with sarcasm.
"Then, when I finally accepted he would put the gorgeous fucking ring on my finger? And we would... what? Have some perfect little family?" I was acting more indignant than I knew I was capable of.
"Bullshit," Pita coughed.
My mother was staring at me wide-eyed, looking stunned and confused. Trying to figure me out, but not speaking.
If I would have known that acting like a fucking crazy person would have silenced her, I would have tried this years ago. I went over to my hiding place and grabbed the ring back out of the box and quickly slipped it on. Scarily, I felt naked without it already.
I hid my hand as I tromped back over to the island where she was sitting, looking defeated for a minute before resting my chin on my left hand, as my elbow leaned on the table and I looked at her.
"Where would you get a crazy ass story like that?" I asked with a smirk.
She answered me by lengthening the crack in the fucking windowpane.
A/N: Happy 2012! What did you think of the split POV?
Deer Hunter, GWH, Grosse Pointe Blank, and For Keeps References. The Rob quote was the prenup comment made by Tulip-as a few of you knew:)
As always let me know what you all think- (I know, I faded to black last chapter- I promise to make up for it;)
Still trying to work one more chapter in before the conclusion. If not, I will post it as an outtake.
*waves to all the new readers and thanks the long times ones for spreading the word*