The Heart Wants what the Heart Wants: It gets Worse at Night

I tell my Clanmates goodnight and walk over to the deputy's room. In ThunderClan, the deputy has his or her own separate house. As soon as I step inside, I pull my shirt off. The necklace I wear around my neck swings back and forth. I grab onto it and hold it in my hand. When I walked out on Squirrelflight, I took off my wedding ring. I didn't throw it away or give it to her. I kept my ring. The ring now hangs from an old dog-tag necklace chain. So technically, I still wear my ring.

I feel a sharp pain in my chest, and I remove the chain from around my neck. I set the necklace on my dresser. As I walk into the bathroom and turn the shower on, my cell phone rings. I walk back into the bedroom and pick it up. The caller id reads: Squirrelflight. I press the green button and put the phone up to my ear.

"Hello?"

"Hi! It's me, Squirrelflight. Um, how are you?" Hearing her voice sent small ripples of pain throughout my body.

"I'm okay. I was just about to get in the shower. How are you? You seemed pretty upset earlier."

"I'm okay, too. I just get really sad sometimes, you know? Even though Leafpool comes over a lot, I still feel pretty lonely. Um, sorry to bother you. I didn't know you were about to get in the shower. I was just wondering if you okay. I still care about you, Brambleclaw." Liar! She's lying to you! She doesn't care, she never did! Anger sparks through me.

"Actually, Squirrelflight, you never cared. Stop pretending like you did because it really hurts. I loved you so much, Squirrelflight! You meant the world to me! I just can't believe you played me the way you did. But props to you for being such an amazing actress. You actually had me believing that you loved me." Squirrelflight sucks in a sharp breath.

"I did love you. You were everything to me… You still mean everything to me. I wasn't pretending or acting! I really felt that way for you."

"Why don't you do me a favor and stop lying to me! All you have ever done to me is lie! I'm tired of it. You're a liar, Squirrelflight. Please, stop calling me. Stop talking to me. I'm through with you."

"Bramble-" I don't hear what she was going to say. I hang up the phone. Anger surges through me. How dare she lie to me! Again! How, why did you ever love her, Brambleclaw? What were you thinking?!

With a frustrated cry, I hurl my phone into the wall. I watch as the phone shatters and I collapse to the ground. "I did love you. You were everything to me…" Squirrelflight's words swarm through my head like a swarm of bees. The words continue to swirl and storm through my mind until I can't take it anymore. Sobs rack my body and before I know it, I'm wailing. Tears pour from my eyes like the water running from my shower faucet. My face contorts with pain and I curl myself into a ball.

I stand up, still in tears and walk into the bathroom. I strip the rest of my clothes from my body and step into the shower. I turn the water up to the hottest setting. Scalding hot water burns my skin, and my tears finally cease to fall. I wash my body and hair, turn off the shower and grab a towel. I wrap the towel around my waist.

After I dry myself off, I put on an old pair of sweatpants. Exhausted, I crawl into my empty bed, switch off the lights and lie alone. I decide this bed is too big for one person. I roll onto my side and reach under my pillow. I pull out a picture of Squirrelflight and me together.

"Oh, Squirrelflight. We were great together. I was so happy. You were happy too, at least you pretended to be. I don't understand why you don't love me. I was so good to you. Maybe I wasn't good enough for you. I mean, you were always way out of my league." I smile softly, "You were something else, pretty girl. I hope you find someone to love one day. And I hope he treats you right. He has to, or he'll have something else in store for him. You're my baby, I- I love you. I always will, precious.

'I've never felt like this. You know, sweetheart, being without you is really hard during the day. It's even harder at night. One day when I forgive you, I'm going to make you fall for me. I know I can… I just want you to love me back. Until then, take good care of yourself. I love you, sweet dreams." I kiss the picture of her softly, close my eyes and let sleep over come me.

So sad. Poor, poor Brambleclaw. He misses his baby girl. What do you guys think? Should Brambleclaw pretend like he doesn't like her because he want to convince himself that he doesn't care? Or should he still let himself believe he still loves her? Tell me in the reviews! By the way, I just wanted to say that they are humans because it is easier for me to write that way. They are humans because it allows me to express more emotion. I know perfectly well that warriors are cats, but this is a fanfiction. This is my take on things. It is human AU story. Thank you.

~Honeyleaf