Kakashi was going to hell.

As the ninja walked through the village as quickly as possible, he could almost feel the Hokage's eyes following him. He knew he shouldn't have trusted Sakura, who was currently walking beside him, red in the face from holding back laughter. Damn it.

"Stop it. It's not funny." Her laughter exploded from her chest and attracted the attention of everyone within a mile radius. Not what he needed right now. He knew Tsunade would rip him a new one when she caught up with him.

"Could you please keep it down? Your surrogate mother is going to kill me and display my carcass as a warning to all handsome young men like me to keep away from you." Sakura only chuckled harder.

"Handsome young men like you? I think you need to lower that mask and have a good look at yourself sensei." She grinned at the death glare he sent her way. "Besides, I'm not pregnant and I told her it wouldn't happen again as long as I'm sober."

Kakashi face-palmed in disbelief. "You said what? Oh god, I think I'm doomed. I'd rather face Sasuke right about now."

"Oh for heaven's sake. Look, it won't happen again as long as we're both careful and sober. We were both out of it that night, neither of us were aware of what we were doing..."

"That night? What about the following morning?"

"Don't put the blame on me! You were as eager as I was! I told the hokage about that too."

Kakashi tripped over his own feet in shock and received a few stares from his fellow colleagues. The copy ninja rarely embarrassed himself in such a clumsy fashion in public. But he was beyond caring by this point. "Do you actually want me to die? Because it certainly seems so from my point of view."

"Says the man with his headband over one eye. By the way isn't that really annoying?"

"Stop being cheeky! I can see very well with one eye. And just because you're sixteen doesn't mean you can start talking to me like that. What's so funny now?" he snapped as she choked once more on air.'

"Talking to you like that? You are joking right? Because I had you begging the next morning..."

"Oh fine! You win! I'm a terrible teacher, a horny old man..."

"A perverted horny old man."

"Fine. And also I was rather randy that day okay. Besides, I still think some of the blame should be put on you. It takes two to tango after all.

Sakura bit her lip. "Two to tango? Have you been hanging out with Gai recently? Actually, I'd rather not know, so don't answer that. Where are we headed?"

"My apartment. I'm running away."

"Ha ha, very funny. No seriously, where are we going?"

"What makes you thing there's a 'we' in my plan? I'm going to hide until this little mishap has died down."

"Little mishap? Tsunade is going to feed you your own balls for lunch. I recommended that one to her."

"What?"

"Don't panic! They taste really nice."

Kakashi was sweating under his mask. "I really like my balls. Why did you recommend that she feed them to me?"

Having arrived outside his apartment block, they began to climb the stairs. "Well, I gave her all the details and she came to the conclusion herself. She tucked a pair of scissors into her belt when I left."

"I'm doomed."

"Maybe. Maybe not. Can I come in?"

"Yeah, whatever." She smirked at his bored tone, knowing that deep down he was quite genuinely afraid for his own health and safety.

"What do you have in your fridge?"

"Leftovers of Ramen. Help yourself."

They didn't talk for the next twenty minutes, as she sucked on her noodles in a not very innocent way, her eyes glued to his face to watch his reactions. He wasn't fairing too well.

"Do you have to slurp like that?"

"Am I turning you on?"

"As a matter of fact yes. You're turning me on and heating me up like a microwave. Is that what you wanted to hear?"

She sniggered, which caused Ramen to shoot out of her nose. Kakashi roared with laughter at the sight of her and her head snapped up to meet his gaze. She'd never seen him laugh before or seen him look so carefree. Then he remembered that before nightfall he was going to be castrated and regained his composure.

"Serves you right." He watched as she plucked the sticky strings of noodles from her nose. "I wouldn't eat them now, if I were you."

She shot him a withering look. "That's why I can't eat and laugh at the same time. It's happened to Naruto tons of times." She took the bowl over to his sink and turned on the tap. "I wonder what happens now. Between you and me. I told you that I love you and I meant it. I know you're concerned about getting arrested, but I'm of age and our friends will support us. I know it."

"I doubt that, Sakura."

"Well, Gai has set up a betting pool..."

"He's done what? Why?"

"Something about what you said at the bar on my birthday. I believe that's how Tsunade found out in the first place. And she also said..."

Sakura was interrupted by banging on the door. "HATAKE! COME OUT HERE AND FACE ME THIS INSTANT!"

Kakashi stood, frozen to the spot. "Ah." Said Sakura calmly, as if this sort of thing occurred every other day. "This is the part where you kiss your penis goodbye."

Kakashi put his head in his hands. The next few minutes were going to either be harsh or excruciating and he couldn't decide which he preferred.