All things Twilight belong to stephanie copyright infringement is intended

Song for this chapter: Lost by Michael Bublé.

"Hi Elle!" I waved to Elle as she sat behind the desk at the information counter.

"Bella dear,how are you?" Absolutely crap

"I'm fine" was my reply instead. Elle stood from the chair she had been sitting on and grabbed her coat from the back of the chair before collecting her handbag and putting on her coat as well as a hat, scarf and gloves.

She walked towards me and took a good look at my face and frowned.

"Bella dear, are you sure you're okay?" she asked, concerned.

"I promise, I'm fine, just really tired is all?" I had told the lie so many times that it was becoming second nature.

"You should get more sleep honey, go to bed a little earlier, you young ones are up till all hours of the night, it would do you good to get an extra few hours sleep dear" she was trying to be helpful. If only she knew the reason I wasn't sleeping was because of the nightmares.

"You're right Elle, I'll go to bed early tonight." I tried to convince her.

"Good, now will you be okay locking up by yourself tonight?" She asked me this every time and my answer was always the same.

"I'll be fine Elle, I'm safe here." I replied fondly. She really was a nice lady.

"Okay dear." She smiled and patted me on the cheek before walking out the front entrance. I let out a deep breath I never realised I had been holding.

I felt like crap, I can't believe I ran out of class like that, everyone must think I'm crazy...Edward must think I'm crazy.

I sighed before walking towards the counter, on top of it sat a large pile of books that seemed to be from the old history section, it was at the very back of the library, where nobody ever went.

I loved it back there because it was where some of the oldest books were kept and I loved the smell of old books, but more than anything I loved the silence back there.

It really felt as if you were completely alone...not just in the library because well, I was completely alone in the library but more like I was alone from the entire outside world..but in a good way.

I picked up a pile, it was going to take me a few runs. It was heavy but I could manage. I walked slowly towards the back forcing myself to focus on the books and nothing else.

Half an hour later I was on the last pile, putting away the last six or seven books. It had been quiet so far nobody had come in, I'm not surprised considering Forks was a small town and it was a friday night, nobody spent there friday night in a library...except for me.

I was basking in the silence and was trying my hardest to forget about today, about what happened in school, about Daniel...like most other times it wasn't working.

I couldn't not think of him, especially today, on our birthday.

I'm now eighteen , Daniel should be too but he will never be.

It's not fair.

I had stopped putting the books on the shelves the moment the thought had popped into my head.

It's Not Fair.

It wasn't fair that Daniel was dead, It wasn't fair that he died and I lived even though we were both in the car at the same time.

It wasn't fair that now my mother hated me, that she drank herself silly just so that she could feel nothing, It wasn't fair that she shipped me off to Forks just so she didn't have to look at me.

It wasn't fair that now charlie has to put up with me, and it most definitely wasn't fair that the one boy I've ever liked was completely and utterly unavailable, because not only was he older than me he was also my teacher and there was no way in hell that he would ever be interested in me...I was broken, damaged goods, who would want that.

Nothing was fair but I guess that's where the saying "Life isn't Fair" came from.

I let out a sigh my hands were trembling with the effort to hold back my tears, I wouldn't cry, not again.

I sucked in a shaky breath and stood with a book in my hands reaching up to put in on a high self.

I didn't hear him come up behind me.

"Bella."

I jumped startled to have the long silence broken and of course being me I lost my footing, hitting the bookshelf and causing tons of books to tumble to the ground.

Perfect, I act like a complete idiot around him.

"Oh God, I'm sorry, are you okay, Shit I'll help you clean it up" He rushed as he put a hand on my elbow to help steady me in case I fell again.

My arm tingled where he held it as if tiny sparks were shooting off at his touch.

Did he really just say shit. It was weird hearing a teacher use a swear word.

I'm sure my face was flaming at this point.

"That's ok Mr Cullen, it was my fault" I mumbled looking up into his stunning green eyes, I melted a little at the sight of them.

"Edward"

"What?" I asked confused.

"Call me Edward, I prefer it, Mr Cullen makes me sound old." he smiled a crooked smile at me.

"Oh right, sorry... Edward" He smiled a little when I said it.

We stood in awkward silence for a moment before I remembered that we were in the library and I was supposed to be working.

"Oh sorry, erm how can I help you?" I asked awkwardly.

" I'm actually here to see you" he replied. He came here to see me?

"Me" It came out as more of a squeak than an actual word.

"Yeah you left your bag in school and Angela told me that you work here, I thought that maybe there might be something in it that you need, so I brought it with me" He said raising his hand.

It was the first time that I noticed he was carrying my school bag in his hand.

So he just came here to give me my bag back that's all, I felt my excitement from a moment ago deflate.

"Oh. Well thank you!" I answered reaching out my hand and taking the bag from his out stretched one, my fingers rubbed against him and we both took in a sharp breath, maybe he felt the sparks too...it was unlikely but maybe.

I expected him to leave right away but he just stood there looking at me. His gaze became too intense and I looked down at the large pile of books littered on the floor.

"I'll help clean it up" he answered bending down and picking up a book.

"No! you don't have to do that, really it's okay" I answered quickly.

"I want to help, I did startle you which caused this whole mess, so it is pretty much my fault, Plus we can get it done twice as fast if we do it together." he smiled that crooked smile again.

I couldn't refuse.

"Okay" I whispered bending down to pick up a random book.

"So is there a certain way these were arranged?" he asked.

"No, just put them any way, this section back here has never been sorted, it's not used much" I replied.

He began picking up random books and placing them on the shelves, we were silent while we worked.

Every now and then I would sneak a glance at him, only to find him staring right back, before I quickly turned my attention back to the books with a blush.

It took us less than ten minutes to have all of the books back on the shelves.

I turned and gave him a smile of gratitude.

"Thank you that would have taken me twice as long to do on my own."

"You are welcome Bella" I loved how my name sounded coming from his lips.

He sat down on the ground, showing no sign that he had any plans of leaving soon.

"So you work in the library" he said it like a statement not a question but I answered it anyway.

"Yeah I do." I said before walking towards him and sitting down beside him, I was close but not close enough. He moved himself in a way that made it appear that he was getting more comfortable but it also brought him closer to me.

Our legs were nearly touching.

"Do you enjoy it?" he asked.

"Yeah I do, I love to read and I love everything about books, the feel of them the smell, so I guess this is kind of a dream job for me, it definitely beats working in the local camping shop." I smiled.

"You don't like camping?"

"I don't know really, I went when I was a small kid but I hardly remember" I answered honestly. He smiled in return.

"What about you, do you like camping?" I wanted to know more about him.

"I do actually, I go sometimes with my family and we have a laugh or I'll bring a book, find a quiet spot and read by myself, it's quite relaxing." He smiled a wide smile at me.

It was so easy to talk to him, to forget about everything else that was going on but of course that couldn't last forever.

"Bella, about what happened today in school, I just wanted to know if you are okay."

My automatic response would have been to answer with the usual I'm fine but I knew Edward wouldn't believe the lie, but more importantly I didn't want to lie to him.

" I..I'm..." I didn't know what to say. How to sum up exactly what I was feeling what was running through my head.

"Is this about your brother?" Edward asked gently.

I looked up into his eyes, How did he know without me even saying anything.

"Yeah" I nodded.

"You can talk to me Bella. You know that don't you?" he asked looking me straight in the eye.

I did know that, oddly enough I felt like I could talk to Edward, that I could trust him.

I kept silent for a few moments.

"You don't have to talk to me if you don't want too" He said, obviously thinking that my silence meant that I didn't want to talk to him.

"I told you my brother died and you didn't ask how he died, everyone always asks that, why didn't you?" I needed to know why.

"I wanted to ask believe me, I did, but I knew that it hurt you to talk about, I knew that if you wanted to tell me you would have, I don't ever want you to do something you don't want to do Bella" His answer was so honest and so simple yet it meant more to me than he ever could have known.

"He died in a car crash, I was with him when it happened, I was sitting right beside him when he died." I replied in a thick voice trying with all my might to hold back the tears, I didn't want to cry on front of Edward again.

"What was his name?" he asked, I was so relieved that he didn't say I'm so sorry or that must have been awful. They were things that I'd heard before, they were things people said when they didn't know what else to say.

"Daniel, his name was Daniel." I almost whispered.

Edward gently reached over and held my hand, he gave it a squeeze as the first tear dropped.

"He isn't just my brother, he's my twin, my best friend."

"Your Twin?" he asked.

"Yeah"

"That must have been fun growing up" he laughed.

"Yeah it was" and then I actually smiled. a real honest to god smile.

He had just made me smile while talking about Daniel, he was the only person who had done that since Daniel died, the only one who even tried to.

"It's my birthday today" It was all I said, I didn't need to say more, he understood that also meant that it was Daniel's too.

"I was sitting in that classroom and all day I'd been telling myself, it's fine, don't think about it, pretend it's just any other day. Sitting there in that class I just got the thought that I missed him, just one split second thought and I felt like I couldn't breath, like the entire room was closing in on me. I panicked and I ran..I just ran."

Edward looked me in the eye and then he reached up and wiped away a tear but another one quickly followed. It seemed like I was always crying around Edward.

I grabbed onto the arm which was wiping away my tears, when I did Edward stopped moving and just held his hand to my cheek.

We looked into each others eyes and said nothing for a moment before he pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me.

He held me to his chest, my head nestled against the fabric of his shirt, I could hear the steady beat of his heart under my ear and I could feel it against the hand that lay pressed against his chest.

He just held me and rubbed gentle circles on my back while I sobbed. He didn't let go or loosen his grip in the slightest. I don't how long we stayed like that, it could have been minutes or an hour, I couldn't tell you.

What I can tell you is that I had never felt so safe, so comforted in my entire life, His arms felt like home, I belonged there. I just sat still as I breathed in his scent.

Eventually my tears stopped and my breathing slowed, we didn't move,he didn't stop holding me for a few minutes before finally one of his hands left my back and came to rest on the back of my head where he rubbed before pulling away to look at my face.

He didn't take his hands from me and I didn't take away the hand that rested on his chest.

"I'm not going to tell you I understand how you feel, how hard it is because the fact is I don't. We all lose people close to us, people we love. Each and every situation is different so I can't say I know exactly what you are going through, but what I can say is that you'll get through it.

Eventually you will feel better and it's gonna take time and it's gonna be hard and there will always be moments when you'll think of him and feel sad but more importantly there will be even more moments where you think of him and smile, and you can remember him and feel happy." It was the longest speech anyone had ever given me.

He brought the hand that rested on my head around and gently rubbed his fingers under my eyes.

I'm sure they were red and puffy but for some reason, with Edward I didn't care, I knew he didn't care.

"I don't know how to think of him and be happy, every time I see his face in my mind the memory of that day is conjured up and it's like it wipes out all of the good memories." I didn't even know if I was making sense anymore.

"Your strong Bella. You will get through it." He sounded so confidant so sure, I couldn't help but believe him.

"You said we all lose people we love, who...did you lose someone?" I wasn't sure if it was rude of me to ask, if I was going to hurt him.

He smiled sadly at me.

"My biological parents died when I was seven years old, The house went on fire." Oh God.

"I wish that that hadn't happened to you." I said softly.

"I used to wish that too, for some time I wished that it never happened but then I would never have been adopted by Esme and Carlisle and they are amazing people. I love them and I wouldn't want to change them being my parents for anything." He had this outlook on everything that allowed him to see the good, I wish I was the same.

"Was it hard, letting yourself love them." I asked.

" I fought it at first, I was only a boy when my biological parents died so for the majority of my life Carlisle and Esme have been my parents in every way. Esme has this way about her, her entire personality screams mother, she radiates love off of her it's impossible not to love her.

Carlisle, well Carlisle is the most compassionate, patient person in the world. He doesn't push you and he makes it clear that he is there for you in any and every possible way like a father, so I guess even though I fought it No it wasn't hard to let myself love them, it was impossible not to." I could see how much he loved them from his description of them.

"They sound amazing." I smiled.

"They are." His hand was still resting on my face and mine on his chest.

"Bella" He whispered to me.

I rubbed my thumb in gentle up and down motions on his chest and when I did, it was like someone had thrown a bucket of ice cold water over Edward.

He pulled back from me and dropped his hands from my face before shifting uncomfortably and clearing his throat.

I'm so stupid, my closeness freaked him out.

"So.." Edward was the one to break the uncomfortable silence that seemed to have surrounded us.

"em..you write!" Edward said.

"What?" I asked completely confused. Where the hell had that come from.

"I mean, you're a good writer, you are good at english, spellings, things like that" Edward replied.

"Eh,Yeah I guess so." I was still confused.

"Well I was wondering if you would like to join the paired reading team at school ." He asked.

"Paired reading ?." I was confused.

"Yeah, it's when a group of senior students help the junior students with reading, spellings, english homework..."he trailed off.

"You mean like a tutor?" I asked curious.

"Yeah I guess so, it's only once a week for two hours after school" he explained.

"What Day?"

"Wednesday" he smiled.

I didn't have work on a wednesday.

"Can I think about it and get back to you on it?" I had no idea why I didn't just give him a straight answer.

"Yeah,you have a few days to decide okay?" he nodded. I smiled. "Okay."

"Are you in charge of it?" I wondered.

"Yeah, Principle Greene asked politely if I could run it" he smiled on the word politely, which gave me the impression that Mr Greene hadn't asked politely at all, more like demanded.

So if Edward was in charge it would be safe to assume that he would be there on wednesday,two extra hours with Edward didn't seem so bad at all.

"Great" I nodded. He looked down at his watch on his wrist and frowned.

"I have to go" he said it rather reluctantly.

"Oh"

He pushed himself up of the floor and onto his feet, I did the same.

He started walking towards the exit and when he reached the door he turned to me

"You're okay Bella?" he asked, I knew he was referring to the crying and everything earlier.

"Yeah I'm okay" And I think for now I actually was.

"Good, I guess I'll see ya around Bella!" he smiled.

"Bye, Edward" And with that he walked out the door and I watched as it closed behind him.

His visit was seemed that I had a lot to think about.

For the remainder of the night my thoughts remained on Edward Cullen and paired reading after school.

Monday at school after English class had ended I went right up to Edwards desk. He sat behind it looking over a piece of paper clutched in his hand, between his strong, masculine, beautifully sculpted fingers.

I had to shake myself to snap out of it.

When I reached the desk I cleared my throat to let him know I was there. He looked up at me and smiled.

"Ah, Bella, What can I do for you." He seemed to be in a cheerful mood.

"I wanted to talk to you about that paired reading thing, that we talked about the other day." I replied quickly, for some reason I was nervous.

"Yeah." he smiled.

"Wednesday, for two hours right?" I asked.

"Yep, Two hours every wednesday." Okay.

"Okay,I'll do it." I smiled.

"Really"He seemed happy. I was no longer nervous, and I realised the reason for my nerves was because I was unsure of how Edward was going to react.

"Yeah really, when do I start." I asked.

"This wednesday would be good." he gave me that heart melting crooked smile, that also made other pats of my body melt as well.

My breathing was faster and I felt flushed.

"Great." I managed to squeak out. He did nothing but smile again.

"So I guess I'll see you on wednesday?" I asked, hoping to discover if he would be there for the two hours as well.

"Yes, I'll see you on wednesday." He replied. Score...he was going to be there.

I turned and started to walk towards the door of the classroom, I made it about three steps before I stopped and turned back to look at him, he was still watching me.

"Do I need to bring anything?" I asked.

"Nope,just your pretty self." I blushed and he smiled. Good God, he just called me pretty, Edward Cullen just called me, Isabella Swan pretty.

"Okay,see you wednesday." I gave a little wave goodbye.

He chuckled a little as he raised his hand gave a little wiggle of those fingers and said " Goodbye Bella!"

His laugh sounded like twinkling bells and made my mouth stretch into a wide smile in return.

Over the entire weekend I had thought about Edwards offer, pulled it apart inside and out, and wrote up all of the pro's and cons of accepting.

I couldn't decide wether two extra hours with Edward after school was a good thing or a bad thing. I wanted to spend more time with him and therein lay the problem,I wanted to way too much, and I shouldn't have wanted to in the first place.

I was beginning to like Edward Cullen a little bit more than a student should and I knew it was going to be a problem, but in the end I decided to hell with it, just go with the flow, let the chips fall where they may, so to speak.

A/N: Okay I'm sooooo sorry it's a recession, I couldn't pay my internet so they cut me off, I just got it back on like five minutes ago. As an apologie I give you this super long chapter which used to be three seperate chapters. xxx Aoife.