Pulling Edward with me I breathe a sigh of relief as the exam room door closes so there is a barrier between myself and Christian. All this time I had barely thought of what I would say to him and how I would end it but it did need to end. How in the hell did he find out I had an appointment today? My mind was searching for a link then I gazed at the nurse, "Sorry what did you just ask me?"
Endless questions later she left the room leaving Ed and I alone finally, he cleared his thought then chuckled, "that was not awkward."
"Oh nope, not at all." I laughed then gazed at his face, "I have to end that."
"Dee, don't hurry into that. You know I am not going anywhere."
"You better not, not sure what I would do if you did."
We sat in comfortable silence as we waited, I could tell he was reading my thoughts as we stared at each other but I liked that. I was not wanting any secrets between us, secrets just caused grief and pain later on.
When the doctor came in Ed stood up and left the room giving me a wink as he did so. I just hoped that Christian was not waiting in the hall to start a fight with him. Impatiently I answered the same questions over for the doctor just wanting to leave but as she ran her hands over my stomach I flinched as it cramped. She frowned at me and started asking more questions, when she asked when my last period was my heart sank. "It was before this surgery. Why?"
"I might be wrong but that is the most likely reason for your pain there. Bella could you be pregnant?"
I closed my eyes in my mind I was screaming, "NO NO NO please NO!" I knew that answer was yes, I could be but if I was it was Christian's. Edward and I had barely touched so there was no way that it was his. "I am going to be sick." I choked out and gagged as I tried to sit up. She pushed me to my side and grabbed a basin.
Holding my shoulder the doctor spoke very quietly. "You remember our talk before? If this child is from the one who hurt you, I can help you. Bella you don't have to have to this child."
"I...I can't do that." I choked again then sobbed. "You have to be wrong, you have to be." I turned to plead her with my eyes. "I can't be pregnant, I am on birth control."
"That is not full-proof and the pain medications you were on might have lessened its effect."
Spiraling out of control in my mind I whispered out his name then sobbed again. I didn't want to lose Ed over this but I was going to. Pregnant with another man's child and still tied to the other, there was no easy way out. I was going to hurt one or both of them and now I had a child to worry about too. And then I remembered the clause in the contract, fuck Christian was going to kill me. I had signed that I would go to any lengths not to let this happen. FUCK! My mind races and I got sick again. Then finally I laid back with my eyes closed. All I could think of was I could not have a child.
Dr. Stone stood next to me but reached for the phone in the room, I was too numb to notice but when the door opened the nurse came in with Ed hot on her heels. He pushed his way in and then knelt next to me. His eyes looked wet and I knew that he knew. As soon as the doctor and nurse left the room for a moment I looked at him, "you know don't you?"
"Bella."
I choked back a sob at just that, it spoke volumes I was not his Dee now. "Bella? Really?"
"You know you are still my Dee but I will not be the one to stand in the way of a family."
"Family? Me, the monster and now this." I ran a hand angrily over my stomach. "I don't want to do this."
"That is your choice."
"No it's not." I whispered, "I could not do that and live with myself but I will never tell Christian."
"You will have to sooner or later."
"Not if I leave him."
"I want you to at least tell him, he deserves that much."
"You said you are his friend, you know anything about his contracts with girls like me?" As he shook his head no, I laughed coldly. "He made me sign that I would not let this happen. He won't be pleased."
Edward sighed and then the nurse returned with a small cup. I knew what that was for, to confirm the pregnancy. It was just sealing my fate, there was going to be no easy way out. No matter what I did, I was not surprised when it was positive. Numbly I let Ed lead me out of the room only to see that Christian was in the waiting room with his security guard.
"Bella?" Christian stood up quickly, "Are you alright?"
"I am fine." My voice was soft, my spirit broken and when he asked to take me home. I just nodded then turned to Ed, my mind was full of uncertainty as I whispered to Ed, "I will call you later. Don't worry I will."
Reluctantly Ed let go of me, I could see in his face that he was hurt but at the same time I knew he understood that I needed to do this. As I walked away from him I let some of the bright memories of the last few weeks fill my mind knowing he was reading my mind. I looked back to see a small smile as he waved to us.
Once in the car Christian reached over to gaze on me, his eyes were soft and I could hear the concern in his voice, "You are so pale, I think you need to see another doctor."
"I am fine and no it's not necessary. Please just let's go to my place."
"Can I at least buy you lunch?" I hear a hopeful note in his voice.
"Sure."
"I have missed you so much." He took us straight to my favorite restaurant and ordered my usual. I looked at him and then as he ordered my favorite margarita I almost stopped him but I was not ready to tell him that I could not drink. No I was not going there right now. If I was barely able to process this news, he would not deal with it well. I snapped out of my thoughts as I hear him speak my name. "Bella, I feel like we are drifting apart."
"We are." In my mind this was perfect maybe I could get him to drop me. Then I could disappear and he would never need to know about the baby.
"I want to fix it." He pushed a black box across the table at me. Inside was a simple ring with my favorite color stone. It twinkled purple at me as I stared at it in alarm. "No I am not proposing."
"This is another submission special?"
"No, not all my subs get rings from me and Bella, you are special to me. I meant that."
"Christian..."
"No stop, we need to talk. You seem distant, are you planning to leave me?" His question was straight-forward but not expected, I opened my mouth then closed it and nodded yes. "For him?" He spit out the words with venom and as I looked at his face his eyes were a dark black. "You don't know a thing about him."
"No but I will learn. Christian I want more..."
"Stop, you want more so you want a monster? Did he tell you what he really is? Did he tell you how we became friends?"
"No but..."
"Shush, he and I are not that different but I wear my monster on the outside for all to see. I do not hide that I am not going to be a hearts and flowers man. I lost that part of me a long time ago but I can see what he is doing." With that he tossed a large manila envelope on the table. "Look inside."
Inside I find pictures of me and Edward together over the past few weeks. "You were spying on me?"
"For your good yes I was, that day at the hospital bothered me. You did not call me but him, that monster when you needed help and you would not tell me why. Is he a good fuck?"
"What the hell?" I stopped looking at the pictures to glare at him, "you can just shut the fuck up now, I haven't...we haven't...it's complicated."
"You haven't fucked him yet, is that what you are tongue tied over?"
"None of your business." I push the pictures and the ring box back at him then start to stand up.
"Sit the fuck down and listen to me." His tone and his grip on my arm scared me. His eyes are so dark, he looks crazed and people are starting to look at us. I sit down quietly and nod. "He and I are both monsters but I...I think I love you and I won't lose you to him."
"How can you love me, you barely know me."
"So get to know me, these past weeks without you I have been lost."
"We are too different." I sighed then one of the pictures caught my eye, I pick it up and look closer. It's Ed and another woman. They are holding hands. I turn it to Christian, "any idea who that is?"
"He never told you about Jane?"
"Um no, Jane?"
"That is his girlfriend, well was last I heard. They are on and off again all the time."
"Christian, this is not going to work. I am leaving here and you."
I try to stand again but this time he tugs me down to end up on his lap. "Listen up." He whispered into my ear as he wraps his arms around my middle looking as if we are two people madly in love rather than me being held against my will while he whispers not sweet nothing but cold poison in my ear. "You are mine, you will remain mine until I am done with you then you may go and I am far from done with you but continue this behavior and you will be severely punished. You want to go, try...I know things from your past life that you have either blocked out or forgotten, I can and will ruin you if you leave me."
"You unimaginable bastard." I hiss back searching madly through my mind for what he might know.
"Be careful what you say, there are witnesses and you really don't remember do you?"
"Remember what?"
"Come on." He paid the check and gently pushed me off his lap to stand up.
The drive is quiet, neither of us speaking and my mind is still racing, what does he think he knows that I don't? Then I notice where we are heading, "NO! I said my place."
"And you want to know what I know, I am going to show you."
"Fine." I sit back pouting as he drives to his place.
At his place I get out of the car and just stare at him, I am so furious right now that I don't know what to think. Christian loves me, I love Edward but he has a girlfriend? Why didn't he mention her to me, my thoughts are shattered as Christian grabs my arm tugging me towards the elevator. I slap him hard only to see rage in his eyes. "You want to play?" He doesn't wait for an answer but as the elevator opens I am slammed hard against the wall and as the door close he pushes my legs apart. "I was going to wait but fine." With those words he pins me back with one hand while he reaches to stop the elevator with the other.
"No fuck no Christian. STOP!"
I scream and try to push him off but its late, he is enraged and coming at me like a man possessed. "No you are mine and I am taking what's mine right here and now."
"NO! RED!" I scream at him trying hard to free my hands while my legs are shaking trying to push themselves closed but he is too strong.
He runs his hand over my panties then tugs them apart as he whispers to me, "we are not in the playroom Bella and you know you are mine. Just submit to me."
"No." I repeat but it's weaker this time as I know I cannot win this.
"Bella, you want him? He will only use you as all the others have before me, I know all about you." His hands started to move over my clit in a way that made me groan. He knew me too well and how to excite me. "Your ex-husband, do you remember him?"
Swept up in a mess of emotions, first there was the fear of him at this moment. I did not want to submit to him as I loved Ed but I did not want to be savagely raped and I knew in the back of my mind that there was no way that Christian was going to let me escape him twice. Then there was his damn touch on me, he knew all the buttons to push to have me writhing on the edge but as he spoke my eyes widened. "What did you say?"
A hard slap on my clit made me cry out, "Your ex-husband Bella, I think his name was Robert wasn't it?" My mind reeled and then I saw his face as I whispered out his name another slap hit me and I screamed. "Robert and your two children, you remember them now?"
"Rob, Victoria, Luke." I cried out weakly as the memories flooded over me. I sank back against the wall unable to fight anymore but Christian seized his attack on me.
He stood next to me with a concerned look on his face, "Bella don't you see that I am the only one who will love you in spite of it all."
His hand on my face made my stomach turn and I gasped for air, "I am going to be sick."
Christian slammed the button to make the elevator move again and stood back as I charged off as soon as the doors open to the bathroom. There I retched over and over. As the memories flooded me, the tears came and I sank to the floor there. I am not sure how much time passed but Christian stayed by my side holding my hair back and trying to hold me. At first I pushed him away but as I weakened I ended up against his chest. "Bella, it's the past. I understand my past is a nightmare I chose to forget too but I won't judge you for it."
With a sigh, "You assume he would?"
"You don't know him like I do. He has quite a reputation."
"Wicked." I whisper.
"He told you his nickname? He had hurt many and I don't want you to be one of them."
"He won't hurt me."
"Did he tell you about Jane?"
"No."
"I see, and you still trust him?"
"Please Christian I cannot deal with all this and I need home and bed. I have to go back to work tomorrow."
"No you don't. You have two weeks."
"What? But my doctor..." I stared at him, the lights coming on. The reason he would know that is the same is how he knew when my appointment was. "You employ my doctor?"
"Yes I do and you have two weeks before you have to go back."
"Fuck Christian, fine you win."
"I win?"
"I just need time to think, can I have that?"
"Yes you can but please stay here. I missed you."
"I will but no attacking, no means no."
"I can respect that and now you need to go to sleep."
After he scoops me up and puts me to bed like a child I stare at the ceiling frustrated and so hurt. I want to scream and cry then I grab my cell phone texting Ed. "So who is Jane?"
"Baby are you ok?" Is his immediate reply.
"Cut it, Jane. Now." I demand back.
My cell rings two seconds later as Ed calls me. I answer not speaking as I hear him whisper, "Can I come over?"
I cringe at once, first I am at Christian's and then I realize the power he has over me when we are face to face. "No, talk right now."
"Okay Jane was my girlfriend, I broke up with her after I met you."
"Why didn't you tell me about her?"
"Christian is using her to make you think I lied to her."
"He mentioned her."
"Dee stop and breath."
I close my mind and as I breathe I feel his calming presence surround me. I turn around with the cell in hand as I whisper to him, "Where are you?"
"Where do you think I am?"
"You are close, I can feel it."
"I would be closer but you didn't come home."
"I know, things got complicated here."
He clears his throat, "Did you?" He doesn't have to say it, he wants to know if I slept with Christian again.
"No." I whisper. "But we need to talk, he is not going to let me go."
"I can hear it in your thoughts, did you tell him about the baby yet?"
"NO! And I meant what I said, I won't tell him. But Edward he won't just let me go, he claims to love me."
"Do you love him?"
"I...I."
"Dee, do you?"
"I used too."
"You and I need to talk, are you going home tomorrow?"
"I don't know, but I will let you know."
"Okay now go to sleep, you two need your rest."
His mention of two of us confuses me at first then I realize he is talking about the baby. "Yeah good night."
We hang up and I try to sleep but I drift in and out of nightmares. I see pain and confusion when Ed appears in my dreams because I am still standing next to Christian and not him but every time I try to move its like I am bolted to the ground. I cannot move but yet the scenery changes around me. My belly starts to grow and the men I love move around me. Ed is so serious and sad looking while Christian has a strange cold look on his face. As my belly grows the two change. Christian continues to move closer to me while Ed seems to be drifting off into the distance. I cry out reaching my hand out to him only to look down and see a strange ring. "Mine now always." I wake up screaming as Christian speaks those words.
"No, no, no." I whispered to myself and crept out of bed, it's dark out still and raining but I cannot stay inside anymore and I need to see Ed. I pull out my clothes and then tip toe out of the room only to run into Christian.
"Bella." He speaks my name and pulls me close kissing me hard. I smell liquor on his breath as he whispers to me, "cannot wake Bella. I want this ready first." I try at first to tell him that I am Bella but I realize quickly he is sleep walking, he pulls me with him to his piano and starts to play a sad but sweet tune. He murmurs to himself as he stops then writes some notes on a page then start to play again. I peek over his shoulder and see the title, it's called Bella's Lullaby. My head sinks, he does love me doesn't he? He has been trying to tell me and maybe this with spying on me was his way of showing it? I sit there stunned listening to the music and he looks at me, "Do you think she will like it?"
"I think she will love it." I whisper as I stare at him. In this one moment I feel closer to him and it's on the tip of my tongue to tell him about the baby but I stop myself. He is not going to remember it, hell he doesn't even know it's me.
Much later I wake up back in my bed but the melody haunts me, in my dreams I see Ed, his green eyes are staring at me as his voices sounds so hurt, "you are my soul mate, if you stay with him I cannot stay and watch." Then Christian's face appears, "you are mine, how many ways do I have to claim you till you see I am not going to let you go?"
"NO!" I scream as I sit straight up then race for the bathroom retching over and over. I cannot do this, I love Ed and no matter what I am going to him.
That is my plan until I turn around and run right into Christian. "Bella." Christian gently takes my hand and pulls me to sit on the edge of the bed with him, "Is there something you wanted to tell me?"
"No...You have me confused, did I miss something?"
He holds out an envelope, I see Ed's handwriting on it. It is already open, I frown at Christian, "Did you open this?"
"My security did."
"And you read it too didn't you?"
"Yes and before you go to meet him you should know that I talked to him. I know your secret."
Holding my stomach I just stared, "you do?"
"Yes I do, you love him and you love me. Bella, I am not letting you go. I need you here."
As I realize he doesn't know about the baby I let out a sigh of relief then stare at him, "You cannot stop me, you do not own me."
"Yes I do, you really should have read that contract closer. You are mine. The terms are very specific unless I let you go, you are mine for the next 6 months."
"FUCK YOU CHRISTIAN!" I scream. "You cannot control me."
"I can and I will and whats more I. LOVE. YOU!" He shouts back then kisses me hard. "Go, he is waiting to talk to you but you will return to me. I would find you if you left."
In the elevator I finally get to read Ed's note without Christian looking over my shoulder. "Come to the meadow by your sister's place. We need to talk."
I hate the way it sounds and as I drive there I fight off all the negative thoughts but as soon as I see him standing there amongst the flowers I forget it all. I run to him and hug him closely. Then I lean back to look at him.
Ed is staring down at me with red eyes like blood red and his jaw is set in a firm line. "Bella."
"There you go again, I am Dee to you."
His face changes and I see sadness there. "You will always be my Dee but I cannot be responsible for you getting hurt, and the baby."
"No, you would not hurt me."
"No I wouldn't but he would."
"Christian?"
"Dee." He pulled me close, "I have waited so long for you but I won't be the one to cause you pain. Christian will stop at nothing to push me out of your life including ruin everyone around you. All your friends, even your sister. He is prepared to take everyone down to keep you. I can't be the cause of that."
"WHAT?" My mind reels and then I stare at him, "but I love you. Doesn't that mean anything?"
"It means everything, and you are my imprint. You are my soul mate but I cannot be the cause of your ruin, he won't stop till everyone hates you. And if he finds out you are pregnant and didn't tell him, Dee he might make it worse. You should go and tell him, he won't hurt you once he knows."
"So you are just walking away from me then? All we said means nothing."
"Stop I love you and I doubt I will ever find anyone but you but I cannot stay and watch you with him but I have seen your future with him. You will be happy and your child very loved."
"Edward, how can you know that?"
"I just do and me disappearing will help. Dee...please don't look at me like that."
"Ed." I feel the tears start, "I love you not him. He just met me first."
"I know but what you don't know is that he is just like me, mean and a monster Dee in ways you could never imagine, I would try to take you away but he would find us. He would risk all to do that, the way he speaks about you, he will do anything and hurt anyone for you."
With that he pulled me close kissing me hard and as our lips tangle he pushed me down to the ground. In my mind I see all our memories.
The first time our eyes met.
The first time we talked.
The first moment I knew I needed him.
The first time he told me what he was.
The first time he said I love you and
our first kiss.
It accelerated through my mind then came to a halt as he pulled back. "Dee." He whispered my name for the last time he would address me that way and turned my head so I was gazing up into his eyes. "I love you with all that I am and that is why I am doing this."
"No please." I whisper crying hard as I realize what he intends to do. "Please no."
Our lips met once more then he pulls back again his eyes locking on mine, I spot a blood tear starting to drip out of his right eye as I stare then his influence takes over. "I will always love you…." Without wanting to my eyes widen as I cannot fight his influence. His words swept through me and all our memories fade, "You will always be the one I want, I will always be watching over you. If he ever hurts you I will return to claim what is mine but for now…..it will be as if I never existed. The next time you see me we will be strangers."