Gillian was tired, and sick to her stomach. She was tired of the adrenalin. Unlike Cal, she did not live for the thrill of life and death experiences, especially when she was a world away watching Cal go through it without her.

All she wanted was Cal to get home. She no longer cared about how this case turned out as long as Cal made it back in one piece. The sooner she could get him home and quit lying to Emily the better.

They were so close to done. So close. Cal had made so much progress and they were in the final steps of moving into save the marines.

Gillian chewed on the inside of cheek as she wrapped her arms around herself. She barely nodded as one of the secretaries asked her a question she didn't even catch before heading out the door.

There was an explosion in the background, chopping up the image of Cal as one of the marines shouted out demands. Her stomach tightened as she braced herself between Torres's chair and the desk. All she could think was how he should have been home. He should have said no and stayed with her and the girls.

"That is not Florida," Emily stated in shock as she held Lucy's hand. The little girl stared up at the screen with fear in her eyes as she partially hid her face behind Emily's arm.

Gillian's attention was suddenly split as she straightened up. "Emily-Lucy. How'd you get in here?"

Emily moved closer to the screen, ignoring her question. "You lied to me! He lied to me."

Lucy ran to Gillian and wrapped her arms around her legs. There was another explosion before Gillian could reply, making Lucy hold tighter.

Then Cal's eyes looked back to the screen to see Emily staring at him and Lucy barely watching with her face buried in Gillian's pants legs. He tried to get the ear piece in his ear as the explosions continued. Everyone in the room was looking at him with the truly terrified looks on their faces.

"Dad?" Emily said softly, her voice shaking with fear.

"Emily," he replied. The sound was choppy, but there.

"Dad?" Emily said again, louder this time as Gillian rounded the corner of the desk toward her, Lucy still clinging to her.

They could hear machine gun fire. There was a look of pure terror in Emily's big brown eyes as Gillian supported her with one arm around her and the other holding Lucy. Emily looked at her but noticed Gillian couldn't take her eyes off the screen.

There was another explosion and Emily immediately called out to her father again, even though the screen was nothing but grey and black boxes. Then there was the sound of another, even louder this time. Gillian was just as scared as Emily.

Loker was the first to speak as all of them stared at the grey and black screen, there no image of Cal at all. "Did he just get—"

Gillian spun around and shot him a hellish look, but Emily was already pushing away from here and heading out the door.

"No, no. No he didn't," she stated firmly as she pushed the door open and escaped into the hall.

Gillian handed Lucy to Torres but not before looking the little girl square in the eye and promising she'd be back in a moment. Half a second later she was rushing after Emily, trying to catch up with her and comfort her.

"Emily," she said reaching out to the girl as she tried to disappear into her father's office.

"No! You lied to me! You let me believe he was in Florida," she snapped pulling away from Gillian's touch.

Of course she understood Emily's frustration, but she needed to deal with one problem at a time. "Emily, he didn't want you to worry," she tried, but could see this didn't matter to Emily.

"I'm a big girl, he shouldn't lie to me and you shouldn't help him," she grumbled back as she threw herself down on her father's couch. "I get not telling Lucy, but I'm old enough…" `

Gillian wrapped a comforting arm around Emily's shoulders and was relieved when the girl leaned into her. "Old enough to have your Christmas party ruined because you're worried about your dad?"

The big doe eyes Emily wore so well, looked up at Gillian. "You can't let me feel justified in my anger, can you?" she muttered, making Gillian smile.

"Of course you can justify your anger. He lied, but he did it because he loves you." A hard sigh escaped her chest as she closed her eyes and pulled Emily a little tighter.

Emily studied Gillian for a long moment. She looked tired and though she was trying to hide it, she was just as scared as Emily was. Just as she knew her father held a certain amount of protective responsibility toward Gillian, Gillian held something similar toward him as well. Hers ran a little deeper but sometimes rose to the surface a bit more as well.

Cal would protect Gillian and Lucy until the end of time, Emily knew that. Gillian was well beyond earning a permanent place in her life, even more so now that she and Cal were romantically involved, but Gillian didn't put herself at risk as much as Cal did. Of course she felt her causes were just as important as his, but she couldn't make him worry. Gillian knew what it was like to just stare at the person you care about with your hands completely tied to their fate. One of her worst fears is having to one day tell Emily and Lucy that Cal's luck had finally ran out. That, for once, he was dealt a hand he couldn't win with.

Emily knew that Gillian's responsibility with her and Lucy went beyond what Cal would ever openly ask for. The only other woman in Emily's life that stood close to Gillian was Zoe, but in all fairness they were difficult to compare because they were so different. Zoe may have been her mother but Gillian was like a second mother.

"I'm sorry," Emily said softly resting her head against Gillian's shoulder again. "I shouldn't be mad at you. I'm just scared."

Gillian nodded. "Me too, but we have to believe he's fine. That way I can kill him when he gets home."

That made Emily smile.

For a moment longer Gillian hugged her. "If you want to stay here, I'll talk to Lucy then send her your way. You two can finish decorating the tree."

Again, Emily felt guilty. "I shouldn't have brought her in there."

Gillian just gently cupped Emily's cheek and shrugged. "You were worried. She'll be alright."

With Zoe stuck in Saint Louis, Emily stayed the night with Gillian. She awoke in the middle of the night to her phone buzzing on her bedside table. It took her a moment to even realize that her bed had been invaded by two girls with curly brown hair.

Reaching over the smallest of the two, she grabbed her cell phone and exhaled in relief at the number.

"I could kill you," she told him immediately, sure to keep her voice down so she didn't wake the other two.

"Good to hear your voice too, luv," Cal tossed back lightly. At least he tried to sound light. She could hear the exhaustion and sadness in his voice. He wanted to be home too.

Despite it all, she smiled a little. "You have three girls waiting for you to get home, and your ex-wife is snowed in at St. Louis."

"Well, maybe it is a Merry Christmas after all with the ice queen stuck states away." The smile in his voice made her even more hopeful. She missed him, the feeling was even stronger now that she had heard his voice. Of course she had been informed that Cal was alright, but she needed to hear him. Now she need to touch him and be held by him.

"I need to call Emily, but I think I should wait til the morning. How is she?"

Gillian glanced to the other side of the bed where the girl was sleeping soundly. "She's about two feet away claiming your pillow."

"Course she is. Are you in my bed or yours?"

She smiled to herself. "Mine, but now that you say that I'd rather be in yours. "

"Soon enough, luv. I promise I'll be at the party tomorrow, just a couple more stops."

Emily shifted and glanced over at Gillian, her eyes droopy. "Is that Dad?" Gillian nodded as Emily fell back onto the pillow and snuggled under the covers. "Tell him I'm still mad at him, but I'll be mad at him tomorrow."

Gillian ran a hand through her hair as she yawned. "We'll both yell at him tomorrow," she promised Emily as the girl was already falling back to sleep.

Cal could hear how tired she was and wished he was there with them. "You girls go to sleep. I'll see you soon I promise."

There was a tired hum from Gillian as she caught a knee to the back from Lucy before the little being snuggled into her side. "Come home soon, okay?" she muttered, realizing how tired she really was.

"Soon as I can, Gill."

And for a moment the words nearly slipped out of his mouth. Those three little words that so many men are afraid to say. Not that Cal was necessarily afraid of saying he loved Gillian, but telling her over the phone for the first time wasn't what he wanted.

He slid his phone into his pocket. He'd tell her soon enough.

Gillian wrapped her arm around Lucy's little body and kissed her forehead. Emily started to move, shedding the covers that were around her and stepping onto the floor.

"Where are you going?" Gillian whispered, careful not to wake Lucy.

"Back to the couch, I shouldn't have invaded your bed."

Even in the dark, Gillian could read Emily's features enough to see the embarrassment. The girl was not used to needing comfort from anyone but her father, even if she clearly wanted it now. "You're not invading my bed," Gillian replied lightly. "Come back and lay down, sweetheart."

For half a second, Emily hesitated before shaking her head. "No, I shouldn't. Mom doesn't-"

"I won't say a word," Gillian promised.

Emily looked up at her and then slowly moved back to the bed and crawled back under the covers. She would never admit it, but when her dad first started working with Gillian and Gillian would talk to her and be her friend, she wished she was her mother. Emily loved Zoe. She loved her very much, but Zoe was not as warm. Zoe was all business and a little dry. A hug from Gillian didn't feel like a handshake. A hug from Gillian felt like a weight lifted off her shoulders.

Cal made his grand appearance into the party with Emily under his arm. Lucy went running to him next and he scooped her up. Gillian remained where she was, but their eyes met across the room. Both of them wore gentle smiles. It didn't take a room full of people trained in micro expressions to see that the two people were happy to see each other.

Emily made her way next to Nick as Cal walked with Lucy over to Gillian. Lucy ran to Torres and drug her off somewhere as he took a moment to admire Gillian in her red dress that hugged all the right places before accepting her hug and chaste kiss.

"You okay?" she asked as they held each other a moment longer than usual.

"I don't know," he replied into her hair.

She clung to him like she was afraid something would snatch him away from her again. "Good, you're not meant to be."

Even when they parted, she could help put gently stroke his face. When it feels like she came so close to losing him, she always needed to touch him to make sure he was still there.

"It's going to be alright, darling," he promised, noticing her teary eyes.

She nodded as she bit her lip.

Cal couldn't stand the way she was looking at him. She looked like she was in physical pain. Taking her hand in his, he entwined their fingers. He didn't care who was around at the moment. He didn't care that people didn't know about their relationship, even if it was rumored.

He pulled her closer to him and touched her face. "I'm sorry," he told her.

She laughed at him, but she didn't know why. All it did was make her want to cry more.

"Gillian," he said soberly. His voice so soft she had to really focus to hear him with the commotion of the party going on around them. His hand touched her face as though she was made of glass.

She gasped at his touch, meeting the intensity of his gaze. It was the most intimate look he had ever given her, sharing a part of his soul with her through those beautiful blue eyes.

He wanted to tell her how much he loved her. He wanted to promise her that he'd never hurt her again, but he couldn't. Being a risk taker was just who he was. To the highest extreme, Cal was an adrenalin junky. Someone who risked his life and selfishly thought of himself. He was a big kid with adult responsibilities. Exactly the person Gillian didn't need.

All he wanted to do was tell her he loved her, but he couldn't. The words just refused to come out of his mouth because that would make her stay. That would hold her back. He'd hold her back.

Gillian for a moment felt like she was seeing Cal more deeply than she ever had…

Then suddenly she lost him. There was a block. A shield of self protection over his features that made her want to cry out in frustrations. Instead, she grabbed his hand and squeezed it in a way that made her never want to let go.

"Don't run away from me, Cal," she whispered, to him.

If there wasn't a room full of people she would have kissed him until he couldn't think straight. She knew Cal. She knew this was a sign of him back away.

"Cal," she pleaded softly, her hand grasping his tighter.

Slowly the mask melted away again and he ran his hand into her hair with some force, his lips smashing onto hers. "I love you," he whispered to her as they embraced again.

She buried her face into the crook of his neck. "I love you, Cal," she whispered back.

As she took a step away from him, he noticed the tears hovering in her eyes. She leaned against him as they kept their hands together and looked up at the Christmas tree. It was extremely bright with some of the best lighting Cal had ever seen. There was a lot of Emily in it with touches of Lucy here and there. The biggest piece sitting on top.

It was a glass angle, but it also looked like a china doll. It had feathery wings and a hand painted face. It probably cost a pretty penny, but Cal couldn't help but think the girl had Gillian's taste. Classy and classic, but always stylish.

Lucy bombard him with another hug and he scooped her into his arms, kissing her hair and holding her tight. He held Lucy on his left and his other arm was wrapped around Gillian's waist. Emily talked to Rick and Torres while Loker made himself at home by the food.

Gillian didn't care about the glances they were getting as she rested her head against Cal's shoulder and listened to his heart beat.

"Don't think I haven't forgotten," Cal said slyly when the party had finally ended. Lucy had fallen asleep on Cal's couch and Emily had already headed home.

The office building was empty except for the three of them in Cal's office. Gillian raised her eyebrow at him as she continued to put some leftover food in his private fridge. "I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about."

He tilted his head at her, truly intrigued by the seductive and clever look in her eye as he moved toward her. "Don't you?"

There was a spark in her eye that made him go crazy as she walked backward into his library. "Maybe you should remind me," she purred.

He swallowed hard as her beautiful lips twitched into a smile as her teeth grazed over her own lip. Did she know she was driving him completely bloody mad? There was a slight chuckle from her throat. Of course she did.

Cal moved toward her, closing the door to his library, leaving Lucy in a whole other room. His hands grabbed her tiny hips and pulled her against him. His lips were on her neck in an instant as he walked her back against the latter Emily was sitting on only a moment before.

"Cal," she giggled as he reached for the zipper of her dress. "Here?"

He only hummed against the skin of her neck before pushing her black and red dress to the ground and exploring her perfect body with his lips and hands. She felt to dizzy with excitement to worry about the sturdiness of the latter as his hands left a trail of fire on her skin.

"Cal," she moaned closing her eyes and rolling her head back.

He chuckled as he moved back to her lips. "And to think, it's not even quite Christmas yet."

Well, he definitely wasn't a scrooge when it came to the bedroom, or well in this case, the library.

I don't know if I want to do a real Christmas chapter or just leave it at this. Well, let me know what you think.