CHAPTER TWO
DISCLAIMER: I don't own Glee.
Note: Just a gentle reminder, this story is not recommended for Brittana shippers. You may want to skip this whole story.
/
-Present Time-
It's the gloomiest birthday Santana could remember having in Lima. The thought that she could finally spend some quiet time with her parents and closest friends without any buzz and interruption should have brought her comfort. She yearns for that. That privacy and sense of normalcy that evaded her since nabbing all those coveted roles. It's funny, really. She had always wanted to be famous, no matter what, no matter how; but the moment she finally got her longtime 'dream', she longs to be invisible, even just for a while.
Santana feels the familiar tug in her hand and she internally frowns. The touch doesn't give her the comfort it used to give her – when any other time, at least in the distant past, it would have easily brought a smile to her lips. It's her birthday. She's home. She's with her. She should be happy.
But nothing seems to matter anymore.
It pains her to say it, but nothing really makes her happy anymore. Not the money; not the fame; and certainly not any of those awards.
"Are you okay, San?" Brittany pouts and Santana finds herself slightly annoyed at the childishness being displayed in front of her. Gone is the itch to be near her – to hold Brittany and just feel her.
But Santana offers a smile, thankful for the dark glasses she's wearing as they lounge on the chairs beside the Lopez family pool. "Of course, B."
"Good. How do you like your birthday weekend so far?" Brittany asks, and Santana finds herself grateful for the blonde's obliviousness.
"It's amazing. It's great to spend time with my folks. I've missed them." Santana offers a timid smile.
"I'm just glad that the tour has been moved next month! Now, I get to spend time with you." Brittany beams as she gets up from her chair to plant a lingering kiss on Santana's lips. The smaller woman kisses back, trying to drown the emptiness deep inside her. After what felt like an eternity, Brittany breaks the kiss before announcing that she has to check on her phone as she's expecting a call from her agent-manager. Santana heaves a sigh of relief as she feels Brittany skips giddily back to the house to retrieve her mobile.
Once she's sure that the woman has her back turned against her, Santana watches as Brittany walks away gracefully. After a year at MIT, the blue-eyed blonde decided that it wasn't the path that she wanted to pursue. Instead, she took an offer to dance for Beyoncé from a scout. Tired and utterly bored with all the academic prerequisites, Brittany joined MIT's dance troupe. During a showcase participated in by different dance troupes from colleges and universities in Massachusetts, Ian – an agent – came forward with a job offer and without a second thought, Brittany accepted. For four straight years, she toured with a number of pop artists around the world. On the fifth year since she dropped out of college, Brittany got her big break as she landed the role of a dancer in a television musical show. She's not as popular or as big as Santana, but with the TV show being a hit, Brittany's able to put her name out there.
But despite somewhat being in the same business, the two didn't really bump into each other. Santana earned a reputation as a showbiz hermit, barely partying or going out after work. It wasn't until Artie and Kitty's wedding a year and a half ago that that they saw each other again
Most of their friends, with the exception of Kurt and Rachel, pushed for the two to reconcile.
The road to getting back together wasn't entirely easy. Santana resisted, insisting that she wasn't ready for anything serious. It wasn't until six months ago – during their annual Glee Club Christmas Reunion that they decided to give it another go after Brittany confessed that she was still hoping that in the end, it'll be the two of them together.
FLASHBACK
"Mija, what's going on with you and Brittany?" Maribel finally asked after noticing that the charming blonde had been a fixture in their Lima home for the past days. Santana once again came home after her movie wrapped up, longing to spend time with her parents.
"Nothing Mami. We're just hanging out. Her show's on hiatus, and she's on vacation too…so…" Santana trailed on.
"You know, Mija, Brittany's a very sweet girl." Maribel pointed out.
"Hmmm…" Maribel sighed before taking the spot beside her daughter.
"It's been years, darling. You kept on saying that you're fine, that you're happy; but I know you're really not. Those bevy 'girlfriends' you paraded around? Mija, it was painfully obvious that you were never into any of them."
"Mami…" Santana warned, not liking where the conversation was going.
"All I'm saying is that, Brittany's someone I really adore. I've known the girl since you were both five years old. I've seen her grow up. I know her family really well. She's a very nice, kind-hearted and decent woman, Santana. Way better than any of the 'girls' you've 'dated', if you could call it that. Brittany's real, Mija. You have known her forever. She's safe. She's good for you."
"You don't know that, Mom."
"Maybe I don't. But of this, I'm sure, Santana…" Maribel pointed at her daughter for emphasis. "Hollywood is not the place to find true love. Maintaining a relationship in that world is difficult and stressful. Give Brittany a chance. The poor girl has been trying."
Santana let out a tired groan. Brittany indeed, in her own subtle way, hinted that she wanted the two of them to get back together. Santana's not sure why, but she's just not ready.
/
PRESENT TIME
A deep voice snaps Santana out of her trance, making her crane her neck sideways so she could look at her father.
"Yes, Papi?"
"These have just been delivered for you." He mutters, confusion writer all over his face. "The delivery man wouldn't say who it's from." Carlos handed the biggest bouquet of red roses he has ever seen in his life to his daughter, wondering who sent it.
"Thanks, Daddy." With a nod, Carlos steps back and walks away. Santana leans forward to watch him walk back to the house, but then redirected her attention to the item in her hands.
Red roses.
Noticing the small card stuck on top of the layer of papered wrapping, her heart starts speeding as she feels her chest expands. She hasn't felt this in a long, long time.
Santana,
Everything means as much now as they have been many, many years ago.
I am completely and utterly proud of you. Happy Birthday!
Santana smiles softly to herself, admiring the strokes in the little piece of paper. There's something different in the writing, but Santana can still recognize it.
"Someone sent you flowers." Brittany states from behind Santana's back. She kept smiling though, temporarily forgetting that her girlfriend is in the same vicinity. As she feels the taller woman coming near her, she rips the card and hid them in the wrapping. "Red roses. Your favorite." Brittany adds. Santana doesn't have to turn around to know that Brittany's sporting a tiny frown.
Santana does though, and what she sees is even worse.
"Yeah."
"From?" Brittany prods, raising an eyebrow in question.
"I have no idea." She lies. "Dad said the delivery man didn't say. Must be from Kurt or Rachel. They always send me anonymous notes and stuffs. You know, just to annoy me." Santana shrugs nonchalantly, putting the bouquet beside her drink.
"Funny." Brittany looks at the bouquet intently. "It's similar with –."
"Ladies! Lunch is almost done. Kurt and Rachel will be here any minute now. Go and get ready!" Maribel's voice reverberates across the yard and for the first time in a long while, Santana's grateful for her mother's weird timing.
/
Lunch was wonderful. Santana missed her mom's cooking and as soon as the first bite hit her taste buds, she knew that coming home was one of the best decisions she has ever made over the past months. Kurt and Rachel took the same flight from New York, wanting to join their former housemate in celebrating her birthday. As expected, the two dominated the lunch conversation, with Rachel having a slight advantage over Kurt who insisted on sampling every meal Maribel cooked.
"What's up with Brittany?" Rachel corners Santana a couple of hours after lunch. She wanted so much to have some alone time with the taller brunette, but Brittany seemed to have a sixth sense when it comes to her and she never really left Santana's side until it was time for her to go and make the final preparations for Santana's party later that night. Despite Santana's protests, Brittany insisted on gathering the ex-Glee 'kids' at the Pierce's house to celebrate Santana's day. Rachel, seeing an opening to talk to Santana without raising any flags, volunteered Kurt to accompany the said blonde in her errands.
"I got a bouquet of red roses earlier, Rachel. The same kind of bouquet I got from my birthday last year, then after the Golden Globes win and same ones that have been delivered to my trailer every week."
"Oh." Suddenly, her own fingernails interests Rachel.
"Oh is about right." Santana stares at her friend disapprovingly. "Do you know anything about this, Rachel?"
"I don't know what you're talking about, Santana." Rachel wrings her hands in denial.
"Oh please, Berry. I've known you since middle school and I had the misfortune of living with you for about a year. And even without all that, it doesn't take a genius to put the pieces together."
"I just want you to be happy Santana. You deserve that! For years, I just shut my mouth and let you do whatever it is that you do!"
"Now that's a first, Rachel." Santana smirks despite feeling the possible weight of where their conversation is heading.
"What's a first?" Rachel asks with a raised brow.
"Oh you know." Santana shrugs. "You. And shutting your mouth." Both dissolve in a fit of laughter, only to fall in a comfortable silence as soon as realization dawns on Santana. "You should have just told her, Rachel."
"What?"
"Don't. Please don't act like you're not talking to her. It's obvious you do. You and Kurt."
"It's Dani we're talking about here, Santana. The one you've been with for four years? And I don't mean that in an 'uh-yeah-we-were-together' way. Kurt and I were witnesses to the kind of love you two shared. Fiery and passionate. Come on! Kurt and I and everyone back then believed you'll end up together. Imagine what she'll feel if she finds out that you're with Brittany? The same Brittany whom you dissed about 'straying for penis'. You've spent time assuring Dani that you're not in love with Brittany anymore and now…" Rachel trailed on.
"You just said it. It's been four years, Rachel." Santana lets out a heavy breath. "We've both moved on."
"Have you really?" Rachel challenges.
"I guess." Santana grabs her glass and downs its contents. "How would I tell her that I'm back with Brittany?" She asks. "Sometimes I wish that my team's not this efficient in making sure to keep my private life hidden. Wouldn't it be easier if she just saw the pictures?" She chuckles. Indeed, Santana's people vigilantly made sure that nothing about their client's personal life gets out. That vigilance includes planting false information about Santana's whereabouts, just to confuse the paps. The fact that Santana herself is very careful (no drugs, no unnecessary partying, and making sure that she stays under the radar) helps. Sure, there has been that incessant rumor about her liking women, but nothing has been proven. It's not like they're hiding her sexuality per se, they just safeguard Santana's personal life like nobody's business.
"Her name is Dani, Santana and yes, you can mention her name." Rachel teases before turning serious again. "Of course it would be easier. But would that really be the best thing to do? Do you think it would hurt her less? Santana, I know that you'd like to think that Dani has lost all the rights after what happened in New York a month into your breakup…" Rachel's eyes widen, suddenly realizing that she may have ignited some bad memories from what she just implied.
"It's okay, Rachel." Santana smiles sadly.
She went back to New York a month after the 'break up'. To say that she left with more heartache would be an understatement. "It's in the past."
FLASHBACK:
A month after the breakup
Santana found herself seated on an unfamiliar sofa. She had been waiting here for almost an hour now.
When she reached this place, she was greeted by a warm hug by Elliot.
"Santana, know that whatever happens, I'm your friend. Okay?"
"Thanks, Elliot."
"I'm proud of you."
"Why's that?"
"You coming here? That says a lot." He gave her another hug before standing up from his spot on the couch once they heard the click of the door. As soon as the charming man was out, Santana heard Dani clear her throat.
"S-San?"
"Hi Dani." Santana mumbled, suddenly lost in the brown hues staring right back at her. In that instant, she forgot that the woman standing in front of her was the reason for her despair over the past month. All the pent up anger and fear and sadness were now overshadowed by her ache for Dani.
For her part, Dani felt her heart swell. After many weeks of feeling lifeless and heartless, it seemed as if she's alive. Again.
"W-What…"
"Come back to me, Dani." Santana surprised herself with the sudden intensity in her voice. She had practiced what she was about to say tonight, but everything flew out the window as soon as she saw Dani. She uttered the silent plea at the back of her mind.
"S-Santana –."
"Please…Let's…let's make this work." Santana pleaded.
"Santana, it's not that easy."
"Do you still love me?" Santana's question left Dani speechless for a while.
"You know I do…" Dani's voice broke. It wasn't even about love. That has never been their problem.
"I'll stay, Dani. I can make arrangements with –."
"San, stop…"
"Just say it, and I'll stay."
"I can't make you do that, Santana. You've worked so hard to get to where you are –."
"Can't you see? I'll leave it all for you, Dani! I –."
"Well maybe I don't want you to!"
"Dani please…" Santana pleaded harder, only to be met with silence. Again. Her lips trembled and tears started to fill her eyes. Before they could fall, she started to shut down. It wasn't long before she felt numb. With all the strength she could muster, she moved for the door.
"S-San…"
"Goodbye Dani." Santana opened the door, glancing at Dani once more. "I… I j-just… I'm so sorry…" She whispered before walking away, leaving an equally broken Dani.
Present Time
"I know that you don't want to hurt her, Santana." Rachel nods solemnly.
"I thought that was it, you know?" Santana circles her fingers around the mouth of her glass, the memory of that day coming back. "I thought going back there and trying to fight for that chance no matter what the results could be…" She shakes her head, seemingly having a hard time speaking her mind. "I thought that was the closure that we both needed. Apparently, we're wrong."
Rachel smiles internally, knowing that Santana has somewhat verbalized what they've all been thinking.
"I keep on telling myself that I've done nothing wrong, Rachel. But when I think of Dani finding out that I'm with Brittany or anyone else for that matter? I feel guilty. Like, I've betrayed her. " She chuckles bitterly. "It's stupid, really."
"It's not stupid, Santana."
"I can't meet up with her again, though. You know that right? She's been giving me all these flowers and notes and stuffs… and she even messaged the first time if we could talk…" Santana's voice breaks and Rachel hurries to hold her friend.
"Hey…it's alright."
"And those stupid songs? S-Sometimes…s-sometimes I feel like they're talking to me, you know?"
"Dani has always expressed herself best through music. You know that." Rachel smiles, as if needing to remind Santana of this 'tidbit'. For a second, Rachel's tempted to say that the songs have been, indeed, for Santana; but she bit her tongue. That's something that Dani would have to admit herself. "You know you would have to talk to her again though, right? Like, to finally settle things?"
"I don't know, Rachel. I really don't know…"
"Santana, whatever happens – ."
"I know, Berry. I know." Santana finally offers a genuine smile. "I know and… thanks, I guess?"
"Can I say one more thing?"
Santana rolls her eyes at Rachel's ridiculousness. "Even if I say no, you'll say it anyway. So yeah. Fire away, Berry."
"I still believe, Santana." Rachel winks. "You two –."
"Okay, hold up, Rachel." Santana shakes her head in frustration. "First, I need you and Kurt to stay out of this. No matter what happens, you two do not get to play a part in this – whatever this is." Santana stares up, shrugging. "About Dani and me, I mean."
"But –."
"And second!" She holds up her index finger, urging Rachel to shut up. "I know you and Kurt had made it painfully obvious that you are team Dani…" Santana's voice breaks at the mention of her ex's name. "But I am with Brit."
"We –."
"And I need you both to respect that." She cuts Rachel off. "And yes, that means no deliberate playing of Danielle's songs whenever Brit's around and –."
"But her songs are too good!"
"And no wearing of Team Dani shirts in Brit's presence!"
"I'll have you know that it wasn't intentional at all, Santana! We came all the way from Dani's stint at the Teen's Choice Awards. She was up against Taylor Swift and Adele, and Elliot had the shirts made. We didn't have any time to change."
"Yeah, keep saying that Berry. Who knows, one day you might believe that."
"Santana…"
"Please." Santana looks at her friend pleadingly. "That's basic etiquette, Rachel. Brittany deserves that."
/
The day after Santana's party:
"How do you feel about us, Britt?" Santana asks as she watches Brittany strap her bag on her shoulders. The blonde woman will be flying back to LA in a while to tape another episode of her television show.
Brittany blinks, not sure how the question came about, or how to process it. Leaning forward to take Santana's hand in hers, she smiles.
"Strongly of course. I think…" Brittany starts, obviously trying to form her thoughts. "I think that we're perfect together. We complement each other. We're also bestfriends and we know each other really well. I mean, we've been practically together since we were five. We're good together. We're Yin and Yang. We just fit, San." She rambles. "I love you, Santana. So much. More than anyone and anything in this world."
Santana chuckles at the statement. She's heard Brittany say it a lot of times, so she already knows and kind of expects those to be her answers. Yet she just couldn't shake the feeling that it shouldn't be the one she ought to be hearing.
Her stomach drops at the realization that Brittany's 'casualness' about them doesn't bother her. At all.
"How about you, San?"
"Hmmm." Santana internally winces in surprise. "Same thing, I guess. I think we have something really special."
"Good." Brittany steals a chaste kiss before enveloping Santana in a hug. "I sort of have a question myself." She smirks playfully.
"Shoot."
"How do you feel about our future?" Brittany holds on to Santana's answer with anticipation.
Like a deer caught in the headlights, Santana scrambles for a reply. "I actually like the way things are right now. You know what I mean? I'm taking it one day at a time. We just got back together and whatnot…"
"Oh." Brittany stops dead on her tracks, trying to understand the meaning behind Santana's words. "That's cool." Clearing her throat, Brittany opts to get moving. "So! Shall we go, babe?"
"Sure."
/
FLASHBACK
"Hey San…" Dani whispered with her eyes closed, hoping that Santana's still awake. She was on her back; Santana sprawled all over her , cuddling Dani as if her life depended on it.
"Hmm." Santana answered sleepily.
"You haven't said it yet." Dani baited.
"Haven't said what?" Santana mumbled, annoyed at Dani's sudden need to 'talk' in the middle of the night.
"That you love me." Opening an eye, Santana looked at Dani guiltily. "We promised never to sleep without saying that we love each other…" She said sheepishly.
"You're annoying. But you're my annoying girlfriend. I love you."
"Say it again without the first two sentences." Dani teased.
"I love you, Dani."
"I love you, San. So much." They kissed lazily before Santana yawned droopily. "You have no idea how much."
"Hmm. Care to give me an idea how much, Miss Harper? Tell me how you really feel." Santana beamed, a little more awake than she was a few seconds ago. "How do you feel about me? About us?"
"I feel like I'm about to combust everytime I see you or just think about you. It's like I can't even decide if the world stops whenever you're near or if it spins so fast. I feel like jumping from all this pent up happiness. I've been in a really dark place in a long while, destructive even – and now, you're here. With me. Loving me. I feel like I'm not that same broken woman that I was before you came into my life. I feel like screaming. Like I want everyone to know that you're mine."
"Oh Dani…"
"I'm going to marry you one day, Santana. I'm gonna work really hard and I'll give you the wedding you dreamed of. I'm gonna make songs for and about you. I know I'll do absolutely everything to make you happy." Dani beamed before planting a passionate kiss on Santana.
"I could get used to waking up in the middle of my sleep to these declarations." Santana murmured cheekily.
"Well, it's definitely better than that time you woke me up crying, just to complain about your dream of living on a farm with five kids." Dani reminded her girlfriend.
"I thought we agreed never to bring that up again?!"
"We agreed not to bring it up in front of other people. Not between us."
"Same difference!"
"Nah. Totally not."
Sorry for the wait! I hope you liked this chapter! Based on my draft, there will be Dantana interactions in the next chapter, and yes, in the present time.