A/N- I know this is shorter than usual but I had to study for a World History midterm (blah). I am also going to Nashville to the big Twilight signing. YAY!!! So it might take awhile for the next chapter. Sorry. However I feel bad that I haven't been able to update as much as usual so I am going to post something I have been working on that is basically chapter 3 of New Moon from Edward's POV. It is called Darkness. It should post right after this. Happy Thanksgiving to all those who celebrate it!! Thanks to all those who took time to review. Please do it again I promise I will write The Vote soon.

Disclaimer: It's all Stephenie's

The kiss continued to build in passion. I wanted this and so much more. I felt relief for the first time since Bella woke up. She loved me not the wolf. I couldn't contain myself. I realized that Bella probably needed air, so I reluctantly moved my lips from hers and laid my head against her chest. Her heart beat was erratic and her breathing was heavy. This was pure bliss. Everything I had dreamed of the last six months came true in a matter of minutes. I sat there thinking of everything Bella had said before the kiss and realized she still thought I would leave.

"By the way I'm not leaving you." I waited for her response, some sort of excitement or recognition that this was fact. She sat in silence and I took that as a bad sign. I lifted my head off her chest reluctantly and gazed deeply into her eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not without you." I changed my tone to be more serious so that she would understand the gravity of my words. "I only left in the first place because I wanted you to have a chance at a normal, happy, human life. I could see what I was doing to you- keeping you constantly on the edge of danger, taking you away from the world you belonged in, risking your life every moment I was with you. So I had to try. I had to do something, and it seemed like leaving was the only way. If I hadn't thought you would be better off, I could have never made myself leave. I'm much too selfish. Only you could be more important than what I wanted…..what I needed. What I want and need is to be with you, and I know I'll never be strong enough to leave again. I have too many excuses to stay- thank heavens for that! It seems you can't be safe, no matter how many miles I put between us." I was grateful for that fact. I was not the cause of Bella's dangerous life. Fate played a bigger role in the danger brought upon her than I did.

"Don't promise me anything." She whispered softly almost as if she didn't mean to say it out loud. Bella didn't believe me and she had every reason not to. It didn't stop me from being angry, but not at her. I was angry at me. I had put all the doubt firmly in her mind and I could spend an eternity trying to remove it.

"You think I am lying to you now?"

"No- not lying." She paused and shook her head. I wish I knew what was going through her head. It pained me to watch her analyze everything we had. "You could mean it…..now. But what about tomorrow, when you think about all the reasons you left in the first place? Or next month, when Jasper decides to take another snap at me?" I winced at her last statement. I didn't know how to get past all the bad things that had happened. How would Jasper, my family, live down all the things that had caused me to leave? I wouldn't leave no matter what; even if she kicked me out I would watch over her forever.

"It isn't has if you hadn't thought the first decision through, it is? You'll end up doing what you think is right." She had guessed, there was no way she could have known. Bella was always so observant; I should have expected she would know. It had taken me days to let her go. At first, I wasn't sure if I could really do it but day after day I told myself that I had to for her sake. If only I could show her how hard it was for me. She might understand then. I had some idea of how hard it was for her and it pained me to think about it. The only option I had was to try and explain what my existence was without her, if you could call it an existence. Besides I would never be strong enough to leave again.

"I am not as strong as you give me credit for. Right and wrong have ceased to mean much to me; I was coming back anyway. Before Rosalie told me the news, I was already past trying to live through one week at a time, or even one day. I was fighting to make it through one hour. It was only a matter of time- and not much of it- before I showed up at your window and begged you to take me back. I'd be happy to beg now, if you'd like that." I would beg, I would plead, I would even gravel if it would make her feel better, if it would make her believe me.

"Be serious, please."

"Oh, I am. Will you please try to hear what I am telling you? Will you let me attempt to explain what you mean to me?" I had to choose the perfect words. I had to find some way to make her understand the pain I went through being away from her. I needed her to know the depth of my love. It was endless. I watched her expression closely to make sure she knew what I was about to say was important.

"Before you, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars - points of light and reason. ... And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn't see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything." My existence ended the day I left her and hadn't truly begun again until my lips touched hers. She renewed my reasons for existing. I always knew she was the reason, I just needed to be reminded.

"Your eyes will adjust." She couldn't mean that.

"That's just the problem- they can't." My existence would be nothing but darkness without her, I knew this for sure.

"What about your distractions?" She still doubted me. Couldn't she see there was nothing this world could hold that would distract me from her? A humorless laugh escaped me before I explained what little distraction there was for me.

"Just part of the lie, love. There was no distraction from the …the agony. My heart hasn't beat in almost ninety years, but this was different. It was like my heart was gone-like I was hollow. Like I'd left everything that was inside me here with you." Everything that made me feel human, that made this existence worth while. I left it all behind the second I walked away from her.

"That's funny." How could she find my pain funny?

"Funny?"

"I meant strange-I thought it was just me. Lots of pieces of me went missing, too. I haven't been able to really breathe in so long." She breathed in deeply to prove to herself and to me that she could do it effortlessly now. "And my heart. That was definitely lost." I could clearly hear the rhythmic beating of her heart. It was found. I laid my ear against her chest to hear the beating of her heart and to feel her warmth. She let her cheek fall against my hair and I could hear her breathing in my scent. This was all I ever needed. Lying in her arms, drowning in her warmth was perfection.

"Tracking wasn't a distraction then?"

"No, that was never a distraction. It was an obligation." It was the only thing I had that still connected me to her while I was away.

"What does that mean?"

"It means, that even though I never expected any danger from Victoria, I wasn't going to let her get away with…..Well, like I said, I was horrible at it. I tracked her as far as Texas, but then I followed a false lead down to Brazil- and really she came here." I groaned in frustration at the thought of what could have happened. "I wasn't even on the right continent! And all the while, worse than my worst fears-" I couldn't think about what would have happened if Jacob hadn't been protecting Bella when I should have been. I had left her and Victoria, she was so close to hurting my Bella.

"You were hunting Victoria?" Bella shrieked, practically waking Charlie up.

"Not well," she seemed displeased by my efforts but I wouldn't let her down again. "But I'll do better this time. She won't be tainting perfectly good air by breathing in and out for much longer."

"That is….out of the question!"

"It's too late for her. I might have let the other time slide, but not now, not after-" She tried to hurt Bella and if she had found Bella she would have tortured her.

"Didn't you just promise that you weren't going to leave? That isn't exactly compatible with an extended tracking expedition, is it?" The doubt was back in her voice.

A growl built up in chest. I needed her to understand. "I will keep my promise, Bella. But Victoria is going to die soon."

"Let's not be hasty. Maybe she's not coming back. Jake's pack probably scared her off. There's really no reason to go looking for her. Besides, I've got bigger problems than Victoria." I could hear the panic in her voice, she didn't hide it very well even though she tried.

"It's true. The werewolves are a problem," especially Jacob. I knew for sure that there would come a time that he and I would have to talk. I owed him my thanks.

"I wasn't talking about Jacob. My problems are a lot worse than a handful of adolescent wolves getting themselves into trouble." Bella seemed amused that I thought the wolves were the worst of her problems. I was now curios what her worst problem was. I was going to protest about the wolves but I thought better of it. I had a bad feeling about what Bella considered her worst problem to be.

I spoke through clenched teeth. "Really? Then what would be your greatest problem? That would make Victoria's returning for you seem like such an inconsequential matter in comparison."

"How about the second greatest?"

"All right." I really didn't like where this was headed.

"There are others who are coming to look for me."

I let a deep sigh escape me. "The Volturi are only the second greatest?"

"You don't seem that upset about it."

"Well, we have plenty of time to think it through. Time means something very different to them than it does to you, or even me. They count years the way you count days. I wouldn't be surprised if you were thirty before you crossed their minds again." It really would be that long. Bella would have a long happy human life. Everything would be fine. I looked at Bella and realized she had tears welling up in her eyes. I wondered if she feared the arrival of the Volturi. They would never find her. I would make sure of that. No one would harm Bella again. Part of me did wonder if that was why she was really crying or if it had something to do with me. I couldn't watch her cry. I wanted to hold her and make all the pain go away.