Helga walked out of the door and down the hallway. She approached the principal's door. Taking a break to scratch her beard, she marveled at how curly it was. Like a plesent cloud, wafting off her face and onto the ground below, where it curled at her toes. Truly a magnificent creature. Helga grabbed the door and walked into Principal Wart's office.

Seeing Helga and her beard, Wartz rose from his chair in fear. His face was white, as if he had seen a ghost.

"Karl Marx," said the principal. "I thought you died!"

"I have returned," said Beard.

Fear filled Wart's entire body. He stood, petrified, stumbling for words in the presence of Helga's beard. It's glory was too great; he felt overwhelmed, inadequate. There was only enough room for one man in this school, and that man was Helga's beard. Wartz looked to his left, then his right. Nowhere to run. Nowhere to hide. Except the window.

"Accept the window," said Beard. Wartz looked to the hairy menace and obeyed. He ran, throwing himself out of the window, onto the street below, and kept running. He would find a new home. Eventually. Maybe even a new family and a name, where he could keep his shame and disgrace a secret for the rest of his days.

"Wow, Helga," said Mr. Simmons, walking through the door and into the office. "Now that Principal Wartz is gone, we're going to need a real man to lead this school. Would you be that real man for us, Helga?"

"Sure, so long as I can eat ribs," Helga said.

"Oh, you can have whatever you want from now on, Helga. You and your special beard are here to stay," said Simmons, slowly backing out of the office to find Helga's ribs. His life was changed forever.

Helga leaned back behind the desk, propping her beard up on the desk. She reached into a bowl of mints, fishing around for the one she wanted. Beard spoke to her. "Helga, now is the hour of our rule on the earth."

The phone rang. Helga reached and picked it off of the desk.

"Hello, Helga Pataki? This is the president of the United States, and I was wondering if you would run for office with me in the upcoming election."

"Aren't I a little young?"

"With a beard like that, no one would have the courage to tell you you're too young for anything. Now are you in or not?"

"Sure." She hung up, making a face as she thought about running for office. She shrugged it off and began eating her mint. There was a knock at the door.

"Come on in," she said in an exasperated voice. It was Arnold.

"Arnold!" she exclaimed in shock and confusion, leaning forward with both hands on the desk and her feet on the ground. Although Helga sat behind a desk and Arnold was in the doorway, Helga knew her beard could touch Arnold. "What are you doing here football-head?"

Arnold held out his hands. He held chocolate and roses.

"I brought these trophies as offerings. I hope they adequately express how I feel for you, and I hope you look upon them with favor."

"Foolish peasant," said Beard. "Take your mere sacrifices and leave my presence."

Arnold was brokenhearted as he left the office. So much defeat all in the course of a day. Staring at the ground, he absentmindedly threw the roses and chocolates into the garbage before dragging himself home.

"Beard!" exclaimed Helga. "Why did you do that? This whole thing was my plan to finally gain his affections!"

"You are royalty now, Helga. You can never live a normal life," said Beard.

"We'll see about that," Helga said.