The Descent

Chapter 6: God's Face

After dropping off Mindy back home, I was supposed to head back out and do my cardio regime, but something was bothering me. The Buzzard. As unspectacular as he was, he'd struck a match in me leading to my superhero powder keg. I'd been on hiatus (for the most part) for the past year, and now I had Mindy to look out for. I had to keep her out of everything even vaguely related to her past as Hit-Girl – To become Kick-Ass again would risk Mindy losing it again. Seeing me in costume might as well be a shortcut to her vendetta.

"Go to your room and rest, Mandy." I lead her gently in the direction of her room. She gave me a sweet smile, indicating her understanding. In the meantime, I had something else in mind, "Shower at 7 and come back to me for a new bandage, okay?"

"Okay…" Mindy replied in her usual meekness and went to her room.

I went into mine. I made sure the door was shut for what came next. Sitting behind my desk with my desktop computer before me, I started searching for superheroes who were still active. Unsurprisingly, the Buzzard was one of them. Then there was this scantily-clad woman with what looked like a modified pool cue, calling herself the Nightbitch. One of the most unconventional names I'd ever heard of. The next name that came up on Google was an African-American physics professor who calls himself Doctor Gravity. His logo was a white Rutherford-Bohr atom – I somehow remember that term in school – with 3 electron orbits around the nucleus. He seemed very serious about his role with his red-and-white uniform and what was introduced on his Facebook page as the Zero-G Device. It was silver and sleek with some pink LED and a matching glowing keypad near the handle. After some thoughts, I accepted it as a real device – with superheroes roaming the streets, everything else sure wasn't far off. Hey, it's already 2011.

Ever since Mindy was put in an asylum, I'd been a recluse to the Superhero world. I was always alone, even when there were talks on the internet about teaming up. I'd never watch the news for the past year, and I didn't even bother with the internet much. 'Superhero' was a word that disappeared from my list of search terms. Now that I feel like going back out there, I would have to start from the ground-up once again. I couldn't help but to think of Hit-Girl, and Big Daddy, and what could have been. I'd killed my own career as Kick-Ass, not that that was what I was thinking when the latter was burning alive. I couldn't help but to think that I had done more harm than good. The Father-and-Daughter duo would have been fine without me, especially Mindy. The innocent lives that had fallen to her insanity were blood on my hands just as much.

Looking around my room, I realised just how bare it was. Before Mindy came in, it was absolutely cluttered, the walls full of posters, the shelves comic-books Even the bed and floor was padded with them. Now, it was just a void. It was just brown walls and plaster. With all the extra time I had freed up from being a comic connoisseur, there was even time for me to do some spring cleaning. Now, my room resembled something out of a cheap motel. It was bare, Spartan without the muscles. Somehow, it became an imagery for where my life was heading. I didn't want it to be filled with nothing and regret. I didn't want it to be depressingly silent, lonely. Kick-Ass it is. I've decided officially there and then to make a comeback.

If Mandy had been Mindy, I would have tried teaming up with her, if she would even want to, considering that it was my fault she lost the ultimate team in the first place – her and her dad. Now, I would have to start scouting again, or, like Big Daddy and Hit-Girl, let them come to me. I reopened the superhero profiles.

There were no other superheroes on the first page. For the time being, they were the most talked-about of them all. Between the 3 of them though, I trusted Doctor Gravity the most. I'd already seen the Buzzard, and Nightbitch sounded… off. After refreshing the search page, I saw Hacksaw and The Enforcer, but they didn't look like team players. They must have read either Batman or The Punisher.

Doctor Gravity, hands down. I sent him a message on Facebook, told him my intentions about meeting up. It wasn't as easy as I first thought it would be. I had to get into the Kick-Ass feel again, and my message had to be awesome enough to reflect that. The last few forum entries and chat I saw of Kick-Ass were of people remembering me as the first who started it. It was historically untrue, as Mindy and her father were already kicking Mafia ass big-time, but it was close enough. Somehow, my message had to reflect that. I became engrossed with that one message when…

"Dave… I'm done showering. My knee still hurts." The door swung open, and Mindy came in. I jumped before closing my laptop quickly. Looking at where Mindy was, I could tell from the angle she looked at me that she could have seen what was on my screen. Thankfully, she could have only seen it for a brief moment, but it didn't make me feel any better. The eye is a powerful thing – especially Mindy's. Even if she was practically deprogrammed by Dr Paul, I wasn't sure if his procedure had reached the way she used her eyesight back then.

"You forgot to knock, Mandy." I said, making sure I was calm this time. I'd done enough bad brother routine for the day. I hate seeing her cry – It reminded me of everything that happened, everything I did wrong, everything that went wrong for her... That was her superpower now, and my Kryptonite.

"Oh, I'm sorry…" She apologised. She didn't cry, but she was giving me the look of a kid in trouble, as if she'd just smashed a window or something. To put it into perspective though, my dad and I made knocking on the door to someone's room a huge deal – we figured it as a safeguard for Mindy whenever we decide to experience the luxury that we could no longer have lying around with her in the family.

"It's fine, Mandy, it really is!" I tried to lighten the mood, "Go sit on my bed and I'll fix you up." She smiled awkwardly, still recovering from making her mistake, and went to my bed, "Do you want a Barbie bandage or Hello Kitty?" I'd bought those for her just in case.

"Hello Kitty!" Mindy exclaimed excitedly, all seriousness forgotten.

Later that Night…

Sneaking out of my room, I peeked into Mindy's to make sure she was asleep, and sure enough, she was there, tucked in by my dad. She's had a pillow over her eyes. It wasn't the first time. When I asked her about it a few days ago, she said it was for covering her eyes, as she was a little afraid of sleeping alone. I was surprised that she hadn't asked to sleep in with me or my dad – at least in that way, her courage wasn't entirely lost. Her room was still a dull brown. Dad had already bought the paint, but we hadn't done the painting. We'd already planned something for it, but that would be in the weekends.

Going further down the corridor, I unlocked the hatch to the attic and went up to my treasure trove. The attic was hardly ever cleared up, and as a result there were stacks of boxes as high as the roof, some of which had fallen over. Memories were stored up here, like my comic books and figurines. But something else wasn't going to remain a memory for long…

It took me a while to figure out where I'd put my Kick-Ass costume, but it came back to me quick enough. At the other end of the attic from where I was, my life-long collection had a corner to itself, a huge corner. A whole bookshelf of comics, and leaning on it was the luggage. Dialing the passcode, I opened it up, and there inside, it lay: A pair of yellow gloves and boots, the scuba suit that had stayed with me for quite a while, the helmet, utility belt and vest. I had a pair of tasers. Oh dude, that is one gay looking taser... A ghost whispered into my ear, the ghost of Mindy's past.

Then there's the batons – I could never forget the batons. Taking the sticks up, I was mesmerised by my own weapon, I had to touch it. The batons had clunked the head of many a villains. Yet, I also remembered – it was used on me and Big Daddy, back when we were nearly executed. Never again, a side of my head thought. Yeah, of course, because Big Daddy's dead, the other side countered. There was still blood on the green batons – It was Mindy's blood, when I took her down in a combo. I remembered it all so clearly…

Like a reflex, I swung my baton against her just above the waist. I was even able to surprise myself when she stumbled in that direction.

'That's it' I thought, 'this is my ticket out. This is everyone's ticket out.' I was encouraged, and I swung my baton against her again. This time it landed just below her left armpit. I could hear a crack- it was either my weapon or her rib, "That was for Michael!" There was only one way to find out.

Like some fighter in a weird martial arts video game, I was doing a combo- I went for another swipe in the opposite direction, winding myself up fully, "And that was for Aldan!"

Demoness could not react at all before the stick connected with the side of her head and, as if we were in some Chinese movie, she spun in mid-air from the force I exerted on her before landing on the hard ground, finally floored, "That- that was for Mindy!"

I found out too late that Demoness was Mindy. After brutalising her with my batons, I wasn't done yet with my stupidity. I started interrogating her. Got angry when I thought she wouldn't tell, and it went out of hand. Before I saw past her disguise, I threatened her with a pistol, I'd pistol whipped her twice, choked her to within an inch of her last breath. I'd punched her in the guts a few times, slammed her against walls, slapped her, and kicked her a painful many times. I hurt her so bad – broke a few bones, bled her out. Had Mindy died that day, I would have joined her, no questions asked.

"Oh, Mindy… I'm so sorry for everything…" I whispered, feeling an old friend creeping down my cheeks as I was hugging my batons, hugging Mindy's year-old dried blood. I looked at my main weapons again – and held them tighter, "Never again." I promised myself that I wouldn't make the same mistakes again.

A while later…

I did the usual rounds, walking the beat, except I knew vaguely where the hotspots were. As I was just out of retirement again, I decided to just avoid the hotspots for the day. But who am I kidding? Of course I went for the hotspots!

But even the hotspots were quieter these days. With the whole city cowboying up and even producing superheroes like Marvel, muggers and pervs were having a run for their money, at least at first. Knowing human nature, crime would surely go off the charts once things'd reached a new equilibrium. I knew I was stubborn, always going back into my wet suit. It won't take long for the bad guys to reach for their knives once again, and that's why we still have superhero comic books even after humanity's been at it for a million years.

For an hour or two, all I did was to attract smiles and encouragement. At least I knew the people wanted me back. I was hi-fiving so many times, my arms were starting to ache even before I'd taken down my first villain of the night. At least I knew I'd need to do some upper body exercises so I could hi-five and fight crime more.

Another hour or two passed. My feet were getting sore – I'd need to get used to foot patrols again. There was no crime to be fought tonight. Still, I wasn't discouraged. Sure, the fall of the D'Amico empire has had every criminal lying low and superheroes popping up, but the Mindy… Demoness'd done quite some damage to the police force to balance it out. To get to Detective Gigante for collaborating with Frank D'Amico, she massacred police officers in their own headquarters. To get to Angie D'Amico and her lieutenants, she went through an army of police officers, again. As Demoness, Mindy was a force of nature, and she left the NYPD demoralised. Some officers ended up quitting; others migrated to other services, such as the fire department or hospitals, and there weren't enough freckle-faced new recruits joining, even after all that free advertisements superheroes like me gave. I can't say I blame them though. You don't get almost a hundred dead police officers within the space of hours every day. It must have felt like the end of times for them.

After the clock struck 3 without someone striking me, I knew it was time to knock off.

…

"-ROBIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'S REVEEEEEEEENNNNNGE!" No no no no no please not this again so much pain!

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! " Why? Why? Why? Oh why? The pain throbs it throbs bad stop please…

STOP! NO!

I struggled awake – it was horrible. I couldn't help but to sit up. It was so scary that I was clammy with sweat. I woke up with tears on my face. Why do I get these nightmares? They were so scary.

Dave stood at my door. He was watching me, and he looked worried. He always does. He quickly came to me, and it made me feel better already, knowing that he was there for me.

I wish I could remember everything before the bus accident, so that I could remember everything about Dave, everything about what he'd done for me. He's the best big brother in the world, even though he scolds me and made me cry sometimes.

"Same nightmare?" Dave asked me as he sat down beside me. I nodded, trying hard not to cry. I wanted to make him proud, "What was it about? You weren't clear the last time."

"I don't remember." I thought hard about my nightmare, but all I could remember was darkness, explosions and shouting. One of them was very loud and sounds familiar. Then I remembered something. It don't understand what it meant at all, "Ro- something… Ro-bin… Someone screamed Robin…"

"You were having a nightmare about a little bird?" Dave explained. He was smiling as he was wiping away my sweat and tears with his hand.

"No!" He was making fun of me! I'm not afraid of a bird! I felt so misunderstood – it didn't feel like a small bird. It felt like something else, something that wasn't a bird. I didn't know how to explain it to Dave.

"Well, whatever it was, don't think about it and it'll just go away." Dave said. I tried listening to him, but I can't stop thinking about the nightmare. Why does it keep coming back? I hate it so much! I couldn't help but to cry a bit again. Then Dave hugged me. I love it when he does that, "Go take a bath alright, Mandy? You'll feel better after that." He stood up. I miss him hugging me already.

"And if that doesn't, I'm sure breakfast will. I'm cooking today." He continued. I smiled. I had never tasted his cooking before, but I know it would be tasty. He walked out of the room, but before he went away, he said something else, "Oh, and by the way, I'm taking you out for some shopping after breakfast."

Taking a new set of dress, the best that Daddy bought, I went to the bathroom. I love to take a bath, especially when the water's hot. I just wish I didn't have these scars on my body. When I looked at the way other girls dress, I wish I could dress like them, but I need to hide the white lines. I wish they would disappear soon. I hate them so much!

Walking out of my room and into the corridor outside my room, I went to the bathroom. When I was about to lock the door, I thought I saw someone at the other end of the corridor. I thought he had a moustache, and blonde hair like me. But when I opened the door totally again, he was gone. I guess it must have been Dave. He was near his room anyway.

Dave was right. The bath did help. I knew he would be right. He knew how to take care of me. I can't dress like the rest of the girls in class, but at least I have Dave! I could always hear those girls hating their family, calling them names just like they called me names.

I took my bath quickly. I was excited to go shopping with Dave! I don't remember the last time I did shopping. Have I ever shopped with Dave before? I bet I must have.

When I'm down at the kitchen, Dad and Dave were still cooking. I guess I was a little too fast, I guess. "Oh, Mandy!" Dave said. He was cooking and talking to me at the same time, "That was quick! You need to slow down sometimes. How long did you take? 5 minutes?" I didn't even realise I was that fast. I guess I was excited about shopping.

I sat at the dinner table for a while. I like being with my brother and father. I like watching them cook together. It makes me happy that we're together. When they were done, they set the dish before me. "Blueberry pancakes!" Blue, like my school bag and some of my clothes. I see blue all the time. Maybe I should ask for pink next, to match the blue.

"Bon appétit!" Dad said. They set down their own dishes and the forks and knives. Then there was orange juice from the fridge. I love orange juice!

Before we started eating, we prayed to God again. Dad called it the 'Lord's Prayer'. Dad and Dave did it seriously, so I followed them. Putting my hands together and closing my eyes, I repeated after dad.

"Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name." Dave and I prayed in unison. I imagined a castle on the clouds. But what does God looked like? I thought I saw him as I said the prayer. I saw blonde hair and moustache. A pair of big spectacles. Was that how God looked like? "Your kingdom come, your will be done, on earth, as it is in heaven."

"Give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors." I couldn't help but to keep thinking about that face. It was beautiful. But was he forgiving? That thought suddenly came into my mind. Yet, it was a kind and caring face, like Dad and Dave's.

"And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil." But when I saw that face, I knew that God would deliver us from evil. "Amen."

I took my fork and knife. I couldn't wait to taste Dad and Dave's blueberry pancakes. But before I could do that, my left hand started shaking again. It was holding the knife. Why does that keep happening? Then Dave looked at me… with that look.

"Do you want me to help cut your pancakes again, Mandy?" Dad offered, but I didn't want to bother him so much.

"It's fine, Dad, thanks." My hand with the knife was shaking, but I tried cutting my pancake that way. Why does it keep shaking? My left hand felt weak. The fingers felt weak. I couldn't cut a piece and I had to put down the knife. So frustrating! Dave looks worried when he saw it all happening.

"You sure you're fine?" Dad asked again. I didn't want to bother him, so I told him I'm fine. I started cutting with my fork. It worked out okay, I guess.

"Good thinking, Mandy." Dave praised me. I smiled at him. I love it when he does that. We ate in silence for a bit, but it was the happy sort of silence. But I had to tell them about what I saw.

"Dad, Dave." I started, but I didn't know how to say it. I looked at the table as I was thinking. I don't know why I keep doing that. They said it was fine, that I was shy and timid by nature, ever since the day I was born, "I think I saw God just now when we were saying the Lord's Prayer."

"Well, how does he look like?" Dad asked. He looks very interested. Hadn't he seen God before? I thought it would happen to everyone when they said the Lord's Prayer.

I had to close my eyes and think of the face so that I could remember. "He had blonde hair, moustache and a big pair of spectacles." I said, "He had a beautiful face."

"Huh." Dad uttered as he took another bite of blueberry pancakes. He sounded a little surprised. Dave still looked worried. My poor brother… He's always caring about me. I should learn to take care of him too, "That's interesting, because God's normally bearded and white-haired. I don't remember spectacles."

"Maybe you could ask the pastor about it tomorrow." Dad continued. What's a pastor?

"We're going to a church tomorrow?" Dave asked. He sounded surprised.

"Yep." Dad said, "We sure are, buddy." Dave still looked surprised. Don't we go to a church all the time? Before the bus accident? "How about that, Mandy? How do you like going to church?"

"I'd love to!" I exclaimed. It feels exciting – I'd get to ask the pastor about God's face.