Disclaimer: Copyright of Janet Evanovich. I only own Ricky and Sofia.
Note: Hello everybody, I hope you're all doing well. I just noticed I have been signing my replies with "best of the best," and what I mean is best of the best to all of you. My friend was confused so I'm clearing that out. Secondly, this chapter is a little bit more like a filler. I'm still working on my short film and writing papers (I think my brain is fried). My film is due in two weeks, and I might not be able to update until then. Thank you to all of you still following this story, and willing to wait. I hope this chapter is enjoyable. Stephanie needed a mental break before things get bad. Thanks to my beta, ladyofkeegan, and all of you for reading and/or reviewing. Please, let me know what you think about this chapter.
Best of the best,
~MissPadfoot
Chapter 12. It Hurts to Love
There is not other way to put it. It hurts to love. Love is the most difficult, complicated feeling, sentiment, and action of them all. My mother warned me about love. "One day," she would say, "you'll fall in love, Carlos, then you'll understand. You will be wishing for things you never wished before and then things will change, honey. I just hope you'll be happy, because love also hurts."
She was hurting. It hurt me to see her hurting. She's strong but even the strongest men I have met have their moments. I'm having one of those moments right now and I have seen many things in my life that never made me even take a second glance. I looked at Stephanie's bloodshot eyes and it pulled something deep inside me. She looked down, in an attempt to hide her eyes from me and I just watched her helplessly. I knew she was overcompensating with the food and teaching Ricky Spanish. She was finding ways to fill my absence and that hurts.
Love hurts.
I contemplated the situation, trying to find a strategy that would get us out of this misery. My only consolation is that we might come out of this one even stronger but there's no way of rushing time. It hurts.
We finished dinner in that same fashion. She kept hiding those gorgeous eyes from me and I unsuccessfully pretended not to notice. She started picking up the dishes and I asked Ricky to wait for me in the den. He was excited about some book Mr. Plum had given him. I took the rest of the dishes and found Stephanie battling with the plates in the sink. I waited for her to say something but she didn't. I thought I was the silent one. My best guess is that she would tell me if something was going on.
"Babe," I said softly, hoping the word 'babe' would bring a smile.
She quietly started sponging the dishes. I took a towel from the cabinet to help, making a mental note to get her a dishwasher.
"Do you want to know why I don't call you Babe anymore?" I asked in an effort to make her talk to me. I wanted to know what was going on but she wasn't saying anything. I wondered if she ever felt the same way about my silence. She waited a couple of minutes to respond
"Why?" She finally rasped.
I started putting the plates back in the cabinet, "because you don't call me Carlos."
She finally looked up at me, confused.
"We have a child together," I continued, "and you don't call me by my real name. I think it's wrong."
"You never asked," she responded quietly, focusing her attention on an old rusty pan.
"I did, Steph," replied. I knew this wasn't the appropriate time for me to say anything but I asked her four and half years ago. In the last few days, I started overusing her name, hoping that she would take the hint without me telling her.
"I asked you," I continued, "and now I'm asking you again. We have a long way to go from here."
"Ranger," she sighed.
"Stephanie," I annunciated. She will take the hint. She looked away from me, and I noticed a smile.
-rs-
I put Ricky to bed and read him a bedtime story, just like I promised him. It was a new experience for me. I would have never thought I would find myself in this position. It got me thinking of Julie and how I never got to pamper her the same way.
Ricky fell asleep before I was done reading. He is a sweet child, bright, and quick. He also inherited his parents' good looks. If he's as good as me, he might give me a run for my money.
It surprised me how happy he seemed with my presence. It made me wonder if he ever felt lonely all by himself. I grew up with five brothers and sisters. It was hard at times, but I can't imagine how it would have been without my sister, Celia. She was the one I interacted the most, maybe because she was the eldest, and she always lied to get me out of trouble.
Ricky probably had friends in New York. Maybe it's time for him to meet his many cousins in Newark. Then I remembered that Stephanie's nieces were here in Trenton. I also couldn't leave out RangeMan, Stephanie's Merry Men. They also love him and they are practically kids.
I brushed his hair away from his eyes and he stirred in his sleep, putting his thumb in his mouth. I smiled to myself, pulling out his finger and he moved his mouth like a fish.
A sudden revelation took me by surprise. I wasn't worried about Ricky being lonely. I shook my head trying to push the idea out of my head because it would just complicate things. I need time. There will be a time when my ego, my pride won't be on the way. Only then, she and I could have another child. Stephanie owes me a pregnancy anyways.
-rs-
I found Steph asleep in front of the television. She had a crazy week, no doubt about it. She has been working hard on this case. It was close to her heart.
She looked peaceful in her sleep, her hair scattered over the arm of the sofa. I turned off the television and carefully pulled her into my arms. She nestled her head on my shoulder and I carried her up to her bedroom.
Once she was in bed, I took off her shoes, and debated taking off her clothes. I had a feeling she would feel uncomfortable sleeping in her jeans, so I slowly took them off too. She stirred a little, mumbling something in her sleep. I pulled the blanket up to her waist, and tied up her hair so it wouldn't make her uncomfortable throughout the night.
I lost against temptation and lightly brushed my lips against hers. She inhaled in her sleep, arching herself against me, and whispered my name, Carlos.
Stephanie is my weakness. I left the room before things worsen.
-rs-
Steph's POV
This morning, I woke up at seven with a smile on my face. I had a vivid dream and I could have sworn my room smelled like Ranger.
On that note, I had no recollection of how I got there. I remember falling asleep on the sofa, thinking of ways to spend time with my son. I remember listening to Ranger read to Ricky through the door. I loved that he was making an effort to spend time with him. It was better than expected and it warmed my heart. Ranger and Ricky were developing a good relationship. Ricky adores Ranger and Ranger loves Ricky. I had the feeling that he has loved him since the moment they met.
I stepped out of bed and found myself half naked. I was in my underwear and the t-shirt I was wearing the night before. The strange thing is that I couldn't remember taking my clothes off or tying up my hair.
-rs-
Ricky was already up watching cartoons in the den. He was huddled up in his blanket, with his thumb in his mouth. I could tell he was still sleepy because his eyes were half open. He probably woke up to use the bathroom and decided to stay awake. He has been more careful after the accident at Ranger's apartment. He's still embarrassed, my baby. I walked over to him and planted a kiss on the top of his head.
"Ricky, big boys don't suck their thumbs," I said gently.
"Uhmm"
My son fluttered his eyes my way. I got a glass of water from the kitchen and borrowed Sofia's computer. I joined Ricky on the sofa and he pulled closer to me. He was wrapped in his sheets, playing with some toys.
I watched him for a few seconds. I know all of my son's toys. I'm the one who has to find them when they mysteriously disappear, usually finding them under a bed or in a closet.
"Ricky" I said casually. "Where did you get those toys?"
"Daddy gave them to me," he yawned and nestled into my arm. I took one of the little miniature cars from his hand. It was a collector's design from the early sixties models. My father used to collect them when I was growing up. These are expensive little toys.
"When?"
"Today," he said.
"Daddy was here?"
My son nodded. Of course, Ranger comes in and out of whatever place he chooses. Locks and security mean nothing to him. Yet, why show up this early just to give his son a toy?
Ricky turned the car over and showed me the marking on the back. Someone had written RC on it with a red marker. My son's initials are CR and Ranger knew that. I observed the little car in my hand. It was in perfect condition, but it looked used. I had a feeling that it meant something.
"Daddy said I have to take care of them," Ricky said quietly.
"Yes," I said. "You have to take good care of them. I think these were daddy's toys too, Ricky."
-rs-
I had two emails from Joseph. The first one was the reply to my previous email. He was apologizing for the incident at the senior center and hoping we could talk some more. I smiled and moved to his next email, except it wasn't from him.
Dear Stephanie Plum,
My husband tells me many good things about you. I found your email address on his computer and I couldn't resist. I've been in house arrest by my mother in law and that witch woman, grandma Bella. She says my baby is going to have a third eye. A third eye! They insist I stay home and rest. It's "good for the baby." Please, drop by my house this week, anytime before four. I need to get away from here.
Best,
Amy Morelli
I stared at the words on the page. Uhmm…Reply or not to reply? I don't know anything about Amy Morelli. She sounded friendly but why would she want to meet me of all people? I will have to find out.
-rs-
I started breakfast, deciding on eggs, toast, and fruit. It sounded good enough to me. Sofia came down an hour later. She yawned a greeting and sat on a stool next to Ricky.
"How was your date?" I asked hiding my amusement.
"It was good… I think," she said, "at least that's what I hope."
"Well, it depends," I said casually. "How did it end?"
"We had dinner then we walked around for a while," she said timidly. "He dropped me off around eleven and I gave him my card."
"It sounds good," I giggled.
"You're laughing."
"I'm not."
"Yes, you are laughing at me!"
"He didn't try to kiss you?"
"We shook hands," she said defensively. I wished I could have seen Lester's face. The image was too strong for me. I laughed.
"Great! Thank you, friend," Sofia huffed and forking her eggs. I took a sip of water and tried to control my laugher.
"I'm proud of you, Sofia," I said. "It's good to get out of your comfort zone. It's Lester's face that I wish I could have seen."
"Are you doing anything today?"
"Yes," I said happily. "Ricky and I are going to the beach."
-rs-
I loaded a mini fridge and a beach umbrella into Big Blue. I prepared a change of clothes, a basket of food, and sunscreen. I buckled Ricky in his seat and headed to Point Pleasant.
I was escaping from life, just for a few hours. I had to take a break from all the things going on in my life, even if it was just for a little time. Besides, I need to spend time with my son. Sometimes we can't enjoy the little pleasures in life because we are caught up with our problems. Ricky was growing in front of my eyes, and I needed to see, to enjoy it.
I was on my way out of Trenton when I noticed there was a car following me. I tried to keep calm. It was most likely Ranger's Merry Men.
I took a few turns, and drove around in a zigzag. It didn't take long for me to lose them. I made a quick stop and threw all the trackers out of the window. My phone rang within minutes. I glanced briefly at the name on the screen and put it on speaker.
"Where are you going?" Ranger asked neutrally.
"Ricky and I are going to the beach," I said and waited for his reaction.
"Okay," he replied slowly. "I would feel better if you let Lester and Cal follow you.
"We'll be fine, Ranger," I snapped.
"Stephanie," he annunciated.
"Ran….Ca…Ranger, we'll be fine," I said. "Nothing will have happen to us at the beach."
I imagined Ranger leaning back on his chair and rubbing the bridge of his nose. He was silent for a few seconds.
"Are you still tracking me?" I'm sure I missed a few trackers. They were probably at the bottom on my car.
"I'm on my way to a stakeout," he said, "call Tank if I don't pick up the phone."
"Ran… We'll be fine."
"Don't go crazy," he ordered hurriedly.
"Don't get shot," I replied softly with a smile. He hung up without saying goodbye.
-rs-
Ranger's POV
A few hours later
"This wasn't my idea of a relief," Tank commented darkly. I ignored him and readjusted my binoculars. The woman in the black swimsuit was now coming back with buckets of water for her son's sand castle.
Tank stood next to me, leaning back against the railing separating the sand from the wooden sidewalk. I could see him shaking his head in disapproval through my peripherals.
"This is work," I said.
"Maybe we could lock Stephanie and you in a room," he commented thoughtfully to himself.
I glared at him, "her car got blown up just two days ago. Don't you think I should worry?"
He stared at me knowingly and turned around to face the beach. Ricky was dumping water into the sand, too late for Stephanie to stop him. She caught the bucket half way, spilling the water on Ricky in the process. He laughed and poured the rest of the water on her lap. Steph leaned forward to catch him but he took off running and she started running after him. A groan escaped me as watched Steph's beautiful chest bounce, her hair shining under the sun. I wanted so much to touch her, all of her. I saw a few of the man staring after her, and it made me uneasy.
"I can't endure watching this anymore," Tank complained. "Why do things have always to be so difficult between you two? This is frustrating."
I never heard Tank complain so much in my life. Actually, I never heard him complain. He was getting on my nerves.
"Why don't you just go wait in the car?" I asked plainly.
"Yeah," he said in a tone I didn't recognize. "I'll wait in the car."
Tank was asking for serious mat time. He's being asking for trouble for a while now. I understand that he's looking out for Stephanie, but it's none of his concern.
Steph trapped Ricky into a tickle attack. She planted a kiss on the top of his head and walked him back to the umbrella to give him water. I watched them sit under the shade to build their sand castle, mesmerized by their interaction. Four years ago this was only part of my dreams.
A blonde woman in an almost invisible bikini suddenly stepped into my view. I looked up to find her standing right in front of me.
"Hello," she said with a smile. "Are you looking for something?"
She pulled at the strap of her bikini and flashed me her nipple. I looked at her with a blank face. I guessed she looked okay, that's if you're the type of man who likes watermelon sized fake boobs.
"Yes," I replied blankly, "and you're blocking it."
"You don't know what you're missing," she snarled making an ugly face. "I can see why you're friend left."
She pointed at the parking lot and stormed off. I looked over my shoulders and saw my truck at the distance. Tank was driving out of the parking lot without my permission. I dialed his phone.
"What do you think you're doing?" I questioned.
"You and Stephanie have some issues to discuss," he said. "You know you almost panicked when you saw Stephanie's car leaving town. I'm doing this as a friend, not you're employee."
"Turn the car around," I ordered calmly. It was my way of letting him know I wasn't happy.
"Mats tomorrow," he said before hanging up.
I gripped the phone in my hand. Tank was going to pay for doing this! I called Lester and ordered him to pick up. He refused and mentioned some sort of mutiny against me back at RangeMan, and that I had to fix things with Stephanie. In the meanwhile, none of them planned to bring me a car. He also informed that Ella had set up a pastry station in front of the building. What are they thinking? I'm the boss!
I watched Stephanie and Ricky play with sand, and made my resolution. I bought a pair of shorts from a nearby store, bought food for three, and walked over to Steph's blanket. I might as well take advantage of the situation.
-rs-
Steph's POV
Ricky and I walked back to our station after a splash in the water. It was noticeably less humid than in the previous morning hours. We hopped over to the umbrella and found a man laying on his pack on my towel. It was Ranger, wearing a pair of black shorts, and his usual sunglasses. I would have marveled at the view if I wasn't pretending to be angry.
"Daddy!" Ricky jumped on his chest and Ranger's eyes flashed open. He made a sound of complain at the sudden drop of weight. He sat up holding an overexcited Ricky.
"I thought you were on the job," I said dryly. "Why are you here?"
"I took a break," he said, "and I wanted Italian."
I felt his eyes scanning me, making me feel extremely self-conscious. After Ricky's birth, I was left with a few stubborn stretch marks over my stomach. I tried to cover them, but trying to play it confident. I was glad my swimsuit covered part of them. Ranger pointed at the bags next to him. My stomach growled and I looked inside. I couldn't complain to the man who brought the tiramisu.
We ate in silence –as quiet as I could possibly eat- and occasionally glancing at each other. The reality is that we were both escaping from reality. We were aware of the many things waiting for us outside the sand.
It felt good for the most part, maybe with one exception. I was applying sunscreen and heard Ranger growl. I looked up to find a muscular young man standing next to me. He offered to help me with my sunscreen. I hesitated for a few seconds, a little flattered. I was about to reply when Ranger's hand suddenly appeared and he snatched the bottle away from me. Ricky was too busy working on his sand castle to notice.
"No, thanks," I said apologetically.
"She's a beauty," the admirer said to Ranger walking off. "You're a lucky man."
I blushed and reached for the bottle in Ranger's hand. He moved it away quickly, before I could reach it.
"Lay down," he ordered. I hesitated once again, but sighed and rested on my stomach. I could see Ricky working on his project from my vintage point. Ranger untied my top, bringing a welcomed tingling sensation down my back. I love his hands on my skin. He was practically giving me a massage.
"You're tense," he stated, working my shoulder muscles.
"It has been an insane week," I said uncertainly, unsure if I should aim for small talk, "but now I'm laying here under the sun and Leticia could be going through hell for all I know. I feel guilty."
Ranger's movement slowed around my lower back.
"You shouldn't feel guilty," he stated. "This is how you deal with pain and stress. You have done it before and I don't blame you."
"I'm surprised to hear you say that," I confessed. I had a feeling he was trying to make sense of something more, maybe my breakdown. We stayed quiet for a few minutes.
"Ranger?" I muffled, formulating a sentence, preparing the things I had to say to him. I watched Ricky dump another bucket of water on the sand.
"Stephanie"
"I'm sorry," I sighted, holding on to my top, and trying to sit up. Ranger pressed me down, letting me know that he wasn't done. "If I could go back in time and change everything I would. I never meant to hurt you this much, Ranger."
"It's Carlos."
"I didn't have the right to just storm off like that," I started rambling now, feeling my muscles tense. There were a few tears pooling in my eyes. "I know you resent me, but we need to work together, and we have a son together. We need…. Ouch! Why did you do that?"
"I like you better when you're angry," he said darkly.
"You slapped my ass!" I complained angrily and tried to sit up. Ranger gently put pressure on my shoulder, making me lay back down. I looked up to see if Ricky had noticed anything. He didn't.
"You have to stop calling me Ranger," he said calmly caressing the red spot on my butt.
"This is inappropriate," I said. "Would you stop doing that?"
"I'm not done."
"What is wrong with you?" I inquired. "You didn't have to do that."
"Much sexier," he responded.
"Okay, this is abuse," I stated. Ricky and the old couple next to me stared at us. Ranger smiled at them and they went back to what they were doing.
"I agree," he said. "We have to work together but you have to start calling me by my first name."
I moaned feeling Ranger's hands now working around my leg muscles. I resolved not to complain and fell asleep.
-rs-
Ricky: Daddy?
Ranger: Yeah?
Ricky: I love you *hug*
Ranger: *surprised* I love you too.
Ricky: Good, can I have ice cream? *puppy eyes*
Ranger: Hey, that's not fair
Steph: *giggles*
Ranger: Babe...Please review, leave a comment or suggesting...anything really...