The Descent

Chapter 11: My Father in Heaven

I was early for the meeting, wherever the hell it was – Doctor Gravity told me to wait at some back alley behind Murphy's Bar in Bowery Street, and prepare for a surprise. Cue me sitting on a loading dock, all alone, this weird fellow in wetsuit and pseudo-SWAT gear. I had plenty of time to imagine what the surprise was, and I had plenty of ideas from the pages of comic books and the silver screen of movies. I could imagine the team coming down, in a neatly arranged Delta formation. I could imagine a huge secret entrance opening up. At the same time, I kept an eye out for danger – I was paranoid enough after getting tricked by Red Mist to think that Doctor Gravity could be a plant, and my date with the street gang yesterday a stage. I was paranoid, some could say too paranoid, but after everything that had happened…

I remembered the Grandmaster. I remembered thinking about inviting him into whatever superhero team I managed to put together. I've seen how he was, but I couldn't stop seeing that glorious Aragorn in him, in that shrivelled shell. I decided to text him. I was lucky he'd modernised with the help of his daughter, Nevaeh. Last time I checked, he was also on Facebook, and I got his number from there:

From: Dave Lizewski

To: Aldan Bonitus

Aldan, Im meeting n actual team of supeheroes! You wanna come?

I didn't know what to expect. It sounded like hoping Wolverine would tear through the silver screen with his Adamantium claws, waving hello to everyone. Unrealistic. On the other hand, miracles happen. Miracles like Mindy – no girls before puberty could have pulled what she did in the past year or so, and for a year, I was dreadfully certain that she would be a permanent resident of Jameson Psychiatry Institute. Well, at least the message came along. I could imagine him having porridge for an early dinner. Not particularly encouraging:

From: Aldan Bonitus

To: Dave Lizewski

Dave Lizewski. With all sincerity, I appreciate your invitation to your no doubt illustrious cohort of fine peacemakers. However, I must apologise, for I can barely even teach in the local chapter, much less fight crime in any fashion.

It is never what I wanted, my friend. My sole reason for returning home to New York is my family. Having failed my late wife, my daughter Nevaeh is all that binds me to this world. There was never any intention for me to become a 'superhero'. I live for Nevaeh, and her alone now.

I dearly hope you understand, Dave Lizewski, and not let this come between our friendship. Once again, I apologise for this rejection and any hurt I brought in its wake.

Aldan was a mash of old and new world ideals. He'd written a short letter to me in cellphone message form. I was hardly disappointed by his response. I knew all along that he would reject it. Though it doesn't mean it didn't snuff up some hope in me. Not to mention, there was always that undercurrent right up to my chest – I felt queasy that Aldan was the way he was, especially considering that I was involved, even if he wasn't blaming me. With his rejection came his image of vulnerability anew – I hadn't met his daughter yet, but who's going to take care of her if Aldan kicks it?

For some time, I stewed in this undercurrent, but it didn't last forever. The door in the loading dock behind me opened up without warning, mechanically, sounding vaguely futuristic. There was a streak of paranoia in me, so I backed away quickly, halfway across the alley, my batons out.

And they were still out when Doctor Gravity walked out of the opened loading bay, his Zero-G device by his side, shining pink in the relative darkness, reminding me vaguely of Mindy, the colour. "Pretty cool, huh?" He boasted. It sounded like he was in this supposed base before me, like days before me, "This is how the beer gets delivered." My paranoia begins to fade, the blood washing away. I let my batons droop and my guard down, but I was still considering if it was a mistake.

When I came in, I finally decided to take a leap of faith, and put away my batons. A smile began to form on my face. There was still a fanboy somewhere in me, and I couldn't restrain him. It got even better when I realised there wasn't another door to the other side, because it was a cargo lift. "Dude… You got a secret elevator to your underground headquarters!"

"Yeah, look what I told you about the guy who owns this place!" Doctor Gravity replied with equal enthusiasm. I could tell even past his red-tinted goggles and mask, at least, that he was almost as new as me to the superhero facility. His grin said it all. It gets even better than that. There was a corridor ahead lined with bricks and pipes. We walked together, took a turn to the left.

"It looks like a real-life Bat Cave." It was awesome, far from what I expected. The most that I allowed myself to ever hope for with Big Daddy and Hit-Girl non-functional was some backroom in an abandoned house, or a spare storeroom with a store as a front, some place that was a member of the team's small-medium grocery business. Not even Big Daddy could match up to the fictional Bat Cave, and the chance of having a billionaire with us was next to nil.

"I know, right?" He squealed in manly delight.

When we went down further, there was a rack at the side, holding some sticks, possibly weapons. It was too dark to see, but I thought I saw police batons. There were plastic covers up ahead, the kind that can commonly be found in meat processing factories or butcher shops. I had never felt such anticipation for a long time. It wasn't the kind that you feel when things hit the fan – it was the good kind, not the kind I used to feel before my mistakes caught up with Mindy's sanity, or even Big Daddy's life. But it was the kind I used to feel when I turned the pages of a comic book issue I was dying for.

When we shoved the plastic cover past and went in, I was suddenly surrounded by more superheroes, people like me, well, somewhat. I could feel warmth in my blood. For a moment, it was shocking, the change in temperature, but it settled in well. My blood felt congealed for a long time, even after I adopted Mindy. They were sitting in a rough semi-circle, reminding me of some kind of group therapy session, but I didn't care. As far as I'm concerned, it was the therapy I need.

There were 7 of them in their costumes. I've met Doctor Gravity, I'd seen the couple in blue sports jackets on TV before, glanced at Nightbitch online… But the other three were unfamiliar, but it was obvious who the leader was. The tallest guy, who also looked the oldest and wisest, upon noticing me, stood up from the head of the green couch he was sitting on – he was altogether inspiring, like the latest Captain America but realistic, in his convincing military uniform with a dog in matching gear by his side. He was the next best thing to Big Daddy and Hit-Girl. Hell, I let my reservations drop; he's as good as them. He regarded me with a measure of respect, and greeted me in a stoic, reserved tone, a cross between too many superheroes I could remember, "Welcome to Justice Forever."

Meanwhile…

Dave was gone after school again. He left even earlier than before! I'm starting to miss him. Dad's still at home though, so I'm not totally alone. There was always someone in the house with me. They cared about me, I guess, so they might have made sure that at least one of them was there for me.

I was doing my homework, trying to remember as many words as I can. Then I needed to go all of a sudden, so I left my room and went straight to the bathroom. But I saw someone at the stairs on my way, so I stopped.

It was God. Blonde hair and moustache, big spectacles, brown jacket. But I saw even more of him. He wore a brown sweater over a white shirt inside and jeans. He was walking down the stairs, and I forgot all about the bathroom.

"God?" I said after him, but he didn't look at me. I followed him. When he was going down the stairs, he didn't even make a sound. He disappeared down the stairs soon after. I was a little afraid to catch up with him, "Wait, please! There's so much I wanted to say!"

I pray every day, once or twice, or even 3 times. I could see his face every time, but he wouldn't talk to me. His smile was warm, and I wanted it every day. I wanted even more to really be with him. Now, even more so, because I'm worried about Dave. He didn't seem as happy.

I went down the stairs, and I saw God going past the living room. I followed, and then I saw him going down to the basement. Dad and Dave told me not to go down the basement. I didn't know what to do then.

But I need to be with God. I could feel it inside, so much. I went after God, down to the basement. I remembered what Dave said. 'Don't go down to the basement, Mandy, it's dirty and dangerous.' It was very dark too. Like a… Like a… Nightmare I had with all the explosions and shouting.

I held my necklace in my hand, the one daddy bought me. He added a cross to it yesterday. He said that I deserve it since I was a 'devout Christian'. The wooden stairs down were already scaring me. They creaked when I stepped on them. I couldn't help but to jump at them.

'NOW GO TO ROBIIIIIIIIIIIIIN'S REVEEEEEEEENNNNNGE!' I could remember my first nightmare. It came back to me once in a while, and I was still afraid of it. It came back to me when I descended down the wooden stairs. I could almost hear the screams. 'AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH-RRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR! '

I held my heart and cross even tighter. I could barely see. When I was down in the basement, I couldn't see God anymore. He disappeared. There were old furniture and boxes all over, boxes on top of each other. Almost everything was taller than me! There was a workbench in the middle. I could see a… utility belt? In front of me. It was easier than everything to see because it was yellow. 'NOW SWIIIIITCH TO KRYPTONIIIIIIIIIITE!' I could almost hear it, the screams. 'ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!'

"My Father in Heaven, hallowed be thy name…" I whispered under my breath. I was scared, but I wanted to see God. I walked past the workbench, "Thy kingdom come…" There were boxes all over. Something was moving in the boxes. It was scaring me. I could barely see. I can't help but to cry, but I didn't want to make any noise. I could feel tears going down my cheeks. I was frightened, "Thy- Thy will be done…"

'There are other things in this world other than God.' I remembered what Pastor Harkman said. I couldn't move when the boxes moved even more. "Thy kingdom come…" I repeated because I couldn't even remember how to continue the prayer. I was too afraid!

I could hear moaning from inside the stacks of boxes. I couldn't move. Then an arm shot out of the boxes! I could see a little better, and I saw the arm. It was sticky and dark red. Small, like mine. I ran. I cried and I ran. I was screaming. I ran up the stairs. I didn't feel the need to go anymore. I ran. "DAD!"

When I got out, daddy was at the stairs, running down, "Mandy! What happened!?" I was crying so much. I found it hard to say it all.

"Dad! I'm sorry I'm so sorry! I went down the basement, I went down!" I hugged daddy. "There was- was something inside dad! There was a monster inside! Daddy I'm so sorry I'm so sorry Dad!"

Daddy went to take something out of his room. It was a long, black flashlight. A mag-lite. We went down the basement together. "Stay behind me, Mandy." He said, so I did as he was told. His mag-lite was bright, so I wasn't as scared anymore.

I took him to where I saw the arm coming out of the boxes. When he was about to reach into the boxes, I held him back. I pulled at him hard, "Dad, no! It's in there!" But he told me not to worry and reached in.

The box moved. Something squeaked. I jumped. Something flew across the room. I saw it. It was a squirrel, but… The squirrel flew across the room and went out a window at the side of the basement. "See? Nothing to worry about." Dad said. He chuckled, "Nothing to be afraid of, alright? Daddy's here, Mandy." I hugged him again. I was SO scared.

"Why's the floor wet?" He shined his flashlight on the floor. There was water from where we were, trailing all the way up the steps. I looked down and saw that my only pair of jeans was wet. I had never felt so ashamed in my entire life. If I wasn't crying earlier, I would have cried now.

Back at Headquarters…

We had gathered for a roll-call of sorts. In the centre on the green couch sat the couple in blue sports jacket, and by them a guy in red with a logo of a black fly, notably without a mask, sat on the head of the couch, too light to tip it over. Beside the guy in red, a scantily-clad well-shaped girl was leaning on a desk beside a pudgy guy in dark cyan with 5-point stars on his forehead, upper arms and gloves. Doctor Gravity took his place opposite them. I was facing them, just out of their semi-circle, as if standing trial, but it felt like the opposite of that. I didn't even feel like I was 'outside' in any way.

"So we tried the cops, and tried the newspapers. I even set up a… You know, a thing on the internet for people to help us find Tommy. Urm." The husband half of Remembering Tommy introduced his origin story. He was solemn, half way from mourning, still in mourning. There was no way it could be faked. He couldn't finish.

"But we got nothing. We never saw our son again." The wife half of Remembering Tommy finished. In happiness or in grief, they seemed made for each other. They weren't crying, bawling their eyes out like in some cheap TV series or movie. That was when I knew they'd been dealing with it for months, years upon years even. They'd simply run out of tears – I knew because I was nearly there. "I came up with the name 'Remembering Tommy' and, uh, we've been doing this 3 nights a week, so…" She couldn't finish either, and the husband half took over.

"Colonel Stars and Stripes found us online." So, the military guy was Colonel Stars and Stripes. But my mind decided to put him below as the priority. Even with my own demons to deal with, I could relate to the Remembering Tommy duo.

"That's terrible, guys, I'm real sorry…" I consoled them, hoping that it meant something, from one guy who knew loss to a couple who lost their son. My mind flew back to Mindy, and all that remained that was Mandy. Still, I couldn't help but to feel inferior to them in that respect – I still had Mindy with me, as much of an amnesiac as she was, as many times as I had to lie to her and keep the real her down as it was…

"I became Nightbitch after my sister was murdered and found in a dumpster." It was Nightbitch's turn. What she said gave me a new flavour of guilt. I'd judged her too soon, far too soon. Had I not done so, I might have approached her first rather than Doctor Gravity just as likely. 'Holy shit' I muttered under my breath, inaudible to the rest – fortunately for me, considering what I learnt about Colonel Stars and Stripes a little later, "Doesn't bring her back, but at least I'm doing something positive about it."

"Insectman?" The Colonel continued with the introductory roll-call.

"Yeah, urm. I- I'd been bullied my whole life for being gay. So now I stand up for the defenceless." Even Insectman's origin story was better than mine. I became Kick-Ass because I was naïve, I imagined how mine would go, "That's why I don't wear a mask. Too much like being back in the closet."

"Long as your heart's in the right place, we don't care what you put in your mouth." The Colonel declared, uplifting Insectman. A thought struck me at the time – the Colonel seemed familiar, his voice seemed like it was from somewhere… "Fist pump?"

"Thank you. Thank you, sir." Insectman accepted the gesture gladly. They bumped fists across the Remembering Tommys on the green couch.

"Well, I became Battleguy after my parents were mugged and killed coming home from the opera." For some reason, Battleguy's origin story felt… Different from the rest. It seemed familiar at first, and then I realised why, "Did I tell you guys that sick bastard maxed out their credit cards on porno sites?" His origin story sounded remarkably like… Not to mention his voice sounded familiar.

"I just hope we get the chance to say hello to this guy someday so that I can personally levitate his soul from his body!" Doctor Gravity had unwittingly fallen for it. Apparently everyone else did before I came along. It all clicked in place while the white atom was talking.

"Oh my God, Marty?" I blurted out, surprised at how small New York City was. Battleguy spat out his coffee immediately, shocked. It'd pretty much cemented his fate. "Yeah, I knew I recognised your voice."

"No, I don't… I don't know what you're talking about. I don't know any Marty." Battleguy, or rather Marty, deepened his voice, took a seep from his mug of coffee, pointed the accusation at me, "New guy."

"Hey, asshole, it's me, Dave." I said, a little pissed at his dishonesty, though a side of me told me I was no different back then, just that I didn't have the opportunity to lie about my origin story like Marty did. I pointed at my face, trying to get him to recognise my eyes and mouth through my wetsuit mask, through the shadow casted by my helmet made it a little harder.

"Dave?" A hint of recognition in his eyes before it exploded. He looked like a kid whose world had turned inside-out, or who'd just entered the Twilight Zone, "Why are you dressed up like Kick-Ass?"

"Because… I'm Kick-Ass!" It took a while to sink in, but eventually, it did. Marty was smart enough, smarter than Todd, maybe even me. An interesting predicament, seeing him going down the same path as me. I remembered his criticisms more than a year ago, when I first conceived of the notion of becoming a real-life superhero. 'Because it's impossible, dipshit.' He'd said dismissively while he was reading his comic at the Atomic Café. It seemed that I had the final laugh on the long term.

"You two know each other?" The Colonel ascertained, though it was likely rhetorical. In the meantime, Marty was hovering between being stunned and awed. Maybe with a bit of humiliation on the side.

"Yeah, like since we were 5!" I answered, laughing. What were the chances? The world didn't feel as lonely. It was the therapy I need, "What's all this bullshit about your parents getting killed?" I went on in my revelry – my bad, but might as well. I could see Marty desperately trying to shut me up but failing.

"Yeesh! Language." The Colonel stated his disposition towards the way we talked. He looked badass – It caught me off-guard. He looked like a guy who wouldn't even faze at Hit-Girl's language, but then again, I was being superficial, "Battleguy? Care to update your resume?" He looked at Marty, a tightrope between forgiveness and vindictiveness. I could see it past his green mask.

Marty sighed in defeat. "Ah… Urr… I'm trying to figure out how to explain this without sounding like a complete idiot right now." Marty stuttered, looking around at everyone, fear of trouble unbecoming of a superhero in his eyes. Not that he was not unbecoming of a superhero earlier. Though to be fair… Not that any of us were real superheroes. Not totally, not ever, not like Hit-Girl was. Marty was an old friend, and I'd long forgiven him – I wasn't sure about the rest.

"Yeah, I'm not sure that's possible, Batman." Nightbitch said. As it turns out, I wasn't the only one who found Marty's origin story familiar. For a flash, Me and Nightbitch were looking eye-to-eye, it felt like a connection between us was made, mediated by Batman and the Battleguy controversy.

"I'm not, either." Marty admitted, "Urm, okay, when I found you guys online, you were all swapping these awesome origin stories." Borderline panic was setting in, "I mean, Colonel, you're ex-mafia for Christ's sake." Then it happened, that side of Colonel Stars and Stripes happened.

"Yo." He stared at Marty sternly, a hint of murder in his eyes. "Don't take the lord's name in vain." He seemed religious. For a moment, I was reminded of Jesus. The familiar vibe to Colonel Stars and Stripes returned, that familiar, Italian vibe…

"I'm sorry." Marty was beyond remorseful, "I just… I didn't think you guys would let me join the team unless I had a good story too."

"Alright," The forgiving side of the Colonel won out, quite smoothly and easily I might add, "we'll let you off the hook this time, Battleguy."

"Doctor Gravity, you're next." With everything forgiven, the Colonel went on to the next.

"No real reason, really." Doctor Gravity said distractedly as he was twirling his Zero-G Device around in his right hand, "I saw Kick-Ass a year ago on TV." He waved his free hand at me. I could feel a wave of shiver all over me. I guess it's what happens when it felt like you made a difference, "Took me a while, but I thought to myself. Why not me?"

"The world ain't perfect. My job sure wasn't. Then there were all those things going on, on the news, with and without Kick-Ass…" I could tell that he'd lost half if not all his confidence as his voice trailed away towards the end.

"Your reason's real to me." Colonel Stars and Stripes said encouragingly. When I looked at him, I could tell that he meant it. He seemed larger than life. He was no superman, not even Barack Obama nor even a regular on the newspaper, but it was enough – there wasn't a need for all that, "We're all here because of Kick-Ass." Murmurs of agreement. I was quaking enough in my suit that I felt like Mindy – Now I understand how it felt like, well, barely – I had to make an effort to prop myself up on my seat on another desk, "Speaking of which, Kick-Ass. Tell us 'bout how you got to where you are now, if you please."

"Well… It's stupid, really…" I wasn't prepared to answer the roll-call. I had to improvise on the fly, which I wasn't really good at unless I was in the mood, and usually the mood came only when the thugs barge in. Outside of it, even in my Kick-Ass costume, I was on Dave mode. Or maybe it was because everyone's in a costume now, so that I wasn't much different from everyone in the room, "More than a year ago, I started wondering, 'why is it that no one's tried to be a superhero'? Remember, Marty?" I smiled at him, and he nodded in support, remembering old times – that silly smile, "So I ordered my wetsuit online, and started training and doing it for fun. Nearly fell off an apartment building."

"I got hospitalised for something else." I looked at Marty again. A smile was still plastered on his face, "my first mission, stopping a pair of car thieves, and I was stabbed and knocked down by a car. Now that's before I went viral, so you guys won't know."

"Anyway, it gave me my superpower, if there's such a thing. I had over a dozen titanium plates on my bones and some of my nerve endings were just… gone, so I don't feel as much pain." By this point, I wasn't even aware that I was giving a little more than an origin story, but no one stopped me. Surprisingly enough, they held on, mesmerised by my story. It was the first time someone, and as a double entry into the Guinness Book of Records, more than one person, was paying attention to my story, "Anyway, I don't know what made me continue. I just did, I suppose. That was when I stopped those three gangsters from killing that one guy." Then I laughed, it was something I remembered. I felt like a war veteran. It was cool, and yet at the same time it wasn't, "It was funny, really. I was just looking for a cat. Mr Bitey. Can't believe I still remember its name."

"I kept going on like that, got into a few scrapes. I met these two… Big Daddy and Hit-Girl and…" From here, it became infinitesimally harder to continue. But I didn't have to. They knew the story, like how I knew about how Raven ruined Starfire's wedding. At that time, I felt the trauma off the comic book, but this time it was the real deal, and this time I was Starfire… with all that guilt written in, "They were the… Real deal."

"I was still with the D'Amicos back then. I heard about it from the underboss I was with." The Colonel said – it was hard to believe how we'd come into the same room, putting on costumes, united under one banner – Justice Forever. It no longer mattered to me, his past, as the Colonel'd made a great impression. Not every superhero's a good guy at the beginning. Tony Stark sure wasn't your stoic paragon of idealism – he was a corporate magnate, the type who ran sweatshops, "They burnt Big Daddy alive. And we all saw how Hit-Girl rescued her father. And you. My condolences, Kick-Ass. What happened to Hit-Girl, by the way?"

"Oh… Her…" By that time, I was an emotional wreck – I've learnt to hide it well. It was easier with my mask and helmet. I wasn't sure if I should tell the truth, or lie, "Yeah… She's… Retired. Hung up the cape because of her dad." It was a half-truth. After Big Daddy was avenged with Frank's death by bazooka, Mindy was merely mourning her father's loss. She couldn't take it, got worse as more time passed, went nuts and started even more massacres to avenge her father. She became Hit-Girl again when Demoness appeared, thinking it was a new villain, but Demoness turns out to be herself, her other personality that came into being because of her father and his death. I had to defeat her myself with the help of Aldan and Michael. But of course, I couldn't tell the rest about that.

"Oh man, that's a shame. She was awesome!" Marty exclaimed – he must had been remembering that time when they were watching Hit-Girl on camera, killing the mobsters, mostly offscreen, but enough for everyone, even Todd, to know that she did. To top the sundae off, she killed two right in front of the camera, flying across the warehouse with her pistol blazing, "If only she was still around when Demoness came into town." Everyone was looking at him, willing him to shut up for the moment to respect Big Daddy's death and Hit-Girl's loss. He took the message and stopped, "Sorry."

"Even if she is still around, we won't take in child soldiers." The Colonel said gruffly, breaking the silence, emphasizing Justice Forever's codes, "It's no different from child prostitution."

"Anyway, you guys know the rest. I stopped the Demoness. Took me some time to track her, and I wasn't alone. I had these two guys from a swordsmen school or something… Took her in." Pushing aside my grief, I made the long story short so that it was out of the way quick. Another half-truth. By 'took her in' I meant bringing her to Dr Paul and then adopting her. They probably interpreted it as taking her to a police station.

"I was there myself when she raided the D'Amico Tower. She's part of the reason why I'm here." The Colonel said, his eyes a little glazed, looking at something out of my perception, deep in thought. Again, I felt that pang of familiarity, yet I couldn't put my finger on it. I was too fazed by my own problems to do any real thinking. Thankfully, he didn't pry any further, but instead: "Wanna see something cool?"

"Sure." I said indifferently, but I couldn't help it. Passing through a film of plastic strips, we went to the back of the headquarters. It was all the way to the back, past a few more rooms I'd yet to see. It was a huge room, almost a hall had it not been for the regular ceiling. At the front and centre was a circular table, resembling a conference room table, and to the sides were what looked like a training area, a workshop and a make-up section, "Nice." I mustered up all the enthusiasm I had before, but there wasn't much. I was running out. I felt like a bipolar case.

"Thought this could be our meeting room. Now, this renovation was totally clandestine." The Colonel went on explaining, "Which means nobody knew about it. Everyone else was suitably amazed by the Bat Cave. I felt like a party pooper all of a sudden… in retrospect. As it turns out, everyone was new after all. Either that, or the Colonel did the renovations overnight. It felt like a little of both.

"Now, I know it's not much, but this is just the beginning. Together we could make a real difference." The Colonel approached me, his fists up in pretend fighting. I didn't pretend to dodge – no mood, "If you'd consider it, Kick-Ass, we'd be honoured to have you join us."

I didn't answer immediately. With Mindy fresh on my mind, dishing out flurries of punches at me, I was even considering rejecting the Colonel's offer. I didn't want more lives on my conscious – I didn't want to hurt anybody else. But when I looked at all the others, including Marty, something else was there, pushing me into this, other than my missing reasons of the past.

"Sure." In the end, I took the offer. I wanted to be there, to make sure none of them would make the same mistakes I did. I was a dirty old virus, and I wanted to be a different kind of virus, one that keeps all its clones in check. There were cheers on the side, despite them knowing about my reservations, likely. I wasn't very good at hiding my feelings when I'm really down – maybe that's why they cheered, "Why not?"

"That's what I like to hear." The Colonel said, and we shook hands. It felt like he understood how I was feeling, and held back for a bit, "Alright, time for initiation. Turn around and I'll unzip yah." What he said scooped my right out of my valley of shadows, right out.

"I'm sorry, what?" I couldn't believe what I just heard – I never liked such things. Bad experiences in school.

"I'm just joking. Let's get down to business."