The Descent

Chapter 17: He Won't Hurt Me Again

I slammed the door shut. Where am I? The room was pink. I kind of liked the colour. I stomped to my bed and jumped in. Why was I crying? Someone else opened the door. I didn't look at who it was. I wasn't in control. I was just lying down in bed, covering my head with a pillow, crying into the pillow.

I heard footsteps. The person behind me was huge. He sat down beside me. I could feel the bed move. I felt his hand (he was a he? How did I know?) on my arm. I shook it away. "Hit-Girl." He was calling me. I didn't respond. Was I Hit-Girl? "Hit-Girl." He had his hand on my arm again. I gave up on pushing it away.

"No! Dad! Stop! Stop calling me Hit-Girl!" My voice shook. I couldn't talk right. Dad? I was starting to think that it wasn't referring to the Lord above. So if the man with blonde hair and moustache wasn't God, then who was he?

"Mindy..." Mindy? "That man was a child molester, child. If you hadn't done what you did, you wouldn't even be here."

"I hate this." I shouted into the pillow, my words a little muffled by the pillow. "I hate you! Dad, why? Why!? Why did you send me in there!?"

"MINDY." It felt like he was shouting, but he wasn't. He was just being stern, "That asshole was a child molester. AND a murderer. He raped little girls like you and dumped their bodies in the middle of nowhere. He deserved that bullet you put between his eyes, Mindy." I continued crying. I wasn't in control. Am I in a dream? I continued crying for a bit. I felt Dad lying down next to me, not the way Dave did, but… further away. "Not only did you avenged those three before you, you stopped him from getting a few more."

"I… I know, Dad." I finally said. I understood something. "I… I just… I'm sorry." I cried even more.

"Hey… Shh… Hey…" He pulled me out of my pillow hole and cradled me in his arms. I liked it. It was then I realised he wasn't in brown jacket and sweater. He was in red tights with... Beige? Armour? Outside. He wasn't wearing anything on his head. Blonde hair and moustache. I had never seen anything like it, "It's fine, baby doll. You're six… You- It's fine."

Darkness. Light. I woke up to the pattering of rain outside. My whole body was still aching. My face felt like a broken vase. I could barely move. I tried to recall my dream, but I could only vaguely remember bits and pieces. I remembered that I was crying… Hated being Hit-Girl… Was I called by a different name? What was it? Dave knocked on the door, and my train of thought was broken. His head poked in when I didn't answer – I used to jump happily whenever he came in, but now I couldn't feel as happy. It didn't take him very long to notice the cut on my forehead, and I could tell from his face that he could smell the stench – I didn't take a bath last night. He looked concerned after that. "What happened to you?" He said.

"I… Yesterday- I fell off the bicycle yesterday." I was still in pain, and it was hard to think of a good lie that way, "I ran into a wall, Dave. Am I in trouble?"

"Jesus, Mandy!" He was suddenly alarmed. He sat down beside me quickly, taking off my blanket. He started touching my arms for some reason, "Can you move your fingers? What about your arms and legs?"

"Dave, I'm fine. I'm just aching so much…" This time, I meant every word. Hard. "I can't move… It hurts to move, Dave." I remembered the hate I harboured for my brother. It felt wrong – he would always take care of me. I knew it right from the start. He wouldn't hurt me on purpose. Would he? I wanted to cry, but I controlled myself this time. Still, tears were coming down my cheeks.

"Hey… Shh… Hey…" Dave cooed at me. It reminded me of my dream. He had his hand on my forehead, "You're burning up. You're all sticky and sweaty. We're not going to school today, that's for sure. Why didn't you tell me yesterday?"

"I wanted to. But I- I was afraid you'd be angry." I lied again. When will it end? It felt like when the both of us started lying, it could never stop. I didn't want to, yet… I just couldn't stop. It felt harder to be happy this way.

"Don't be silly, Mandy. C'mon, let's get you cleaned up." Dave took me in his arms and lifted me off my bed. It hurts a little that way, but it was better than trying to get up on my own. Déjà vu. Somehow, it felt familiar, but I can't remember him doing this before. Dave took me out of my room, and into the bathroom, putting me on a chair by the bathtub. He turned on the tap for hot water… then reached for the buttons on my dress.

"Dave, no!" I didn't know why, but I was afraid of what he was about to do, even if I know it was supposed to be fine. I pushed away his hands – I didn't have a lot of strength left, but I didn't need it. He pulled his own hand away.

"Mandy… I know this is awkward, but I gotta get you cleaned up." Dave explained. I could tell that he wasn't a pervert, like the big man I shot yesterday, but… "Mandy! I'm your brother! I won't… You know! And you're like…"

"What, Dave?" I couldn't understand what he was trying to say. He was starting to sound like Daddy – he was always talking like this.

"You know." Dave repeated himself. It was then that I understood, but I was still reluctant to let him do it. It felt perverted even though it wasn't, even though Dave wasn't. I covered myself with my hands when he took off my dress and shoes. I had forgotten about my shoes, and crawled into bed with them on. He carried me again, and gently lowered me into the bathtub. The water hurts at first, but it felt good later on. I didn't hurt as much anymore. The hot water reached up to my hips. He started spraying and rubbing water on me. I didn't like him touching me at first, but it felt okay after that. It didn't feel wrong anymore. Dave was helping me.

"We aren't as close as we used to be, Mandy." Dave said as he was putting shampoo on my hair. I liked the smell. It was better than the alley smell I woke up to in bed.

"I know." I replied, but didn't know what else to say. What could I say? He stopped putting shampoo on my hair. He looked me in the eyes instead.

"I'm not at home as often anymore." Dave continued, "But Mandy… I know we could make this work. I just need your help."

"But you're not at home as often anymore." I repeated what he said – it was the truth. It felt like he didn't care anymore. He didn't know that I know, but he lied to me so many times. It felt like he didn't care.

"That doesn't mean I don't care about you anymore." It felt as if Dave read my mind, "You don't seem to mind Daddy being away for so long." There was nothing else I could say. He was right. I was being unfair to him. Yet… But…

"Okay…" I agreed. I held his hand. He felt closer to me again. I didn't even mind anymore that I was completely naked in front of him. It didn't matter. Dave wouldn't hurt me purposely, I knew that. I knew that all along. He started applying soap on me.

"I've been thinking. Do you still want to watch Cars 2 this week? If you're feeling better on Sunday, I could take you to the cinema after church. You want that, Mandy?" Dave offered. It was an offer I couldn't refuse. My heart leapt with joy. Then he seemed to leap a little too, as if he had an even better idea, "And I could invite Sal to join us. How about that?" I smiled. I was too weak to talk so much, but he understood.

When he was done washing me, he patiently wiped me dry with a towel, and then lifted me back to my room. He had to change the bedsheet and pillows. I couldn't remember why I hated him then anymore. All I could remember was the love between us. He was the best brother in the world. When he was done with my bed, he slipped my underwear and pyjamas on. I felt a little better, getting cleaned up. Then he brought his first aid kit into my room, and started applying a plaster to my forehead. "Hello Kitty, Barbie, Polly Pockets or Toy Story?" He asked. The selection was a little wider this time.

"Hello Kitty." I still found the strength to choose my favourite obsession. I smiled at the thought of the Japanese cat. It felt like something I love even before the bus accident. There was the Déjà vu feeling there again. Soon, there was an ice pack on my head and Dave was reading stories to me again. I liked Hansel and Gretel the most. It reminded me of me and Dave.

I just wish I could help him more. Maybe I could – I'll be good to him from now on. He lied to me so many times, but they were all the same lies, all the same lies about going out to help people felt like the last one. It felt like the only lie he had left for the rest of his life. Was it even a lie? Or a half-truth? What if Dave was helping people elsewhere? Dave was good – he'd never hurt me more than he did now, and even then, he did it to protect me – he didn't want me to get hurt following him out there, but I did it anyway. It felt like I was the liar instead. He wouldn't lie any more than he did. He wouldn't hurt me more than he did. He wouldn't hurt me anymore. He won't. Would he? No, he won't.

When Dave left the room for me to sleep, I started thinking about last night again, about being Hit-Girl. Am I really Hit-Girl? All I knew was that I didn't feel like going out as Hit-Girl anymore. It felt like I wasn't Hit-Girl to begin with, yet... At the same time it felt like I was. I didn't know how to fight at all – in fact I didn't even think that I would ever get into a fight! But I remembered how I used the knives and pistols yesterday. Yet… I was scared of them, so scared of them. Why would Hit-Girl be afraid of them? She wasn't supposed to – I could tell from the photo. Am I really Hit-Girl? I started wishing, wishing that I could just talk to Dave about it. He wouldn't hurt me anymore, would he?

Then I drifted to the man I killed yesterday. I felt sad at the thought. I was frightened of myself. I was a murderer, a killer. Then I remembered the police. Would they catch me and put me in jail? That man was a child molester. I remembered dad or God… Dad (who is he now?) saying that in my dream. He deserves the bullet you put between his eyes. The dream wasn't about the big man, but it was close. It was then that I understood.

I wasn't wrong. He deserved to die. The thought still scared me, though. I could feel my hands shake under my fresh blanket, as if my pistols were still in my hands.

Later…

Our stunt back on Tuesday was widely publicised, even more so than our fight with the Bloods and the Crips in the subway. This time, we weren't just on Youtube, we weren't just on tweets and mentioned in Facebook – this time, we became important enough to be featured on a few serious news platform. We were on the New York Times and the WNRD. 'Seven arrested in Chinatown Prostitution Bust, Police aided by costumed vigilantes', the headline read on the internet. The journalists were quick enough to arrive with the police taking over Jimmy Kim's crew. Our photos and lines were featured in the articles. Come Wednesday, we were all busy doing our admin work, answering emails and most importantly, taking in new superhero applications.

It felt like we'd reached supercritical, the singularity of the superhero movement I started. It felt like the golden age, my golden age, yet at the same time, I knew I would have my work cut out for me, looking out for more and more of them, or even keeping an eye on them, watching their movements. I was never a crowd person, and ever since Red Mist, I was even less so.

We did the usual thing to induct the new members. We did it the next day, on Thursday, since it was a special occasion, the team expanding by another 50%. I didn't want to leave Mindy alone, sick in bed, but Dad came to the rescue, coming back home early to take over – he didn't seem to mind, as if some great news was coming up.

As the founding members, we met at the Justice Forever Headquarters, a little earlier, and this time, I got to be the one to surprise them with our secret entrance. The feeling was awesome when they scrambled away from the steel gates the way I did before, all four of them. Then began the round of origin stories, starting with the founding members, then moving on to the new members. Our lounge was getting crowded – we had to grab a few more chairs from the storeroom.

"Our society isn't working. The state, the nation, capitalism? All a sham." The Enforcer introduced himself, or rather, sounded like he was trying to convert us to his cause. He reminded me a bit of the latest Bruce Wayne, but his case wasn't convincing at all, "The police? Corrupted. Which is why I'm doing this. This is the answer – the people's initiative. Not the state, not the nation, not capitalism." It was admirable all the same, even if I didn't feel that superheroes should take over the White House. It stank too much of the final episodes of Justice League Unlimited, "I used to patrol the subways because of what I've seen there, because of what happened to me. It's the perfect nest for thieves and robbers."

"What happened, Enforcer?" I asked, out of curiosity, hoping at the same time that it wasn't anything embarrassing, like my first try at crime fighting.

"I was mugged and beaten up. They did it because of my political beliefs. It wasn't just assault and robbery. It was a hate crime. So much for free speech, huh?" The Enforcer replied, his eyes reaching the floor in contemplation, going back to the moment. I knew, because I was usually there in his place.

"Here in Justice Forever, we make a stand for free speech." The Colonel said, "Just make sure your talk doesn't turn into violence and you'll be fine. All-Seeing Eye?" All eyes moved from The Enforcer to The All-Seeing Eye, whose costume was a biker jacket over a shirt, a pair of high boots over a pair of generic pants – his face was wrapped and overshadowed by this huge lamp he wears on his forehead. It was too bright that the Colonel had to ask him to turn it off during the introductory meeting.

"I'm working as a journalist and photographer. I am always the observer, the guy chasing after the stories. I kept following murders. Heck, I was one of those who covered the Demoness massacres. I did it until I couldn't observe anymore. I want to be one of those who's doing something about it. I've seen enough." The All-Seeing Eye kept at it in one go. The world kept getting smaller, and smaller. Mindy was uniting all of us, one way or the other. She certainly inspired Colonel Stars and Stripes.

"It's good that you're taking this step. Shows that you have a heart, in addition to a good pair of eyes, or three." The Colonel joked, amounting to a few chuckles and some laughter. He was great with words that way. He was a charmer – although I can't help but to link it back to his previous life as a mob enforcer. They would need to do a good deal of charming themselves, "Welcome to Justice Forever. Moon-Bird?" When Moon-Bird came next, there was a pregnant pause as her head cranks up. She was a serious one – her white mask obscures everything but her eyes and hairline, but I could tell. She was deadly serious, full of hatred.

"I was raped. 'Nuff said." Awkward silence. I couldn't believe she was at first – she was almost as tall as the Colonel, and very well- toned. She looked like an African warrior-princess who could match Xena in her own game. Looking around, I knew a few others couldn't either.

"You'll fit in here to a T." Even the Colonel had to struggle to find the words. Whoever said that it was easy? "One of our core mission is the protection of women and children." He extended a hand for a handshake, his silvery teeth shining in his moderated smile. Moon-Bird stared at it, and I was almost certain that she would reject it, but eventually, she took it. It was touching in a way – the Colonel delivered again, "We'll make 'em pay together. God wills it."

"No good reason, sir." It was Hacksaw's turn, and he spoke in a voice as low as can be expected of him, "I was in the National Guard. Spent more time in Iraq than on my own soil helping people. Decided to fix that, sir."

"See? What did I say about the government?" The Enforcer chipped in. The Colonel looked at him impassively before turning his eyes back to Hacksaw.

"Your reason's as good as any." The Colonel finally said.

We felt unstoppable. Everywhere we went, we attracted awe and cameras. The patrol today did not faze the new comers – they were already accustomed to such a thing, patrols being the standard procedure for any superhero, no matter how new. Plus, I'm sure everyone could agree to the perks of being part of a team, not to mention a huge one, like Justice Forever. It felt like nothing before, except... even at this height, it felt nothing like being with Big Daddy and Hit-Girl. They were always there, haunting me. I could feel them walking with me sometimes, like ghosts, even if Mindy wasn't dead. Well, not exactly.

"Colonel, I've been thinking…" After the group was dismissed for the first time by the dozen and I was alone with the Colonel, with Nightbitch waiting at a corner, I turned my attention to the promise I made for Mindy. I imagined her in bed, by now being cared for by Dad – I couldn't break another promise again, "I'm taking Mandy to the cinema to watch Cars 2 after church. We could use your company." Surprisingly, the Colonel took some time to think about it – but then again, he was probably worrying about his job. He was a counsellor, and he worked after church. I was actually afraid that I had to break a promise again.

"Sure, I'll just phone my buddies at the office. They'll understand." The Colonel accepted my invitation, but it wasn't the end of it. He looked like he was tapping into my brain, "What's this about, Kick-Ass? Something tells me it isn't just fun and games." It was my turn to take some time to think. Surprisingly, there were so many things to consider before I talk, or maybe I was just too paranoid about causing one chain reaction or the other.

"Yeah well, it's Mandy. We aren't getting along like we used to. You're a qualified social worker, Colonel, and I need your help with that." I blurted out, unsure of what to say, of what was the right way. But it didn't matter, not with the Colonel.

"Not a problem, Kick-Ass." He patted me in the back, "Besides, there's something 'bout her. I can't help but to think of her out of the blue sometimes, like in the middle of midnight or afternoon at work. Feels like there's a connection between us. The way she looks at me sometimes…"

"What?" I didn't catch the last part. I was lagging behind, thinking about Mindy.

"Nevermind." The Colonel just said, and we parted ways. I joined Nightbitch at the corner, and we had a similar conversation, except…

"Don't worry about it, Kick-Ass. We're complicated, sometimes overly-complicated. We tend to say things we don't mean." Nightbitch went on with her advice – I had a tendency to trust her, since we were dating, even if we were doing it anonymously with some benefits on the side – I wasn't sure if there were any real feelings involved, "Tell you what – we should get to know each other a little better. I don't mind helping you out with Mandy – I'm always surrounded by kids at my ballet school, I know how to take care of them."

"Wow- Really? I don't know what to say, really, but thanks." I was caught off-guard by her offer to help. I smiled like an idiot. We'd been taking trips to the men's bathroom for so long that I was a beginning to doubt her feelings for me. In the back of my fucked-up mind, I was starting to think that she was getting it on with me for the fame of dating Kick-Ass, or just pure pleasure. And now, we're taking it to the next step right out of the blue.

"How about taking me out to dinner? Leave home the mask and costume?" It kept getting better and better, her smile and look on her face felt genuine again. It was time to get Katie Deauxma jealous – I'd found out months and months ago that it was all a lie, telling me that she was a lesbian to begin with. It was just an excuse, a lousy lie, but I fell for it all the same. The most important thing was, she's had it with me, and was desperate enough to do it to get me out of her hair, "And then we could talk about me taking care of your sister."

"That'd be awesome. How about… Next week?" The agreement was quick. I was excited at getting back into the game, and I could really tell that so was she. Kick-Ass' back on Spider-man's level again, after being banished from it by one Katie for a year, for so long. The only reason it didn't feel like eternity was Mindy – tragedy has a way of castrating you while he's your only friend. Look at all those noir films for reference.