"Okay, so maybe I overreacted a little."
Marlene, Sophie and Lily were sitting on the floor of their dormitory around a pile of sugar quills and licorice wands that Marlene had nicked from Cammie's trunk. Having the period after lunch free, the three sixth years had decided that since it was only the second day of classes, they could spare some time away from the library.
Marlene scoffed at Lily's words. "Lily, you basically blew up their room. I'd say overreaction is an understatement."
Lily frowned, but couldn't disagree. Instead, she muttered "I only knocked over their door," causing Sophie to giggle.
"Why exactly did you burst in there anyway? Couldn't you have just asked James where he'd been?"
Lily looked around the room as she thought how to answer, eyes landing on Charlotte's four-poster where there new roommate had neatly tucked in her sheets before setting off for breakfast earlier this morning. There were no photographs on the wall, no ornaments or posters of any kind. Her cat, to which Charlotte had given no name, was under the bed once more, sleeping. "I'm not sure exactly, Soph, only…" Lily paused to think, unsure how to put what she had seen and felt yesterday into words. "Only, Charlotte's face when she looked at me was absolutely horrified. She looked, and sounded, like she was in pain. I didn't know who else to blame besides Potter." Marlene rolled her eyes at this, but Sophie nodded sympathetically.
"But why explode like that?" Sophie pressed, "I know the two of you row often enough, but I don't think I've ever seen you quite that angry with him. Not even when everything happened with Snape." She whispered the last word, as if worried that hearing the name would send Lily into another temper.
"Yeah, compared to what you did yesterday, you barely even defended your ex-best friend when the Marauders were actually bullying someone, " Marlene added.
Lily sighed, unable to find answers to satisfy even herself. "Maybe it was because I knew he at least could defend herself. Or maybe a part of me thought he deserved it." Even as the words left her own mouth, Lily knew they weren't the true reasons. The licorice wand she had been intending to eat suddenly snapped, and Lily realized that she had been pulling on it as she spoke. Tossing the candy to the floor, she tried again to work out the events of the night before. "What did you feel, when you looked at Charlotte's face? At her eyes?" Lily watched her friends carefully as she asked this, looking for any signs of the frustration and fear that she could feel even now in her stomach.
Marlene rolled onto her back, staring at the ceiling and scrunching her eyes as if trying to remember. "I dunno. She looked scared. Maybe surprised."
"No, I mean, what did you feel?" Lily pressed.
"I felt a little anxious, and I was a bit frightened that someone had just cursed her or something. Is that what you mean, Lily?" Sophie bit her sugar quill nervously as she spoke, giving Lily a cautiously curious look.
Lily shook her head, her frown deepening as she rested her chin on her hands. It didn't make sense. When she had looked at her, Lily had felt rather than saw Charlotte's pain, her anger, her absolute terror. Lily placed a hand over her stomach, remembering the strange sensations and suppressing a shiver
"Are you going to apologize?" Marlene asked. It was an innocent question, but it made Lily's stomach turn for a whole different reason.
"I can't even get Remus to look at me, let alone get Potter to listen to me long enough for me to say anything," she groaned. And then, adding quickly, "If I decide to apologize, that is."
"Well, why wouldn't you apologize?" Sophie asked over Marlene's snort.
"Okay, yes," Lily sighed exaggeratedly, "I knocked down their door and yes I shoved my wand in Potter's face for something he didn't do, but it's not as if my accusations were unfounded or anything!" That was, of course, only partially true. While Charlotte had cried out after looking at Potter, and while it wasn't unknown for Potter to hex students during his off time, to Lily's knowledge he had never really hurt someone before who hadn't been intending to hurt someone else.
"Why did you go after James, anyway?" Marlene rolled back onto her stomach to look directly at Lily.
"What do you mean? Charlotte nearly passed out after looking at him," answered Lily, looking at Marlene as though she had asked why she'd made the rash decision to put tea in her teacup.
"No," began Marlene, grabbing her fourth licorice wand, "she started acting that way when both James and Peter walked in to the hall. Why couldn't it have been something to do with Peter?"
"Well," started Lily, sure that she had an answer to that somewhere, "well, it's not as if we usually catch Peter hexing students, is it?"
"Not like you to just assume something like that. It's not as if Pettigrew isn't capable, he hangs out with James while they hex people. Not that different." Marlene put a finger in the air, as if to give herself a point for making such a fabulous argument.
Lily had no answer to that, and took a licorice wand as well to have something to do with her mouth. The fact was that, for what seemed like the hundredth time in the past few months, Lily had let her temper get the better of her. Despite her resolution to be the stable and reasonable Gryffindor she had always prided herself on being, she had found herself shouting at someone for the second time in the span of two days. Not quite the way she had wanted to start off the year.
"Do you think I'm going to have to apologize to all of them?" groaned Lily, to which Marlene and Sophie only laughed.
"Where is Charlotte, by the way?" asked Sophie.
"Divination, I think. It's one of her four classes," Lily answered.
"She's only taking four classes?"
"Divination, Herbology, Care of Magical Creatures, and Astronomy." Lily ticked off the classes on her fingers.
"Interesting combination. Wonder what she's planning on doing with all of four NEWTs, two of which are in useless subjects." Marlene had always despised Astronomy, almost as much as Lily did.
"It's possible she knows exactly what she wants to do outside of Hogwarts. Which is more than I can say for us. " Sophie said quietly. Marlene glared at her and Lily slouched as she felt the tiny twinges of anxiety start to flutter in her stomach. "I've been thinking about it a lot, recently," Sophie continued. "I could be a healer's assistant, less training and better hours than a healer, but still some useful skills." Marlene and Lily watched as Sophie stared determinedly at the candy pile in front of them, as if the sugar quills would suddenly become a window into the future. "Those kind of skills are going to be necessary when we fight, too." When she looked up at Lily and Marlene, Lily was surprised to see a fierce light in her eyes, an intensity that looked strange on a girl who was so soft.
Marlene raised an eyebrow at Sophie. "When we fight? Have you decided for us then?"
"Oh Marlene," Sophie smiled sadly, "it's not like we're going to be given much of a choice, is it?" The three girls sat in silence after that, each lost in thoughts of the deaths they've already experienced, and the battles they were sure to witness.
"I want to be an Auror," said Marlene finally. Both Sophie and Lily looked up at her in surprise.
"You've always said you'd never work for the ministry, that it's far too corrupt-"
"Yeah, but it's like Sophie said, right? We're going to be in the mess anyway, might as well throw ourselves in and get some training out of it." She too now had a fierce light in her eyes.
Perhaps, Lily thought, that ferocity is no more than a will to survive.
The room grew quiet again, and the absence of assertions from a particular red-head were more than noticeable. Both Marlene and Sophie were looking at Lily expectantly, who was chewing on a sugar quill hesitantly.
"I haven't given much thought to it," she said eventually.
"Right, you haven't spared a few moments to think about what it is you might want to do with your life?" asked Marlene disbelievingly.
"My thoughts have just never gotten that far. Right now is about doing well in classes, right? And learning skills to help us manage, but why not… just let things fall into place in their own time?" Sophie and Marlene gaped at Lily as if she had just pronounced she was dropping out of school to become a jockey.
"In third year you scolded me for not creating a study plan for finals-despite the fact that it was only February. Since when don't you plan for things?" Marlene asked incredulously. Lily only shrugged uncomfortably, letting her eyes fall on the newspaper on the desk next to her. The headline read:
"MINISTRY SUSPECTS MYSTERIOUS DISAPPEARANCES RELATED TO DEATH EATER RAIDS"
"I'm sure one day you'll hear a career and decide that that's what you want to do. No need to pick one until you find the right one," Sophie encouraged.
"Yeah, exactly," said Lily, in what she hoped was a confident tone.
James was already in the classroom when Lily got to Ancient Runes, and when she took her usual spot next to him she would have sworn she saw him shift away from her. Frowning, Lily took out her books and parchment and attempted to listen as Professor Garcia started explaining the task for the day. Unfortunately, the frowning and the stiffness of the boy next to her was as sufficient as screaming to distract her from whatever Garcia was saying.
It's not as if Lily and James hadn't fought before. During fifth year especially, the pair had had more than a few rows that tended to end in Lily being furious with James for something or other. She would glare at him and he would smirk, but by the time Ancient Runes had rolled around, the anger had worn off and the two would sit peacefully, sometimes in a comfortable silence, sometimes in casual conversation. Lily figured it was because it's necessary to be friendly with your desk partner in this class, since the majority of the work is done in pairs. Whatever was going on in the castle and outside of it that week, merely drifted away as they concentrated on translations from a time where things were simpler.
Because there were only four students in the class, Professor Garcia had decided that the students would be doing a year-long assignment with their desk partners. Professor Garcia explained that she was there to guide them, but for the most part the work was to be done independently. The prospect of the project excited Lily, but when she started to grin, she accidentally turned to see Potter, who was still frowning and looking determinedly somewhere else.
The problem was, that despite working as partners, Ancient Runes could be done in either conversation or silence. Lily figured that with all of Potter's huffing, he was sure to choose the latter, and she would be forced to try and figure out how to apologize to a wall. To her surprise, however, James was the first of them to speak.
"I saw Charlotte at breakfast this morning. I think I waved at her, which I know is far worse than walking by her, so I figure you may want to hex me for that too." He was looking straight at her, slightly red in the face and wearing a smile that was quickly melting into a sneer.
"Well, if she starts screaming every time she sees someone wave I'll know who to blame." Okay, maybe not the best way to start off an apology.
James snorted at her less than amusing joke and leaned back in his chair, eyes not leaving her face.
"That's it then? That's who I am?"
"What are you on about?" Lily frowned.
"In whatever story you've been making up in your spare time. I'm the evil villain that has to be thwarted by the fearsome heroine." He raised his eyebrows at her as if challenging her to disagree.
"You're not… No!.. I don't make up stories-" James snorted again, "besides I think we have enough real life villains that need to be thwarted, what would be the point of making up another?"
"A heroine could never have too many villains, Evans. That's what makes them the hero, obsessed with finding evil everywhere…"
Lily sighed in frustration, trying to put together the words that she had promised she'd say but that now refused to leave her lips.
"You certainly antagonize me Potter, but don't raise yourself to the status of villain quite yet." Well, that was closer at least.
At that, Lily thought she saw the slightest bit of a twitch upwards in his lips, but he was scowling again in seconds.
"Good to know that as evil-doers go, I'm sub-par."
They sat in silence for another few moments, before James suggested they get started on their translations. When he finally looked away from her, Lily let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding. An apology was never something the two of them had done before, and she wasn't sure how to even start.
"I didn't mean to knock down your door." James looked up at her again, this time without a frown, and raised his eyebrows.
"What do you mean you didn't mean to?" he asked, looking amused.
"I mean, I had planned on knocking on it. Look, I know I overreacted a bit, okay? I was just a bit upset and looking at Charlotte…" she drifted into silence.
"I know what you mean. Her facial expressions are really…. expressive." James furrowed his brow, and Lily thought he looked like he was slightly pained. "When she looked at me I felt awful-not because I had done anything- but because I felt as though something had been torn from my chest. Why are you looking at me like that?" Lily had frozen in her seat with her eyes wide, staring at James as if he had just turned into a Sphynx before her eyes.
"No reason," she said quickly "It's just… I know what you mean. " She shook her head, trying to clear her thoughts. So I'm not quite crazy, then. Maybe Marlene and Sophie just didn't get a good look at Charlotte.
"Do you? Sirius and Remus thought I might be a bit mad. I think Peter felt it too though, but he wasn't really saying much." James stared off into space rubbing his chest, and Lily knew that he was remembering-like she was- the sensations of the night before.
"So, err, are we good then?" Lily asked
"What?" James asked turning to her, shaking out of his reverie.
"Are we done fighting?" James considered her thoughtfully and then said,
"I don't think we're ever done fighting, Evans." But he was quite obviously suppressing a grin, and Lily felt relief and triumph wash over her. "Am I to understand that this was your version of an apology? Didn't mean to blow up your dorm room Potter, but can we be old chaps now?" He chuckled, shaking his head and watching her face redden.
"I did not blow anything up! Nor did I say were were going to be anything close to 'old chaps'!" Lily insisted, but James only waved a hand as if to say it was irrelevant. As Lily opened her mouth to argue further, James nodded towards where Professor Garcia was making her way towards them, and they both lowered their heads to appear as if they had been working. For the rest of the class they were consumed by their work, listening as the intricacies of their project were explained by Professor Garcia. By the time she was done, the period was over and James and Lily were throwing their things into their bags as the bell rang.
"Evans," James began, and Lily looked up from her packing to listen. She was taken aback by the tautness of his face and mingled desperation and pride in his eyes that seemed to demand her attention. "It's not something I would do," he said simply, and there was no question what the 'something' was that he was referring to.
Before Lily could even formulate an answer other than a blush, she was alone in the classroom.
"You're pathetic, mate." Sirius shook his head as he tossed a crumpled ball of parchment in the air and caught it. Remus sat next to him, leaning against a willow tree with a book in his hand, only looking away from it to roll his eyes at his friend. Peter was lying on the ground in front of them, seemingly lost in his own thoughts seeing as he had yet to compliment Sirius on his fantastic catching skills.
James frowned at first at Sirius' words, but then grinned. "Maybe a little." He had just finished telling them about Lily's poor excuse for an apology, something which none of them had seemed to be very interested in hearing about.
"I'm just glad I don't have to be mad at her anymore. I kept forgetting," admitted a sheepish Peter.
"I'm sure this won't be the last time she does something to piss of Prongs, Wormtail. Probably won't be the last time this week." Instead of tossing the ball in the air again, Sirius threw it at James, hitting his glasses and causing them to go askew.
"It's usually her getting pissed at me, remember?" James threw the hand-made ball back to Sirius, but instead hit Remus in the eye.
"Aren't you supposed to be a ruddy Chaser?" Remus threw the ball back at James.
"That will hardly take a day," remarked Sirius, catching the ball that James had intended to hit his face. The comment seemed innocent enough to Peter and Remus, but something in Sirius' tone caused James to frown.
"What are you on about, Pad-?"
"This is boring. When are we going to get moving on Operation Turtle?" Sirius sat up suddenly, a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"We can not call this Operation Turtle," asserted a grinning James. "But since the only idea you've come up with was to kidnap an Auror-"
"I never said kidnap! I said that we'd knock him out with-"
"I think the plan needs more work before we actually start doing anything." James' words made Sirius scowl. "Or... we could just wander around the school at night and hope to hear something or other." At that, Sirius perked up slightly.
"At the very least, we should be testing out the cloak and map tonight" grinned Sirius.
"Testing out for what purpose? You think they've suddenly stopped working?" Remus grinned.
"Cm'on, Moony, aren't you always the one talking about precaution and…whatever," Remus grumbled in response. "What d'you say, Prongs? Fancy to see what the kitchens have stocked up with this… what are you looking at?"
James was staring off into the distance, where a group of students were walking up to the castle. Ten or so sixth-years were grouped together as they made their way back from Care of Magical Creatures, but James was fixated on the figure of the girl who was lagging behind. Sirius moved closer to James to see what he was looking at, and noticing the silence, Remus put down his book to see as well.
"Whatever you're thinking, Prongs, it's not worth it." Sirius had also recognized the girl, even from a distance they could make out her white-blonde hair. James pouted at Sirius' words.
"I was only thinking of talking to her. What harm could that do?"
"For once, James, I agree with Sirius," added Remus.
"You two are wankers." James took another twenty seconds for internal debate before: "I'm going to talk to her." And ignoring the looks of exasperation that Remus and Sirius exchanged, James jogged over to Charlotte, catching up with her as they reached the entrance to the castle. Charlotte had seen him approaching and was watching him as he slowed to a walk, however looked down at her shoes once he was less than six feet away.
"Uhh.. hello." It wasn't until he had reached her that James realized he had no idea what he wanted to say. "My names James. James Potter." He decided on, giving Charlotte a wide smile that she didn't life her eyes to see. "I just wanted to, uh, welcome you. And, uh, make sure you were alright. You seemed a little overwhlemed last night." Charlotte didn't move her eyes from the dirt and stone beneath her feet. She didn't seem frightened, which James took as a good sign, but neither had she shown any outward sign of hearing him at all.
"It's just… do you know me? I mean, do I know you? Did I do something?" He was a good foot taller than her, so trying to look at her downward face meant that he had to bend his knees a few inches. Even then, he could see no thoughts or emotions betrayed on it. He racked his brains for something else to say, desperate for some answers about the events of last night. After two minutes of awkward silence, James was about to ask whether she had perhaps never learned how to speak, but then Charlotte had decided that the one-sided conversation was over.
James watched her turn to leave, without looking up. He suddenly felt a surge of desperation and reached out to grab her arm. When he did, she finally looked up to meet his eyes. Her icy-blue orbs met his hazel ones, and James felt what felt like an iron spike go through his heart. He let go of her arm to clutch his chest, falling to his knees but never breaking eye contact, despite the whispers in the back of his head that were screaming at him to look away. Charlotte's face looked as pained as James felt, pained and sorrowful.
"It's not time yet, it's too soon!" The high-pitched whine broke whatever spelled had bound James and Charlotte. James gasped for air as he stood up, searching for the source of the familiar voice.
"Shut your mouth, Wilkes. Don't forget where we are." Spoke a quieter, low voice that James thought probably belonged to Mulciber. James looked between Charlotte and the corner of the castle, where James was sure the Slytherin voices were coming from. He could practically feel his invisibility cloak inside his bag, begging to be worn. But Charlotte wasn't moving, and he wasn't about to share one of his most precious secrets with a girl he barely knew. Instead, he strained his ears, watching as a pale and uncertain Charlotte swayed slowly. He could hear nothing.
Holding back a growl of frustration, James ripped out his invisibility cloak, glancing around to make sure no one but Charlotte could see him, and threw the cloak around both of them. Charlotte seemed to hardly notice, and followed as James walked towards where they had heard the arguing voices.
"He said he was ready, right? Seemed pretty eager to me." This time it was Evan Rosier speaking. Rosier, along with Mulciber and Wilkes were huddled together by greenhouse 1, whispering.
"Yeah, and so did Gabriel Turner. Didn't exactly work out in his favor, did it?"
"Who cares how it works out for Black? If He thinks it's time, that's it, it's time."
James; mouth went dry. Sirius?, he thought, What could they want with Sirius? James took out his wand, prepared to curse the answer out of someone, but then-
"He's never asked for fifth years before, why start now?"
James furrowed his brow, keeping his grip on his wand but allowing himself to breath. Sirius is a sixth year, these gits would know that. And then James realized just which Black Wilkes was referring to.
"Do not question the Dark Lord, you daft fool. Have you learned nothing? Do you want to end up like Turner? I'd be glad to-"
"No! Of course I don't mean to-But still-" He was interrupted by the bell marking a five minute warning for the next period. As if the bell had turned a switch in their brains, the three Slytherins stood up straighter and took a few steps away from each other before setting off in different directions.
For a few minutes, James stood in the same spot, debating the benefits of chasing down the people he had just been spying on. But then he caught sight of his friends walking towards Greenhouse Five and realized that he couldn't do so without arousing suspicion. Forcing himself to pull off the cloak and take the first steps towards the greenhouses, James felt a hot, spiked boulder drop in his stomach. It rolled around and around as he moved, and James' head spun thinking about the conversation he had just over heard. He could see Charlotte watching him out of the corner of his eye, her face betraying no thoughts or emotions. Rubbing his chest, James began running towards Green House Five, away from Charlotte and hopefully away from the gossip of Death Eaters.