Disclaimer: I own very little.
A/N: Just to make one thing clear: If a thing that happened in the manga is not mentioned at all, you can assume that the manga version counts for the fic as well. If I don't want some event portrayed in the manga to be included in the storyline of this fic, I'll make sure to offer an explanation of some kind as of why it did not happen in this reality. (You'll hopefully see what I mean in the next chapter.)
A Pig's Life
Chapter 3:
Martial Arts Rhythmic Gymnastics
"Has Ryo-kun returned yet, Kasumi-san?" asked Ranma as she came back from school, squeezing water from her clothes. In her mind he was cursing that old lady and her ladle. She must be the master of some kind of Martial Arts Water Throwing, that was the only way she could hit him every single time!
"I'm afraid not, Ranma-kun," Kasumi replied, smiling apologetically. "There's somebody else here you might want to see, though. He said that he is your friend, and he didn't seem to want to fight."
"What? Who's it?" asked Ranma, hurrying past her to see who was awaiting him. As he saw the guest, his expression turned into one of delight. "Hi, Ryoga!" he called. "Finally found your way back here, did ya!"
"Oh, shut up, Ranma," replied his friend, laughing a bit. "And who's this Ryo-kun you keep asking after?"
"Oh, he's my pet," Ranma said cheerfully. "A little black piglet. He's got a bandanna 'round his neck much like that you've got on your head, so I named 'im Ryo-kun. A real good fighter, that one."
"You named a pig after me?" Ryoga asked dryly, raising an eyebrow. "I'm not flattered."
"Ryoga, eh?" asked Soun, who walked into the room just then, obviously having heard Ranma's shout earlier. "So were you the one sneaking into my daughter's room the other night?"
"W-what?" stammered Ryoga, flushing a bit. "Well, yes... But I assure you, that was not my intention! I was looking for Ranma to challenge him into a fight. However, I somehow got lost on my way to his room."
"He's tellin' the truth," Ranma spoke up. "Probably can't find his way outta the room on his own. I used ta lead him home all the time when we were kids. It just ain't possible to him to find his way nowhere."
"Ah, yes. I see." The man nodded. "Very well, then." And, with that, he walked away.
Ryoga stared after him for a while, dumbfounded. Then he turned towards Ranma and said weakly, "Eh?"
"Ya get used ta it," Ranma sighed, shaking his head. "As impossible as it seems, ya do."
"D'you even know how to use these things?" asked Ranma dryly as he looked at Akane, who was armed with a hoop and a ribbon. Akane's slightly annoyed response, however, didn't reach his ears as his interest was caught by a completely different sound. Both teens turned towards the door of the dojo, where the sound had come from. Ranma was delighted and Akane annoyed to see a small, black piglet coming.
"Ryo-kun!" Ranma exclaimed. "Where've ya been? I haven't seen you in ages!"
"I could have done without seeing it ever again," muttered Akane. "That pig means only trouble."
"Oh, shut up," Ranma said annoyedly. "You're just jealous coz you aren't even as cute as Ryo-kun!"
"Cute?" echoed Akane disbelievingly. "You're calling that perverted beast cute?"
"Hey, even the ugliest monster would be cute compared with ya," the boy replied boredly. Then he quite effortlessly dodged Akane's furious swing of a club, his pet held securely in one hand.
"Whatever, but it's not going to stay here!" yelled Akane furiously. "I'm not going to practice as long as that -- that thing is here!" She pointed at Ryo-kun, who was trying to be invisible.
"Sorry, Ryo-kun," Ranma said quietly to his pig as he carried it out of the dojo. "I hafta watch her so she doesn't do nothin' ta hurt herself. But be sure to turn up again later, will ya?"
The pig 'bwee'd in agreement and sped off into the darkening night. For a moment Ranma watched its retreating form, then sighed and turned around, returning to watch Akane making a fool of herself.
Ranma watched as Akane got tangled in the ribbon for the umpteenth time. He was now seriously wishing that he had left with Ryo-kun. Akane was simply hopeless; it was a pain to watch her failing -- er, training.
"You seemingly really don't know how to use those, do you?" asked a calm voice from the door. The girl turned around as quickly as she could with all her limbs trapped by the ribbon, a growl erupting from her chest. Ranma turned around as well, delighted to see who was there.
"Ryoga!" exclaimed Ranma, but his voice was drowned in Akane's enraged yell.
"That's it!" she yelled in fury. "Make fun of me, why don't you? I'd like to see either of you doing better!" At this she threw various objects at them despite still being tied by the ribbon.
Both boys dodged the hoops, ribbons, balls, and clubs without any real effort, each catching one ribbon in their hands. "Remember, Ranma -- no unarmed attacks!" Ryoga reminded. The pigtailed boy just snorted, throwing a ball behind his head while striking out with the ribbon he was holding.
Ryoga caught the ribbon in one hand while lashing out with his own weapon. He didn't even blink as Ranma avoided his attack, just dodged the ball thrown by Ranma earlier that by now had bounced off the wall and flew right towards his head. Throwing a hoop and forcing Ranma to jump, he struck again with the ribbon, making it twist around Ranma's ankle. Except that the pigtailed boy wasn't there anymore; instead he had bounced off the wall, now aiming at Ryoga with a ball.
They continued this for some time, then both landed softly on one foot. After looking at each other for a fleeting second they turned towards Akane. At seeing her both muttered, "Uh-oh."
A second later the two boys hurried outside, not wanting to face Akane's frustrated rage. It wasn't until after her yelling had faded from their hearing that they finally slowed down. Glancing at each other, they were silent for a while. Then both started to laugh. "Did ya see her face?" Ranma managed to say.
"Oh, I did," chuckled Ryoga. "I thought she was going to explode! Not a very good loser, is she?"
"Definitely not." Ranma shook his head in amusement. "By the way," he then said, "I hafta admit you're good at armed combat. Though you still ain't as good as me unarmed," he added with a grin.
Ryoga grinned as well. "Stuff it, Saotome," he said cheerfully. "You weren't too bad, either."
"Hey!" protested the pigtailed boy. "I managed ta keep you at bay, and I specialize in unarmed combat!"
"Do you really think I'd fight against you with all my skills?" asked the fanged boy, then dodged the halfhearted strike at his direction. "My, my. It looks like Akane isn't the only sore loser."
"Don't ya dare compare me with her," grumbled Ranma, sending his friend a glare. Ryoga responded with a teasing grin. Unable to stop himself, Ranma found himself grinning as well.
"Maybe we should return," he then suggested. "She's hopefully calmed down by now." Ryoga agreed, nodding and starting to walk -- to the opposite direction. "Er... Ryoga? We should be going there..."
"Oh, yes!" Ryoga exclaimed. "'m sorry." He then turned -- again to the wrong direction. Ranma sighed.
After a few futile attempts to make his friend go to the right direction, Ranma finally gave up. Grasping Ryoga's wrist he started to drag the other boy towards the house of the Tendos. The eternally lost boy followed, secretly glad for the darkness that hid the slightly flustered tone of his cheeks.
Akane stared at the girl in front of her. Just what was she thinking? First breaking into her room and attacking her, and now claiming it was "in all fairness"? "That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard!" she exclaimed, fuming with rage. Who did this bitch think she was?
"I, however, think that it is very reasonable," the other girl told with a smirk. "In fact, I see it as the perfect way to deal with my opponents." She smiled a bit, looking very self-confident.
"Well, I don't!" Akane snapped. "Now, get out of here before I make you leave! I'd like to actually get some sleep tonight." At this, she turned around to return to her bed.
Akane sensed the mallet before she even heard the swish of air. In an instant she turned and kicked it out of Kodachi's hand. Then she stood still, glaring at her opponent.
It looked like Kodachi did not shy away from even the lowest of tricks. A tough opponent, indeed.
"Get here and fight like a man, Ranma!" roared a voice that was not very angry after all. The addressed teen just laughed and leapt easily to the roof to avoid the fanged boy's attack.
Ryoga growled in mock anger and threw a ball towards Ranma, knowing that the other boy would manage to avoid being hit. However, the ball hit something else. Startled, he saw a young girl in tights falling from the roof. Immediately he leapt up to catch her before she hit the ground.
Landing on the roof, he glanced at the girl, trying to avoid the strong blush that threatened to hit him for being so close to a girl. This was easier than it would have been some time earlier, as his time as Ryo-kun had often brought him close to Ranma's girl form, who was definitely better formed than this girl. Now he managed to be almost absolutely normal as he looked at the girl and asked, "You all right?"
For a moment the girl just stared at him, then blushed. Then, to Ryoga's immense shock, she suddenly hugged him close, sobbing and muttering, "I was so frightened!"
"There, there..." Ryoga awkwardly tried to calm her. As she then inquired his name, he replied, "Hibiki Ryoga..." For some reason the girl made him wary. He placed her on the roof, taking a step back.
The next thing he knew the girl was offering him a bunch of black roses -- where she had pulled them from, Ryoga did definitely not know. "For you, my Ryoga-sama!" she chirped. The moment he got a whiff of the smell of the roses, however, he felt a shock going through him.
The girl laughed at him as he fell down, unable to stand up anymore. "A bit of paralysis gas in the bouquet!" she cackled, standing over him like some insane goddess.
"Are you crazy?" blurted Ryoga, barely managing to push himself up from the roof. Then, however, he was brought down again as the girl suddenly landed on top of him, pushing him down.
"Now, my Ryoga-sama," she said, her hands grasping on his shoulders. "Be brave... and take these lips of mine!" She lowered her face towards his. All he could do was to stare in horror, unable to move.
Then, however, the rescue came in the form of a wet, pigtailed girl. "Get off him, ya freaky bitch!" Ranma exclaimed, kicking the strange girl out of sight. Then she turned towards Ryoga, a concerned look on her face. "Sorry for not gettin' here earlier," she said apologetically. "I kinda got shocked and landed in the pond. You okay?" she then asked. "...Ya really can't not move, can ya?"
Ryoga couldn't even shake his head, leave alone speak. He found that even turning his eyes was getting pretty difficult as the poison spread through him. As Ranma realized this, she sighed.
"C'mon," she said, easily lifting him on her shoulder, seemingly not bothered by his weight at all. "I can't leave ya to sleep here, can I? Ya'd freeze ta death, y'know. I'll get ya inside."
In a moment Ryoga found himself dropped on the floor of the room Ranma and his father slept in, then covered with a blanket. "I'm gonna take a quick bath," Ranma said to him as an explanation. "I ain't gonna not sleep a girl!" She then left the room, seemingly in a hurry. However, she -- or, rather, he --did return rather soon, laying himself down on his own bed not too far from where Ryoga lay. "'Night."
Ryoga could not respond, but he did not care. He somehow managed to move his eyes, which was more than enough for him. After all, he was lying only a couple of feet away from the not-too-heavily-clothed Ranma, who seemingly did not care much for blankets, either. Therefore, despite his rather disturbing condition, Ryoga soon slept peacefully, the image of a sleeping Ranma still clear in his mind.
"Hey, Kasumi-san!" Ranma said cheerfully as he walked into the room. "Ryoga slept over; some freaky girl called the Black Petunia or somethin' like that paralyzed him and I couldn't leave him nowhere ta freeze dead. D'ya have enough breakfast for him as well?" he asked happily. Ryoga peered carefully over his shoulder, now able to move but rather wary about facing Akane after their humiliating her the night before.
"But of course, Ranma-kun!" the eldest of the Tendo girls said, a happy smile on her face. "Just sit down, both of you, and I'll get you something to eat!" She happily hurried into the kitchen.
"Kami-sama," muttered Ryoga. "Just how weird is your life if she takes that like it's nothing?"
"It's not nothin', she's just Kasumi," Ranma commented lightly. "She'll take anythin' like that. Oh, Akane!" he said with a fake grin at his fiancée, who had just entered the room. "Mastered the ribbon yet, eh?"
Ryoga watched rather calmly as his friend made a great arc through the air, landing right at the pond, splashing water everywhere. "Your aim is rather good, Akane-san," he commented lightly.
"Shut up, pervert," growled the girl. "I'll soon kick you there to accompany him, too!" However, a hint of a smile tugged at the corner of her lips as she started to eat -- even though she still was glaring at Ryoga.
Next Chapter:
Kodachi won't stop bothering Ryoga. However, Ranma comes up with a solution that might help not only Ryoga but also him when it comes to troublesome Kunos...