The Descent
Chapter 27: Gut Feelings
"Mandy, you look a little pale. You sure you're up for school?" 'Dad' said, sounding worried, but I knew his drift, his style. He was still calling me MANDY in his own sickening way. If Dave hadn't told me to 'keep my superheroism a secret', I would've just dropped the act. Looking up at him from my cereal, I tried my best to smile in that way that Dave had me rehearsing in front of the mirror.
"I'm fine, Daddy." I replied in the way that Dave had me rehearsing in his bedroom for close to an hour. He schooled me in being normal. He said that it was undercover training, and I believed him. But it was unbearable when I had to call 'dad' Daddy. It felt… sacrilegious. A new word, and it sounded just right. I had to be friendly, but I woke up feeling strange today. Everything was getting on my nerve. 'Dad' worse of all, and even Dave when he woke me up – I could wake up by myself, t he was treating me like some kid! "It's just the weather. It's a little cold." I lied. I woke up feeling a little tired too – and it wasn't just the training. I knew how training felt like, and this time it felt like something worse.
I looked at Dave. He was still signaling to me with his eyebrows and a little shake of his head to apologize and make up to 'dad'. I remembered what I said the day before yesterday, that I would do anything for him if we became partners. But apologizing to 'dad'? When he tried to keep me from remembering my real Daddy and replacing him? I returned to eating my cereal, even though I didn't feel like it. The taste was off somehow, and I didn't really feel like eating that much. When I looked up again, Dave was still arching his eyebrows to me. I couldn't do it. I shook my head before digging into my cereal further. The flakes felt like they were grating my tongue, and the taste reminded me of hay.
"Daddy, did you buy expired Kellogg's? It tastes funny." I hated myself whenever I spoke in little girl talk, but I had to do it. Kick-Ass' orders. I was the Robin to his Batman. What I said had both Dave and 'Dad' look at me, before they both tried another spoonful of cornflakes again, but they weren't giving me the look that I was probably putting on after each spoon of hay-tasting cereal. 'Dad' reached for the cereal box, looking all over it on all sides for the expiry date. I couldn't help but to roll my eyes at him looking stupid. Out of the corner of my eyes, I saw Dave staring daggers at me, so I stopped.
"Nope, still a few months on it. You sure you're okay?" Fake Dad reported. Every time he acted like he cared about me when I knew he was just trying to live in an illusion of a perfect family for his kicks, I felt like screaming at him. Below the table, I was already clenching my fist. The hay cereal in my bowl became a way to distract myself from overturning the table.
"I'm fine." I repeated myself. I didn't remember saying it until a few seconds later, "Daddy." I couldn't even bear to look at him anymore. I could feel Dave's foot nudging at me, but I didn't let that bother me. After ignoring it for a while, Dave finally gave up on me for the rest of breakfast. I kept shoveling the hay into my mouth and swallowing, but no matter how many times I did it, I couldn't finish it. When I pushed the bowl aside, it was still half-full. And I was close to puking.
It was a relief when I excused myself from the table, and was allowed to. I just 'had' to choose a jacket to match the pink dress I was wearing just like any sweet 11 year old girl would. I threw in a bit about packing my bag to make sure I stay as far and long from 'dad' as possible. I stayed upstairs until the bus was honking outside.
"What was that about, Mindy?" Dave questioned me in a hushed tone the moment we boarded the bus and took the back seat. We were undercover… as ourselves, so we had to be careful with what we said.
"I'm sorry, Dave. I just can't." For the time being, I had to tell the truth. I promised Dave, and I had to try my best. But there was only so far I could go. "It didn't feel like the right time." I wanted to shout at him. For some reason, I felt irritated at him, but I love him. And we were partners. I might even apologize to 'dad' for him, maybe tomorrow, maybe in the weekend, as soon as I could work it up. Silence. It reminded me too much of Tuesday, before our first training together, when Dave was angry and disappointed at me. "Can I follow you to headquarters today?" I asked, trying to break the silence. I was hoping he would talk to me. At least I would know he wasn't that angry that way, like that time.
"We talked about this before. You're too young. Period. Colonel Stars and Stripes won't approve!" He whispered harshly and made me wish I didn't make him talk. Not only did Dave had something against me, something to do with 'dad', it also meant we wouldn't be together, training or going out on janitorial duty.
Later…
When Dave went out, so did I. I didn't let him know though, but he didn't say that I couldn't either. I waited for him to leave before I did the same thing. He turned in the direction of Safehouse F, so I went to my headquarters to get suited up and figure out what to do next.
The first thing I did was to go back to Daddy's drawing and painting desk. There, I found a comic book in a drawer, drawn and colored by Daddy himself, and it was about what came before. It answered so many of my questions, and gave me my past back. I remembered my mother, and pictures of her came back to me. She didn't look anything like Alice Lizewski – and Daddy drew her very carefully. I remembered Marcus, Daddy's friend. He took care of me. I remembered what happened to Daddy, and why we did this together, why he trained me. I remembered Marcus and Daddy arguing when he decided to let me in on the fun. She deserves a chance to avenge her mother, he said to Marcus.
I couldn't remember a lot about Marcus. He was Daddy's friend, and he took care of me. But when I remembered him, I remembered pain, lots of it. I remembered feeling sad, feeling out of control. Gunshots. My finger squeezing the trigger. Screaming! The screams! Falling! I threw the comic book back to where it was. It felt like it was burning me, eating my brain away like zombies from the TV. I tried to forget what I remembered, but I couldn't. I looked at the wall, and I knew what I must do. Daddy skipped most of the other big bad guys to get to Frank. I had to finish what Daddy started. I wanted to. The faces crawled under my skin. They made me angry. They killed my family, all of them.
I knew what to do next. Cosimo Casillo and his lieutenant, Bobby LeTore, was next on what I remembered was called my 'shit-list'. But when it was time for me to suit up, I started feeling worse than I did in class, than when I was eating the hay 'dad' fed me. It was like a stomach flu coming on, or a tummy ache. It felt like the expired cereal (I still think it was expired) coming back to haunt me. But I had a plan now, and I couldn't let that stop me. I remembered what was supposed to come next just like the way I remembered the layout of Cosimo's outpost. Reconnaissance. A new word. I didn't know what it meant at first, so I had to think hard as I started slipping on my uniform. Enemies are like our friends, babydoll. We should try to get to know them very well, then give them the present they really deserve… It was all coming back to me. It was something I should have done at Cosimo's apartment front, but Dave was already going in then.
As I changed into the underoos I found in my bedroom, into my vest, slipping on my tights, I could feel pain in my stomach. Everything in the room felt like my enemy – it was an important day, and things weren't going according to plan right from the start. It didn't leave for a while, then vanished slowly after that. For a moment, I thought about postponing my reconnaissance, but it was too important. I remembered Daddy reading me a bedtime story one night, but it wasn't a bedtime story like any other. It was Sun Tzu's Art of War. I remembered hanging onto every word Daddy read. They allowed me to imagine how it was like coming up against bad guys, and winning, and what to do to get there. I remembered one very important rule – getting things done quickly.
I pressed on, putting on my boots, my mask, my utility belt and cape. Tools and equipment for the mission. I didn't let the pain coming back stop me. Finish the job first, see a doctor later. Two Peabuddies into my belt later, I considered taking the bladed staff, but I knew I couldn't use it, so I left them there. I considered taking a gun off the wall, but it would only slow me down. I didn't like the idea either. Focus Mindy focus you're not going against an army Mindy you're just snooping around. I didn't want to kill anyone – I wanted to do it the way Dave did, the way Daddy used to do things before we became superheroes. Daddy wouldn't like it if he was alive, but I couldn't do it anymore. The images would come back in my head when I think about it. They were frightening, still frightening no matter how many times I saw them. Then there was Dave.
I was tired of walking and taking buses and risking my cover that way – The pain kept coming back once in a while – so I took the little motorbike instead. It was a lucky strike when I saw myself in a picture sitting on it, and it made me remember that it was there in a nearby carpark all along, waiting for me. It was a little purple bike, with 'Ducatti' written on it. I remembered taking it out before, but I couldn't remember to where or when.
Just sitting on the bike made me nervous. I had to experiment with it for a while first, but at least it was easier to balance than a bicycle. The ignition, throttle, brakes… They were all coming back to me like waves on the shore. Have I ever been to the shore before? I saw my hands using the controls; I saw the meters in my mind as I drove the bike, somewhere, sometime ago. I went slow at first. Couldn't go out in the streets straight away. I was too afraid to. Now that'd make your Daddy proud, girlie. Shut up. I took it around the car park, going slow until I knew for sure that I wouldn't tumble over and forget the controls in the middle of the street. I nearly did when it came back, the sickening pain in my stomach.
The purple helmet I wore was stuffy and like everything else, really dusty. I had to try hard not to sneeze. I hate to admit it, but it was frightening as the wind was breaking on my body. It felt like I could tumble over at any moment. I slowed down so many times that I was getting used to being honked at from the back. The turns were the most difficult. I would make such wide arcs that I'd almost end up on the wrong side of the road; some drivers shouted at me, some with swears. I felt like swearing myself, sometimes. They weren't the ones getting sharp pains in their stomach. I saw a clinic and actually stopped by it, but I remembered I was in uniform. The plan came back to me. Daddy died for the plan. I couldn't stop because of some gastric pain. I drove on.
I stopped by an old warehouse, behind some trees and bushes, and hid my bike in there. As I was removing my trenchcoat, I could feel it again. DAMN tummy ache. I couldn't help but to swear inside. Bad example for a superhero, but at least I didn't do it out loud. That would be bad for the reconnaissance.
There were four men patrolling the perimeter of the fence. I saw them the moment I slipped on my night vision goggles. It took me a while to get them to work right, even after doing an equipment check back at headquarters. The moment they passed by, I snuck up to the chainlink fence and brought out my wire cutter. Unlike fighting with a gun or a knife, or my fists, I had no problem with reconnaissance. I didn't have to kill or even touch anyone. Hiding and sneaking felt easier than fighting the bad guys outright. I didn't like how it sounds – I wouldn't be able to do everything by just hiding and sneaking, but I had to manage somehow.
I ran low to the ground, past the four guards. There was a half-opened garage door-like opening nearby for delivery trucks. The light was dim inside. DAMN pain stop. Checking under it, I didn't see any bad guys, so I ducked under and hid behind some shelves full of boxes. Daddy used to play hide and seek with me. I remembered doing it in a forest, or in an abandoned industrial district. Sometimes, we would do it in the morning, and sometimes even at night, using night vision goggles. Sometimes, we would even catch a few guineas buying and selling drugs. Daddy was smart. He would always make sure we were ready for anything, in case of occasions like that.
There were two doors in the room near a desk with a lamp, which looked like it was for holding things. Storage area for inbound and outbound cargo... I remembered the words for it. I went the third way instead. I remembered using the vents in hide and seek. Even Daddy would take a while to find me, but he found me in the end when he heard me. As I unscrewed the lid, I kept quiet, just like Daddy taught me. When the lid fell, I held it in my hands and gently laid it down.
The vents were harder to keep quiet with. Pressing down on it with my hands and knees was enough to make a huge racket. Instead of crawling in it, I ended up sliding in the vents on my forearms and legs. The vents were smooth, so it was easy to slide on. It was claustrophobic, but I was small. The night vision goggles helped. I was getting the hang of it. As much as I can when my guts felt like it was repeatedly set on fire and then doused with water.
As I slid further down, there were openings, and sounds of people chatting. Light came through the grills. I crawled towards the light – it was getting stuffy, the air inside annoying – and when I could peek through the grills, I took off my goggles and looked through.
Six men around a table, four playing cards, two of them watching. They were all heavily armed. I saw SPAS-12s, Uzis and even an AK-101, and those were their main weapons. All of them had pistols holstered near their armpits or waist. One of them caught my eye. Leopoldo 'Spoons' Urena, a Dominican middleman for a drug cartel who was working for Cosimo. Daddy had him on his wall as part of the collection.
Putting my goggles back on, I slid to the next opening carefully, and found where the noise was coming from. A long row of tables surrounded by at least twenty girls, all naked. I couldn't help but to blush and cover my eyes, but the pain in my tummy brought me back to my senses. Looking around them, I saw another ten more of Spoons' men, every one of them better armed than I was, and more ready to kill me than I was to kill them. The girls worried me. Some of them didn't look much older than me. If I hit the place, it meant getting them in crossfire, and knowing the bad guys, they might even make hostages out of them.
There was nothing else after that, just a long stretch of darkness. It was dark at the back of the warehouse where no one was working there. Another four guards were patrolled in the dark. They looked mean, as if they were expecting to get into a fight real soon. The warehouse around the back was full of shelves and boxes. There were a few doors. Ideas were coming to me, but all of them wants me to kill them all – there was no other way.
I turned around carefully in the vents – they felt so flimsy that I was expecting to fall through anytime. I was done. I wanted to go home. So I slid back towards the light, back to where the men were playing cards. There was four of them at the table as usual, and one standing up with a SPAS-12 slung on his shoulder, watching. I made it past them, and then towards the faint light at the end of the tunnel. My heart was thumping faster. Even with my night vision goggles on, I was starting to feel trapped. I slid faster towards the faint light. I imagined that lamp with a yellow glow close to me – it was warm. When I was far enough, I started crawling. I could feel beads of sweat caressing my cheeks and forehead. Another sharp pain in my belly. I felt like throwing up. It was getting worse. The vents bent underneath me. Please don't break please don't fall through I don't want to get me out calm down get me out-
When I finally poked my head out, I would have laughed if I wasn't doing reconnaissance. The air felt cooling, and the bigger space refreshing. Then something, or someone dragged me out.