Title: Best Laid Plans 2/16
Author: Forsaken2003
Pairing: Spike/Xander
Rating: R
Disclaimer: I own none; all belong to Joss Whedon
Comments: Always welcomed!
Summary: Xander decides he wants to help Spike and Buffy get together. What better way than to pretend they are dating?
Warnings/Spoilers: Season 5
Beta'd by: Whichclothes
Part Two
Xander gave Spike a couple weeks to cool down. He hadn't been around; his ego was obviously hurt and Xander didn't want him thinking he was there to just rub it in. Not that he would be overly shocked if even now Spike would think that but Xander had to try and help. The two weeks actually gave Xander a chance to think of a plan. Maybe it wasn't the best of plans but coming from Xander it was pretty good.
Deciding the best way to start this off was to bring a peace offering, Xander bought a couple bags of O positive and stopped by The Bronze to pick up some onion blossoms. Juggling the bags, Xander knocked twice before opening the door to the crypt, knowing Spike wouldn't answer because the sun was just setting. "Hey, Spike!" He heard a loud groan from Spike's "bedroom".
Spike climbed the ladder, hoping it wasn't Xander, but was disappointed. "What the hell are you doing here, whelp?"
"Is that any way to treat a person who comes bearing gifts?" Xander asked with a grin. He held out the bags. "Merry Christmas!"
"It's July," Spike snarked but accepted the bags and inspected them. "Blood and onion blossoms?"
Xander made himself comfy in the only chair in the place. "Yup!"
"Why?" Spike asked cautiously. "Why are you even here, Harris? I thought you'd be glad that you haven't seen me around your little band of do gooders."
"Because…" Xander wavered on if this was a good idea or not. "Because I heard you in the alley that night."
Spike dropped the bags of blood and food onto the floor. "So that's why you're here. Come to tell me to get the hell out of your town?"
"Actually…no," Xander said. He watched Spike pick up the bags and bustle around to put them away. "Believe it or not I'm here to help you."
"Help me?" Spike snorted. "How the hell are you going to help me?"
Xander swung a leg over the arm of the chair. "Because, my undead friend, Buffy is one of my closest friends and I know how her mind works."
"Second question. Why the bloody hell would you want help me?" Spike asked, crossing his arms over his chest.
"Because I saw you that night, after Buffy left you there. She ripped your heart out. I know what that's like. To have someone keep tearing you down but you just keep on going back," Xander explained, remembering Faith all too well.
"In case you forgot Buffy is involved with Riley. I didn't picture you one for splitting up relationships… except your own of course," Spike said with a smile remembering when he heard about Xander's break up with Cordelia.
Xander ignored the comment. Before Cordelia left for LA to start a new life outside of the Hellmouth they had a heart to heart and agreed they would have never worked out and that they would make better friends. "Well Fangless, if you had been around you'd have known Riley is no longer in the picture."
"Buffy dumped him?" Spike asked hope filled his voice.
"No, the other way around actually. He left town last week," Xander informed Spike.
Spike's jaw dropped. "Riley dumped Buffy?! Is he mad? Why would he do a bloody thing like that?"
"Because he knew Buffy didn't love him. It wasn't fair to him or Buffy for their relationship to continue and he knew Buffy wouldn't do it because she didn't want to hurt him," explained Xander.
"And what exactly is your plan for me to get Buffy?" Spike asked with curiosity. He was still trying to wrap his head around the fact that Xander was actually trying to help him.
Xander stood and made his way over to Spike. "We make her think you are in a relationship."
"A relationship?" Spike barked out a laugh. "And how the bloody hell am I going to do that? The demons have exiled me and I can't really bring any human around. None of you lot would be happy if your little secret of witches, watchers, slayers and vampires got out."
"And that is why you need an insider," Xander explained.
"An insider," Spike repeated and scratched his head. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Xander huffed. "And you were smart as a human? One of the Scoobies!"
Spike felt a headache coming on. An insider? The only Scoobies were Willow and she was in a relationship with Tara. Hmm maybe they'd consider a threesome? Probably not. There was Dawn but Spike liked her like a little sister and he would never use her as a ploy to get Buffy. Of course there was Giles they both hated each other and Spike knew Giles wouldn't help him especially with this. That only left one person. His eyes widened. "You?!"
"Got it in one!" Xander said with a grin.
"You?" Spike laughed so hard tears streamed down his face and his sides hurt. "Good one Harris, you almost had me going. Thanks for the laugh now bugger off." He straightened himself up. He should have known Xander wasn't here to help him.
"I'm not joking, Spike," Xander said seriously. "What better way to make Buffy jealous and realize she does have feelings for you than to be 'dating' one of her closest friends?"
Spike thought about it and then shook his head. "It's insane, it would never work. And if it did it wouldn't work with you."
Xander looked insulted. "What's wrong with me?!"
"Where do I begin?" Spike said with a roll of his eyes. "And that's not what I meant. No one is going to believe we are a couple. You're not gay."
"Ah, but I am bi."
"No, you're bloody not." What was this little shit playing at? The jig was up. Why wasn't he rubbing his feelings for Buffy in his face?
"Yes, I bloody am!" Xander said. His eyes widened when he realized he was mimicking Spike. "Geez Spike, just believe me when I say I want to help you!"
Spike stared at Xander. He wanted to believe him but he hadn't been able to trust anyone in over a century. "When?"
"When what?" Xander asked, taken by the vague question.
"When were you ever with a guy?" Spike expanded the question.
"Oh…" Xander blushed. "There was this guy in high school. Larry. It doesn't matter. All you need to know is that I am bi and willing to help you. You accepting my help or not is completely up to you. No skin off my nose."
Spike paced back and forth. "Let's say we do this. There will be no way Buffy would ever try stealing her best friend's boyfriend."
"Buffy wouldn't steal you away but she would come to me and confess her feelings and then I'll act all hurt but in the end tell her I can't stand in the way because deep in my heart I always knew it was her you wanted and not me. Then she buys me goodies for a month. A win-win for all."
"Hmmm…" Spike liked this plan. "What do you get out of all this?"
Xander shrugged. "If it works and Buffy actually does have feelings for you she gets to be happy. You're not so bad…" He ignored the low growl. "I figure maybe you're due for some happiness and in the end I'm the little cupid that did it all. Also if there is ever a wedding I want to be the best man."
Spike snorted in amusement. "All right. How far are we taking our 'dating'?"
"We have to make it believable so hand holding and kissing is a must. We should probably not call each other names," Xander suggested.
"Won't the others think that is a little suspicious?" Spike asked, worried that the others wouldn't buy the shit they were shoveling. "And what about Buffy? She won't buy this after I tried to kiss her."
Xander slapped Spike across the face. "I can't believe you tried to kiss my best friend!" Xander said with fake anger. He rolled his eyes as Spike growled at him for hitting him. "And then you cuddle up saying that you never meant to hurt me and you were confused and that it was just a one-time thing yada, yada, yada."
"You're not as dumb as I thought you were," Spike said, smiling. For the first time in a long time he had hope.