Changed
"I think you can do much better than me After all the lies that I made you believe Guilt kicks in and I start to see The edge of the bed Where your nightgown used to be I told myself I won't miss you But I remember What it feels like beside you" -Better Than Me by Hinder
She was vaguely aware of a hand caressing her face as her consciousness flirted with darkness and light.
"Rin...I'm sorry..."
Brown orbs opened slightly to see broken amber, but immediately closed. "Rin!" It hurt.
Reality hurt.
'He and I are expecting...'
'I don't want you...waste of space...'
The dream world she was locked into seemed lucid and real; but pain free.
'Oh how easy it would be to just fade away...'
What was her brain trying to show her?
"Where's Sess...?"
She could hear the strangled gulp from Kagome. "With...her."
Oh...
'Ill erase your pity existence!'
Why wasn't Rin dead?
Several hours later, she awoke to see a dimly lit room with grey walls. He sat in a hunched over position near her right side.
"I just wanted to take care of you...put you on a pedestal...where no one could harm you..." His voice cracked near the end as he covered his eyes with a pale hand.
"Like this, a piece of glass?" She motioned to the large vase of beautiful roses sat upon the window sill.
His eyes widened as he moved to gaze at her form. "It's not the same."
She raised an eyebrow. "Isn't it? Why do all of these things mean so much to you now?"
His eyes shot open . "They're irreplaceable-you are irreplaceable to me."
A smile threatened to break her calm composure.
"But they are. You taught me that. I hope she makes you happy. I don't even know why you decided to take it upon yourself to see if I was even alive."
She turned away from him. "You have no idea what I've been through, Sesshomaru. You have no idea of what I have had to do to keep you safe-" Tears rolled down her cheeks.
"Rin-"
She sat up quickly. "And yet you continue to snoop around behind my back! Instead of talking to me on how you feel, you keep turning away from me! You keep saying, 'I don't want to lose you, I love you!' And yet, I find you with a fucking baby with another woman! Why did you do this to me? What did I ever do to you to deserve this?"
She looked directly into his eyes. "What is wrong with me, Sesshomaru?"
His amber orbs closed as a sigh escaped his lips. Her mouth opened slightly at his reaction.
"Tell me something, Sesshomaru: did you marry me just as a cover up for a scandal you were involved in?"
'What does he have left to lose?' His eyes snapped open. "I cannot lie to you...anymore, Rin. You are my best friend, I-I trust you with everything...but I...yes, I did marry you for the sake of convenience."
After a long silence, she uttered a strangled "Why?"
"Because you were someone I trust. I could never love a human. Rin, I am incapable of loving; for I am a demon."
Rage burned through her veins. Her hand rose and slapped him right across his face; leaving deep red marks behind. She paid it no heed.
"I spent every fucking day at your bedside while you were ill! I didn't say a fucking word to anyone of what was going on for the sake of your precious propriety! I forgave you several times after you begged and pleaded that you would change! I never once hit you after you threw me into a god damn vase! I was assaulted by fucking Naraku Onisami and it was I that kept your fucking company together as you were ill! Hell, I'm dying of my disease and I'm still doing the right things!" His eyes remained shocked; his mouth hung open.
"But," she continued, "you do not care. I forgot that you want nothing more in life than personal conquests. I hope you realize one day of what you have lost today: a wife and your best friend. You are both perfect for each other."
His eyes depicted hurt and conflict, but the amber pools hardened. She waited for his cruel remark. "Not what I have lost, but gained." She pulled herself out of the bed.
"Keep thinking like that Mr. Takahashi, and see what life will bring you. Even a demon can love." She opened the door and looked back to observe his sullen form. She waited as if she expected him to suddenly whisk her off her feet, kiss her breathless, and apologize until the ends of the earth for his mistakes. But none came.
"Remember those who love you, Sesshomaru."
She had gotten to the end of the hallway before she collapsed. She looked down. Blood seeped through her abdomen.
"Mrs. Takahashi!"
"Rinera!"
Her gaze turned towards the ceiling, and the skylight grew dark and heavy with rain as if it too shared her remorse.
"This story was not meant to have a happy ending." She whispered as blood dripped from the corners of her mouth.
Pale arms pulled her body against something as her eyes rolled back into her head, and darkness welcomed her with open arms.
When she awoke, the world seemed to have a clarity she had never seen before. She was back home; and as she turned her head towards the massive glass wall of one of the immaculate chambers, gentle light poured into the room.
It was not their room...
Her garden was blooming ever so lovely.
"Mrs. Takahashi? Mr. Takahashi sends his regrets that he cannot be here for when you have awakened, but a hot meal is prepared for you when you wish to eat."
Rin nodded. "Thank you. You are dismissed."
She rose from her bed as soon as the maid left. She straightened her bathrobe and moved to her bathroom.
The woman in the mirror shocked her.
Long ebony hair was in a complete disray, and crazy chocolate orbs were bright with life. Almost...vibrant. Not...sick. A long scar marred her abdomen, but other than that, the sickness all marks had perished-including the mate mark.
A gasp tore itself from her throat, but she remained silent. This may be her last morning in this house.
She took her time with her morning routine, as if she wished to condone it into memory. She had just finished applying her make up when a soft knock jarred her from her pondering.
"Mrs. Takahashi? Mr. Takahashi has requested your presence when you are ready." She turned to see an almost petrified maid hiding against her door.
"And where am I to meet him?"
"The gardens, ma'am."
"Thank you. You are dismissed."
She sauntered calmly from her rooms. A small pale fist had formed at her side, but as she neared the dark gates, she gave in to her fate. He sat upon one of the granite benches underneath a Sakura tree; staring contemplatively into the gentle waters of the koi pond.
He was not prepared for her arrival.
"Sesshomaru." His name was spoken monotonously.
He had ruined her.
Regret washed over him relentlessly.
He deserved everything he would get for consequences.
Brown orbs locked into torn golden. His tears tormented her resolve. The demon gently stood up and took her petite hands into his own.
"Rin...I...I do not know how to begin to...tell you how sorry I am for everything...I-"
"Sess..." She pulled him into an embrace, even though she would pay for it later. He tightened the embrace.
"I'm not good for you...I never was. It was I who am not worthy of you. You can do much better than me, Rin." She pulled back to look into his face.
"And what is to become of...us?"
The question thickened wire around them as if it were dead weight.
After much silence, he spoke. "I am going to set you free. I will take responsibility for my mistakes. And you, you will be able to go anywhere or do anything with anyone you wish. I shall give you a sum each month so you do not have to worry about any other commodities."
Her pain threatened to rip her under. "And what of...Kagura?"
"She is in prison. The child was not mine. It was Naraku's. When you were ill, I-I went crazy. I made illogical decisions rather than supporting you; and for that, I deeply apologize. I hope you find happiness in your future, Rin."
He turned to pull away from her, but hands yanked him back.
"You told me that you were not good enough for me. Marriage is supposed to be a relationship where two partners love and care for one another-and this means not giving up when times get tough. I've thought about everything, and I'm willing to give you another chance, but you will have to earn my trust." She spoke into his ear gently.
She pulled back to look into his eyes. "I love you, Sesshomaru."
The demon's eyes grew wide. Lips crashed down upon hers as hands pulled her closer.
"As I you, Rin. I love you." He murmured against her lips. He was determined to spend the rest of their lives making it up to her. He held her heart, and she, his soul.