"They're demolishing it anyway!" shouted Joker, reading the paper in Arkham a few days later. "They're spending taxpayers money to knock down Joker's Wild, when I was gonna do it all for free! And they lock me up in here for trying to provide a public service! I tell ya, it's like the whole world's gone mad!" he growled, throwing the paper down on the floor.
"Time's up," said Crane, holding up the timer. "Let's pass the IQ tests in for grading now."
"Why bother?" sighed Tetch, handing him his. "It's just going to be another tie."
"Look who's Mr. Optimistic," said Nygma. "Now that I'm back in full health, I know I'm going to win."
"Full health except for your shiner there, huh, Eddie?" chuckled Joker, coming over to them. "Here's mine," he said, tossing a paper at Crane.
"Yours?" repeated Crane. "Nobody invited you to participate in…"
"Yeah, and not inviting people to do stuff is really rude, Craney," interrupted Joker, nodding. "I swiped one outta your game box earlier, and I finished way before you losers did, so I was reading the newspaper until you were done. I just wanna have written proof that I'm smarter than you lamewads. Y'know, something you can hold up in a court of law, in case it ever comes to that."
"Oh, just score his test," muttered Nygma. "It might be amusing to see how badly he does in comparison to all of us. This is a man who, what, maybe passed the fourth grade?"
"What's the one where you learn fractions?" asked Joker. "I vaguely remember learning fractions. 2/5 is the maximum amount of blood you can lose before you die…I think that's the only one I remember. I ain't so good with facts and figures. I'm more of a creative thinking type, y'see."
"Of course you are," said Crane, sarcastically. "I must say, marking tests again like this takes me back to my days as a teacher. It's not at all a pleasant memory," he sighed, picking up his pen.
About forty-five minutes later, Crane was staring aghast at the results in front of him. "It's not possible!" he murmured. "It's just…not possible!"
"Are you done?" asked Nygma, coming over to him.
"No, I just need to…double check all these answers," he said hastily, covering up the tests. "Maybe the answer key is wrong. That's a possible explanation…"
"A possible explanation for what?" asked Tetch, joining them.
Crane gulped, and then handed them the Joker's test. "He's…beaten us," he murmured, quietly. "By one question each."
"No!" said Nygma, vehemently, grabbing the paper away from him and flipping through it. "It's not possible! The man's an utter moron!"
"I think the test is probably wrong," agreed Tetch. "Faulty. Misprinted, perhaps."
"But we've got all of the other answers right," said Crane. "I…I don't understand. It just can't be correct!"
"So boys, what's the result?" asked Joker, appearing suddenly and smiling.
"The result is…" began Crane.
"Incorrect!" snapped Nygma. "Somehow. I've…I've just got to figure out how, and I can. I can, I'm smarter than him, I can figure this out!" he said, gradually getting more hysterical as he compared the Joker's test to the answer sheet.
"Oooh, did I win the game?" chuckled Joker.
"It's not a game!" roared Nygma. "And you didn't win it! It's a test, and I always score highest on tests! Always! This can't be right! This can't be! It's not possible! It's wrong!"
"Well, the truth can't be wrong, can it, Eddie?" chuckled Joker.
"How did you do it?" shouted Nygma. "Tell me how you did it! You cheated somehow – how did you do it?! How?! Tell me!"
"Calm down, Edward…" began Tetch.
"I won't calm down!" shrieked Nygma. "This man is not smarter than me! He's not! It's not possible! He's not!"
The guards came to restrain Nygma and take him back to his cell. "Wow, somebody needs to get a life," sighed Joker, taking the test back. "I'll just keep this, thanks, Craney. Y'know, just in case anyone ever needs proof that I'm smarter than you losers. See ya around!"
"Did you win, puddin'?" asked Harley, as the Joker entered her cell, giggling to himself.
"I did, pooh," he said, kissing her cheek. "Like I told the guys before, it ain't how much you know," he said, pulling a photocopy of the test answer sheet out of his pocket. "But how you use it!"
"Well, I suppose IQ tests aren't the be all and end all of intelligence testing," sighed Tetch. "And their accuracy is frequently debated in academic circles."
"Don't try to make me feel better, Jervis," muttered Crane.
"Oh, do try to cheer up, Jonathan," said Tetch, shrugging. "So the man may score higher on an IQ test. So what?"
"I've always prided myself on my intelligence," muttered Crane. "It's the one thing I like about myself. But the Joker's just proven that he's smarter than me, and he has the girl I adore. I'm struggling to find a positive in all this."
"Well, he doesn't have our friendship," said Tetch, clapping him on the back. "And isn't that a wonderful thing?"
Crane stared at him. "I'm going to go dream about Harley," he muttered, heading back to his cell.
"I'll have tea ready at six," called Tetch. "Don't be late!"
"No, I won't, Jervis!" he called back, unable to suppress a smile. No matter how bad things got for him, he always had Jervis. And that was more of a comfort to him than he would ever have imagined.
The End