Part II: Adventures in Scooby Sitting...
Just a short while before that strangled scream of outrage...
Faith the Vampire Slayer was disgruntled.
Okay, so maybe she hadn't been, like, completely sympathetic to Buffy's diatribe on Xander and Cordelia having wild screaming sex on a public bench while they were vamp sitting. For 'not completely sympathetic', read: 'not at fucking all'. As in, "Gee, Buffy, maybe if you'd actually get laid once in awhile, you wouldn't be such a prissy tight ass."
Maybe the prissy tight ass thing was a bit over the top?
Faith paused to reflect for a moment.
Nnnnaaaaaahhh...
She blew a mental raspberry at that idea.
Okay, so it wasn't exactly the most diplomatic thing to say. Didn't justify Buffy freaking flaking out on her midway through every patrol so far, vanishing, and leaving fucking Faith to finish up. As in, patrolling miles and miles of freaking Sunnydale on foot, alone.
Yeah. You heard that right. Miles and miles. Docks, bus station, bars, cemeteries, and all three school grounds.
A town of thirty nine freaking thousand isn't tiny, don't care what snide cracks B makes about a 'one Starbucks town' and 'we so don't have much town'. Bite. My. Ass. Bitch. That many people along a coastline sprawls out over a lot of area from one end to another.
And it wasn't Faith's fault she dozed off while Wolf Sitting for Xander and Cordy and Will. Faith didn't flat give a fuck what Giles thought: Wolf Boy did not pick the freaking lock, climb out the open window, go out and kill a few people, sneak back in, and lock himself back in his cage. Nuh uh, no how, no way. Not.
It didn't fucking matter that Faith, ah... threw a blanket over the book cage front and, ah, relieved some tension until she was exhausted. Man, after watching the Xander and Cordy show... she'd had, ah, unresolved sexual tension to freaking burn, baby.
Wolf Boy didn't go nowhere. The damned blanket hadn't even moved.
Which, of course, the little red head and Cordy freaking proved with their detective act. But did Faith get an apology? Noooo.
She just got the memory of being yelled at, well, snarked at in a disappointed sounding dry British voice, and the joy of trying to nail Oz with a tranq while not being eaten in the bad way.
Sigh. At least Cordelia and Xander had been appreciative. And Willow. Hell, Cordy even pointed out that it wasn't likely that Oz snuck out and back in before the detectiving.
Pausing near the cafeteria, Faith watched curiously as the Xander and Cordy in question glanced around hurriedly, and then headed pell mell for a stairwell leading up to the next floor, arm in arm. She grinned. Good for them. At least someone was getting fucked in the good way.
Rather than bent over dry by the universe.
Faith flicked her gaze about until it landed on one of the hall clocks. Yup. Around a bit less than a half hour to the end of lunch period. Good time to catch the Giles in and hopefully alone and have a confab.
Reaching the library finally, Faith put a hand on the door handle, and then paused thoughtfully. After a moment, she nodded to herself. Raising up on her toes, she looked in carefully through one of the little windows from the side, being careful not to expose herself to view.
Ayup.
Buffy and Giles were both there. And Buffy was gesturing with great animation while pacing back and forth. Obviously worked up as all get out about something.
Faith couldn't catch any details. Just the tone of voice. Buffy was pissed.
And... fuck that noise. Sideways and without lube.
Lowering herself back down, she turned her back to the wall beside the door, and folded her arms across her chest. Naw. Oh, hell no.
Faith thought about the whole thing for a bit. On the one hand, she really would kinda like to talk to the Watcher. On the other hand... Buffy in a snit over something.
Faith was getting to where she'd just about had enough of B in the last couple a days to last the rest of her stay in Sunnydale.
With a decisive nod, Faith turned away from the library and ambled back down the hall in the direction she'd come in from. And, okay... now what?
Back to her dingy motel and malfunctioning TV? Aw, screw that. Go wander around town and see what was up?
Naw. Saw enough of the sights of the town the last few nights.
Huh. Glancing at the stairwell, she dithered a moment, and then brightened.
Suddenly, a loud, harsh, outraged and agonized sounding feminine "WHAT?!" came drifting down the stairwell to where Faith was dithering.
Followed not very long after by the very same female voice saying clearly, "If I don't get something in me, Xander," (beat) "And right now, I'm going to beat you to death with this desk."
Faith's eyes widened. Oh, holy crap. She shoved the edge of her fisted hand in her mouth and bit down on a knuckle trying to stifle laughter. Hard.
What the fuck?
Faith got her laughing fit under control, somehow, and started up the stairs. Practically staggering from the effort involved in trying to walk, breathe, and snicker at the same time, but starting up them nonetheless...
Right about the time a faint male "Eeep!" came drifting down followed by Cordelia's frustrated sounding voice practically yelling, "Get. Your. Pants. Off. Jerk. Wad. And fuck me."
Oh, God... Faith practically fell and rolled back down the stairs laughing.
Oh, what the fuck, again.
Cordy and Xander were proving to be more entertaining than anything else around this burg.
Meanwhile, back at the porn interlude...
Xander stopped with his hardon in hand, staring down at his girlfriend incredulously.
"The football team?" he said, his tone wounded. "Ouch. That hurts, Cordy."
"Xaaannnndddeerrrr?"
"Huh?" Xander blinked, looking down. "Oh, yeah. Horny girlfriend. Impending death. Right."
"A very slow impending death, if my dumb ass boyfriend doesn't get with the program," Cordelia said, glaring up at him.
Doing his very best to keep his lips from twitching like they even wanted to smile, Xander moved in closer and edged his hips up to the gates of paradise, so to speak. Or maybe salvation, at the moment... his.
Cordy looked like she was lethally serious about this whole thing.
Wow. And incredibly gorgeous and turned on. Man. Xander wondered if she knew just how she looked: clothing disarrayed, falling out of her bra, skirt rucked up around her waist, face flushed down to the tops of her tits, eyes wild, breasts heaving, breath coming in little pants, pupils dilated all the way...
And a little trail of drool out of the corner of her half open mouth.
He also wondered if she realized she still had her legs up and wide open with an ankle in each hand. She looked more like a porn star right now than actual porn stars Xander had watched.
Before she could make good on her threats to dismember him and, ah, take her services elsewhere (Hey, humor was great, but let's not be a complete idiot, Harris), Xander leaned in and placed the engorged head of his cock at the lips of Cordelia's soaking wet folds.
Okay, so maybe Cordy wasn't the only one who was about to have death by sexual frustration.
That teasing session had pretty much worked Xander up to the explosion point without him quite realizing it. He shuddered all over and groaned loudly as he felt the moist lips of Cordelia's pussy slide over the glans.
"Oh, guh... " Cordelia said, her eyes closing. "Please... "
Xander ran the head of his cock, now thoroughly slick with precum and dribbling a bit of it out the end, along the folds of Cordelia's lower lips up to the top of her slit, and then back down again to the entrance. She gasped, arched her back, and stiffened all over with her legs quivering.
Leaning forward until he could brace one hand on the top of the desk Xander positioned himself and moved his hips slightly, sheathing the tip of his cock inside of Cordelia.
She gave a harsh little shriek and bucked her hips, hard. And then shrieked again, and began bucking them in earnest with her abdomen undulating.
"Oh... unhn... oh, Guh! Unhh... enn enn enn... hnnn... " Cordelia's eyes squeezed shut to tight little slits and tears leaked out of the corners as she began panting in little gasps.
Placing his other hand flat on the desk beside Cordelia's right shoulder, Xander jerked his hips forward, seating himself all the way up to the hilt inside of his girlfriend in one fast stroke –
– And promptly damned near passed out.
"Oooooooouuuuuaaaahhhhhh OH! Uh! Uuuuunnnggghhhnnnn!" Cordelia convulsed under him and damned near broke in half. "Oh, Guhg! Ah... Xander!"
"Guh." Xander found himself somehow lying all the way forward on his elbows with his hands buried in Cordelia's hair, black spots dancing all over his vision – and with no idea how or when he got to that position. And the entire length of his aching cock buried up inside of the most incredible feeling tight wetness he thought he'd ever felt.
With the hot wet Cordelia wrapped around that tight wetness going into convulsions under him and making little "Hnn hnn hnn hnn oh hhnnn!" sounds in her throat and wriggling for all she was worth with her ankles drawn back to her ears.
"Oh, great sweet Googledy and all of the Googlebys," Xander said, or maybe just thought he did. "Heavens to fucking Murgatroyd and all of the sweet fucking sex demons."
Cordelia nodded so hard just under his face that she looked like a bobblehead doll and said something that sounded like, "Uh huhhhhh... oh, Guh yes!" and convulsed again.
Xander hadn't even moved in and out of her yet.
He was afraid to. He might die.
Make for one hell of an obit in the school newspaper, though.
Sweet blithering Gee-sus. If Percy had waited a bit, he wouldn't have had to ask if Xander was screwing Cordelia. He'd have heard them.
Oh, God. He really really hoped that Snyder let him cum first before he burst in and expelled them both.
Meanwhile, enroute towards the porn interlude...
At the top of the stairs and finally out at the entrance to the hallway, Faith stopped, panting and trying to catch her breath.
Day-um. The dribblets and snippets of dialogue coming from whatever room that was happening in damned near had made Faith lose it and fall down the stairs a few times.
Death by laughing her ass off. How embarrassing.
Jesus H. Christ, that girl had a mouth on her.
And man oh man – she was a screamer, too.
Faith wondered just how in the hell those two had managed to be going at it like this for any length of time without having teachers, the Principal, the Sunnydale PD, and emergency services burst in on them with the jaws of life looking around wildly going, "Whut? Whut?"
And just how Buffy had managed to be oblivious to the whole, "We're having sex, Buffy!" thing for any length of time.
Okay, so where... aha!
Faith's eyes narrowed.
Y'know, if she was a suspicious sort of gal, she'd almost suspect that Cordelia and Xander were screwing each other's brains out right about over there.
Inside the room that had the little cluster of nerdy looking guys huddled around the door, peeking in at the edges of the window.
One of 'em with a camera.
Faith shook her head, her lips twitching mightily.
Okay. This outta be fun.
Wery wery quietly. We're hunting geeklets!
She carefully edged up the hallway toward the little clusterfuck, moving on cat feet. Heh. She coulda stomped up beating a snare drum and with a full marching band behind her – she didn't think that any of the enthralled teens peeking in on the festivities woulda noticed.
When she finally got to about eight feet behind them, Faith straightened, folded her arms across her chest, and put on her best stern expression.
And said, "Ahem!"
More fun than throwing a packet of lit firecrackers into the middle of a police station.
Geeklets jumped about six feet in the air all over the place, letting out various noises that varied between "Eep!" or "Bleek!" and "Squeap!"
Then landed and spun around to face her, all wide eyed, trembling and pale.
Faith was pretty certain that going by the sound effects inside, Xander and Cordelia had never ever even noticed.
Drawing down her eyebrows in her very best and most ferocious scowl, Faith eyed all of them with a glower that she copied line for line from her poor, late Watcher. And unfolded one arm and pointed down the hallway while tapping her foot and holding the other hand up with a finger held across her lips in a "Shh!" gesture.
They all nodded like their heads were on pivots, turned around, and promptly bolted head on into each other.
Just like a Three Stooges rerun. Faith damned near croaked from the effort of not busting out in hysterics.
Getting her face under control with a massive effort, Faith managed to not quite turn inside out laughing as the little cluster fuck got itself straightened out and mostly aimed in the same direction. They began edging carefully away from the door, heading backwards down the hall while watching her carefully.
Deepening her frown, Faith said, "Ahem!" again while pointing at the tallest geek, the one dressed kinda like a Goth and holding the camera.
He froze, his eyes growing even wider, while his buddies abandoned ship and bolted.
Faith slowly raised an eyebrow, and pointed at the camera. Then she snapped her fingers and held her hand out, palm up, and wriggled her fingers in the universal, "Gimme" sign.
He looked horrified at her and clutched the camera to his chest.
Faith arched both eyebrows and rolled her eyes in an, "Oh, come on, dude," look that no one on Earth could have mistaken for anything else, and said, "Ahem!"
Sighing and looking like she just ate his puppy, he hung his head and trudged over and placed the camera in her open hand.
Faith pointed down the hall after the others, and he turned and trudged slowly and sadly away after them.
Rolling her eyes again, Faith snickered and went over to the door the guys had just abandoned. Ah. The shade was a bit warped. There was about a half inch at the bottom on one side that wasn't covered up, and a gap on the right side.
Out of sheer curiosity – and, of course, to make sure she had the right room... yeah, that's the ticket – she looked in through the crack where the pulled down shade didn't quite cover.
Day-um.
Gonna have to get this film developed.
The bell went off, signaling the end of lunch and students began to mill through the halls. Snickering, Faith shook her head, turned around and planted her back against the wall next to the door, and prepared to guard that section of hallway against all comers.
So to speak.
Meanwhile, back in the classroom...
Oh, dear God.
Finally, Xander managed to recover enough that he thought he might be able to move. At least the area between his knees and his waist, anyway.
Not that he'd really needed to so far.
Which was, uh, kind of the problem. Not that it was really a problem in the problem sense of the word...
Making little whining ennh ennh ennh oh ohhh ennnh sounds low in her throat, with her eyes squeezed tightly shut, Cordelia had been moving enough for both of them. Xander hadn't managed to even draw back and thrust in since he nearly passed out on entry...
With her flat stomach and lower abs undulating, and her hips swiveling and jerking like a mink on amphetamines, Cordelia had been pretty effectively stroking herself up and down the length of him without Xander's real participation. If this kept up, he'd build up and make like Mount St. Helens without ever needing to twitch.
Oh, dear God in heaven. What the hell did he do to her with that little verbal foreplay session?
And how could he bottle it and sell it?
Maybe he could teach seminars. If he could ever figure out what the hell it was and repeat it...
Xander knew one thing for certain, though: he was never ever going to do phone sex with his girlfriend. Not if she got worked up to the point where she was going to drop the phone and run to his house and jump him. Or the first vaguely male shaped object she hit on the way...
He really, really didn't think that Randall Chase would appreciate it if he happened to be the first thing his lust crazed daughter hit on the way out of her room on her way to Xander's...
His own eyes squeezing shut, Xander drew in a long shuddering breath and pulled back out nearly to the tip.
Cordelia's hands left her ankles and locked onto his shoulders as she arched up and back nearly in a bow with a long, drawn out hiss of indrawn breath.
She left bloody claw marks all the way down his back as he slid back in, and made the kind of sound that a coyote makes when a car hits it.
"Oh, G-g-guh-God, Xander! What the hell did you j-ju-just do?"
"Uhhh... " Xander would have shrugged if he could have spared the energy or the attention span. He had zero clue. He drew back again and jerked his hips forward –
"Aaauuuiiiiiooooohhh... ungh! Ungh! Ungh!" Cordelia's eyes went crazed and glazed, and her ankles locked together behind Xander's neck and nearly strangled him.
"C-c-cuh-Cordyyy!"
It came out kind of choked sounding. Fancy that.
"Wha-wha-wha... ?"
"C-ca-can't b-bre-breathe!"
"Ohhh... uhhh... uh huh... "
Oh, great. He really was gonna earn himself that place in that obituary column in the school newspaper.
Saint Pete probably had that chute down greased by now, and labeled with Xander's name on it.
With a monumental effort, Xander arched his back and neck and managed to break Cordelia's ankle lock before he asphyxiated. Or mostly. He got enough looseness between her ankles and calves to draw breath, anyway. Thank God.
She muttered something that sounded vaguely like, "S-s-suh-srrry" and went back to swiveling her hips and grinding her crotch into him. She did move her ankles to either side of his shoulders, though. Her heart was in the right place.
Hey, don't garrote your boyfriend in mid thrust. It gets you talked about in the locker room in all the worst ways...
Finally drawing in enough air that the black edges retreated from the edges of his vision, Xander shook his head dazedly and managed to lean backward. Straightening up, he took hold of a slim ankle in each hand, and held them up – and away from his freaking neck.
Jeeze. His girlfriend was deadly even when she didn't mean to be.
Pulling back about half way, Xander shoved his hips forward, thrusting into Cordelia up to the pubic hair. She convulsed again, and buried her fingernails in his biceps as a kind of a strangled squawk came out of her and her eyes bugged out.
After a moment, he did it again. And again. And again, picking up speed on each repetition until he was working in and out at a steady rhythm...
Xander had a vague sense that the Fifth period bell may have rung at some point, awhile back now, but you couldn't prove it by him. Less than vague. Could have been his ears ringing. No worries. They had the full period as a free.
Sunnydale blindness. That had to be it.
That was the only explanation that the back of Xander's mind came up with for why the sounds coming out of Cordelia's throat didn't have every teacher, student, and janitor on all four floors of Sunnydale High clustered around the door wondering who was being murdered inside the old Life Sciences classroom.
Hell. For all he knew, they might be out there. Along with every cop, paramedic, and fireman in Sunnydale – afraid to come in:
"You go in and check it out!"
"Fuck you! YOU go in!" (beat) "I'll cover you."
"I'm not going in there! It sounds horrible!"
Xander shook his head, continuing to pump into Cordy's tight and incredibly slippery self while marveling at the way the motion and impacts made her full breasts jump up and down on her ribcage with each stroke. Wow. And marveling at the way she'd gone completely nonverbal... just making little gasping and mewling sounds on each stroke.
Okay, uh, not so little. Really loud gasping and mewling sounds.
Heh. As if she was the only one. Xander doubted he could form a word on a bet right now.
After what seemed like an hour, and couldn't possibly have been – Xander figured he would have died of heart failure long before that amount of time had passed – he felt a slow pressure building up down in his balls.
When it finished building and the dam burst, he gave an agonized grunt, buried himself into Cordelia up to the base of his cock, threw back his head with his eyes squeezed shut – and howled like Hyena Boy had repossessed him.
And then his nuts turned inside out and crawled all the way up inside of his abdominal cavity and died. Or felt like it.
Everything went black.
"Guh."
Xander came to lying on top of a twitching Cordelia with his lips melded to hers and his head spinning, breathing harshly and wondering what the fuck hit him.
"Ggnnnhh... Xander?" Cordelia somehow managed to form actual words, into his lips. Xander was impressed.
"What, Cordy?" he said. It came out more along the lines of "Wribble nrgg?"
"Uh huh."
Screw it. Words could wait until he evolved back into something capable of walking upright and using fire again.
Outside in the hall...
"Oh. My. God."
Faith's eyes were as wide as saucers and had been for the past fifteen minutes. Or longer. She'd lost track.
At the point where she'd heard, "C-ca-can't b-bre-breathe!" from in there, she'd given up any pretense of not looking in and practically broke in half turning to glue her eye to the crack between the shade and the window frame. More than half afraid she was going to have to burst in and do CPR on someone... which would suck, since she didn't know any CPR.
And then she'd been unable to move.
The hell? Did they put something in the water here? And was she drinking from the wrong damned fountains? Sheesh!
Naw. Couldn't be.
Buffy obviously hadn't been laid in years.
Finally, when Cordelia screamed and sank her claws into Harris' sides and left a bloody trail down them, and Xander howled and then collapsed on top of her, Faith managed to wrench her gaze away and turned back from the window. And put her back to the wall again, breathing hard with her knees shaking.
Damn!
She shook her head. And again, damn! Uh... was everyone in this school completely oblivious?
Faith had expected to have teachers and school security, if any, pouring out of every door and stairwell craning to see what was going on and who was getting dicked to death and where. In full riot gear.
Not. A. Peep.
The Hellmouth. That had to be it. Faith was immune because she'd just gotten here. She hadn't caught whatever awareness deadening effect it was putting out yet. She should ask the Watcher about that.
Uh... no way in Hell.
She was not gonna have to explain to freaking Giles exactlywhat it was that brought her attention to the fact that people around here were deaf, dumb, blind, and stupid.
Faith snickered, shaking her head. Damn. She was gonna have to buy a vibrator. Her wrist and fingers were never going to hold up at this rate.
She also made a solemn vow at that moment that she was gonna do whatever it took to make sure she became Cordelia Chase's bestest friend ever.
Back inside and on the desk...
"Glub," Xander said, shaking his head slowly.
He was vaguely aware that his dick was still buried up to the hilt in wet Cordelia Chase, and that every minute or so it would twitch, pulse, and attempt to shoot out yet another spurt that just didn't exist in his nuts any longer.
He should probably pull out and do something about that.
Naw. Fuck it. It was nice and warm and comfortable in there. He thought maybe he'd just lie here and twitch and dry spurt for awhile.
Like, uh, until Monday...
"Uh huh," Cordelia said, her voice sounding kind of woozy and dreamy. After a long minute or two, she blinked lazily and added, "This desk is cutting into my ass."
"I'd pull out and move," Xander offered, blinking down at her, "If I had bones."
"Uh huh," Cordelia again, nodding slowly.
A long, long moment later, she opened her eyes a tiny bit more and said in a kind of a plaintive tone of voice, "Just what the hell did you do to me, Xander?"
"Gummana wha?" Xander blinked again, waiting a long while for the words to percolate through and actually register in a sensible fashion. Then... "Me?! What did I do?"
"Uh huh. Yeah, that," Cordelia said, seriously and kind of huskily. "Not that I'm complaining, God no but... whu... "
"Uh... Cordy... " Xander shook his head again, pulling back from just touching her lips to far enough to look into her eyes without them blurring on him. "All I did was pick you up, carry you over here, and talk to you."
"Oh. Okay," she said, biting at her lower lip and nibbling on it. After another long minute, she reached up and grabbed him by a handful of hair on either side of his head, her eyes going wide and wild and kinda panicky looking.
Xander winced and gave her a pained look, and a loud, "Ow!"
She let go hastily and said, "Uh, sorry?" Then she added, with complete dead seriousness to her voice and with her eyes unfocused on his, "Xander. If I ever catch you talking to another girl, ever, I'll rip out her heart with my bare hands and then yours."
Xander blinked at her, his eyes going wide, and then he sniggered, and slowly started laughing. She looked up at him in wide eyed, wounded incomprehension until he finally managed to recover enough breath to gasp out, "I promise, Cordelia. I will never, ever talk to any girl but you. Not ever."
"Good."
A minute or so later, her gaze cleared, and her eyes widened even further, and then she giggled and started to guffaw herself.
"Oh. My. God... I didn't mean like, talking talking... "
"I know what you meant, Cordy," Xander said, giggling back at her.
It got to be too much effort to hold his head up fully, so he let it slowly droop forward until his lips hit hers and melted into them.
"We're going to have to get up eventually," Cordelia said, once they finally broke apart and came up for air. Her lips just brushed against his with every word. It was the most incredibly cute and sensual thing he'd ever felt. "Because I have to pee," she added.
"Ah. And the romance is derailed by bodily functions once again," Xander murmured. He nodded, looking at her seriously. "Go ahead. I don't mind."
Cordelia stared at him, looking appalled. Xander ran that back through his mind again, slowly, and decided that he could see where the appalled look came from...
"Xander! Eeww!" Cordelia put her hands against his chest and gave him a half hearted shove, and then fell back gasping. After a minute, she started laughing and that was all it took for him to collapse into laughter on top of her.
"I'll move," he promised, once he could stop laughing long enough and breathe again. "Just gimme a minute. And a construction crane."
"I know." Cordelia shook her head as Xander managed to raise himself up on one arm and hold there, swaying a bit dizzily. "Wow. Good God. The hell was that? And what the hell happened?"
Xander looked down at her, struggling to formulate a complex thought and concepts into words that would actually make it through his melted brain and out of his mouth. Finally, he managed: "We had sex."
Cordelia gave him a blankly incredulous and disbelieving look. "No. Really?"
Xander moved his shoulders helplessly in something that approximated a shrug.
Cordelia squeaked when that moved him inside of her, her eyes bulging slightly and crossing, and then shook her head, and said, speaking very slowly, as if to the mentally challenged, "Xander. We've had sex. I remember it. It was good. No... a lot of it was great. That wasn't it."
Xander struggled a bit more, and said, "No. I mean: we just had the greatest and most mind blowingly intense sexual experience of my life sex, sex. Maybe several people's lives."
"Oh. Okay," Cordelia said, nodding slowly. "Let's do it again. Often."
Xander stared at her like she was insane. Maybe she was. He drove her crazy with the power of dick... no. Not possible. "Let's wait a little while, huh? Please?"
"I don't mean now, Xander." Cordelia sighed dreamily. "But soon."
"Oh. Okay."
After a moment's pause, she raised her head and gave a puzzled frown, looking down, and added, "And why are you still holding my underwear?"
"Uh... " Xander raised his right hand and looked at it. Uh huh. A pair of lacy white panties, still looped over his hand with his fore and middle fingers through the leg hole. He raised it up farther, examining them curiously.
"If you sniff them, I'm leaving... "
Xander gave her an outraged look, and shook his head. "Naw. Was thinking about wearing them." He brought his hand up and draped them carelessly over his head, and grinned, looking down at her with a manic expression and one eye peering through a leg hole.
"Oh... Gawd."
Cordelia's eyes went saucer wide and then she fell back onto the desk. Her head hit the wood with a thump and she started giggling hysterically.
"Hey, they're not only pretty – they're comfy!"
"Oh, Gawd!" Cordelia whooped, and then brought her hands up, shoving at his chest. "That does it – get off of me, Doofus!"
"Sure."
Bringing his right hand back down, Xander got it planted on the desk, and raised himself up using both arms and a strenuous effort. He managed to slide back, pulling out of Cordelia with a moist sound – which made both of them giggle harder – and then rolled onto his side and off of her, unable to get completely up.
Cordelia wrapped her arms across her stomach, and whooped again. "Oh. My. God. You have claw marks all over you. We're a mess, Xander."
"Yeah." Xander sighed and reached up and pulled the panties off of his head. He examined them curiously again. Wow. They really were pretty.
Not really a thong... he wasn't sure what you would call them. They had scalloped top edges, a floral lace pattern in front, and a narrow sheer back that he figured would probably work their way in and almost vanish into the cleft between Cordelia's cheeks after a bit of wear. And they were cut down from high on the hips in a rounded V shape to dip in to just over her landing strip... nice.
With a tiny pink bow at the middle of the very front.
"What do you call these, anyway," he asked, curiously.
"Underwear." After a moment, Cordelia turned her head and blinked sleepily at him. "I'm not sure what that cut is called, exactly."
"Ah. Okay."
"Uh... you've seen my underwear before, huh?" Cordelia asked, frowning slightly. "I mean, looked at?"
"Well, yeah," Xander said. "These are really pretty." He frowned back at her. "Have you started wearing much prettier underwear since we started, uh... "
"Boinking like crazed mink?"
"Uh huh. Yeah!" Xander nodded enthusiastically, grinning.
"Well, yeah, kinda," Cordelia said. She frowned again. "But I always wore nice things. You didn't notice?"
"Well, yeah, kinda," Xander said, frowning still. "But we almost always made out in the dark before."
"Oh."
After several more long minutes, Cordelia groaned and raised herself up onto her elbows. "We really need to get up," she said. Then... "I'm not sure I can move."
"Bones."
Cordelia looked at him curiously, and Xander elaborated. "I figured it out: we need to evolve bones first." He paused thoughtfully. "And then fire and walking upright, I think."
Cordelia nodded slowly. "Right. We'll start with bones, first." She eased back until she was lying flat on the desk again. "In a minute."
Back out in the hallway...
Time had passed. And then more time. And then even a bit more.
Which, honestly had kinda puzzled Faith. She had figured, considering that Slayer hearing had caught most of the, ah... post whatever the fuck it was called, ah... end of sex convo between her two now very favorite people in all of Sunnydale, that they'd be pulling clothes on and ambling out here pretty shortly. Evidently not.
"It was quiet," Faith intoned just under her breath. "Too quiet. A deathly hush had fallen over the still desert night. Somewhere out there, a barn owl farted." Did SoCal even have barn owls? Uhh... Faith shrugged mentally. Who knew. Who cared? They did now...
"After the ungodly howling and screeching sounds in the distance had finally died off, the Scoobies knew that it was only a matter of time... " Faith snickered under her breath. Struck by inspiration, she continued, again, still softly. "Finally, Willow peered out into the darkness with her eyes wide. 'Wow,' she said, 'I wonder what that was?' Shrugs and blank looks answered her question, for no one else in the little group of intrepid demon hunters had a real response for her. Not even the Watcher. 'It sounded like Cordelia,' Buffy ventured, finally, 'She went all agonizedey on us.' Willow gasped, her hands covering her mouth in horror. 'Great Scott!' said Giles, polishing his glasses, 'That was horrible. I-it almost sounded as though that monster were killing her most horrendously!' Willow nodded with her eyes gone huge: 'I- I think he was eating her!'"
A noise from within the classroom behind her startled Faith, and she jumped straight up, whirling around with her hands up to ward off an attack. And then lowered them, feeling, ah... kinda stupid.
Wicked stupid, as a matter of fact.
The 'noise' was a steady, sporadic, buzz saw kinda rasping drone. Almost sounded like...
Faith stuck her eye to the crack between shade and door frame again. Uh huh. A-yup.
Kinda like a low pitched, raspy male snore now that ya mentioned it.
Apparently, the effort involved in evolving bones had proven to be too much for them. Faith snickered. Aww. Cordy makes little lip smacking sounds when she sleeps. So does Xander. That's so cute. Xander was sprawled out on the desk on his back with his head back and his mouth open. Cordelia had rolled over and was sprawled out across and over him, with a long white nylon clad leg thrown possessively across his hips and her arm over his chest...
And her skirt still rumpled up over her ass around her waist.
Xander had his right arm curled around Cordelia's waist and a pair of white panties dangling from his first two fingers by one leg hole. And his pants still down around his knees.
"Oh. Rats. Okay, so now I'm stuck here," Faith muttered to herself. Great.
Turning away again, Faith planted her back to the wall next to the door frame, and slumped back onto it, rolling her eyes. After a minute, she snickered again and then started laughing quietly. Gotta give Xander some major props. Unlike most guys, he hadn't rolled over immediately and started snoring after an effort like that.
Or gotten up to grab a beer and turn on the TV.
Well, crap. Hell, might as well get comfy.
After a bit, she fell to examining her confiscated camera curiously. Huh. Nice. Professional looking job, almost. More buttons, levers, dials, and knobs than a space shuttle console. Uh... Nikon E2NS.
Holy crap. This thing is digital, whatever the hell that means.
Whatever Faith just pushed, turned, or clicked, it was letting her access the camera's memory. Digital stuff used memory, right? Or had memory, or something like that.
Uh... right. What she knew about 'digital', you could engrave on one of her eyelashes, Faith thought. With room for the Constitution.
Anyway... day-um. The Goth-geek kid hadn't had much time for picture snapping before Faith wandered up and scared thirty years growth off of him, but some of the ones he had snapped were cherce.
Damned good thing for him she wandered up, and snagged the camera...
Cordelia would have gutted him, very slowly, if these had ever hit the light of day or general distribution. Hell, Xander woulda croaked him.
After selecting a few really nice shots to print out and frame.
Once she'd finished figuring out how to page back and forth through the images in the viewfinder display, or whatever it was called, Faith shrugged and looped the carrying strap over her head and around her neck. She went back to examining her prize.
Okay. So... huh. Not really all that different from a 35mm in a lot of ways. Not that Faith had exactly a lot of experience with cameras, but she kinda knew a bit about them. Side benefit of dating a shutterbug once... ah... well, sleeping with a shutterbug once... okay, well, screwing a shutterbug senseless over a period of months.
click pssshew!
Whoa. Cool. Built in flash. And she just got a really nice blurry image of her foot and the surrounding floor...
Grinning, Faith amused herself for a little bit snapping shots of various things in and around the hallway. Whoa. Cooler than shit.
Faith Lehane, girl photog for the Daily, uh, whatever the hell they called the school newspaper around here. Had kind of a nice ring to it.
The sounds of harsh and furtive sounding whispering drew Faith's attention over to the stairwell she'd come up by, and she looked over there, scowling.
Oh. Great. Geek boy apparently wanted his camera back. He brought reinforcements. How sweet.
Sent reinforcements. He hadn't come up himself, 'natch. Different, taller and blonder looking Goth type kid, with a...
Whoa. Really big guy. Probably, uh... over a foot taller than Faith, and more than twice her weight or better. Brown hair, nicely built, blue eyes. Great glare.
Might have been intimidating to anyone else.
After a couple of minutes of hurried and hushed conferencing, the big guy straightened and came marching over to her. Faith gave him a jaundiced looking study from under a raised eyebrow as he stomped up, and then when he was several feet away and starting to open his mouth, put a finger to her lips and said, "Shhh!"
Big Guy blinked at her, kinda startled looking, and opened his mouth and said, "Okay, what do you think you're – "
Faith rolled her eyes and stepped up to him, glaring upward. "I. Said. Shh! What, are you a fucking retard or something?" she whispered fiercely.
Big Guy stepped back hastily, taken all aback and shit. "I- " he lowered his voice hastily at Faith's increased glare, and stage whispered, "Am not retarded! And hey, fun's fun, but I gotta get the camera back. No hard feelings – gimme."
He reached out a hand and Faith smiled sweetly and slapped it away.
"Hey!" Big Guy was slow on the uptake, obviously.
"Sigh. Look, guy," Faith whispered, rolling her eyes again, "I'll give the freaking camera back. After I figure out how to get the images or memory or whatever out of it, 'kay?"
"No! Not okay," the guy whispered back. His eyes narrowed suspiciously, and he whispered, "And why are we whispering, anyway?"
Snerk. Geek Goth apparently didn't tell him why he lost the camera.
"Never mind that," Faith said. "Look – hold still for a moment, 'kay?"
"Ah... huh?" Big Guy blinked down at her, kinda startled looking.
Smiling, Faith stepped up, patted him on the chest – and then took hold of him by a fistful of collar and the belt and grunted, hoisting him up and over her head horizontally. He grunted and said, "Hey!" in a startled and kinda panicky voice.
Faith glared up at him while holding him over her head and whispered fiercely, "Shhh! I mean it!"
She lowered him to top of her head level and then raised him to arm's length. Repeated the process. Several times.
Then she set him back down on his feet, not even breathing hard, and smiled up at him again, patting him once more on the chest. "I'll give back the camera once I get the images out of it. I promise. Any questions?"
"Ah... uh... ah... " Big Guy backed up hastily, all wide eyed and kinda startled looking. He swallowed really, really hard, turned kinda pale like, and whispered fiercely, "But I gotta get the camera back from you."
Wow. At least the boy had a pair.
Not enough brains to pour piss out of a boot, but he had a pair. Faith was impressed.
Cocking her head, she studied him for a moment. Finally, she sighed, pushed her hair back away from her face with both hands, feeling kinda frustrated, and whispered, "Did Geeklet tell you what he and the Four Stooges were shooting when I took his play pretty away?"
"Uh... " the Big Guy shrugged and looked blankly at her. Figures.
Faith rolled her eyes, sighing heavily, and pointed at the window shade – and the space between it and the window frame. After a moment, Big Guy's eyebrows went up and he stepped over, leaned down, and peered inside.
He straightened hastily and backed away.
Whirling around, he fixed the intimidating kinda glare on the other Goth Geeklet, and stage bellowed, err, whispered, "Iverson!"
The new geeklet turned kinda sheet white and stared back with a perfect, "Oh shit!" expression plastered all over his mug, shrugged helplessly –
– And bolted.
Big Guy went after him.
Faith grinned broadly and went back to playing with her camera.
Damn. More entertainment per mile than any four people in this burg. Gonna have to hang around Chase and Harris more often from here on in.
Still out in the hallway: close to the start of Sixth Period...
Okay. This was just cooler than shit. Faith could definitely get a wicked Jones on for this thing.
Considering that she now didn't have much else to do except for guarding the door to the Chamber of Lust, as she'd taken to calling it in her mind, she'd been spending the last twenty minutes or so studying her new camera and playing with the buttons and gizmos. Oh, and checking every once in awhile on her, uh... charges.
Still zonked. Dead to the world. Nailed to the desk. Ex-teenagers. Dee Oh freaking A from sexual overexertion.
Ah, what the hell. Let 'em sleep. The two kids freaking earned it after that.
Jesus Christ on a vibrator. Sorry, J. But, damn. That had sounded intense.
The last time Faith had done anything that intense in the... uh... damn. Faith couldn't remember ever having done anything that intense in the sack. Which was kinda sad, all things considered.
Anyway, screw it. Cordy and Xan would wake up eventually. All Faith had to do was make sure no one walked in on them or busted 'em for it.
Or got a new camera and peeping Tommed them and filmed Cordy's bare ass laid out on the desk. Or anything.
So... huh. She'd figured out how to bring up a little screen of stuff to do, including deleting pics off the memory thing. Which was cool. Not that she'd deleted the handful of pics of Xan and Cordy knocking boots.
Hey, not completely stupid. Faith still wanted prints.
Did mean, though, that she could practice taking photos of crap all up and down the hall and play with the focus and lenses and other dials, knobs, buttons, bells and whistles – and then get rid of her screwups to make room for new ones. Nifty.
A loud clanging noise practically made her jump out of her skin.
Yikes! Recognizing it as the end of class bell was the only thing that kept her from making like Tom from Tom & Jerry and the janitors having to peel her off the ceiling later. All ten claws embedded in the acoustic tiles and puffed up twice her normal size with her hair standing on end. Be freaking embarrassing.
Less than thirty seconds later, while Faith's heart was still coming down out of her throat, doors burst open all up and down the corridor and the hallway flooded with teenagers.
Assuming a casual lean against the doorjamb, Faith went back to playing with her camera while warding off the occasional curious Tom, Dick, or Harry from the not quite empty classroom with a death glare. And, a bit reluctantly, warding off the occasional stud with an eye for 'hey, let's hit on the new babe!'
Okay, more than just a bit reluctant. Faith seriously wanted to get laid at about this point.
And not a single sound of movement or stirring from inside. Man – not even that freaking loud bell woke those two up.
Jeeze. Lotsa kids on this floor. Curious ones – it began to dawn on Faith that she was starting to attract more attention to the door behind her than she was diverting. Uh...
Oh, what the hell. Have props, will travel. When in doubt, act like you belong there and do something.
Anything.
Spotting a vaguely familiar looking blonde strolling down the hall with a bunch of other girls – a hot looking black girl, a gorgeous redhead, a brunette, and another blonde – Faith raised the camera to her eye, stuck the tip of her tongue out of the corner of her mouth and focused carefully. And started shooting.
Huh. Again, kinda vaguely remembered having them pointed out to her on the Scooby School Tour as Cordelia's old posse. Who dumped Cordy when she started dating Xander openly... The main blonde was, uh... Hominy or something. Naw, hominy was grits. Never mind. Then again, California, so who knows?
Dropping to one knee, she aimed on the blonde and whistled loudly. "Hey! Smile, babe! Say cheese!"
Perfect! Caught Hominy in mid turn with her mouth open and a stupefied and annoyed expression.
"What?!"
Uh... a poster on the wall caught the corner of Faith's eye and she called over, "Homecoming committee! Smile for the camera, girl!"
The blonde immediately brightened, as did a couple of the other members of her posse, and began to mug for the camera. Yup. Never fails. Scratch a cheerleader and you'll find a layer of ham three feet thick.
There was a small commotion way down at the other end of the hallway. It caught Faith's attention and she raised an eye from the viewfinder and threw a hasty glance that way. To see kids parting and scattering in a wave like a school of sharks fleeing a killer guppy and...
Oh, shit.
A strutting figure about four and a half feet tall came into view way down there, through the crowds.
Oh, shit, again. A-yup. Big ears, massive scowl, and a bald pate with a fringe of hair over a way, way too expensive looking suit for his job. Looked kinda like Quark from that DS9 show. Principal, uh... Sneedler. Snoodley. Saddler. Snidely.
Oh, who gave a rat's what his name was. The Sunnydale High Principal from Hell.
And Faith was on campus and did not go to his school. With a comatose, half dressed Xander and Cordy passed out in the room behind her. Holding a stolen camera.
Partly filled with incriminating pictures. Dirty ones.
Crap.
Well, now. This just took a sudden turn for the fucked now, din't it?
Okay. Crap. What now?
Call it a day, hey, good try but – see ya! and bolt?
Faith was pretty sure she could spin and hit the stairwell at the other end of the hallway going from zero to flat out in 2.2 seconds from a dead start. No prob. Principal Sneedler would see nothing but a blur in a pair of hip huggers vaporizing.
Naw. Weasel Boy might just decide to check doors and peek into empty classrooms- ayup, he was rattling knobs way down there. So she couldn't just –
Waitaminnit. Why was she running interference for Xander and the Cordy Monster again?
Uhhh...
Faith's mind spun like a slot machine's dials and came up blanks. Never mind that. She'd decided to, and by this point, Faith was kinda like the bacon in a ham and egg breakfast.
Y'know: the chicken being involved in the whole thing, but the pig is committed.
You don't let your buds down.
Faith wasn't sure the two counted as buds, not really – but they were the closest thing she had right now in this town. Which was kinda sad. Still, once they got past the whole Xander drooling over her thing, they'd been fairly decent to her. Yeah yeah: the cheerleader had snooty down to an art form, but she'd thawed considerably over the past several days.
Hey, getting your brains fucked out regularly will do that to ya.
And hey more: if Principal Smedley caught them ah... sprawled out asleep and undressed in all their post fucking glory, he'd kick 'em out and there'd go half of B's support group and the best part of Faith's entertainment, or most of it.
Can't have that.
So... shit. Those two were gonna owe Faith by the time this was done. Even though they were never ever gonna know about any of this.
So... uh... props, props, props. Gonna brazen it out, you gotta have props. What kind of props, fer cryin' out loud?
Raising her head again, Faith kinda absently clicked off another pair of random shots at the group of mugging girl gang members, while throwing a hasty glance around this end of the hall. Oh. Yeah... Okay – there.
Snapping a last photo while aimed kinda vaguely at the vapid looking blonde, Faith grinned broadly and a bit maniacally at them and said, "Cool! That was great. You're a natural. Love ya, babe. Bye!"
Spinning on her heel, Faith strode down the hall toward her targets of the moment, grinning like a maniac with half baked ideas whirling madly through her brain. Behind her she heard a yelp followed by a strangled, "What? Wait, hey!"
Plowing to a halt a few feet from her targets: a tall basketball player looking kinda guy in a heated lip lock with a curvy Hispanic girl in front of an open locker, she raised the camera, focused hastily, and zapped them into immortality.
click pssshew!
"That was great!" Faith said, loudly.
Both teens broke lip lock and spun to face her, looking startled. Faith fastened the manic grin on them, eying them both appraisingly. Yup. The darker girl was just about Faith's height and size.
"Just for you two being the One Hundredth Couple to pass by my station here," Faith said, cheerfully, "Man, have I got a deal for you and your girl! This offer not available in stores."
"What? Huh?"
"You two! Yeah, you!" Faith grinned at them and winked bawdily. It felt kinda like a spasm, under the circumstances, but it was a wink. You bet. "Step right this way, kids. Oh – and that outfit won't do... lemme take that offa ya for a minute, babe... "
Ten seconds and a lot of hasty flimflamming later, Faith had both of them posed in front of and under the big "Homecoming!" poster on the wall just down from her appointed spot and posing for the camera. And she was wearing the Hispanic gal's jacket, which was the important part...
Clicking madly away, angling the camera this way and that, and doing her manic best to look like a real fashion photog from a video or something.
Faith took a hasty inventory of the gal's pockets between shots. Ok, coolness. More props. A half pack of Juicy Fruit, a ballpoint pen, a small notepad, and a slightly chewed yellow pencil. Groovy.
She could work with this.
Pencil goes behind left ear, with her hair pulled back and away on that side. Ballpoint in breast pocket, with the notepad stuffed in there kinda open and flapping outside. Couple a sticks of Juicy Fruit stuffed in her mouth, and shove the crumpled wrappers hastily into a pocket...
Just in the nick of fucking time, too.
"All right!" a deep, nasally kinda voice bellowed out. "What is going on here! You two – get to class!"
Both of Faith's, uh, subjects... okay, hapless victims, stiffened and turned deer in the headlights looks on the suited runt. Principal Smedley strutted his way in between them and Faith, drew himself up pompously to his full three and a half foot of height, and looked up imperiously at her.
"You there!" he snapped out, aiming a forefinger at her. "What are you doing with that camera? And that jacket on!"
Faith drew herself up with massive indignation up to her full five foot five inches, and glared down at him with her very best outraged expression. And took her South Boston accent, hoisted it, let go, and booted it slightly down south to land with a thud somewhere in between Joisey and Yonkers.
"'Ey!" Faith yelled, "You dere! Yeah, youse! Ya mind? Ged oudda my shot! I'm woikin'heyah!"
Next! Is there method to Faith's madness? Or merely madness to her methods? Find out next chapter!
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