What's Past is Prologue

by Truth and Chaos

The ifs, the ands and the whys all lined up like a set of dominos. Before that I'd never really thought of those things, oh I knew them but they didn't really occur in the same string of thought processes. We lived within two hundred miles of each other as children and would have never known the other existed if our paths hadn't intersected by chance.*Formerly Some Nights*

3. The Future

"He's hot, right?" One of the waitresses, Lori I think, said while I tallied the credit receipts from earlier in the day.

The pub has been open for almost two weeks now and business was booming practically every day. Save tonight, a slow Monday evening that left the handful of on hand staff a little bored. Myself included. Instead of disappearing into my office like usual I decided to show solidarity in my boredom and sit at the bar to finish out some of the day's work.

I didn't bother looking up at her after I hit the plus button on the calculator, "Who is?"

From the corner of my eye I saw her shift a little. Her elbows and back rested against the polished wood of the bar, "The house chef. The one with the long hair."

That got my attention.

I'll admit to avoiding Eliot as much as humanly possible these past couple of weeks. With the soft opening and then the grand opening a week later, it proved easy enough to stay away from him. He handled the kitchen, the cooks, the busboys and the menus. I handled the wait staff, the bartenders, the bookkeeping and the occasional customer. In all I spent around five minutes near him a week, maybe. In all I'd spoken a handful of words mostly consisting of 'thank you' and 'you're welcome.' If I didn't see him then I didn't think about him besides conjuring up preplanned reasons to excuse myself if we happened to end up alone together.

Chicken? Me?

Cluck.

As gutsy as I could be that didn't mean talking to him would be easy. Especially when I knew something he probably had no clue about. I knew for a fact Eliot lied to me about the bet with Dryer. How did I know? Dryer, that crazy son of a bitch showed up at my door literally three months to the day after Eliot unceremoniously ended our budding relationship. After I assaulted Dryer to the point that he had to physically restrain me, and after I wore myself out trying to hurt him too, everything came out when Dryer asked what happened.

I do mean everything. I spilled the beans about the couple of years since Andy's death. As it turned out Dryer hadn't spoken to Eliot since Eliot left the service.

Eliot lied to me. That hurt worse than the break up. He lied to get rid of me.

I hit the plus button so hard the calculator's plastic parts squeaked in protest. Thinking about Eliot and our mutual past made me angry. Listening to a bottle blond post adolescent lust over him left me down right pissed off. "Don't you have work to do?"

Catty? Me?

"Boss, if I ask either of my tables if they need anything else once more time, they will both leave me crappy tips."

I sighed to myself, "Can you pretend to do something then? You're on the clock."

"I am," she replied, "I am checking out the hottie in the kitchen."

I bit the inside of my cheek and refocused on the task at hand. Not thinking about Eliot doing a lot more than kissing with someone eight years younger than me, at least three to four inches taller than me with a leaner frame. A girl that looked like a much younger version of the girl he'd given a promise ring to. Trying to lose myself in the mindlessness of adding up numbers seemed impossible when that realization came over me. I only saw one picture of Amiee once while piling his laundry in with mine. He'd taken it back without so much as a word, stuffing it into his wallet. That was before we were together, and after we were I never heard about her again.

I should not care. On some level I still did though. My self-esteem and ego took a blow every time I remembered.

"So," she said, "I mean he is right? He's hot. His eyes are just so…mmm. Like when he looks at you it makes you want to, I dunno. He's just…yummy." She breathed out a dreamy sigh that felt like a cheese grater going over my skin.

I wished for more customers so she would just stop talking. I contemplated walking into the back and telling Alec I'd save him some money by closing up shop for the night but it was only nine fifteen. The pub would be open until eleven.

"Think he'd hook up with me in the stock room?"

I hit the total button much too hard. The calculator did a hopping nosedive off the side of the bar would have crashed into the floor. A pale hand grabbed it midair and set it back on the bar.

Parker smiled at me, all straight white teeth and big blue eyes, "Bad day?"

The appearance of the boss' girlfriend seemed to give Lori the kick in the butt the girl needed to get away from me. I thankfully watched her go back to check on her tables. "Have you ever wanted to yell at someone and knew you couldn't because they work with you?" I turned back to look at Parker who was smiling this smile that I couldn't quite understand. Then again after two weeks I barely knew her. I knew two things. She was dating Alec and she liked shiny jewelry enough to have been the only person to comment on the engagement ring, wedding ring and locket on my necklace.

I pushed the calculator back into place on the bar, "Thanks. I'm so clumsy sometimes it's not even funny."

"It is a little funny," Parker wrinkled her nose, squinted her eyes and pinched her fingers together, "this little."

I couldn't help the laugh that left my mouth; it was wrought with self-deprecation. "Sure. Poke my wounds."

The corners of her mouth crept upward but she didn't say anything.

Thankfully the calculator hadn't lost the last number. I copied it into the ledger. "What can I help you with?"

"We're watching a movie in back, want to join us?"

I opened my mouth to say no thank you or I'd like to but I can't, but the synapses between my brain and mouth must have misfired because instead I said, "What movie?"

"Hardison said Krull. He's trying to get me to watch more cult classics." She shrugged, "I don't really get some of them but he likes them."

I bit down on the inside of my lip to keep myself from telling her I'd seen it. I'm a science fiction and fantasy nerd when it comes to movies. And I'm a sucker for a good triumph over evil, guy gets the woman he loves back and beats the shit out of the bad guy. "Good movie, I think it was one of Liam Neeson's first few movies."

Her brow furrowed as a frown formed, "You've seen it already?"

I rolled my shoulders sheepishly, "Little bit of a movie buff." Understatement, but then she was dating someone who was an admitted geek so I doubted she cared. "I'd love to Parker, I would. I haven't seen Krull in a really long time but I can't. I have a pile of paperwork to finish tonight. I still have to count out the drawers and we still have customers."

The blonde rolled her eyes heavenward. "You can lock up when you leave. Jason," the bartender, "knows how to shut the pub down. The paperwork can wait until tomorrow morning. You always get here early anyway." Parker then called over Jason, informed him she was taking me hostage and he would be in charge. No more than five minutes later I was sitting on a somewhat comfy chair in the back office. Alec and parker sprawled together on a plush light blue extension chair that looked as if it should only seat one. They looked cozy and happy together, his arms wrapped around her while she lay back on his chest.

I felt like a very silent third wheel intruding on their date night. They didn't seem to notice or care though. Which I envied just the slightest bit truthfully. I wanted to ask them how long they'd been together but I didn't want to break up their easy back and forth discussion of where to go on their next date. Parker, as I learned listening to them, liked jumping from high and (marginally) dangerous places. Alec did not. He threw out the traditional date ideas, dinner, movies, dancing. They decided on a paintball game before the weather turned too cold.

After a few minutes of pretending to fiddle with my phone a long, dark arm attached to dexterous fingers snatched it out of my hand. "Hey!"

Alec looked at my cell as if he were annoyed and offended by its very presence. He handled it like one might an ugly, oversized spider or cockroach hissing at him to be put down. Then he leveled his gaze on me. "Metro PCS? Am I not paying you enough? 'Cause I thought I was paying you enough."

Embarrassment flushed across my skin, heating my cheeks, neck and shoulders uncomfortably. I squirmed under his scrutiny, "I'm still paying off student loans."

Something flashed across his face and was gone before I could identify it. He handed me back my imitation BlackBerry. "How much do you have to pay back?"

Mentally I calculated, "About ten thousand left."

Parker made a sound, "Ten thousand to go to school?"

"I wish. I originally took out about thirty three, but I've been paying it down for a while so, yeah. Around ten thousand left to go."

"Thirty thousand to go to college," Parker said.

I bobbed my head, "Not in addition to the grants I received."

She shook her head, "I'm glad I never went to school."

"I had three choices where I come from. One, go to college and get out the tiny ass town I lived in. Two, stay home and take over my family's ranch some day, or three stay home and be a wife and mother while my husband went off to fight in Iraq. Me, I'm not exactly the picket fence type so I went to school. I think my grandparents want me to come home and learn the ropes for the ranch but…" they were staring at me as if I had two heads. I blinked at them, "What?"

"Wife," Parker echoed, "mother?"

I cocked my head, "I married my high school sweetheart. Eliot didn't tell you?" I just assumed they'd pretty much grilled him for information about our relationship the minute after I left two Fridays ago. I realized right then that I should have known better. Eliot, stoic as ever, probably didn't open his mouth about me unless he absolutely had to.

"How long have you known Eliot?" Alec asked after a moment of wary silence.

I tried to remember the first time Andy brought Eliot home with him, "Um…I think since the year 2001 but don't quote me on it. He was in my husband's squadron." I caught Parker looking at my bare ring finger. I rubbed the spot immediately. The tan line faded a long time ago. A very long time ago. "Andy died several years ago."

"I'm sorry," Parker and Alec told me at the same time.

I gave them a smile but it felt sad, "It's okay, life happens. Shit happens." I needed a subject change. As long as it had been since Andy's death it was still a sore spot for me. "So who are we waiting on? I thought we were going to watch a movie."

Alec let go of Parker and stood up, "I'm gonna go check on the pizza. Eliot's takin' forever."

My heart beat kicked up like racing horses. Damn it. I should have known. Why hadn't I thought of that? I wondered how they'd take it if I bailed.

Parker must have noticed. "You make him nervous." Her eyes were steady, no smile but a hint of something I couldn't quite place behind her gaze. "Eliot." She elaborated, "You make him nervous. He burned himself one night when Sophie started asking questions about you. I've never seen Eliot get nervous like that. I've never seen him burn anything, especially not himself when he's cooking. I like you. You should stay."

Before I could reply, before I could even fathom thinking about what she said Alec called into the room, "If ya'll want food then you're gonna have to help cuz Eliot cooked enough for an army again."

"Damn it, Hardison," a familiar gravelly voice ground out, "you said Nate and Sophie were gonna be here."

"Hey," Alec said as the two worked their way into the room, "it's not my fault they decided not to show."

Parker of course took one of the large pizza trays that Alec had been precariously balancing. Which left me to take something from Eliot's full arms. His eyes settled on me for a moment, hard and annoyed. I pressed my lips into a firm line and took the proffered bowl of popcorn. I pretended not to notice the bruises on his skin. I set the bowl on the large desk/console and went back for the bowl of tortilla chips. Once everything was out it looked like a feast that four people could not possibly finish. Two pizzas, one chicken, broccoli and cheese the other pepperoni, salami and cheese. A large bowl of tortilla chips with two different kinds of salsa and a small bowl of guacamole. Two bowls of popcorn, one butter (ick) and the other I didn't know because it was on the side opposite me.

"That's a lot of food," I said.

Alec and Parker started digging in. They grabbed paper plates and napkins. I stood there awkwardly because I'd eaten dinner already on my break. I was debating the merits of tortilla chips and guacamole when the secondary bowl of popcorn appeared in front of me.

Eliot held it out to me, his voice low, almost soft, "White cheddar."

Gratefully I took the popcorn, "Thank you." Of course he would remember.

If Alec or Parker noticed the interaction I didn't know. Alec demanded we all sit down so he could start the damn movie. Eliot took a seat on the barstools at the desk. The lights went down and the movie started.

As it turned out that room up the grated metal stairs was actually a converted loft bedroom where Alec deposited the mostly asleep Parker. I couldn't blame her, even though I loved the movie my brain was running on fumes by the time it was over. By now I'd be walking home and looking forward to sleep. Instead I was gather up paper plates and crumpled greasy napkins. Nearby Eliot began the cleanup process on all of the food he'd made. Thankfully the couple of people on staff had come in periodically to steal some snacks here and there. I didn't expect the four of us to put much of a dent in what he made.

Then again I hadn't realized how much food Parker and Alec could put away.

The silence between Eliot and myself felt like a tightly wound chord waiting for one more twist to snap it. It felt wrong to ignore his presence while we cleaned but it also felt wrong to just start talking to him after avoiding him for two weeks straight. I forgot what being around him felt like but I began to remember as we moved around each other. I didn't know what to say to him so I searched for little things to do. After I dumped the dirty plates and napkins I found the dustpan and the broom to sweep up. Then I wiped down the desk once he cleared away the food.

Alec, after taking a very long time upstairs, finally came back down. I looked up in time to catch him readjusting the collar on his shirt to cover the reddened skin of his neck. Funny. I hadn't pictured Parker as a biter.

"You've got a love bite on your neck," I pointed out if only to make him squirm. I considered it payback for not telling me that I would have to hang out with Eliot almost all night.

"Um, yeah…" Alec stuttered, "Well, you know…um…" he flushed, embarrassed.

I laughed, "Oh yea. I know."

The dirty glare he tried to point my way failed to hit with that goofy, boyish grin plastered on his face. "We'll finish cleaning up. Lemme walk you to your car."

I shook my head and tossed the paper towel I'd been using to clean, "Don't have one."

A deep crease formed between Alec's eyebrows, "Did you take the bus here?"

"I walked. I always walk."

The mild shock on his face, "You've been walking home every night?"

I waved off his worry, "I live like eight blocks from here, I'll be fine."

"Yeah, that's what they say in horror movies right before somebody dies."

"Actually," I corrected because if he wanted to play that card I could play too. "What they say is 'I'll be right back' then they get axed murdered or stabbed to death by a lunatic with a serious butcher knife." My attempt to lighten the mood with morbid humor clearly didn't work.

"You could get mugged, or worse."

"I've been here almost four months and I've yet to be mugged Alec. I will be fine. Besides, I used to live in Brooklyn. Getting mugged isn't news to me."

"Eliot," Alec called out, "did you know Faith's been walking home at night, every night," he said with a pointed look in my direction, "alone?"

Honestly I thought Eliot had still been washing dishes. I didn't even notice him come back into the room. I also really did not want to hear what he had to say on the subject because I already knew what it would be. The man's faults added up to a handful of things, including being a gentleman when it came to doing right by women. If he'd been anyone else I wouldn't have minded. I might not even have cared, but it was Eliot and that was a big problem for me. The one person I sincerely did not want knowing that I walked home because all of his good southern boy breeding would lead him to do one thing.

"I'll drive Faye home, Hardison."

And there it was. I knew it and he'd gone and done it. I gritted my teeth until my jaw ached. My temper boiled and the wild thud of my heartbeat roared in my ears. I clenched my fists and said as politely as I could, "No. You. Will. Not." I didn't bother looking at him or Alec after that. I was too pissed off with their chivalry act. "I'm walking. Deal with it or fire my ass. I'm out."

I beat a hasty retreat to my office, snagged my jacket from the office chair and my keys from the desk drawer. My temper still seethed. He called me Faye. What gave him the right to call me by my nickname again? I slammed the drawer closed. I'd barely spoken to the bastard for two weeks and he was already calling me Faye!

I would have slammed my office door too but I was afraid the glass might crack. I locked up the front doors and chose to go out the side exit instead. At least it would take them a couple of minutes to realize which way I went. By the time they could follow I would have been at least a quarter of the way home. With that plan in mind I shrugged on my jacket and walked out into the alley by the dumpsters.

Eliot stood against the wall across from me, hands in his jacket pockets and blue eyes on me. I glowered at him. Seriously?

"I thought I made it abundantly clear that I do not want you to drive me home." I tried to keep my voice as even and civil as possible, but I hear the aggravated inflection in my tone. I hoped he heard it too.

"It's almost midnight Faye." His baby blues were far darker in the dimmer lights here in the alley. He stepped toward me, jaw tight, eyes never leaving mine. "I'm not gonna stand by while you walk home alone in the middle of the night no matter how you feel about it. Either you can let me walk with you or you can let me drive you."

My heart gave a deep, breath stealing throb. It hurt. How it could possibly still hurt this much after all the years between then and now? I didn't know but my chest ached just looking up at him. "You don't get to call me that anymore Eliot." The words were agony ripped from my lips.

His brow furrowed in confusion, "Call you what?"

"Faye," I felt like I'd shouted his nickname for me even though my voice couldn't have been much louder than a sigh. "You don't get to call me Faye anymore. You lost that privilege."

For a beat I thought he might say something. His lips parted slightly and he looked as if there were words on his tongue that wanted to be spilled. He didn't though. He didn't say one damn thing. His eyes were hot and hard and dark with things I didn't want to think about.

I started walking. After a moment so did he. The silent tension between us seemed even worse than before. I could see the tightly wound anger in him by the set of his shoulders and the hard clench of his jaw. His eyes were obscured by the fall of his hair.

A purely masochistic part of me longed to reach out and tuck the strands behind his ear. I wondered what he'd do if I did. I wondered what might happen between if I touched him. I wanted to know and yet I did not want to find out. I feared the pain he'd cause in me again. I did not want to open myself up to him.

Around three blocks from the apartment building I lived in I stopped walking. Not because of Eliot, but because while I'd been thinking I could have sworn I heard a soft crying. An animal's cry, not human. Straining my ears I listened for it again.

"What's wrong?" Eliot asked casting his gaze around the empty streets.

I shushed him, "Do you hear that?'

"Hear what Fay-," his lips pressed tight, "Faith."

A very soft, frightened mewling sounded again not more than a few feet from us. I looked around and around in the dark, spinning to pinpoint the creature. My grandmother swore on her grave that I'd save the devil if he was in trouble, but I disagree. I would save a child or a hurt animal, not the devil. Unless, of course he were disguised as an animal or child, but that was neither here nor there.

I dropped to the ground peering into the areas barely lit by the streetlights. The pavement scratched up my jeans and my Payless Engineer boots. "It's a cat," I said to him, "can't you hear it?"

"You and your strays," he grumbled but he crouched down too.

I snorted, "I took you in didn't I?"

"Strays," he said again, this time sounding much more reverent.

My heart jumped into my throat.

I don't know where he got it or where he might have been hiding it but he pulled out one of those small pocket keychain flashlights. The kind that glows bright but burns out fast. Eliot shined it into the darker areas around us.

Behind a thickly growing patch of dandelions sat a little white kitten. I do mean little. I picked her up carefully. Her malnourished bones stuck out, her coat felt grimy and stiff from fleas and dirt. Her eyes were closed with conjunctivitis. I could feel her tiny heartbeat wildly pounding against my palm while she mewled plaintively at us. I lost my heart in seconds.

"Hi sweetie," I murmured to her, gently rubbing her head, ears and back. Her skin sagged a little in places. "She's so tiny. Who the hell would just dump a kitten this young like that?"

Eliot frowned, still kneeling with me on the pavement. "She needs a vet."

"It's after midnight, nobody is going to be open until morning. If I can get her to drink some water, I think she's old enough for heavy cream and solid food. I've got some chicken I can cut really small." I held her out to him, "Your body temperature is higher than mine, she can't regulate hers yet. It's too cold for her out here."

Septembers in New York were muggy at best. Septembers here in Oregon were cooler at night and nicer in the day. I wouldn't risk the kitten getting any worse than she was already. Eliot didn't argue, he took her from me carefully. Her tiny body didn't even fully take up his hand.

"She could die in the night. She's underweight, malnourished and dehydrated. Even if she doesn't die the pink eye could leave her blind."

I shook my head vehemently, "No, she won't. She'll be fine." I knew she would be. I just knew. "She's going to be perfect."

He sighed heavily, "Faye…"

I gave him a sharp, reproachful gaze, "I've raised more animals in my life time than you ever have."

"I just don't want you getting your hopes up." His voice was soft, careful and almost caring. "I know how you get. I remember you buying thirty dollars worth of cat food for the strays near your building. You spent almost a thousand getting them all fixed. You cried," his eyes on mine in the dark were the bluest I'd ever seen his eyes go. Clear and honest and so very blue, "when one or two went missing." His thumb rubbed down the kitten's back ever so carefully. "It'll break your heart if she dies."

"Why do you care what happens to my heart Eliot?"

He pinned me with those eye until I didn't think I could breathe and then he said, "You saying I shouldn't?"

My insides twisted up into a knot of confusion and fear that solidified in my throat. I swallowed hard and blinked past hopeful tears. "We should get back to my place. She'll be better off there than here on the street." I started walking again but all I could think was:

What the fuck?

---

I named her Annie, after my mother. Growing up in a house full to the brim with strays that decided to stay and pound mutts my grandparents couldn't say no to, I always wanted to name one after my mom. My grandparents wouldn't have it though. I think because it upset them too much. I never pressed my luck with it. I thought about how to tell my grandparents that I adopted a cat and named her after my mother.

I didn't imagine the conversation going over too well with either of them.

Those were the thoughts that crossed my mind as we sat in the waiting room at the veterinary clinic. We meaning Eliot, Annie and myself. Eliot and I didn't talk. I didn't want him to take me to the vet and I certainly did not want him to stay. He did though. He drove me there in his shiny red-orange Challenger with black racing stripes. I almost asked him what he was compensating for but I bit my tongue. I wouldn't have even taken the ride from him but I couldn't walk with Annie in hand. I couldn't ride the bus with her either. Begrudgingly I took him up on his offer to drive me. I just didn't expect him to stay and wait with me.

For the umpteenth time I told him, "Really Eliot, I can do this alone. You should go. I don't want you to waste your day off chauffeuring me to and from the vet."

He reached into my lap and rubbed the pad of his thumb under Annie's chin. The little traitor mewed at the attention, extending her neck for him to get the good spots too. "How are you gonna get home without me?"

Undermined by my lack in monetary funds once again, damn it. I settled for staying grumpy and readjusting the towel that I wrapped around Annie to keep her warm. I cleaned her last night, wiping her eyes with chamomile tea to break up the puss and crusted bacteria. I spent an hour combing her and picking off fleas with a tweezers until her coat felt smoother and softer. I gave her mashed food with butter and water to help replace the nutrients she'd no doubt lost while she was abandoned. When we, Annie and I, went to bed last night the little creature curled up on my chest under the blankets and fell asleep purring contentedly.

The last thing I expected this morning was to have Eliot at my front door telling me he made Annie an appointment at the vet. Not that he called her by her name. He called her "the cat" or "your cat."

The classic rock station playing softly overhead stopped Bon Jovi and started up Guns and Roses singing November Rain. I hummed along trying to occupy myself while Eliot did what Eliot did best. He held flirty conversation with the handful of women sending him appreciative, appraising glances. He flicked hair out of his eyes in a move so practiced it was effortless. Two of his fingers tapped on the counter while he playfully smiled at the blonde in scrubs behind the desk. When the man shrugged off his leather jacket, thereby putting well toned muscles on display the dynamic of the room shifted from flirty and interested to women gone hunting. Both of the female veterinary technicians slipped him their numbers. So help me they batted their eyelashes at him.

Finally they called my name and Annie's. I caught a quizzical, fleeting look from Eliot.

"Annie?" He said after we were in a room waiting for the vet to come in.

"Yes," I held the little one close to my chest to keep the cool air in the room from making her cold. "Why?"

He went very, very quiet for several moments. Then he gingerly took Annie from me and rubbed down her back. The hard, thoughtful expression on his face left me feeling nervous. "Why did you pick the name Annie?"

I couldn't explain the thickening emotion in my throat, "It was my mother's name."

He didn't say anything again.

"Eliot," my voice a little hoarse, "what's wrong with the name?"

He shook his head, "Nothing wrong with it Faye. I like it. It was my mom's name too."

How had I not known that? How? I spent years with him as a good friend before we became lovers. This man shared my bed. Eliot knew what my body felt like from the inside. How the hell had I not known that his mother's name was also my mother's name?

"I didn't know that," I licked my lips but my mouth had gone dry as a bone, "you never told me that."

Without looking at me, "I know." He went quiet again as did I. The tension coiled between us almost painfully. "Where is your mother now?"

My heart skipped a beat, "She died during labor. I never knew her."

He handed me back Annie without a word. Our fingers brushed in the exchange. The electric shock, pleasant as it was powerful, shot up my arm and stole my breath away. Almost imperceptibly I heard him let out a sharp hiss of air. Any further interaction was lost when the vet came into the room.

Only the blonde was left at the reception desk once we came out of the exam room. While my mind was still on Eliot's reaction and what the vet had gone over about Annie's overall health – she could have died if we hadn't picked her up – I completely missed Eliot taking out his credit card until it was too late. What alerted me to his sneaky ways wasn't the beep of the machine or the woman telling him how much it would be for the visit. What caught my attention, I'm ashamed to say, was her flirting. She handed him back his card with a brush of her fingers on his.

"I thought black Amex cards were a myth," the woman behind the counter told him. "It's so nice of you to pay for all of this for your sister." She caressed his hand again when she gave over a pen for him to sign the credit slip.

Of all the things that could have made me snap it should not have been that. Such a simple, non-threatening act without any detectable catty undertones, but it irked me beyond all comprehension. My reaction I later chalked up to mental stress and a momentary lapse in sanity.

And jealousy of course.

"You would think," I said to no one in general, but loud enough for everyone in the room to hear me, "that someone who must have had some medical training could differentiate the difference between people with absolutely no biological relation and those that do." I patted Eliot's arm, "Irish with Native American ancestry." I motioned to myself, "English, French and German heritage. We're no more related to each other than to you are to your peroxide bottle."

Outside I beat myself up mentally. What the fuck had I just done? I banged my forehead against the hood of his car a couple of times to knock some sense into my brain. Why did I just do that? What possessed me? Did I just have a complete mental breakdown or did I simply suffer a quick, embarrassing lapse in rational thought? While I let out a string of colorful cuss words that might have made Dryer pink in the ears, I missed Eliot coming out of the clinic behind me.

He looked amused as hell when I finally worked up the courage to turn toward him. He tossed a couple white paper slips into the garbage can nearby.

"Hey," I told him, "don't throw out the receipts. I have to pay you back."

Eliot stopped a mere handful of steps from me, one hand in his jacket pocket, the other reached out and rubbed Annie's furry head. "They weren't the receipts Faye."

I squinted at him in the sunlight, "They weren't?"

"No," but he didn't elaborate any further. He opened the passenger side door for me and silently I got in.

My mouth had gotten me into enough trouble anyway.

We rode back to my apartment in relative, but not companionable silence. I rubbed Annie nervously, not that she noticed. The kitten slept quietly on my thigh, little paw extended so that she took up more space. I wondered what she dreamed about to be so peaceful. Of late my dreams were about the pub and work and of course, Eliot. Last night especially. In my dreams I forgave him when he told me he still loved me. I woke up to a kitten cleaning my face with a rough little tongue and mewling for food.

We bypassed my apartment building in a blur of speed.

"You missed it," but I was fairly sure he knew.

He tapped the GPS, "PetSmart is this way. Unless you want to walk home with bags full of cat stuff."

In my lap Annie yawned, stretching little paws. I couldn't answer. I didn't have an answer. I looked out the passenger side window to watch the world slide by. "Why are you doing this Eliot?"

He breathed out heavily, almost a deep sigh. "Why are you marking territory that isn't yours Faye?"

I turned toward him, "Excuse me?"

"What you did at the clinic," his fingers were almost bloodless they gripped the steering wheel so tightly, "what you said to her."

My eyes rolled heavenward, "I didn't hear you arguing."

"Not arguing Faye. Bar none that was the meanest thing I've ever heard come out of your mouth." Not true. What I said the say he broke up with me, those were the most horrible things I could say to any human being.

He glanced at me before returning his eyes to the road, "When did you get mean? I don't remember you treating other people like that."

"Oh fuck you! Like you have any right to talk. You lied to me so you could rip my heart out and shatter it into so many pieces I needed a dustpan to pick them all up!"

His jaw clenched hard, harder than it had last night. An almost threatening sound started up at the back of his throat. The wheels of the Challenger squealed as he pulled over to an empty space. Blue eyes burning so bright, like twin stars, narrowed on me. "I'm not doing this here. We're not doing this Faye."

I'll admit it, this time I really meant to snap. Or vent as it were.

"Then when should we do it? When Eliot? Give me a good god damn time to have this out with you because so help me god this is all that's been on my mind since Alec brought me into that room. I saw you and all I wanted to do was punch you so hard you would have seen stars. I wanted to ask you what I did to deserve it. I wanted to know why you would lie to me like that. I wanted to know why you didn't call me back that morning after you were so turned on the night before. I wanted to know why you didn't answer my phone calls, my text messages and then you changed your number. I spent months, months Eliot trying to figure out what happened to you.

"Then there you were, in my apartment and holy god, I was so happy to see you. I thought my heart would burst with relief and love. I loved you, you stupid son of a bitch. I loved you so much it fucking hurt."

I didn't realize I was crying until my vision blurred, "And you lied to get rid of me. You could have told me that you didn't want to be with me anymore. You should have just said it instead of trying to hurt me with a lie about Dryer. You should have just-"

"They were going to kill you!" His voice strained when he shouted it. His chest heaved in deep breaths. "They were going to kill you Faye," it was a hoarse confession that struck so close to my heart I thought I might bleed with the truth of it. "Moreau had his men following me, us when I was with you. There was a job…" his voice roughened with self loathing, "there was a job that I couldn't…wouldn't do. They had pictures of you. In your apartment, at work, shopping. A few of us together…" He breathed out heavily, "After I did what Moreau wanted I tried to get out. It took me a while but I got out."

I swallowed hard around the lump in my throat, "Why didn't you call me? Why didn't you tell me?"

"You don't want to know what I did Faye," the emotion that entered his gaze floored me.

"You killed someone," I'd always known he killed people. I'd always known that but saying it out loud was much different with so many years between then and now. I didn't want to ask but I did, maybe because I'm secretly a masochist or maybe I wanted to know the price Eliot paid for my life. I wanted to know the price another person, other people paid for my life. "They didn't deserve it, did they?"

"No," he told me, his voice hard.

"Is that why you ended us?" My chest heaved as I tried to stave off the need to sob. "Because you killed to keep me safe?"

"Knowing you were alive and hating me was better than finding out some psychopath killed you to get to me." His eyes were no longer stars. They were the dark desolate blue of an ocean before the storm. "It was better than having someone use you to get to me like that."

My hands were shaking when I reached out to touch him. I pressed my fingers gently against his cheek to make sure this was real. Solid, and a little rough, but absolutely completely Eliot. His hand came up, his thumb stroking my jaw, blunt fingers just barely touching my neck. I pressed my other hand against his heart. It beat quickly, but not the jack hammer that threatened to find a way out of my chest if I didn't do something.

So I did. I grabbed him at the same time he pulled me forward. Our mouths met in a violent clash of lips, teeth and tongue. I gripped at his hair in handfuls to make sure he stayed exactly where I needed him to be. Small need based groans escaped his lips for the briefest moments between our kisses. He had the softest lips, and he sealed them over mine again and again until I was dizzy from the need to breathe and yet I kept kissing him. I kept kissing him and he kept kissing me, his breath coming in fierce panting breaths.

Annie waking up was what stopped us. She let loose a plaintive yowl at us. I didn't think we hurt her, but the jostling of our movements must have scared her awake. She looked angry, her little claws pierced the material of my jeans but didn't quiet catch my skin.

Eliot breathed out, fingers dragging through his long hair. "I didn't want to have that conversation in the car Faye."

I leaned over and planted a kiss against the stubble on his cheek. "We can finish later."

He chuckled, a low masculine sound that had my insides quaking with anticipation. "The conversation or the kiss?"

I nipped his ear, "Both." I drew away before he could take my proximity as an invitation. "Now get us to PetSmart."

He growled but this time it was a much more playful sound. "I thought you didn't want me chauffeuring you around today."

I paused, watching him with newly opened eyes. "You're earning your way back into my good graces. We can start with you driving Annie and me to PetSmart and then you can cook us lunch."

Eliot, after checking his mirrors and the blind spot pulled out into traffic. "You know that means grocery shopping. Your refrigerator is probably full of the pub's leftovers and Chinese food."

I pressed my lips together to hide the smile that threatened. "Maybe I cook now. Did you think of that? I did have some guy I used to date harassing me to cook instead of buying takeout."

His eyes drifted to me for a moment, "I'm supposed to believe that?"

"You could have a little faith."

Too late I realized what I said, a semi-invitational proposition that might very well have been a Freudian slip.

His fingers curled tighter on the steering wheel almost to the point I imagined the leather squeaking from the pressure. After several extensive, agonizing moments, "I have faith in you, Faye."

"This doesn't mean we're back together," I told him slowly, my voice soft despite the desire to put meaning behind what I said. I wanted so badly to forgive him but the shadow of the pain he caused me still lived. It ached with raw throbs in the place he used to have in my damaged heart. I rubbed Annie gently and she purred contentedly. "And it doesn't mean I forgive you."

"I know Faye," he told me, his eyes on the road, "believe me, I know."

What do you say to someone that admits having killed to keep you alive?

I didn't know what to say to him, not while we shopped in PetSmart or when we hit the grocery store later. Not while he made us grilled turkey and cheese sandwiches that were so good I moaned a little when I chewed. What could I say? What could anyone say to something like that? There weren't words. My heart broke silently for people I didn't know. People who paid the price for my life. For this moment. For every breath I took.

Eliot only just put the last dish into the sink when I wrapped my arms around him. I placed my forehead against his back, eyes closed and didn't say anything.

We're together but not together in a way. I told him I would not forgive him for what he'd done and I meant it. Being near him reminded me of the raw ache he very presence created. I wondered exactly how long it would take to forgive him. I wondered how much he missed me and if he missed me the way I missed him. I doubted I'd ever really know but I could get over that. As long as he didn't do it again.

He let me hold him, his hands over mine for what seemed like forever and then he moved us. Well, me from the kitchen floor to the kitchen counter. I felt the handful of inches between the back of my head and the cabinets next to the fridge. His hands were on my hips, holding me in place with blue eyes searching mine for some answer to a question that he hadn't asked aloud yet. I leaned forward and pressed my mouth against his in a careful, slow kiss that threatened to burn us both if we weren't careful.

His hands curled tight against the material of my jeans, and I wondered how hard it was for him to control himself with me. With someone he already knew the most intimate parts of. I pressed him, my tongue flicking his lower lip until a sound rumbled its way out of his chest. His fingers dug into my hair, against the nape of my neck and pinned me there. Eliot's mouth moved with mine like he couldn't get enough. As if he'd take everything he could get from me and still not be satisfied. It's a heady feeling knowing someone like him, someone powerful, dangerous, and oh so wonderful wanted me more than he wanted anyone else.

When he dragged my hips forward I felt him hard and thick in his jeans pressed right up against the most sensitive parts of me. Half of me wanted to slip between us and pull at the button of his fly. The other half warned me not to. While he kissed me, his tongue dueling with mine, soft groans coming from his throat as we kissed, I wanted to entertain the first idea. I wanted to pull at his belt, the button at the top of his fly and the zipper beneath. I would have too if that second part of me hadn't kept my head on straight. I hated the logical, rational part of me right then and there but I listened to it.

Moving my hands from his neck and hair I planted them on his shoulders and pushed, "No."

I felt the resistance in his muscles for a half second before it gave way and Eliot used all of his self control to step back. His eyes, blue eyes that I could have fallen into, remained dark and heavy lidded, his breathing harsh and hard, tongue darting out to taste what was left of me on his lips. "Faye," he growled and the sound was hungry, dangerous.

I wanted to give in. Drag my t-shirt off and drop it on the floor and let him do what he wanted. What we both wanted. I shook my head more to clear the image of him taking me right there in the kitchen rather than to signal no but it got my point across anyway.

"No," my voice remained strong and adamant. "No Eliot. We can't." My lower bits – meaning almost everything below the neck at the moment – the parts that were wet and tight didn't really agree with me. They were shouting yes in the worst way. Those parts of me knew I was lying through my teeth. We most certainly could and given the chance, we would.

I bowed my head, hunched my shoulders and told my body and libido to shut the hell up. "We can't," I said while he dragged a hand through his hair. "Not because I don't want to but because you broke me. You haven't earned the invitation back into my bed. I haven't forgiven you yet." I swallowed past the lump forming in my throat. "We're not in love. I don't sleep with people I don't love. When," I wanted to call it naiveté that lead me to think he'd put up with courting me again. "If," I corrected, "if we fall back in love then we can. Not before. I'm not easy. I know the first time I gave myself to you morning noon and night but I'm not easy. I'm not and you're going to have to work to get me back."

There. I said it. I studied the scuff marks on my navy blue converse. I didn't want to look at him. Mostly because if he wanted to he could have walked out right there. He could have said fuck this and left. He'd already had me so why should he fight to have me again when any other woman would willingly drop her panties, lift her skirt and invite him to stay a while. I chewed my lower lip in apprehension and waited for the blow to come. I kept telling myself in that quiet handful of minutes that it would be easier this way. I could move on once I knew he didn't want to fight for me.

He breathed in deeply, "Do you want to go to dinner with me tonight?"

That was not what I was expecting. I blinked at him, "What?"

Eliot scowled at me, but it wasn't annoyance or anger. He just hated repeating himself. "I'm asking you on a date Faye. The last time we didn't date, we were friends and then we were sleeping together." His mouth pressed into a firm line, "Do you want to date me?"

My eyes misted with tears. "Of course I do."

His shoulders seemed to relax a little but I couldn't be sure if that was my imagination or if he'd actually been tense. "Are you free tonight?"

Was Mount Fuji tall? I nodded trying not to look and feel like such a doofus, "I'm spending it with you."

That made him smile at me, the kind of smile that made my inside warm. Eliot pulled me down from the counter and kissed me gently, carefully. "I missed you Faye," he murmured.

I closed my eyes and kissed him back, "I missed you too."

In the last six years I tried to move on. I went out with guys that were weird, men that were strange, possessive jerks that tried to keep me under their thumbs, and one guy I'm pretty sure was possessed by something not quite human. I went out with nice guys that turned out to be jerks and jerks that had the balls to be upfront with me before I got in the car. My dating battle scars were numerous. I could tell first date horror stories that could curl someone's hair given half the chance.

Dating Eliot though wasn't like dating anyone else.

He opened doors for me. His hand never strayed from the base of my spine while we were out. He wrapped his jacket around me when I got cold. He pulled out my chair for me when I sat. This, dating him, I considered a whole new experience in my dating experience. Old fashioned words like 'courting' and 'gallantry' filled my head and chest with nervous butterflies.

My insides went warm and fuzzy with him.

The first time around there hadn't been much going out in our relationship. We tried to of course. We honestly did try but somehow the sexual tension, the chemistry between us was too explosive to be contained. We would go out and end up with a handful of orgasms between us somewhere just shy of public. After the first time, after I went down on him in Central Park, we learned to bring condoms along or pay the price. I still packed one in my clutch despite my most adamant vow that I would not under any circumstance drop my panties for him or lift my skirt.

I did wear a skirt on purpose though. Maybe because I wanted him to squirm or maybe because I wanted to catch him looking at my legs, which I did several times. Either way I wore a halter dress, black with large white polka-dots with my hair twisted up in artful way. Loose tendrils of hair scattered around my head which I curled and recurled until they bounced when tugged. I remembered the way he looked at me that night in the elevator. It seemed like a lifetime ago while I dressed for dinner. I remember the way he wrapped one of my curls around his finger, the way he touched my hair reverently as if he were afraid he'd hurt me.

I remembered his blue eyes so focused on me it scared and excited me at the same time.

The way they were focused on me at that moment actually. I blushed, looking down at the menu in my hands where everything was at least thirty dollars or more a plate. "You're staring at me."

One corner of his mouth turned upward, "If you didn't want me to stare at you sweetheart then you shouldn't have dressed up. You're the sexiest woman in the room and you're with me. I can't stop lookin' at you and I don't want to."

My whole body threatened to ignite into flames right there. I closed my eyes and told my lungs to breathe. I sipped the sparkling water, lemons, limes and a high price tag. "Eliot," I said blushing from head to toe.

He smiled at me, the corners of his eyes wrinkling, "I like watching you blush Faye."

Flustered and warm I kept trying not to look at him but holy god that was all I wanted to do. I pinpointed my gaze on the menu and told my body to calm the fuck down. I kept telling myself that there would be no point in getting all worked up. That I'd known Eliot for years. I'd already slept with him. All of this was just supposed to be getting to know each other again. None of it worked though. I still felt like a stumbling, bumbling teenage girl on her first date with a guy so far out of her league he shouldn't have even looked twice.

"This place is too expensive," I told him once I decided on the cheapest meal that didn't constitute an appetizer.

A furrow formed between his eyebrows, "You don't like it?"

"Oh I like it," I sipped the overpriced seltzer, "it's so expensive though. We both work at the same place. I mean I know you have another job-" I stopped talking because the way he looked at me right at that moment said I really had no idea what I was talking about.

"I've got money Faye," he didn't elaborate.

So friken far out of my league.

The waitress smiled a little too long at Eliot for my liking. Her fingers brushed his when she took the menu from him. I couldn't blame her though. Not entirely. Gorgeous, beautiful people are supposed to be with other gorgeous, beautiful people. I think that is some sort of law in the universe. She, of course, was absolutely stunning. Her long red hair looked like fire in the low lights from the candles and overhanging lamps. Her skin looked perfectly pale and translucent. Her eyes even sparkled. I wanted to hate her but I couldn't fathom up the nerve.

I completely would have understood if she slipped him her number and he kept it.

When I looked at Eliot though, his eyes were only for me.

My heart pounded out an erratic beat when he took my hand in his on top of the table, and laced our fingers together. I stuttered out my order blushing profusely from my scalp to my toes. "Oh, god," I bowed my head and shook it. "You realize she was flirting with you and you just completely blew her off."

"The woman I want," he said, his fingers tightening around mine, "is right here."

My brain turned to mush, my words decimated into dust that dried my throat and I was at a complete and utter loss. I think I may have managed some kind of monosyllabic 'guh' sound that had him grinning at me with this look in his eyes that said he liked making me wibbly-wobbly. That was also the moment I realized falling back in love with Eliot wouldn't be difficult. Because, despite all of my best efforts over the past several years I was pretty much still in love with him to begin with.

I took a very large gulp of the expensive soda water.

Good thing I packed a condom.

But he didn't touch me when we returned to my apartment building. I mean, he did, but he only put his hand on my hip and asked, actually asked if he could kiss me goodnight. Our kisses still burned like coals though. Red hot and ready to go. I felt his hand fist in the material of my dress, the connection between us flared up and threatened to consume us both in the flames. I grabbed at his arms while his mouth moved over mine, tongue flicking against my lips because he wanted in and I was more than happy to grant him entrance. This time he pulled away.

Eliot took two decently sized steps back from me, "You should go inside Faye."

I dragged in a deep breath of air while I tried to understand why I should leave him out there alone when my apartment would be warm and cozy, "Do you want to come in?"

Eliot groaned low in his throat, "Jesus, Faye." The valiant job he was doing at behaving all night seemed to be coming to an end and I couldn't be sure if it upset me or excited me. "I am trying to do this the right way," his voice sounded hard, his teeth clenched but the longing in his tone made me want to push. "Go inside, lock the damn door and I will see you tomorrow."

My heart jack hammered in my chest, I licked my lips. His eyes refocused there. "Can," I asked tentatively, "can I have one more kiss?"

He nearly slammed me into the wall when he closed the distance between us again. My shoulders would be bruised the following day but it would all be worth it. It was worth it right at that moment. Making a man like him unravel right there in the hallway outside my apartment. He pinned me against the wall and kissed me hard, bruising hard to the point pleasure and pain began to mix and I didn't care if it hurt. I couldn't get enough of him. I didn't think I ever would. I tangled my fingers in his hair and whimpered wordless please against his mouth.

I miss you. I love you. Please.

I jerked away unsure if I actually said the words or if I only thought them. Or if he'd said them. I didn't think he did. My hands shook a little as I brushed fine curls away from my eyes. Eliot's chest heaved in air, expelling what I could only assume was CO2 and frustration laced with moderate amounts of desire and need.

Carefully he reached out and tucked a curl behind my ear, "I'm trying to do right by you Faye. This time I want to do this thing right."

"I know," my words were shaky, "I know. I want to, too."

He touched the bare skin of my shoulder gently, "See you tomorrow?"

"At work."

"Want a ride to work in the morning?"

Oh I wanted a ride, not necessarily in a car though. I wondered what he might do if I said those words aloud. I didn't though. I felt like I'd been pushing my luck all night and those words might just tip us over into the abyss. "Are you sure?" I asked. "I know you guys get in pretty early some days," meaning Nathan, Parker and usually Alec were there fairly early in the morning. As in before I managed to get myself a decent cup of tea and butter my toast in the morning early. No, I am not a morning person. I'm a night owl, stay up watching Doctor Who reruns, oh look Godzilla and Mothra are on let's just not sleep tonight, kind of person. I touched his shirt, button up with a wife beater underneath, "I'm not in until eleven."

He pulled me in for another kiss, a quick peck nothing more but even that had an electric ping to it. "Yeah Faye, I'm sure."

"Okay."

Eliot waited until I went into my apartment then he ordered me to flip the locks. I did of course, but afterward I wondered what he would have done if I hadn't. I leaned against the door, closed my eyes and breathed.

Christ, was I in trouble.

---

Last night he came home from Japan. Parker, Amy and I had been watching what Hardison dubbed the original zombie movie when they came back to the office. He threatened to take away my geek card for being bored. I didn't want to tell him that I wasn't bored so much as I was tired.

Tired from talking to cops, tired from helping Parker and Amy figure out how to keep a crime from happening and apparently, finding out that my boyfriend as well as his co-workers were modern day Robin Hoods…if Parker hadn't sworn me to secrecy I might have spilled the beans right then and there. Instead I went to get popcorn with Amy. Or, at least, I attempted to go get popcorn with Amy.

A muscled arm looped around my waist pulling me, from his perch on one of the stools, between his knees. His blue eyes darkened with familiarity and warmth, while the fingers of his other hand came to rest on my hip. "Hey," he murmured low and soft and just the slightest bit hungry.

I felt myself blushing in the near darkness. My hands found their way to his biceps, strong and solid. I peered at him in the white-blue glow from the flat screen on the wall, "Who was trying to keep you away from his granddaughter?" After being gone for nearly two weeks with minimal contact he deserved a little teasing. Just a little.

Alec snorted failing to cover the sound with a cough.

I knew, felt in my bones, that he would never cheat on me but a little curiosity had me wondering exactly how close to the granddaughter he'd gotten. I tilted my head to the side, tapped my fingers on his shoulders and raised my eyebrows in expectation. Eliot only pulled me closer giving me that trademark smile he reserved for those moments when he needed to flirt his way out of a sticky situation.

"I," he began then stopped, thinking better of whatever he might have said. He leaned forward, "we…" His brow creased. Apparently that wouldn't work either. Eliot leaned back a bit, completely serious, "Nothing happened."

I slid my arms around his neck, "Mmm, really?"

Something like relief washed over his posture, "Cross my heart sweetheart."

The endearment made me blush even more. I'd never get used to the idea of doing this in front of people, people he knew and worked with. People I knew and worked with. Gah. I rubbed one thumb across his scruffy jaw, leaning in to whisper in his ear, "Did I ever mention that you with a beard is a turn on for me?"

He nipped my earlobe before asking in a husky tone, "You want to stay for the movie?" Eliot's thumbs moved on my hips stroking up and down back and forth. Maddeningly slow and incredibly distracting.

My whole body thrummed in response. A thrill of excitement and desire went through me striking so deeply I thought my knees might turn to jelly. Incapable of coherent thought beyond wanting to leave, immediately, I shook my head. That seemed to be enough for him.

Eliot pressed a kiss against my lips, his beard scratching my skin in far too pleasant a manner. "We're gonna take off."

Parker straightened up in her seat, the same pullout couch she and Alec shared numerous times through various movie nights. "You're not going to stay?"

Eliot wrapped one arm around my waist and pulled me against his side like he'd done it a million times before. "Sixteen hour flight, I'm tired," he said, "and I haven't seen my girlfriend in nearly two weeks."

The way he said it struck me, his nonchalance at referring to me as his girlfriend. I blinked up at him and it really hit me. Struck me dumb right then and there. My heart flooded with emotion so strong, so powerful and deep rooted I forgot about the desire he stirred up in me. I loved him. I still loved him and I probably always would. He would be it for me. My one and only and I was okay with that. As terrified of the idea as I should have been, that was how at peace I was with the knowledge. I loved Eliot.

I pushed up on the balls of my feet and planted a kiss on his cheek.

He looked down at me, brow drawn quizzically, "What's that for?"

I shrugged, taking his hand, "Let's go home."

We said our goodbyes to everyone. Sophie winked at me like she could read my mind. I don't know maybe she could. Maybe my emotions were written on my face plain as day. I didn't know and at the moment I didn't care. We got into his glossy orange Challenger, pulling out of the parking lot he headed for my place.

"Eliot," I said while he waited for a stop light to turn green.

"Hmm?" He murmured, watching the light over head.

"Take me to your place."

I may as well have slapped him if the shock on his face held any indication of his absolute astonishment with my request. I bit my lower lip while he searched my face for whatever he expected to find. A car behind us honked when the light turned green and the car didn't move. Eliot maintained enough presence of mind to wave the guy around us. Then he went back to staring at me for another handful of seconds.

"Faye," his voice roughened with all sorts of things that left my panties twisted and damp, "honey are you sure you want to…"

I grabbed the back of his neck, pulling him toward me while I leaned in. I pressed my mouth to his and stoked the fire between us a little more. Tonight I wanted those flames as hot as they could get. Hotter than the sun. Hot enough to burn the world. I wouldn't give him up for the world and everything in it and he needed to know that.

When I pulled back and he looked as if he'd love to climb into the back seat with me, "Eliot, don't make me ask again. Your place. Please."

He flicked on the left turn signal instead of going straight ahead toward mine. "What about Annie?"

"You bought her that expensive food and water dispenser. She knows what to do with it. I hear the damn thing go off all hours of the day." I shot him a sidelong glance as the scenery of streets I didn't really know passed the car. "Eliot are you stalling?"

He shook his head minutely, "No Faye, honey, I'm…" his mouth flattened out, "I'm tryin' to figure out what changed. You've been making me wait for almost three months. Don't get me wrong darlin', I don't mind waiting for you." He glanced at me then turned his attention back to the road, "I'm curious. Why now?"

I smiled at him; a secretive smile that I hoped would leave him wondering. "You're a smart man, you'll figure it out."

His place seemed a lot like my place with a handful of exceptions. One, he had rooftop access where he no doubt kept his personal garden of veggies and greens. Two, the interior of his apartment felt Spartan and decidedly male. Nothing overtly said 'professional thief' to me. Last, but certainly not least, Eliot's place reflected Eliot's personality. The set up of his personal dojo, complete with punching bag and Hanzo sword on display. There were shelves of books and magazines that reminded me of the difference between our personalities and preferences. Last but not least the kitchen that seemed well used and lived in despite him having been gone these last two weeks.

I shivered when his lips descended on the column of my neck. He pressed soft, just the other side of chaste kisses against the skin he found until it was almost too much. I leaned into him, eyes closed, my legs weak. "I'm literally walking into the wolf's den, aren't I?"

Blue eyes lit up with a playful, almost boyish light. He drew me in closer, hands on my hips, lips barely brushing against my neck, voice husky, and rough, "We can turn around right now and I'll take you home Faye."

I believe he would have. Leaning into his chest I kissed him hard, my fingers clutching at the nape of his neck while I eased the other hand under his shirts to rake my nails down his stomach. He growled against my mouth, every bit the hungry wolf ready to devour me at a moment's notice. A hard lump formed in his jeans pressing insistently against my belly. I moaned when he returned the favor, both of his hands pushed under the edge of my top to massage the base of my spine.

My knees felt like mushy jell-o.

He kissed me until I forgot everything except him. My fingers worked at the buttons to his shirt while he unbuckled my belt and then undid the zipper to my jeans. We both stopped long enough to litter the floor with unwanted clothing. I realized we were in the bathroom instead of the bedroom when the lights flickered on and they were far too bright.

I blinked up at him, my eyes adjusting to the white lights.

Eliot nipped my lower lip before I could ask why we were not making very good use of his bed right now. "I've been on a plane for sixteen hours."

And I'd been working all day. Good point. The shower looked to be one of those triangular jobs yet large enough for two people to stand comfortably together under the spray. My heart began to beat double time in my chest. Eliot wanted to shower with me. Oh my god. Nervous energy flooded my veins while he set the spray to a comfortable temperature. Then he stripped off his shirt and dropped his jeans. My mind flew out the bathroom door with one monosyllabic, guh.

Stripping down to nothing made me feel a little self conscious. I'm average at most since I quit taking Tae Kwon Do.

He still pulled me under the spray with him, smiling that smile men get when they know they're about to get laid. I couldn't fault him for it, I'd wear that smile too if I were him. Showering with someone else isn't like the romance novels or the erotica novels, the other person doesn't go out and buy your brand of shampoo or soap. There usually isn't any gentle massage, nor do you immediately start grabbing the walls and bracing for best sex of your life.

There's some awkward maneuvering, soap getting in places that might sting and a lot of laughing. And kissing. Slippery, sudsy, playful groping. Fingers getting tangled in wet hair while slick bodies pressed against one another. Moans of pleasure and sighs of anticipation mixed with the steady beat of the water on our skin and the low electric buzz of the ceiling lights.

I gripped his biceps crying out his name when he slipped blunt, dexterous fingers between my legs.

He groaned in my ear, his beard scraping my chin and neck where he kissed and bit me. "Jesus, Faye…" his thumb moved in lazy, maddening circles around that little bundle of nerves at the apex of my core. "You're so wet," one finger eased inside of me sliding back and forth in a slow, easy rhythm, "so wet for me."

I couldn't help the wanton sounds emitting from my throat, nor did I want to. Dragging his face to mine, pressing my lips to his and moaning out a litany of desire for him and only him. He added a second finger, then a third. His thumb moved faster and faster until my whole body felt like I would fall apart if he didn't just let me come. Fingers weren't enough, oh god they were so good but they weren't enough. I needed him. All of him. Just him. "Please," I begged clutching at his shoulder, his arms, my nails digging into flesh to stop the maddening need for him, "please Eliot, please."

His forehead fell on my mine, sticky with perspiration from the steam and heat of the shower. "Condoms are in the bedroom Faye," the roughness in his voice, the sheer desire so blatant and raw almost did me in right there. He moved his other hand from my hip to shut off the taps but I stopped him.

"No," I shook my head, "here, right here, right now."

Eliot's mind-numbingly talented fingers slowed down, his blue eyes burning into mine. "You still on the pill Faith?"

I nodded, unable to fathom a vocal response.

He growled out a sound somewhere between pain, pleasure and desire.

Then we fucked in a frantic, wild kind of way.

---

Morally I know I should find it strange to be okay with any of them stealing anything, but I don't. I don't find my reaction strange or see anything wrong with their team, Leverage Consulting. I saw the people they helped. Well, technically I didn't meet Sister Agnes, but I saw her picture and the pictures of the kids they would be helping. Nate let me sit in on the briefing because I asked if I could. I'd never seen any of them do their thing before. I thought it would be cool.

Holy crap was it. While I admit to being a geek, Alec is a bigger geek. I would crown him king of the geeks if it were up to me. I said so after the briefing finished. I got a fist bump from him and a brilliant grin in return.

Throughout the briefing I ran fingers through Eliot's much shorter hair, and he didn't stop me. No one seemed to notice or care. One of his hands rested on my thigh tapping out a slow, steady, repeating rhythm. He looked at me with those blue eyes afterwards, watching me for something. Maybe a reaction to the knowledge they'd be stealing millions from a Prime Minister oh so sinister.

I pecked his cheek, a little scruffy like always, "What?"

Blue eyes alight with warmth, he smiled at me. He pulled my seat closer to his, our jean clad knees bumping one another. "You good with this?"

Playing with a lock of hair against the base of his neck, "Why wouldn't I be?"

Behind me Parker clapped, a child like clap followed by an equally giddy laugh. Alec shot me that grin again when I looked back at them. Parker's gaze shifted to behind Eliot, "Can I do it now?"

Eliot's brows furrowed in uncertainty, "Do what?"

Parker slapped a piece of paper with my name on it down in front of me. An e-ticket. Portland to Washington D.C. I disengaged myself from my boyfriend to look at the innocuous piece of paper before me.

I think I might have looked a little confused.

"You've got vacation days coming," Alec informed me, "an' Eliot gets all grumpy when he doesn't see you for a few days."

Eliot glared at Alec, grinding out, "Hardison," between his teeth.

A delicate arm wound its way around Eliot's shoulders. "We've discussed it," Sophie patted his bicep, "and we all think you two deserve a little alone time."

Nate came to stand on the other side of the table, "Once the job is done take a couple of days, on us."

Technically the day we arrived in D.C. was our five month anniversary. My hands smelled unpleasantly like the perfumed towels they used in first class, and the Dramamine I took for the motion sickness left me feel sluggish. Alec, Parker and Eliot seemed to be in decent spirits. Alec chuckled, darkly with subtext I wasn't quite sure I wanted to understand from the back of the rental truck. I turned from the front seat to look at him in questioning.

"Castleman security," he elaborated, tapping the screen of his tablet, "round two."

In the driver's seat Eliot's mouth turned up at the corners, while Parker gave me this devious smirk that left me modestly frightened of her. I didn't think I wanted to know the story. No, strike that, I did want to know the story. Only to understand why they would enjoy sticking it to the same company again. Color me strange but I'm not usually one for revenge/vengeance unless I know they have it coming.

Then karma can have at them until she's satisified.

Once we checked in the trio of thieves went into a few quick rounds of review, strategize and alternate planning in the room Eliot and I were supposed to share. After I showered, I lay curled up on the bed watching them. Absolutely fascinated by the way they worked together. Like part of a machine, well oiled and almost seamlessly integrated. They knew each other's roles like their own. Alec would hack, Eliot would put down the opposition and Parker sealed the deal. I loved it. Watching them work was better than watching my favorite television show or playing my favorite video game. Better than watching Frank Herbert's Dune for the umpteenth time though I would never admit it to anyone. Not even Eliot.

Eventually I fell asleep. I couldn't say when Eliot came to bed. I only had the vaguest recollection of him wrapping an arm around me at some point in the quiet dark. His warm breath on my neck as he pressed a kiss behind one of my ears and told me to go back to sleep.

The clock on my read 6:45 am when I finally woke up. Eliot, of course, was gone. No doubt beating down a few Catstleman Security guards by now. Or he'd be crawling through the vents with Parker, because Alec refused. Dust mites and pincers. Either way there would be no point in worrying unless they didn't show up at 8:30. I had explicit instructions to give them until nine fifteen and then I was to call Nate and/or Sophie.

I suppose in a way, I am an early warning system instead of a fourth wheel.

My granddad always told me, never waste time lest time waste you. I spent time curling my hair and dabbing on a bit of makeup, I'm not much for it but Sophie has been attempting to teach me when I let her. The "Continental" breakfast downstairs in the hotel failed miserably. The Starbucks I found via GPS – Alec wouldn't let me keep my old phone, he forced an Android on me as soon as humanly possible – and bought the largest Chai tea they had and a blueberry scone.

By 8:15 I was plopped down in the designated meeting spot reading the last Sookie Stackhouse novel with big ol' tears in my eyes. Eliot bought me a Kindle Fire on our four month anniversary. Only because I wouldn't take the black Amex card he tried to give me originally. Silly man, as if I wanted to spend his millions. He wouldn't tell me how to change the account over to my own Amazon account though. And somehow he got Alec to lock it so that I wouldn't be able to switch it over. I suppose that was his way of trying to win the argument on who pays for what.

I saw the trio entering the square a little before 8:22. I had only just finished the last page, and the sappy part of me took into account the way Alec and Parker walked along side by side as if they'd always been that way. I caught up with them, pecking Eliot's cheek with a kiss and tugging gently on his shirt. The shirt I got him before we left, because it reminded me of him. Red with Japanese Kanji on the front. It said wolf which amused him to no end.

"Nice shirt cowboy," I murmured against his skin.

He gave me that crooked smile of his and pinched my bottom.

Alec talked to someone on the phone. Parker opened the small, flat…whoa…

"Are those diamonds?" I felt like I shouted it but my voice sounded more like a faint whisper. I looked at each of them in turn, "Jesus… I've never seen anything that big except on television. Holy crap."

Their smiles said they thought my reaction funny.

I scowled, "Hey, the chips on my engagement ring were the size of needle heads okay? Stop judging the poor girl."

Alec gave Eliot a look then that I couldn't quite read. Eliot shook his head in response. He took the sparking bounty they procured (Purloined? Requisitioned? Commandeered? Pilfered?), boxed it, and dropped it unceremoniously into the mailbox. It felt strangely anti-climactic after all the prep work they went through the night before.

Eliot and I sacrificed hotel sex and joining the mile high club for a box dropped in the mail?

I may have been pouting.

Alec laughed on the phone while he spoke to Nate, or Nate's voice mail. Parker ruffled my hair with a good natured smile on her face. I think because I'm shorter, the two of them tend to forget that I am older than they are.

Eliot wrapped one of his arms around my shoulders as we began crossing the square. He looked as if he were thinking deeply about something. I leaned my head on him briefly in an attempt to bring him back to reality. His arm tightened around my shoulders for half a moment, his brow still furrowed deeply. "Do you want a diamond that big?" He didn't look at me when he asked.

I stopped walking, floored. Did he just…? Had he…? I swallowed hard, my heart fluttering in my chest wildly like a trapped butterfly. The bottom of my stomach dropped out and for a handful of seconds I didn't dare breathe.

When he finally turned his gaze on me, those blue eyes seem to search my face for an answer. Then his phone rang. Solemnly Eliot looked at me half a breath longer before answering the offending ringing object. His tone, his whole demeanor shifted from soft and thoughtful to hard and laced with anger.

At the words, "I don't do that anymore," I went cold.

There were a lot of things Eliot used to do that he did not do anymore. One thing at the top of the list stuck out like a sore thumb. The question, the words to ask were there on my lips, but I held them back. I held my tongue held my breath and tried not to go there but that was like trying not to watch a train wreck. No matter how much you wanted to turn away, it was still happening.

Alec wanted to keep walking and part of me was right there with him.

"Just because I'm not doing it," Eliot said solemnly, "doesn't mean it's not getting done."

Another part of me knew my boyfriend was right, "Someone will…" I couldn't bring myself to say it. It is one thing to know people die and completely different thing to know someone was about to die before their time and be able to stop it.

"Somebody," Alec said, "somewhere," and he made the universal signal for a gun shooting.

I swallowed bile. I gripped the strap of my messenger bag tightly. "I'll go back to the hotel."

Eliot shook his head, his shorter hair moving a little with the breeze. "No, honey." He pulled me close and kissed me hard, harder than he'd ever kissed me before. His fingers went into my hair, whispering, "I love you," against my lips.

I kissed him back, telling him softly, "If you get yourself killed I will drag you back from the afterlife and kill you myself."

They went one way, and I took Eliot's black Amex card without argument this time. I did as instructed in case of emergency and rented a car. I drove. I drove until my nerves got the better of me. At some point I'd passed the state line into Pennsylvania. There were Amish on the road. Hands shaking I pulled off to the first place that advertised food and worked on making certain I wasn't going into shock. Violence and I, despite the men I chose to involve myself with, did not mix well.

Two cokes later I did as told. Technically ordered but I chose to overlook that because it was probably going to save my life, I kept driving. I ended up back in Bay Ridge, sitting at my old favorite pizza place about two blocks from my old apartment building. Brooklyn looked the same as it always had, smelled like it always had. New York pizza tasted like it always had, crispy, oily, sweet tangy tomato sauce and salty mozzarella. Thinking those things kept me from thinking about my phone. Thinking that it had yet to ring with a phone call or text message. I touched it every couple of minutes checking to make sure the battery hadn't died on me or something equally bad.

Two pm rolled passed, and nothing happened. I couldn't sit in the pizza place all day. I went walking in my old neighborhood, rode the subway around just in case anyone had followed me. I doubted it but Christ almighty hanging out with thieves was making me paranoid. Three pm passed while I walked through Central Park. I hung out near Alice in Wonderland, the Mad Hatter and the White Rabbit.

A little after four my phone finally rang. Alec.

"Everyone alive?" I asked softly, a tight ball of apprehension sat like lead in the pit of my stomach.

"Uh, yeah," Alec's voice held that tone of hesitation, "Eliot wants to know where you are."

I rolled my shoulders looking around at the people milling around me. "Tell him I'm in that place he dropped a couple of hundred to be alone with me a few years back."

Alec relayed the information. There was a distinct, exhausted chuckle. Eliot spoke but I couldn't make out what he said. Alec made a sound, and then his voice came back to the phone, "Woman you drove all the way to Manhattan?"

I laughed, emotionally spent, "Yeah." I stood up and began walking in the direction of the subway I needed to take to get back to Brooklyn. "Everyone's okay though, right?"

Alec hesitated half a breath too long in his answer. I could practically see him looking at Eliot with that pointed 'what do you want me to tell her' look.

I stopped dead in my tracks, "Alec."

"Gimmie the phone Hardison," Eliot's voice was gruff, and pained.

My eyes closed, I waited until the phone switched hands. "Are you alright?" I asked once he had the phone.

"Faye," He breathed out a long, heavy sigh, "come back down to D.C. We can-"

Maybe the stress made me a little emotional, maybe the fear made me a little crazy, I could blame my reaction on a lot of things. "Eliot Spencer, unless you answer me right now or I will never, ever speak to you again. I will quit working at the pub. I will disappear and there is not a goddamn diamond in this world nice enough for you to get me back once that happens."I took one breath, "So I'm going to ask you one more time and you had better answer me or I'm hanging up and you can kiss us goodbye. Are. You. Alright?"

"I've been shot," he told me, his voice taking on that soft quality he usually had with me, "once in the shoulder and once in the leg. Through and throughs, I'll be fine once I get some stitches."

I forgot about heading to the subway. I walked to the closest bench on rubbery legs and sat down, head bowed, fingers clutching the phone with one hand. My other hand gripped at my knee. "Are you in a hospital?"

He chuckled, sounding exhausted but a little happy, "I don't do hospitals honey."

I knew that, but one could hope. "Okay," my legs didn't feel any better but I headed toward the subway again. "Go stitch yourself up. Or get Parker to do it, or something. I'll be back soon." Then, because my heart ached in my chest and my throat threatened to tighten, I said, "I love you, you stubborn mule of a man."

"Next vacation will be better," he told me.

I wanted to believe that.

---

Combing my hair back into place I silently cursed the plane ride followed by the Oklahoma weather. I flipped my boyfriend the bird because his hair, while sometimes not weather proof, didn't seem to frizz up at all once we were off the plane. Then again he was wearing a hat and for all I knew he could have hat hair underneath. Still, I wanted to make a good impression on his father.

Waiting in the car felt plain wrong when we finally did arrive at the quiet little house Eliot said his father lived in. Eliot looked a little nervous. Considering he hadn't seen his father since he enlisted, nervous was to be expected. His fingers wrapped around the handle on the beer we'd picked up because it was his dad's preferred brand. I gave him a bright, hopeful smile as he walked up the couple of steps and down the walkway to the door.

There began a sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach when I heard Eliot knock twice and, say, "Dad," a little bit louder than the first time.

I watched the curtains and blinds for movement any sign that the person with the lights on in the house could possibly have some interest in the man standing at the door. Inevitably Eliot walked back to us, the truck, Annie in her cat carrier and me. His hands tucked into his jacket and his eyes reddened and downward cast. He left the beer at the door. I stepped toward him, into his chest, my arms loping through his to link at his back. I hugged him tightly, murmuring softly about it being okay.

Telling him he would be okay.

In all honestly I would have liked to say that in the interim his dad came to his damn senses and realize he only had one son. Tell you that a man that looked like an older, slightly burlier version of Eliot came out and grumbled at us to get our sorry selves into his house. He didn't though. No one came out for the handful of minutes I stood with Eliot by the truck.

Eventually we left.

I had Annie in my lap while she worked on cleaning her furry self. Every so often she sent me a dirty glare as if asking why on earth I would put her through the horror of the cat carrier and a plane ride. If she understood what a plane was. Gently I rubbed behind her ears and tried to think about how Eliot was much, much too quiet. Not his angry sort of quiet that would have been preferable to this. There was no sign of his stoic demeanor while he mulled over whatever thoughts were going through his mind.

Asking the obligatory 'are you okay' felt ridiculous. Like asking someone who'd lost an arm if they would like to play baseball or something equally dim-witted. Thankfully my phone ringing interrupted the awkward quiet in the car. I pulled out my cell, inwardly groaning when I realized it was my family calling for our regular phone date. I'd forgotten about my grandfather's insistence that we speak every week.

I unlocked it to answer, "Hey pop, can I call you back later?"

Sounding a little disappointed, "Sure thing doodlebug." He paused, "Everything okay there?"

I opened my mouth to say no, not really when an idea struck me. I looked at Eliot who remained deeply rooted in his own thoughts. "Pop, you and nona still have a couple of guest rooms right?"

My grandfather's voice grew even more concerned "An' your room is still yours. What's wrong, that boy given you grief again?"

I almost laughed, almost. He's a few years from 40 and they're still calling him boy. They already knew Eliot was back in my life. I couldn't hide that from them, not that I would or wanted to. "No, actually I was thinking of bringing him home." In the driver's seat Eliot came out of his thoughts enough to cast me a sideways glance in questioning. "We're out in Oklahoma so it might take us a few hours to get there but…"

There was the sound of quick shuffling, and my grandmother's voice came on the phone sweet as ever. "You tell your young man," she was born in 1934, yes she still uses terms like 'young man', "that if he doesn't come home with you we will be very upset with him." She paused for a moment, her voice suddenly sounding very businesslike when she spoke again, "Doodlebug, is he there?"

"Yes nona," I replied.

"Then put him on the phone," she told me, "I'll wait."

Eliot must have heard her because he was already pulling off to the shoulder. Our fingers brushed as I passed the phone over. I took the opportunity to kiss his cheek, which Annie did not appreciate since it disrupted her almost complete bath. She settled between us on the seat and stretched herself out in order to finish cleaning her fur.

"Yes ma'am," Eliot said listening to my grandmother talk his ear off. He nodded a couple of times in succession, "Yes ma'am, I do." Curiosity piqued, I tried to concentrate on hearing her side of the conversation but he shifted my phone to the other ear so I couldn't hear it very well. "Yes ma'am," he said glancing at me with those blue eyes that made me all kinds of melty inside, "I will."

Apparently that was not to be the end of the phone call. I watched as Eliot's back got a little straighter as he sat up and then I heard the differences in the voice on the other end of the phone. Mortified I realized my grandfather, who might have still had misgivings regarding a renewed relationship between Eliot and I, had gotten back on the phone. I knew the two of them got on well way back when, but that was before Eliot and I formed a relationship beyond friendship. Nervously I watched Eliot's face, waiting for him to speak.

Finally after an eternity of cars passing us on the highway, Eliot looked over at me and reached out to brush some hair behind my ear. I grabbed his hand in mine and kissed his knuckles which made him smile a little. He laced our fingers together, tugging me over to his side of the truck's cab. I had to move Annie back into my lap. I could still hear my grandfather talking on the other end, but it wasn't in a stern authoritative voice. The kind of voice he used when pop got upset or angry. I leaned against Eliot's shoulder, pressing soft butterfly kisses against his neck.

"I love you," I whispered in his ear, making him smile despite the depressed cloud he had hanging over his head.

"I will sir," Eliot said once my grandfather's voice had stopped on the other end of the phone, "and I understand. Thank you." He handed me back the phone, looking marginally happier than he had before.

"Pop," I said cautiously into the receiver, "what did you say? You didn't threaten him did you?" Which my grandfather had done to Andy on a few different occasions. The first time when he realized Andy and I were getting close, the second when he found out Andy and I had sex, the third time right after Andy proposed. What can I say? My grandfather is really protective of me.

"No," he groused, I could almost picture him scowling at the home phone, "now get yourselves back on the road. We'll see you soon doodlebug."

Eliot of course was already pulling back onto the high way.

"Love you pop, see you soon."

We hung up.

Knowing better than to ask Eliot what my grandfather may have said to him didn't keep me from wondering the whole ride. Oh I could prod and question but that would get me absolutely no where with him. Instead I focused my energies on using Google maps to navigate us back to my childhood home. Somewhere we hadn't been together since very early in our friendship. A few hours passed, Annie thankfully didn't need a pit stop for a cleaning of her carrier.

Eliot and I spoke of course, talking about the job he'd just done with the team to take down a company some of my friends made the mistake of working for during college. I pointed out the very pretty girl that owned the grocery store. A girl he probably would have asked out if he hadn't already been attached to me. Which made him smile that smile of his, the one that made me weak kneed ask me if I was jealous. I admitted I might have been just a little bit.

Night had settled in by the time we turned down the dirt and gravel road that lead to my grandparent's place. The ranch wasn't very big, but we had a barn for the horses and a separate place for the handful of staff to live. The bunch of dogs my grandparents owned howled out our arrival before Eliot even parked the truck.

While putting Annie back in the crate to save her from the sniffing dogs I noticed Eliot doing something peculiar. He was looking at the mileage on the truck. When he looked up and caught me watching him he leaned over and pulled me into a kiss that took my breath away.

"What was that for?" I murmured against his lips, pleasantly surprised.

"You live exactly two hundred miles from where I grew up," he told me in a voice so reverent my heart and stomach both flipped inside me.

I blinked at him, a little shocked by the idea. A few things fell into place in that moment. If he'd never joined the army then we wouldn't be together right now. The ifs, the ands and the whys all lined up like the perfect set of dominos. Before that I'd never really thought of those things, oh I knew them but they didn't really occur in the same string of thought processes. We lived within two hundred miles of each other as children and would have never known the other existed if our paths hadn't intersected like they did.

Destiny, fate, providence, whatever. You are one crazy, albeit brilliant, bitch.

"Oh you are so getting laid tonight," I told him with another quick kiss.

His gaze went past me to the front door where I assumed my grandfather and grandmother were probably waiting for us on the front porch. Eliot seemed to weigh the idea of having sex under my grandparent's roof for a few beats, and then he said, "Making love to you is worth him pulling a rifle on me."

I couldn't decide if that was funny or horrifying, so I kissed him again. "Don't worry Eliot, I was married remember? They know I'm not a virgin." That didn't seem to make him feel any better.

There were big tears in my grandmother's eyes when she saw me. Times like these, when she pulled me into her arms and kissed my cheeks and called me her baby that I regretted going to college. I thought about what it would have been like to stay home and take part in the ranch. The road not traveled as they say. I hugged her back, noting she'd gotten skinnier since last Christmas. I kissed her cheek too, and her forehead the scent of her rosemary and chamomile shampoo filling my nose.

Next to us my grandfather shook Eliot's hand. "Good to see you son," he said.

As impeccable as Eliot's poker face could be, today's events combined with my grandfather calling him that of all things got to him. I could see it in the lines of his frame. "Sir," he said his voice just the slightest bit strained. He turned to my grandmother offering his hand and a peck on the cheek.

She shushed at him. "Stop that," my grandmother drew him into a hug, wrapped her arms around him and said, "You are family."

His eyes were wet when she finally released him, though he wasn't crying. He wrapped one arm around my waist once I finished hugging my grandfather. Eliot pressed his lips against my temple and said so softy I doubted anyone but me, the dogs and Annie would hear it, "I love you."

I pushed up on my toes and kissed him soundly, "I love you too."

Eliot had, politely, told my grandparents he was fine staying in another room.

My grandfather had laughed at him, patted his shoulder and told my boyfriend flatly, "Son, if you think I don't know you two have been sleeping together, you've got another thing coming."

I think I may have turned bright red.

My grandparents, in their eighties and sharper than tacks. My grandfather still looked like he could go a few rounds in a ring. He boxed when he was in Korea. My grandmother stood about a head shorter than him, hair shades of auburn and brown. She'd been a looker in her day, dozens of boyfriends with broken hearts before my grandfather got down on one knee and asked her to be his. He still worked with some of the horses and she still baked her own bread and pastries.

Explains my stubborn streak.

The burn of embarrassment abated by the time we were safely ensconced in my old room. The queen size bed – it was a twin before I got married – looked like there were fresh sheets on it with newly fluffed pillows. Annie happened to love my bed. She plopped herself on the pile of pillows like a royal princess might have taken a cushy seat in court. She hadn't liked the dogs sniffing her crate too much but then she was a fearless little creature. She swatted at their noses when they got too close.

I sat down on the bed petting her while Eliot brought up my carry on. He didn't fly with luggage. Annie was in a soft, almost snoring sleep and he still hadn't come back up. I went outside to where the railing met the wall and looked down into the room below. Eliot stood with my grandfather, much the way he had with Andy all those years ago.

Instead of eavesdropping like I had last time, I edged to the top of the stairs and began to head down. They carried on their conversation anyway. I could hear my grandmother working in the kitchen, singing a song to herself about the coasts of a country I may never see. The stairs made old creaking sounds, familiar as they were comfortable. I waited there at the bottom of the staircase watching Eliot and my grandfather talk to one another, nothing specific. They just spoke like old friends. Eliot said something that made my grandfather smile warmly and pat Eliot on the shoulder. Then he turned and went into the kitchen, more than likely to inquire about dinner.

I cocked my head, watching Eliot approach with my messenger bag in hand. "What was that about?" He gave me this look, blue eyes bright. Eliot set the strap of my bag on the handle to the staircase letting the bag hang just there. Then he wrapped both arms around me, drawing me into his frame. His dark hair framed his face when he smiled at me. I reached up and tucked a few strands behind his ear.

"You," he murmured to me, punctuating the word with a slow burning kiss that stoked that ever present flare of attraction between us. One of his hands moved to the small of my back, fingers pressing me as close as we could get.

The intimacy of our position made me blush. Still I wrapped my arms around his shoulder, kissing him back until the heady sensations of equal parts love and desire left my knees wobbly. "Mmm," I let the fingers of one hand trail from the base of his neck to the middle of his back and back up again. "What about me?"

Instead of answering, he just kissed me again.

---

The people I knew while growing up were still doing the same thing they had been twenty odd years ago. Mister D'Angelo still ran the barber shop with the help of his son and now grandson. Mister Yuen and his wife ran the Golden Palace, the only place to get Chinese food within ten miles though now apparently they added a sushi bar at some point. Marty and Mary-Ellen Steinberg's faces were on each and every bench advertising their ability to sell a house even in this market. Thelma White had her mannequins with their retro 50's, 60's and 70's styles standing outside her second hand shop with pleasantly raised hands waiting to welcome people into the store. Susan and Stella Barkov were now in charge of their dad's diner where Eliot and I decided to get lunch.

People walked down the street, some I knew others I barely recalled. I saw the Prom Queen go by driving a stroller with two red haired toddlers strapped in. A guy I knew from chorus walked hand in hand down the street with one of Andy's cousins.

Nothing about the town had changed except the people. They had aged and had children of their own. I felt a little like I'd gone back in some sort of sideways time machine.

"You look different," a vaguely familiar voice.

I turned away from watching the people outside the restaurant window to the woman standing at the edge of our table. Recognition took a moment or two to spark. I could feel my forehead creasing with disbelief as I took in the honey blonde hair, still sleek and shiny, but with a few grey strands here and there. Her eyes, green as pine trees in winter and twice as cold still held that haughty tone. Her clothes still said money, though I suspected it was her husband's and not her father's now.

"Candace Lowell?" I half wanted to get out of my seat and give her a hug. If only for old time's sake. We were friends for a little while, movies, sleepovers, pep rallies, the whole nine yards. And then Andy gave me a promise ring and I found out who my real friends actually were. Instead of hugging her I tried to smile as warmly as I could, "How are you?"

Deflecting the question, "I heard you changed back to your maiden name." One hand on her hip, French manicured tips biting into her pinstriped pencil skirt. The mild hostility in her tone and posture spoke volumes, "And I heard you moved to New York."

"Oregon," I told her, eyeing the bathroom area for Eliot's return. "I lived in New York for a while but I moved to Portland about a year ago." I nodded at the solid looking sparkly rock on her finger surrounded by smaller, equally bright diamonds. "I see you're married. Who is the lucky guy?"

She sniffed, flipping her hair over one shoulder, her chin going up almost defensively. "Jack Kennedy. Eight years now. He works with my father." Her daddy was the best defense lawyer in the county way back when.

"Oh, congratulations," I tried to keep the surprise out of my voice. Jack Kennedy had been more of a brute than a smooth talker. Fists first, don't bother asking questions. I could only imagine how that went over in court. "Any children?"

"I see you didn't get married again." More deflection followed by a vicious little twist at the corner of her mouth, "Not even engaged?" Her voice drew out the last word as if she might be trying to rub in the fact that I hadn't taken up with anyone else yet.

She was certainly trying to spend my good will awful fast, and I really did not want to play her games. I sighed in resignation. "Is there something you wanted Candace besides rubbing my face in a life I don't want or envy?" I can be just as bitchy when I have to be, I just don't choose to be. I'm not that person. Normally.

On some level I think my disregard for her haughty, high horse behavior stung. Her green eyes narrowed, hardening, her lips pursing, "Excuse me?"

"If you missed it Candace, I was trying to do the right thing and be polite. I don't know what set you off or why, nor do I care. I'm on vacation, and I don't have time to play your petty game of who has done what since high school. I am not interested in your small-minded grievances whatever they may be. And if you are still pissed off that Andy chose to date me and marry me, you have some genuinely phenomenal issues to talk through with your shrink." I waved my hand at her dismissively, "I moved on with my life, why haven't you?"

Right on cue Eliot rounded the corner, returning to our window side booth. He must have noticed the angry vibrations coming off Candace in waves, but he gave her his polite good ol' boy smile. The smile that could knock a woman right off her feet, "Excuse me ma'am."

Candace broke eye contact with me, lost her heart and head and melted into a gooey puddle of grown woman in front of us. I rolled my eyes as her fingers immediately went from their place on her hip to her chest. "Oh," her voice sounded a little breathless, "I'm sorry." She took a half step closer to him, "I didn't realize you were there." Her fingers strayed just a little to the v created by her blouse and breasts, toying absently with the material right above the buttons.

I wondered if Jack Kennedy knew his wife was probably sleeping around on him.

"Just goin' back to my girlfriend," Eliot kept on with that smile even when he slid into the seat across from me.

"Oh," a pout formed on her lips, quickly followed by a look most women wore when they realized Eliot was with me. A sort of 'are you kidding' expression crossed her face briefly. I'll never really understand it; I don't think I ever have. Extremely good looking people belong with other extremely good looking people in the mass populace rule book. Or at least it read that way in the American populace rule book.

In the half second it took Candace to realize Eliot was with me – all five feet two inches, plain brown hair, steel grey eyes and a smattering of freckles on my European descendant skin – she went from gooey puddle of womanhood, bypassed her self righteousness from before and went into full on bitch mode. Silently of course, lest she convince Eliot she was insane as well as petty.

Her lips pursed, her eyes harder than marble, she nodded at me, "Faith." And walked her boney, knock off designer clad ass away from our table.

"I remember her," Eliot told me once Candace left the vicinity. I gave him a questioning look. "From after the funeral," he elaborated, "I turned her away from your door a few times when you weren't up to seeing people."

I blinked at him in surprise, "You never told me that."

His lips thinned into a grimace, "She wasn't there to see you Faye."

Our waitress Marie came by, not someone I could say I knew but I recognized her face well enough. She knew me though, remembered my order of large fries with honey mustard and a strawberry shake hold the burger. I dipped one golden colored potato slice after Marie left. "And?" I said, "don't leave me hanging Eliot, what did she want? To jump your bones? Because, honestly, that is completely understandable. You are sexy, capitalization on the S-E-X-Y."

He shot me a half hearted glare, "First time I let her in I thought she was dropping off a casserole from her family. I took my eyes off her for a minute to put it away in the fridge and came back finding her pawing through your stuff. She stuffed a couple of pictures of you and Andy into her purse an' when I went to throw her out she started telling me things I didn't want to know." He shook his head, "Pretty sure she was lying, but you don't talk ill of the dead like that."

I swallowed around bile, "What kind of things?"

Uncomfortable could only describe the way he looked right then, he looked down at the burger with cheddar cheese and jalapenos on his plate, "You sure you want to know?"

I nodded of course. Call it my masochistic side.

"She said you blackmailed Andy into marrying you."

I dropped my fries back on the plate in annoyance, "Heard that rumor before. There's one about me faking being pregnant to get a ring out of him. There were a bunch of rumors after he gave me the promise ring, even more after we actually got married. Do you know how many times the school nurse pulled me in to have a safe sex talk with me? Or the principal called my house warning my grandparents that if I did turn up pregnant I would have to go to a different school?" I wrinkled my nose not so much interested in my lunch any more. "Did she tell you the one where my grandfather held him at gunpoint at the altar? Half the town was there wishing us good luck and they still spread that crap around like wild fire."

"You two were trying to get pregnant though," Eliot said after a few quiet moments. He watched me with those blue, blue eyes of his. "I saw the tests in the trash first time I went to check up on you."

Wiping my fingers on a napkin, "We'd talked about it and we were going to try after graduation. I stopped taking the pill the January before he died. For a while after he died I thought I might be." One fry dragged through the gold-brown mustard on my plate. Then I went where we never really ventured before. The future. Our future. We never discussed it before because we were trying to take this, us, it one day at a time. As far as I knew, yes Eliot wanted to be with me for the long haul. He never actually said the words before though.

"I want kids one day Eliot. I love Annie to pieces but a cat can't make up for kids and a family. I want to have a baby, or adopt or have foster kids or something. I want to get married again and stay married. Nobody dying. I want dance lessons or soccer practice, and maybe a martial arts class because I know you're all about self defense. I want to teach our kid to ride a bike and eventually to drive a car. See them take off in a limo for prom after you've sufficiently glared at their date. See them graduate and get married and have kids of their own."

For a few moments he was horribly silent and we just watched each other from across the table. This wasn't where today was supposed to go. We had at least another six days before we had to even start thinking about heading back to Portland. Would this make things uncomfortable between us? Did I upset him? Was he angry?

"I'm wanted in three different countries," he told me finally in a soft, resigned tone. As if he might be preparing to say something he didn't want to say or hear something he didn't want to hear. "If someone found out about you Faye, or our kids or…" his hand formed a tight, angry fist on the table. "I want what you want, hell Faye if I hadn't broken it off with you before we'd probably already be there. I keep thinking sometimes about that, about what our kids will look like. Then I remember the team, our lives and our job and I can't leave them or the work we're doing."

"No one said you had to," I touched his hand across the table, "don't you think I want Parker and Alec and Nate and Sophie in our lives? They're your family and they're growing on me like weeds. I couldn't stop them even if I wanted to. You're a package deal and you know I'm okay with that. I'm more than okay with that."

His hand splayed out under mine, fingers threading through mine. "You're some kind of crazy, sweetheart knowing all you know about me and still wanting to stay."

I rolled my shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. Like I said, Eliot came as a package deal. I either took it or left him. No way I could leave him. Ever. We tried breaking up before and it didn't take. Took us years to get back together, but here we were. Back in Missouri with him holding my hand and talking about the future. Our future.

"I like the name Amanda," I squeezed his hand, "for a girl. Jason for a boy. What about you, any names you like?"

Blue eyes narrowed a bit, "You trying to tell me something sweetheart?" The inflection in his voice, a lot of hope with a little bit of 'holy shit' all mixed together. Recently we'd been using the condoms less and less because for one, he knew I took the pill regularly and two, I trusted him and he trusted me. I could practically see the wheels turning behind his eyes adding up all the times we'd gone without and he came inside me.

Smiling I pushed up to lean across the table and planted a kiss on his lips, "No, not yet, but just so you know cowboy." I leaned in close, dropping my voice to a whisper against his lips, "On our wedding night, no pills, no condoms, just you and me." I nipped his upper and lower lip, eliciting a low growl from him, "Sound good?"

"Eat your lunch before I drag you into the bathroom Faye," his voice sounded husky with the promise of sex later. Lots of wild, wet, amazing sex later. Or, if I was really a bad girl he'd pull me into one of the bathrooms and we would no doubt end up getting kicked out for lascivious behavior.

"Be careful cowboy, I might just take you up on it." I winked at him, licking my lower lip for emphasis. "Don't think the front seat of your rental could take the work out and my knees are opposed to the truck bed if you get my drift."

He growled at me in response, deep and gravelly, sending delicious shivers of anticipation down my spine.

---

On our second to last day in Missouri, Eliot asked to go riding with him. We went out toward the ridge, an over hanging cliff facing a space of grass and trees that looked nice all year round. We lounged in grass, our horses grazing near by. It was good, a good last day to an already great week. My grandparents loved Eliot, and the dogs did too. Next time we were coming out this way, my grandmother and grandfather insisted we bring Eliot's family. I think they assumed when we talked about Parker, Nate, Sophie and Alec that they were sisters, brothers a mother and father.

Eliot didn't make any move to correct them, and I guess I didn't either. In the distance the sun was setting, heavy and orange it turned the whole valley below into a forest on fire. It was breathtakingly beautiful.

"I never said thank you," Eliot told me as we lay stretched out in the grass. Our fingers twined together, interlaced on his stomach.

My head resting on his shoulder, one of my legs over his, I toyed with the buttons of his shirt. "For what?"

"For bringing me here," he turned over, lying on his side to face me.

I turned on my side as well, "You don't have to thank me for that." I brushed a lock of his hair back out of his eyes. Stubbornly it dropped back down. I smiled at him and he laughed that slow, happy laugh of his. It made me feel warm and fuzzy inside. "I love you," I told him, "and I'm always going to love you. Making you happy makes me happy."

He leaned in kissing me, "That's my line Faye, not yours."

"Nah," I said against his lips, pressing back against him again and again, nipping his lower lip with my teeth. "I think we can share it. You'll get it for a few days, and then I'll get it for a few days. Especially when I'm mad at you, then you can have it."

Eliot pulled me in, kissing me harder until we were both breathing heavily. "Faye," he murmured, his lips trailing down the skin of my neck. He rolled us over until he was over me, my back pressed down into the cool grass, cooler now that the sun was almost set. "I love you," he told me, "you know that, don't you?"

I cocked my head at him, a little confused, "Yeah, of course, why do you ask?"

He toyed with my left hand, lacing and unlacing our fingers. "If I asked you today," he said, watching our hands and the way they fit together, "would you marry me?"

In my chest my heartbeat kicked up to a wild pace, "If you asked me today," I swallowed hard, trying to control my breathing, "yes, Eliot I would marry you."

"And," he said not quite meeting my gaze, "if we didn't get married in a church, would you be alright with that?"

I smiled up at him, touching that lock of hair that just refused to stay in place. "Yep, more than okay with it, I promise. I've done the church wedding, can't say I liked it much."

He chuckled, that low scratchy sound deep in his chest. Then he took a deep breath and pulled me up to kneeling with him on the grass. He kept toying with my hands, holding them, lacing our fingers, unlacing them, holding them and back around again. It was unnerving to see him so wound up like this.

I looked up at him curiously, a little confused. "Eliot, I've never seen you nervous before, what's up?"

From his pocket he produced a ring. A single, solitary diamond that caught the dying light and sparkled like nothing I'd ever seen before. He took my hand, sliding the ring onto my ring finger.

"You said," Eliot's voice sounded strange, nervous and tense, "you would if I asked Faye so…" he breathed in deeply again, held it for a short count and asked me. "I'm asking. Faith Anne-Marie Greyhem, would you be my wife?"

Oh. My. God. I screamed a little, a short girly scream and threw my arms around his neck, kissing him for all I was worth and then some. I couldn't fathom up the words to say yes, so I didn't. I kissed him and kept kissing him until we both had to come up to breathe.

"Was that a yes Faye?" Eliot asked me, his voice happy with laughter and of all things, hope.

I pressed my mouth back to his, "Of course it is silly man, as if I would say no."

He held me close telling me softly, "You know we might not be able to get married like other people."

I snorted, "We're not regular people. You're a multi-millionaire thief that works with a bunch of Robin Hood thieves making the world a better place to live in. I work for said group of thieves in their cover operation. Regular, pfft, who wants to be regular? I kind of like our lives."

Eliot wore a serious expression, "Faye, I mean this. You have to know this, so just listen. Being with me, I'm never going to get to have a normal life. I want to have kids with you, and as much as I'd like to have the house and the car and the yard, we might not be able to have all of it. Maybe we might not be able to have any of it. I'm going to try, try for you to give you that but-"

Holding my hand against his mouth, my left hand with the ring on it, "Do you really, truly believe I want you to bend over backwards to give me those things? I don't care if we don't have kids right away. I don't care if we never have the house with the white picket fence. Hell, I don't even want the house with the white picket fence. What I want is to be with you. If that means we have to live in a three story walk up or in my tiny ass apartment, we'll deal with it. You, me, Annie and whoever else comes along."

"A dog," Eliot said to me as we headed back to the horses. "I'd want to get a dog." He wrapped an arm around my shoulders as we walked, "A wolf, or half wolf."

"Annie is going to hate that."

Eliot helped me up onto my horse, "She'll live, besides, she'll be spoiled without a sibling."

We rode back, telling each other along the way the things we'd like for the future. Our future together. He was adamant about the dog being a wolf. We didn't have to have a house, but hell if he wasn't going to try to get us one.

I kept looking at the ring on my finger, my insides turned to gooey mush whenever I did. Eliot asked me to marry him and I said yes. I felt like I had the dumbest grin on my face the whole way home.

The End

---

And that, as they say is that. Thank you for coming back to this story if you remembered it, and thank you for sticking with all 72 pages of it.

48K words. Almost two years of work.

For those who wonder about my grandmother, yes she is still with us. She's very frail now but she still insists on getting up and trying to live her life. She is, however in Hospice care. They've given her about six months to a year.

Good night all.