So this is an important chapter. I did my best not to rush it and really get into their heads especially in the second half, but my writing style has always been very straight to the point. Anyways I hope you enjoy.
The first few minutes of the drive back to Chicago were silent. It was a peaceful easy silence. Neither needed to say anything to feel content in each other's presence. Jay finally decided to speak.
"So I guess I should tell you why I asked you to come with me."
"Yeah I've been wondering about that."
"Honestly the reason seems really stupid looking back, but I'm happy with the way it turned out now." He was actually more than happy with his weekend. Being in his hometown with her was one of the best weekends he could remember.
Erin looked at him waiting for further explanation.
"Alright, so two weeks ago my mom called me. She was trying to set me up for the 100th time. To avoid it I told her I was seeing someone. When she asked what my girlfriends name was yours was the first that came to mind." He smiled then continued, "After that she called me everyday insisting that I bring my girlfriend to the wedding. She didn't stop until I asked you and you agreed to come."
Erin didn't say anything back she was soaking in the story she just heard. She had to admit his reasoning was a bit stupid. Why was it so hard for him to tell his mom to stop setting him up with random girls? But the part about her being the first name that came to mind stuck out from the rest of the story. The idea made her feel giddy like she was in middle school again finding out her crush liked her back.
"See I told you it was stupid." He said a bit embarrassed.
"Yeah it kinda is," she laughed. A few seconds later she asked, "So I was the first name you thought of?"
Jay placed the hand closest to her on her knee and continued to drive with the other. "Yeah. Are you really that surprised?"
"I don't know. Maybe a little." She replied trying to suppress a cheesy grin.
Not long after that Erin dozed off. During her nap she had a dream, or more of a nightmare that Voight found out about their weekend. He was livid. He handcuffed Jay to the cage and beat the hell out of him, and there was nothing she could do to help him.
When she woke up she knew it was just a dream, a bad nightmare, but it snapped her back into reality. They were partners. Sure this weekend had been amazing and he had been so sweet and charming, but they had to return to work tomorrow, and back to real life. As much as she hated the idea she knew that things had to go back to the way they were before the wedding. She had came as his fake girlfriend and she wouldn't come home as anything more.
Jay pulled the car up out front of her apartment building.
"Thank you Erin. I had a really amazing time with you." He said looking into her eyes.
Damn this is going to be difficult she thought to herself. "Yeah me too," she finally answered.
She looked to open the door and get the hell out of there as fast as possible when Jay spoke again.
"Can I come up?" he asked sweetly.
Erin wanted to bolt pretending like she didn't hear the question, but knew she couldn't. He deserved at least some type of explanation. She looked over at the innocent expression on his face and instantly felt terrible. Her stomach was churning from nerves, and her throat felt tight.
"Jay, this weekend was a lot of fun, but we're home now…. And we have to return to work tomorrow…It's just not a god idea. I'm sorry." She spoke softly trying to hide the fact that she regretted every word the second it came out of her mouth. She watched as a solemn expression appeared on Jays face and it hurt her to see. The last thing she had wanted was for either of them to get hurt. In fact that's why she was ending it right now before they got in any deeper. There was just too many variables, too many what ifs, and too many things hanging in the balance if the relationship went south. She had their jobs to worry about if Voight found out, and the damage that would happen to their partnership and entire unit if they broke up, and on top of that their job was dangerous what if one of them got seriously hurt or worse.
"Yeah keep it professional. Got it." He replied coldly.
Erin gave him one last apologetic look then got out of the car, grabbed her bag, and practically ran towards her building.
When she got to her apartment she dropped her stuff down and hurried to the window. He was gone. She knew she had no right to be angry with him, but she was anyways. Part of her had wanted so badly for him to ignore everything she said and chase after her, but he drove away instead. She wanted to hear a knock on the door and for him to kiss her passionately without saying a word the second she answered it. She wanted them to finish what they started last night before she stopped him. Instead she sighed and fell back onto her couch emotionally exhausted, and all alone. She felt so out of control of her own feelings, and she hated it. Powerlessness is something Erin Linday had not allowed herself to feel in 13 years. Not since she got clean and took control over her own life. She sat there for hours thinking until she gave herself a headache. Part of her had wanted him to fight for her, but at the same time she was relieved that he hadn't. It would be easier this way.
Jay took off the second he watched her disappear through the front door of her building. What the hell just happened? He wondered. He thought things were going great and he was really falling for Erin. Now he was confused, embarrassed, hurt, and really pissed. Pissed at her, pissed at himself, and pissed at the whole situation.
When he put his car in park outside his own apartment he hit the steering wheel with the base of his hand in an attempt to let out some aggression. It didn't help. He was going home for the night to drink as much as it took to make this feeling go away. After his first drink he thought about driving back to her apartment, but he talked himself out of it. After the second drink he put his coat on grabbed his eyes and sat in the drivers seat before turning around and going back inside. And when he'd completly lost count of how many drinks he'd had he looked up the number of a cab company to take him to her but couldn't allow himself to dial it. He didn't want to seem crazy, he didn't want to seem desperate, and he didn't want Erin Lindsay to make him feel like this, but he couldn't help it.