Summary: Now we come to the portion of the story where we enter "Angst-Land" and find out how Mrs. Turner is doing in rehab. She is struggling with her demons and the thought of beating her son. How is she coping? Read on to find out!
Disclaimer: Read Chapter #1. No song this time around, sorry guys.
As I sit here in this room, I can't help but think that this isn't the kind of room I deserve to be in. I deserve to be in a cold, grey jail cell! I beat my one and only son while on the worst bender I've been on since my college days. It wasn't even his fault, his friends and girlfriend had been kind enough to try and keep his mind off his father's funeral the next day…and I guess I was jealous that no one had done that for me.
I can hardly remember the events as they unfolded, but somehow someone managed to capture it for all time on videotape. Those horrible images still flash through my mind, as does the sickening sounds of leather and metal on flesh and my son's anguished cries begging and pleading with me to stop. I don't even know why I drank that night. I hadn't had a drop of liquor since I found out I was pregnant with Timmy almost sixteen years ago. I guess the pain of losing my beloved husband sent me spiraling over the edge.
I lay here awake, hearing the anguished cries and moans of the junkies trying to get clean. This goes on twenty-four hours a day, but it seems to get worse at night. All I do when I hear them is curl up in a ball on my bed and sob. This is what Hell must be like, well I better get used to it I think. All they do is remind me of the sounds Timmy made when I beat him so savagely with that belt.
It was after seeing that video that I knew I had to get well, so I voluntarily checked myself in here for a month to get sober again. I cannot in good conscience continue that destructive pattern, especially towards Timmy. I already lost my husband; I don't need or want to lose my son as well because I can't control myself.
I'm so grateful that Timmy didn't go to the police, because that videotape was all the evidence they would've needed to lock me up and throw away the key. I'm also grateful that his girlfriend Tootie decided to stick by him through all of this, because I'm not sure that Timmy could've handled all of this on his own. I don't need my own son's suicide and his blood on my hands at this point.
It's been going well, though it has been rough. The first couple of nights I went through withdrawal so bad that they had to strap me to my bed so I wouldn't hurt myself. The emotional pain of losing my husband and beating my son were nothing compared to this. I still go through periods of "the shakes", but they seemed to have subsided for the most part.
The group therapy is all at once soothing and scary. It's hard for me to admit I had a problem, but upon seeing some of the others in here, and what they went through in their addictions made me stop and think that I didn't have it so bad. Some here lost everything: their homes, families, jobs and lives thanks to drugs and alcohol. I'm one of the luckier ones one of the staff told me, that I was lucky that my son was so forgiving. I can't deny that Timmy has definitely grown up a lot since he was ten.
If you had told me a couple of months ago that this is where I would end up, I would've laughed hard in your face. I could never imagine doing anything remotely like this. This time here really has lead me down a path of discovery about myself. I always knew that I was a loving and caring mother and wife, but I never thought that I was neglectful of Timmy. I see now that all David and I did was exactly that by leaving him with Vicky.
I can now see that Timmy had to endure loads of abuse at Vicky's hands, and we both were blind to it because of the front that she put on. I'm so thankful that Tootie didn't turn out like that. She is Vicky's exact opposite: caring, compassionate, she absolutely adores Timmy and I can see that this isn't just "puppy love" between the two of them, this is the real deal and I am so happy for the two of them.
I don't know how he did it, but Timmy managed to endure that torture and come out of it a more confident and strong young man. I hope that David and I had just a little to do with that, even though we are partly responsible by continually hiring Vicky. No wonder he and all his friends threw a big party when she went off to the University of California- Brightburg last year.
Oh David, I could really use your help right now. I miss you so much and my heart aches to hold you in my arms one last time. You were the best husband a wife could ask for, even if you did beat me in the Miss Dimmsdale pageant all those years ago. It didn't matter what crazy situation we went through, I knew I would make it because I had you by my side.
I deeply regret what I've done in the past few weeks. What kind of parent am I? I hope and pray that I haven't scarred Timmy for life because of what I've done to him. Deep down I know he will find the courage to forgive me, but on that same level I cannot help but feel that I don't deserve it. I feel that if he wanted nothing more to do with me once I get home, and more importantly when he turns eighteen, then I won't get mad.
The psychiatrists here say that these feelings are normal. That I'm at some sort of "feeling sorry for myself" stage and that these will fade in time. I really just want to get to the "get me the hell out of here because I'm cured!" stage. I know this is going to be one long road ahead of me, but I'll make it. I've made it this far, so I can go that last little bit of distance.
"Katherine, it's time for your medicine." the kindly voice of the head nurse breaks through my thought process. The doctors have me on an anti-depressant because I was on the brink of suicide when I came in here and a sleep aid due to chronic insomnia.
"Thanks Susan." is all I say as I accept the pills. I swallow them, then chase them with a little bit of water. I sigh a little as the pills hit my stomach and begin to dissolve.
"You're welcome Katherine. You know your one of the best patients I've helped treat in my 25 years here right?" She asks in that sweet voice.
I nod my head and give her a weak smile. I'm a model patient because I want to get better and get back to my family as quickly as possible. I knew this month would go by at a snail's pace, but this is starting to become torture. I miss Timmy so bad and cannot wait until I can hug him close to me. No matter how old he gets, he will always be my baby boy.
Nurse Susan leaves, and with her departure, in returns my thoughts. I guess anyone who could hear these right now would see that I am tormented by everything that has happened. I'm a broken soul that is in desperate need of repair. I am in Hell at this point, and this month has been a saving grace.
I'm so glad that the McDonald's have taken Timmy in while I'm here. This way it won't be too much of a shock to his system. I got assurances from Victor, Nicole, Timmy, and Tootie that nothing would happen while I was gone. I trust all four of them, but I can't help but worry that with their hormones raging that Timmy and Tootie could do something dumb. Something about being in the same area as Tootie seems to drive Timmy out of his mind.
These walls are closing in I swear to God they are! Ok Kath, settle down. You're just de-toxing. Holy shit this sucks! I'm clawing the walls like a mad woman trying to escape. This is better then prison though I guess. I owe both Timmy and Tootie big time for not going to the police with that video.
I'm sitting here with my knees drawn to my chest, rocking slowly back and forth. I can't stop this once it starts, because this seems to be the only comfort I can get at this time of the night. That damn sleeping pill seems to take longer and longer to take affect every night! Here it is; 11:30 at night, last night I was out at 11:15 I swear!
They're probably going to transfer me to some psych ward the day I'm released I know it. Those god damn junkies are driving my completely insane with their whining and bitching! Ergh I hate this place! I hate it, I hate it, I FUCKING hate it! Ok, easy there Toto, slow it down about a thousand rpm's before you blow a vein!
I don't want any pity once I get out of here, I put myself here and I'm going to get myself out of here. I just want to see my baby boy again and apologize immensely for how I treated him.
I can feel my head start to lull and my eyelids begin to flutter. Oh good, the sleep aid is kicking in. Now to relax for around eight hours before I have to face the same shit again tomorrow.
I cannot think anymore as I feel my body go warm and liquid. I unfurl my body, pull the blanket over me and lay my head on the pillow. I hope that I don't have nightmares again like last night. I close my eyes and softly drift off to my happy place, seeing myself at Timmy and Tootie's wedding and seeing my beautiful grand kids.
I can make it! I can make it! I can…
A/N: Read and Review please. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Coming up…we are off to Fairy World and a conversation that just might set things straight between Wanda, Blonda, and Juandissimo. Will Cosmo somehow screw things up with one of his random comments? Read on to find out!