Sorry for deleting this! I just noticed that the spacing was wrong and I just couldn't leave it up like that. Spacing is just as important as the words… :) Anyways, here it is again in a format that won't make your eyes bleed... hopefully.
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My eyes burned as I stared into the bright sun. It felt as though it was burning straight through me. But I felt no pain. There was only one way to describe what I was feeling.
Enlightened.
The sun's rays scorched over the world, but despite its menacing heat, it caressed the life with the utmost care. And when it rose, it promised a new day. And when it fell, it left the memories of the beauty in life.
Because it was the quintessence of life.
For some reason, the feelings that were arising within me felt new. Well not new. They just felt as if they were forgotten long ago. I had given up on them. Somewhere in the twisted roads of my life, I had forgotten how to feel this good.
Suddenly I realized I was not the only one basking in the light that poured down. All around me were millions of figures, all laughing and feeling happy, all reflecting the same face. It took a moment before I started to recognize the figures before me. Most were people I had seen around the city, some were strangers I had never met, some were lives that had yet to live, and some were lives that no longer walked the earth.
None of them stopped to notice me. Or so I thought.
I felt a soft pressure on my back and when I whipped around, I swear I saw a wisp of silvery spheres, before the eyes disappeared once more in the crowd of happy people. It all seemed too surreal.
Without warning, another warm hand grabbed mine. And when I looked up this time, the eyes did not flee from my gaze.
I choked.
"Mom..?" I uttered through the tears that were already forming from my glassy eyes. I had so many questions. Where was I? How did I get here? How did she get here? How did she find me? Why did she ever leave? Why did she destroy me all those years ago? Why did sh-
Before I could even ramble out one of the millions of questions flashing through my head, she just looked up into the sun above us and smiled the same smile she would give me when she told me she loved me. The pressure in my hand dissolved and I desperately tried to stop her from leaving. I grabbed at her fading arms and her disappearing face. But nothing I did could stop her.
Just like last time.
"STOP! Don't do this! Please help me!" I screamed, my voice becoming higher as the panic started to overwhelm me.
"I can't..!" The words flew out of my mouth, despite the fact that they were mysterious to me.
"Look for the light." Her voice sung to me. The same voice that had once sung me to sleep. The same voice that had always picked me up. The same voice that had shared laughs with me. The same voice that had broken me.
Then she was gone. Everyone was gone. All the giggles and smiles had disappeared with her. Even the sun was gone. It was all black around me.
I was scared. And alone. Again.
I frantically looked for something, anything, that could save me from fading away into the darkness. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to disappear. I had to find the light.
I had to find it.
I had to.
I had to.
I had to.
Just then, a light appeared in the corner of my vision. The light was made in the form of a person, but the person was too far away to be distinguished. I had to move closer.
I broke into a sprint towards the figure. I moved closer. And closer. And closer. And I was almost there. I was about to find the light. I was about to find what I needed to be whole again.
"Katara…" The figure called out, knowing I was about to find them. Maybe they were looking for me too. Maybe I was a light to this person. Maybe we were two halves to a whole.
But just before I reached the light, I woke up.
My eyes fluttered open to find my father standing over my bed with a concerned grimace. His hands were around my shoulders as if he was shaking me awake. I could feel the heat that arose from my sweaty skin. No wonder he was concerned.
"Katara? Are you okay?" He asked me softly after I became more oriented. My vision was still a little hazy, but I finally understood that it was all a dream.
Just a dream.
"Honey, you were crying and screaming in your sleep." My father informed me. His voice was full of a sad concern. I knew what he was thinking.
"Yea, I'm fine." I mumbled hoping he wouldn't mention anything.
"Is it.. is it the nightmares? Are they coming back?" He asked exactly what I hoped he wouldn't. Every time my father looked at me, he always saw the weak little girl who cried in her sleep. The girl who was hurt and broken. I had tried so hard to appear strong, but my father would never see me that way. Even when I screwed up, he felt more sorry than angry at me. Sometimes I just needed him to yell, and tell me that I was dumb and irrational. But he never did. He just gave me that look of pity.
"No. I just… nothing." I croaked as I pushed myself out of my bed's embrace. It was chilly in the house and I shivered as the covers slipped off of my upper half. I really regretted climbing out of my warm bed.
"Wait, why aren't you at the council?" I interrogated groggily. I wiped the sleep out of my eyes and moved past him to the bathroom to clean my face for the day. I could practically feel the oils and sweat dripping off of my ragged face, and I needed to get rid of the feeling.
"I actually have to go to a council in the southern earth kingdom. I should be gone for about a week." His voice traveled from my room. After drying my face, I moved back into my room. He was still sitting on my bed. He never liked leaving the family, but it was his responsibility as chief of the southern tribe.
I put on a sad face, but it was only a facade. I was used to my father leaving, and I never protested my freedom. I loved my father dearly, but everytime I saw him, it was just a painful reminder. A scar that never closed completely. And I am sure the same memories dredged up when he saw my face.
The one that resembled my mother's so closely.
"Oh, well I guess I will see you when you get back." I muttered absentmindedly while my hands moved back to my closet, looking for something to change into. My shirt was still damp from my night sweats and I needed to put on something new. Plus there was an awkward air in the room, and I always felt better when I busied myself.
"I came to say Goodbye, Katara, but I also need something else from you." His face was made into a serious grimace that demanded my attention. So I turned away from my morning routine and crossed my arms. I nodded to tell him that I was listening even if it was unwillingly.
"You need to behave yourself while I am gone. I know you are struggling through a phase, but you need to be responsible while I am gone. Gran says she can handle you, but I know you better. No one can control you." He smirked as he said the last sentence. I rolled my eyes in response, but I let a smile play on my lips as I tried my best to ignore the 'phase' part.
"I feel bad, leaving you, but I know you will be fine. I will miss you." I could see sadness in his eyes and it struck me that he wasn't telling me something. But instead of questioning him, I ignored it and pulled him into a hug.
"I will miss you too. And don't worry, I will be fine." I said to him and I meant it. I wanted to make him proud. And maybe if I could show him that I was an adult, he would look past the broken girl that I was.
The one who couldn't handle the nightmares.
After releasing him from his hug, he grabbed his satchel and headed towards the door. His palm pressed against the opening and he was just about to leave, but he suddenly turned back around.
"Oh, I forgot to tell you, Gran has a fever of some sort." He spoke quietly, and I sensed heavy concern falling from his words. Gran's health had been deteriorating for the last year, but she seemed to be getting better. I sincerely hoped that this fever was just a hiccup in her recovery.
"I have already sent message to the healer, and I have ordered some herbs from the market that will make her feel better. All you have to do is pick them up." His words sounded so simple and reassuring to my already fretful mind. Like walking to the park. Or eating a sandwich. Easy.
But it wasn't.
Before he noticed my hesitation, I pushed down my doubt and tried not to think about my previous escapade to the market.
At the thought of the market, all the memories of the Avatar and his voice and his betrayal popped into my restless mind. I had almost forgotten. But luckily my mind was not so kind as to let it slip away.
I gulped.
"Of course. Easy." I said uneasily. There were so many sirens going off in my head. The doubt was rapidly pushing its way back into the forefront.
I could get caught.
By the guards.
Or worse.
Him.
He always seemed to just show up, and I don't really know how I would react after our last encounter. He probably had no idea that I bore him any ill will. But I did.
I hated him.
And I couldn't handle him.
But instead of voicing my worry, I plastered a smile onto my face and nodded as if there wasn't a huge problem.
"Ok, well I will see you in a week!" My father said before planting a kiss on my forehead and rushing out the door.
Another person leaving me.
I let out an angry sigh as soon as he left the room. I should have just said 'Hey, about that, I can't go because…' My mind went blank.
I shook my head.
I was just overthinking it as always. Everything would be fine. I would get the medicine, help Gran, and everything would be perfect. I convinced myself over and over until the little voice that had been nagging me had shutup.
It would be fine.
Before I could change my mind, I grabbed my bag and a dark blue cloak. I quickly wrapped myself in the soft fabric and let the hood hang over my eyes in a way that hid my distinguishable blue irises. They screamed that I was 'that girl who constantly stole from the market'. No one really knew me as the chief's daughter.
For all they knew, I was just a peasant thief. Sometimes when I walked by crowds of gossiping girls, I heard snippets of gossip about the 'real' chief's daughter.
She was beautiful and kind and perfect. She never left the house because her skin was as delicate as snow crystals. And her suitors lined up around buildings for her. She was the woman that every girl envied, and every boy admired.
Basically the opposite of me. And I was thankful for it. I would never survive with skin that melted in the sun...
But I never objected to the rumors. I just let them believe that I wasn't some messed up girl who couldn't stay out of trouble. It was better that they didn't know. They would just be disappointed.
With my identity hidden, for more than one reason, I swiftly left the house, and started towards the market, with my cloak flapping along behind me.
Since I was on a mission, I had no time to stop and admire all the things around me. I just made a beeline for the treatment.
Once I arrived in the market, I frantically searched for the herbal kiosk. I walked around the whole market place almost three times and I never saw any sign of the herbs. I would have gone around again, but my feet were hurting, and the longer I stayed, the more risk I ran of being discovered.
So instead of wandering aimlessly, I decided to ask for some help.
I first tried asking a woman, but when I walked up, she took one look at my drab cloak and walked away like I was filth. I made a hideous face at her fleeing figure before turning around in search of a new stranger.
I then tried a man who looked relatively kind, but when I walked up to him, he just gave me some change and walked away before I could open my mouth. I would have been insulted, but I wasn't going to turn down free money.
After the second attempt, I decided that I needed to up my game. I needed to be more… girly. I straightened my posture, puckered my lips, and heightened the tone of my voice into an almost annoying tone. Then I eyed the people around for my target. My eyes stopped on a man who looked like he knew what he was doing. He also looked pretty gullible.
I walked over to him, careful to move my legs in the most graceful of ways. I stopped behind him, and tapped on his shoulder gently with my delicate fingers.
"Excuse me?" I piped in my innocent girly voice.
The man turned around and I suddenly regretted my choice. He looked like a nice person, but when I saw him I immediately noticed the blaring insignia on his parka.
A wolf head symbol.
He was a guard. And I was pretty sure I recognized him as one of my many chasers in the past.
But it was too late to turn back. That would just look suspicious. And he was already eying me with curiosity.
"Yes?" He said with interest, I could see his eyes wander on me for a second, not even trying to hide his stare, and I tried my hardest to disguise the disgust in my voice.
"Um…" I was already here, might as well get some help. "I was wondering if you knew where the herb hut was?" I kept my voice especially high, so that there was no chance of him recognizing me.
"Of course," He said as he gestured to the left side of the market. His finger pointed towards a red kiosk that held an array of plants around it. I had no idea how I missed it three times. Maybe the hood was covering to much of my sight...
"Thank you, sir!" I said happily. Unfortunately I had forgotten to change my pitch when I spoke and my true voice was revealed to him.
Not a good idea.
His eyebrows furrowed as his mind clicked together the pieces.
"Do I know you?" He interrogated in confusion. But I could tell that he would soon dawn on the answer if I stayed any longer.
"Well I am in a hurry! Thanks again." I burst out, before whipping around and heading away from the guards. I tried to walk at a normal pace, but my uneasy steps soon turned into a slow jog by the time I was five feet away.
Unfortunately, I was not fast enough.
"Wait!" He yelled before grabbing my fleeing hood. My veil fell from my eyes and his face widened with a mix of anger and surprise. The jig was up.
"You're that girl-" He stammered in disbelief.
Yup.
Time to go.
I sprinted towards a large group of people who were congregating in front of a stage-like structure. I didn't have time to glimpse at the figure atop the stage, but I heard a faded voice drifting from the front. It sounded familiar but I had no time to ponder who the owner was. I had to move.
I could hear the thuds of his footsteps and his angry voice calling after me so I pushed my body into the people that huddled around.
As soon as I entered the crowd, I was engulfed by random bodies. It was uncomfortably warm and I could practically taste the breath of the people as I darted through the gaps as fast as I could. But I could hear the guard still pursuing me.
New plan.
I got down on my hands and knees and crawled in the opposite direction of his yells. If I could stay low, he would have no chance of finding me. But my plan backfired when I received numerous kicks from the inconsiderate people above.
I tried to get back up, but the horde above me stifled me onto the ground. There was only one way out.
Frantically, I searched for some light that signified the edge of the group. It took a few vital seconds, but eventually I laid eyes on my escape.
I was careful not to step on too many feet, but the people above me were not so kind. I got even more kicks to my sides, and my fingers were pulverized by the heavy feet of the strangers. And it didn't help that the snow on the ground was seeping through the fabric on my knees and gloves, freezings the skin on my bones.
All I could focus on was finding a way out of this crowd, and escaping. I would have to get the herbs later. I shouldn't have taken the risk of asking for directions.
Typical me. Messing things up.
That was why my father didn't trust me. Because all I did was mess up.
The daylight moved closer and closer, and I could feel my hopes soaring higher with every inch I moved.
I wasn't done for yet. I could make it.
I half crawled, half threw myself at the exit and I was almost free of the throng of people when a firm hand grabbed my ankle.
The grip bit into my skin and made me wince in pain. I turned around to see my attacker but all I could distinguish was an arm fighting through the packed people.
I turned onto my back and kicked at the arm with my other foot. My kicks were precise and hit the hand right on the bony fingers. But they wouldn't let up, so I instead resorted to waterbending.
With my hand that wasn't propping me up, I bended an ice dagger and thrust it onto my restraint. The sharp motion cut the skin and released the hold on my ankle with a jolt of shock. In that quick moment of release, I shot up from the icy ground and ran away.
No real destination. Just away.
I could hear a strangled shout behind me but I ignored it.
I just ran.
And ran.
I ran until my lungs felt like they were going to burst, and my legs ached with searing pain. My throat felt raw, and my brain was whirring. But I couldn't stop.
Suddenly a foot appeared in front of me and I had no time to react. My back foot caught on the toe of the stranger's and I was thrown to the ground with a hard thud. When I fell, my head slammed into the icy snow. Even though the flakes were soft, they were not enough to soften the impact.
My eyes shut in searing pain and I let out a hushed scream of pain and fear. I didn't have time for this. I could practically hear the guards footsteps behind me… or maybe that was my head ringing in pain.
I looked up to the stranger who had tripped me, and my breath caught in my throat.
"Well, well. Look who I caught." He said as he easily recognized my pale blue eyes.
He was the same man who had almost caught me when I had stolen the penguin. The man who I had frozen to the ground. The man I had laughed at.
Regret was not a strong enough word for the feeling that pulsed in my veins.