When Hermann woke up, Newton was sitting in his room with a book open in his lap. Newton heard him as he sat up with a groan and heard the stifled noise of irritation when he realized he woke up in the room alone. He braced himself as he heard the sound of his cane moving closer until it paused outside of his doorway. He flipped the page, pretending to continue reading until he spoke up.
"Why didn't you wake me?" he said, anger creeping into his tone.
"You needed the sleep," he replied, finally looking up into Hermann's annoyance-lined face. "I kept myself awake just fine."
Hermann pressed his lips into a tight line but it appeared to soften when Newton flashed him an apologetic smile. He shook his head and left the open doorway, most likely to scrounge up what remained of the tea. Newton sat up straighter, trying to keep himself uncomfortable in order to stay awake as he read.
He stayed in his room for the entire morning as Hermann shuffled around the apartment, showering, eating breakfast, and cleaning. He managed to remain ignored until about noon when Hermann stood in his doorway once more, glaring disapprovingly. Newton continued to ignore him, the anxiety of what awaited him flaring up in his gut, causing his stomach to lurch and tighten. It didn't last long as Hermann marched in and grabbed the book from his hands.
"Dude!" he said, looking up.
"We're leaving for the hospital soon," Hermann chastised. "Please get ready. Be somewhat presentable."
"Presentable? Just to go see whether or not I'm gonna live?"
"Newton!" Hermann said sharply, his eyes widening in shock and horror, as if it was something he hadn't considered.
"Sorry," he mumbled, not meeting his eyes.
Hermann shook his head and tossed the book onto Newton's bed. "Just get dressed. The cab I called will be here in an hour.
"A taxi? Dude, what about the bike?"
Hermann stared at him incredulously. "You've been awake for over twenty-four hours. We are not taking that infernal thing."
He ended the conversation by turning away and walking out of the room. Newton reluctantly stood up from the bed and showered, dressing in jeans and an old, olive green PPDC shirt he was given when he joined the K-Science division. He didn't feel much like a rock star in that moment, more like a man walking to his own death.
He walked out into the kitchen where Hermann was leaning against a counter, one hand on the glossy surface, tightly gripping a cleaning rag, and the other pressed over his eyes. He righted himself as soon as he heard Newton's footsteps, continuing to clean the already spotless area. Hermann scanned him with one of his judging once overs but it was too late. Newton already knew that he felt scared too.
When the taxi pulled up outside of their apartment, the feeling of dread in his gut flared up like an inferno. The thought crossed his mind that he could run, but it didn't last long, not with Hermann to stop him and nowhere to go. He glanced over at Hermann before stepping forward to go outside but a hand on his wrist stopped him.
"I just want you to know," Hermann said as Newton turned back toward him, "no matter what it is, we'll get through it."
"And if it is terminal?" Newton asked seriously, the last word sticking in his throat on its way out.
Hermann hesitated, his expression of stoicism faltering. "We'll cross that bridge when we come to it. But I'll be here for you either way."
Hermann let go of his wrist but Newton grabbed him by the shoulders and pulled him into a hug. "Thanks, man," he said, his voice barely above a whisper.
He nodded to Newton as they pulled apart before grabbing his cane and leading the way out. Newton grabbed his jacket and keys and soon they both sat in silence in the back of the cab on the route to the Berlin-Buch HELIOS hospital. They arrived thirty minutes prior to their appointment and filled out all the necessary paperwork before sitting down in the wooden-framed, striped-cushioned seats of the sparsely populated waiting room. The room itself smelled as clean as it looked with even the magazines on the tables as meticulously arranged as everything else.
Hermann continued to check his watch every few minutes, making Newton grow increasingly nervous. He shifted in his seat, moving from side to side, pulled off his jacket, and wrung his hands, until the door at the back of the room finally opened. They both sat up straighter as a doctor with messy blond hair and the beginnings of a beard stepped into the doorway. He smiled with a bright white grin as he spotted Newton and Newton couldn't help but smile back at his old friend despite the nerves causing him to feel ill.
"Newton!" he called out in a thick German accent as he tried to remain professional.
They both stood at the same time and glanced at each other. Newton could easily read Hermann's facial expressions and the one he wore in that moment was a question. Do you want me to come with you? Newton smiled at him reassuringly and Hermann seemed to relax.
"Come on, man. Come meet Christoph," he said clapping him on the back before they walked over to the door.
Christoph ushered them inside and met Newton in a hug once the door closed and Newton could feel the piercings in his ears brushing across his cheek. "Newt, it's been so long. I almost didn't recognize you," he said enthusiastically as they pulled apart. He kept a hold on Newton's arms, turning them over. "Look at all these tattoos."
"They're full-body, man. You wouldn't believe how many hours I spent in that chair," Newton said, happy to have someone who actually appreciated his ink.
"I don't doubt it. It's great work. You always had a thing for the monsters," he said with a smile as he let Newton's arms go. "But, of course, we're here for more serious matters. Follow me."
He led the way through the halls of offices and rooms and the two of them dutifully followed. He could tell that Hermann seemed tense; it radiated off of him and infected Newton. The muscles in his hands contracted as he balled them into fists and flexed his fingers back out again. They stopped outside of a door that held an engraved plaque with Christoph's name. Christoph opened it and motioned for them to go in ahead of him.
Newton walked into the small office and sat in one of the chairs in front of the desk that appeared to be from the same set as the ones in the waiting room. Hermann occupied the second one as Christoph closed the door and sat in the black leather rolling chair behind the wooden desk that was littered with papers. He smiled at them to put them at ease before holding out his hand to Hermann.
"You must be the man I spoke to on the phone. Dr. Gottlieb, was it?"
"Yes," Hermann replied stiffly, accepting and shaking his hand.
"I've been working with Hermann here for the past ten years or so," Newton chimed in.
"And you both helped to save the world, I hear," Christoph said, looking impressed.
"That's us, man!" Newton beamed as he threw an arm around Hermann's shoulders and drew him in against his will. "Rock star heroes."
"I knew you'd do great things, Newt, but you are quite the man," he said as Newton let Hermann go. "Anyway, back to business. Now, Newt, Hermann here told me that you've been having severe seizures and nosebleeds during sleep, is that right?"
Newton started to fidget again. "Uh, yeah. It's happened twice now. Not last night because I didn't sleep."
"Understandable if that keeps happening," Christoph said with a laugh. "Well, we're here to see what I can do about that. It could be a few things off the top of my head but I'm not about to jump to conclusions without more information. I have one of the MRI's booked for the hour so, just let me get a bit of paperwork in order and then we can head down."
Newton let out a breath he didn't know he was holding as he leaned back in the chair. He looked over at Hermann who met his gaze and they spoke without words, something they'd been able to do easily over the past year. Newton spoke of fear and nerves while Hermann spoke of comfort and reassurance until Newton's emotional spike lessened into a calm hum just beneath the surface. He wanted to reach over and grab Hermann's hand, to feel him there by his side, but he just curled his fingers into his palm instead.
He watched Christoph as he fervently wrote on a few sheets of paper before he picked up a thin tablet on the right side of his desk. Christoph stood up and the two of them followed suit, staring at him expectantly. He beckoned them along, leaving his office to lead them to the MRI center in a nearby wing. They walked into the second room on the right that smelled sterile and looked blindingly white. A giant, hollow, cylindrical machine sat against a wall with little else around it. It looked intimidating to Newton, like the gaping maw of a beast he was about to be fed into.
Newton glanced up and saw the window to the scanner room where Christoph and Hermann would retreat to while he suffered inside the MRI machine. Christoph held out his tablet to Newton along with a tablet pen. He grabbed it from him and stared down at it, scrolling through the long block of text.
"What's this?" he said without looking up.
"A consent form," Christoph replied, crossing his arms. "By signing it, you're saying that you understand the risks involved in getting an MRI scan."
Newton nodded. "Right, right, giant magnet. I'm good," he said, scrolling down to the dotted line.
"Do you know if your tattoo ink carries metal?" Christoph said, pointing at them as Newton signed.
"Yeah, but it'll be fine. I can handle the irritation. I just wanna get this done, dude," he replied as he held out the tablet to Christoph.
Christoph poked at the touch screen for a minute before handing it off to Hermann. "Would you mind holding that for a moment and wait for me in the screening room, just through that door there," he pointed toward a door it the right of the machine. Hermann nodded and left the room before Christoph turned to Newton. "And if you'd go through the door just behind you to the changing room."
Newton glanced behind him to the wooden door and walked through it to a small room with a wooden bench and some cubby shelves to put clothes in. One of the wider shelves held a stack of paper thin hospital gowns. He disrobed and shoved his clothes in one of the shelves before slipping on the awkwardly fitting hospital gown over his white undershirt and boxers. He left the room once he fixed the ridiculous gown to his liking and Christoph led him over to the MRI table where he laid down. He shifted around on the hard slab but couldn't find a comfortable position.
"Normally an MRI tech would do all of this, but seeing as this is a favor, it's, for the most part, off the record," Christoph explained clearly and carefully. "Remember to remain still and hopefully we'll figure this out."
"Hopefully."
A couple of minutes after he left the room, the MRI started, obeying commands from the computer Christoph punched orders into, and the table moved backward into the open mouth of the machine. Once he was as far in as the machine needed him go, his head and shoulders completely surrounded within it, the noises began. It started with the whir of a fan that he could also feel caressing his hair and face. After a few minutes, a banging noise chimed in like a stick on an oil drum. Newton breathed in deeply, trying to get himself to relax, making a mental beat out of the cacophony of sounds and concentrating on it to keep his mind occupied and calm.
To keep his body still for a while seemed simple enough in theory but it proved to be a lot harder in practice. The magnet pulled at the iron pigments in the tattoos near his neck and chest, causing slight pain and severe irritation. On top of that, Christoph kept disrupting his mental rhythm to tell him to stop moving, which he would succeed in doing for all of two minutes.
Despite this, the MRI was able to pick up everything it needed to, giving a clear readout to Christoph and Hermann up in the scanner room. Christoph returned to the room after shutting off the machine and allowed Newton to put his clothes back on before leading him up to the scanner room for the final verdict.
"So, what's the deal, man?" Newton said as they entered the other room.
Newton felt intimidated and wary when Christoph sat down and both he and Hermann looked up at him with unreadable expressions. He swallowed hard and plopped down into a third chair between the two where he could see the computer screens set up on a long table in front of the window to the MRI room. He glanced at the brain scan the MRI spat out and, while he was more of a xenobiologist, he knew enough about the human brain to realize that no clear problem showed up.
"This can't be right," he said with a slight, nervous laugh as he turned to a grim looking Christoph. "There has to be something I'm not seeing."
"I'm afraid not, Newt," he said, his expression faltering, unsure of what feeling to show. "There is nothing wrong with your brain, at least nothing the scan picked up."
"Then do it again!" Newton said, panic causing his voice to rise. "Do it again with the intravenous dye. There has to be something."
Christoph shook his head. "Just from a glance, there's no bleeding, no tumors. You're in perfect health according to this. Hermann was telling me about how the two of you Drifted. I'm not an expert on damage that can occur from the Pons but perhaps something happened then that is not showing up here."
Newton dropped his head in his hands, feeling overwhelmed until a hand pressed against his back. A soft touch to absorb some of the stress. He stole a deep breath and exhaled the dread that rose within him. When he looked back up at Christoph, he felt as calm as he possibly could.
"Thank you for this, man. I appreciate it," he said, remaining calm with a clear head. "I know you must've had to pull a few strings. But yeah, you're probably right. I should see someone who knows about the Pons."
Several ideas floated through his mind on the matter, but he settled on one. He would look into it on his own. He did have a doctorate in biology and he knew enough about the Pons from exposure and experience to piece something together. His confidence grew the more he considered it and he left the hospital in a better mood than he had when he entered it.
He hugged his old friend goodbye before he and Hermann navigated their way out of the building to wait for the second cab that Hermann called for. A short wait later, they were on their way back home, sitting together in the back of the cab in silence as Newton found himself lost in thought. He knew Hermann would tell him to go on sick leave and all of that time at the apartment alone would be ideal to conduct his own research. Hermann never had to know.
When the taxi dropped them off, they walked into their apartment and shrugged out of their jackets. They relaxed, settling into the living room where Hermann sat in one of the chairs with a book, ignoring Newton who was sprawled out on the couch, flipping through the channels without actually watching anything. As he changed through all of the local news channels, thinking about how bored he felt, Hermann finally spoke up after remaining silent since they found out the news.
"I know what you're planning to do," he said, not looking up from his book.
Newton froze, slowly looking up from the screen to Hermann's face. "What do you mean?"
Hermann looked up at him over his reading glasses with a disapproving stare that made him want to shrink back into the couch. "I'm not ignorant, Newton, don't treat me like I am. I know you want to look into this yourself."
"And?" Newton said hesitantly.
"And I believe it's the best route possible given the situation," Hermann said, looking back down at his book.
"What? Seriously?" Newton replied, shifting his body until he sat on the couch correctly.
"Yes, quite seriously. You're one of the best in your field, Newton. You have the knowledge and the experience and the capacity to learn what you need to efficiently. I only ask that you consult someone who knows the effects of the Pons System better than you," Hermann said, turning the page.
"Yeah, yeah, of course. Will do, man," Newton said, excitedly.
"See that you do. And please, inform me if you intend to do anything that may result in your death," Hermann said, lowering his book for a moment. "I'd like to see you make it through this alive and well."
He remembered Hermann's panic and worry when he found him after his solo Drift. Newton nodded his agreement and Hermann seemed satisfied. They both returned to their respective silences and Newton finally found some old cartoons to watch. After a while, Hermann stood up to retire to bed. He placed the book back on its shelf and turned to go but hesitated when he saw Newton.
"It's all right, Herm," Newton said, noticing his hesitation. "I'll be fine."
"Are you going to stay up?" he said, sounding concerned.
"I dunno yet. I might try to sleep. You never know, maybe this thing will stop on its own. Maybe the scan being clear meant it was gone."
"Maybe," Hermann said, appearing unsure.
"Even if it's not, those two episodes I had weren't life threatening. I can survive until I figure it out," he said, trying to reassure him but it only seemed to set him more on edge. "I'll be fine, Hermann, I swear. Besides, our rooms are across from each other. You'll know if something happens."
Hermann nodded. "All right. Goodnight, I suppose."
"Night, dude," he replied as Hermann left the room.
Newton stayed up as long as he could after that, staying conscious until the early morning hours, but once he started drifting off while he lay practically upside down on the couch, he knew it was time to at least try and sleep. He shut everything off in the room before going into his room and pulling on his pajamas. His bed didn't really seem that appealing as he looked at the disheveled covers, unmade since the last time he cleaned the sheets. Still, he knew that he could fall asleep standing up if he waited long enough, given that it had happened before, so he decided he might as well be comfortable as he suffered.
As he lay in his bed, he felt fear. He didn't know if it would happen again or not despite the results of his scan and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out. In his bed, surrounded by comfort, security, and the weight of being depleted of all energy knocked him out against his will and stole him away. No flashes of images barraged him, there was nothing except darkness, but Newton didn't feel like he was alone.
Another being in his mind seemed to circle his consciousness like a predator, leaving Newton feeling scared and trapped. After a few minutes, the presence stopped pacing and faced him, as much as a disembodied manifestation could. Newton could feel everything even if he couldn't see it. Whatever it was loomed over him, holding him in place through sheer intimidation. When it decided to communicate, it did so on its own terms, choosing to speak without showing itself like the last time.
Newton.
…Yes? Newton answered, feeling only slightly ridiculous for talking to a dream.
Good. You are listening.
Dude, you're echoing through my head. I don't think I could avoid it, he said, regardless of the chill of fear he felt.
The voice seemed to ignore him. I believe you hold the potential to help us, Newton.
Help? Help who? Why would I want to?
Help us. Help us take what is ours. Let us have your mind.
My mind? Help you with what? I am so lost.
The being hit him with images of the Breach, energy crackling as the Earth split open. His consciousness shuddered from the implication. The presence crowded closer to him but he shook away the growing panic. If he woke up, it would all go away. It was only a dream, after all, even if it did feel real.
Why would I ever agree to that? Newton said, feeling the heart in his body start to race.
You have little choice.
Well, I must have some choice or you wouldn't be asking. Why do you even need permission? You're already in my head.
We are only able to enter your unconscious mind when it is free of defenses. When you awaken, you push us out.Poor choices carry consequences, Newton.
What the hell is that supposed to mean?
It would be unwise to say no.
Newton laughed, the sound resonating strangely off the walls of his mind. What are you gonna do? Give me nightmares to death?
The presence bristled angrily, causing an unpleasant static. The charge shocked him, probing into his brain but he was unable to stop it. He felt it poking around, searching for something that Newton couldn't place. It wasn't until it found what it was looking for that he figured out. It wanted to find a weakness.
It pulled out a memory he knew well, one of the first time he met Hermann. Ten years ago, both in their twenties, and Hermann appeared to be just as old and uptight then as he made himself out to be in the present. Back then Newton's arms were bare of tattoos but the beginnings of Trespasser, the first kaiju, were already inked on his right shoulder.
Both fresh out the Academy and recently enlisted in K-Science, they were immediately assigned to work together. The same personality tests used to pair together Jaeger pilots were used on the scientists to create the most productive and cohesive teams possible and the two of them learned they could only be paired with each other. So, as teams of three or four were assigned lab space within the Shatterdome, the two met each other in the smallest lab. The electricity of judgment and competitive tension was instantaneous.
They looked each other in the eye and shook hands, introducing themselves in turn just to be polite under the scrutiny of their superiors. In that moment, he decided Hermann was someone he would never choose to be friends with. It baffled him why the test paired them together unless they were simply the two remainders that couldn't be trusted to work alone. He didn't know how accurate it actually was, that he'd just met the most important person in his life.
What about him? Newton hissed, all humor gone.
If you refuse, we will move to him.
So what? You need permission. If I'm saying no then he definitely will.
No. His mind is strong and of use but his body is frail. He does not suit our needs.
What do you mean?
If you refuse us, we will move to him. We will take what is useful and burn the rest.
In the next instant, his mind was flooded with images of Hermann on his bed, seizing and bleeding from the nose and mouth just as Newton had more than once. He saw himself rushing to his aid, shaking him, screaming his name, but he refused to rouse from his sleep. Hermann choked, drowning in the blood, and Newton leaned him forward to drain it out, but he stopped moving.
Newton froze, staring at him before shaking him slightly, as if he were only in a deep sleep. He set him down carefully on the bed before checking his pulse. Panic set into his expression as he started CPR while screaming for help. His face looked indecisive before he finally stopped for a moment and ran off to grab a phone. He dialed and spoke to emergency services as he continued to press down on his chest. When the call ended, so did Newton's hope. He dropped the phone and stopped the compressions. He held Hermann's body in his arms, sobbing into the crook of his neck until the ambulance finally arrived.
NO! Newton cried, the voice in his head cracking with devastation.
THEN SAY THE WORDS.
Newton hesitated. It was only a dream, wasn't it? What if it wasn't? He could feel hot tears running down his cheeks. Something in his gut told him he couldn't take the chance. Fine. You have my permission. Just leave him alone.
The darkness melted away and his eyes opened to his room. His body was propped up in a sitting position, being held up by a hand clamped on each shoulder. He shifted his gaze and looked up at a terrified looking Hermann as he could feel tears still streaming of their own accord. His throat felt raw again, like the first time, and no sound left his mouth when he tried to speak.
"Oh, thank god," Hermann said in a whisper as he moved one of his hands to the side of Newton's face. "You were screaming for me in your sleep. You wouldn't wake up."
Another wave of tears bubbled up as he stared at Hermann's expression of pure concern. He grabbed the front of Hermann's shirt and pulled him down into his arms where he cried, leaving blood and water stains on the soft, blue collar. Hermann didn't hesitate, he simply pulled him in closer and held him without a word, letting him cry until he couldn't anymore.
When he finally stopped, he noticed that the fear he felt had gone as well, as if it leaked out along with the tears and blood. He pulled back a little just so he could look at Hermann who still appeared worried.
"Sorry about the blood," Newton said hoarsely.
"It doesn't matter," Hermann replied, his gaze remaining on Newton. "What did you dream of that scared you so much?"
Newton shook his head and pulled his arms away. "I don't want to talk about it."
"Newton," Hermann said, placing a hand on his upper arm.
"No. No, I can't. I really…" he trailed off, looking up with pleading eyes.
Hermann nodded. "Is there anything you need?" he said as he moved to stand. "Aspirin? A n—"
Newton panicked again, remembering what the voice in his head showed him. He reached out and pulled Hermann back down when he was in midsentence, keeping a hold on the front of his shirt. "Don't go. Please."
Hermann appeared startled and uncertain until he saw the raw fear in Newton. "Okay."
They both lay down and Hermann allowed Newton to rest against him, his arms wrapped around his torso. Hermann held him and he felt safe. He felt Hermann was safe as long as he stayed where he could keep an eye on him. He didn't sleep, he couldn't bring himself to, but he rest his head on Hermann's chest and listened to his breaths even out and his heart pound. He didn't need anything else to keep him going.