10:29 – 55 minutes until the explosion
The French press hadn't retained heat for long. More importantly, every time Patchouli reheated the contents, a little more water boiled off, leaving it thicker and even darker. Soon enough, she was left with something that looked like runny mud, and decided that she didn't really need more coffee just yet.

But that wasn't her biggest concern. As she'd settled back into her studies, Patchouli could hear the order of the mansion breaking down beyond the library doors. Literally, she could hear it: Distant shouting and the stomps of running feet. She didn't know what was going on out there, nor did she want to.

Unfortunately, she didn't have that option. Not even an hour after she'd gotten back from the kitchen, she was interrupted. "Yo! Patchy!"

It was Marisa. Although, in an unprecedented novelty, her voice came from the main door to the library. She never entered through there. Patchouli had caught her entering through side entrances, skylights, holes in the mansion's foundation, and windows, but never by simply walking in the front door. It was enough to be suspicious by itself.

"Good evening, Marisa." Patchouli did not turn around. In fact, she did her best to pretend that Marisa wasn't even there. Not that it changed much. A few seconds later, white cloth with pink pinstripes dangled down in front of her face and obscured her vision.

"Are these yours?"

Patchouli leaned back until she could get a clear view. It was as she'd feared: A pair of panties. And yes, they were hers. She reached up and snatched them out of Marisa's hand. "Where did you get those?"

"I found 'em," Marisa said, as she walked around the table to pull out a chair, then sat down, with her legs spread to straddle the back. "I'm even being honest! They were hangin' from a chandelier. Sakuya takes a day off and things really go crazy around here, huh?"

"You know?"

"Yeah, everybody does. Half of Gensokyo's probably talking about it by now! Aya caught her having dinner in the human village. That kinda thing gets around, you know?"

"And why are you here?"

"Well, I thought it'd be a good chance to look around some rooms in the mansion I hadn't seen before, stuff like that!"

"By which you mean stealing things."

"I was just lookin' around, honest! I didn't take anything!" Marisa sat upright and raised her arms, letting Patchouli see that she wasn't carrying anything. It was true, she couldn't see anything out of the ordinary.

At least, until a leatherbound book fell out of the magician's shirt, landing on the chair in front of her.

With a scowl, Patchouli reached over the table to grab the book, while Marisa just laughed and rubbed the back of her head, looking like a kid who'd gotten caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "Sorry, I forgot I had that one! It's kinda habit by now."

Patchouli inspected the book. Prologomenon to Observations on the Magical Sciences. She recognized it. She'd been reading it mere hours ago, actually.

... there was a piece of paper sticking out of the top. "Marisa, where did you get this?"

"Huh? Well, it was laying on the table. I was in here earlier, but you were asleep. I didn't wanna wake you up, so..."

But Patchouli wasn't listening. She pulled the slip of paper out of the book and unfolded it.

Patchouli,

I have today off, but I thought it would be appropriate to leave some instructions in case you need anything before I return.

I left coffee cold-brewing in the pantry. You'll need to mix it with an equal amount of warm water before you drink it. If you run out, you can make more coffee by...

Patchouli cursed under her breath... then stared at the coffee brewing instructions, memorizing them. Marisa leaned across the table. "Wassat?"

"It's from Sakuya."

"Huh."

Patchouli skimmed the rest of the letter. Instructions for brewing tea, key phrases for threatening the fairy maids into behaving, two simple recipes in case she wanted to eat... she had to grudgingly admit that it was useful.

I've left a copy of all of this with Lady Remilia, but I doubt she'll read it, so I'd appreciate it if you could check on her. I've also left dinner for Lady Flandre in the icebox. If you can, please try to feed her bynine PM.

Her initial response was to be annoyed that the maid had the temerity to ask her to attend to those things, but she realized what it meant: While Sakuya was gone, she was the most responsible person in the house.

The thought was a little terrifying, honestly.

Patchouli folded the letter, stored it in a pocket, grabbed her mug again, and rose to standing. Marisa watched this sudden outburst of energy curiously. "Where're you going?"

"First, to get coffee. You're coming with me."

10:33 – 51 minutes until the explosion
The heavy door of the library creaked shut behind Patchouli, and the magician withdrew a key from the voluminous folds of her robes. The lock sealed itself with a loud clack. Marisa watched this with interest—she'd never seen the doors to the library locked, even during incidents. "Being a little paranoid, aren't you?"

"I'm only taking necessary precautions. I don't know what anarchy is spreading through the mansion, but it is not welcome inside the library." Patchouli closed her eyes and mumbled through a complicated-sounding spell; moments later, a bright, jagged rune appeared at the center of each door, then faded away to a dull glow.

"What's that for?"

"Concussive intruder deterrents."

"Uh...?"

"It means that they will explode if the doors are opened," Patchouli explained, even more dryly than usual. "This is the only unguarded portal into the library..." she gave Marisa a meaningful look of warning, "so with this precaution, it should be safe until my return." The magician cast another, less complicated-seeming spell now, and a delicately-lettered sign appeared on the door at eye level: 'The library is temporarily closed. Fairies and intruders are not welcome!'

"Harsh."

"Says an intruder."

Patchouli set off for the kitchen, and seeing the state of the rest of the mansion quickly reassured her that she'd made the right choice in sealing the library. Beyond its walls, the mansion was now a war zone. The fairies, now fully aware that Sakuya was gone, had lost all inhibitions. Three of them ran past, wearing flower pots on their heads, and Patchouli kept walking. A pile of carrots, fresh-picked from the garden judging by the dirt still clinging to them, sat abandoned in the corner, and Patchouli kept walking. Half of a hallway was coated in ice, and Patchouli kept walking... carefully. At least now she fully understood the conditions that had led to a pair of her panties hanging from a chandelier.

When the pair were close to the main entrance to the mansion, Patchouli stopped. "Do you want to leave voluntarily, or do I have to throw you out?"

"Aww, Patchy, you're no fun..."

The librarian turned toward Marisa and crossed her arms sternly. "There are other things that require my attention tonight, and I'd rather not worry about what you're up to the whole time. So, I'm offering you a compromise. If you leave now, I won't search you to find out what else you've stolen. If you do not agree to leave... we will see if the spellcard system is favoring you tonight."

Marisa pursed her lips and scratched the back of her head. "And you won't tell Sakuya I was here."

"... agreed."

"Hehe. You're not half-bad sometimes, Patchy."

Patchouli wasn't about to let herself be distracted by idle flattery. She gestured toward the door. "Good night, Marisa."

"Right, right." The witch adjusted her hat, then took a step toward the door and waved to Patchouli over her back. "'night, Patchy. See ya soon."

"I would hope not."

10:42 – 42 minutes until the explosion
"Fufufufu... you think that you can stand against the Scarlet Devil?"

"Yuh-huh!"

"Then come!" Remilia sunk down to a combat-ready posture, and wobbled a little in the process. Perhaps she shouldn't have had that last drink. "Come to your doom!"

The fairy maid across from her gave a shrill battle cry, then took a deep breath, spread her fingers, and started the opening phases of a spellcard. Curving lines of green energy snaked out of her hands and crept toward Remilia in a tangled mess. "M-mistletoe Sign: Strangling Roots!"

The creeping tendrils of energy were hard to predict, but really. Remilia had dueled with the Hakurei shrine maiden several times, and sparred with Patchouli on a weekly basis to keep herself sharp. A card such as this, put together by a mere forest fairy... it was child's play. She barely had to sidestep to dodge the single tendril that was near her, then raised her hand for a counterattack. "Midnight Curse: Fang of the Vampire." Spears of scarlet energy stabbed forward, backed up by waves of bullets, curving beams of destruction, and... well, usually she added orbs of darkness to this spellcard, but before she reached that point, the overwhelmed fairy cowered to the ground in front of the onslaught. A single lance of energy speared into her chest and knocked her over with the force of a firm shove.

A cheer went up from the crowd of fairy onlookers, who were already crowding in as the wall of bullets disappeared.

"Wow! Lady Remilia really is amazing!"
"Do it again! Do it again!"

One of the fairies pressed a glass of wine into Remilia's hand. She took a large sip from it, then smirked at the group. "Yes, was there ever any doubt?" This wasn't the first drink she'd earned since the night's activities had somehow turned to competitive spellcard battles. She wasn't quite sure which number this was, but it had been quite a few. Past the point where Sakuya usually suggested, in her infinitely deferent and calm tone, that perhaps she should stop for the night.

But tonight! Tonight, Remilia was without a maid. She was learning to enjoy it. And these fairies! So easily impressed, so willing to go along with anything that sounded entertaining... she was enjoying the night despite herself, and all thoughts of chastising the disobedient maids had vanished.

Remilia swirled the last few sips of wine in her glass as she looked out over the adoring crowd. "Now then, who will be the next to test her might against me?"

The fairies glanced between themselves, and a murmur ran through the crowd. Most of the more eager participants had already been defeated, and no volunteers were stepping forward... until one of them piped, "Oh! Oh! She should fight the witch!"

"Oh! Yeah! That'd be neat!"

"... the witch?" Remilia frowned now, and looked critically at the crowd of fairies. "Who is the witch?"

"Um, she's got a big hat!"
"It's pointy!"
"I, um..." a shorter, pink-haired fairy mumbled. "I saw her upstairs earlier..." She was one of the few fairies still wearing her uniform, and clenched the lower hem of the apron anxiously as she spoke. "I-I think she comes here a lot?"

The other fairies chorused agreement, with a dozen immediately joining in with their sightings.
"I saw her downstairs!"
"... carried away a painting...!"
"... is in the armory...!"

Remilia had heard that description often enough to know who they were talking about. "So, the witch thinks that she can thieve from me, does she? … yes, I think that is what we will do." She drained the last of the wine from her glass, then tossed it away and pointed a finger into the air. "Come, my maids! We will find this intruder, and you will get to see the true might of the Scarlet Devil!"

10:52 – 32 minutes until the explosion
Marisa's exploration had paid off. Marisa's exploration had paid off in droves. Heading downstairs had been the right choice. She'd found a wine cellar (full of drunken fairies already), a long-disused dungeon full of interestingly spiky things, an entire armory, and much, much more. Her curiosity was satisfied for the moment, and her pockets... well, she'd taken a few odds and ends that nobody would miss. Okay, and one flail. And that book Patchouli had just confiscated.

There were a lot of things that warranted further exploration, but for once, tonight, her curiosity was satiated. So, as the door to the mansion thudded shut behind her, her first impulse was to actually go home. But...

Marisa pulled out a pocket watch and checked the time. 10:52 PM. That still gave her an hour until Sakuya returned, and she wasn't going to get an opportunity like this again for... well, for a long time. And Patchouli had sealed the library, but she'd also said that she was going to be doing other things. If Marisa was quick, she might be able to get through the skylight. It was probably still rigged to raise an alarm, but it would give her enough time to snatch a book or two and get back out of the library before Patchouli returned...

If Marisa had ever heard a good plan, that was definitely it. Her mind made up, she settled onto her broomstick and set off toward the rooftop of the library.

11:00 – 24 minutes until the explosion
When Patchouli entered the kitchen, two fairies were crawling around inside the cupboards. As soon as they heard footsteps, they squeaked in surprise and, in a clatter of pots and pans, dashed out the door. Patchouli paid this no mind, and stepped into the pantry. It had obviously been raided, and almost everything that looked sweet or messy had been stolen or spilled, but most of the rest was still untouched. Among this, true to Sakuya's word, was a small pitcher of coffee. Patchouli crossed a treacherous pile of spilled rice to get to it, then carried it back into the kitchen.

True to Sakuya's word, mixing the concentrated coffee with hot water gave her a cup of smooth coffee. Wonderful, non-burnt, grit-free, normal coffee. She considered her next stop as she savored it.

Flandre was two hours overdue for a meal now, so that would have to be her first stop. She checked the icebox for the food that Sakuya's letter had mentioned. The icebox, too, had been raided by fairies, and almost everything was gone... except for a single piece of cake. It looked quite tasty, yellow cake with gooey red icing between the layers and a thin coating of marzipan over the top. Apparently a fairy had agreed, because there was a single bite missing.

But just one. The red icing, Patchouli suspected, didn't taste very good to anybody who wasn't a vampire.

Plate in hand, she shuffled down the hall, having to sidestep the occasional fairy duel or game of tag. This was really starting to get in the way of her studies. She had been planning to finish reading the Prologomenon tonight and, after incorporating its advice into her procedures, run several experiments concerning the magically-induced growth of crystals. But obviously those plans would have to wait until another night. If she weren't practically immortal, this sort of squandering of her time would be intolerable. As it was, it was just annoying.

As Patchouli descended, she noticed that the lower floors were in as good of a condition as ever. Apparently even the fairy maids had been cautious enough to avoid the levels of the mansion leading down to Flandre's basement bedroom. Compared to the clamor that was going on in the rest of the mansion, it left the basement eerily quiet.

Closer to her destination, the silence was pierced by a single cry of "Whooooooosh!", followed by high-pitched giggling. Before she could make any sense of this, a red, white, and green blur came barreling around the corner, and Patchouli instinctively raised her free hand to conjure a shimmering magical barrier in front of herself. At the very last second, she got a look at her aggressor: Meiling, giving Flandre a piggyback ride. Before she could even process this information, the two thumped against the impenetrable barrier, then fell to the ground, with a thud and the jangle of crystalline wings.

Meiling took the brunt of the impact, and was left sprawled on the floor and dazed. Flandre was half-buried under her, but in a much better condition. "P-patchy, that was mean!"

"I'm sorry," Patchouli said, as dryly as ever. With a wave of her hand, she banished the barrier. "You took me by surprise."

"... ah! Cake!" As soon as Flandre spotted it, she started squirming out from beneath Meiling, while the stunned gatekeeper slowly recovered and sat upright, holding her head.

"Hello, Meiling."

"Nnh... hello, Lady Patchouli."

Flandre tugged the saucer of cake out of Patchouli's hands, flopped down against the wall, and started eating. Meiling brushed herself off, then smiled at this. "That was nice of you."

"It was nice of you to play with Flandre instead of doing your job. Marisa was in the library earlier."

"Eh-heh. Sorry. I was afraid that she might be in here, but then the maids started acting up and I decided to take a look. I could hear them all the way from the gate. It seems like they won't listen to anybody but Sakuya, though... And then I realized that Lady Flandre was probably lonely, and..."

Patchouli frowned thoughtfully. The maids probably were probably a bigger threat to the mansion's well-being than intruders, at least right now... particularly now that Marisa had been driven off. She pulled the letter out of her pocket, carefully ripped out the section containing Sakuya's tips for dealing with fairy maids, and offered it over. "Here."

"Huh? What's this...?" Meiling turned the paper around to read it, then perked up. "Oh! Useful."

"I will see to it that Flandre gets back to her room."

Meiling thankfully took the hint. She crouched down and ruffled Flandre's hair. "It looks like I should get back to work. We'll play again tomorrow, okay?"

"Mmmphmm!" Flandre's mouth was full of cake, with a little crimson icing still smeared on her lips.

"Good!" Meiling straightened up and flexed one arm, grinning. "I'll get the fairy situation straightened out, Lady Patchouli! You can count on me!"

"See that you do." Honestly, Patchouli didn't particularly care. Even if a fairy got past the library's locks, the runes she'd left on the door would make them regret the decision. The rest of the mansion could fend for itself.

The cake was gone, and Flandre now finished licking her fork clean. "Hey, where's Sakuya?" she asked, as if just now realizing that something was out of the ordinary.

"She is on vacation today."

"But it's a Tuesday... I'm supposed to have tea with Remi on Tuesdays."

"She'll be back later."

Flandre scowled. While she seemed to be taking it well, all things considered, Patchouli did notice that Flandre clenched the fork, which sort of... warped and sizzled as raw destructive energy seeped into it. Living in a household with a temperamental engine of destruction had inspired Patchouli to invest in a few contingencies, and she was reasonably certain that she could probably survive if Flandre were to truly bring her full power to bear one day.

She didn't really want to test it, though. For now, it was probably a better idea to mollify her.

"Would you like to go see if she wants tea anyway?"

"Yeah!"

The small vampire was nimble, she had to give her that. Before Patchouli even realized what was happening, Flandre had dropped her saucer, leapt into the air, and settled onto her shoulders. The magician shuddered under the tiny girl's weight, but Flandre didn't seem to notice as she spurred Patchouli's sides with her heels. "Onward!"

"F-flan..." Patchouli could feel her slipper-clad feet slipping beneath her, and she leaned one hand against the wall for support. "Please... p-please g-get off..."

"Huh?" Flandre had been grabbing two bow-wrapped bundles of hair to use as reins, but now bent over to look down at Patchouli's face.

"Please get...!" Patchouli quickly ran through her contingencies for this sort of situation. There were spells that could theoretically bolster her strength enough for this, or spells that would make Flandre as light as air. She hadn't brought the right reagents, though, and it was kind of hard to cast spells when she was struggling to breathe.

Patchouli collapsed to the floor, and Flandre ended up seated on her back. "Aww."

"W-we will... we will walk." After forcing out the handful of words, Patchouli took a deep wheeze. Having her face forced against the dusty floor was aggravating her asthma, and the girl sitting on top of her wasn't exactly helping. "We will both walk."

After taking a few minutes to recover, Patchouli set off for the upper floors again, with Flandre trailing behind her. It wasn't long before she faced the next obstacle: Rounding a corner, she found herself face-to-face with a barricade: chairs, tables, paintings, and at least one grandfather clock, all piled up almost to the ceiling.

And on top of it: Half a dozen fairy maids, looking very smug.

"Stop! This area is ours now!" The fairy who was speaking was a spring rain fairy, Patchouli noticed. A classic specimen, actually: Serrated blue-white wings, pink hair... she could have come straight out of the diagram labeled 'Fairy, spring rain,' in the 1787 classic A Taxonomy of the Fairies of the Seasons.

Patchouli almost wanted to document such a prime example of the species, but for now, there were more immediate concerns. "What area?"

"This!" The fairy gestured grandiosely, then put her hands on her hips and grinned. "We, the Fairy Maid Coalition, have conquered this mansion and are gonna, um, use it for all of fairy-kind! This is the Great Fairy Mansion now."

"I thought it was the 'Mansion for Great Fairies'?" somebody shouted from behind the barricade.

"No, we said it was the Scarlet Fairy Palace!"

"Hey! This mansion belongs to me and my sister!" Flandre took a single stomp forward, sending her wings jingling.

"Fufufufu." The fairy hefted a makeshift scepter—Patchouli was 90% certain it was actually a table leg—and then leveled it at Flandre. "It used to! Now it's ours!"

"W-what makes you think that something like a fairy can stand in front of me! I could destroy you as easy as I blink!"

"The combined might of our fairy sisters will never be defeated!" While the fairy leading the pack seemed convinced, a few of her more experienced allies had started casually scooting away from the barricade.

Patchouli zoned out, and the argument faded into background noise. Again, she'd need a quick resolution if she was going to keep Flandre calm. Or, at least, if she was going to keep the fairies in one piece. So. Today was a Tuesday, which meant fire spells... right. They weren't the solution she would have gone for if she had time to prepare, but they were convenient at the moment.

With a simple wave of her hand, a wave of molten projectiles blasted into the barricade. Patchouli was fair: They were spellcard rules compliant, nonlethal and with enough room to dodge between them. But they were still fire, and fairies were... well, fairies. The barricade exploded into ash, smoke, and rubble as the projectiles tore through it, and the fairies variously fled or fell to the ground, groaning. Somewhere in the din, she could hear Flandre cackling gleefully.

Once the smoke cleared, Patchouli carefully picked a path through the fallen fairies and rubble, while Flandre made more of a game of it, hopping on one foot, then the other, over the fairies in what looked like some form of hopscotch. Patchouli added another item to her mental checklist: Have Sakuya replace the furniture in this area and send fairy maids to clean up the mess.

The rest of the walk was relatively uneventful. There were still plenty of signs of fairy mischief around, but most of the smarter ones seemed to have heard the explosion and decided that they had better places to be. Just like with Flandre, the fairies and their messes both grew less and less common the closer she got to Remilia's room.

The door to Remilia's bedroom was cracked open, and when the two approached, Flandre took off dashing. "Remiiiiiii!" Patchouli took her time, plodding behind her, but still got a look inside the room after Flandre threw the door open.

It wasn't pretty.

Remilia's coffin, atop her four-poster bed, was still open. The door to the wardrobe was open, with half a dozen garments laying on the floor in front of it. A small pile of books had similarly been strewn around the room. The door to the balcony was open, and the wind had scattered papers on top of all of this.

But Remilia, Remilia was nowhere to be seen. Flandre stood in the middle of the room and looked around in confusion.

It wasn't really suspicious, but it did leave Patchouli at a bit of a loss. If Remilia wasn't in her room, and hadn't been in the kitchen, she could be practically anywhere in the massive mansion. Tracking her down could take hours.

And then, half a dozen magical alarms went off, demanding Patchouli's attention from the corners of her awareness. They all screamed the same thing: One of the sealed windows to the library had been opened.

Marisa.

"... Flandre, I need to go to the library immediately."

11:21 – 3 minutes until the explosion
With the help of her army of fairies, Remilia had scoured most of the mansion already, and found... nothing. Fairies weren't very good investigators, really. The potential leads that they'd brought back to her included a single carrot, a cup, the fairy's own headdress, and a tapestry that the fairy insisted was suspicious-looking.

She wasn't going to be deterred. After narrowing it down, she'd determined that the intruder could only be one place: the library. The door stood in front of her now, but...

"The... l-library is... tempor... arily c-closed. Fairies... and intruders... are not welcome," the fairy next to her read aloud, helpfully. The fairy's name was Petal, and she'd been very helpful tonight. Remilia was already considering recommending her to Sakuya as a vice head maid... but that could wait for another time. Petal turned to her with a frown. "Um. Maybe she's not here?"

Remilia shook her head with a confident smirk. "No, there's no doubt about it." She took a step forward and pounded on the door. "Marisa! I know that you've been thieving in my mansion! Come out and face me!"

Marisa's voice, from inside the library, sounded almost surprised. "I didn't...! Well, okay, I did, but... that actually wouldn't be a good idea!"

"Hmph. Do you see how frightened she is of me?" Remilia asked the fairies around her. They nodded, totally impressed by this show of confidence, and she tried the doorknob. Locked. "... open this door immediately!"

"Uh, Remilia! I don't think you want that...!"

"I know what I want."

"No, I mean! You really don't wanna come in here!"

"This is my mansion, and I will go where I please!" Remilia raised one hand, and a lance of destructive energy materialized in it. "This is your last chance! Open the door, or I will open it myself!"

11:24 – Remilia blows everybody up
From within the library, Marisa's frantic footsteps could be heard, scrambling farther away from the door. "Oi, just leave the door alone and listen!"

Meiling stepped out of the hall, beaming proudly. She'd finally tracked down the crowd of fairies, and now, it was time to return order to the mansion. "Hey! Come on, we need to get back to work, guys!"

Patchouli, breathless and hauling Flandre behind her, rounded the corner. "R-remi! Please stop and...!"

Flandre waved with her free hand. "Hi, Remi!"

In the very same instant as all of this, Remilia thrust her weapon down. The wood of the library's doors was no match for the terrible energy, and it vaporized in a cloud of smoke, destroying the lock. The doors swung open... and for just a moment, the massive runes engraved on them flared with light.

And then, they exploded, blasting outward with a wave of light and force.