A/N: Sorry that this has taken so much time and that this Chapter is really short. But I guess I'll be able to write more the next weeks, therefore I hope you'll be able to forgive me. This cahpter has an abrupt ending because it's the first part of two. The second will follow tomorrow or least next sunday.

Chapter Six: Bring me to life

Without a soul
my spirit's sleeping somewhere cold
until you find it there and lead it back home
(Evanescence)

Lilly has left the department early this evening. She wanted to head home, was longing for her bed. For the first time in weeks she really wanted to sleep. The former night she has been able to sleep and she hoped that she was able to sleep again without seeing him. She didn't believe her own hopes and thoughts, but a little thing in her mind still trusted in the good.

But this little thing in her mind was mistaken. She woke up. She woke up after only two hours sleep, sweated with fear and gasped. That definitely wasn't her idea of sleeping. Tripod looked at her desperately. The cat exactly knew what Lilly felt.

Was her wish of a quiet afternoon only of sleep to much? Was this her penalty for not observe Stillman and going to George Marks' house even though Stillman has said that she was not allowed to leave the department? Wasn't the night with George, the torture and the pain of remembering enough?

She felt tears in her eyes, but she didn't want to cry. Hasn't she always been brave? She wasn't herself at the moment, but she didn't want to be weak. She had to build up her walls again. Brick for brick. She swallowed her tears away again.

Lilly longed for a shower, but she knew whom she would see again. She needed some cold, but her fears defeated her wishes. Going to the bathroom to see him again was the last thing she wanted to do.

Instead she put her white dressing gown on and left her apartment.

It was cold outside and Lilly was freezing, but she didn't mind. She just wanted to free her mind of those thoughts that were not able to leave her psyche. Although the young detective was supposed to know that the streets of Philadelphia weren't the right place for a lonely woman, especially at night, she didn't remind herself of that subject.

Without thinking she headed to the river. Even when she was standing before the river and looking at it, she didn't make it the danger of a certain reflection. She watched the dark water which was so dark that she couldn't even see the ground, but for that she was able to see her reflection pretty clear. In first instance she was quite shocked of herself. She looked exhausted and awful. Had she seen any beauty in her appearance before, it definitely had gone. Of course, she was still pretty, but it wasn't the same, her eyes had lost this special twinkle, it was as though her soul had left her body.

After some minutes she became aware that she hasn't seen him, yet. She waited, but he still didn't appear. Would she be free in this river? Was this a sign?

Lilly walked a bit further and reached the bridge. The wind was blowing and she felt with all her senses. She felt free, really free. She hadn't felt like this for long. But even though she had the emotion that she felt all her senses, she lost them to some extent. She was in trance as though she was a kind of sleepwalker and the river had a great attraction to her.