A/N: Sorry for the delay! I had a work thing, and an end of BSG thing (srsly? That's how they ended it? Really?), and now I am back to work on this. For your patience you are getting 2 chapters (almost 3,500 words!) in one. Warning the angst may be jacked up to 100 thanks to the end of BSG, but it'll be worth it. I promise!!! (also if you are in Kara/Lee pain I recommend rewatching Ron Moore's Extended Cut of Unfinished Business, I recommend rewatching it until your disc wears out or your eyes bleed, your choice, at least your neat little apple cart will be upset) Enjoy, review, and tell your friends!

Kara found her quarters. The dress bag was neatly hung up, her bag set on the bed. The room was clean, sparse, and still it felt more like home than that grimy tent probably ever would. She had never been a tidy person. The only time she ever cleaned up her act (figuratively and literally) was when Zak had practically moved in with her. He was tidy, she did her best to follow suit. When he died so had all sense of order in her universe, order was for happy people, for people who got what they wanted out of life.

She remembered in one of her classes the professor talked about chaos theory and how all orderly things emerged from chaos and fought against entropy's attempts to take it back. She didn't think you were supposed to feel a kinship with scientific theory, but this was one she did.

The main benefits of her quarters were the full sized bed with real mattress and the private head. Since crew was mostly skeleton, the 5 minute shower rule was rolled back. She planned on taking complete advantage of both. Anything to get the months of grime and New Caprica off of her would be good. Something that might result in an actual full night's sleep, well that would be heaven.

She stripped off her clothes; peeled might have actually been a better term. She was surprised they weren't all covered in lice (considering the limited bathing resources), the thought made her itch anyways. She threw the clothes down the laundry chute; she also dumped the clothes she grabbed from the tent down too. Either laundry services would clean them or burn them; it really didn't matter to her. On the sink there was a pile of fresh towels. On the closed toilet lid were a set of tanks and her old off duty sweats, also clean fresh underwear. She had stopped wearing underwear planet side; mostly cos all it did was keep the grime that much closer to her body. The tanks and clothes were even hers, the faded name tags within them still bearing her serial number and call sign. On top of the towels was a note:

"Courtesy of the Commander of the Pegasus"

Lee had either been forewarned that she was coming on board, or he really was that quick. Being a commander meant that even with a quarter of the previous staff, things got done when he asked. If she had anything cleaner or better to wear (besides that damn dress) she would have rejected the clothes just to spite him, but right now she was willing to give him a win for the chance to wear clean clothes. It was just better to accept the gift of a former superior officer; after all, she was a guest on this ship.

The water was hot; she had turned it up as high as it would let her. She wanted it to boil off the remnants of that place, of that man, of that time when she stopped being Starbuck and started just being Kara. She let it beat away the hard feelings and the harder days. She let it flush away everything, until she felt like her old self again, until she felt like she was where she belonged, until the only thing left in that stall was Starbuck.

She dried herself off with the scratchy towels. Fabric softener had been long gone, as had most soaps, what they were cleaning clothes and towels with was inconsequential to her now. Maybe they were beating them against rocks in the laundry room. The thought made her laugh. She pulled on the clean clothes; they hung on her thinner frame. She hadn't just lost weight, she had lost muscle. She wiped the steam away from the mirror to see her cheekbones protruded just a bit more than they used to. She could see the cave of her collarbone, the waist on the pants hung on her hip bones. There were circles of purple and black under her eyes, not from a fight, but from a lack of sleep, of peace, of everything. She was glad there were no mirrors that were easy access on New Caprica. Looking in this one just made her want to smash it, smash who she had become, instead she turned away.

She turned to the bed. In a few hours there would be a rollicking game of triad going on in the pilots' ready room, the booze would flow freely, the stories would fly, tall tales would get taller, and she wanted to participate fully, and maybe kick a little ass. Even though she had dozed off on the raptor she was tired, much more tired than she thought. In this place, this "home" all she wanted to do was crawl into a ball and fall asleep. So she did.

After the accident Helo got ahead of her in the academy. He was in simulators, she was learning strategy. He was learning jump coordinate calculations; she was learning rules and regulations. He was on his way to becoming a pilot, she was stuck in officers school. She was learning combat planning when it all struck her as hilarious, really, when would they need to plan combat? The cylons were long gone, and unless an alien race came to attack them, this would all be pointless. Besides it was all so obvious, in real war, plans had to be what got you killed. She hoped she'd never know. She saw Helo less and less. He spent more time in a cockpit, and she spent her time between therapy, classrooms, and occasionally she'd sneak into the flight simulators. That last thing was what got her written up for the first time. She just wanted to fly.

The less he was around, the more her mouth got her in trouble. Laughing during a lecture on the Battle of the Scorpion Moon didn't get her in trouble, pointing out that it was an easy win on a strategically insignificant location got her 15 days simulation clean up (lots of nuggets lost their lunch in them). Slack was cut once she got in the simulators herself. She quickly maxxed out on simulation time, and held every record the machine could hold. She nailed the red zone with 4 clean kill shots after 5 minutes in the gyro-chair. She was not only the highest ranking woman on her flight tests, she was the highest ranking anyone. Still Helo wasn't with her as much as she was used to. He was out on a survival test when she wanted to celebrate her scores.

She earned her call sign before she hit an actual cockpit. Karl earned his, "Helo," because he was the son of a high ranking officer, and Helo was another word for the sun. It was appropriate if not unoriginal. She would have given him the name "Sucker" cos he was rarely without one. Hers was "Starbuck" because she was always bucking authority with her eyes on the stars. Her flight instructor was a woman, which might explain the more creative name. She had also beaten all of her records, kicked her ass at triad, and tried to punch her after one too many drinks. Maybe it was because she bucked authority and the bitch wanted her to see stars. It didn't matter, because the name was hers, and she wouldn't have wanted any other.

Helo was still half-heartedly playing pyramid. His heart wasn't in it, which was obvious by the number of fouls he racked up, and the fewer and fewer points he scored. Eventually he was on the bench more than on the court and he got booted from the team. It didn't matter; his grades and flight scores were so good they kept him on scholarship.

Helo's skills were in a raptor, hers was in a viper. They were similar machines, but fundamentally different. He could calculate jump coordinates in his head, she needed both hands and feet to do simple math. It was common for 2nd year pilots of talent to be recruited out to units that would finish their training and give them experience. Scorpion was home to the Raptor Wranglers, the best pilots and ECOs in the fleet came out of there. It was the chance of a lifetime for a raptor pilot. When they wanted you, there was no saying no. It was no real surprise when the raptor squadron out of Scorpion recruited him. She remembered that day clearly; even though it was one she cared not to remember at all.

He had just finished helping her put the physical in physical therapy. They finally had a few days leave that coincided; they also coincided with Karl's roommate being out on training. So they did what Kara and Karl did best, they got some food, had a few drinks, went home and frakked. They woke up the next day, watched some television, snacked, and frakked. They were laying in bed when the conversation turned from what kind of take out they should get (cos they felt clothing should be optional, after all it was their time off, and clothes just got in the way, so it's not like they could go out for food) to something they had avoided for years.

"I heard a rumor that the Wranglers have their eye on you." She started it, she always started it didn't she?

"I might have heard something like that, but I don't think I'm going to go." Helo replied as he spun the orange colored lollipop in his mouth, proof that some things never change.

"Seriously? No one says no to a chance like that. If it were the Viglantes on my doorstep I'd be gone in a heartbeat."

"It's not that simple Kara and you know it. I just don't know if I should go."

"Why would you stay?"

He wrapped his massive arms around her, pulling her to his chest, "Well, there's you, someone's gotta keep an eye on you."

"I get in plenty of trouble even when you do have your eye on me."

"And you still aren't 100%."

"No, my broken body will not be an excuse for you abandoning an opportunity. I am not an invalid anymore; they're letting me take my Gs stress test for my knee next week. I should be in a viper in under a month. You sir, are healthy enough to have been in a cockpit for months now, and they must like what they see if they want you."

"I know, but I really don't want to go without you." He held her a little bit tighter to his chest.

"Karl, really?" She rolled her eyes. "Cos you can't do something without me? You've been doing a lot without me lately, and doing it well." She pulled out of his grip, tightening the sheet against her chest, turning to look at him. She was starting to get angry.

"But we're still on the same frakking planet Kara." She could see the heat building in him. When Karl was angry the first sign was the flaring nostrils, the second was the veins in his neck popping out. His nostrils were flaring when he blurted out, "Kara, I love you, and I don't want to be without you."

Her mouth fell open, she was astonished. There were things that they didn't say, topics which were never broached. There were things they didn't speak of, Kara and Karl, Helo and Starbuck, didn't use words. They especially didn't use words like this.

"Frak me." Was the first thing that flew out of her mouth, the veins in his neck started to pulse. "Seriously Karl, no. No, you can't use that as an excuse."

"Come on Kara, we've been together how long? 10 years? Yeah we've dated other people, but we always come back to each other. Since our leave time started 12 hours ago the longest we've been apart is bathroom breaks. There's a reason for that, and its love."

"Don't mistake comfort and safety for love Karl." This was a lesson she had learned from the only other man in her life that had ever really mattered, Dreilide Thrace.

"If loving you was comfortable or safe I'd be shocked." The third sign Karl was getting angry was the red flush that crept up his neck to his face, it was the same flush he got right before he came, he wasn't coming this time. "I don't even know why we are talking about this, they haven't recruited me yet."

"You dropped the L word on me, and now you're going to change the subject? Nice Karl, real nice."

"Well it's not like you said it back, I sort of thought you were going to hit me." He chuckled.

"It's not that I don't love you Karl, you know that I do. I just think you could do, and deserve a lot better than me."

"I don't want better, I want you."

"You only want me because I'm always here. It's easy with us because we've never really been apart."

"I don't want to be apart."

"What is it they say, if you love something set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be?"

"So you want me to go?"

"Dear lords yes! I don't want to be the one thing that leads to a world of regret for you."

"I could never regret you."

"You say that now, but you don't know. My mother always told me I had some special destiny, I always thought it was crap, but now that I've sat in those simulators I know she was right. I'm supposed to be up there in a viper, and you know what they say: Viper jocks and Raptor jocks are two different kinds of people."

"Really? You're going to use our flight preferences as a reason?"

"What I mean is you should go off to Scorpion and learn from the best, hell, I give it 3 months and you'll be shacked up with some raptor pilot honey. You'll be her ECO, she'll boss you around in the ship, and you'll boss her around everywhere else. It'll be frakking bliss."

"Nice. That doesn't change the fact that I love you."

There was a knock at his door. It was a persistent, urgent, yet official sounding rap. They both looked at each other. Of course in the middle of this discussion some ass hat would be knocking down the door, probably looking for his roommate.

Helo got up and put on a pair of boxers, "This isn't over, so you better come up with something better." The look in his eyes slayed her, he really believed that staying behind to be with her was the right thing to do. She could never let him do it, no matter how much she wanted to grab onto him and never let go. She had relied on him for her stability, for her family, for her everything for so long it felt selfish not to let him go.

When he opened the door there was a lieutenant standing outside. He was in dress blues, with an official looking folder under his arm. She couldn't see his face from where she was still lying.

"I'm looking for a Karl C. Agathon."

"That would be me."

"Is this how you show respect for a superior officer?" The man was commenting that Helo was either in only boxers, or that he wasn't saluting. Helo went for the obvious fix and saluted. "At ease. May I come in?" This guy was awfully pompous and she heard a slight tinge of "stick up his ass" in his voice. She wrapped the sheet around her, but suggestively draped herself across Karl's bed. If this jerk was going to come in, she was going to frak with him.

"Yes, Sir." Karl commented and moved from the door. He turned to look for some pants and a shirt, and gave Kara the eye when she stuck her tongue out at him.

The man entered the room and closed the door behind him. When he turned back he saw her, and she locked eyes with the most beautiful set of azure eyes ever. They were the color of the blue paint she used as a child to paint her silly swirls. They were the color of a perfect sky. She actually forgot to breathe for a moment, and suddenly felt far more naked than she was, she clutched at the sheet, feigning a sudden modesty. He looked at her in passing, but she felt an unexplainable tug within her to be near him. She simultaneously wanted to smack the smug look off his face and frak him until he cried out her name.

The man sat down at the small table that held the remnants of their last pizza, a flash is disgust crossed his face. He pushed the box back with the folder. She suddenly felt vastly underdressed and grabbed her things and rushed into the closet to change. She could hear them talking, exchanging pleasantries. The man was from the Scorpion Raptor group, he was here to recruit Karl. They were impressed, blah blah blah. They wanted to promote Karl to lieutenant, and work with him on complicated jump coordinates and maneuvers. The man was all business, stiff starch and regulations.

When she came out of the closet he really looked at her. She heard him make some passing comment to the effect of "She's a pilot?" He had apparently assumed she was some sort of civie pilot frakker. There were plenty of girls in town like that, but she was still more than a little offended.

"Yeah she's the best damn viper pilot in the academy and hasn't stepped foot in a cockpit yet." Helo was proud of her, and it made her heart swell a bit.

"It's different in the air." The man said with an attitude she just couldn't stand.

"Like you'd know, you fly frakking raptors." She could have hit herself for running her mouth like that. This was Helo's moment, and she was ruining it with her big damn mouth.

"I'm dually qualified for both. I'm the top viper pilot in the fleet, so I thought I'd try to break some raptor records."

"You might be first now, but trust me, it won't be for long." Helo laughed at her assertion. She was cocky. "What's your call sign fly-boy?"

"Apollo."

"Son of Zeus, eh? Fancy."

Helo could see the tension building between these two. He had never seen someone rile Kara up this quickly. She was all wild eyes, messy hair, and damn if her nipples couldn't cut glass through her tanks. She wasn't just frakking with this guy, she was reacting to him on some primal level. It wasn't territorial; it was predator meet prey, only he couldn't tell which was which. There was something here, and if she had been as observant as Helo she would have seen it: love at first sight.

Helo shook the son of Zeus' hand and accepted his new rank pins. He was expected to report to Scorpion in 3 days. They never finished that conversation, but they both knew, somehow everything had changed in one afternoon.

She woke with a start, covered in sweat and gasping for breath. How could she have forgotten that Lee recruited Helo? Hind sight was more than 20-20. Remembering offered so much clarity. Helo hadn't left for Scorpion because of what she said; he had left because of what he had seen between her and Lee, something that wouldn't go away even if she didn't remember. She had blamed herself for pushing Helo away, for tearing them apart, but now she realized, Helo had pulled away all on his own.