Hi readers! Thank you very much for the reviews:D You make me so happy…
Well, this chapter is the argument between Kai and Demyan. Mm… it was hard to write it from an outsider point of view, so I hope you enjoy it!
Disclaimer: I claim no rights over Kai and Beyblade, mines are Demyan Hiwatari and Halina Nukomo, and the story, nothing else.
Thanx for reading! The story, as you may know, it's about finishing. A chapter and epilogue missing.
You're Back.
Chapter 4: Argument.
I watch you sleep in the bed, our bed. Your father has just laid you here, he's standing right there in the door, while I've decided to stay next to you. I want to be here when you wake up… you will be confused and demand an explanation.
I glance at my husband, he doesn't seem having the best time. Besides, he looks worried and certainly has many reasons to feel like that. You will blame him, I know it and I've already warned him about that. He already knew. I notice him sigh and he walks closer, sitting on a chair next to the bed, in the opposite side that I am.
I notice your breath fastens, and you tighten your fists. Slowly you open your eyes, they look worried. Oh son, if you could only imagine the exasperation I see in those crimson eyes. I know that's how you feel.
Your lips are tinted bluish, the cold outside obviously affected you. You are even paler than before, and your eyes tell me clearly that you are very confused. You look around, and notice him in the other side. I can see the hesitation in your soul whether to say something or stay quiet.
You frown, now your eyes are half opened and you look weak, I know you're not. You must be just taking your time to stand up and start an argument that will last long. I sense it, and prove it when you slowly mouth a weak… "…why?"
I sigh, and slowly take your hand in mine, trying to comfort you in some way. Demyan is puzzled, I find myself unable to tell how he feels. He's looking for a way to tell you the answers you need. I'm not going to give them, it's his turn now. The furthest I can get is to act as a mediator if the argument takes you two to a fight.
He breathes deeply, then he starts. "Kai… I followed you… Because we love you… and know that maybe we've been mistaken but-" No. I knew something like this was going to happen, your father is not the best person at the speaking time, he is trying to say what he thinks you would like to hear, but he absolutely forgets you are no longer that child we had, you're a teenager who can think on his own, who will undoubtedly notice the uncertainty in his voice. You stand up by my side, and just then I realize you are as tall as him.
"No! You don't love me! I'm just your son, the one you decided to forgot, you wanted to forget me, pretend I didn't exist while you knew that I needed you, but what? You tried to ignore me and those things aren't good to do to a son!!" my eyes, already wet because of what I sensed, free at once the tears I had been keeping. I don't want this to go on… but the other side of my mind tells me these things are necessary between people like you and Demyan.
You look at me, and clearly notice I'm crying, though I try to hide it. You place a hand on my shoulder, I gasp at your action, I don't want you to take care of me, I want you to do what you have to do… and that's not worrying about me.
"Kai, please… listen to me…" he says, going worse each time. If only he had listened all the times I tried to talk about these things with him. He can't speak this way to you… because you are not in conditions of reading what he says between the lines. You'll get the literal meaning, you know him as he knows you.
"Listen to you? LISTEN TO YOU?! I'VE NEEDED TO BE LISTENED ALL THE YEARS OF MY LIFE, AND YOU WEREN'T THERE!!! AND NOW YOU WANT ME TO LISTEN?!" Fury comes out of your voice. You sound so frustrated, but won't abandon the situation again. I know it because I can see the argument that at the same time is taking place inside your head.
"Kai calm down!" he keeps talking in a loud, but clear voice. The tears on my cheeks won't stop falling, I know how hard this is for both of you, and feel it for each. If only I could do something.
Your hand on my shoulder tenses up, and you suddenly remove it. I touch my shoulder slightly, noticing the necessity of control you have over everything, whether it's me, your father, or the situation. "Everything that happened has an explanation, Kai, you must understand us…"
"Must?" As you repeat his word, you laugh sarcastically and he stares at you, trying to understand. He won't understand it. But I do, Kai… I've been thinking seriously about your past, there is something that calls my attention the most. And that's the fact that you don't accept musts. You deny everything that presents to you as an obligation, as something you have to do because other person decides so. Where were you brought up, son?
"Why do you laugh?" he asks, instead of thinking it deeply. You seem to already know the answer for this question. What is this about?
"Coz it's a joke. (1) I'm tired of having to do what other people tell me to do!! I don't have to understand anything Demyan, I came looking for my past and that's the only souvenir I'll take when I go back to Japan." You state. My eyes open wide instinctively, for a moment I thought you were staying. What a stupid thought, my mind reprimands. Of course, your life is already established and we're no more than the publicity in the middle of the soap opera. We are nothing to you, the fact that you mean more than anything else in my life, and believe it or not in Demyan's too, doesn't mean that we mean something to you. Maybe we were some of the most frequent questions in your mind… and that's the simple fact that made you choose to look for us.
"We thought you'd…" he tries. Again, that makes you feel even worse.
"You thought nothing! If you had ever wondered about something, you would have looked for me at last, asked about me, lots of people know me here in Russia and it wasn't that hard to ask any of them! But you didn't! You thought anything about me, and I just wanted you to be there! I had imagined you dead, I had thought you weren't there because you couldn't, not because you didn't want to know anything about your son! I thought… I THOUGHT I MATTERED MORE TO YOU THAN YOUR TEDDY BEAR!!!" you shout. That comes for me too. I wasn't there and I feel terribly guilty for that. Thoughtless mistakes I made, in believing in a madman's word and crime story. Your eyes open wide when Demyan grabs your arms. What is he trying to do? Hasn't he understood yet?
You force your arms against him, it seems hard to you. It's natural, Demyan has never been beaten by someone. My face turns to horror when a different thought comes to my mind… where did you get all this strength from? What kind of training made you so strong at this age? We know nothing about your abilities, your strength. And that can only make things worse.
My eyes open wide when you free yourself, I thought you wouldn't do it. You are so strong, Kai… where did all this come from? I bite my lip, you've just pushed him in his chest. Demyan doesn't seem to understand more than me. No… my hands start trembling… where is this going to stop?
You smirk… no… that's a sign that you have even more hatred in your veins… and I can only tell I don't want to experience it… "Kai I…" Demyan tries to say something, I know I won't stand another fight. Another argument. More hate between you… "STOP IT!!" I finally shout… I no longer can control the situation, but control will come back soon, I don't care. I know I won't hurt any of you, you two will hurt each other badly if I let this keep going. I grab Demyan's hands, you look confused at my action. No, son, Demyan is not dangerous. He is scared.
Tears keep falling, I'm so afraid of what you can do to each other. I don't want to see the two people I love the most in the whole world killing each other with their words.
"…Please… Please stop fighting… Demyan leave him alone… leave Kai alone…" I plead. And my voice sounding so broken, tells me that I fear you deep inside. I hadn't notice this until now. Some of the words you said during the argument, were for me too and I feel them thrusting into my heart and soul.
Your breath relaxes, you place a hand on my shoulder and mouth a 'sorry'. I bite my lips again, I can't understand you completely and I doubt I'll ever will. Then you simply walk away from the room, leaving us alone.
I stare at the door through which you've just passed, and then go back at Demyan's hands, which are between mine. I put up my sight and try to read his eyes, try to figure out what he was thinking during the fight, and what he thinks now about his actions.
But when my eyes meet his, I feel surprised to find tears covering them completely. Prohibited tears that he won't let fall. Guilt tears.
"Demyan…?" I ask, barely audible.
"I'm sorry… I… made it all worse. - he says, I understand what he means. However I know that an adolescent like you, with all the hate you feel, would never understand that behind everything he said, there's a deep love. You've got to remember, Kai… your father, is still Voltaire's son. And he has some behaviors that respond to Voltaire's manners. - sorry Halina. -he continues. - go and tell him… whatever you consider it's necessary for him to know… about us, about me." he finishes his sentence and takes a deep breath, his eyes are already dried. He won't let himself cry.
I walk towards your room, and slowly knock the door, after taking a deep breath. "Kai? It's me. I… I'd like to talk to you" I speak uncertainly. I know you need to know many things, and that assures me you will open the door. You have proved me you trust me, and I want you to know everything I can tell you.
"Yeah. C'mon" you answer, maybe lazily, at last. Then a deep silence, and before I open the door you add, "Alone." Demyan was not going to come, Kai, he already knows the pain he has caused. As I open the door you move, you were sitting against it. It's time to let you know my point of view.
(1) : "Why do you laugh?" "Coz it's a joke" : Dialogue that took place in episode 48 first season, "Victory in Defeat", between Voltaire and Kai.
TBC
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