Chapter 4: The Cruel Tutelage of Urahara Kisuke
Ichigo struggled to get out from underneath his mustachioed captor, but to no avail. It was like trying to move a ton of bricks. He couldn't even nudge him.
"Oi! Get off me you walrus!" he complained, trying to slide out from underneath the giant of a man who, for some reason, was wearing an apron. But the man ignored him, instead glancing off in the direction he'd yelled. Following his gaze, Ichigo spotted one of the most peculiar men he had ever seen.
The blonde man walking towards them was wearing a leisurely black coat, a green undershirt and pants, and a matching white and green striped bucket hat, underneath which his eyes were kept shadowed. The things that made him particularly odd though were the pair of geta he was sporting, as well as the fan and cane he twirled in each of his hands.
"Ah," the strange man said as he reached them, "I wouldn't try to budge Tessai, if I were you. He's much too strong for you, Kurosaki-san…"
"Really?" Ichigo shouted, his voice laced with sarcasm, "I hadn't figured that out yet you sandal-wearing…hang on! How do you know my name?! And how can you see me?! First Ishida and now you two?"
"So full of questions Kurosaki-san!" the man smiled from behind his fan as he leaned jauntily on his cane, "You may get off him now, Tessai."
Scrambling out from underneath Tessai, Ichigo backed up against a nearby tree. "Who are you, how do you know me and how can you see me?" he demanded.
"Tsukabishi Tessai," the taller man introduced himself, bowing.
"And I am Urahara Kisuke," the cane wielding man said, tipping his hat even lower, "As for how we can see you…it's not like you're hard to notice with that bright hair of yours."
Ichigo gritted his teeth, balling his fists to keep from strangling the man.
"And we looked your name up in the phone book," Urahara finished lamely.
"Like I believe any of that!" Ichigo scoffed, turning to go, "If you're not going to give me a straight answer, then I'm leaving. I'm dead; I don't have to deal with crap like this anymore."
"Oh really?" Urahara called after his retreating back, "I suppose you won't care that you'll eventually kill your family, huh?"
Ichigo stopped, a chill running through his semi-immaterial body, "Why would I do that? I'm not going to be anywhere near them or my friends."
"Oh, I'm sure you'll try to, at first, but eventually you won't have a choice in the matter," Urahara said, his nose upturned, pretending to file his nails in indifference.
"Is that a threat?" Ichigo asked, his eyes narrowing dangerously.
"No, no, no!" Urahara exclaimed, waving his hands, "I'm merely warning you! Don't you know where hollows come from?"
The hairs on Ichigo's neck stood on end as he realized the implications of the stranger's warning. "You mean that…I'll become one of those monsters?!" He whispered in horror.
"Precisely Kurosaki-dono," Tessai spoke up solemnly, "It is the fate of every soul that cannot move on to Soul Society. You will degenerate, lose your heart and seek to fill the void by consuming the souls of your family members."
Ichigo took a moment to digest this. Could he really kill his family, even if he resisted? But then, he remembered something, saying, "Wait a second! That shinigami girl showed me something called…konsō! Yeah, she showed me how shinigami guide souls to the afterlife. So, thanks for the warning, but I'll just wait until some shinigami shows up and sends me to Soul Society!"
"Mmmm," Urahara hummed approvingly, "You have it all figured out. What would you do once you got to Soul Society?"
Ichigo considered, still unnerved by the two men and whatever it was they wanted from him. "I suppose…I'd become a shinigami, if I could," he answered finally, "That way I could still look after my family."
Urahara nodded in mock approval, "Aha! A well thought-out plan indeed! Incidentally, did you know that it usually takes decades to become a shinigami?"
"Decades? That shinigami girl was my age!" Ichigo retorted, growing impatient and wondering whether these two really knew what they were talking about.
"Ah, but aging is quite different in Soul Society," Urahara rebutted, waving his fan, "The process is slowed considerably. In fact, one can only appear elderly if one died in their old age or one has lived there for thousands of years."
"So, what you're saying is that even if I did become a shinigami, it would be too late to protect my family?" Ichigo frowned.
"Exactly!" Urahara said, snapping his fan shut, "And even if you became a shinigami, you don't get to choose your assignments, so there's no knowing where you might end up."
"So what're you saying? I have no options?" Ichigo demanded, desperation gripping him.
"No," Urahara replied, a glint coming into his eyes, "I am offering you a third choice. In three days, I can make you a shinigami."
"What?! Really?" Ichigo quirked his head to the side, "What makes you so special?"
Urahara and Tessai both glanced at one another quickly before Urahara drew himself up, responding, "Because we are both former taicho of the Gotei Thirteen, the leaders of all shinigami in Soul Society."
Ichigo raised his eyebrows in surprise, "Former?"
"Err, yes…" Urahara rubbed the back of his head in embarrassment, "We were forced into semi-retirement because of a…misunderstanding…"
"So, how high up is a taicho?" Ichigo asked curiously.
"The highest of the high," Urahara smirked, "The Gotei Thirteen is lead by thirteen such officers, each in charge of their own division."
"In addition," Tessai cut in, "there exist two other organizations within Soul Society. The first is the Onmitsukidō, in charge of internal security and prisoner detainment. The second is the Kidō Corps, whose responsibilities are to maintain the gateways between the living world and Soul Society, as well as other…things. I am its former director-"
"Alright, alright, I get the idea," Ichigo waved away the rest of the explanation, "When can we start?"
Urahara smiled widely, "Immediately. But not here! For this, we'll need to go someplace special, for it is a potentially dangerous process and it is not safe in a children's park."
His jaw set, Ichigo was ready. "Let's go."
XXXXXXXXXX
"Welcome to Urahara Shōten!" the shop's namesake cried, waving his fan dramatically at the rather unimpressive store.
A dilapidated shop was not what Ichigo had been picturing at all. "This is the place you're going to make me a shinigami?" he inquired, skepticism rife in his tone.
"Is something the matter with it?" Ichigo jumped as he found himself face to face with Tessai, whose glasses were flashing dangerously.
"N-no! It looks very…" Ichigo fished around for an appropriate adjective, "…cozy!"
"It certainly is!" Tessai's face creased in a smile, "We always try our very hardest! Don't we Jinta-dono? Ururu-dono?"
Ichigo looked behind Tessai to see a red haired boy and a small, meek-looking girl he hadn't noticed before both shuffling their feet. Playing cards littered the ground around them.
"So sorry to have interrupted your game, but we have an important guest," Urahara said, smirking slightly, "This is Kurosaki Ichigo and we'll be helping him become a shinigami today."
Ururu's polite bow and introduction was drowned out by Jinta, who had marched up to Ichigo and begun shouting at him, "Listen buddy! I'll have you know I was about to beat her at cards for the first time and you gotta' interrupt us-"
Tessai quickly lifted Jinta off his feet, covering his mouth to halt his diatribe. "Now now, Jinta-dono! You must learn to make a better first impression…" the big tanned man scolded, as the boy kicked his legs in defiance.
Ichigo merely stared at the group's odd behavior.
"O-K!" Urahara smiled, winking, "Let me show you to the special training area Kurosaki-san."
Following the shinigami-turned-businessman into the shop, Ichigo looked around at his surroundings. For all appearances, it appeared to be an ordinary convenience store, albeit slightly rustic and traditional with all the sliding doors. However, when Urahara uncovered a trap door, ordinary was the furthest descriptor from Ichigo's mind.
"How did you build a place so huge? I can barely see the bottom…" Ichigo marveled, shaking his head, "To think that a place like that would be hidden in such a crummy-"
Ichigo's musings were interrupted by a sharp pain in his backside, followed by a distinct plummeting sensation.
XXXXXXXXXX
"Sheesh! You didn't have to kick him, Tessai," Urahara said mildly, watching Ichigo take a nosedive down into the floor of the shop's enormous basement.
"I apologize, Tencho, but I will not tolerate insults to the immaculate shop I have worked so hard to maintain," Tessai answered fervently.
"Fair enough."
XXXXXXXXXX
Ichigo, however, did not think it was fair at all. His back was going to be sore, he was sure. For now though, he was perfectly fine with not moving at all. He merely glared at the four figures that were slowly descending the ladder into the space he now occupied.
Upon reaching the bottom, Urahara glanced down at Ichigo, looking sheepish, "I am sorry about Tessai-kun. He can be very protective of our shop's honor," leaning in closer, he whispered, "but I would still apologize to him, if I were you!"
Taking the hand Urahara proffered, Ichigo pulled himself upright, grumbling at the ache in his back. Seeing Tessai standing a ways off, his arms crossed and obviously not looking at him, Ichigo sighed.
"I'm sorry, Tessai-san. I'm sure you work very hard on to keep your shop nice and clean," Ichigo said, trying his best not to voice his irritation at the man who looked like he could crush him with a single fist.
"Apology accepted, Kurosaki-dono," Tessai replied, turning towards him.
"Yosh!" Urahara said, clapping Ichigo on the shoulder, "Now let the training begin! Ururu, did you bring the equipment?"
"Hai, Urahara-san," Ururu said softly, dropping a bundle she'd been carrying on the ground. Putting on a helmet and a pair of oversized gloves, she proceeded to hand Ichigo a matching set.
"Er…what am I supposed to do?" Ichigo questioned Urahara, raising his eyebrow apprehensively.
"Lesson one: fight her, if you please," Urahara instructed, "When one of you can no longer move, the lesson will be concluded."
"Huh?!" Ichigo stared at the man, now certain he was missing a few screws, "You're telling me to fight such a little kid??"
"I think it'll actually be quite difficult," Urahara responded forebodingly.
"Please be sure to put on the protective gear," Ururu advised him, "or else you could die."
Seeing the petite girl knock her glove covered fists together didn't make it any more believable for Ichigo. "Ridiculous! I couldn't-"
But at that moment, the heretofore timid Ururu charged at him like she was shot out of a cannon. Eyes widening, Ichigo barely had time to dive out of the way before she punched a hole where he'd just been standing. Rolling away from the debris kicked up, Ichigo made a beeline for the headgear. Maybe if I wear that thing I'll only get a concussion, instead of having my head obliterated!
Scooping the gear up, Ichigo tried to put on the helmet as he ran, but with little success. "Oi!" he shouted at Urahara as he made another pass, "how the heck do I put this thing on?"
"Kurosaki-san!" Urahara yelled back, miming at him, "Forehead, your forehead!"
"Like this?" Ichigo put the headgear up to his forehead.
"Then," Urahara instructed, "scream as loud as you can: 'Take this the power of righteousness, Righteous Armor, The Justice Headband! Equip!'"
"Got it! Yosh…Like I'd say THAT!" Ichigo's indignation was interrupted by Ururu dive-bombing his position, forcing him to start running again.
"See?" Urahara laughed smugly, "Not the time to worry about embarrassment is it?"
Panicking, Ichigo recited quickly, "Take this the power of righteousness, Righteous Armor, The Justice Headband! Equip!"
"I can't believe he actually said it…" Urahara muttered loudly from behind his fan, while Jinta chuckled.
"You bastard!" Ichigo growled, growing tired of being led around by this geta-wearing bozo.
"Behind, behind!" Urahara called.
"Huh?" Ichigo glanced behind him to see Ururu bearing down on him, her ridiculously tiny fists poised to pulverize. "Oh crap!" Fumbling with the weird straps in the back, he finally got them to stick together. Deftly slipping on the gloves, he turned to face Ururu, "Yosh! Bring it on!"
However, upon seeing the crater that appeared when she lunged at him yet again, his momentary confidence slipped away. Deciding that he valued his body sans broken bones, Ichigo decided to run away again. "Kuso!" he yelled in aggravation, "This shit is useless!"
Behind him, he could hear the telltale signs of his miniature assailant getting closer by the sound of shattering rock. "If I don't keep running around, I'll get smacked halfway around the world!" he muttered to himself.
Wait….Ichigo thought to himself slowly, If I can keep running, then that means I can match her speed!
"In that case…" he said out loud, spinning around to face the minuscule bullet train that was Ururu, "Come on..."
Ururu obliged him, throwing a punch directly at his face. However, her fist met only empty air, as Ichigo had already dodged to the side. Their three spectators each began watching more intently.
Urahara smiled to himself. So, you were right after all, Isshin.
It works! Ichigo exulted to himself, beginning his counterattack. Lobbing punch after punch at Ururu, he quickly formed a strategy. I won't aim for the face, I'll just aim for her headgear; knock her back a little. I'm bigger than her, so…
But at that moment, Ichigo tried an uppercut and accidentally clipped Ururu on the ear. Shit! I didn't mean to do that…
Ururu's eyes visibly shrank, whether in fear or anger, Ichigo didn't know. The next thing he did know, Ururu had leapt onto Ichigo's outstretched arm and was in the middle of bringing her leg down to give him a devastating kick to the face. However, the brunt of the blow was taken by an outstretched arm belonging to Urahara. Despite the majority of the hit being taken by the ex-shinigami, the force still translated to Ichigo's face, propelling him towards the nearest wall. Fortunately, he was caught by Tessai, who broke Ichigo's fall with his back, denting the stone face considerably.
"Safe..." Urahara sighed, still holding Ururu's leg.
Uncomfortable with being so close with the man who'd recently kicked him down several stories, Ichigo got up hastily. "One more time, please," Ichigo requested, knowing he wouldn't make that mistake ever again.
"Congrats!" Urahara said suddenly, "Lesson one: clear."
Ichigo frowned, "Huh? But…I lost!"
"Oh?" Urahara said, placidly, "Did I say you would succeed if you knocked her out? No, I only said the lesson would be over when one of you got knocked out. Had we not interfered, you would have been knocked out: rather permanently…"
"But-" Ichigo began, but Urahara had not finished.
"To begin with, this girl is capable of going up against shinigami. No matter how much a human soul struggles, it could never beat her," he explained.
"Then…what was the point of all this?" Ichigo asked.
"The objective of this lesson was to see if you could consciously access your reiatsu, which is necessary for shinigami in battle. A soul's reiatsu increases most easily when it is in danger of termination. This was achieved when you dodged Ururu's first punch. Thus, by forcing it into peril, you were able to access your reiatsu," Urahara summarized, leaning on his cane.
"What if I hadn't dodged?" Ichigo wondered, quirking his eyebrow.
"Then you'd have died," Urahara said simply.
"Asshole! Tell me that ahead of time!" Ichigo snarled, shaking his fists at him.
A strange glint came into Urahara's eyes, "I had complete faith in you."
Ichigo merely stared at him, uncertain how to respond.
"Now then, what do you know about your chain of fate?" Urahara said abruptly.
"Huh?" Caught off guard by the sudden change of subject, Ichigo tugged at the chain affixed to his chest. "This thing? I don't know much. I know ghosts have them and mine seems to have fifteen links, just like my age."
"Really now?" Urahara smiled. I suppose he thought it was poetic…
"Why don't you check again?" he asked, pointing with his fan.
Ichigo counted the interlocking parts, looking up sharply as he reached the last one, "Hey! There's only 14! Did you cut one off?!"
"No," his new teacher replied, "it likely came off on its own. Do you know what happens when you run out of chain?"
Ichigo shook his head, but he was getting that eerie tingly feeling again.
"You become a hollow."
Ichigo's eyes widened, "S-so what? I already knew that!"
Just then, Tessai took hold of Ichigo's chain, cleaving two more links off of it.
"What the hell did you do that for?!" Ichigo yelled at him, "That's only going to make it happen faster!"
"Precisely," Urahara said, as Tessai shoved Ichigo to the ground and sat on top of him, "We want it to happen fast. In 72 hours, exactly. In that time, you must be become a shinigami before you become a hollow. It is your choice, though."
Ichigo smiled grimly, "Ain't it obvious?"
"O-K," Urahara said, snapping his fan shut, and pointing it into the distance "Then...here…we…GO!"
On his last word, a hole appeared under Ichigo and Tessai, sending them hurtling downwards into a circular pit.
"Aaaaagggggghhhhh!!!!!" Ichigo yelled as he fell, "Why am I always falling today????"
"Did you like my feint?" Urahara shouted down after him, before muttering, "It's quite deep…"
"I did my best!" Ururu said proudly, holding up a shovel.
"Dang…" Jinta muttered.
XXXXXXXXXX
Sometime later, Ichigo awoke to find his arms bound behind his back. Yelping in surprise, he wondered miserably to himself, Do shinigami enjoy gluing my arms behind my back?
"What the hell is this?" he asked vocally.
"Bakudō Number Ninety-Nine, Kin," answered Tessai from the shadows, his hands held up in a strange symbol, "Forgive this transgression, but until this lesson is over, I have forbade the use of your arms."
"Hey!" Ichigo barked at him, as he pushed himself upright, "You're still mad about the "crummy shop" comment aren't you!" Tessai was silent, which Ichigo took as a "yes."
"Kurosaki-san!" Urahara called down, making Ichigo look up at the dim, simulated daylight above, "Please climb up here in that condition. This is lesson two: "Shattered Shaft."
"You dumbass!" Ichigo yelled back at him, "I can't do that! It's impossible!"
"It doesn't look like you have time to debate whether it's possible or not…" Urahara warned pointing down at Ichigo's chest.
Glancing down at his chain of fate, Ichigo found to his horror that the ends were beginning to gnaw on one another.
"At the bottom of the shattered shaft," Urahara lectured, "erosion will take 72 hours: three days. In that time, become a shinigami and climb up here, if you please. If you do not, we'll have to put an end to you."
XXXXXXXXXX
A/N: This one took a while, but I like the end result. Next update should be sooner than this one.
Japanese Translations:
Geta- wooden sandals
Konsō- soul burial (the process of sending a spirit to Soul Society)
Gotei- imperial guard squads
Onmitsukidō- secret tactics/special forces
Shōten- shop, store
Yosh- alright
Kin- seal