Missy reached over and grabbed Bam's hand. She held it, with their fingers laced together, in her lap. He looked over at her for a second before looking away. He took in a deep breath and held it for a moment before letting it out slowly. Time seemed to be going by way slowly; much too slow for Bam's liking. Bam was nervous and scared, not knowing what to expect during this doctor's visit. Out of every time he had gone in to see the doctor or went to the hospital for one reason or another, even when he went in to find out what was wrong with him before he found out that he had cancer, this time he sat waiting to see the doctor seemed to be the most nerve wracking for him.
He tried to stay as calm as possible while he sat there but he felt like crying. The whole idea of chemotherapy frightened him. He had no idea what was going to happen to him during these treatments or even after receiving these treatments.
Missy pulled him closer to her, allowing him to rest his head on her shoulder. His stomach was beginning to act up from his growing nerves and his fear of what was to come for him. He sighed and looked up, trying to find the clock to see what time it was. Bam felt like getting up. He felt like running out of the building and then driving back home. He was too scared to go along with seeing the doctor and he thought that he would rather just stay home and not receive any sort of treatment for his cancer.
If only he could just live with the cancer without worry. If only he didn't have to sit there waiting for the doctor to show up. If only he could just not be scared. If this were all possible he would do it in a heartbeat. But he knew that he couldn't. He had to face all of it.
The nurse came up to them with a clipboard in her hand. She smiled kindly at both of them before calling Bam down to where he had to go. Bam stood up slowly and hooked his arm in Missy's arm, and then he prepared himself for what seemed like the longest walk he would ever have to take.
Bam's insides were screaming "Run, you fool, run!" and "Get out now while you can!" His head was spinning and his heart was racing. From the moment he sat down in the waiting room to the moment he began to receive the drugs, he was petrified. Many times in his life he made himself be brave. Many times in his life he had to face his fears. Sometimes he faced them with no problem. Sometimes he was too scared to move on past what scared him, but he realized that every time he came through it all just fine. He knew right then that with as scared as he was of having his first treatment, he was going to make it.
Once it was all over, Bam went to where Missy was waiting, and gave her a hug. He still wanted to cry but there was no way that he was going to show it as long as he was around her. When they got home Bam didn't know what to do with himself. For the most part, what he had feared the whole time was over. But he still had no idea what to expect when it came to the side effects he surely would feel from the drugs.
He was told about the general side effects but Bam still had no clue what he was up for. And that part seemed to scare him the most about the whole cancer treatment.
Bam sat on his bed and placed a hand on his stomach. He wasn't sure if the drugs had begun to work or not. He wasn't even sure what he should even be feeling right then, or even later on. His fears began to build up again and they brought new fears along with them. What if the drugs didn't work? What if he wound up in the hospital? What if he had to be sick for years? What would happen if the cancer beat him? He closed his eyes and lay down, trying not to think about such things any more. As he lay there trying to calm him down, a single tear rolled out from his closed eye, and hit his pillow.