Bam sat idly gazing out the passenger side window as Missy drove. He wasn't usually quiet like this in the car, and normally there would have been loud music blaring. But this car ride he just wanted to relax and take in the passing scenery. He and Missy decided to just take a road trip with no actual destination for their vacation. No destination meant no boundaries; no limitations. And it also helped Bam to feel like he wouldn't be able to be held back by anything.
He kept his gaze upon the things outside that the passed, not even noticing that Missy had turned on some music. The notes of the song that was playing floated into his ears but he paid no attention to it. Missy glanced over at him growing a little concerned that he wasn't reacting to one of his favorite songs. Bam looked out ahead of them and then pointed, tapping his finger on the window.
"There! Right there! Pull in over there!"
"What what? Where?"
"Over there! I gotta check out this skate park!"
"Why didn't you just say that instead of shouting 'pull in there!'?"
Missy pulled the car into where she could park. Bam wasted absolutely no time in getting out of the car. He grabbed his skateboard and practically ran into the skate park. Missy had to try to keep up with the ever excited and energetic child, while trying to make sure her heels didn't break off. But she was used to that sort of thing with Bam. She was actually glad to be chasing after Bam right then because it had been a long time since she had last seen him this way. When she caught up to where he was and saw him skating already, she stood back and watched him with a grin. For the first time since he had got sick, Bam was actually smiling and enjoying himself.
The warm sun shone down, kissing his skin nicely. There was a slight breeze in the air, going through his hair as he skated. He stopped skating for a moment and stood there gazing around at the park around him. It felt so good for him to be outside doing what he loved doing best of all. He held his skateboard, standing up on one end, by his side in one hand. With his other hand he brushed his hair back before placing it on his hip. Taking in a deep breath, he let the fresh air fill his lungs. That alone felt good to him.
He dropped his board and began skating some more. For a moment as he skated he forgot that he was even sick. But at the back of his mind he knew that no matter how good he felt right then, he had to take it easy. His head was telling him to take it easy, his body was beginning to tell him to take it easy, but his heart wanted him to push himself and keep going until he managed to do the best that he absolutely could do.
As he skated he began to feel the effects of his cancer kick in. He started slowing down and feeling weak. But he continued skating. He felt a little bit of cramping in his muscles. But he continued skating. He was beginning to feel nauseous in his stomach. But he continued skating, however at a slower pace. He began to feel dizzy. Then he finally stopped skating. Missy helped him over to a place where he would sit down to rest and pointed out to him how pale he looked. He was already kicking himself mentally for trying to push himself so hard. He knew that he should have listened to his head and his body, but at the time when he started skating he thought his heart made more sense to him. He regretted not taking breaks when he knew he should have. He regretted not ending his skate session when he knew he should have. He never felt this bad after a skating session and he blamed himself for it. While he was skating he had hoped that he could ignore everything he was feeling and just keep skating. But at the same time he knew it was impossible and quite foolish to try to ignore the effects of his cancer. But he had to try it any way.
While sitting there, Bam and Missy discussed whether or not they should continue with their vacation. Bam thought that he might have been able to finish out the rest of the vacation but he probably would have a hard time making it back him after finishing it. He wanted to finish it out but he felt like it would have taken too much out of him in the end. Missy confessed that she would rather that they went home so he could recuperate the rest of the time he had off, especially if it was going to make him sick or wear him out too much. As much as it hurt him to, Bam wound up agreeing with Missy. They decided that they were going to get a hotel room for the night and in the morning they would head for home.
On the inside Bam felt terrible. He never felt so weak before. He never thought he would ever have to face such limitations like this ones he was currently facing. He never thought that anything would ever stop him dead in his tracks quite like the cancer was doing to him. Worst of all he never thought anything would ever cause him to become so down on himself as he was feeling then. This cancer was causing him to think a lot about his life and he didn't like it at all. That was mainly because what he was forced to think about made him feel so much worse than the actual cancer made him feel. The last thing that he ever wanted to face was his own mortality. He realized then that, that was truly the thing he feared the most.
As Missy lay sleeping in the hotel room bed, Bam sat up awake, peering into the darkness. Earlier that day he had come to a hard realization that he could not get off of his mind. Fighting this cancer was going to be much harder than he originally thought; not just with the physical art but also with the emotional and mental part. He had prepared himself for the physical fight, but not the other fights. He sighed, thinking about all of this, and tears began to slowly fall from his eyes. This cancer had become too hard for him to fight and he was ready to throw in the towel.